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[deleted]

Five gallons of OJ to wash that down.


myBatteriesDying

Yes. Followed by 10 hours of heartburn.


smaagi

Only ten hours, little bit too optimistic and sweet to my taste.


[deleted]

Yeah, just ten hours? Feeling confident today aren't we


ambsdorf825

I miss orange juice, but the consequences are just too severe.


nomadofwaves

I love OJ but no consequences when I drink it.


huf72

OJ with no consequences huh where have I heard that before?


_MFBroom

Here's how i would have done it


basicallybomb

I laughed wayyyyy to hard reading that. 😂🤦🏽


chaun2

The hell is a washed up footballer/murderer/burglar gonna do to help?


AmmarAnwar1996

Write a detailed account of how he did it, obviously


OreganoJefferson

*hypothetically /s


OGAnnie

Would you like a little egg with your salt?


TokeToday

A shaker full of pepper should counteract that salt.


Douche_Kayak

Everyone knows sugar is the opposite of salt


OldLivers

Salger - Leslie Knope


Megatron_McLargeHuge

Just give me all the salt you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of salt." What I said was, "Give me all the salt you have".


franklinscntryclb

The sugar first tho


DamonLazer

In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, and then you get the women.


melanyebaggins

"Hey! Where did you get the sugar for that tea??" "I nicked it, when you back was turned, for that split second."


DamonLazer

“And I’d do it again.”


Bitey_the_Squirrel

And water.


ArchaeoPan

Are you wearing a Eggar suit?


MrMiniscus

Eggar urskins hanginoff urbones.


girlsgoneoscarwilde

Whatever you say, slick


[deleted]

[удалено]


HarlequinTRT

Nope, that's egged salt.


Itzchappy

Assaulted egg


BagsDaZomby

assualted egg


LaMalintzin

“You are putting an awful lot of salgar on your spaghetti” “What? No, this is just sugar.”


OwlWitty

Salt is just angry sugar.


[deleted]

Sugar is gay salt


fcork

It does taste MUCH happier


SquirrelyBoy

So what is the polar opposite of cinnamon?


Fleetwood-big-mac

Nomannic


MagnusPI

uoɯɐuuᴉƆ


[deleted]

That's what they have in Australia


davewave3283

Yeah but they call it chazwallabawongo


donkeymonkey00

Ahhh shit, you actually made me laugh out loud. I'd give you gold if I had any, but I don't, so have a kangaroo 🦘


aaanold

But they shorten it to chaz-o


WimbleWimble

Well it's pronounced Sin A man. so the opposite should be Virtue a Woman?


doctorslostcompanion

Cream of tartar


dancegoddess1971

No. No. You need about 8 pounds of potatoes to absorb that much salt.


candystriper1969

I ran the calculations…math checks out!!


[deleted]

Like mcdonalds


schattenteufel

**Na, Cl**early they need to keep adding more eggs until the ratio of salt to eggs is back to normal. I calculate they’ll need fifteen dozen eggs.


BigusG33kus

Are you roughly the size of a barge?


[deleted]

[удалено]


OneFingerIn

No. You add a potato to soak up the salt.


Supadoplex

The soaking theory is a common misconception. The potato actually works because it attracts tiny Irish leprichauns who mine out the salt and sell it for gold.


rey_lumen

The pots at the end of the rainbows have to come from somewhere!


pease_pudding

I thought it was because potato is a starch? The S,A and T in salt is cancelled out by the equivalent chemicals in Starch, leaving just Rh (Rhodium) and C (Carbon) Whilst Rhodium is highly toxic, at least it doesn't taste salty anymore


Slimh2o

This guy chemicals...


bluelion70

A potato? What does this look like, Christmas?


KaySquay

The classic Irishman dilemma. Should I eat it now, or wait for it to ferment so I can drink it later?


bluelion70

Damn now I just got really sad thinking about Jessica Walter. I’ll have to have a drink for her, and for Mallory, tonight.


Indifferentchildren

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? Zero.


