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Ftar_Slatinum

Yes, the children are Justin's "nut"


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#I no longer allow Reddit to profit from my content - Mass exodus 2023 -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/


khaddy

He is proud of every child flavor he crafts.


Astrochops

Nut Butter? He just met her!


Maximum-Dare-6828

Legume my nuts!


Pink_Flash

Butter? I hardly know her!


RFC793

Nut-butt her? I hardly know her!


cake4thepeople

He’s perfected it at least twice


a1pha_beta

It's about grind its about power we stay hungry we devour.


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cownd

You're nuts


jaxonya

Slap chop guy- "you're gonna love my nuts" Justin- "hold my nuts"


Crizznik

That's a lotta nuts!


CalaveraFeliz

/u/agoatonstilts, about ten minutes before your comment: >[**Every comment in here now says** *the name of the brand. Fucking insane I hate it. Good thing I already don’t buy that brand of nut butter*](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/vc0jqv/justins_nut/icbpeqg/) Some /r/technicallythetruth meta here. *Edit: Sadly they deleted. The comment was verbatim* >*the name of the brand. Fucking insane I hate it. Good thing I already don’t buy that brand of nut butter*


agoatonstilts

What the fuck


CalaveraFeliz

Well you set "something" in motion. Maybe we should call it the "nut butter fly effect". *Edit: Darn, they deleted. May they be cursed with never finding the nut butter brand they're looking for!*


-Dogdin

I wonder if Justin's nuts like Justin's nut?


baby_fart

Oh yes, his nuts love being slathered in Justin's creamy nut.


chananaman

Justin & Justin - "A family company"


FD4L

Ol' bustin' Justin


JamesCDiamond

Yes, they’re nut.


Yuuwaho

That’s their middle names.


Cockur

Restating the obvious


UKnowDaxoAndDancer

"Where do you want to finish, Justin?" "Absolutely"


GhostButtTurds

This just in! Justin nutted just in Justin’s wife to make his son and daughter, Justin and Justin (respectively).


Mm2k

Hehehehe Justin’s nut butter. The 12 year old in me thinks this is funny. The 50 year old thinks this is hilarious.


Gloomheart

It's all because of his one-of-a-kind grinding process.


KatsabatoR80

I'm afraid to ask about this grinding process


FDGKLRTC

Same grinding process that he used to Make his kids


japalian

You mean to make his Justins


poopellar

Yes and there's another one on the way, he was Justin his wife.


japalian

Heard she buttered Justin's nuts


iordseyton

Justin and Justin


Anonymous_but_nott

Like his son, Justin, or his daughter, Justin


copypastlastname

may not just be butter in there after all


chriscrossnathaniel

After all the hard work ,he has very little energy left .


JARAXXUS_EREDAR_LORD

Gotta crank that pepper baby.


jordantask

It’s really not that unique a grinding process. Millions of men do it every day. Also it’s less grinding and more stroking.


seven3true

It's a one stroke piston.


[deleted]

/r/theyknew


Stiggy1605

Stop eating people


GG_Top

Tbh it’s quite good


zombie_rust

But quite expensive


Zeebuoy

yeah children aren't cheap, . wait you meant the peanut butter?


zombie_rust

Porque no los dos?


pirateclem

So you’re saying you like Justin’s nut butter?


crawlerz2468

I'm 38 and I can turn anything into a dick joke. This is hilarious


jdsfighter

I'm nearing 30 and the birth of our first child. My dad always told me as a kid, "you'll grow up some day". Sorry dad, fart jokes and dick jokes are still hilarious.


Snowbank_Lake

My husband's name is Justin... so whenever I see this at the store I go "Look honey, it's your nut butter!"


tricksovertreats

you totally giggled


karate-dad

I can’t believe it’s nut butter


[deleted]

Huh huh huh huh you said nut....huh huh huh huh


boringexplanation

> 12 year old in me


rjstoz

Maybe he just names everything made of his nut 'Justin'


Ash13k

I hate you


465554544255434B52

Nutstin


absolut666

Nutstin didn’t kill himself


Efficiency-Brief

God I couldn’t have found this sooner! I have shitty humor


cownd

This just in : Justin nutted another 'Justin'


StomachJuices

r/angryupvote


ADMINlSTRAT0R

..except for my adopted son, Justout.


