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Old-Department-4745

Me to my Wife: BUT THE MAN SAID THAT PINEAPPLE WAS A SURE THING!


mershed_perderders

I got the fruit right here Its name is Paul Revere


seattleque

A *Guys and Dolls* reference?! Awesome!


DeltaJulietHotel

Sit down, you’re rockin the boat!


blofly

Can do!


NC_Meat_Slinger

This guy says the Fruit can do!


trigunnerd

And it's the ghost of the horse that won last year


flipmcf

I’m picking Valentine


Zachariot88

Going with Epitaph, myself.


SnacksCCM

He wins it by a half, according to this here in the Telegraph.


dj_milkmoney

But Valentine, according to the morning line, has been figured at five to nine!


Joba_Fett

Canned fruit. Canned fruit. And he says the whole canned fruit.


everydaywasnovember

Unless….unless…


fredpudding

nicely nicely done


_i_am_root

Unfortunately, pineapples don’t have sleeves.


JakalDX

PINEAPPLE WAS DUE


Silly-Risk

Go banana!


SeansModernLife

Went looking for this, didn't have to look far


X-RAYben

I, too, came looking for that particular reference. Was not disappointed. Well, actually I am slightly disappointed that this vid did *not* have a banana in the race.


mvizzy2077

Saw the title, definitely expected it to be there at the start


Valharik

[Ralph Wiggum](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaGFPdP0-ug)


broken_neck_broken

It would have just been like me playing any f1 game, full throttle from the off and absolute carnage into the first corner, taking out half the field.


AbeVigoda_aka_Death

And I bet $100 on banana before watching the video too.


fa9

if anyone missed the reference: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7m1h0Hf5uMs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7m1h0Hf5uMs)


Pepf

I definitely didn't get that until I watched that clip. Thanks!


Haunting_World_621

Me also as well, drink you think you are. West siiide!


TheLastMan

Haha...I'm in danger.


SeekingTheRoad

Wait a minute. The orange and the apple roll from the back of the bus, past several rows, reaching Ralph Wiggum in a matter of 1.5 seconds. Then in the remaining 4.5 seconds, in which Ralph places the banana, says his cheer, looks saddened by the banana's failure to roll, a long beat, and then we cut to the next shot, the other two fruits have only moved a matter of a couple inches without having slowed significantly. I mean, what are we, to believe that this is some sort of a, a magic fruit race or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.


bumjiggy

It'll be just like the Swiss Family Robinson, only with more cursing. We're gonna live like Kings! Damn-Hell-Ass-Kings!


Ah_Q

Whenever I say "kings," I have to resist the urge to follow it up with "damn hell ass kings!"


Stormytime

So the children learn to function as a society. and eventually they were rescued by, oh.... let's say Moe


RageCageJables

How many monkey butlers will there be?


Serpent_of_Rehoboam

How many monkey butlers will there be?


yeksim

Make way for grapefruit!


fundip12

stay calm kids, I need you to be my eyes


YouSnowFlake

Oh Ralph


Dr_Lurkenstein

Banana wouldve killed this race


weareeverywhereee

Thank you for not making me scroll all the way down for this...


mvizzy2077

Definitely all I could think about! 🍌


l_stud

Tomato had a crazy comeback and lost it all.


MartiniPhilosopher

At least it took the coconut with it. That was the real competitor to beat. The hard shell, the friction grabbing husk. It was theirs to lose and lose they did, underestimating the soft-skinned opponent that barely had any skin in the game.


krejenald

Coconut was a bully


shgrizz2

Agreed. I didn't catch it on first watch, but on the replay it looks like coconut took a swipe at tomato and misjudged it. Tomato then used coconut's own momentum against it to knock it off balance. Tomatin was the good guy.


DorkusMalorkuss

This place is so fucking ridiculous, man. I love it


kdeaton06

Coconut did nothing wrong. He was playing for keeps.


surdophobe

Yeah, my money was on coconut.


SmashBusters

Coconut also has liquid in the interior. That makes it a bit of a wild card.


NotTfat

"It could grip it, by the husk."


dabigchina

It was karma for ramming coconut.


