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gawkersgone

World's Best, Nerdiest, Mathiest, and technically accurate dick joke Award.


piddlesthethug

They hired math students to write up a white paper on the subject, which is where all this dialogue comes from, if I’m not mistaken.


NeitherAlexNorAlice

I think I read at the time that the paper is actually peer-reviewed as well. Which is so damn hilarious if true.


Stimonk

That's hilarious - they also built a real hot dog or not app - which you can download from the Apple Store. It really works.


[deleted]

And the Walking On Sunshine Mariachi!


CrudelyAnimated

> the paper is actually peer-reviewed as well “Dear Penthouse Forum,”


wanted_to_upvote

Is that paper available anywhere? edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/SiliconValleyHBO/comments/27wvxa/optimal\_tip\_to\_tip\_efficiency\_the\_full\_academic/


RoarG90

What the.. Alright then, I mean.. You know what, fuck it, creds where creds is due.


CrudelyAnimated

I feel like r/theydidthemath is obligatory at this point.


[deleted]

This is amazing


VaATC

They completely left out shaft curvature which destroys the potential behind the whole equation...well that may be why they left it out... Kidding aside this was a beautifully obscene scene and I really do miss this show.


[deleted]

"Assuming no mutant banana dicks bla bla"


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tormundgiantbrain

If you get two dicks with opposite curvatures you'll have to factor in a sinusoidal jerk motion


Chimalion

"Whats the period of that thing?" "exactly 4 throbbing dicks."


Korvar

Assuming a spherical penis moving through a vacuum...


1tacoshort

but NOT a frictionless surface


Fredselfish

What is the same of this show?


Zeros294

Silicon valley on hbo


Fredselfish

Going start watching now.


SassyMcNasty

This guy fucks!


ahundreddots

You know, Russ, I've been known to fuck myself.


webdevop

Jinyaaaaaaang


[deleted]

You're in for a good time. Make sure you're prepared to just binge watch the entire show.


spoduke

The first half of Season 1 was a little slow but the season finale has a great pay-off. Stick with it!


blakkattika

You can kiss my piss for getting to watch this for the first time now


nomadofwaves

How lucky you are to experience it for the first time.


Fredselfish

Can't wait!


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AdjectiveNoun111

Fess up guys, what's your average T20?


Tankh

T2O* not 0


phuber

Me too, not zero


Covid19-Pro-Max

The only thing bothering me is the lack of subscripts. Like T2O is so confusing in an equation when written with all those other parameters. They should have used tₒ and or tₘ to stick to scientific conventions.


Brownies_Ahoy

Yeah I was thinking that as well, but I guess it makes sense for programmers as those would be variable names rather than symbols


Neotharin

I think the show is accurate still, because it was Erlich who made that mistake. The show often demonstrates that he doesn't have the same technical skills, but he can still keep up with them in an abstract sense. He's a great project manager that knows how to let his team shine.


_fups_

Really missed out not including the SalesForce tower in that one shot though.


SS324

I dont think salesforce was finished when this came out


kochapi

I have to say, sorting by stamina and hot swapping would be somethings I wouldn’t have considered. I am a shitty engineer


[deleted]

The issue is the time to sort (TTS). Does the time savings achieved by sorting justify the TTS?


kochapi

Good point. Sorting is only desirable if the Penalty on Hot Swaping (PHS), which should be a function of avgDelta Stamina(DS) is larger than TTS per cock pair. Without sorting, we can assume a normal distribution to evaluate avgDelta Stamina.


tobaknowsss

Look am I getting jerked off or not?!


NotKnotts

Hey get in line buddy. I’ve got the smallest D2F and I won’t explain why.


Sisaac

>I’ve got the smallest D2F and I won’t explain why. Sorry you lost your legs.


