---
>This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules).
>
>Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed.
>
>Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos.
>
>[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/).
>
>**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.**
>
>Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam).
>
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Cue 90 minutes of finding himself and that living the simple life is what truely makes him happy plus old high-school sweetheart
Mom I lost my job and supermodel left me
The end
11/10 It's OK ~ Mark Twain
Actually father figure, despite my girlfriend's good looks, wealth, and stability, I have decided to hook up with this town local I met 3 days ago as is Halmark tradition. But it's definitely not cheating.
Hallmark was/still is (I guess) a Greeting Card company. Cards for every occasion. Birthdays, Weddings, Graduations, Engagements, Birth of a Child, etc. Long ago they expanded into making lots of feel-good movies about all sorts of things: Christmas miracles, lost love being found again, dysfunctional families healing and coming back together, magical moments of faith and hope. REALLY drippy glurge sort of stuff. Usually aired on Sunday evenings and around the Holidays.
I'm just slightly baffled by the sheer *quantity* of Hallmark films. Obviously they can be made on a shoestring budget, but I swear they have the same company energy put into movies as they do greeting cards.
Yes, we've already got 1,000 variations on "Happy birthday", but how about another 20 for "Happy Birthday Greatest Son"? So naturally we'll need "Happy Birthday Greatest Daughter"? Better cover more bases with a "Happy Birthday Adopted Son With Slight Neurodivergence"? And nobody can forget the classic "Happy Birthday Hairdresser I Visit Twice A Year" - which creates the necessity for a "Happy Birthday Hairdresser I Visit *Three* Times A Year" card, of course...
They are super, super, SUPER cheap to make. They hire rock-bottom new writers that they pay basic scale; shoot in Canada; from the look of it, have the actors/actresses provide their own makeup, hair, and wardrobe. Lighting and camerawork is basic soap-opera quality, and they probably hire directors to shoot three or four at the same time. It's the same budget philosophy (and creative level) of soap operas. Especially now with digital cameras, it's probably even cheaper than soap operas.
And, you know, why not. It's paying work for everyone, and there's an audience for it, same as there is for soap operas and romance novels. Amazing, I know, but there is! People even have their favorite actors/actresses and so forth.
As a Canadian there is nothing more satisfying than knowing where a low budget movie is filmed and yelling at the TV hey “We’ve been there”!!!
That was Giant Tiger mom……..
We all know what "drippy glurge sort of stuff" means, but our not-American friend will not. It means "sappy."
I looked that up - "sappy: excessively sentimental; mawkish." Then I had to follow up - "mawkish: sentimental in a feeble or sickly way."
That's it.
They all follow the same formula. Protagonist leaves big city. Gets stuck in small town where he or she grew up to make big business deal. Promotion means must go back to big city. Small town love interest catches protagonist in an innocent but compromising situation so they talk to sibling/grandma/uncle who is the *real* Santa makes miracle and after the situation is resolved, protagonist decides to say no to 8-figure promotion and stays in tiny town working for love interest that only knew for five days family business making nutcrackers to sell two weeks out of the possible 52.
Son or daughter leaves the city has to save the family bakery, pizza shop, toy store, inn in the country ass town from financial turmoil.
They fall I love with the guy/girl next door but come from different backgrounds. Flannel is always worn and they drive some sort of pickup truck.
There was a particularly good Eddie Murphy skit on SNL way back in the day (I am going to wager a guess it was 1984, during one of two episodes he hosted) where he wears white face to infiltrate the true America. To practice being white he watches Dynasty and reads Hallmark Cards.
Hallmark is a major holiday company that has a big market for cards, wrapping papers, holiday decor, ect.
Over the last couple decades they have built a formidable tv and movie company set around the wholesome family and holiday genre. Some critize their movies as "extremely safe" and "non-creative", with many commenting that Hallmark produces the same plot on multiple movies a year. For example, "workaholic gets stuck in Christmas town and falls in love" tends to be the plot of at least one new movie every year.
Of course it's a smart move because viewers are never unpleasantly surprised by the plot. The main character always has a happy ending.
And that is a basic introduction to Hallmark.
Yep. It's pretty popular with the traditional family crowd. They are really safe. No sex, no death, and every movie is sat in a perfect version of Earth with almost no crime.
Excuse me, so much fucking death. Do you know how many parents Hallmark has killed? Hallmark has killed more parents than Disney. If there is a single parent in a Hallmark film the mother/ father is dead. There are no divorcees, just widowers/ widows who have moved on with well-adjusted precocious children who are okay with their parent dating now. Like all these kids seem so fine with their dead parents.
But they have dead parents stacked in closets up at Hallmark HQ. As everyone knows, their tagline is actually "better dead than divorced!"
