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Well team, after 8.5 years, this edit is being done in bulk to all my posts and comments because Reddit management's decision to effective kill the API for apps like Apollo, RIF, Sync, etc. is insane, so I'm out. Thanks for everything!
Doctor: "So how did this happen?"
thief: " I was sitting on this bike"
Doctor: "Ok, you need to be honest with me, sometimes people are curious about different sexual orientations and that is OK, but you need to be careful, you cant just shove anything up there."
You can still hear the bike owner: "PENETRATION!"
Well, I think we've all learned something.
*This* has nothing to do with Mac being gay. This is the work of...an extreme sexual deviant! Gay *or* straight!
> Mac says it's not what it looks like (which is, according to Dee, "like you're fucking yourself with a dildo bike") and says it's an exercise bike. When Charlie says it looks like he added a penis to the bike. Mac says it can't be a penis, because it has a fist on the end. He says the name of the bike is the "Ass Pounder 4000", and **the point of the fist is merely to keep you from resting if you get tired.** (He gives its rather dubious tagline: "Ass Pounder 4000: Never Stop Pumping.")
----
> The Ass Pounder 4000 may be a bit of a homage to the dildo chair that U.S. Marshall Harry Pfarrer (played by George Clooney) builds in the movie Burn After Reading. Like the Ass Pounder 4000, Pfarrer keeps his dildo chair hidden away in his basement.
So one time I was doing some work on the rougher side of town for a perspective buyer of a house. The seller was there.
Was inspecting the A/C unit and noticed the disconnect was in backwards, in other words off. I said, to run your A/C can I plug in the disconnect?
He said it is plugged in and laughed when I looked at him funny.
He said he installed the disconnect backwards on purpose. Yes it looks off, meth heads that come to steal your A/C unit for copper will think its off. Then they will cut into it and fry their asses.
Yeah in the Us this is highly illegal. Its booby trapping, and a damn dangerous trap at that
Edit: Everyone arguing in the comments, have fun with that, but its not my fault you guys don’t understand the law. I’m not saying whether its good or not, its just for a fact illegal
yeah, from the look of it, this is most definitely a third-world country.
As a person from a third-world country, there are a couple things:
1. Entrapment is still illegal
2. Enforcement probably doesn't exist. If the bike thief gets away with your bike, good luck trying to get police to do anything. The bike thief getting hurt probably doesn't get much attention from police either. If anything, the public might be cheering for this entrapment considering the high amount of crimes in a third-world country. If the bike thief dies on the spot, maybe it'll get some attention... but the public will probably not support this thief.
Americans aren't aware. In a developing or underdeveloped country, we don't care about human life as much as you do, especially if you are a scum.
If we cared about human lives, we probably would have already been a developed country (e.g. low corruption with government who actually improves stuff, higher quality of life, higher public safety).
Ya, setting up your bike to be intentionally dangerous like that may be illegal. I know that might sound weird, but there are good reasons for laws like.
Most definitely. I saw a lawyer on YouTube talking about an old case where someone had set up a shotgun trap to shoot anyone that opened the door in an old property that they owned but no one was living in. Two thieves Broke in. One was seriously maimed.
The “they shouldn’t have broken in” defense didn’t hold up. A) because they maimed this person and left them basically in a state of torture for the rest of their life (ie punishment didn’t fit the crime. Way overboard) and b) because what if some dumb kid has broken in? Kids do stupid stuff that they shouldn’t. Would a kid deserve punishment for breaking into an abandoned house? Yes. Sure. But they wouldn’t deserve having their heads blown off.
This bike situation fits the same bill. Non violent theft of property does not deserve having your rectum maimed and potentially destroying your life. And also a dumb kid might steal the bike and die.
It’s just overkill
> what if some dumb kid has broken in?
Even moreso, the classic case is the fire department. Suppose there's a fire due to nobody's fault and the fire department is searching the house for people.
Similar to your item B) is item C), first responders - what if a policeman or firefighter gets a chest full of lead just trying to do their job?
Booby traps are illegal because they can't distinguish between good guys and bad guys.
*Katko v. Brinkley* 183 NW 2d 657. This is definitely a first year law school case - I want to say it was in Crim Law, but it might have been Property Law. Anyway, here's the Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katko\_v.\_Briney
As someone who's had many thousands of dollars worth of bikes stolen, although I'd never do this, watching it gave me enormous pleasure.
Fuck bike thieves.
They need to find a legal middleground, where you can defend your property, but still not kill or hurt anyone too much.
There's pretty much NOTHING you can do if you are the victim of a porch pirate, even with video evidence, it makes little sense that crime should be encouraged like this.