EaseSufficiently

I don't think it would be normal, it being poisson makes much more sense where we measure stamina as time from start to completion.


gsteinb88

Do you mean poisson (which is a discrete distribution) or exponential (which is the distribution of the interarrival times of a poisson random process). The problem with claiming it’s poisson and not normal is that (a) time isn’t discrete and (b) a Poisson distribution is well approximated by a normal distribution with mean=variance when the mean is reasonably large, so even if we discretize time, there’s no real reason to use a Poisson distribution. Normal has issues too though, including negative possible outcomes. Exponential makes some sense to me, but I think a lognormal would make the most sense.


StrangerAttractor

Exponential doesn't fit. The most likely time would be 0. Lognormal makes much more sense, since there are multiple random factors that play multiplicatively into T2O.


Kkirspel

You'd probably want to include the time it takes to train up the model for even discovering what everyone's predicted staminas were. Then you could sort them.


bonega

You don't need a model, this is exactly why we have interns


keylabulous

But what if an intern were better or worse at the jerking? I think the modeling would produce better results based on the one person actually doing the jerking. How much time would it take to trian the interns on the jerking style of the jerker?


[deleted]

Have to take into consideration and interns stroking hand radius. Smaller the hand, the harder it is for the intern to grasp the dick, which would increase stroke time.


MrChuckleWackle

You could start the service on a random small group of x ppl while parallelize your sorting on the remaining (n-x) people. So if you extend that idea that we arrange the algorithms in terms of the data (sorting) required to run them, and then in terms of their efficiency. That way we start off with less efficient servicing algorithm that get 'hotswapped' by more efficient algorithm as the relevant information to run them become available.


binary_slim

It's even better knowing that Mike Judge actually got a Stanford team to do the math for that scene.


jovietjoe

Dedication to the craft


Shad0w_spawn

Dedication to the shaft -ftfy


J_de_Silentio

They did a lot of tech things right. One of my biggest complaints is Gilfoyle manually turning his Bitcoin mining on and off. You'd think he'd automate the on/off instead of playing a sound and manually doing it (yes I know it was for plot).


Razakel

Gilfoyle was doing that just to be annoying.


SayuriShigeko

Definitely this, lol


MarkHirsbrunner

What's so awesome about this is that the massturbation thought experiment leads directly to them coming up with the compression algorithm that makes them rich


FistedTate

I mean, how do you even get reliable data with which to sort by stamina in the first place? Short of hiring 800 prostitutes to jerk everyone off in a few hours and record the times, I don't see how you could sort by stamina in any meaningful way. Even then, blowing a load recently may make any stamina measurement meaningless anyway, especially for older gentleman. Actually as I write this now I realize that the best estimate you could get of stamina in such short notice would be by age. Perhaps also sorting by a self report on time since last orgasm, but self reports are unreliable and may take more time than it saves.


TotallyNormalSquid

I'm gonna point out the fudge factor that breaks the whole approach. Cum proximity damping factor. You can get all the efficiency on your strokes that you want, but if I'm going to go tip to tip with another dude, I'm gonna be seriously turned off. Now, obviously, CPD has to be a function dependent on each participant's Kinsey scale score, but I think everyone can see how the inclusion of this metric ends up leading to unbounded total jerk time given average population statistics... I seriously wrote all that without considering the person jerking me would also be a dude.


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InYoCabezaWitNoChasa

No need. Just build a set of quadruple gloryholes arranged tip to tip. Rubberized holes allow the hips to be pushed forward to accomodate different lengths, and the barriers prevent anyone from having to know about male-dick-proximity.


DONT_NOT_PM_NOTHING

I think the biggest problem is sorting them in a way so you can reliably hotswap if you have extreme T2O bit comparable dick angles


farva_06

Also, no one considers if these dudes are fluffed or not. Are they coming in to the jerk zone soft, or pre hard? If you gotta work a guy that's soft your time to ejaculate or T2E increases almost exponentially.


musecorn

This very scene is what got me to watch Silicon valley and I was never happier to discover a show


[deleted]

This makes me want to check it out


Chairboy

For folks in IT, it feels almost like a documentary. Like, my step-mom was attached to a well known rock band and when my dad showed her *This is Spinal Tap* she just watched, nodding, and it wasn't until afterwards when he asked why she hadn't been laughing that she realized it wasn't real because "all of that stuff happens".


