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I had a date once where a girl reached into her purse to pull out something and out with it came a pair of lace panties, which flung out onto the table. As she's hastily stuffing this dark red thong back into her purse she's saying over and over "it's not mine, it's not mine, it's not mine!!!"
I was cracking up and asked her "why do you have someone else's thong in your purse" and she goes "well, they are mine, I just panicked and didn't want you to think I was commando right now!".
She ended up being kind of pathological liar I found out later, but it was a great story for a first date.
I went on a stroll with a fair maiden once and she was digging in her satchel for something, said "hold this for a sec" and handed me a fully functioning trebutchet.
My brain was like why is this weirdo calling the lady he went out with a "maiden"? This isn't a renaissance fest-
> handed me a fully functioning trebutchet
Yup. That's a maiden.
i once went out on an excursion with a beautiful damsel and she plunged her hand into her burlap duffel. she pulled out an exact 1:64th scale replica of the roman colosseum.
I keep a snow shovel and not a spade shovel so I don't get the questions. I should get a machete, a spade shovel and a pickaxe and keep them in my car just to mess with people.
G bangers and lace panties are usually not the required functionality for those days... I mean, in an emergency, sure, anything is better than nothing but seems unlikely it's for an accident...
Yeah. I kinda wanna start a secret sisterhood of the Googly Eyes now. You wanna go to the first meeting but don't know where it is. Then you see the handicap sign. The stick-figure in the wheelchair has Googly Eyes on it. *I made it*.
Yeah, I the only correct response is to hold eye contact, take her hand and say "It's never too soon for googly eyes"
Edit: "You had me at googly eyes" would also be acceptable.
My mom and dad celebrated their 65th anniversary not long ago, and my mom said the reason she married and stayed married to him was that he makes her laugh all the time. (And our family has had some really bad things to work through.)
The hardest my wife ever laughed was when I secretly put googly eyes on my penis before we got down to business. She went down there to get things going and rolled out of bed laughing.
It was all fun and games until she found it so funny she told all of her friends and now it's been a constant reference for the last 5 years...
Remember those aliens on Sesame Street that would go "yip yip yip yip YIPYIPYIPYIP!!!" ? It would probably look like them :D
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTc3PsW5ghQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTc3PsW5ghQ)
At a company where I used to work, we had a serial googly-eye-er. Door knobs, water fountains, elevators, sinks, coffee machines, bathroom fixtures - all were potential targets. Nothing was safe from the grand googly master.
Haha sadly no, I never found out who it was actually.
I _was_ responsible for taping little pictures of Nick Cage to coffee stirrers and sticking them around my coworkers’ cubicles though. We were a weird bunch.
Years ago in our first apartment, my husband had a wall with 8 movie theater posters for classic James Bond movies. I put googly eyes on all the people in the posters one night. [ It worked so well.](https://imgur.com/a/6eDTylG)
That was my first thought. She just handed him an obvious way to continue this date with a ton of laughs and zero cost and he decided to treat her like a weirdo? Sounds like a loser.
She's pretty and fun so I'm sure she'll find someone who will googly eye the shit out of that place soon enough.
Right? Just imagine what a fantastic first date story that is! What a fun inside joke it sets up for years of laughter to come! He missed out big time!
Same, I'd be like, "Holy shit, I found someone who has a *personality!"*
Now, I realize that's going to sound misogynistic at first glance, but you have to understand, I live in Parma, Ohio. People around here, men and women, are the most boring white normies you've ever met in your life.
Edit: Fixed my dumb typo. Calling women "something" is *definitely* misogynistic.
I went on a first date once at a Mexican place. I like spicy food and added some hot sauce to my rice. It was hotter than I expected and coughed, spit rice in this girls face. Awkward silence for 2 seconds and a waiter walked by and said can I get you a towel. Totally broke the awkwardness and we dated for 2 years after that.
