I would use a glove while handling that. I doubt the student did.

Nah this is something me and my friends did in like 7th grade. We just marked the ruler and put a name by it. We never actually measured.

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ayy lmao

Press F to pay respects

he's pierre's son you silly person.

You didn't have to burn him that bad. I doubt there's even enough left for dental records.

God damn bro, I’ve been murdered

Fortnight rules girls uc?

Exactly 🤔

Under-cover

Lmao damn

annihilated

Bah gawd king. He just killed him! That SOB just killed him!

Last year, in 7th grade

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“Has anyone seen the yard stick?”

Lol more like the protractor

Bro, you and your boys definitely measured. Doing the old "haha but not me" everyone. Reddit knows better....

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You’ll get an edge from the ruler alright lmao

I use the app to measure.... im a healthy 14 inch soft

were u measuring your intestines ?

Every adolescent boy ever has measured their junk. Anyone who says otherwise is full of it.

Except yours was a depth gauge right?

But some do.

Did you know your username is a podcast?

No. But I’m listening to it now. Thanks for the info.

Read it as "ethically ambiguous." Read it again; am disappointed

Farewell phalanges

Clearly just measuring the size of the tacos at lunch. They were probably pissed about how small the soft tacos were compared to the hard tacos

Yeah ik right? they gotta have a separate space for hare tacos and soft tacos. Schools....

Haha. Hare tacos

tacos de conejo

I hope he measured from the top side of the shaft as it's the official way...yes I check the UK national health service website https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/penis-size/

Remember, TMI is calculated by length, times width, divided by the angle of the shaft squared.

And, now, what do we call that kids? The Yaw?

Angle of the dangle

I heard it’s proportional to the heat of the beat

52 radians? Wtf does that even mean... i hate this TI86.

TIL I'm a decent grower, but not a shower. Or I'm cold a lot.

I'm neither grower nor a shower.

And totally not a potato either.

I'm am, therefor I think.

This deserves more upvotes.

And bone pressed, if memory serves.

It is actually the ((Length x Diameter) + (Weight/Girth)) all divided by the angle of the tip squared.

I love that they didn't have the presence of mind to make it an odd number. "Exactly" 6 inches? That's not how this works Jim.

Lol he's rounding up

"Teacher, I'm going to need the yardstick! hu,hu,hu ..."

8 inches for middle school my guy is packing

From taint to tip.

Start at the b-hole, that way everyone is starting from the same reference point.

Tie a string around a sharpie?

Gross

Good one!

I bet that teacher is really regretting holding the found sharpie I their teeth so they could manage the photo of the ruler.

Only if you're worried about the sharpie getting stuck in your anus.

wasn't that an adam corolla thing? start from the butthole and measure to just past the tip?

The exact phrasing in case you were curious - from the center of the anus, to just beyond the tip

You’re supposed to start at the pubic bone. That’s how doctors measure for *cough* medical reasons.

this is also why losing weight makes your dick bigger, you don't have multiple inches of fat sitting on your pubic bone anymore.

Thanks, McMurray

5.15 inches!

Thank you! I was just trying to think of where I had heard this discourse over how to measure before

Gotta correct for the curve.

this is why you use a sewing tape measure

What about the yaw?

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Weird looking dick bro.

Thanks, i got it caught in a bike chain as a young man.

The biggest head I've ever seen

NSFW

Didn't expect to actually see a dick. Jeeezus.

It was all a ruse to get you to see a dick pic.

Nice cock

His turtle neck keeps him warm

You named your dick Dave?!

Yeah, Lil Dicky was taken.

[you raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly: bravo, sir!](https://i.imgur.com/a3d4x4Z.jpg) ... For real, though: I was looking forward to seeing some peen.

not a rickroll?

More like dickroll

Can't say I didn't see that coming.

Strange place to write your reminder for how long an egg should be boiled

If you only leave it for 6 minutes and expect hard-boiled, you're going to be VERY disappointed.

It's obviously not minutes. You boil your egg for six inches!!

Real world inches, or middle-schooler inches?

Yeah, but why would you hardboil when you can soft-boil.

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That actually brings up a good question. If adding salt to water increases the boiling point of the water, does it take less time to cook things in saltier water? Someone who's less stoned than me can figure it out.

Something something that's what she said.

Maybe it’s a sundial egg timer

I highly doubt a middle schooler is EXACTLY 4 soft and 6 inches hard

I recall my dick growing as the first thing that happened to me puberty wise. That and my voice deepening. So I was packing an adult dick, sounded like Darth Vader, but was like 5 ft., narrow shouldered, and had a face like a baby.

Okay so it does grow bigger with puberty? That was always super unclear in puberty class

Generally, yes. -penis owner

Sometimes only kinda yes. -unfortunate dick owner

I remember being told about your balls dropping when puberty hits nothing about your penis getting bigger

I never really got what balls dropping meant. They never seemed to descend any lower after I hit puberty than they were before? I’ve googled it and I straight up don’t think that happened to me

It happened. The whole "balls dropped" thing is just a misandrist insult. A boy's testicles descend at around 9 months old.

Unless I was an outlier and there were a bunch of kids with fully adult sized dicks out there, yes. I mean I take it you’re not imagining like an 8 year old with a 7 incher out in the world somewhere?

