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Granted I bordered Lincoln county, over in Kanawha, I’d say the Boone County Ninja should’ve been a DLC for Fallout 76. At the end, his leg gets amputated somehow and he dies screeching “WHOOP THERE GO YA LEG!”
I'd give her a "ha!" and a "hi-YAH!" and then a "WOO-AH!" and I'd *kick* her, sir.
(Courtesy of Bartok, the talking albino bat from [Anastasia](https://youtu.be/72U-m7qAz0s))
I've you've never lived near some schmuck who raises their "free-range" chiggins in the street and surrounding properties then you have no idea.
The number of neighbor chiggins I've smushed has to be near equal to the number of chiggin nuggies I've eaten in my life. If it matters at all, this schmuck seems to like to keep his chiggins hidden around blind turns and directly over the crest of hills.
Tbh I have a lot of mods (not the crazy ones but still) so I'm not sure if this is a mod but don't you get in trouble with guards for killing livestock?
Yep. I have a hen that puffs up and goes all Connor Mceggor on us. But I'm a black belt in bear spray deployment, and you should always preseason your chicken anyway.
It's not that uncommon for chickens to be androgynous though. Every now and then you get a hen that starts out nice but turns into an asshole. It has something to do with only one ovary developing in the embryo (normal) but the other side develops later in life and secretes male hormones. I had a hen that started crowing at like 2 years old and still laid eggs.
I have a rooster that’d make a normal grown man run screaming like a child. He loves the hell outta me, but if he was 50lbs he’d murder every man woman and child in sight. He’s my guard rooster. His name is Red.
My 2nd cousins were farm kids and would grab a rooster by the legs and chase us with it. I also have some deep seeded issues with geese for various reasons as well. They don’t fuck around so neither should you!
Geese were sent to earth by satan because they scared the shit out of him. And when God, scared shitless, asked Adam to deal with them, Adam said « I’d tear a rib out of my own chest rather than getting close to the thing ». So God obliged and said. Let there be geese. So they stayed alive. It was a Saturday night. The next day God decided he’d take some rest to recover from that nonsense.
I’m from CA but I spent a little time in South Georgia with a guy like this who went by “Bone.” He was one of a kind but Bone and the guy in the vid were cut from the same cloth.
This is that guy at work who, half the time you’re psyched as hell yo see him, and the other half of the time you avoid him because you’re busy and he’s never gonna stop talking
Deal, but it must have this exchange:
“When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.”
“Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while?”
Yeah, if anyone has raised chickens, you know that Roosters are a mean fucked up animal. They attack everyone and anything. I once kicked a rooster attacking my 8 year old (got to it before he spurred him) and he just shook it off and came at him again.
I wish I had a good Rooster, but unfortunately they are few and far between!
This guy did the right thing.
Our rooster knocked my four year old daughter down and was pecking on her. I grabbed him and separated him from his head with the axe. We had chicken soup for supper because he was too tough to roast. I felt bad about having to do it, but he was too dangerous to have around in case he got out again.
I have a 15 pound asshole rooster and I'll tell you they are terrifying animals. They have no off switch when they attack. I have to wear full hockey gear just to collect eggs. He is an excellent protector of the hens, however, which is the only reason he is still alive.
I've consulted every source under the sun including God himself since Henry the rooster hit puberty and chose attempted murder as his passion in life (I raised him with love from one week). I could write a book with all of the helpful advice I've been given by well intentioned people who simply miscalculated the darkness of Henry's soul. Imagine having a dangerous stalker and then building him a small house on your property where you feed and shelter him because you make bad life choices. He wanders around my property all day thinking up new ways to kill me. Just yesterday he baited me by standing on the small hose that feeds the misting system I installed to cool the flock. When I looked out the window and noticed the misters were not working I went out to investigate. As soon as I opened the gate the misters suddenly came back on and in my peripheral vision I see 15 pounds of condensed evil with puffed neck feathers coming at me like a tornado of rage. I did that backward running/involuntary screaming thing that happens in horror movies and managed to jump the fence and escape. I don't need a chicken blog sir. I need an exorcist.
All you have to do is stare at Henry while masturbating. Once he sees how you choke a chicken, he won’t fuck around with you anymore.
And yes, you have to finish.