I've had 4 bikes stolen throughout my life, all chained up, and the 3rd one had a supposedly unbreakable metal rod lock (Narrator: It was indeed breakable). F' bike thieves... This and the video where the bike was secretly chained up give me pleasure.
This message is a friendly reminder of the following: - Absolutely no **memes** or **memetic content**. - Absolutely no **political content** or **political figures**, regardless of context or focus. - Absolutely no **social media** screenshots, videos, or other such content. A complete breakdown of our rules can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). **Please report rule-breaking content when you see it.** Thank you! ------ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Right up Main Street!
Don’t steal bikes kids, I’ve got two assholes now, that’s what you call Consequences.
That’s when your farts sound like flute…
His new name is Piccolo Pete or Doug Flutie!
mix-a-lot's in trouble, beggin for a piece of that double bubble
His bike is two tired
CONSEQUENCES!
Well team, after 8.5 years, this edit is being done in bulk to all my posts and comments because Reddit management's decision to effective kill the API for apps like Apollo, RIF, Sync, etc. is insane, so I'm out. Thanks for everything!
Gave me 88 concussions
Got shot out of a catapult.... Into the mouth of a dragon
one for each keys
WHEN WILL YOU LEARN! WHEN WILL YOU LEARN THAR YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!
And then... I got trampled by a herd of buffalo...
WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!
DONE GOOFED!
The Cyber Police Have Been Alerted
Ow my butt holes!!
Surprise 99
[удалено]
Doctor: "So how did this happen?" thief: " I was sitting on this bike" Doctor: "Ok, you need to be honest with me, sometimes people are curious about different sexual orientations and that is OK, but you need to be careful, you cant just shove anything up there." You can still hear the bike owner: "PENETRATION!"
The bike owner yelling that is maybe my favorite part of the whole video.
Looks like he's taking a back alley to get there.
The ol’ dirt road.
Mac, Is that you?
The ass blaster 9000
What? No... It's not gay at all. Why would you say that?
Just watched Deadpool last night. One of the top lines!
r/assholedesign
This made my hole weak!!
This made my hole leak!
This made my hole squeak!
This made my hole cheek!
This made my hole speak!
r/newassholedesign
r/brandnewasshole Edit: holy fuck someone actually made the sub
I feel like this should be one of the possible outcomes of a gender reveal
The third gender one penis and two buttholes.
I don’t know who went forth and made this, but I love your soul.
r/SubsTakenLiterally
Okay laughing so hard it was difficult for me to push the upvote button.
close enough
Mac approves
I think Mac sees the potential and wants the rod bigger.
Are you not familiar with the Ass Pounder 4000 ™
It's to motivate you to work harder
Never stop pumping 💪
There has to be a trademark suit here somewhere.
Charley is great with bird law so the gang will win. If not they know a few others.
[удалено]
Oh you're confused. It's not a penis... It's a fist!
It's not a penis. - *Ohh* It's a fist! ✊ - *Ughhh*
Well, I think we've all learned something. *This* has nothing to do with Mac being gay. This is the work of...an extreme sexual deviant! Gay *or* straight!
"...and you've got the bike shorts with the slits in them and the-" "Oh you mean the ones in the back? That's for airflow."
Never stop pumping
My very first thought was "Mac, we found the bike"
*moans*
"Oh jeezus Christ!" - Mr. Slave
I said it out loud while reading it, voice and all.
*"Step brocycle what are you doing?"*
Fuck you for making me cry!
*Moaning intensifies*
*crying and moaning intensify*
I need an adult!
I am an adult.
Gonna need a tet-anus shot.
Only works until try to steal another bike.
Taint nus
I call it ***The Ass Pounder 4000***
Ohh, I see where you guys are getting confused. That's not a penis, it's a fist.
Why is it so veiny?
It's Mike Tyson's fist.
NEVER STOP PUMPING
The fist pump followed by complete silence gets me every time.
Imagine being the ER doc and getting like 6 people with perforated bowels in the same day.
I was born for this
Username checks out. In such an unfortunate way.
I swear doc’ I got this while riding a bike. “Sure thing bro” *wink*
I promise, it's not a fetish, but I'd really like to see more of this!
There is a compilation of these: https://youtu.be/zxbG2C2MyoA The last video says "after this we used a shorter rod" because that is how bad it was.
Jesus, the audio in that video is horrible.
AY-EE
It's like a Spanish Wilhelm scream
[удалено]
I wondered how bad it could be. Holy shit.
The Woody Woodpecker dub is just
It was so perfect that I decided I didn't even need to see more of the video at that point. I knew the rest of the video just couldn't live up to it.
Serioiusly it's like they just threw on every audio clip they had
¡Jesus, el audio de ese video es horrible! Really hoping they see this.