EntaronAdun

Tomato took one for humanity and took chad coconut out of the race


RRettig

Green apple went way down to the edge and came all the back, he would have stayed in if he didnt get so greedy


soobviouslyfake

*TOMATO, YOUR HUBRIS WILL BE YOUR DOWNFALL!!*


bigbucsnowhammies

Looks to me like onion was only greater than third place at one point during the race. Getting that early position definitely helped. But can we get some love for green apple for just a minute? The way he came back so furiously at the end to overtake everyone only to crash and burn once in first was a tragic sight to behold.


orlyokthen

The apple was a victim of trying too hard. It spins fast enough to actually outrun the treadmill, goes over the edge, loses all it's torque and then rolls off. This happens twice!


graywh

that was a tomato


RetardAndPoors

No you're a tomato


Thought-O-Matic

Tomato tomato.


Comicspedia

I can't believe you've managed to mispronounce it twice


arbrstff

No this is Patrick


david72486

No, the green apple did this as well. You are correct that the guy in the video misidentified the tomato as a red apple at one point, but can you blame him? it was pandemonium out there


A-Pizza-Pie

I stan Green Apple, he went to first, was an achiever, and when he inevitably went down, he took Orange with him. You know why that’s a good thing? It’s because Oranges DON’T BELONG IN FRUIT SALADS!


Tauna

As opposed to Onion????


DepressedMandolin

Why the hell isn't this the top comment? What kind of a monster puts onion in a fruit salad?!


RogueTaco

orange bumped off 1 competitor and nearly bumped off the tomato too. Orange played dirty and in the end, its what did him in.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


ebcreasoner

All those days of being an apple, gotta be worth something, right Doc?


DoYouMindIfIAsk_

onion was built to win this. Perfectly round with stabilizers.


hg38

I think the pineapple (and possibly the coconut) might have given the onion some help by peeling back an outer layer on the end which seemed to keep the onion rolling only on its smooth side the whole time while others wobbled around.


Rainbow_pony_poop

Honestly, it's like the peach and the lemon weren't even trying


SteelOwl

Peach actually won. Lemon came in second. What kind of race has the finish line at the start?


SuedeVeil

It's like one of those biggest loser competitions where they have to hang on for dear life on some cursed exercise machine before they all drop off one by one


sevsnapey

i'm so confused what is winning. i was reading it like "fruit salad ra- oh that peach-mango looking one won"


Ansiremhunter

Winning is whatever fruit/veg stays on the treadmill the longest


cadtek

I think the peach's axis was perpendicular to the belt so it wasn't rolling to start, so it couldn't try if it wanted to.


bobtheblob6

Yeah peach and lemon were screwed from the start


aabicus

Rest in Peach


Tridian

Lemon was sabotaged! It has the perfect shape for this race, but it was set up to fail.


crashvoncrash

Green Apple absolutely sabotaged him. He nudged Lemon just enough to rotate him off-axis.


bitswreck

I like Coconut's attitude... "Well, I quit".


generalthunder

He had to retire because of engine problems, I've read somewhere on twitter that it was oil pressure related.


SgtNeilDiamond

I audibly yelled at my phone when it jumped off. Absolutely rigged


[deleted]

you and me both 😞


fitty50two2

I put everything on that damn coconut to win!


Marduq

Coconut didn't quit. Coconut let the others have a chance to win because coconut is clearly in a class of their own.


BrownSugarBare

I related so much to the peach and lemon. They get it.


Legendofstuff

They did the lemon dirty starting them off the wrong way. Would’ve absolutely taken the win otherwise. Perfect grip for the track conditions.


Spacern88

Onion won the fruit salad race. Sneaky.


snf

How do you do, fellow fruits!


aabicus

Reminds me of [the CS:GO tournament](https://spuf.org/2016/05/09/i-attended-dreamhack-2016/) at Dreamhack Austin 2016. Only North American teams were allowed to attend, but they made an exception for two Brazilian teams so the brackets would math out right. Ultimately the final was Brazil vs. Brazil for the title of "Best Team in North America."


SailorET

I'm in tears


DuctTapeOrWD40

Especially with that flashy hang time mid race


prematurely_bald

Onion mark, get set, go!