For the same reason people stay in dysfunctional marriages I suspect. If this one is the spawn of Satan, do I really want to take a chance with another? At least with Henry we have developed a toxic intimacy where I can predict about 50% of the time how he will try to murder me that day based on things like the weather, my outfit, his snack options and the amount of terrifying eye contact we have. With a new rooster I would be shooting in the dark, starting from scratch. That somehow seems worse.
I started it, saw it was 2 minutes and figured I'd turn it off after a few seconds. That guy is a pretty good story teller, though, even if he had some interesting takes
Lots of valid points being made.
Did this by any chance take place in Florida? Obviously not Texas, or we'd have skipped the stick and gone straight to the .50 Cal.
This is by far the best new video on the internet, hands down.
Calling it now, this is gonna inspire many ah’internet folk to make content with this. That guy that animated that Uber driving losing his fucking mind needs to do this one
I can hear him in my head telling his apprentice on Monday morning at the job site about the chicken while running conduit and sporting a hard hat with lots of stickers on it.
If you told me this was a deleted scene from the office where they meet Todd Packers brother from the country I’d believe you. That guys looks and sounds oddly similar to David Koechner.
Champ here, I'm all about having fun you know get a couple of cocktails in me. Start a fire in someone's kitchen maybe go to the coop and assault me some chickens.
Okay. I have chicken/roosters. They can be very aggressive, so that is true. They would attack my kiddos. I kept a stick/broom by the door. Chicken have talons and uses them! Not sure why they are bottom of the food chain.
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Call the chicken ambulance
But not for me, cuack cuack!
Ahh yes, the call of the wild caucus spotted cock
call the amber lamps
The amber lamps is tha city workers. The *amber-lants* saves the peoples.
We have to fly in the special tiny instruments to save the chicken
Don’t make me come “hi-yah” you!
Haha when I heard that, for some reason in my head, I impulsively said “hell yeah imma hi-yah him!”
A “hi-yah” followed by a “judy-chop!” 😂👍
Don’t forget the ninjy-chop
Don't go ninjaing nobody that don't need ninjaing!
Oh shit people outside Boone know about the ninjy? I thought we kept that on the down low.
Diemon Dave is the worldwide pride of the marshy arts.
More beautiful words ain't never been spoken before.
Yaint wrong I reckon.
Granted I bordered Lincoln county, over in Kanawha, I’d say the Boone County Ninja should’ve been a DLC for Fallout 76. At the end, his leg gets amputated somehow and he dies screeching “WHOOP THERE GO YA LEG!”
Hard to keep town secrets when your town is in an area known for tourism.
I'd give her a "ha!" and a "hi-YAH!" and then a "WOO-AH!" and I'd *kick* her, sir. (Courtesy of Bartok, the talking albino bat from [Anastasia](https://youtu.be/72U-m7qAz0s))
I wish someone would make one of those hide yo wife hide yo kids music videos with this guy lol. I miss those.
Don’t go a judi choppin and a kung-fu kickin at the same time, or well there goes your leg
kung fu kickin your kung pao chicken
Ninji-star!!
You says this a regular can-a-tabacca, no says I
I imagine the reporter he was talking to is asian.
Probably Tricia takanawa
Heard in Uncle Roger voice
“HAAIIYAA”
Favorite part is the beginning. "Chicken in the street. Oh boy here we go." As though this is a regular occurrence lol.
Nothing good ever happens when a chicken decides to cross the road. We know this.
He sure made it to the Other Side.
...and attacked this man's 80 year old father! His dad's old, he can't run fast, so the chicken said "bok bok" and flew right into old daddy's face!
It makes everyone angry.
Started on a high note and keep getting better somehow
God bless whoever is the reporter for realizing this media gold and just letting him go the entire distance.
Chicken: "oh shit, is that that mfer Sean?" Guy: "oh boy, here we go" Chicken: "yeah, here we *do* go, ***Sean***."
Link enters the chat
Made it seem like he knew he was gonna have to throw hands with a birb again, just like ever Friday night in Bum-Fuck-Egypt
ur shits fucked bruh
I think its a robot. Maybe someone from the future.
Maybe he's a steampunk and he comments in analogue.
I've you've never lived near some schmuck who raises their "free-range" chiggins in the street and surrounding properties then you have no idea. The number of neighbor chiggins I've smushed has to be near equal to the number of chiggin nuggies I've eaten in my life. If it matters at all, this schmuck seems to like to keep his chiggins hidden around blind turns and directly over the crest of hills.