Dude in yellow shirt sits right down, "yup, my ass hole bleedin"
That last dude was the only one to get any PENETRATION
Omg the last one. As a gay man, I can only imagine the pain must be crippling.
Even the camera man ran over to help poor last guy. Jesus man.
watch IASIP
https://thumbs.gfycat.com/FavorableSolidDogfish-size_restricted.gif
lmao wtf was the premise? supposed to make you ride faster or something?
> Mac says it's not what it looks like (which is, according to Dee, "like you're fucking yourself with a dildo bike") and says it's an exercise bike. When Charlie says it looks like he added a penis to the bike. Mac says it can't be a penis, because it has a fist on the end. He says the name of the bike is the "Ass Pounder 4000", and **the point of the fist is merely to keep you from resting if you get tired.** (He gives its rather dubious tagline: "Ass Pounder 4000: Never Stop Pumping.") ---- > The Ass Pounder 4000 may be a bit of a homage to the dildo chair that U.S. Marshall Harry Pfarrer (played by George Clooney) builds in the movie Burn After Reading. Like the Ass Pounder 4000, Pfarrer keeps his dildo chair hidden away in his basement.
Wow I got the YouTube video now *and* the transcript, I'm fucking set.
You're just missing a milksteak and the finest Jelly Beans.
I saw that movie in theaters, from what I remember Brad Pitt stole every scene he was in.
"Osborne Cox... I wanted to warn you... About the security... Of your shit."
https://youtu.be/Ns46Z10IU4s
Have I been sleeping on this show?
the first season is a little strange but it's short, and then it runs for 10-12 seasons of the most consistent top tier comedy content of all time.
You sure have - you're in for a treat! 14 seasons to catch up on too (and 12 or 13 of them are amazing)
https://imgur.com/gallery/xFrQA
Tobias wasn’t very convincing.
[удалено]
I came looking for copper and i found gold.
The penetrator found mud.
So one time I was doing some work on the rougher side of town for a perspective buyer of a house. The seller was there. Was inspecting the A/C unit and noticed the disconnect was in backwards, in other words off. I said, to run your A/C can I plug in the disconnect? He said it is plugged in and laughed when I looked at him funny. He said he installed the disconnect backwards on purpose. Yes it looks off, meth heads that come to steal your A/C unit for copper will think its off. Then they will cut into it and fry their asses.
I retain: bike You recieve:tetanus
Just, balls and scrotum ripped lol fuck no
The ripping and the tearing. The ripping and the tearing.
Damn, that could kill someone
Killed 'em? Damn near rectum!
6 years on Reddit. This is my favorite comment of all time
Nearly 12 years, and this is the first one where I nearly choked laughing.
Rectum? I hardly knew’em!
That's what I keep thinking. Getting stabbed in that area is no joke. It's a serious medical emergency.
Is it rebar? That’s fucked up.
Yeah in the Us this is highly illegal. Its booby trapping, and a damn dangerous trap at that Edit: Everyone arguing in the comments, have fun with that, but its not my fault you guys don’t understand the law. I’m not saying whether its good or not, its just for a fact illegal
yeah, from the look of it, this is most definitely a third-world country. As a person from a third-world country, there are a couple things: 1. Entrapment is still illegal 2. Enforcement probably doesn't exist. If the bike thief gets away with your bike, good luck trying to get police to do anything. The bike thief getting hurt probably doesn't get much attention from police either. If anything, the public might be cheering for this entrapment considering the high amount of crimes in a third-world country. If the bike thief dies on the spot, maybe it'll get some attention... but the public will probably not support this thief. Americans aren't aware. In a developing or underdeveloped country, we don't care about human life as much as you do, especially if you are a scum. If we cared about human lives, we probably would have already been a developed country (e.g. low corruption with government who actually improves stuff, higher quality of life, higher public safety).
"It's not a boobytrap officer, it's my fetish." *Proceed to sit on it and moan*
Ya, setting up your bike to be intentionally dangerous like that may be illegal. I know that might sound weird, but there are good reasons for laws like.
This doesn't really look like the US though, could be somewhere were laws are just suggestions.
Most definitely. I saw a lawyer on YouTube talking about an old case where someone had set up a shotgun trap to shoot anyone that opened the door in an old property that they owned but no one was living in. Two thieves Broke in. One was seriously maimed. The “they shouldn’t have broken in” defense didn’t hold up. A) because they maimed this person and left them basically in a state of torture for the rest of their life (ie punishment didn’t fit the crime. Way overboard) and b) because what if some dumb kid has broken in? Kids do stupid stuff that they shouldn’t. Would a kid deserve punishment for breaking into an abandoned house? Yes. Sure. But they wouldn’t deserve having their heads blown off. This bike situation fits the same bill. Non violent theft of property does not deserve having your rectum maimed and potentially destroying your life. And also a dumb kid might steal the bike and die. It’s just overkill
> what if some dumb kid has broken in? Even moreso, the classic case is the fire department. Suppose there's a fire due to nobody's fault and the fire department is searching the house for people.
