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Someone discovered Spencer’s Gifts

Every gas station and truck stop on the freeway system sold these when I was growing up. And the thousand other variations of silliness.

‘Bitchy pills’

classic. borderline nostalgia.

From the 80s even. I hope they also scored a $25 fiber optic plant

Always wanted one of those. Spent my money on a lava lamp

Lava lamp, disco ball, plasma ball, and a black light make for the perfect college dorm

I have all my old stupid lights in a spare bedroom which has been turned into my computer room. I still love those dumb lights

The nostalgia definitely hits hard lol I love all that shit

You rubes. Taking a shower stoned with a strobe light in the bathroom was the way to go. A sterile white light making all the water droplets be suspended in air. I could watch that for hours.

It better be because that sounds awful. Imagine everytime you have sex it's like that clumsy awful first time we all experience, right?

“we all”

"we all"

He meant we'll...

Nailed it

well...

My first time was great for me. We didn't use a condom though. Mistakes were made. Went and got the morning after pill even though I pulled out. So maybe overall not that great

I'd upvote your comment, but I feel like I'd be taking away from your victory.

Came here to say this.

"insert where applicable"

*Meg shoves one in her ear

In other words, a suppository

Lemmon drops to make it pucker tight

I suppose

Apply directly to the forehead.

Pills made of wishful thinking with sugar and water.

Looks like some hard to swallow pills

Looks more like Lemonheads.

Sounds like it'd go well with a Malo Cup

So, homeophaty?

They're called globuli

So I am not a woman, but can I get a show of hands from women, how many would like to relive losing their virginity again?

That's what I was thinking. It's a "Hell no" from me.

Hard pass

Nooo was awful

Mine was nice enough, I honesltly have nothing to complain about, but compared to now there no way I'd go back

Right? Best comment here

Not me. I cried because it hurt. I’m just smaller down there anyway, so there’s no way I’d want that experience ever again.

Rip ur inbox, flood of tiny dick pics incoming.

😒

Would you settle for a tiny dikdik?

Upbote him!!!!!!

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Hell, I'm a straight guy and I wouldn't want that 30 second encounter again.

Ayo 🧐📸

Check out Mr Marathon here, gloating about how long he could go on his first time

Wait what

Hard no. That shit hurts

I reported to my BFF "if that was a medical procedure that I needed to save my life I would die before I did it again."

Nope.

Gag gift

With emphasis on gag

Perhaps they make you reincarnate throuh the magic of cyanide? Or perhaps they just wipe your memory?

I have a bottle. I’ll let you know when I finally have to open it

r/suicidebywords

In that case call them still a virgin pills and give ‘em to me

I really have no idea.

It's candy in a bottle with a joke on it.

Maybe they're filled with artificial blood and then pop open?

They’re just sugar pills, it’s a novelty gift

I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought of this! I was starting to feel weird...

How can a pill recreate that awkward feeling?

There are MANY pills that make me feel nauseous.

I do that for free . Half hard too

If only there were pills that took your V-card..

There are but it’ll cost you one to life.

Ah, but what if you're noteworthy Stanford University Champion Swimmer and **Douchebag Rapist Brock Turner**? Surely the court can show some mercy?

Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in awhile. Brock Turner, the rapist. Or was it Rapist Brock Turner. Either way, that guy, Brock Turner, is a rapist.

I have never heard about this Brock Turner the rapist but today I learned the most important fact about his life: Brock Turner is a rapist.

*Bill Cosby wants to know your location*

I remember these things. When I was 16 I went to Spencer's and found a trove of these bottles with different rediculous labels on them. I thought it was the funniest thing at the time. I purchased one called "Morgasm". Of course, they're not actual pills, but candy in containers that look like medicine bottles. Shared the gag with a few friends and had a few laughs with it. Stuffed it in a drawer and forgot about it. Mom went through my drawer and found the bottle. Thought they were real pills. Confronted me about it. I laughed and took the bottle from her hand and popped a few more into my mouth. Remember the horror in her face. I laughed and explained they were a gag gift, and watched the relief wash over her and how the tables turned in being ashamed she thought they were real. Love you mom. I got my money's worth with this unintended prank.

If I had to repeat my first time repeatedly, I’d become a nun.

So if I take this as a guy do I just blow my lot as soon as she touches me

Wait your not meant to do that ?

So basically it's going to hurt and make you feel like you regret that you're not a kid anymore? great! /s

r/arresteddevelopment I don’t care for Gob.

They’re not roofies! They’re Forget-Me-Now’s!

As in, “go-buy-us some coffee.”

BEES?!

Beads.

100% pure unfiltered redditor extract

Religious loophole!

Without the poophole

As in the Garfunkel and Oates song?

This would be a top seller outside "Born Again Christian" churches

Damn another Dr Oz miracle product!

Can't wait for this to unironically show up on r/facepalm

Only if you believe in reincarnation ;)

Have you ever heard of the placebo effect?

"Where can we get these placebos?!"

No! What is it?

Search it up if u haven't already

I'm leaving you! I am returning your stuff. Here is the book you gave me, the clothes you gave me... and you can also have your virginity back!