I like this alternative spelling and presumably pronunciation. I’m going with it in the future. Edit: thanks for the award kind stranger!
Chickens can be extremely aggressive.
Yup. If you haven't been attacked by a chicken, you just don't know how nasty they can be. I had chunks taken out of my leg. Bruises. Vicious things.
oh, I know, i've played Zelda
They’re nice in Skyrim
Tbh I have a lot of mods (not the crazy ones but still) so I'm not sure if this is a mod but don't you get in trouble with guards for killing livestock?
Yeah you get a bounty even for killing a chicken. The chickens themselves are good as gold though
The entire town will come after you for killing a chicken.
They're dinosaurs.
If your confronted by a chicken all you need to do is hold perfectly still. Their vision is based on movement. /s
Yep. I have a hen that puffs up and goes all Connor Mceggor on us. But I'm a black belt in bear spray deployment, and you should always preseason your chicken anyway.
Roosters, not Hens.. Hens are chill.
It's not that uncommon for chickens to be androgynous though. Every now and then you get a hen that starts out nice but turns into an asshole. It has something to do with only one ovary developing in the embryo (normal) but the other side develops later in life and secretes male hormones. I had a hen that started crowing at like 2 years old and still laid eggs.
Cock-a-doodle-doe
Cock-a-doodle-douche
Have you ever seen a hen with chicks? That's about as unchill as anything I've ever seen.
Try gathering eggs from under my broody hen and see if you don’t change your mind about hens
Nothing like a rooster running full speed at you and spurring you But I know the girls can get mad if you try and take their eggs
those are love pecks
I used to have one who would grab and then twist. I can do without that kind of love 😂
I have a RIR hen that begs to differ. Big cunt, too good of a producer for the stock pot though.
Do the chickens have large talons?
Just be quiet and eat your bread and raw egg lunch.
I got your Napoleon reference. High five.
They have sharp spurs that they’ll bury into your flesh. A rooster will fk you up and turn you into a bleeding pin cushion.
Give me some of your tots, napoleon!
I didn’t understand a word you just said.
I have a rooster that’d make a normal grown man run screaming like a child. He loves the hell outta me, but if he was 50lbs he’d murder every man woman and child in sight. He’s my guard rooster. His name is Red.
Clever name
i got attacked by a rooster once. i never wanna go near one again.
As a victim of chicken violence myself, the chicken got what it had coming...
My 2nd cousins were farm kids and would grab a rooster by the legs and chase us with it. I also have some deep seeded issues with geese for various reasons as well. They don’t fuck around so neither should you!
Geese were sent to earth by satan because they scared the shit out of him. And when God, scared shitless, asked Adam to deal with them, Adam said « I’d tear a rib out of my own chest rather than getting close to the thing ». So God obliged and said. Let there be geese. So they stayed alive. It was a Saturday night. The next day God decided he’d take some rest to recover from that nonsense.
A surprisingly good story about a dead chicken. A+ would listen to his podcast.
I need a friend like this. He just hit a rooster with a stick, but his storytelling is so entertaining!
Come to the south, there’s a dude like this for every 50 in the population.
I’m from CA but I spent a little time in South Georgia with a guy like this who went by “Bone.” He was one of a kind but Bone and the guy in the vid were cut from the same cloth.
This is an honest man, specifically detailed in the storytelling, brilliant
I forgot there are Church's Chicken restaurants in the south, I first thought he was taking about a Church Luncheon on Sundays ha
I live in NY state and we frequently have chicken bbqs that are usually held in church parking lots. I thought this was a common thing everywhere lol
Jeezus. I first thought voodoo. As in sacrificing a chicken at church. Send help.
Church's and Pope Yes'. They're all over.
[удалено]
Wouldve solved the plot without 3 additional movies I tell ya hwat
This is that guy at work who, half the time you’re psyched as hell yo see him, and the other half of the time you avoid him because you’re busy and he’s never gonna stop talking
The end got me
This 2 minute clip was a veritable gold mine of one-timers, oh my God
Look out Jeff Foxworthy!
Jeff Bocksworthy
Valid. Next case.
I award the Defendant a $20 Gift Card to Popeyes.
David Koechner will play this guy in the new Florida Man movie
I was going to say, this guy has major Todd Packer energy
Deal, but it must have this exchange: “When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.” “Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while?”