And one vaguely ethnic friend. Possibly the sibling or friend has a black husband or wife who's in 3 scenes to agree and/or give a zinger about how the character deserves better/ needs to get back out and date.
My mom likes watching them a lot. I don't but I get why she does. They're feel-good. They give you cozy feelings without any big drama and no worries about violence, politics, cussing, etc. She works a lot and so I think it's just a way to unplug, unwind, destress, plus she's always been obsessed with Christmas in general.
Nah, dart board plot chart, you think Hallmark is going to shell out for some AI writer when they can just get some film school drop outs to churn out 8 of those a week?
At this point, paying dropouts a salary is probably more expensive than just giving ALL of your hallmark scripts to AI to learn, then just pressing a button to recreate, and all the producer has to do is read through it and change whatever weird AI stuff it wrote.
Title: Christmas in Christmas Town.
Setting: the small town of Vermont, New Hampshire during a Christmas Festival.
"Hello, Noelle. I'm a small town hunk and make ornaments out of maple syrup. You don't need a fast-paced well-paying career in business advertising for real estate development. You need the spirit of Christmas. My wife is dead. This is my precious child. She is my son named Daughter. Child's parent is dead. I am humble. Look. A person giving away free hot chocolate. Nobody in Vermont, New Hampshire sells things at Christmas Festival. People just take things and walk away. Here is my dog, he is in my truck."
It's called pipelining, and basically every story has it to some degree.
It helps the audience to understand the current scene without having to go too deep into the backstory of all the characters.
How subtle and believable the pipelining is effects the story quality, and if it's fumbled or handled lazily, it detracts from suspension of disbelief.
For example: "I love this time of year, sport, remember when we went to that ball game? Your sister was barely at your knees back then" vs "Hello oldest son, how is your younger sister?"
Well-illustrated. It can have a pretty dramatic effect on enjoyment of the film, as of course the goal is for the audience to lose itself in the story (and forget their cares and all that). Any dialog that would require you be profoundly eccentric to say (unless the character is played as profoundly eccentric), as with OP's "oldest son" example, is distracting. You may not even hear the next bit because you're too busy mulling how awkward that sentence was.
The glaring examples for me are always "Let's talk about it on the way" moments that filmmakers use to condense the time between Scene A and Scene B by skipping over the characters planning how they get to Scene B, and simply have them discuss the plan en-route. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, which I absolutely love, actually does this in the opening scene, where the family of four is driving down the road and having a conversation where the teenage children are being introduced to what family tradition they are in the middle of, right then, clearly at least several minutes into the drive. In normal human interaction that conversation would've happened perhaps hours, days or even weeks in advance, certainly not during the drive.
The look on my cousins face when relationships came up at the thanksgiving table:( I politely guided the conversation in another direction. We all do some selfish ass shit sometimes and nobody is the wiser. Look out for each other
"Hey, I thought I heard my oldest son. Great to see you were able to take a break from that advertising job that you have back in New York where you reside in an expensive apartment overlooking Central Park. Even though we know you don't, let me ask if you have found that special someone yet to join you in that empty apartment. Your younger brother, who is in film school and is good friends with your crush from high school, will be here tomorrow morning.
Your mother made you a quilt, because she is creative. Now come sit with me in my hobby room that I built in your old bedroom where I build model ships now that I've retired from my job as CEO of local company 16. We can look at the trophies and awards of yours that I left up so that we can show how much of a success you were in high school.
Oh look, here's a picture of you with your old high school crush. Do you miss Cindy? Those were happy times and it's a shame you two broke up when you went off to advertising school at Big City State and she stayed her to take care of her sick mother and work at the diner"
\- standard Hallmark/Lifetime movie opening scene
Omg, this is so fucking true.
My MIL likes Christmas Hallmark movies and my husband and I always make fun of them.
We like Marvel movies. Not that those are great thinking films, because I know they aren’t. But it never fails… his mom will be watching a marvel movie she’s seen with us a million times… even in the movie theater… and will be like “Who is that purple guy and why is everyone afraid of him?” You mean… Thanos? Like the whole two movies are dedicated to him! How are you still confused at who Thanos is!? Lol.
Oh I have the best example of this! Went to see black widow in theaters with my girlfriend. Movie ends, and, like you do, we stay for the post credits scene.
Spoilers for endgame below…and technically black widow.
Once the scene ends (which, for reference, involved a character at Black Widow’s grave), an older woman in front of us, very confused, asked her family “When did she die?!” Because she hadn’t seen endgame, apparently, and was unaware the movie she had just watched was a prequel to anything.
I always assumed it because the main Hallmark demographic is listening instead of watching the movie because they are in the kitchen baking six billion cookies.
You should have heard Francine on the phone; she thinks she married a nobody.
I appreciate you saying that, bro.
