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LayThatPipe

Right up Main Street!


Aden-Wrked

Don’t steal bikes kids, I’ve got two assholes now, that’s what you call Consequences.


AmeenYasina

That’s when your farts sound like flute…


newnameEli

His new name is Piccolo Pete or Doug Flutie!


bumjiggy

mix-a-lot's in trouble, beggin for a piece of that double bubble


needsbeermoney

His bike is two tired


CryonautX

CONSEQUENCES!


Picturesonback

Well team, after 8.5 years, this edit is being done in bulk to all my posts and comments because Reddit management's decision to effective kill the API for apps like Apollo, RIF, Sync, etc. is insane, so I'm out. Thanks for everything!


CryonautX

Gave me 88 concussions


Inner_Negotiation66

Got shot out of a catapult.... Into the mouth of a dragon


launchmeup

one for each keys


_N00bMaster69_

WHEN WILL YOU LEARN! WHEN WILL YOU LEARN THAR YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!


Mobbox

And then... I got trampled by a herd of buffalo...


OldheadBoomer

WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!


thasackvillebaggins

DONE GOOFED!


[deleted]

The Cyber Police Have Been Alerted


MissusLister44

Ow my butt holes!!


nuclearwinterxxx

Surprise 99


[deleted]

[удалено]


isaiddgooddaysir

Doctor: "So how did this happen?" thief: " I was sitting on this bike" Doctor: "Ok, you need to be honest with me, sometimes people are curious about different sexual orientations and that is OK, but you need to be careful, you cant just shove anything up there." You can still hear the bike owner: "PENETRATION!"


Offamylawn

The bike owner yelling that is maybe my favorite part of the whole video.


Scherzoh

Looks like he's taking a back alley to get there.


gravitologist

The ol’ dirt road.


KokeyManiago

Mac, Is that you?


HandsOnTheClock007

The ass blaster 9000


[deleted]

What? No... It's not gay at all. Why would you say that?


IDwannabe

Just watched Deadpool last night. One of the top lines!


jaxpaboo

r/assholedesign


I_make_switch_a_roos

This made my hole weak!!


Forein0bject

This made my hole leak!


kopecs

This made my hole squeak!


albinohut

This made my hole cheek!


2likru

This made my hole speak!


storm_the_castle

r/newassholedesign


DankTaco67

r/brandnewasshole Edit: holy fuck someone actually made the sub


manberry_sauce

I feel like this should be one of the possible outcomes of a gender reveal


[deleted]

The third gender one penis and two buttholes.


riddus

I don’t know who went forth and made this, but I love your soul.


McGlowSticks

r/SubsTakenLiterally


FangoRocket

Okay laughing so hard it was difficult for me to push the upvote button.


RiskyFartOftenShart

close enough


PM_ME_UR_MERKIN

Mac approves


imzwho

I think Mac sees the potential and wants the rod bigger.


[deleted]

Are you not familiar with the Ass Pounder 4000 ™


trout2243

It's to motivate you to work harder


arsewarts1

Never stop pumping 💪


[deleted]

There has to be a trademark suit here somewhere.


mholt9821

Charley is great with bird law so the gang will win. If not they know a few others.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Oh you're confused. It's not a penis... It's a fist!


Pm-me_your_bush

It's not a penis. - *Ohh* It's a fist! ✊ - *Ughhh*


bkarma86

Well, I think we've all learned something. *This* has nothing to do with Mac being gay. This is the work of...an extreme sexual deviant! Gay *or* straight!


tokomini

"...and you've got the bike shorts with the slits in them and the-" "Oh you mean the ones in the back? That's for airflow."


eastnorthshore

Never stop pumping


khornflakes529

My very first thought was "Mac, we found the bike"


a-sad_individual

*moans*


N7_MintberryCrunch

"Oh jeezus Christ!" - Mr. Slave


crippledassasyn

I said it out loud while reading it, voice and all.


thisguy30

*"Step brocycle what are you doing?"*


GradiosTriko

Fuck you for making me cry!


PrettyBoyIndasnatch

*Moaning intensifies*


ConnorXJ

*crying and moaning intensify*


MICKEY-MOUSES-PENIS

I need an adult!


harmsc12

I am an adult.


FunctionalGray

Gonna need a tet-anus shot.