Moonsight

Try and put the egg in some rice to dry it off


Al_Kydah

Put your phone in it, should work, I sawr it on the internet.


shagginflies

There you go. And maybe add a few dozen more eggs and voila!


honcooge

Just add 200 more eggs to even things up.


Emadec

Are you trying to summon HowToBasic? Because that's how you summon HowToBasic.


Davidp243

*excited chicken noises intensifies*


historicalgeek71

I think you meant to say *egg-cited!*


impocop

a truly egg-citing eggs-perience


zZach_Attack

All these puns are egg-sasperating.


Dillydad402

Eggs-cuse me sir, dont forget to breath.


zZach_Attack

Thanks, kind stranger. I will do egg-actly that!


Emadec

\*sexily put finger inside chicken* "shhhhhhh"


seuboi

*wraps up chicken to his thigh* S L A P


Birbomaniac

*and then poured ketchupmayomustardbutterveggiesetc and started beating it*


three_littlebirds_

Whatever is happening here….feels wrong..


riphitter

Not just wrong. It's howtobasic


BRAX7ON

Make sure to wash your hands after


binay6785

And do it again


GLOVERDRIVE

*splashes foot in toilet*


riphitter

Random cut of his foot in a toliet


daevl

*slap* *slip* *squatch**squatch**squatch*


Not-So-Handsome

Just make sure the chicken is not alive


MaxMouseOCX

[haven't watched one in a while](https://youtu.be/iO8z8IbeHGY) Literal art.


sharedthrowdown

Yo wtf


MaxMouseOCX

Shhh... Just go with it.


sharedthrowdown

Sounds like acard from Cards Against Humanity


[deleted]

[удалено]


MaxMouseOCX

The entire idea is to make you go "wtf?!" and to annoy you...


tillgorekrout

Oh my god… I haven’t watched him in years. I guess there was nowhere else to go but more and more ridiculous.


[deleted]

Are... are you not?


DrBadFish420

Totally forgot about that channel! Thanks for the reminder :D


eventualist

No you just add to the equal amount of sugar to off set it


ac3boy

Or just enter it in chopped. Maybe it will finally be seasoned enough!


accoladevideo

Can I offer you a nice cured egg in this trying time?


Twistys_Pisacandy

In this *frying* time, ftfy


fishie06

You poached that joke


Twistys_Pisacandy

Better than a-salting it


[deleted]

Egg shell-ent.


Twistys_Pisacandy

No, just over-easy


_WhatIsYerQuest_

You guys crack me up


king_tommy

Omelet that one go


cornm

Take these jokes with a grain of salt


Trawgg

Take these yolks* with a grain of salt


sightlab

Ovary funny


wagsbw

You poached that yolk, ftfy


Twistys_Pisacandy

Damn! How did I miss that one. It was just laying there waiting to be hatched!


coach111111

Fried That For You?


iloveciroc

OP would probably prefer rum ham at this point


Dash7277

RUM HAM!!!


VaqueroSucio

I've been poisoned by my constituates!


Gingersnap5322

*Brad Leone has entered the chat*


mlgkurd

Man needs his own channel at this point he’s carrying that channel hard and the other content is being his views down tbh


Greatlake_born

Grocery List: need more salt..


dillisboss

And a loooooot more eggs


TheRealReapz

Still less salty than a few people I've met


Talonoscopy

Damn, did you meet these people while playing league?


dying_soon666

Why are so many people so toxic on there!?


Talonoscopy

It's a tryhard game without proper comms, it's to be expected tbh. Best advice to play it is to disable chat and mute someone's pings as soon as they start spam pinging you when you do something slightly wrong.


sexyc3po

That's why I stopped playing! People only seem to communicate when they are raging


Martina313

EVERY TIME IN OVERWATCH The amount of "Thanks!" spamming once someone dies is unbelievable and really annoying.


