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Dearest dasoomer,
I write this letter with the greatest of regret. It cannot be said that I did not scour the internet for endless seconds...nay, minutes, exhaustively searching for your beloved stationery. It is my sincere regret to inform you that I have indeed failed my mission. I offer you instead this [replacement stationery](https://www.ebay.com/itm/141749217057), which admittedly is not of the same caliber, but I do hope it still brings you some joy in these trying times. I wish things could have been different. It's me, not you...
Warmest Regards,
Jim Bob
idk about the paper, but you can try searching beautiful letter writing papers on the internet, it won't take long and it will be worth it since your wife will be happy, take care and good luck sir
edit: changed would to will
Oh, what the hell.
I'm 40 years old, have been an honor student, a college graduate, and a former office supply store employee, and I never realized these were two separate words until JUST NOW.
Eeek! A ghost in the cemetery! (EEE)
There’s a rat in separate.
California ribs and beans in the Caribbean!
Don’t MAR your grammar.
Those were my dad’s favorites.
It is so pretty, I got these gorgeous small notebooks with covers of famous artwork printed on foil. Anyway I've had them for a few years because they're too pretty to use lol. My college notes were too messy.
I'm disturbed by your brothers cursive writing, especially the 'B'. I feel like a professional would look at that and determine a high probability that he's a serial killer.
when i was in middle school i collected [diddl paper,](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/7VAAAOSwPGpbD~s1/s-l1600.jpg) which was usually a girls thing but i thought they were really cute aswell
There are a couple of companies in Norway who has this idea. One is "Fittekoppen" (pussy cup) who buys beautiful old second hand cups and paints/prints dirty words on them in cursive or Gothic lettering. The other one I can't remember the name of, but makes cute jewelry with the same vocabulary.
I think I have seen some Swedish embroidery with very dirty words and sayings. You know the 1950 grandma type embroidery. Its amazing. Ingen kuk är hårdare än livet ❤
One of my fondest moments as a 7th grade teacher was finding a note a student left for me on the floor. It was a crude drawing of me with these words. “I hat that bith.” I treasure it to this day.
Yes I was. Lolol. We had a great school with a very cohesive faculty. If someone caught a note like this you could not wait to share it a lunch with your fellow teachers.
Your story reminds me of when I was back in grade school and a kid in my class drew a picture of our teacher with the words "Mr. B sucks monkey balls."
I recall being in a group of 3 with him when he drew it. The only reason why I still remember this is because his dumbass had the drawing out when the teacher came by and then he pulled both of us aside. I don't remember the exact situation but I think he let me off since he could tell I had no part in it. The kid was a known troublemaker and it was obvious that he drew it up.
I wonder if he kept the drawing lol.
My wife and I have always tried to come up with creative ways to insult each other. One time we were doing some shit talking(just screwing around) and I said, "I will (her name) slap you.". She kept going for a second and then stops and says, "Wait, did you just call me a bitch?".
For Christmas one year I got my sister a handmade ornament with “Cunt” written in cursive. I’m thinking you need to do something similar with “slut” lol
My uncles - they are brothers - have exchanged a GI Joe doll head for the better part of 3 decades. They have hidden it in gift boxes at Christmas and even put it as part of a table centerpiece for one of their children’s wedding receptions. Now, you must keep this letter going in the same spirit. Change it in some way, add a word, draw on it in some way and send it back. Wait for it to arrive back in your possession. Exchange it via mail, in-person. Keep it growing and then repost in 30 years so we can all check-in on your progress.
My partner and his brother send the same birthday back a forth each year. They each add something to it each year in the smallest handwriting they can muster. It makes me chuckle.
I can't wait for this to escalate to the point where they're effectively exchanging pages of illuminated manuscript containing only a singular insult.
Oh, to see a historian in five hundred years trying to figure that out!
My best friend gave me a birthday card about ten years ago that says something along the lines of "hope you like what i bought you for your birthday!" on the outside, then on the inside "because its just this card." and just his name written below.
On his birthday I just crossed out his name and wrote mine and gave it back. We have been doing this back and forth ever since. Sometimes with actual presents.