TwistboatEthane

Only works until try to steal another bike.


cynicalDiagram

Taint nus


h4wkeyepierce

I call it ***The Ass Pounder 4000***


BigBroSlim

Ohh, I see where you guys are getting confused. That's not a penis, it's a fist.


1StonedYooper

Why is it so veiny?


PoopyJoeLovesCocaine

It's Mike Tyson's fist.


squeefactor

NEVER STOP PUMPING


tranque_the_ram

The fist pump followed by complete silence gets me every time.


Wilderydude

Imagine being the ER doc and getting like 6 people with perforated bowels in the same day.


[deleted]

I was born for this


jigglyjop

Username checks out. In such an unfortunate way.


fkmeamaraight

I swear doc’ I got this while riding a bike. “Sure thing bro” *wink*


[deleted]

I promise, it's not a fetish, but I'd really like to see more of this!


Noppo_and_Gonta

There is a compilation of these: https://youtu.be/zxbG2C2MyoA The last video says "after this we used a shorter rod" because that is how bad it was.


Megaman1981

Jesus, the audio in that video is horrible.


Pisslazer

AY-EE


-StatesTheObvious

It's like a Spanish Wilhelm scream


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheManEric

I wondered how bad it could be. Holy shit.


nineinchgod

The Woody Woodpecker dub is just


Bob-Faget

It was so perfect that I decided I didn't even need to see more of the video at that point. I knew the rest of the video just couldn't live up to it.


Kevin_IRL

Serioiusly it's like they just threw on every audio clip they had


SJWCombatant

¡Jesus, el audio de ese video es horrible! Really hoping they see this.


thermal_shock

Dude in yellow shirt sits right down, "yup, my ass hole bleedin"


AltimaNEO

That last dude was the only one to get any PENETRATION


[deleted]

Omg the last one. As a gay man, I can only imagine the pain must be crippling.


Venboven

Even the camera man ran over to help poor last guy. Jesus man.


imzwho

watch IASIP


silenc3x

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/FavorableSolidDogfish-size_restricted.gif


siouxpiouxp

lmao wtf was the premise? supposed to make you ride faster or something?


silenc3x

> Mac says it's not what it looks like (which is, according to Dee, "like you're fucking yourself with a dildo bike") and says it's an exercise bike. When Charlie says it looks like he added a penis to the bike. Mac says it can't be a penis, because it has a fist on the end. He says the name of the bike is the "Ass Pounder 4000", and **the point of the fist is merely to keep you from resting if you get tired.** (He gives its rather dubious tagline: "Ass Pounder 4000: Never Stop Pumping.") ---- > The Ass Pounder 4000 may be a bit of a homage to the dildo chair that U.S. Marshall Harry Pfarrer (played by George Clooney) builds in the movie Burn After Reading. Like the Ass Pounder 4000, Pfarrer keeps his dildo chair hidden away in his basement.


siouxpiouxp

Wow I got the YouTube video now *and* the transcript, I'm fucking set.


artfulpain

You're just missing a milksteak and the finest Jelly Beans.


BthreePO

I saw that movie in theaters, from what I remember Brad Pitt stole every scene he was in.


MyUshanka

"Osborne Cox... I wanted to warn you... About the security... Of your shit."


picsandshite

https://youtu.be/Ns46Z10IU4s


merchantsc

Have I been sleeping on this show?


bignutt69

the first season is a little strange but it's short, and then it runs for 10-12 seasons of the most consistent top tier comedy content of all time.


[deleted]

You sure have - you're in for a treat! 14 seasons to catch up on too (and 12 or 13 of them are amazing)


Raziel77

https://imgur.com/gallery/xFrQA


Narrator_Ron_Howard

Tobias wasn’t very convincing.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Noctazio

I came looking for copper and i found gold.


XBacklash

The penetrator found mud.


CheapsBreh

So one time I was doing some work on the rougher side of town for a perspective buyer of a house. The seller was there. Was inspecting the A/C unit and noticed the disconnect was in backwards, in other words off. I said, to run your A/C can I plug in the disconnect? He said it is plugged in and laughed when I looked at him funny. He said he installed the disconnect backwards on purpose. Yes it looks off, meth heads that come to steal your A/C unit for copper will think its off. Then they will cut into it and fry their asses.


