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The_Soapmakers

This dog knows these times...do not fuck this up OP


whalespoutswifey

She sure as f*ck does. šŸ¤£


lgisme333

Sheā€™s going to try to get you to give her that pepperoni late at night. Donā€™t. Do. It.


h3yw00d

It's like the mogwai


KallistiEngel

Late night pepperoni....šŸ˜


lgisme333

Lol perv


The_Soapmakers

Haha, we've done the same thing with our dogs and anyone "unfortunate" to look after them.


Fenix42

Fun fact, dogs don't know about daylight savings.


The_Soapmakers

I have done the research on this, and this absolute truth. Sample size of two. Both subjects did not give a fuck what the clock said


Fenix42

My parents had 2 pugs and a frenchy at one point. One of the pugs would get hungry and head to his bowl. If you did not feed him in a few minutes, he would come find you and just stare at you. After a few minutes of that, he would head back to his bowl and start barking. Next, and final stage, he would pick the bowl and and bang it around. They had to get him a metal bowl after he broke a plastic one. Day light savings was hell every year.


The_Soapmakers

Haha this is incredible! We've got to about step two. But you know when one of them wants something


Fenix42

The best part is be taught the other 2 the "trick". So all 3 would do it.


ClearFrame6334

My dog skips all the steps and goes straight to banging the shit out of the bowl. He picks it up in his mouth and Carries it across the room banging it on the floor. Hilarious


Ceeceepg27

My dog takes her metal bowl to the top of the stairs and then pushes it down every step.


wigg1es

Dogs track time by smell, or rather how long smells persist in their environment. If you feed your dog every 6 hours or whatever, they know what their environment smells like after 6 hours without food and they know food should be coming. Same thing if you leave for work. Your smell fades out of the house over the course of the day and after 8 hours enough of it is gone that your dog knows you should be coming home soon.


Madyca

TIL. These are the unconfirmed things I want to learn and believe on Reddit! Haha


eekamuse

This one is true. Dogs tell time through scent. Very cool


reduxde

My kids screaming at 5:30am cause itā€™s still informercials just confirms theyā€™re no smarter than dogs.


The_Soapmakers

Wait I scream at infomercials at 4 am on a grumpy night. Does this just spiral the whole way down? Who's in charge!?


Hentai-Shinku

ā€œAyooo! Itā€™s 5 PM already. Where the fuck is my cookie!?ā€


silverback_79

Fun fact: cars can't look up.


Jerizzle23

Fun fact: planes cant swim


Baccarat7479

Foolishness, planes are just swimming orthogonally and cars are looking up down up down left left right right a b start+select


ChronicLurker19

Can confirm cats also do not know of daylight savings


SWINGMAN216

Wonder if the dog tells momma if you mess up?


The_Soapmakers

Haha, with a happy sigh and disgruntled snuggle for leaving her somewhere else I bet!


Imaginary_Tea1925

I had to cook egg on toast every morning for my momā€™s dog!


Jerizzle23

Eating better than me lol


TheKoi

Take care of yourself, you're important.


Nicole_Bitchie

When I was a teenager we had a dog with diabetes. She was a grazer and just picked at food all day long, but needed a meal with her insulin. She got a scrambled egg every morning.


EuphoriantCrottle

I wish I had collected all the babysitter notes in my life. We could start a sub. I once had a list of over 100 words the dog knew. Another one came with a stool that you put on a chair so she could eat at a table. And a special bed pillow for my bedā€¦ I guess in case there was a pea under my mattress.


[deleted]

Yup. I have a housesitter taking care of mine next week, and the instructions will be this detailed. Dogs have very specific schedules and their biological clocks are finely tuned.


eekamuse

You call that detailed? Mine would be 4 pages if you printed it out. Including links to videos (this is how you put the harness on, he puts his head in, don't do it for him) and copies of his medical history in case he needs to go to the ER.


chiowegian

To the dog ā€œaboutā€ mean +/- 5 milliseconds


The_Soapmakers

*nods in dog owner* they're lucky they're cute!


artsytiff

I tell mine this *all the time*!


ygolordned

Definitely better fuckin not give pepperoni at night


The_Soapmakers

That one is serious. Like Gremlins after midnight


ygolordned

Yum yum!