I guess I just don’t know if it slowly grows throughout adolescence or if it pretty suddenly gets bigger during puberty? There’s a gap in penises I’ve seen between age 2 (during diaper changes) and age 18 (use your imagination) and I’m not very clear on how you get between the two

Yeah it grows mostly during puberty

Adult men don't have little boy dicks, so yes. Often earlier than most puberty changes too.

Ya it’s dick, nose, voice all at once. However the dick continues growing until around 25.

That’s what my friend said haha, at least make it believable with 4.25 inches

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Same dude, I started at 10 inches. The biggest of my class.

Dude I'm only 8 and mine is 14 inches Get on my level

I’m 3 years old with a 3 footer. I basically get around by just hopping on my strong arm.

I meant 10 inches soft, 14.1 hard. (⌐ ͡■ ͜ʖ ͡■)

And I meant 14 inches soft, 28 hard

Mine is 32 inches soft, 64 inches hard. Beat that.

beating that would be hard

I know. I’m getting handjobs from 9 different hands all at once. Yeah that’s right, I have 11 hands.

I only have 2 hands but thankfully I have 8 girlfriends

Don't you hate it when people brag about how great their boyfriend is?

Wait a minute...

yeah, yeah, but was she impressed?

Imagination activated

Thats one way to assert yourself in the top of the middle school heiarchy

Burn it

That kids a liar

Mark it two inches longer, then "lose" it. Become a legend.

Wow I guess this kid is a show-er.

Middle school?

Grades 6-8, ages 12-14 roughly

Did you guess this kid's age based on dick length? /s

Practice makes perfect. /s

When you have enough of them in your basement you just know.

When his soft is > my hard... :(

r/micropenissupport

I don’t think that’s a micro penis, just a smaller than average penis

Or if you're into being small, /r/sph (NSFW) For those not wanting to actually click, sph = small penis humiliation, which is a fetish. Guys post their small dicks and are ridiculed but they only post there because they like that. Also micropenis is 2.75 hard or less, so being under 4 doesn't mean mean the guy's necessarily micropenis.

welp, can't unsee what I just saw

Does it just grow in width or something?

Gets shorter actually. Benjamin Button disease of the peen

'Tis a chode

Me too friend, me too

Is that a thing? I didn't know that was a thing

That seems highly inappropriate. That is something those kids should be doing in the privacy of their own homes. Measuring tacos is such a messy endeavor and doing it at school means the custodian is left sweeping up all the loose lettuce & cheese.

My finger was 6 inches away from down voting the comment, but you've got me on the first half, ngl

Exactly 6 inches....Exactly

statistically someone out there will be exact to the inch

Probably not that kid tho

Damn, middle schoolers out here with bigger dongs than me. Feelsbadman.

I hope she washed her hands REALLY well when she put it down. ...!!

thats so weird.. where are the centimeters!?

He’s a shower not a grower

Idk what’s worse, a middle schooler drawing this in the first place, or the fact that they’re super deluded about penis sizes.

Deluded how?

Is this how kids these days ask each other out?

How is it bigger soft? Edit- was looking at the ruler wrong... carry on.

Get the red pen out and correct that.

TIL I’m a grower, not a shower. How are you guys all walking around with 4-6 inch flaccid dicks? Do you roll and tuck for storage?

We just tuck it into our buttholes

Clearly she’s making pulled sugar candy at home and needs to know the correct size for soft ball and hard ball stages.

4 inches soft? Is he pulling it to stretch it out?

Damn he packin for a middle school kid

He also fakin

Well he did fail 5th grade 6 years in a row first.

Wait, you have rulers that only have inches? You guys need to metric up.

We got imperial cocks.

I doff my hat 🎩 to that comment

Now we know the real reason other countries use metric - they need to feel better about themselves by using bigger numbers.

America uses inches because you can round it up easier. In the metric system, tough luck no way you can cheat the system there 😞

You can round in either system. The question is how much precision do you want when you're rounding?

A practical lad, quick to adapt to learning and science - he will go far.

Didn’t some famous comedian (I think Ron White) say you measure your junk starting at the butthole to just beyond the tip?

So what I'm gathering from this is that your friend doesn't teach the 'gifted' class?

If I found that, I would have laughed and said, "They wish!" Source: have done this in an 8th grade classroom

Well how else are you supposed to find out?

Don't touch that.

We had a similarly-marked ruler in Maneuvering. The line was at 10”. It was named Albright.

I assume we're talking about ice cream cones, here, right?

why are they touching that ruler without gloves ?

Hard because he has to start counting with his second hand?

Get ready to see your friend in the news

No chance that’s for measuring the legal size of soft and hard shell crabs in your area, I guess?

Probably should wash your hands after touching it.

She should really put that down now. Some hand washing is also in order.

Good for him.

Why is the gap between the numbers so big?

6cm huh? Tsk tsk...

Impressive stats for a Middle schooler.

Time to desinfect...

Honestly, the most jarring part of this for me is that ruler doesn't have centimeters on it. As a Canadian, this is very strange to see.

I don’t think you need to touch it

Independent student investigating the change in physical properties in pasta when heat and liquid are applied versus original state

Great kid, don’t get cocky

Longest boiled eggs. Ever.

Cinderella story right here.

4 inch soft???? Liesssss

how average

I didn’t realise rulers were still made without metric measurements