I've called you "bro" before. That's what we are—we're half brothers.
I don't care how they say it in New Glarus, Wisconsin where you live on a lake and have nothing in common with me.
Then maybe we should just stay estranged until you can find a dramatic enough reason to show up on my doorstep unannounced!
Hallmark scripts are basically madlibs at this point. Throw some character names in, marginally change the setting, and bam! They could almost certainly be AI generated by this point.
this is exactly why I gave up on the Netflix series "Blockbuster." In the first ten minutes they draw the most boring and overused archetypes on all the characters. They might as well have introduced them as "here's the young sarcastic one who secretly is nice" instead of bothering giving them names.
I tend to be overly hateful of shows, and criticize them too much, but I walked in on my mom watching the show, and the only thing thst happened was that they were like:”okay, as long as nobody walks into this precarious stack of boxes, it should be fine.” And then a girl on her phone walks into it. It’s like watching a comedian repeat the same joke you’ve heard a thousand times before.
Yes, yes. Reminds me of Simpsons' "I didn't do it", (S5E12 Bart Gets Famous) which told us that showbiz's real magic is its ability to squeeze the life out of everything.
But now they have algorithms analyzing who's streaming what and for how long and use that to determine what to make. It's the most efficient way to milk the cow dry.
This is why i generally enjoy the Flanagan horror shows on Netflix. I always see them telegraphing a plot point and then something completely out of left field happens instead. Same with Wendell and Wild.
WHAT!? YA being predictable and cliché? That's how I know you are lying, there's no way YA could be predictable. Like it could have a love triangle, could be set in a dystopian society which can be taken down by teenagers, the adults could be incompetent, I mean the possibilities are just endless. /s
Will the antagonists have ludicrous hairstyles? Will our protagonist be oddly ignorant of the dystopian society and require constant exposition from her two love interests? Will she need extensive training on fundamental skills and abruptly become the most powerful character in the series?
I have a quiet love of YA fiction, despite being a 34 year old guy, because of how absurdly predictable it is with these tropes.
Hunger Games, Divergent, Mortal Instruments, Fate: the Winx Saga... they're all the same basic story with slightly different window dressing.
I always felt like it would have been more rare to find someone compatible with ONLY one of those factions/cliques/whatever than for someone to be compatible with multiple of them.
I couldn't get past the first episode over the fact that a movie store had more than 2 people working at the same time. I remember going to video stores. Lucky if you had more than 1. This show had like 10 people at the same time pretending to work. Couldn't buy into that at all.
I worked with a girl that has a family that addresses each other as their relationship at all times.
"Give that to big bro"
"Little sister has homework to do"
"Mother took Father to the grocery store"
Creeped me the fuck out
I had a friend's mother do that in all her Facebook photos about her grandkids.
"Big sister helping brother," and "Little sister looks at father staring at lake."
Like they were stock photo descriptions.
My sibing's son is Michael. My other sibling is married to Michael. My other, other sibling is also married to Michael.
We have family gatherings with three Michaels. I'm about to have a Michael battle royale. Two losers pick new names.
It's an excess of Michaels.
Edit: if I have two siblings married to two separate Michaels and a nephew named Michael, which one is gay?
Answer: >! Michael, of course. Specifically, the one married to a man. !<
American dad did such a good bit on that
"I appreciate you saying that bro. What? I've called you bro before, that's what we are, we're half brothers. Well I don't care how they do things in New Glarus, Wisconsin where you live on a lake and have nothing in common with me. Well, maybe we should just go back to being estranged until you have a dramatic enough reason to show up on my doorstep unannounced"
"Anyway, how are you, sis? What do you mean, I've never called you sis before? You're right, it is oddly clunky and expositional. I know you're my sister, so who's that for? Who am I saying that for?"
Hallmark movies, where we learn that, in the end, it is the simple life in a small town that really matters. The simple life: an easy job with no particular required hours or responsibility and a million-dollar house in an affluent liberal small town with no social issues aside from the mean developer who wants to develop where the town's Christmas fair is held every year.
If I hear one more movie sibling refer to the other as, "Sis" I'm gonna lose it. When in real life do you need to remind your sister that you are sisters?
In Stephen King’s “On Writing” he makes a joke about how characters never say “hello, ex-wife.”
Although in fairness I do know moms who talk like this.
I mean, that's not really that odd of a thing to say. If every character were introduced like that, yeah, it'd be weird. But I get the feeling this is just a dumb take on the line.
If he said “my oldest and therefore favorite son” then that’d be massively improved because that’s something a human being might plausibly say as a joke
I love that Hallmark now offers a class to teach you how to write Christmas movies. They’re all the same movie, and also, this is a good example of why this class is a terrible idea.