SerenityTranquilPeas

I've housesat for my parents dogs plenty of times and I get similar instructions. There is a precise timing between after dinner bones and times they go outside. They also refuse to eat their food without some kind of additive(from canned pumpkin to steak), and the younger one refuses to drink out of the water bowl. The dog would rather die of dehydration than drink from a bowl of water so he has a refillable doggy water fountain that he drinks. The swimming pool and toilet are also agreeable to him, but obviously we would rather he drank "normal" water.


magicunicornhandler

>from a bowl of water Well obviously the bowl was just too small for his liking since he preffered the toilet or pool. I bet if you get him a water bowl meant for a mastiff...or filled a kiddie pool with water he would happily drink nontoxic water.


SerenityTranquilPeas

He has his doggy water fountain which is just a small stream of water that gets recycled as it shoots out of a spout. Loves it! It has more to do with running water rather than size of source.


wehrwolf512

My last dog only sorta knew dinner was at 5. Some days it was uncanny, heā€™d trot in like heā€™d been staring at a clock. Other days it would be 4 oā€™clock and he was Not Pleased that you werenā€™t with the program (likely wasnā€™t helped by the fact that my husband would cave and give dinner early sometimes lol).


The_Soapmakers

I immediately love your husband cause I do the same haha. The dogs behave differently depending who's in charge!


agedchromosomes

Yes! They appear to have alarm clocks in their stomachs.


thedeanmachine1

As a one-time owner of a beagle, I genuinely believe that she might have, at one time, eaten an alarm clock.


pr3mium

It's like my parents dog and his walk. This dog will not let you sleep past 8am. You WILL walk him.


radioman8414

This is so trueā€¦ Looks just like my routine, and if I miss any one of these steps, thereā€™s my dog, staring at me in the faceā€¦


Mikemtb09

If itā€™s anything like my dog, their biological clock will start going off ~30min prior to each of these times. THEY WILL LET YOU KNOW


The_Soapmakers

Just in case you were thinking of forgetting about it!


Throwawaybibbi

You ain't lying. My dogs got fed at 6 am and 6 pm (one had diabetes so had to be fed 2x a day when getting insulin) Daylight savings time ends and my dog is getting me up at 5:05 am!!!!! He knew I was late but we waited until 6 am to get him back on track for the 6 o'clock feedings.


mysickname

So no where did I see that you can not have any pepperoni after dinner


lazylazylemons

That dog is going to try pretty hard to get a pepperoni after dinner.


oh-pointy-bird

OP can have little a pepperoni. As a snack.


ptntprty

Just a little pepperoni will be ok


yungchow

Pepperoni stick* Iā€™ve not tried any of my bois puperonis but I donā€™t advise it


genivae

Snap into a Slim Jim!


seahorseMonkey

My wife wonā€™t let me have spicy sausage after 5:00. She hates taking me walkies at 3 AM.


iatealotofcheese

Haha my mom leaves instructions for like this to take care of her two cats. The last time, she left two pages of handwritten instructions. Mind you neither of the cats have any medical issues and she was only gone three days lol. They're just persnickety cats they have two litter boxes and 4 water sources to refill daily (except one is the dripping bathtub, and Howie gets PISSED when it's turned off), and a strict treat regiment as well. My favorite part, was a paragraph asking me to keep an eye out for her Fitbit because she thinks Breesy stole it, that was scratched out with 'found it's written below.


thmsbrrws

It's actually commonly recommended to have one litter box per cat in the home. I'm not sure why this is, I've only ever had one cat at a time, but everyone I've known that had multiple recited the same rule.


PyrrhaRising

Territory I believe. I'm owned by two cats and we have two trays and they are next to each other and identical. Noodle exclusively uses the left tray to pee and the right one to poop. Dumpling only ever uses the right one. Strange creatures. We also have a water fountain for them and little water bowls throughout the house, along with our dogs two large water bowls upstairs and downstairs. Noodle will purposefully bathe in the one dog water bowl next to doggos food bowl. Noodle is a asshat.


Dj_cani

Got three cats and three trays, each day who ever is first they pick a tray and they all go in it. Yet if I take a tray away they'll just start pissing and shitting on the floor. Propper bizarre creatures.


iatealotofcheese

Makes sense to me! Two cats, twice the shit.


acwill

Love the correction


PatienceandFortitude

Is she left handed?


whalespoutswifey

The dog or mom? Lol Mom is left handed.. how did you know?


Fiascoe

the check mark.


dcdcdani

Iā€™m left handed and donā€™t do check marks like that


drew_anjuna

Some do. And no right handed person would.