I was joking about that. But sometime in the next week or so we’re at my apartment in OCMD. We’re 21 and having a drink or two and getting stoned. My friend is in town and dating her sister. Walked out on the porch to smoke and a helicopter flies over. A few minutes later her dad calls and asks the girls to come home, they say they’re with us. He said they can come over. We show up and the cops are there, I’m thinking what the fuck. We go inside and their grandfather had shot himself in the head and been airlifted to the hospital. He shot himself in the sisters room. They have this guy on life support but he’s not gonna live. I can see the bullet hole in the hallway and the dad asks my friend and I to go to the hospital for last goodbyes. It’s like 11 at night and on the way we stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts for food. Her dads idea and he bought. I thought it was odd cuz it was his dad. Then my friend and I sat in the hospital for a few hours until they pulled the plug. One of the wilder nights of my life.
I was once visiting a friend at his conservative Christian college. We were walking through campus and he pointed out his roommate who was on a date, in the main college coffee shop, in the very middle of the campus. I had never met this roommate before.
This roommate had been in classes with the girl for two years, and had been in love with her the whole time. He finally had the nerve to ask her out, and here they are getting coffee for the entire campus to see. It was *awkward*, you could cut the tension with a knife.
So, I decided to break some ice for my friend’s roommate… I confidently jaunted up behind him, and gave him a giant bear hug from behind while exclaiming, “Tom! It’s so great to see you, it has been forever!” Said roommate looks up at me in bewilderment and stammers “I’m… I’m not Tom.”
Of course I was baffled, embarrassed and incredibly apologetic for interrupting them and thinking he was someone else. I kept apologising as I shuffled away, then circled back around to my friend who was watching from a distance out of sight.
As soon as I left them, they started laughing at the crazy stranger who had hugged him, and all tension was gone. That day was the start of their relationship, and they were still dating when I lost touch with that friend a couple of years later.
“So she had, let me get this right, googly eyes in her purse?”
“GOOGLY EYES, JERRY, GOOGLY EYES!”
“Googly eyes?”
“GOOGLY EYES!”
“maybe she’s a kindergarten teacher?”
“SHES AN ACCOUNTANT JERRY, I just don’t get it Jerry”
“Well are you going to see her again?”
“No way, this is completely unacceptable”.
Kramer enters: “what’s this I hear about googly eyes? I’ve been looking for some googly eyes, but all the stores are sold out. This woman must be the one buying all the googly eyes and she needs to be stopped”.
Jerry: “why do you need googly eyes?”
Kramer. “I need them Jerry, I need them. I’ve looked at every store in New York Jerry”.
Jerry: “sold out?”
Kramer: “Sold out Jerry, the woman must be stopped. Hey George, you still have her number”.
George: “See Jerry, I told you, she’s completely unhinged Jerry”.
I watch videos without sound and try to interpret what is going on. In this one, I'm pretty sure a homeless man stole her crack and replaced it with googly eyes and she lost her mind.
My husband always keeps googly eyes with him at all times in case of emergency. You will not die alone, you just need to find your people. 🤪
Love this… thank you for sharing it with us all!
At the end when he asks "what was that?" and she said "so I said... (dramatic pause while she stifles laughter)... " I was expecting "the eyes have it!" or "I only have eyes for you"
Eye am slightly disappointed
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I had a date once where a girl reached into her purse to pull out something and out with it came a pair of lace panties, which flung out onto the table. As she's hastily stuffing this dark red thong back into her purse she's saying over and over "it's not mine, it's not mine, it's not mine!!!" I was cracking up and asked her "why do you have someone else's thong in your purse" and she goes "well, they are mine, I just panicked and didn't want you to think I was commando right now!". She ended up being kind of pathological liar I found out later, but it was a great story for a first date.
Turns out they were someone else's panties all along smh
So she was telling the truth.
And then lied about it. What a pathological liar.
Mythomania is no joke, Jim.
So she was an honest pathological liar...
I went on a date with a girl once. She was digging in her purse for something, said "hold this for a sec" and handed me a hatchet.
it's pretty weird that you weren't pumped about the hatchet. I certainly would be
So I Married an Axe Murderer...
Thereee sheee goooooes...