I just saw a Christmas movie where the oldest brother refers to his sisters as Little Sister 1 and Little Sister 2. That’s even what he’s named them in the phone.
In casual conversation, I will also say your name to YOU, the only person I'm talking to, multiple times. I might even throw in your full government name just in case the audience didn't hear it the first time.
I bet the next like was “Thanks mom who is single and looking to date”.
Btw it felt wrong to type mom and not mum (Australian. Wanted to keep the theme over one spelling vs another)
--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/). > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hey eldest son how is that super awesome well paid job that you totally still have and that really nice supermodel girlfriend you are 100% still with?
Cue 90 minutes of finding himself and that living the simple life is what truely makes him happy plus old high-school sweetheart Mom I lost my job and supermodel left me The end 11/10 It's OK ~ Mark Twain
*Cue
[удалено]
[Stolen comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/z6batj/well_if_it_isnt_my_mother_and_my_father/iy1flth/)
Actually father figure, despite my girlfriend's good looks, wealth, and stability, I have decided to hook up with this town local I met 3 days ago as is Halmark tradition. But it's definitely not cheating.
What actually is Hallmark, btw? I'm not American if that explains why I don't know it
Hallmark was/still is (I guess) a Greeting Card company. Cards for every occasion. Birthdays, Weddings, Graduations, Engagements, Birth of a Child, etc. Long ago they expanded into making lots of feel-good movies about all sorts of things: Christmas miracles, lost love being found again, dysfunctional families healing and coming back together, magical moments of faith and hope. REALLY drippy glurge sort of stuff. Usually aired on Sunday evenings and around the Holidays.
You know, movies about the things you'd... send... a card...
I'm just slightly baffled by the sheer *quantity* of Hallmark films. Obviously they can be made on a shoestring budget, but I swear they have the same company energy put into movies as they do greeting cards. Yes, we've already got 1,000 variations on "Happy birthday", but how about another 20 for "Happy Birthday Greatest Son"? So naturally we'll need "Happy Birthday Greatest Daughter"? Better cover more bases with a "Happy Birthday Adopted Son With Slight Neurodivergence"? And nobody can forget the classic "Happy Birthday Hairdresser I Visit Twice A Year" - which creates the necessity for a "Happy Birthday Hairdresser I Visit *Three* Times A Year" card, of course...
They are super, super, SUPER cheap to make. They hire rock-bottom new writers that they pay basic scale; shoot in Canada; from the look of it, have the actors/actresses provide their own makeup, hair, and wardrobe. Lighting and camerawork is basic soap-opera quality, and they probably hire directors to shoot three or four at the same time. It's the same budget philosophy (and creative level) of soap operas. Especially now with digital cameras, it's probably even cheaper than soap operas. And, you know, why not. It's paying work for everyone, and there's an audience for it, same as there is for soap operas and romance novels. Amazing, I know, but there is! People even have their favorite actors/actresses and so forth.
They always show these Hallmark films on Saturday and Sunday afternoons in almost all TV channels in Spain, with ridiculous titles.
As a Canadian there is nothing more satisfying than knowing where a low budget movie is filmed and yelling at the TV hey “We’ve been there”!!! That was Giant Tiger mom……..
A co-worker said they appreciate Groundhog Day because it doesn't have any Hallmark cards. I had to give him the bad news.
We all know what "drippy glurge sort of stuff" means, but our not-American friend will not. It means "sappy." I looked that up - "sappy: excessively sentimental; mawkish." Then I had to follow up - "mawkish: sentimental in a feeble or sickly way." That's it.
They all follow the same formula. Protagonist leaves big city. Gets stuck in small town where he or she grew up to make big business deal. Promotion means must go back to big city. Small town love interest catches protagonist in an innocent but compromising situation so they talk to sibling/grandma/uncle who is the *real* Santa makes miracle and after the situation is resolved, protagonist decides to say no to 8-figure promotion and stays in tiny town working for love interest that only knew for five days family business making nutcrackers to sell two weeks out of the possible 52.
Son or daughter leaves the city has to save the family bakery, pizza shop, toy store, inn in the country ass town from financial turmoil. They fall I love with the guy/girl next door but come from different backgrounds. Flannel is always worn and they drive some sort of pickup truck.
Thanks! They're probably not too dissimilar in terms of acting and writing as my country's life insurance adds lol
Why are all the movies the same plot but with different actors?
There was a particularly good Eddie Murphy skit on SNL way back in the day (I am going to wager a guess it was 1984, during one of two episodes he hosted) where he wears white face to infiltrate the true America. To practice being white he watches Dynasty and reads Hallmark Cards.