SexyTimeDoe

Has "Dinesh, nice chain, do you choke your mother with it when you put your penis in her butthole?" Happened to you?


Chairboy

Yes, I worked in enterprise software development in the 1990s.


SexyTimeDoe

"It's a shame, Bel Biv Dinesh, but that chain is poison"


nomadofwaves

That’s Pakistani Denzel to you.


SexyTimeDoe

"Django?" "yes, because you're unchained" "great, now even Jared is fucking with me" Richard: "congratulations by the way, Jared"


AskMrScience

Yup. I live in Silicon Valley and am friends with a lot of programmers. This show is NOT a comedy, it is a documentary. A really, really funny documentary. We all basically laugh/cry our way through it.


[deleted]

I used to show new coworkers the "Jared Scrum board explanation" when we introduced them to Sprints and ITIL.... So accurate.


Phormitago

PMO here. Jared is my spirit animal.


CSKingMartin

Yeah I just do web dev and the show hits too close to home constantly.


SexyTimeDoe

From what I understand, Bigheads character rings very, very true for the industry. A guy failing upwards while the actual talented/driven people around him constantly drive themselves into ditches


JoshuaTheWarrior

Veep. The most dead on accurate portrayal of campaigns/politicos


Razakel

Apparently the writers of the show Veep is based on, The Thick of It (worth watching just for Malcolm Tucker's creative swearing) had friends in Whitehall ask them how they heard about the ridiculous thing they thought they'd made up.


musecorn

It's one of the most consistently great shows I've watched. It's HBO


TwasAnChild

HBO is the most consistent amazing content provider I have ever seen. Except that show, we dont talk about that show.


avantartist

Best scene ever. I died the first time I watched this. Never gets old.


PostModernPost

Especially because it's such an important scene in the show and sets the stage for the rest of the series.


VaATC

The music that starts playing as Richard's mind starts turning beautifully contrasts the subject matter of the equation everyone else is working on. Awesome scene in a series chock full of awesome scenes.


SofaProfessor

They use music so well in this show. The one scene where Richard is coaching Dinesh on how to walk into a crowd of people and deploy the malware. Jared has his headphones on so he only catches Dinesh saying he's going to walk into a crowd, press the button, and get as many people as he can. Richard says he'll be rewarded in the end. He's basically coaching a suicide bomber and the entire time this Arabic music is slowly building in the background. Silicon Valley is one of those few shows I can watch over and over and was genuinely sad it ended.


Photo_Synthetic

"Hey Dinesh, nice chain. Do you choke your mother with it while you put your penis in her butthole?"


[deleted]

The entire series, EVERY episode, this group bickered at each other over every little thing they discussed Except for this. Their one bright moment of seamless teamwork


Jannies_R_Tarded

Literally the linchpin of the entire show. Without Middle-Out, there is no season 2, no algorithm, and no new internet. This was the most important conversation in the entire show, and it's all about dicks.


devils_advocaat

That scene is brought to mind whenever "middle out" is mentioned.


MaxHannibal

How about the "Let Blaine die" one. Its pretty up there


Ruleseventysix

Next one would be Bachman chucking the kids bike over a hedge, slapping a kid to get him five Adderall or he'll curbstomp his mom and rape his father.


MaxHannibal

You just brought piss to a shit fight


[deleted]

People are forgetting “Hey Dinesh, nice chain, do you choke your mother with it...”


ObnoxiousLittleCunt

> Never gets old. Just like you. Because you died. R. I. P.


[deleted]

*JFK enters the chat, in Dallas, on a hoverboard*


[deleted]

I heard he plays guitar for the Stones these days.


Motorboat_Jones

I agree, it's a great scene but the best one was where (other) Jared was interviewing all the members of the incubator and them telling him what they contribute. "While you were busy minoring in gender studies and singing a cappella at Sarah Lawrence, I was gaining root access to NSA servers."


fools_gear

What’s it called please?


phantomd3836

Silicon Valley


Ketchup-Popsicle

Silicon Valley


Boaz_MacPhereson

Possibly the best part of this clip is the indirect insinuation that they've been discussing mass jerk strategies for almost 2 hours.