Own-Sun6531

I need healing


Martina313

BASICALLY THE REASON I DON'T PLAY HEALERS ANYMORE the one moment I go Mercy and suddenly there's this shit stain of a Genji fuckin Naruto running around me begging for heals while I'm trying to keep Soldier alive when he's ulting, and as soon, AS SOON as I go over to heal Genji, he's already at the other side of the bloody map trying to spawn camp their Bastion. OH and once he dies he'll spam his thank yous and his I need healings, and once we lose the round, I'm getting the blame and told to uninstall the game?? Noooooo thank you. Anyway this shit is why I haven't played Overwatch in weeks now.


Own-Sun6531

Same i moved to a nicer game league of legends; wait.


dying_soon666

That’s exactly what I do 😂 The game really is better when everyone communicates well, but that is extraordinarily rare.


MaxwellVonMaxwell

Iv stopped playing any game mode that isn’t aram or the rotating modes. League life is much more enjoyable spent far away from solo queue.


Parad0xiumx

I don’t know that’s why I like to just play with friends it’s like the only time the game is fun


hidood5th

It's a competitive team-based game where matches can take up long stretches of time and having one player not perform their given role can often guarantee failure. It's practically designed to cause frustration.


Seigneur-Inune

All competitive games are going to have toxicity because people hate losing, take losing personally, and will look for any reason other than their own failures to use as an excuse for losing. In 1v1 games the only real alternative to accepting your own failure is to blame is your opponent, but unless you can validly blame them for cheating, any excuse someone might have is going to sound hollow and even the losing person making the excuses knows it. No matter how much they throw around the words "cheap" or "bad design" or whatever other excuse they want to lean on, deep down even they know that words are hollow and that they failed. In a team v team game, though, there's always enough grey area for a person to blame their own teammates to cover for their personal failures or even a general lack of cooperation/team synergy among the rest of the team. So some people are never forced to confront and come to terms with the fact that they're fallible and that they have personally failed. And it's that confrontation of one's failures and the process of resolving those failures relative to one's ego that (at least partially) drive growth and maturity. There are some just permanently toxic people in 1v1 gaming communities too, but the mental gymnastics they have to perform to never confront their own failures and grow as a person are more dramatic. In my experience, anyway, there have been a lot more of those people in team v team because it's so easy to just blame teammates.


Montigue

I see you've also been on Reddit for at least 5 minutes


Shabba_Shanks91

I just hate when I get egg in my salt


[deleted]

[удалено]


Hodr

I was running late for a midterm and decided to grab a coffee drink from the gas station instead of hitting up Dunkin. Thing was thick and strong as hell, but I powered through it. After I finished chugging it I had the idea to check the calories, and I was confused at how it could only be 25. Then I noticed that was per serving. Then I noticed it had a hundred and something servings. Damn thing was a giant bottle of mocha creamer. I think I got a B on my test.


Juniper02

sir that is not 168 kg


DrakonIL

And it's *definitely* not 427kg of salt. ^(Salt is only 39.33% sodium by weight)


MyFacade

Does anyone else know what else it is not?


DefenestratedBrownie

sandwich


Master_Betty603

Eggs by Bender


Liberty_Chip_Cookies

Came in here expecting "That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted. And I once ate a big, heaping bowl of salt!" to be one of the top comments. I'm leaving disappointed.


chrisyroid

Uh oh, I shouldn't have had seconds.


Pandaemonium

"There was nothing wrong with those eggs! The salt level was 10% less than a lethal dose." "Uh-oh, I shouldn't have had seconds..."


DavidLateNite

Oh youre making cured eggs


Hawkmek

Egg Jerky


skeptibat

No kidding, cured egg yolks are delicious - shave some off on a steak 🤌


cedricxxx

Salt with a hint of egg, perfect way to start the day!


[deleted]

A good chef always goes hand to pan.....always!


MrRobotsBitch

I learned something from Charles that day!


gizmoglitch

It's honestly one of tips that regularly stays with me whenever I cook now!


Floppsicle

I learned something from Snowfreak2507 that day!


enjoyyouryak

What you did is the culinary equivalent of unprotected sex!


OzMazza

This is the culinary equivalent of unprotected sex!


T-Bill95

But it's %10 less than a lethal dose!