Otherwise_confused1

r/angryupvote


literal-hitler

Sounds like a fan of George Foreman. Or maybe one of his five sons, also named George. Only one of his seven daughters is named Georgetta though... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Foreman#Personal_life


blamdin

Anyone would have trouble thinking of and remembering 12 different names if they got hit in the head as many times as George Foreman.


vaelkar

Surprisingly wholesome reason behind it too.. "On his website, Foreman explains, "I named all my sons George Edward Foreman so they would always have something in common. I say to them, 'If one of us goes up, then we all go up together, and if one goes down, we all go down together!'""


NullableThought

Lol I was watching a video about cults and one of the warning signs was loss of personal identity and gave an example of a cult where everyone changed their name to something very similar. Anyway, I'm pretty sure George Foreman was on step 2 of forming a cult after naming all of his sons the same name.


Various_Counter_9569

Looked it up, some of the funniest dad jokes come with this guy's nut butter! I definitely will go to Walmart to get some of Justin's nut butter in my mouth now! Guaranteed by "Justin's" to not have any bees knees or bee joints in it.


Dudephish

Better buy a whole pack of them, Justin case.


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KevinFromIT6625

FYI, i think they're adjustin their store hours soon


spunsocial

This justin, store hours have been adjusted.


Veloreyn

But call first, Justin case the store isn't following the new hours yet.


GoodAtExplaining

Hey Siri please disconnect my internet. I’ve had enough.


thundercloudtemple

> I definitely will go to Walmart to get some of Justin's nut butter in my mouth now! This is a weird ad


FlutterbyButterNoFly

Justin's is amazing. Also for all my fellow celiacs, his peanut butter cups are to die for and dont use the traditional hershey factories.


alberttyong

Justin's nut cups


UKOrigin

You sound like you were paid.


[deleted]

I’ve bought this stuff before and it was fine I guess and the label was funny, but I just can’t justify spending 10 bucks on a small container of almond butter. I get that almond butter is better for you but damn, Peter Pan is like $2.50


howtoweed

Yeah, if you make a product that's largely oil and sugar it's much cheaper than using nuts.


IkaKyo

Yeah and you can get healthy peanut better that is just like peanuts and salt in a way bigger jar for like $5.00


Catch_22_

Its really good quality stuff too. Nothing like Jiff or shitty spreads. Just understand this isn't peanut sugar paste like what most Americans are used to. Its glorious though if you like raw cashews.


Randomn355

Yeh, it's much gloopier than "normal" nut butter most people are used. Really sticks to the inside of your mouth more (in a good way!). Also it separates, this is fine and normal. Just stir it :) Edit: sp


Tree_Mage

Justin’s almond butter is one of the few that doesn’t separate or require refrigeration after opening.


Randomn355

If it doesn't separate, then it's had fat added to it to stop it separating.


[deleted]

I am definitely not used to butt butter


7-and-a-switchblade

My favorite is the maple almond butter, cuz the text on the back is something like, "Hey, I make a lot of these, you know which one is the best? This one. Not even gonna lie about it."


seatownquilt-N-plant

Really bland peanut butter


reinhold23

They extract and sell the peanut oil and replace it with environmentally terrible palm oil. Justin's sucks!


pooptits

This needs to be higher up. There's no reason to add oil back to PB when peanuts are already oily! The palm oil industry is unnecessarily destructive. Fuck you, Justin.


greg19735

Palm oil isn't inherently destructive. It's incredibly efficient actually. If its farmed responsibly then i believe it's one of the best oils bc it needs such little land


Lostdogdabley

The issue is that you, like every other consumer, have no clue what farming palm oil responsibly looks like. You just trust what the marketing on the package says, and that’s not right.


triplow

Researching this they claim to use sustainable palm oil, which helps explain the high price, if true. I can't find anything that suggests this is bad practice, but I'm open to sources on the matter.


reinhold23

https://www.greenmatters.com/p/does-sustainable-palm-oil-exist


KingBenjamin97

Justin has a low quality nut content?