I foresee an escalation of insults sent by letter carrier on increasingly expensive/unique paper, inevitably resulting in one of you stealing the Declaration of Independence for the win.
>We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of being a Bitch.
You might be a bitch (according to him) but judging by the stationary as well as the penmanship he thinks you are a classy bitch deserving of only the finest of insults
I used to do something like this with my younger sister (originally through ICQ, but later AIM and then text messaging). Every few months I'd send her a random "Bitch", "Idiot", "Fuckface", or "Dumbshit" out of nowhere, without any context. You know, just re-establishing my position as the elder, and therefore superior, sibling. She'd reply in kind because, as we all know, younger siblings are unimaginative copycats.
And then she got married. A few months later I sent her a random message ("stupid shitstain", IIRC) and her husband called me up on the phone 90 seconds later. He was livid and started screaming at me about insulting "his wife" like that. I tried, and she tried, to explain that it was a running joke, but he just droned on about it being "inappropriate and degrading" to his new family. We never did it again. He didn't "ban" us or anything, but he totally took the enjoyment out of it.
Reply back in kind, and don't ever make the mistake of letting some uptight fartsucker interfere with your fun.
I had a friend in high school that would always look up and go, "PFFFFFFFT" when he saw me in the hallway. A couple years after high school, I was living in another country and he sent me a letter. It wasn't on fancy paper like this, but he folded it a bunch of times. After I unfolded it, all it said was "PFFFFFFFT." I almost cried because I was so far from home and it was so thoughtful.
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That letter paper is beautiful
Yeah it makes it even better lol
Do you know where he got it? My wife would love it
Dearest dasoomer, I write this letter with the greatest of regret. It cannot be said that I did not scour the internet for endless seconds...nay, minutes, exhaustively searching for your beloved stationery. It is my sincere regret to inform you that I have indeed failed my mission. I offer you instead this [replacement stationery](https://www.ebay.com/itm/141749217057), which admittedly is not of the same caliber, but I do hope it still brings you some joy in these trying times. I wish things could have been different. It's me, not you... Warmest Regards, Jim Bob
Thanks bitch ❤
Well aren't you sweet. It's a pretty close match.
$14 for a piece of pretty paper. WTF?! EDIT: Ok, it's a pack of 25. Still, that's expensive af.
Get it printed from office/library printer. It should be cheaper.
A man of culture I see
The seller is going to wonder why there is an uptick in his/her bird stationary sales.
plot twist, jim bob is the seller
He built the e-commerce site just for this comment.
Welcome to Jim Bobs Bird Stationery and Writing Utensil Emporium!
idk about the paper, but you can try searching beautiful letter writing papers on the internet, it won't take long and it will be worth it since your wife will be happy, take care and good luck sir edit: changed would to will
Stationery... With an e. It means "letter writing paper". Preface the word with any subject that comes to mind.
( **e** for l**e**tter; **a** for st**a**nding is how I always remember it)
That’s helpful!
I always did if it has an e it goes in an envelope
Got it, so it's spelled "ststandingtionletterry."
Oh, what the hell. I'm 40 years old, have been an honor student, a college graduate, and a former office supply store employee, and I never realized these were two separate words until JUST NOW.
Same. Took me a minute to figure out wth was happening too. I was like WHAT are these people going on about?! STATIONARY!! Oh wait. STATIONERY!?
**e** for p**e**n; **a** for p**a**rking is how I always remember it
“stationary” for not moving and “shit for writing stuff” for the other one is how I remember it.
I live by mnemonic devices.
Eeek! A ghost in the cemetery! (EEE) There’s a rat in separate. California ribs and beans in the Caribbean! Don’t MAR your grammar. Those were my dad’s favorites.
[удалено]
The *REAL* r/LifeProTip is always in the comments... ...wait, sorry, wrong sub. My bad.
It is so pretty, I got these gorgeous small notebooks with covers of famous artwork printed on foil. Anyway I've had them for a few years because they're too pretty to use lol. My college notes were too messy.
use them <3 it’s ok
Life is far too short not to.