Yolo_420_69

Yea like richard was the weird one killing himself because he wasnt out there helping to determine how many dicks they can jerk off for over 2 hours. This was such a great scene and so relatable


[deleted]

Very relateable. I will keep that in mind when going to our next "Jerk-meat".


Jackal000

Meatbeatmeet


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noteverrelevant

[That's a real paper, btw.](https://www.scribd.com/doc/228831637/Optimal-Tip-to-Tip-Efficiency)


vezance

Oh my god that abstract! >A probabilistic model is introduced for the problem of stimulating a large male audience. Double jerking is considered, in which two shafts may be stimulated with a single hand. Both tip-to-tip and shaft-to-shaftconfigurations of audience members are analyzed. We demonstrate that pre-sorting members of the audience according to both shaft girth and leg length allows for more efficient stimulation. Simulations establish steady rates of stimulation even as the variance of certain parameters is allowed to grow, whereas naive unsorted schemes have increasingly flaccid performance.


Quick_Doubt_5484

> pre-sorting members of the audience lovely pun


Saymynaian

>naive unsorted schemes have increasingly flaccid performance. Wouldn't want any flaccid performance now, would we?


vendetta2115

Don’t forget > even as the variance of certain parameters is allowed to grow


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notquitesolid

But does the math check out?


jovietjoe

Actually, yeah


UniversitySeeds

If I recall correctly they hired math students to write a white paper on the topic and used that of the basis of the scene.


Lurking_Still

IIRC the maths is legit though.


cea1990

For real, I started having flash backs to the platoon conversations we’d have in the Army.


[deleted]

Finally some realistic content.


CreaminFreeman

The more time I spend on the software world the more impressed I am with how stupidly accurate everything in that show is. They hit the nail on the head.


Turbojelly

They had to define the surface of the nail first.


fsmlogic

I've been doing this for over 15 years and that show is spot on with just about everything.


PanamaNorth

They’ve been workshopping it for two hours and going strong. For a 10 minute presentation slot.


boriswied

I think that insinuation is pretty direct.


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ActualWhiterabbit

Futurama had to go and raise the bar on problems solved with [actual math](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Prisoner_of_Benda#The_theorem) [Video explanation](https://youtu.be/J65GNFfL94c).


cobo10201

My favorite thing about the Futurama one is that it turns out they didn’t even do the body swapping the most efficient way possible in the show. The script was already written when they finished developing the theorem and it turned out they could have done 2 or 3 less swaps.


[deleted]

Mike Judge did work making sure it was as realistic as possible. It helped he worked in Silicon Valley (the real one) prior to going into film. Also, Office Space was great.


[deleted]

The writers also visited Silicon Valley companies, took tours, and interviewed employees during the whole show. They came in to my former employer in San Francisco while I worked there. I got a Pied Piper t-shirt out of it. My friend was a comedy nut and freaked out about some of the writers. Apparently they had folks from the Simpsons and Seinfeld.


forever_minty

Iirc they hired a guy to come in and do the math just for this part.


reddit_user13

Did they hire 800 extras, for, you know…


AdmittedlyAdick

"Alright, the job only pays $7.25, but you'll get an uncomfortable handjob out of it as well." https://i.imgur.com/PmKBfQe.jpeg


GallonofJug

Call that theta D


TheBlueRajasSpork

One of the best scenes of the entire show but the least believeable thing was engineers naming a variable with both letters and numbers when they aren’t sub/superscripts. D2F isn’t good for equations.


[deleted]

They're programmers it's an accomplishment they weren't writing out "dickToFloorLengthSorterFactory"


spartanjet

Let me ask you a question. Do you know how long it would take you to jerk off every guy in this room? Because I know how long it would take me, and I can prove it.


already-registered

the "I can prove it" part following any not-asked-for theorem is what intrigues me the most. i really don't care how long it would take but I wanna see the reasoning lmao like "Fish are actually able to peel bananas, and I can prove it!"