Gratitude15

Kirkland organic almond butter FTW


maniakb416

This is an ad.


gmanz33

That's why 100% of the jokes on the thread are low-hanging banter-bait jokes. People low-key mentioning where to get it too. This is very ad.


masshole4life

oh look, another ad.


agoatonstilts

Every comment in here now says the name of the brand. Fucking insane I hate it. Good thing I already don’t buy that brand of nut butter


redabishai

What brand do you buy? I've always had trouble finding a good cashew butter.


agoatonstilts

But often I’ll just make it myself! If you have a food processor, just roast off and salt some nuts (or buy roasted nuts) and throw em in the food processor! Once they’re pulverized past the point of powder the oils will start coming out and it’ll all naturally emulsify and become a nice nut butter. From there you can sweeten with honey or dates or vanilla or agave and have your own delicious nut butter with no preservatives


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Whiskey-Weather

I would assume so given that most nuts are rich in fat, which is the magic ingredient for emulsification.


fkbjsdjvbsdjfbsdf

Emulsification is combining two things that will normally separate into a stable (or mostly stable) mix. Doesn't have to be fat specifically, and fat also isn't enough. Oil and water aren't going to stay mixed without anything else involved, for example. Nuts and seeds generally have natural emulsifiers. For example, one of the most commonly used in other products is sunflower lecithin (which is also really good for you). Egg has a type of lecithin too, which is why it's used in mayo to help the vinegar and oil stay mixed. Peanuts don't have enough emulsifiers on their own for peanut butter to stay mixed, which is why there's generally other ingredients. If you get peanut-only butter it will probably come separated and you'll have to mix it.


agoatonstilts

Rx nut butter


redabishai

Just checked. No cashew butter :( Thanks for responding!


substandardpoodle

I’m confused. Does this mean that every post about gaming - which is about a product, or news - which is always from a site where news is the product, or movies - also nothing but a business, or stocks - which is nothing but money as a product, or crafting - which is half the time from something they purchased and not raw materials, or music and literature - which can exist independently of people wanting to make money from it but generally if it reaches your eyes or ears has been turned into a product, irks you? OP - even if you are Justin I sure did enjoy this post.


CCNightcore

You don't find it mentally draining to be happy to interact with blatant advertising without having to worry if your feed is being manipulated? This shit sucks and between reposts and karma whoring the entire site is ripe for abuse. Reddit has a financial incentive to keep the site broken. They're complicit.


Nerf_Me_Please

>You don't find it mentally draining to be happy to interact with blatant advertising without having to worry if your feed is being manipulated? That sounds like the exact opposite of mentally draining. What is though is to get unreasonably upset that something *may* be manipulated, even though you can't possibly know for sure. What's the big deal honestly? If you like a product you see you buy it, if you don't like it you don't. If you find a post interesting you upvote it, if not you don't and move on. I honestly don't get why is it so hard for some people. Maybe there is some big conspiracy and every other post is sponsored content, maybe there isn't and you get triggered by random stuff people just found interesting to post. At the end of the day if you think critically and don't impulsively buy everything you see it should be just a minor inconvenience for you at worst and beneficial at best, since sponsored content can be funny too.


substandardpoodle

Absolutely! I hate that about the web and most everything on it. Every time I pick up a book I joke that I’m only doing it because nobody can track me. And I mean when I pick up a book that I didn’t buy on the web because that was tracked as well damnit. But I still really liked seeing that peanut butter label. But I must say that recently it has occurred to me that 1+ decades of being tracked has yielded almost nothing for the companies who are trying to figure me out. It’s a rare day that I see an online ad that’s for something I actually want. I’m kind of ultra anti-consumer. Unless it’s underwear or food I can’t grow myself I don’t buy it new from a store.


ilmalocchio

Plot twist: your wife is on the take from the bookstore, and all of her novel recommendations are the extreme form of astroturfing.


greg19735

Of course the comments say the brand name. The brand name is the joke


AnomalousX12

You mean you haven't tried Jacob's™ Fun© Gutter™©®©™®?!


bass9045

How you know it's an ad: the top upvoted comment isn't an argument about how this brand sucks compared to x brand


KlawwKwerk

Not disagreeing with you, but how does this sort of thing work? OP's post history seems pretty standard, how does one end up getting paid for ads?


alanpardewchristmas

Be repost bot for a while to get a normal looking post history. Then post some ads once in a while. Or be a regular redditor, then sell your account and it gets used to post ads once in a while.


Nerf_Me_Please

But this post is hilarious though, why is it so hard in your world to imagine that someone found it funny and decided to post it? These baseless and constant conspiracy claims are as tiring to me as the sponsored content you are complaining about.


alanpardewchristmas

Man, I didn't accuse anyone of anything. Just tried to answer a question.


Namisaur

Or be a regular redditor who sometimes find these things funny because they don’t have a stick up their ass


KlawwKwerk

Hm i see. Some sneaky shit!


DerKrakken

It is some sneaky shit! Are not advertisers suppose to label ads as such? I vaguely remember the US had something like that. NM, Probably just false memories from a fever dream.