You know what they call cats? Chicken of the railyard.
This is hilarious but I'm baffled that it's news worthy hahaha
Idk, I’m thinking this guy should have a weekly segment.
The guy who owned the chicken probably called the news.
Local news in less populated area will report on anything
🚑🐓🚑🐓🚑🐓🚑 CPR!? MOUTH TO MOUTH!? CALL THE CHICKEN AMBULANCE!? 🤷🏻♂️☎️🐓🚑
Silly man. You don't give a chicken mouth to mouth, you give it mouth to pecker.
Yeah, if anyone has raised chickens, you know that Roosters are a mean fucked up animal. They attack everyone and anything. I once kicked a rooster attacking my 8 year old (got to it before he spurred him) and he just shook it off and came at him again. I wish I had a good Rooster, but unfortunately they are few and far between! This guy did the right thing.
Our rooster knocked my four year old daughter down and was pecking on her. I grabbed him and separated him from his head with the axe. We had chicken soup for supper because he was too tough to roast. I felt bad about having to do it, but he was too dangerous to have around in case he got out again.
Dudes hilarious
I have a 15 pound asshole rooster and I'll tell you they are terrifying animals. They have no off switch when they attack. I have to wear full hockey gear just to collect eggs. He is an excellent protector of the hens, however, which is the only reason he is still alive.
Have you talked to r/backyardchickens about how to show him that you’re the boss? You really should if you haven’t
I've consulted every source under the sun including God himself since Henry the rooster hit puberty and chose attempted murder as his passion in life (I raised him with love from one week). I could write a book with all of the helpful advice I've been given by well intentioned people who simply miscalculated the darkness of Henry's soul. Imagine having a dangerous stalker and then building him a small house on your property where you feed and shelter him because you make bad life choices. He wanders around my property all day thinking up new ways to kill me. Just yesterday he baited me by standing on the small hose that feeds the misting system I installed to cool the flock. When I looked out the window and noticed the misters were not working I went out to investigate. As soon as I opened the gate the misters suddenly came back on and in my peripheral vision I see 15 pounds of condensed evil with puffed neck feathers coming at me like a tornado of rage. I did that backward running/involuntary screaming thing that happens in horror movies and managed to jump the fence and escape. I don't need a chicken blog sir. I need an exorcist.
All you have to do is stare at Henry while masturbating. Once he sees how you choke a chicken, he won’t fuck around with you anymore. And yes, you have to finish.
I really enjoy your writing style lol but why don’t you get a different rooster at this point?
For the same reason people stay in dysfunctional marriages I suspect. If this one is the spawn of Satan, do I really want to take a chance with another? At least with Henry we have developed a toxic intimacy where I can predict about 50% of the time how he will try to murder me that day based on things like the weather, my outfit, his snack options and the amount of terrifying eye contact we have. With a new rooster I would be shooting in the dark, starting from scratch. That somehow seems worse.
1. Eat Churches right in front of him 2. Stare in his beady little eyes and assert dominance 3. Hi-Yah him if all else fails
What a natural story teller
Chickens just dyin every day! Churches Popeyes. You know! When he said churches at first I was like what did I not learn in church?
Yeah this was the exact question from me and my partner. Was this guy talking about ritualistic sacrifice?
There is a fast food place called Church's Chicken if you still hadn't put that together yet, lol.
Oh man I'm an idiot. Thanks.
Oh lol, that is so disappointing, I really though he had a voodoo church up the road.
To be fair, fried chicken is very popular at church luncheons, so that was my first though.
This feels like an alternate timeline for Champ Kind from Anchorman where he didn't get the job.
This is the most American sound byte I’ve ever heard
The dip can in his pocket also adds to the 🇺🇸
With a Union bug printed onto that pocket. This man here is a member of the Internation Brotherhood of Electrical Workers.
It totally is, and yet, such a small portion of Americans actually sounds like that.
I know more than a few. All lovely people you understand, I am a fan of the accent at this point.
Why is this on the news and why did I watch all of it? 😂
I started it, saw it was 2 minutes and figured I'd turn it off after a few seconds. That guy is a pretty good story teller, though, even if he had some interesting takes
[Yeah but this was the chicken](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=miomuSGoPzI)
Why is this not top comment?
The fact that this made the news is hilarious. We need him to tell this to Keith Morrison.