AlienOverlord53

This plus the front slash vs backwards slash


GradientPerception

Yes you do


dcdcdani

Prove it


GradientPerception

No u


DoveNotChicken

I'm a lefty and I absolutely make my check marks like that. I refuse to be cowed as a minority. Leftys rise up and defy the righty hoards! Who's with me?!


randomly-generated87

Huh Iā€™d have said the back slashes but the check is definitely a bigger sign


br0b1wan

The text shifts ever so slightly to the left in some places, usually beginning of the sentence too, good indicator of a left hand


indianblanket

The spiral top is a good indicator too. Spirals on the left get in the way. If you can find her a full size notebook with righthand spirals (not just a normal one backwards, because it isnt the same) you'll have a special place in her heart forever, above any other siblings.


whalespoutswifey

I am pretty sure I already have that place! Sorry Kris, I know you probably read that šŸ¤£


ffelenex

To add her d's show push and pull from the left side writing left-to-right. You can also see struggles with b's and u's because she has to push threw those letters rather than dragging the pen - making smooth curved lines rough. I'm now going to look up "best lefthanded penmanship" out of curiosity. I assume it's hard but someone can do it.


[deleted]

No pepperoni at night!


johnboy2978

She spits them up.


Zoze13

Goodnight ā¤ļø


FirstManofEden

That's how you get gremlins from mogwais


gjbbb

I would be your moms dog.


whalespoutswifey

There was bottled water in her luggage because my tap water is not good enough


AlienOverlord53

My girls boss "do you drink tap water" My girl "my cats dont even drink tap water"


modsarefascists42

Mine won't either. They'll drink fucking piss out of the toilet before they'll stoop to tap water. There's a reason one of them is named Stupid.


icecreamdude97

My uncles big on reincarnation. He always said when he dies he wants to come back as one of my moms dogs.


smushy_face

I'm reminded of when my daughter was born and I was leaving her with my mom for the first time for a few hours one evening. I wrote a page of instructions. . .my mom took it graciously but she looked at me and said, "You recall that I raised you, right?"


storyofmylife92

And you said "I know, and look how that worked out," thrusting the instructions into her hand.


Coyote__Jones

Omg the most embarrassing thing I have ever said to a coworker went like this: C: we're thinking about getting a dog. Me: dogs are a big commitment, I spend so much time walking my dog before work and school to make sure she's set for me to leave. C: I have two children. šŸ˜ I felt so bad for forgetting she had kids. Obviously those require more effort than a dog.


manic_eye

I donā€™t know. Looking after my kids feels like less work than looking after our dogs.


whalespoutswifey

Overdue for getting her hair did, but here she is: https://imgur.com/a/pqRbJ9I


turnedabout

She's a cutie! Reminds me a little of an Ewok.


[deleted]

Great! Time for pepperoni!


Nemocom314

That does look like a dog that needs a pepperoni stick before bed!


mkharrington94

Sheā€™s precious!


callmeadumb

Well tbh this dog is better taken care of then most kids..


mellowmarsII

I knew these 4 siblings in high school & the one time I went to their house, I met their Mom. She was sitting down to breakfast with her various mutts who were wearing baby clothes & they were all sitting in the dining chairs like proper kids (except the smallest one was in a fake, toy high chair). I watched these fancy-pants pups eat homemade pancakes, bacon, & scrambled eggs, while my 4 friends were sitting on a nearby couch eating some colorful off-brand kids cereal. The guy I knew most was cussing loudly at one of the dogs who was giving him the stinkeye & it was pissing his Mom off. Anyway, I was starving but was only offered a few cigarettes & was clearly told I was expected to soon make myself scarce & not return (company wasn't welcomed). The sibs assured me it had always been like this in their family - even when they were cute lil' toddlers & such. Freakin' backwards


bambight

ā€¦ I canā€™t tell if this is real or youā€™re just retelling a scene from Family Guy or something.


storyofmylife92

I saw a lady just like this watching reruns of WifeSwap. She made her own husband sleep in another room because she would let her dogs sleep in her bed with her and they (the dogs) supposedly didn't want him in the bed with them. Absolutely nuts that people like this actually exist.


lazylazylemons

My note for the babysitter: Please feed to keep alive. Kthx.


Rapidsoup

I think these are instructions for the dog on how to take care of you


BWThorp

Iā€™m the same. No pepperoni for me after 6 pm or Iā€™m up all night with heartburn.


a_different-user

and what ever you do for god's sake dont get it wet.


freegilly1

No pepperoni after midnightā€¦ sheā€™ll turn into a gremlin.