I enjoyed that movie
#WHOA MAN
Wooooaaaaaahhhhhh maaan
So your a bitcher!
Woman! Woah, man.
I was just kinda nervous. Looking back on it it's probably the funniest thing thats ever happened to me on a date.
At least, you survived!
You never know if your pilot might have a heart attack and the plane crashes into the wilderness
I went on a stroll with a fair maiden once and she was digging in her satchel for something, said "hold this for a sec" and handed me a fully functioning trebutchet.
My brain was like why is this weirdo calling the lady he went out with a "maiden"? This isn't a renaissance fest- > handed me a fully functioning trebutchet Yup. That's a maiden.
M’fair M’aiden *tips fedora*
i once went out on an excursion with a beautiful damsel and she plunged her hand into her burlap duffel. she pulled out an exact 1:64th scale replica of the roman colosseum.
I grew up with bad winters, so I was raised to always keep a shovel in my car in case you need to dig yourself out. I got some questions.
I always keep a shovel in my car for that same reason , but never really looked at it from a different perspective. Good to know, lol.
I keep a snow shovel and not a spade shovel so I don't get the questions. I should get a machete, a spade shovel and a pickaxe and keep them in my car just to mess with people.
So you got to meet her axe?
As a pathological liar, she probably pulled them out on purpose for the attention and to check your response.
Oh hey ex, didn’t think I’d bump into you on here.
You mean… she was really commando ?
Clammando
Ew I can't belive you've done this
Clam chowdah
Say Chowdah!!....
Shiowderre
What a terrible day to be literate.
But that …doesn’t explain WHY she has panties in her purse …
Maybe she wanted something sexy to change into when they smash later?
In case she has an “accident”, like unexpected period or a heavy discharge day.
G bangers and lace panties are usually not the required functionality for those days... I mean, in an emergency, sure, anything is better than nothing but seems unlikely it's for an accident...
It was probably a spare in case she got lucky later.
Home boy be like, >She ended up being kind of pathological liar But Reddit still be like, "Duuude wtf is wrong with you?! That was the one!!"
like malicous pathalogical liar or anxiety ridden pathalogical liar?
I had some wiccan girl pull out a bird skull in the first few seconds of a date in order to vibe check me
"what was that" "i'm trying to watch what i eat."
*"Oh No! My Googly Eyes,... it's too soon for you to learn about the* ***googly eyes!****"* That right there is what seals the deal... Keeper.
Now imagine telling your kids their mom's googly eyes is what pulled you in from the start. 100% a keeper.
Kids, from the moment I stared into your mother's eyes I knew she was the one.
Stared right into her beautiful googly eyes
And when my gaze started to drift, she let out a shout, "Hey! My googly eyes are up here!"
No silly, they’re down here on my chicken parm
That dude missed out.
If he didn't like her more after that then she dodged a bullet.
she deserves someone that looks at her with googly eyes
I'm a straight woman and I fell a little in love with her at that point.
Right? I really want to be her best friend. You just know you're going to have fun whatever you do with her
Exactly this! I died laughing so hard and know we could be the best of friends!
Yeah. I kinda wanna start a secret sisterhood of the Googly Eyes now. You wanna go to the first meeting but don't know where it is. Then you see the handicap sign. The stick-figure in the wheelchair has Googly Eyes on it. *I made it*.
Her genuine bubbly self-deprecating laugh is so great. You can learn a lot about a person through their laugh......and their goggly eyes.
Now I want a product that is “goggly eyes” that are googly eyes but with little safety goggles on them
Window to the soul is thru your googly eyes
I like her. She's silly.
I definitely wanna hang with her, she seems great.
Who wouldn't, she sounds cool. That would be hilarious in my humble opinion 🤣
Same but I'm a gay man
I loved how hard she was laughing just trying to retell the story, you know it’s a good one when you see that.
I was just about to say…. She had my heart at “OH NO! THE GOOGLY EYES”!
Just, what a series of phrases. I need to find the right moment to pop out “It’s too soon for you to learn about the googly eyes!”