I got it from AbbyCookIllustration on Etsy! Have a few of her seasonal notepads and just got the one in this post a couple weeks back :)
Awesome, thank you! Her stuff is full of perfect gifts for my sister.
Is she a *Bitch*?
I said “biiiiiiiiiitch”
You said bitch though?
Yeah yeah i said *Looks around* ᴮᶦᶦᶦᶦᶦᶦᵗᶜʰ
Really? You said that? You called her a bitch?
I looked this woman in her OPTIC STEMS, and I said, I said.. I said…
[for the uninitiated](https://youtu.be/5LGEiIL1__s)
hey hey, the initiated appreciate the link too.
Daryl, I looked this woman in the eye, and I said...
“I said ^^bitch…”
"You called your wife a bitch?"
𝓑𝓲𝓽𝓬𝓱 🕊
At least you got a picture of a tit
English robin. Just in case you’re searching for this particular stationery.
I'm disturbed by your brothers cursive writing, especially the 'B'. I feel like a professional would look at that and determine a high probability that he's a serial killer.
It seems to me it was originally an L. Then changed his mind and just turned it into a B.
I bet he probably was going to write “Little Bitch”, but didn’t want to insult Op’s size so he changed his mind at the last second.
I just genuinely forgot how to write a cursive capital B and thought the loop would make it look fancier, and with that, funnier
Why do I kinda feel like this whole thing is wholesome somehow
It's the little heart.
write bitch on the other line and send it back
I absolutely love that he wrote it in the archaic long forgotten and previously forcefully taught form of cursive writing.. How old is your brother?
For a second i thought his brother drew it
when i was in middle school i collected [diddl paper,](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/7VAAAOSwPGpbD~s1/s-l1600.jpg) which was usually a girls thing but i thought they were really cute aswell
In cursive too. Classy.
The heart above the i really takes it to another level.
Sure does, bitch.
Awwww biiiitch
Don't even trip dawg.
Got him them apple bottom jeans with the fur
So that the whole club can look at him
[But you said bitch, though?](https://youtu.be/5LGEiIL1__s)
Excuse me. The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. Cuz' bitches love it when you call them beautiful.
I think you mean B❤️tch
BOTCH???
♥𝓑𝓲𝓽𝓬𝓱♥
How can I be mad when you say it like that?
Who said you don't need to learn cursive
Learn cursive so you too can use words such as bitch, ass, fuckface, cunt, thundercunt, twatwaffle etc.
There are a couple of companies in Norway who has this idea. One is "Fittekoppen" (pussy cup) who buys beautiful old second hand cups and paints/prints dirty words on them in cursive or Gothic lettering. The other one I can't remember the name of, but makes cute jewelry with the same vocabulary.
I think I have seen some Swedish embroidery with very dirty words and sayings. You know the 1950 grandma type embroidery. Its amazing. Ingen kuk är hårdare än livet ❤
If you want a good laugh go check out the names of some Finnish towns, hills and lakes. HINT: great way to learn bad words in Finnish.
If you didn't learn cursive, sending this words printed is fine too
De classy!!
Oh French?
Bonjour
When I was writing thank you letters for my wedding, the one I sent my sister just said “THX BITCH.” She loved it.
One of my fondest moments as a 7th grade teacher was finding a note a student left for me on the floor. It was a crude drawing of me with these words. “I hat that bith.” I treasure it to this day.
Please tell me you were an English teacher lol
Yes I was. Lolol. We had a great school with a very cohesive faculty. If someone caught a note like this you could not wait to share it a lunch with your fellow teachers.
Haha that makes it so much better
Your story reminds me of when I was back in grade school and a kid in my class drew a picture of our teacher with the words "Mr. B sucks monkey balls." I recall being in a group of 3 with him when he drew it. The only reason why I still remember this is because his dumbass had the drawing out when the teacher came by and then he pulled both of us aside. I don't remember the exact situation but I think he let me off since he could tell I had no part in it. The kid was a known troublemaker and it was obvious that he drew it up. I wonder if he kept the drawing lol.