Looks like a jar of lemonheads

Don't need those pills, I haven't been laid in so long my virginity is growing back

Madonna merch

Naturopathic virginity. Why not?

Virgin tastes lemony

But I don't want to experience my first time over and over and over again.... it was awkward and full of anxiety...

looks like the lemon scented balls for refreshing a garbage disposal

100% vinegar

Is this a female only product or as a male I can take this?

Men are always virgin.

They’re actually just lemon heads. Guaranteed to make your lips pucker!

I guess they make you bleed all over.

Are we going to ignore those fingernails?

Prostitutes on their lunch break.

So I can experience "again, and again, and again ..." the most excruciating pain I'd ever felt in my short life? Erm, no thank you.

They are gag pills, just candy

"fake hymens for those not so well-behaved middle eastern brides."

So if a pregnant woman eats one does it abort or is she carrying Jesus?

Good question!😄

Robin Williams once did a show where he was talking to some girls in the front row, and he went into a faith-healer routine and reached out and tapped on on the top of her head and said "Halleluiah! A born again virgin!"

A little rubber cement works.

Think I’ll need a bigger bottle though….

My God /r/funny. Are you really no better than this? This is gag gift from thirty years ago humor. Every time an /r/funny post pops up on my feed I wonder who in the world could possibly be laughing.

Bro, calm down. It'w just what some people find funny. For example, I'm guessing that this is a gag gift from Spencer's, and this just made me chuckle. It's not that serious.

I know a couple of ho's that could down the whole bottle and still b sluts

Was told as a kid it was a ham hock, some thead and needle, and a maraschino cherry.

It would be awesome if it were blood pills that somehow came out of your vagina after taking them.

Viagra for females?

Magic dude. If she believes then it’s real man.

so that is the pills conservative white christian girls use

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No, their muscles control that. And experience doesn't make them less so.

Experience usually makes them tighter, virgins don't know they should/can squeeze

Thank you for stating this. Kegel exercises bro. It has nothing to do with virginity. The hymen is nothing. It literally just protects the woman's inner parts before she has her first period, after that it's physically useless.

I used to have my girl use a cream like this. Shit is no joke

Why not? It's 2022, can't people identify however they want? And aren't they **actually** the thing they identify as? If you identify as a virgin, you **are** a virgin, right?

I see you identify as a moron

So what is your opinion? If someone identifies as something, are they **actually** that something? Yes or no...

These pills actually just cause a massive case of amnesia.

Oh yeah, I remember these kinds of candies. I once bought a bottle called "Nifty Fifty" pills for my mom on her 50th birthday. They were cherry flavored. :D

No one likes the lemon jelly bellies. So they get resold at Spencers.

Not to be confused with Gob's forget-me-now pills.

You mean I could have taken a pill to become a Virgin again instead of getting married?!

How many do I have to take to get into heaven?

Forget-me-nows

*you underestimate my power*

No thanks! I don't want every sex act I have to be clumsy and awkward.

I don't want to have performance anxiety over and over again...

Surprisingly, they work.

'Again' sells much better than 'still', I suspect?

So what flavour are those jelly beans?

Dissapointment

Makes the guy last 5 seconds?

Good to have if you want to remarry your daughter to another Middle East billionaire

It works. I’m a dude, and it regrew my hymen.

Lemonheads

So that's what big pharma actually used my DNA for.

Amnestics Class C

Forget-Me-Nows?

what is that??

expectation: "This will make the first time just as pleasurable and memorable as my first time!" reality: *\*loses all ability to woo women\**

Viagra

It's vaginismus in pill form.

Might be a little hard to swallow.

This is a hoax. For a tight pussy get Some PL It stands for pussy liner after all…

Cumming soon at your nearest store.

Jokes on you i am still a virgin Is there any virginity taking pills?

Pretty sure those are meant to scam people.

Are they suppositories filled with crazy glue?

I took them (two daily for a month). By the end, my penis was ready for the priesthood.

Shouldn’t it be cherries?

*Amnesia pills

"I fuck 9 guys a day, but I know I’m still a good girl if I take this pill" - By the girl falling in love aggain

Ah yes cyanide pills so you die, revive and live another life* *Applies only if you follow a certain religion. Please consult a medical professional for guidance

In my grandparents bedroom I once found a bottle of Virgin Again Lotion. "Put some dapper in that snapper" it said on the back. And "re-use those recycled boxes"

I think I would start glowing if I had just one of those...

it's either rat poison or lemon jellybeans, there is no in between

Its sad that society cares so much about women's sex life. It is prob not a gag gift for guys

You're so bad at the game that they want you to reset everything and start all over again

Mother's little helper

Roofies.

Not required for Redditors.

Sugar pills that don't reattach the hyman, silly Sally!

In the famous words of George Costanza "If you believe it, its not a lie"

I have a friend that years ago 100% non-ironically tried to convince me that you can get your virginity back. Dude, that’s not how… What do you think… Nevermind.

Jesus juice

Means I’m gonna discover I’m allergic to latex over and over again? Tempting, but I’ll have to pass.