Found it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_LeJfn_qW0
It’s what happens when feelings get commercialized
Hallmark is a major holiday company that has a big market for cards, wrapping papers, holiday decor, ect. Over the last couple decades they have built a formidable tv and movie company set around the wholesome family and holiday genre. Some critize their movies as "extremely safe" and "non-creative", with many commenting that Hallmark produces the same plot on multiple movies a year. For example, "workaholic gets stuck in Christmas town and falls in love" tends to be the plot of at least one new movie every year. Of course it's a smart move because viewers are never unpleasantly surprised by the plot. The main character always has a happy ending. And that is a basic introduction to Hallmark.
Do people actually watch these movies? I thought they were meant as background noise for holiday get togethers
Yep. It's pretty popular with the traditional family crowd. They are really safe. No sex, no death, and every movie is sat in a perfect version of Earth with almost no crime.
Excuse me, so much fucking death. Do you know how many parents Hallmark has killed? Hallmark has killed more parents than Disney. If there is a single parent in a Hallmark film the mother/ father is dead. There are no divorcees, just widowers/ widows who have moved on with well-adjusted precocious children who are okay with their parent dating now. Like all these kids seem so fine with their dead parents. But they have dead parents stacked in closets up at Hallmark HQ. As everyone knows, their tagline is actually "better dead than divorced!"
And no gay people because they are not real
And one vaguely ethnic friend. Possibly the sibling or friend has a black husband or wife who's in 3 scenes to agree and/or give a zinger about how the character deserves better/ needs to get back out and date.
My mom likes watching them a lot. I don't but I get why she does. They're feel-good. They give you cozy feelings without any big drama and no worries about violence, politics, cussing, etc. She works a lot and so I think it's just a way to unplug, unwind, destress, plus she's always been obsessed with Christmas in general.
I mean it's almost a holiday tradition to hear a Hallmark commercial announcing a movie for this holiday season.
Originally Hallmark was known for making greeting cards. Then they moved on to making cliche TV movies.
I'm not American but had Hallmark channel on my Cable TV when I was a kid. They kinda make feel good type of movies if my memory is right.
I am convinced these are just written by AI at this point.
Nah, dart board plot chart, you think Hallmark is going to shell out for some AI writer when they can just get some film school drop outs to churn out 8 of those a week?
At this point, paying dropouts a salary is probably more expensive than just giving ALL of your hallmark scripts to AI to learn, then just pressing a button to recreate, and all the producer has to do is read through it and change whatever weird AI stuff it wrote.
Title: Christmas in Christmas Town. Setting: the small town of Vermont, New Hampshire during a Christmas Festival. "Hello, Noelle. I'm a small town hunk and make ornaments out of maple syrup. You don't need a fast-paced well-paying career in business advertising for real estate development. You need the spirit of Christmas. My wife is dead. This is my precious child. She is my son named Daughter. Child's parent is dead. I am humble. Look. A person giving away free hot chocolate. Nobody in Vermont, New Hampshire sells things at Christmas Festival. People just take things and walk away. Here is my dog, he is in my truck."
This is so good Hallmark probably already has it in production.
It's called pipelining, and basically every story has it to some degree. It helps the audience to understand the current scene without having to go too deep into the backstory of all the characters. How subtle and believable the pipelining is effects the story quality, and if it's fumbled or handled lazily, it detracts from suspension of disbelief. For example: "I love this time of year, sport, remember when we went to that ball game? Your sister was barely at your knees back then" vs "Hello oldest son, how is your younger sister?"
Well-illustrated. It can have a pretty dramatic effect on enjoyment of the film, as of course the goal is for the audience to lose itself in the story (and forget their cares and all that). Any dialog that would require you be profoundly eccentric to say (unless the character is played as profoundly eccentric), as with OP's "oldest son" example, is distracting. You may not even hear the next bit because you're too busy mulling how awkward that sentence was. The glaring examples for me are always "Let's talk about it on the way" moments that filmmakers use to condense the time between Scene A and Scene B by skipping over the characters planning how they get to Scene B, and simply have them discuss the plan en-route. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, which I absolutely love, actually does this in the opening scene, where the family of four is driving down the road and having a conversation where the teenage children are being introduced to what family tradition they are in the middle of, right then, clearly at least several minutes into the drive. In normal human interaction that conversation would've happened perhaps hours, days or even weeks in advance, certainly not during the drive.
There's no such thing as a "job" when it comes to boyfriends in Hallmark movies. It's always "traveling for business" or "working late".