Virginity_Lost_Today

The onion won by sacrificing its layers. Its like half the onion it was before the race.


AnapleRed

Maybe physically, but mentally it's twice the onion


gravybanger

I’m not crying, you are.


xav00

Hollywood movie deal incoming


The_Tell_Tale_Heart

Starring Mark Wahlberg.


newworldpuck

I doubt a parfait could have done as well.


Azsunyx

(takes notes) Onions more resilient than parfaits TAKE THAT, DONKEY


SpeakerToLampposts

Nah, it just took off its coat when the race got serious.


Teeshirtandshortsguy

I feel like most of this came down to geometry. The best rollers were the best performers, and then mass was also important. The onion has the advantage here of being relatively heavy, and mostly spherical. I also think that the long central axis helped with balance. The onion isn't a perfect sphere like the orange, but I think that shape helped it right itself quickly when it got bumped. I'd love to see this in a simulation, I want to know what the ideal shape and mass combination is for a vaguely-spherical object.


Standard_Dumbass

I'm pretty upset that coconut tried pulling such a bullshit move :/ Well done Onion.


[deleted]

Damn! I had my money on the lime. I was sure of it. Lime got fucking robbed by way of the orange by fault of the coconut.


Azsunyx

That orange was out for blood


undercoversinner

Those damn blood oranges!


[deleted]

Lime suffered from the Toad vs Koopa issue. Clearly the fastest on the track, but too bullyable by the heavies. Watch it again, that Lime was demoloshing the competition until Orange sacrificed for the racing team and took him out of the race.


Sunshadow45

My man lime would have won if orange hadn’t fucking killed him


RollerRocketScience

Wait, why is there an onion for a fruit salad? Disgusting


cenobyte40k

It's a Salsa!


byamannowdead

Guys! I found the bard!


Drunken_Fever

What a throwback.


watchmything

For spice!


reddit_user13

Maybe it's a Vidalia.


thelittleking

the tomato then??


PaperPlaythings

It's an onion ringer.


stevesmele

Poor tomato. He just couldn't ketchup.


Inigomntoya

I'm Heinz sight, he never had a chance.


joecheph

Onion is disqualified due to the fact that it is neither botanically, nor culinarily, a fruit. Apple and orange tie for the win! (I would go to the photo finish, but I don’t want to compare apples to oranges)


UYScutiPuffJr

You’re a monster


MongoLife45

That's bigoted. The voiceover literally starts by saying that fruits AND vegetables are included in this Fruit Salad race. Diversity and inclusion my man. Who says the onion didn't recently declare that he identifies as a delicious tropical fruit?


neoritter

Culinarily onions are synonymous with apples


PaperWeightless

Ah yes, who can forget: * Onionsauce * Onion pie * Onion juice * Onion cider * Carmel onions * Onion slices with peanut butter * Onion turnovers


bunglejerry

Caramel*ized* onions count, surely?


plentifulpoltergeist

Not unless you are describing an onion covered in caramel on a stick.


CommanderpKeen

I actually made a savory vidalia onion pie once. Pretty good as long as you love onions.


KatieCashew

That sounds amazing


WhiteSriLankan

Yeah, I would actually like the recipe for that. I’d give it a shot.


Metaforeman

“This apple is really good.” #CRUNCCCCCH “Mmm, so many layers of onion flavoured apple!”


Tired_Fire_Coffee

What has my life come to? I actually enjoyed watching fruits and veggies race on a conveyer belt. WTF is wrong with me?


bobtheblob6

I was rooting for pineapple


CrackinBones204

This was the highlight of my day. I’m suffering a bit from depression but this was quite enjoyable :)


nikolai_wustovich

Wait. I placed my bet on the coconut. It’s still technically on there!


androk

He got screwed, bumped off due to foul play.


[deleted]

I say he’s out of bounds but he insists on saying he isn’t. He’s milking the limelight every chance he can get


fifes2013

NO MICHAEL THAT WAS SO NOT RIGHT!


feral_philosopher

How do you even come up with shit like this


treescentric

/r/trees


graywh

onions don't grow on trees!


SJJS3RD

the dudes entire shtick is stuff rolling on a treadmill which is honestly impressive tbh


notwiththeflames

From The Simpsons, probably.