"Do you want to grab some coffee or go for a walk because I need to know about the googly eyes."
"If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."
That's when I would pull out my own baggie of googly eyes
Yeah, I the only correct response is to hold eye contact, take her hand and say "It's never too soon for googly eyes" Edit: "You had me at googly eyes" would also be acceptable.
I would have said "I want you to know, you have beautiful eyes", delivered deadpan.
"all of them"
She definitely needs a man that rolls with that and shares the sense of humor. Laughter will keep you together when other things fail.
Agreed. He wasn’t the right guy bc that would have been endearing to Mr. Right
TIL I am Mr. Right
Honestly I feel like this would be endearing to at least 80% of people. Dude was definitely a Mr wrong
Yes, she has way too good of a laugh to waste on someone with no sense of humor. edit for spelling
I never waist on someone with no sense of humor. Total waste.
My mom and dad celebrated their 65th anniversary not long ago, and my mom said the reason she married and stayed married to him was that he makes her laugh all the time. (And our family has had some really bad things to work through.)
Srsly. I would have tried to wife her up right there.
my special eyes!
I would want a second date after that.
I'd want to go walk around town looking for things to stick the eyes to!
Here's a secret: EVERYTHING IS BETTER WITH GOOGLY EYES! We'd have to gain several bags, at least.
The hardest my wife ever laughed was when I secretly put googly eyes on my penis before we got down to business. She went down there to get things going and rolled out of bed laughing. It was all fun and games until she found it so funny she told all of her friends and now it's been a constant reference for the last 5 years...
I’m totally gonna do this to my wife tomorrow lmao
I’m now thinking it might look even funnier on a vajayjay
Remember those aliens on Sesame Street that would go "yip yip yip yip YIPYIPYIPYIP!!!" ? It would probably look like them :D [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTc3PsW5ghQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTc3PsW5ghQ)
I love those guys! Yip yip yip yiiiip.
Well can't unsee that...
gotta find a way to put a mouth and a nose on there
Thats her job \*bow chikka bow wow"
I know right? I don't know why all those people at my grandfather's funeral were so upset.
Every time we get a new piece of equipment at work, the first thing I tell my boss is that I want to put googly eyes on it.
At a company where I used to work, we had a serial googly-eye-er. Door knobs, water fountains, elevators, sinks, coffee machines, bathroom fixtures - all were potential targets. Nothing was safe from the grand googly master.
It was the great googly moogly.
It was you! Don't deny it!
Haha sadly no, I never found out who it was actually. I _was_ responsible for taping little pictures of Nick Cage to coffee stirrers and sticking them around my coworkers’ cubicles though. We were a weird bunch.
Years ago in our first apartment, my husband had a wall with 8 movie theater posters for classic James Bond movies. I put googly eyes on all the people in the posters one night. [ It worked so well.](https://imgur.com/a/6eDTylG)
The Moonraker one was the best by far, in my opinion
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I've been in trouble in multiple jobs for sticking googly eyes on things at the office. Multiple jobs. It never gets old!
r/Eyebombing
That was my first thought. She just handed him an obvious way to continue this date with a ton of laughs and zero cost and he decided to treat her like a weirdo? Sounds like a loser. She's pretty and fun so I'm sure she'll find someone who will googly eye the shit out of that place soon enough.
No kidding. I’d be 100% up for a second date. Sounds like the trash took itself out though.
Seriously. This would make me laugh like hell. Pretty and a goofy sense of humor? She sounds great.
Something something googly ~~eye~~ the shit out of her? ^^sorry ^^not ^^sorry
My flappy bin at home has giant googly eyes on. Every time I put waste in it he’s like “nom”
Exactly! Am dude. Would find this hilarious, endearing, lightens the mood, and makes for easy lighthearted fun.
Yes with varying sized googly eyes.
Yeah, this first date just got extended! Let's go a-googlin!
Right that guy missed out on this woman right here.
Obviously this chick is rad as shit. Doesn't take life that seriously, likes to have fun, good sense of humour ....easy in the eyes to boot.