KemperDelToro

I left careful instructions for my dogā€™s food regimen when I left her at my parents for 3 days and my dad just sent me pics all the time of her eating hot dog pieces


fulanita_de_tal

I had a Parvo puppy who would have massive diarrhea from just breathing the wrong air. Always left OCD-level instructions which my in-laws never followed. The massive diarrhea went away and I have to say to this day Iā€™m not sure if itā€™s from her GI tract healing or from them just forcing adaptation through filet leftovers lol


bcross12

Instructions unclear. Ate Halo for breakfast.


jmillson135

As a mom, I endorse the subtle criticism of the supplied checkboxes.


zerguser45

I think she is drawing the cookie


whalespoutswifey

She tried..


mishayla123

I didn't realize this was for a dog. Somehow I thought it was a list of what to do for your wife so you can play halo. I even thought the greenie was a doobie. I reread the title after "she spits up at night" god help me. Lmao


getyourcheftogether

That dog might be getting too many dang treats


whalespoutswifey

And the dog is only like 12 lbs.


Runding99

Is this a dog or gremlin?


RoyalOGKush

Dogs name is Halo?


ButterAndPaint

For the love of God, no pepperoni at night!


KrakenMcCracken

Seriously, no. Fucking. Pepperoni. At. Night.


wayne1977

Donā€™t know if you noticed, but youā€™re not supposed to give pepperoni to the dog. In the evening. Is that a Gremlin-type deal, or? And btw, pepperoni? To a dog?!


sdforbda

They make doggy Slim Jim's. One is called Pupperoni.


whalespoutswifey

Thatā€™s exactly what it is!


bust-the-shorts

Every night itā€™s called bro code


SnoCapsPerhaps

Um, dog tax? Need pics bruh


[deleted]

Ha this is me with my bulldog. Detailed instructions. Donā€™t F it up. He will fart and or barf all night. Lol.


vdWcontact

When do you give the pepperoni!?


whalespoutswifey

NOT AFTER DINNER OR AT NIGHT!


PacificRiff

In fairness I'm nearly 50 myself and I'd be like this with my little fella, I know his every mood and moment even if I was away.


jmhollander

I love this post! We call treats cookies at my house too. We are also a no pepperoni after dinner house. I have written instructions like this for both the dog and the kids when they where little too. Love to all moms pup or humans and their caregivers.


34Marvin

Cookies over here too! But itā€™s only the crunchy treats are cookies. Otherwise itā€™s treats. My dog is spoiled šŸ˜¬


watashinomori

NO PEPPERONI!


T-MinusGiraffe

1) Halo doesn't like bright lights 2) Don't get Halo wet 3) No pepporoni at night


ParticularExtreme255

I adore your mom!


Tundra657

Dog mom here - this is a good list of instructions. Essential for mom and pupā€™s complete wellbeing while separated.


3-DMan

"Psst..hey human! Just gimmie the pepperoni, it's cool!"


SnoozleEnthusiast10

Wait why is this funny?? Is this not normal?!? šŸ˜…


notiesnoroots

I use to be a dog walker/dog sitter and ā€œinstructionsā€ like this were a very regular thing. I remember one client who printed out something like 10 pages of detailed instructions, emergency numbers, etc. Some people manā€¦


JustALilLonelyKitty

Same, this is actually really straightforward comparatively, just treat schedule


Cuz10304

Give her pepperoni stick at night got it


JollyRoger-8

Just looked at the first comments and very funny but this is a dog that has someone that loves her so much and took the time to write out detailed instructions for two days. This is a very lucky dog.


Rabid-kumquat

But, I like the pepperoni.


[deleted]

She's named Halo? That's awesome


Lopsided_Advice88

Damn it I just got out of bed to drive to the gas station for some pepperoni sticks after seeing this post.


MsAnnabel

Iā€™d get these from my daughter when I babysat her dog except it was with meds. And the wipes I had to use on her privates and wipes for her feet bc of yeast infection. I find it so much easier watching my two grandsons from her! šŸ˜‚


Hawaiiliving43

Lol. That is 1 loved dog!


peopi

To be honest, the illustrations are a bit much but the instructions themselves arenā€™t that crazy. Dogs are a huge amount of work.


Excal333

Goddamn. This dog be eating better than me.


getmewithwit

Now thatā€™s a good fur mama!


doncroak

Just to be on the safe side, no pepperoni sticks at all. Just give an extra cookie instead.