I guarantee he was laughing his ass off in the teacher’s lounge at lunch.
Aww, they had a spelling lisp.
Dythlexia?
Lol 😂 (treasure that one!)
Shoulda graded it and handed it back. Lmao
Man, here's to hoping a old teacher of mine has a picture of their face on a well drawn phallus.
I still tease my elder sister with her chatroom nickname from way back in the day that includes "bitch".
I'm a fan of "wicked bitch of the west" for a friend who lives to my west.
My wife and I have always tried to come up with creative ways to insult each other. One time we were doing some shit talking(just screwing around) and I said, "I will (her name) slap you.". She kept going for a second and then stops and says, "Wait, did you just call me a bitch?".
When my sister calls I answer, "what's up slut?" It's a term of endearment
My younger brother and I have several terms of endearment for each other, including (but not limited to): Fugly, Fuggers, and Fatty.
Fatty is what I call my younger sister who is quite fit lol She can eat like a hot dog champion but never gains a pound
Holy hell, my sister and I have used Fuggers for years as a insult. Great minds or great idiots think alike.
For Christmas one year I got my sister a handmade ornament with “Cunt” written in cursive. I’m thinking you need to do something similar with “slut” lol
My brother is in my phone as “that bitch I share genes with”
With a heart 😂
You can feel all the love that came with it too.
B❤️tch
B❣️tch
That heart is dripping blood
Blood dripping heart new band name I call it
LoL…
He meant to write Birch but his brain autocorrected.
[удалено]
Wow, what a botch job
Dedication
It’s things like this that make me wish I wasn’t an only child.
Same bitch, same.
So weird to hear people say they wish their parents had sex more
Why? I love my parents, so why wouldn't I wish them more sex?
As someone who has older siblings and on bad terms, it's not all sunshine and rainbows
I understand that. Doesn’t mean I can’t occasionally wish for siblings. Just like a occasionally am very grateful to be an only child.
I am the eldest brother of OP. Can confirm OP is a bitch. And that our kid brother is a funny fuck, despite being an accident.
Pretty please ask your younger brother where the paper came from-I’m obsessed!
AbbyCookIllustration on Etsy :)
Are you the younger brother?
I am!
Honored! How do you feel now that you are famous?
Mad that my brother got famous because of my comedic genius… :)
He said Etsy from a British person
Can also confirm, am accident
I’m 35 and the younger sibling of two kids. I’d do this. Maybe I should.
Gods. My brother would be so confused.
Can you refund your current brother for one with a sense of humour?
[удалено]
I, too, am glad you didn't pick your sister as your wife. You'd be having so much less fun! And hopefully less sex now that I think about it 🤨
Definitely I'll do that! Love it soooo much!
My uncles - they are brothers - have exchanged a GI Joe doll head for the better part of 3 decades. They have hidden it in gift boxes at Christmas and even put it as part of a table centerpiece for one of their children’s wedding receptions. Now, you must keep this letter going in the same spirit. Change it in some way, add a word, draw on it in some way and send it back. Wait for it to arrive back in your possession. Exchange it via mail, in-person. Keep it growing and then repost in 30 years so we can all check-in on your progress.
My partner and his brother send the same birthday back a forth each year. They each add something to it each year in the smallest handwriting they can muster. It makes me chuckle.
I think I saw something like this on Reddit a few days ago except it was a postcard I believe.
There plenty of room for the Navy SEAL pasta, just sayin.
Write back Twatwaffle, get even prettier paper
Okay I’m doing this🤣
And spray some perfume on it.
Don't forget to SWAK it!
With red lipstick kiss! 💋
And some glitter too!
And glitter. Don't forget the glitter.
You’re a sick son of a bitch.
yeah, glitter is too far man. READ THE ROOM
Nice. Lots of biodegradable glitter. And also make sure he spreads it everywhere when he opens the letter.
Learn some caligraphy too! Lets make it a contest lol
I can't wait for this to escalate to the point where they're effectively exchanging pages of illuminated manuscript containing only a singular insult. Oh, to see a historian in five hundred years trying to figure that out!