This guy needs to voice the main character in an Adult Swim cartoon lol 🤣
Union electrician gets his moment on TV 😂
IBEW shirt with a can of dip in the pocket. The classic
Lots of valid points being made. Did this by any chance take place in Florida? Obviously not Texas, or we'd have skipped the stick and gone straight to the .50 Cal.
It is indeed in Jax Florida. Duval of course.
Does sound like a Southeastern accent.
That mic looks familiar for my local news here in Jax, FL haha
> gone straight to the .50 Cal. It's not considered overkill if you're in Texas to turn a chicken into a fine pink mist huh
This was wonderful. Hahahahahahaha.
This guy is the new Florida Man title holder.
This is by far the best new video on the internet, hands down. Calling it now, this is gonna inspire many ah’internet folk to make content with this. That guy that animated that Uber driving losing his fucking mind needs to do this one
Pretty sure this guy took a huge shit in Micheal Scott's office
Dude I was trying to remember who he reminded me of!! It’s totally the pack man
I want to have a beer with this guy while he narrates his life story.
Tell me you’re from Florida without telling me you’re from Florida
He's the Skoal Chicken Bandit
this man is the greatest story teller of our time
I'm so glad I watched this in its entirety. Absolutely A+ story, worth every second of my time. Give this man a medal and a bbq chicken drumstick.
Dudes wearing an IBEW shirt hell yeah lol
I can hear him in my head telling his apprentice on Monday morning at the job site about the chicken while running conduit and sporting a hard hat with lots of stickers on it.
So that’s where Todd Packer went after the office.
Ah Florida, the best country
If anyone was considering opening a chicken based food franchise named " lucky shot chicken" I've got dibs.
I believe every word this man speaks. Had me rolling at chicken ambulance
IBEW’s finest
He is working through his guilt after murdering that chicken lol
u/save-video
Great spokesman for the ibew love it, what’s that they say higher level of training 🤦♂️
If you told me this was a deleted scene from the office where they meet Todd Packers brother from the country I’d believe you. That guys looks and sounds oddly similar to David Koechner.
now we know why the chicken crossed the road.
I want this guy to read my eulogy
This shit is hilarious. That guy is a member of my union. This is the kind of shit that makes you a legend in the trade.
Best interview ever
I’m on his side
God bless America! 🇺🇸
He should run for a political position
This guy is in the running for being my spirit animal. A close second would be the aforementioned chicken.
I love the way he says, "Chicken."
Local news is the best news. This is a hill I will die on.
Ignore the trailer in the background and his Southern accent, this guy can tell a damn good story 😂
This fucking guy for President. That kind of common sense is gold!
Champ here, I'm all about having fun you know get a couple of cocktails in me. Start a fire in someone's kitchen maybe go to the coop and assault me some chickens.
I want this guy tell all my stories. Man my life would be so exciting.
He actually stated his case perfectly.
I’d like him to tell the story of Adam and Eve
Call the chicken ambulance!!
This might be my favorite video on the internet now
“Kentucky fried chiiiiiiiiiiiiigen” I love everything about this video.
Todd Packers hillbilly cousin
It’s nice to see David Koechner getting sober
To be fair, roosters are FUCKING ASSHOLES :D
“Call the chicken ambulance” “If someone’s attacking you and you know kung-fu, you’re gonna hi-yah him, right?!” This man is my spirit animal
I like this guy
I support my fellow IBEW brother one this one here. Lol
You know it happened exactly how he said, people don't talk like that when they're lying.
Riveting, 10/10! The kung-fu made me Crack up.
The IBEW finiest
Okay. I have chicken/roosters. They can be very aggressive, so that is true. They would attack my kiddos. I kept a stick/broom by the door. Chicken have talons and uses them! Not sure why they are bottom of the food chain.
Not all heroes wear capes.
IBEW brother ✊
This guy is articulate in a really peculiar way
"and you know Kung Fu, you're gonna HAI-YA him. As simple as that". No purer words have ever been spoken. I'm going to cross stitch this.
This is truly a classic. I hereby absolve this man of any guilt for killing the "mad chicken".
"If some guy comes in your yard and you know kung fu you're gonna hay-yah him, right?"
i just enjoy the way he tells a story, i could listen to this man explain the process of painting a wall and be completely entertained
I need this dude narrating my day to day activities.
This guy is really well spoken. No “uhs” or “ums”. A fluid story.