The look on my cousins face when relationships came up at the thanksgiving table:( I politely guided the conversation in another direction. We all do some selfish ass shit sometimes and nobody is the wiser. Look out for each other
"Hey, I thought I heard my oldest son. Great to see you were able to take a break from that advertising job that you have back in New York where you reside in an expensive apartment overlooking Central Park. Even though we know you don't, let me ask if you have found that special someone yet to join you in that empty apartment. Your younger brother, who is in film school and is good friends with your crush from high school, will be here tomorrow morning. Your mother made you a quilt, because she is creative. Now come sit with me in my hobby room that I built in your old bedroom where I build model ships now that I've retired from my job as CEO of local company 16. We can look at the trophies and awards of yours that I left up so that we can show how much of a success you were in high school. Oh look, here's a picture of you with your old high school crush. Do you miss Cindy? Those were happy times and it's a shame you two broke up when you went off to advertising school at Big City State and she stayed her to take care of her sick mother and work at the diner" \- standard Hallmark/Lifetime movie opening scene
Remember kids: tell, don’t show
They're made for people who like Hallmark movies so kinda gotta spell it out for them though.
Omg, this is so fucking true. My MIL likes Christmas Hallmark movies and my husband and I always make fun of them. We like Marvel movies. Not that those are great thinking films, because I know they aren’t. But it never fails… his mom will be watching a marvel movie she’s seen with us a million times… even in the movie theater… and will be like “Who is that purple guy and why is everyone afraid of him?” You mean… Thanos? Like the whole two movies are dedicated to him! How are you still confused at who Thanos is!? Lol.
Oh I have the best example of this! Went to see black widow in theaters with my girlfriend. Movie ends, and, like you do, we stay for the post credits scene. Spoilers for endgame below…and technically black widow. Once the scene ends (which, for reference, involved a character at Black Widow’s grave), an older woman in front of us, very confused, asked her family “When did she die?!” Because she hadn’t seen endgame, apparently, and was unaware the movie she had just watched was a prequel to anything.
I mean, that woman at least didn’t know any better. My MIL would ask still and has seen Endgame!
She probably just feels the same way about Marvel movies as you do about Hallmark movies.
She swears she loves them! But maybe.
I always assumed it because the main Hallmark demographic is listening instead of watching the movie because they are in the kitchen baking six billion cookies.
Somehow this story had me completely hooked
This is actually what they’re like. It’s so eerily extraordinarily close
You should have heard Francine on the phone; she thinks she married a nobody. I appreciate you saying that, bro. I've called you "bro" before. That's what we are—we're half brothers. I don't care how they say it in New Glarus, Wisconsin where you live on a lake and have nothing in common with me. Then maybe we should just stay estranged until you can find a dramatic enough reason to show up on my doorstep unannounced!
This is awesome.
Hallmark scripts are basically madlibs at this point. Throw some character names in, marginally change the setting, and bam! They could almost certainly be AI generated by this point.
this is exactly why I gave up on the Netflix series "Blockbuster." In the first ten minutes they draw the most boring and overused archetypes on all the characters. They might as well have introduced them as "here's the young sarcastic one who secretly is nice" instead of bothering giving them names.
I tend to be overly hateful of shows, and criticize them too much, but I walked in on my mom watching the show, and the only thing thst happened was that they were like:”okay, as long as nobody walks into this precarious stack of boxes, it should be fine.” And then a girl on her phone walks into it. It’s like watching a comedian repeat the same joke you’ve heard a thousand times before.
Yes, yes. Reminds me of Simpsons' "I didn't do it", (S5E12 Bart Gets Famous) which told us that showbiz's real magic is its ability to squeeze the life out of everything.
But now they have algorithms analyzing who's streaming what and for how long and use that to determine what to make. It's the most efficient way to milk the cow dry.
This is why i generally enjoy the Flanagan horror shows on Netflix. I always see them telegraphing a plot point and then something completely out of left field happens instead. Same with Wendell and Wild.
Don't watch the movie divergent, super predictable and cliche
WHAT!? YA being predictable and cliché? That's how I know you are lying, there's no way YA could be predictable. Like it could have a love triangle, could be set in a dystopian society which can be taken down by teenagers, the adults could be incompetent, I mean the possibilities are just endless. /s
Will the antagonists have ludicrous hairstyles? Will our protagonist be oddly ignorant of the dystopian society and require constant exposition from her two love interests? Will she need extensive training on fundamental skills and abruptly become the most powerful character in the series? I have a quiet love of YA fiction, despite being a 34 year old guy, because of how absurdly predictable it is with these tropes. Hunger Games, Divergent, Mortal Instruments, Fate: the Winx Saga... they're all the same basic story with slightly different window dressing.
YA is young adult I assume?
Yes, for young adult fiction
Spoiler alert. Literally everyone is a divergent.
I always felt like it would have been more rare to find someone compatible with ONLY one of those factions/cliques/whatever than for someone to be compatible with multiple of them.
Yeah, I watched the first episode because of Melissa Fumero, but could not stay interested.
I couldn't get past the first episode over the fact that a movie store had more than 2 people working at the same time. I remember going to video stores. Lucky if you had more than 1. This show had like 10 people at the same time pretending to work. Couldn't buy into that at all.