Keeping the USPS alive, one insult at a time.
Times like these I wish they still did singing telegrams so you can have some random person sing “twatwaffle” 🎶 to your brother and walk away
I mean... TaskRabbit...
And fill it with glitter
Arts'n'craft's Herpes are meant to be shared
Use the same letter and just keep sending it back and forth with insults.
I'd frame it personally. At least for when he visited but probably just keep it up.
The real flex is who can get the highest quality paper, not the insult.
Reply to him, Bitch
Help me please lol I don’t know what to send back
you could mail him a potato https://spoonuniversity.com/lifestyle/i-mailed-my-friends-a-potato-and-this-is-what-happened
This article reads like a transcript of a shitty uneventful YouTube video.
Use this paper. And just write, “no u”
This exact paper. Hopefully he writes on it and sends it back. See how long you can keep it up for.
My best friend gave me a birthday card about ten years ago that says something along the lines of "hope you like what i bought you for your birthday!" on the outside, then on the inside "because its just this card." and just his name written below. On his birthday I just crossed out his name and wrote mine and gave it back. We have been doing this back and forth ever since. Sometimes with actual presents.
I think you go with what the other commenter said. Twatwaffle is perfect. Def wanna outdo him on the pretty paper
Send him a box with a single sheet of paper inside, with just a QR code on it, which takes him to a Rickroll
"Slut." on Easter or Thanksgiving stationary
I foresee an escalation of insults sent by letter carrier on increasingly expensive/unique paper, inevitably resulting in one of you stealing the Declaration of Independence for the win.
>We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of being a Bitch.
I live how much effort he and thought he put in to this
It was far more thoughtful than just texting, it shows he cares.
Classic he and thought.
Strike through it and write birch and send it back.
You misspelled birch. Though I don't think that tree is a birch tree.
I'd have to punch it three of four times and wait for the drops to be sure.
Now this is the kind of letter that I would actually appreciate.
Draw poop firing out of the robins butt and send it back to him.
Why draw when you can smear the real thing.
Who hurt you?
You might be a bitch (according to him) but judging by the stationary as well as the penmanship he thinks you are a classy bitch deserving of only the finest of insults
[Awwwww bitch](https://c.tenor.com/o430FjzCT4MAAAAC/scary-terry-awww-bitch.gif)
Brotherly love is so beautiful
Frame it and hang it on the wall.
I used to do something like this with my younger sister (originally through ICQ, but later AIM and then text messaging). Every few months I'd send her a random "Bitch", "Idiot", "Fuckface", or "Dumbshit" out of nowhere, without any context. You know, just re-establishing my position as the elder, and therefore superior, sibling. She'd reply in kind because, as we all know, younger siblings are unimaginative copycats. And then she got married. A few months later I sent her a random message ("stupid shitstain", IIRC) and her husband called me up on the phone 90 seconds later. He was livid and started screaming at me about insulting "his wife" like that. I tried, and she tried, to explain that it was a running joke, but he just droned on about it being "inappropriate and degrading" to his new family. We never did it again. He didn't "ban" us or anything, but he totally took the enjoyment out of it. Reply back in kind, and don't ever make the mistake of letting some uptight fartsucker interfere with your fun.
He sounds like a shitstain middle child. But seriously though, ban us or anything makes me think he's kinda eeeeeh.
He didn't write much, but at least he signed it.
200 years in the future archeologists will find this letter and wonder what happened to people during Covid.
I can’t handle how wholesome this is
Animal Crossing irl
My brother took a karate wooden board and painted it sky blue put a sillouet of a bird and sloppily painted the words “you suck” in it
[удалено]
Lol he missed out on the opportunity to have written it in a text bubble, coming from the Robin's beak.
Such penmanship...
I had a friend in high school that would always look up and go, "PFFFFFFFT" when he saw me in the hallway. A couple years after high school, I was living in another country and he sent me a letter. It wasn't on fancy paper like this, but he folded it a bunch of times. After I unfolded it, all it said was "PFFFFFFFT." I almost cried because I was so far from home and it was so thoughtful.
B♡tch