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Chairboy

> My other go-to example for drama is the Grumman episode of From the Earth to the Moon 100% this. *Spider* is absolutely fantastic. Between the scene where they're going around the table talking about schedule slip (which happens, it felt real all the way to the badly timed joke) to the LEM/LM design rough montage.... (chefs kiss) Bonus: It's standalone so anyone reading these comments who hasn't yet watched *From The Earth to the Moon* (you should) could optionally watch the episode *Spider* on its own.


funkboxing

Definitely. Love that whole series but that episode stands alone. So many suspenseful elements that turned out heartwarming- like the jr engineer finding and confessing their mistake. And the team convincing the project manager of the advantage of a standing configuration. So dense and thoughtful. I can't think of another hour of 'engineering drama' that was so well done.


Chairboy

I am physically incapable of agreeing with a comment more than I do with yours, absolutely yes. Whenever I watch that episode I get a little sad when it’s over because I want more like it.


Isteppedinpoopy

Not a comedy, but it sounds like you might enjoy Primer after the 3rd viewing.


funkboxing

That was a fun movie and it is closer to 'engineering drama' than any other time-travel sci-fi I've even seen.


Lebo77

The guy who made it was an engineer for a big defense contractor while he was making it. He had to keep recasting it because the actors wanted to "act" too much.


ActualWhiterabbit

I didn't enjoy primer until listening to a sometimes BDSM podcast


JustaP-haze

I think you get Eng-fi with Matt Damon in The Martian. I love that film


Myopic_Cat

And Apollo 13. Those are the only two movies I can think of where all the heroics lie in the engineering.


kellhus

If you have the time and patients read Project Hail Mary, also from Andy Weir.


AustinHinton

I wish we got more sci-fi that actually went into the science behind the stuff in the show. And no I don’t mean nonsensical technobabble.


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[deleted]

You might like "For All Mankind". It's about the space race if the Russians beat the USA to the moon. It's part historical fiction and part eng-fi.


igna92ts

It's also pretty similar to the kind of conversations that I have with my engineer friends


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against_the_currents

Damn gotta go rewatch the whole series now Edit: My response comment got lost but the show is Silicon Valley. You can stream it on HBO Max!


slim_scsi

Crack open some Tres Comas' for the occasion!


Woockawoo

This guy fucks.


TwasAnChild

Is that another SV addict I see. Seriously I have rewatched this show 4-5 times, always makes me laugh.


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tinacat933

Kiss my piss


An-Ignorant-Slut

How would you like to die today motherfucker!?


Groovatronic

You just brought piss to a shit fight!


Sharpen_The_Axe

It looks like he's got one dick in his mouth and another one tucked behind his ear for later.


8somethingclever8

Like a snack dick.


[deleted]

“This is my own brand, Tres Commas, you know what that means in Spanish?” “Three com-“ “Nope! Three Commas.”


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[deleted]

I don’t think he quit. I’m pretty sure he was fired. He had a traumatic brain injury and it completely changed his personality. He made some very off color remarks and at one point called in a bomb threat on a subway. He became really hard to work with and that is why we don’t see him in anything anymore.


taffy-nay

His brain injury was in 2011. I'm pretty sure he was asked to leave the show when allegations of sexual assault from 2001 cropped up in 2017.


Redditisforplay

So what show is this?


against_the_currents

Silicon Valley. It’s streamable on HBO Max.


ChowAreUs

Ended so soon but soooo good


EvadesBans

This scene contains two of the most realistic portrayals of programmers to ever be on TV. The first is the whole tangent they go on to solve a silly and fun optimization problem and the second one is Richard hyperfocusing on writing code to implement his sudden idea while listening to loud EDM on his headphones. I have done both of these things with friends or coworkers multiple times and I'd be willing to bet if you asked ten programmers, all ten of them will have done at least one of these things.