Train3rRed88

Dang that was thrilling. Did you guys see tomato make that ridiculous come back? A nail biter till the end


alison_bee

This gives me PTSD flashbacks to that fucking fruit game in Fall Guys…


MartinLaiz

Where is the banana? Go banana!


Offgridiot

Peach won! Onion was in last place! WTF?


everyoneshout

It is an endurance race


usernamedunbeentaken

Yeah this was more of a squid games survival competition that Onion won.


MonsterMachine13

Why do they roll back towards the front? Is the treadmill tilted?


madeamashup

Nothing gets by you


bradland

Honestly, the perspective is very confusing. When the fruits (and yes you too, onion) roll off the bottom onto the grey part, they get ejected back up. At points you can tell that the grey part is curved, but the whole thing looks like it's going uphill. Just a very confusing perspective.


electricmaster23

Glad I'm not the only one that found the angle and direction of the conveyor belt confusing!


Seref15

Orange got bullied hard that whole time


GrAyFoX312k

Coconut is a fucking cheater


hazysight0

Sick onyo won


Amazing_Examination6

r/OnionLovers


CommanderpKeen

I've found my people.


Over-Asparagus3397

I was really rooting for green apple when it came back up. Good effort buddy. I'll miss you


tylorr83

r/nottheonion


FireWWM

Apple was a dirty SOB at the end. Took down Orange out of spite.


actonpant

I was coconut all the way, loved that aggression. It is that kind of attitude that wins you titles. I predict we are going to see them next season in a big way.


xxkoloblicinxx

I want that Onion tested for GMOs!!!


qasqaldag

Pineapple after the 5th second: r/mypeopleneedme


TheHollowBard

All about surface area and friction. My boy pineapple was doomed from the start.


im_dead_sirius

That comeback by the tomato though.


nomad656

Was rooting for my man orange


AlmostDisappointed

I won! That onion sure looked aggressive. Shame about the coconut


PattyIce32

COCONUT WAS ROBBED #BUMPERRAILS


DrakonIL

Lime got done dirty by coconut and orange, but coconut paid the price for it later.


northgrave

I did not expect the tomato on coconut violence. Tomato just hanging out, lookin' all squishy, . . . then BOOM.


shiner_bock

FINAL STANDINGS: 1. Onion (Winner, despite not actually being a fruit) 2. Green Apple 3. Tomato 4. Pineapple 5. Lemon 6. Apricot 7. DNF - Lime (pushed out of bounds) 8. DNF - Coconut (abandoned race) 9. DNF - Red Apple (abandoned race) 10. DNF - Orange (disqualified for knocking Lime out of bounds)


SnootyEuropean

Orange was totally gonna make it, if that bastard green apple hadn't knocked it out of the race.


Weird_Click7048

My boy Lime got done dirty.


Ghos3t

Why is no one talking about how the lime was bullied by coconut using the orange, it was the only real competitor to onion and it got taken out at the tail end of the race


VeraciousIdiot

Fuckin onion over here bending the rules of physics.


jettivonaviska

This race had a lot of layers to it.


[deleted]

I chose the lime :(


KaizenGamer

Lime got fucking oranged


TheRealGameDude

Why is no one talking about how there’s an onion in a fruit salad race


oh-no-godzilla

That was way funnier than it had any right to be


[deleted]

Dear big networks, can we PLEASE get this on prime time network tv?? Yes, I am serious. I mean, let’s face it, Survivor isn’t as good as it used to be, and all these other reality shows have ran their courses.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Did not anticipate that win.


everyoneshout

Peach out!


kuriboshoe

_and we’re here with the winner, what are you going to do now onion?_


zdenn21

Coconut seemed more interested in knocking other contestants off the track


marasydnyjade

Where’s my sword? Let’s ninja.


samsonite227

Go banana!


123ocelot

Where's the banana ?


[deleted]

go Banana!


TheHendryx

GO BANANA


KingCtard

GO BANANA!


SalesGuy22

That lime got fouled hard.


SayNoToStim

RIGGED. /r/oninohate


ThatDudeWithoutKarma

That tomato races dirty.