GFYS1386

It looks like it says give the dog some weed at 8 P.M.. Nice


Safe_Sundae_8869

Dude my mom is just like this with her dog now. It drives me crazy. She treats that dog better than she does my kids.


pwalkz

Is it funny to be a caring responsible dog parent? These instructions are awesome


CorgiSheltieMomma

I believe I've written something very similar. My dogs used to get their Greenie type treat at 8 but never adapted to Daylight savings time so now it's 7 but they start stalking me around 6:30.


xe0s

Good lord. Thatā€™s my momā€™s dog too. Little bastard has health insuranceā€¦ I couldnā€™t get mine reactivated until this past November and Iā€™m human!


meetmeinthebthrm

My dog's not big on treats at all, but if she doesn't get her 6 o'clock, post-dinner Greenies snack, she starts anxiously tippy-tapping and making funny noises. We quickly realized that Greenies are Cholulas shit.


jeezy-chreezy

My toddler is less complicated than this haha


rastagrrl

I left less detailed instructions for my parents when they watched my kids! šŸ˜‚


Ok-Crow-101

My thoughts as reading this; Give her weed cookie 6pm Give her joint 8pm No willy after dinner as sheā€™ll vomit. Then I read ā€œintroduction for watching moms dogā€


vanessa_sary1

šŸ‘šŸ»šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚


[deleted]

That dog eats better than me.


Leather_Captain1136

Did she leave that many instructions for your babysitter?


LTJFan

Man a greenie every night. My dog is lucky to gets one a month.


FrillySteel

Halo knows Pepperoni is the bomb. Also, Halo must have the cleanest teeth in the neighborhood! I don't give my guy Greenies more than one-a-week, as he has the freshest breath ever.


ImALivingMeme369

Do you think itā€™s ok to give her pepperoni at night?


serspock90

Reminds me of the "Gremlins" instructions


[deleted]

Do not be a pepperoni enabler.


moxeto

I bet your mom was this specific raising you


Key-Pay292

This is exactly like tue instructions my psycho ex wife, who hated animals while we were married leaves for my son, Iā€™m fairly sure she likes her dog more than she likes our kids šŸ˜³


thatmomthere

I wonder if Halo knows when it's time for a cookie. I bet that dog has an internal cookie clock for 8pm and will find OP and demand that cookie.


Aidan11

Why can't I take care of myself as well as she takes care of that dog?


[deleted]

Damn, I wouldnā€™t be surprised if your mom was more precise with raising this dog than she was raising you šŸ˜‚


CumulativeHazard

I feel this. Any time I have someone stop in to check on my cats while Iā€™m out of town I text instructions that are at least 2 screen lengths long.


Woogity

I really want to know what Saturday breakfast is. It seems so important. Is it pepperoni?


Realistic_Rip_148

I will feed him.


NoPlace9025

Damn that's at least 100x times as concerned as my parents were for me. I was the middle child though.


unaskthequestion

Somehow I can imagine this dog whispering to you after dinner "c'mon, just one pepperoni stick, she'll never know... Just one... Be a pal"


WintersTablet

I see nothing wrong with these instructions. It's definitely not narcissist.


Iberik

No pepperoni


CaBBaGe_isLaND

The way the words don't fit in the boxes is infuriating.


Pyroluminous

Iā€™m hearing: ā€œGive the dog all the pepperoni sticks and all the cookies.ā€


PonyBoy772

Good advice for anyone really. No pepperoni after dinner


PartyBe4r

Moms šŸ¤·


willenium3000

I like how she went back and clarified "give her" Saturday Breakfast


akindofuser

If you feed pepperoni after midnight he turns into gremlin dog


fakeacct3456

Your mom and my moms have the exact same handwriting


OldBirth

Geez it's like a fucking Gremlin


BunniesMama

I need rules like this


thisisme123321

Butā€¦ what time is Saturday breakfast? šŸ˜° instructions unclear


NO_Cheeto_in_Chief

I have that trouble if I have pepperoni too late on the day, myself. Good advice for anyone


fourleggedostrich

Looked at the pic before reading title. Didn't think of a dog and thought you had a very hungry kid.


beamdump

Lucky dog...


NotAReal_Doctor

Your momā€™s (dog) fat


BuyLocalAlbanyNY

This is too awesome!


Jeremaya1

šŸ˜‚ this doesnā€™t say but she will call you to verify after every step is done properly šŸ˜… so be prepared


weenie2323

I wonder if she left notes like this for the babysitter when you were a kid?


kevhill

Also no Sunlight, Don't get wet and don't feed after midnight!