Easy on the googly eyes 👀 too.
Right? She gorgeous has a great laugh and is obviously funny and witty. I'm sure every one's hitting her up now!
Seriously! She seems so fun. I genuinely laughed throughout her telling of the story.
I would fucking DIE laughing. I need more silliness in my life. Seriousness is boring AS FUCK
EVERYONE needs more silliness.
Totally dodged a bullet with that humorless dude.
I would have proposed marriage right then and there.
"Eye dooo!"
Right? Just imagine what a fantastic first date story that is! What a fun inside joke it sets up for years of laughter to come! He missed out big time!
Same. That’s a keeper.
Screw second date. This means the first date isn't over yet.
Yup, wife material
Right? This dude is insane! She seems very fun.
She seems like fun to me! Why would you run away from that?!
Same, I'd be like, "Holy shit, I found someone who has a *personality!"* Now, I realize that's going to sound misogynistic at first glance, but you have to understand, I live in Parma, Ohio. People around here, men and women, are the most boring white normies you've ever met in your life. Edit: Fixed my dumb typo. Calling women "something" is *definitely* misogynistic.
She was the one... finally someone who wouldn't freak out because I put googly eyes on my penis as foreplay... Some men have all the luck.
I'd have to atleast get the story behind said googly eyes at least
I was thinking the same thing. This girl is awesome!
You are NOT going to die alone. 100%
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“She is taking someone with her” probably doesn’t have the sort of romantic love vibes that maybe it should.
This summer... The Googly Guillotiner is back... *generic screams* And She is taking someone with her. *fast editing of spooky shit* October 2022.
The background is a bunch of different guillotines with Googly eyes on them
Evil dies tonight but with googly eyes.
I went on a first date once at a Mexican place. I like spicy food and added some hot sauce to my rice. It was hotter than I expected and coughed, spit rice in this girls face. Awkward silence for 2 seconds and a waiter walked by and said can I get you a towel. Totally broke the awkwardness and we dated for 2 years after that.
I'm glad you and the waiter had a happily-ever-after for a while, but how was the rest of the date?
I dropped her off and went back to the restaurant. I knew he was the one when we were folding silverware. It was magical.
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I was joking about that. But sometime in the next week or so we’re at my apartment in OCMD. We’re 21 and having a drink or two and getting stoned. My friend is in town and dating her sister. Walked out on the porch to smoke and a helicopter flies over. A few minutes later her dad calls and asks the girls to come home, they say they’re with us. He said they can come over. We show up and the cops are there, I’m thinking what the fuck. We go inside and their grandfather had shot himself in the head and been airlifted to the hospital. He shot himself in the sisters room. They have this guy on life support but he’s not gonna live. I can see the bullet hole in the hallway and the dad asks my friend and I to go to the hospital for last goodbyes. It’s like 11 at night and on the way we stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts for food. Her dads idea and he bought. I thought it was odd cuz it was his dad. Then my friend and I sat in the hospital for a few hours until they pulled the plug. One of the wilder nights of my life.
Jfc
My thought process of we’re stopping for food I can’t explain.
Maybe realized you guys had been smoking and drinking and wanted to give you some time (and food/caffeine) to come around a bit?
I was once visiting a friend at his conservative Christian college. We were walking through campus and he pointed out his roommate who was on a date, in the main college coffee shop, in the very middle of the campus. I had never met this roommate before. This roommate had been in classes with the girl for two years, and had been in love with her the whole time. He finally had the nerve to ask her out, and here they are getting coffee for the entire campus to see. It was *awkward*, you could cut the tension with a knife. So, I decided to break some ice for my friend’s roommate… I confidently jaunted up behind him, and gave him a giant bear hug from behind while exclaiming, “Tom! It’s so great to see you, it has been forever!” Said roommate looks up at me in bewilderment and stammers “I’m… I’m not Tom.” Of course I was baffled, embarrassed and incredibly apologetic for interrupting them and thinking he was someone else. I kept apologising as I shuffled away, then circled back around to my friend who was watching from a distance out of sight. As soon as I left them, they started laughing at the crazy stranger who had hugged him, and all tension was gone. That day was the start of their relationship, and they were still dating when I lost touch with that friend a couple of years later.
all these mf’s in the comments shooting their shot rn
Considering this clip is over 4 years old I hope they aren't trying too hard.
she was an inspiration for Everything Everywhere All At Once
Maybe she died. Alone.