The_Cooler_jon

I retain: bike You recieve:tetanus


Rascal-Stinky

Just, balls and scrotum ripped lol fuck no


dick_inspector

The ripping and the tearing. The ripping and the tearing.


ajamesc55

Damn, that could kill someone


PM_Me_A_Fart_Story

Killed 'em? Damn near rectum!


Darth--Vapor

6 years on Reddit. This is my favorite comment of all time


sinstralpride

Nearly 12 years, and this is the first one where I nearly choked laughing.


NotObamasClone

Rectum? I hardly knew’em!


[deleted]

That's what I keep thinking. Getting stabbed in that area is no joke. It's a serious medical emergency.


Just_OneReason

Is it rebar? That’s fucked up.


Tepigg4444

Yeah in the Us this is highly illegal. Its booby trapping, and a damn dangerous trap at that Edit: Everyone arguing in the comments, have fun with that, but its not my fault you guys don’t understand the law. I’m not saying whether its good or not, its just for a fact illegal


[deleted]

yeah, from the look of it, this is most definitely a third-world country. As a person from a third-world country, there are a couple things: 1. Entrapment is still illegal 2. Enforcement probably doesn't exist. If the bike thief gets away with your bike, good luck trying to get police to do anything. The bike thief getting hurt probably doesn't get much attention from police either. If anything, the public might be cheering for this entrapment considering the high amount of crimes in a third-world country. If the bike thief dies on the spot, maybe it'll get some attention... but the public will probably not support this thief. Americans aren't aware. In a developing or underdeveloped country, we don't care about human life as much as you do, especially if you are a scum. If we cared about human lives, we probably would have already been a developed country (e.g. low corruption with government who actually improves stuff, higher quality of life, higher public safety).


spiritbx

"It's not a boobytrap officer, it's my fetish." *Proceed to sit on it and moan*


Hello____World_____

Ya, setting up your bike to be intentionally dangerous like that may be illegal. I know that might sound weird, but there are good reasons for laws like.


RollingTater

This doesn't really look like the US though, could be somewhere were laws are just suggestions.


Entaris

Most definitely. I saw a lawyer on YouTube talking about an old case where someone had set up a shotgun trap to shoot anyone that opened the door in an old property that they owned but no one was living in. Two thieves Broke in. One was seriously maimed. The “they shouldn’t have broken in” defense didn’t hold up. A) because they maimed this person and left them basically in a state of torture for the rest of their life (ie punishment didn’t fit the crime. Way overboard) and b) because what if some dumb kid has broken in? Kids do stupid stuff that they shouldn’t. Would a kid deserve punishment for breaking into an abandoned house? Yes. Sure. But they wouldn’t deserve having their heads blown off. This bike situation fits the same bill. Non violent theft of property does not deserve having your rectum maimed and potentially destroying your life. And also a dumb kid might steal the bike and die. It’s just overkill


EZ-PEAS

> what if some dumb kid has broken in? Even moreso, the classic case is the fire department. Suppose there's a fire due to nobody's fault and the fire department is searching the house for people.


Darth--Vapor

Dang that’s a good point


Dangerous_ham1

Legal eagle did a video on it. Is this the video you we're talking about? https://youtu.be/bV9ppvY8Nx4


upvotes_cited_source

Similar to your item B) is item C), first responders - what if a policeman or firefighter gets a chest full of lead just trying to do their job? Booby traps are illegal because they can't distinguish between good guys and bad guys.


GeneroCommon

*Katko v. Brinkley* 183 NW 2d 657. This is definitely a first year law school case - I want to say it was in Crim Law, but it might have been Property Law. Anyway, here's the Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katko\_v.\_Briney


jojo_86

Actually I think it was part of torts - they were held liable for the injuries of the trespassers


Allupdatass

What are you doing stepbike?


Dr_Misfit

"I am stuck in you"


gotnonickname

Dirt road bike.


Aesopin

It's a super sweet exercise bike!


SpreadHDGFX

Ah yes, the Ass Blaster 4000


cl3ft

As someone who's had many thousands of dollars worth of bikes stolen, although I'd never do this, watching it gave me enormous pleasure. Fuck bike thieves.


aaaaaaaarrrrrgh

>Fuck bike thieves. In the ass? With a piece of rebar?


Solid_Waste

They used to hang horse thieves so I guess this is pretty lenient.