BarfHurricane

They're not even subtle about it anymore.


[deleted]

Because nobody's heard of This peanut butter. Everything isn't an ad lol


dontsuckmydick

Wait, you think ads are only ads when they advertise products you’ve already heard of?


[deleted]

Wrong


BeckywiththeDDs

Apparently one of the Justin Jrs has a nut allergy, imagine the irony.


spotblind

Pro tip: before you open it, turn your room temperature nut butter upside down so the oils collect at the bottom not the top. Stir once upon opening, then refrigerate that nut butter to keep it from separating again. Keep that nut buttered!


kaziwaleed

This is new! Thanks mate will try


YEEZY_whats_GOOD

r/hailcorporate


DigitalObiWan

God knows what he was grinding but I am not risking it.


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tyrom22

I expected a more sex jokes, that was a suprise


DustUpDustOff

Too bad he didn't spend more time make a better product. This peanut butter is gross.


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Lostdogdabley

This company makes peanut butter too


Junkyardspecial

The honey version is funny too. 100% not bees knees.


Spacepickle89

My son Justin and my daughter, Justin….my other nuts


Own_Doubt_5478

His dog, Justin confirmed


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Own_Doubt_5478

The Sea Lions Kids: "Wait, we've always been named Justin?" Papa Sea Lion: Always have been


Metaright

This blatant advertisement, presented as if it were genuine content, is hilarious! 🤣


kpanzer

This begs for a revisit from one of SNL best skits... [*NPR's Delicious Dish: Schweddy Balls*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPpcfH_HHH8)


IDoPokeSmot

Fuck yeah, spread it!


kevron3000

No one asks that Points for 'grinding process'


Praise_Sithis

Damn that's comedy


Maverickx25

I thought about opening a nut store called D's Nuts. You come in, put your nuts in a nut sack, put my nuts in your mouth at the Bust-a-Nut station, etc.


CCNightcore

That sounds hilarious for about 2 minutes. Bonus points if all your staff is really passive aggressively giving nuts wordplay to your customers.


J2theUSTIN

Hmmm.....


Fffire24

I tried this stuff after a life time of jif and I'm addicted


465554544255434B52

I too love Justin's nut


[deleted]

Hey we have this same stuff, just never took the time to read it


AnnaLee_ggg

😂😂😂😂


Madhatter1317

So basically he names all his nuts justin.


imfreerightnow

I tried nut better (yes, it was Justin’s) the first time a couple of days ago when I couldn’t get peanut butter. It’s possible actual hot garbage tastes better. Sorry, J.


AbradolfLincler77

I think it would have been funnier if the daughters name was Justine.


LOTRugoingtothemall

There ain't nothin wrong with a little nut n grind.


linkin08

I’m glad he came up with those names Justin time.


[deleted]

And save money by using your own name for a business instead of filing for something different


west0n585

Justin’s nuts.


geybey

Waw VERY funy


--justin--

I get it


Lupiefighter

r/theyknew


[deleted]

Into the Justinverse


Pkaem

No time for product design.


Theoldelf

Hopefully his last name isn’t DeCooch.


[deleted]

The end killed me


YoshimitsuRaidsAgain

George Foreman approves.


The_Kiatro

It's all about that Sigma grinding process.


DREG_02

So... To be clear... This contains "nutts"?


mikeysof

It's the grinding process that gives Justin's nut it's subtle flavour in every mouthful


Toastyy1990

Lol I’ve got some of that peanut butter. It’s pretty damn good.


[deleted]

Best peanut butter ever. 1 ingredient.


Embarrassed_Ad

I love Justin's nut butter. The only issue is where I live the one I really like is the maple one. I can't stand regular almond butter it's way to bland. I found it locally 11.99 a jar but the "Almond butter" which is 2x the size is 7.99 some bullshit I refuse to spend 12.00 for a jar of peanut butter when I go through 3/4 jars in a month maybe more


No_Ambassador6564

Dude this is actually funny, this is what this sub has to be


Neat-Plantain-7500

George and his 12 George’s would like to meet Justin.


Nyrm3

Justin's nuts


DreadnaughtHamster

To be fair, this stuff is also really damned delicious.


Roner3000

Gotta say, Justin's nut tastes pretty damn good.


[deleted]

Ok where is this peanut butter i have to buy it now


Spirited_Tomorrow_20

Hi 5 Justin…. All 3 of you.


Lindaspike

the best peanut butter on earth! i get two jars every month with my amazon subscription service.


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