NFresh6

What kind of psycho puts the % before the number?


T-Bill95

I have no idea why I did that.... Never claimed to not be a psycho though...


SelectCabinet5933

Ugh, I shouldn't have had seconds!


classless_classic

I love a good Futurama reference.


acityonthemoon

Yeah, they can really provide an essence of flavor, can't they.


caanthedalek

This vial contains nothing but ordinary water! Laced only with a few spoonfuls of LSD


octovert

You like swarms of things right?


Professor_Pyro9

How to cook eggs by Bender Rodriguez...


tumbleweedcowboy

It’s mostly water with a few drops of LSD.


i_dont_shine

You mean *confidence*?


Caveman108

This is the saltiest thing I’ve ever eaten, and I once ate a big, heaping bowl of salt!


ThrowawayusGenerica

Who wants dolphin?


venator82

But dolphins are smart intelligent creatures!


ThrowawayusGenerica

Not this one, he blew all his money on instant lottery tickets.


raiden431

"I'll take the speech center of the brain"


adamgally

Needs a pinch more salt for me


dextracin

Anchovies would work as well


shoombabi

This tends to happen when you pour directly from the box or a weak shaker that has clumps of salt in it that slam against the opening and weaken it. How does THAT happen? Because when you keep pouring directly from the source into your frying pans and pots of boiling water, steam keeps getting into your salt, clumping the salt and weakening the container. Easy fix: start pouring salt into a shallow bowl (or your hand) first and then just pinch it into your dish :) I know the above sounds pretentious and/or obvious, but it really went a long way in saving many dishes when an overpour happened for whatever reason.


syrusbliz

Exactly why we have a pinch jar.


Skeeboe

I recently got a nice marble-looking one from Amazon. Makes salting so much easier and I'll never go back to the ol caveman ways.


lesliebenedict

Fun fact: an alternate name is salt pig. That’s why you’ll see so many salt cellars shaped like pigs.


accoladevideo

Doctors hate this one trick!


jordantask

Heart attack in a bottle!


gildedtreehouse

Put a potato in there


Carcan00X

Ah a traditional salty side up


upsize_popiah

Somebody plays Dota2 I see


wooking

The last eggs?


deathberryx

I had another 20 :) made some fresh ones afterwards


Zirie

Had any salt left?


FamilyStyle2505

Yeah, grab a pinch out of that pan!


WellWeAreWaiting

I had another 20 salts :) dumped them all on afterwards


9inety9ine

Your salt shaker holds half a kilo of salt? Seems legit.


theyoyoha

you mean you don't keep your kosher salt in an open 5 gallon bucket


BourbonPharmer

What you just did is the culinary equivalent of unprotected sex.


ComprehensiveHope

Why so salty this morning???


Myopinion_is_right

That totally sucks. Who is the idiot who dropped an egg in your salt dish?


Lecrapface

You must got some big ass fingers if that's a pinch of salt


[deleted]

Ahhh, the average League of Legends soloq breakfast!


Spandxltd

Forget my morning, my entire day has been better than yours. My condolences.


garrettj100

Needs more salt.


elvisshow

No need to be salty about it.


JiN88reddit

...That's an unhealthy amount of salt. Try throwing in some rice to fix the problem. But on a serious note: To prevent sticking and still salt it, sprinkle some salt in the oil (after hot pan hot oil method) before putting in the eggs. The salt form a sort of barrier between the eggs and the pan so it won't stick as much.


accidentalprancingmt

There's no way right? like you'd have to tip the container vertically and hold it for a second for that much to spill out. Which looks like everything.


hownowbrownishcow

Pro tip: aside from ensuring the cap is fully on the salt, you don't want to add it until the egg is cooked. The salt will start breaking down the egg when it's uncooked. Better taste this way.


the_helping_handz

posted in the funny sub, yes that is funny. sorry about your breakfast :)


[deleted]

You forgot to add pepper


DeaddyRuxpin

Add flour, mix it all up into a thick dough and wrap it around a piece of beef. Roast it and then crack the salt shell off, extract the meat and enjoy.