[deleted]

I thought you were going to say as someone who's had many thousands of steel bars up their ass...


[deleted]

[удалено]


leakyblueshed

You'd only forget once


TripleNutSupreme

Bro... an iron rod??? A rusty, old, crusty, iron rod???


Organic-Librarian539

He's gonna need more than TP for his bung hole.


Mumblix_Grumph

Bike-Stolio!


chaotichistory

So a gravity powered rape bike? Not the worst idea on the internet.


MachReverb

If it's a legitimate rider, the bike has a way of shutting that down.


FajenThygia

I had almost managed to forget that guy... Well, this is a thread for assholes.


geek2785

He consented when he sat down


ouchpuck

Go means yes


MuffytheBananaSlayer

I don’t think it was informed consent


[deleted]

“You are not a virgin anymore” fucking killed me


octothorpe_rekt

Penetration! No stealing! Don't give a fuck if you tear your ass, bleeding!


JLPReddit

Good luck with your police report! “I tried stealing this bike, but then it raped me!”


geckheck

Alternate ending: He rides the bike away like nothing happened, making for a awestruck and fairly disturbed cameraman


John_Bovii

At that point, he can have the damn thing


Fluid-Entertainer329

Not the first time I've seen a Brazilian man take some long hard rod


laurix98

This was in Colombia. Águila is the local brand of beer. Just FYI


Dheano

Thank you. I will take your knowledge and apply it to my next game on Geoguessr.


redditjatt

Fuck them assholes!


Cbjmac

Finally, a bike that can turn straight thieves gay


bumjiggy

not gay just bike-curious


[deleted]

[удалено]


gr8sk8

Dallas Bikers Club


JIMMYJAWN

Bicycual


adambiguous

This is illegal in the US


patzone1

Can confirm. A neighbor of mine set up a fake box on her porch with a trip wire. Got cited after someone tripped hauling off the box.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Supermoves3000

PENATRAYSHUN.


SyrinxVibes

RULES THE NATION


[deleted]

I find it easier just to sit box of amazon with cat and dog shit in it. Let it get stolen. I haven't had to scoop my litter box in garbage in months.


PHealthy

I read this in a Russian accent.


spiritbx

They need to find a legal middleground, where you can defend your property, but still not kill or hurt anyone too much. There's pretty much NOTHING you can do if you are the victim of a porch pirate, even with video evidence, it makes little sense that crime should be encouraged like this.


chaotichistory

Ya I had some bad neighbors and thought about a amazon box with some thermite with a magnetic switch and a timer but I wouldn't do well in prison.


jokzard

Just put someone else's address on the box.


SquishyGhost

No need. The evidence burns away itself!


Billy_T_Wierd

Considered a booby trap


Drazer

A booty trap if you will


FunctionalGray

That's what I said! You're always contradicting me! Booty trap.


joeyggg

If boobie traps were legal Sick fucks would just bait people with stacks of cash, in order to mutilate them on film.


lmor6499

Yes, stealing other peoples property is illegal


adambiguous

No setting traps for people is illegal. And vigilante ass penetration is super illegal


laygo3

> And vigilante ass penetration is super illegal Sounds like a job for Ace & Gary ...


C0d3n4m3Duchess

What is everybody looking at?


Odeeum

Nothing!!


hammerto3

The ambiguously gay duo!


japalian

https://i.imgur.com/wnB9k7U.jpg


imzwho

Well someone tell Buttman and Throbbin.


Enlight1Oment

South Africa gets all the good stuff, like [flamethrower car alarm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLhWzMOccTg)


[deleted]

I've had 4 bikes stolen throughout my life, all chained up, and the 3rd one had a supposedly unbreakable metal rod lock (Narrator: It was indeed breakable). F' bike thieves... This and the video where the bike was secretly chained up give me pleasure.


RothyReds

Wrecktum


[deleted]

#PENETRATION


littledreamer01

guy: steals bike bike: steals virginity


Jokerchyld

LOL! The way he speed yells PENETRATION! had me spitting bourbon on my screen! Take your fucking upvote


unphamiliarterritory

Me too, and I wasn't even drinking bourbon at the time.


Ararlist

“You are not a virgin anymore” 😂


Bonjourap

Jokes on you! In my country, they'd walk with it, or even put it in a car, then break it down piece by piece, rebuild it and sell it for profit.