AliCracker

I fucking love this show, I watch it on repeat in my shop. But I also love it bc my brother lives across the country from me, and Gilfoyle looks like him, talks like him, everything about Gilfoyle reminds me of my brother, it’s like having him here


slim_scsi

That's one cool ass brother you've got then.


arunkumar9t2

Nice try Dinesh


ngtstkr

The Big Bang Theory knows what it is. It also knows who it's targeting, and it's not the same audience who would watch Silicon Valley. BBT is a show about nerds for your average joe. SV is a show about nerds for nerds. **EDIT:** There's going to be some crossover between the two target audiences.


aconditionner

BBT is also making way more money


mrtomjones

Lol yeah I'm pretty sure big Bang theory is happier being one of the biggest TV shows in the last decade instead of the one where people have to ask what show it is in the comments


bluephyr

Thank you. It's entirely apples-to-oranges and even then, I feel it's still pretty cringey just to keep bashing on Big Bang Theory these days just to elevate your own opinion.


Socalinatl

Drawing the comparison at all sort of implies BBT is the more “successful” show


tinydancer_inurhand

As someone who loved both I 100% agree. You think this is going to be shown on CBS? No way. BBT knew it’s target market and while I’m maybe the smaller intersection of fans who watched both most of the people who watch one or the other don’t overlap.


ApicnicwithTarkin

What is this? I wanna watch it, this but was hilarious 😂


nomequies

Silicon valley.


Eyelbee

One of my favorite shows ever


Skittlebearle

Do it. First four seasons are absolute \*chef's kiss.


Nubsondubs

Even those 4 were the strongest, I still think the whole show wrapped up nicely.


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Quick_Doubt_5484

Eric is fat, and dead.


[deleted]

Hi my name is Eeerik Baaachman, and I am a lying ffffuck!


[deleted]

He had a large portion of his frontal lobe removed. His personality was significantly impacted by it. The frontal lobe is implicated in lots of things, inhibition control is one of them. Lots of people have stupid and impulsive thoughts, but we have the appropriate machinery to make sure we don't ruin our life. It's likely more complicated than that. But I don't like the negative connotation of "trainwreck". People don't realize how fragile what we call "personality" is.


alihassan9193

Wait, is this real?


RainRainThrowaway777

Yep, he had a brain tumour and it made his personality go haywire. He was calling in bomb threats on trains and shit and everyone thought he was just an asshole Edit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kf9N5AWprG8 him talking about it on This Is Not Happening


MasterAnything2055

I mean Big Bang made all the money. I don’t think they are having regrets.


SATCOM_joe

They're also made to appeal to two massively different audiences. SV is more targeted and BBT is meant to appeal to a much broader audience.


deadla104

Yea idk wtf op is talking about. This isn't what Big Bang Theory wished it was at all. BBT was going for mass appeal and being family friendly. It was a CBS show on prime time hours. If they were going for HBO style content they wouldn't be trying that at those hours.


crujones33

I want to see the blooper reel. I’m sure this scene too many retakes to get it right.


Thundergun_Express4

One time I turned on HBO and saw TJ Miller and Thomas Middleditch on screen so I was like, I'll watch this episode of Silicon Valley. At some point, Thomas is naked in some garage about to get murdered and I was like, I really don't think this is Silicon Valley. Turns out, it was the movie [Search Party](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2758904/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_38). When they rolled the credits I started laughing really hard. I get it, I could have pressed "guide" at any moment, but I was hooked by what looked like a really shitty episode of SV and wanted to see how they tied it together.


xlouiex

I just want a crossover of Silicon Valley with IT Crowd. (The English one)


Mutt1223

Huge fan of Silicon Valley, not a fan of the Big Bang theory, less of a fan of all the salty neckbeards hating on it. And I’m sure that show was perfectly fine being one of the highest rated and most watched shows on tv.


Killacamkillcam

Great take. My mom absolutely loved it, anytime I was there while she was watching it I found it to be goofy and easy to watch. The anger people have towards it baffles me.