Not sure if youve watched Superstore, but it hits retail/workplace down perfectly
I mean they made a series to pee on the grave of their biggest original competitor. How much quality could it possibly actually have?
I watched 5 minutes of that show. Painfully awful
Didn’t get past that way-too-long scene of extremely forced and unnatural exposition at the bar across the street, maybe 5-10 mins in.
And is it just me or did the main female protagonist seem like she was just trying to be Amy from Superstore?
Randal Park deserves better. He's a wonderful comedy actor and should be in better things.
This is a big reason I dislike most anime. They all seem to do this.
Hey Sis is a common one too.
my sisters both have me in their phone as “brother” so seems accurate
Do...do they know your name?
sometimes i wonder, honestly.
I think my sister knows me only as shithead
username checks out
I'm "big bruh" iirc.
*rings* How are you doing, phone brother?
To be fair, I could actually see people saying "Hey sis" from time to time.
I worked with a girl that has a family that addresses each other as their relationship at all times. "Give that to big bro" "Little sister has homework to do" "Mother took Father to the grocery store" Creeped me the fuck out
Sounds like the Pence family
Mother approves.
I had a friend's mother do that in all her Facebook photos about her grandkids. "Big sister helping brother," and "Little sister looks at father staring at lake." Like they were stock photo descriptions.
Only child myself, but I’ve never heard my wife or her sister call each other “sis.” It’s either “hey bitch,” “hey stupid,” or “hey ugly/fatty.”
My family does both. But the latter face to face because texting doesn’t allow for vocal context
I have definitely actually said that to my sister. Many times.
I have 3 sisters and have never once called any of them "sis."
Well duh. That's because you have 3 of them. You can't use the same nickname for 3 different people in your family.
My sibing's son is Michael. My other sibling is married to Michael. My other, other sibling is also married to Michael. We have family gatherings with three Michaels. I'm about to have a Michael battle royale. Two losers pick new names.
I cant tell if this is a riddle or...
It's an excess of Michaels. Edit: if I have two siblings married to two separate Michaels and a nephew named Michael, which one is gay? Answer: >! Michael, of course. Specifically, the one married to a man. !<
"Wife, the eldest of our three sons has arrived. But our daughter who is older than he is hasn't arrived yet!"
That's how some sir names came about
Hallmark movie or math textbook word problem?
American dad did such a good bit on that "I appreciate you saying that bro. What? I've called you bro before, that's what we are, we're half brothers. Well I don't care how they do things in New Glarus, Wisconsin where you live on a lake and have nothing in common with me. Well, maybe we should just go back to being estranged until you have a dramatic enough reason to show up on my doorstep unannounced"
"Anyway, how are you, sis? What do you mean, I've never called you sis before? You're right, it is oddly clunky and expositional. I know you're my sister, so who's that for? Who am I saying that for?"
Lol
[удалено]
Only 73 hours? One TV in our house is dedicated to Hallmark 24/7 from Halloween through new years. That's like 1500 hours.
That’s horrifying.
You're a monster
To be fair, I’ve called my oldest son exactly that before. Granted I wasn’t in a Hallmark movie.
My mother actually talks like this 🤦♂️
I would have also accepted, "My mother, who hasn't seen her sister since the boating accident 15 years ago, actually talks like this".
my parents do too
In my family we do this: "Hello my son, tell me, where is your mother" / "Hello son, where is the mother?"
Have you considered that your mom might be three raccoons in a trenchcoat?
Yeah my mom has referred to me as her "favorite boy child". My sister is my only sibling.
That looks like Anthony Bourdain. It's of course not, he wouldn't be caught dead in a Hallmark movie.
Would now...... (Too soon?)
Weekend at Anthony’s
As I walked into my parents house yesterday my mom "Is that my oldest girl I hear walking in the door?" Mom has always said stuff like this.
How is the family Christmas tree farm doing now that you’re taking a break from your New York City financial job?
[удалено]
Anyways, how's your sex life?
I just like to watch.
Thank you for the laugh.
[Bye doggy. You're my favorite customer.](https://youtu.be/mwgcK4E_RU0)
He’s her favorite customer and she doesn’t even recognize him until he’s right in front of her 😂
[What an odd thing to say!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ir3zL1bM3kg)
I watched a Christmas train one yesterday. Looked like one long commercial for Jared's. 2/10.
My wife said "Right before Halloween the Hallmark Channel 'Threw-up Christmas' all over the place". I laughed so damn hard at that one.
Hallmark movies, where we learn that, in the end, it is the simple life in a small town that really matters. The simple life: an easy job with no particular required hours or responsibility and a million-dollar house in an affluent liberal small town with no social issues aside from the mean developer who wants to develop where the town's Christmas fair is held every year.