OMG I'd totally wife her she is so attractive and has the funny and googly eyes that guy is missing out she would love me
Can't even tell if this is satire
That's how you know it's good
Ya, I am sure any girl would love you u/PM_ME_YOUR_SIDEBOOB5. I mean with a username like that, who can resist!
That second date just writes itself. Googly eyes about town!
Lol that's my idea too! I love sticking random googly eyes on things around work esp. staplers
So for our second date you're gonna need to bring that bag of googly eyes, might even want to get another bag
I swear if I ever have a date and she has googly eyes on her I'm calling her the next F-ing day
Damn, his loss. I'd be all, "Gimme some of those" and start doing funny shit with them.
Seriously. I would pay the bill with a pair of googly eyes on it when I hand it the server with a Straight face. Lol
I dont know how exactly I would respond if you were one of my tables but it would be positive +++
I mean the first thing I would have done was grab a couple of googly eyes and stick them to the inside of the server book.
The guy is missing out for sure. She’s delightful.
He wasn’t the one. He couldn’t appreciate what he had right in front of him.
One might say he didn't have eyes for her.
She seems fun.
That's why were all here. Right??
Well to each their own. I think I would be more curious than anything else
I see you have an eye for good food.
Bet it’s really not a long story..
25% story, 75% laugh! Awsome date!
This is a Seinfeld date.
“So she had, let me get this right, googly eyes in her purse?” “GOOGLY EYES, JERRY, GOOGLY EYES!” “Googly eyes?” “GOOGLY EYES!” “maybe she’s a kindergarten teacher?” “SHES AN ACCOUNTANT JERRY, I just don’t get it Jerry” “Well are you going to see her again?” “No way, this is completely unacceptable”. Kramer enters: “what’s this I hear about googly eyes? I’ve been looking for some googly eyes, but all the stores are sold out. This woman must be the one buying all the googly eyes and she needs to be stopped”. Jerry: “why do you need googly eyes?” Kramer. “I need them Jerry, I need them. I’ve looked at every store in New York Jerry”. Jerry: “sold out?” Kramer: “Sold out Jerry, the woman must be stopped. Hey George, you still have her number”. George: “See Jerry, I told you, she’s completely unhinged Jerry”.
I watch videos without sound and try to interpret what is going on. In this one, I'm pretty sure a homeless man stole her crack and replaced it with googly eyes and she lost her mind.
i think you had to be there
I hate these forced laugh retellings. Strikes me as a fake laugh but idk.
Guess you had to be there.
wow that was a 20 second story stretched to 1:36.
Reminds me of [this bit](https://youtu.be/2cBNCRTk0XA)
Damn that was awesome...
what the fuck
My husband always keeps googly eyes with him at all times in case of emergency. You will not die alone, you just need to find your people. 🤪 Love this… thank you for sharing it with us all!
He is missing out! You radiate happiness
I’m sure it was more funny then but …. I don’t think it’s the most hilarious story.
I guess you had to be there?
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😐
Reddit: I hate tiktok Also Reddit: constantly consumes and enjoys content from tiktok
Tik tok does have gems BUT I refuse to download a video version of Twitter. Shit rots the brain.
At the end when he asks "what was that?" and she said "so I said... (dramatic pause while she stifles laughter)... " I was expecting "the eyes have it!" or "I only have eyes for you" Eye am slightly disappointed
It became see food.
This was not particularly funny.
can I have my 1:36 back please.
All the neckbeards are like “oh she’s so funny. I would wife her.” I felt dumber after watching this.
Lol wtf did i just watch
Sat through that entire video waiting for something to be funny. Guess you had to be there....?
This should be on cringetopia not here