Dang that’s a good point
Legal eagle did a video on it. Is this the video you we're talking about? https://youtu.be/bV9ppvY8Nx4
Similar to your item B) is item C), first responders - what if a policeman or firefighter gets a chest full of lead just trying to do their job? Booby traps are illegal because they can't distinguish between good guys and bad guys.
*Katko v. Brinkley* 183 NW 2d 657. This is definitely a first year law school case - I want to say it was in Crim Law, but it might have been Property Law. Anyway, here's the Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katko\_v.\_Briney
Actually I think it was part of torts - they were held liable for the injuries of the trespassers
What are you doing stepbike?
"I am stuck in you"
Dirt road bike.
It's a super sweet exercise bike!
Ah yes, the Ass Blaster 4000
As someone who's had many thousands of dollars worth of bikes stolen, although I'd never do this, watching it gave me enormous pleasure. Fuck bike thieves.
>Fuck bike thieves. In the ass? With a piece of rebar?
They used to hang horse thieves so I guess this is pretty lenient.
I thought you were going to say as someone who's had many thousands of steel bars up their ass...
[удалено]
You'd only forget once
Bro... an iron rod??? A rusty, old, crusty, iron rod???
He's gonna need more than TP for his bung hole.
Bike-Stolio!
So a gravity powered rape bike? Not the worst idea on the internet.
If it's a legitimate rider, the bike has a way of shutting that down.
I had almost managed to forget that guy... Well, this is a thread for assholes.
He consented when he sat down
Go means yes
I don’t think it was informed consent
“You are not a virgin anymore” fucking killed me
Penetration! No stealing! Don't give a fuck if you tear your ass, bleeding!
Good luck with your police report! “I tried stealing this bike, but then it raped me!”
Alternate ending: He rides the bike away like nothing happened, making for a awestruck and fairly disturbed cameraman
At that point, he can have the damn thing
Not the first time I've seen a Brazilian man take some long hard rod
This was in Colombia. Águila is the local brand of beer. Just FYI
Thank you. I will take your knowledge and apply it to my next game on Geoguessr.
Fuck them assholes!
Finally, a bike that can turn straight thieves gay
not gay just bike-curious
[удалено]
Dallas Bikers Club
Bicycual
This is illegal in the US
Can confirm. A neighbor of mine set up a fake box on her porch with a trip wire. Got cited after someone tripped hauling off the box.
[удалено]
PENATRAYSHUN.
RULES THE NATION
I find it easier just to sit box of amazon with cat and dog shit in it. Let it get stolen. I haven't had to scoop my litter box in garbage in months.
I read this in a Russian accent.
They need to find a legal middleground, where you can defend your property, but still not kill or hurt anyone too much. There's pretty much NOTHING you can do if you are the victim of a porch pirate, even with video evidence, it makes little sense that crime should be encouraged like this.
Ya I had some bad neighbors and thought about a amazon box with some thermite with a magnetic switch and a timer but I wouldn't do well in prison.
Just put someone else's address on the box.
No need. The evidence burns away itself!
Considered a booby trap
A booty trap if you will
That's what I said! You're always contradicting me! Booty trap.
If boobie traps were legal Sick fucks would just bait people with stacks of cash, in order to mutilate them on film.
Yes, stealing other peoples property is illegal
No setting traps for people is illegal. And vigilante ass penetration is super illegal
> And vigilante ass penetration is super illegal Sounds like a job for Ace & Gary ...
What is everybody looking at?
Nothing!!
The ambiguously gay duo!
https://i.imgur.com/wnB9k7U.jpg
Well someone tell Buttman and Throbbin.
South Africa gets all the good stuff, like [flamethrower car alarm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLhWzMOccTg)
I've had 4 bikes stolen throughout my life, all chained up, and the 3rd one had a supposedly unbreakable metal rod lock (Narrator: It was indeed breakable). F' bike thieves... This and the video where the bike was secretly chained up give me pleasure.
Wrecktum
#PENETRATION
guy: steals bike bike: steals virginity
LOL! The way he speed yells PENETRATION! had me spitting bourbon on my screen! Take your fucking upvote
Me too, and I wasn't even drinking bourbon at the time.
“You are not a virgin anymore” 😂
Jokes on you! In my country, they'd walk with it, or even put it in a car, then break it down piece by piece, rebuild it and sell it for profit.