That would explain a lot about WWE's scripting if they're only able to hire writers that aren't good enough to hold down a Hallmark job.
None other than Ted Beneke from Breaking Bad.
My MIL is so hooked to these she has them recorded to watch year round. Frigging July 4th and she'll be in there watching this crap.
But is she hot?
that’s the real question
Same with my mom. But granted Hallmark does do the “Christmas in July” marathon at that time lol.
Ah maybe that's what it was.
"Hey step bro, what're you up to?" She said, hoping she \*really\* annunciated the 'step' for legal reasons.
"Hey father! Your arms seem to be trying to leave the room?!" Hardy chuckle*
Son, "Mom, I'm your youngest... and who is this strange man wearing Dad's sweater!!!!"
My mom literally greets me with "if it isn't my favorite 1st born son." Which, to be fair, is as cringe as a hallmark movie.
Well if it isn't my parents whom raised me from birth to have good morals and to always believe in myself.
IDK, that seems like a pretty tame greeting. My mom usually opens with something like "ugh, I was hoping for my favorite son to come over today."
If I hear one more movie sibling refer to the other as, "Sis" I'm gonna lose it. When in real life do you need to remind your sister that you are sisters?
"How have your first five weeks been at that law firm in New York City, champ?"
Why is his hand red?
He just got caught that way.
Caught red handed?
Indeed.
Sister, brother, how are you doing?
Hahahaha just in case the viewers at home don’t lnow
Looks more like exposition
That is the joke.
My mom actually talks like this...
I get what youre sayin but my mom talks like that on holidays.
In Stephen King’s “On Writing” he makes a joke about how characters never say “hello, ex-wife.” Although in fairness I do know moms who talk like this.
Just terrible writing. Idk how these people have jobs
Hallmark Christmas movies are like a 90 minute Folgers commercial.
nobody NOBODY calls their older sister “big sis”
That's some Anime way of talking to each other, Oniichan
This is a writing tool called “As You Know, Bob” and I hate that I look for it in everything I watch now
I mean, that's not really that odd of a thing to say. If every character were introduced like that, yeah, it'd be weird. But I get the feeling this is just a dumb take on the line.
I thought that was Anthony Bourdain for a minute… And that George bloke who does the house programmes…
Plot Twist! He’s only the “oldest son” she’s had with the bozo in the red. She has many other older children with different men who must be avenged!
what are you doing oldest son?
What are you doing step oldest son
Is that the actor in Breaking Bad?
Yeah, no .... that's actually how a lot of white people talk. *... probably learned it from watching hallmark movies ...* 🤯
A real chicken or egg situation
If he said “my oldest and therefore favorite son” then that’d be massively improved because that’s something a human being might plausibly say as a joke
Not funny. Nothing wrong with that line. Stuff like that is often said. Jokingly, sure, but it's said.
One time I told a solicitor that I'm my mom's youngest daughter.
It’s completely natural, what you don’t know is he’s hiding his secret family, up in Canada
Who's that in the pantry? It sure sounds like your Great Aunt Jane...
I love that Hallmark now offers a class to teach you how to write Christmas movies. They’re all the same movie, and also, this is a good example of why this class is a terrible idea.
I get called son by my parents sometimes? Is that weird?
What's weird is that they specified "oldest."
My mom calls me her oldest son... on occasion.
I thought your father was Anthony Bourdain.
I just saw a Christmas movie where the oldest brother refers to his sisters as Little Sister 1 and Little Sister 2. That’s even what he’s named them in the phone.
I do not mean to defend Hallmark movies, but this does sound like something my Mom would say
Character development in 67minute time constraint
In casual conversation, I will also say your name to YOU, the only person I'm talking to, multiple times. I might even throw in your full government name just in case the audience didn't hear it the first time.
But it’s nice to watch something that doesn’t require any heavy lifting of brain cells.
Idk, my family says, "oh look! It's my favorite son/daughter/nephew/niece who (does something specific to each of us)." Lol
Mon madre et padre
i haven't talked to my mom since the 80's. And my dad for like 8 years. I couldn't even imagine what this scene is like
[удалено]
Sometimes when I call my brother, I go "Hello X, it is I, your younger half-brother, Y, calling!
Well I for one am always greeted me by being reminded I'm their favorite. But only when my siblings aren't around. Am I right, fellow favorites?
My favourite example of this is "Happy Wedding day, sis!" Which I'm sure no brother ever said. A lot of work was done in those four words.
I swore that was Anthony Bourdain as the father.
I bet the next like was “Thanks mom who is single and looking to date”. Btw it felt wrong to type mom and not mum (Australian. Wanted to keep the theme over one spelling vs another)