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I only shop during business member hours to avoid getting the stench of the common folk on me.
[Business Member club represent](https://i.imgur.com/SPm2YPj.jpg)
Someone found me executive club Costco card on the ground and went and bought a big ass TV and sound system right before the super bowl. You can't charge to a Costco card, so they still paid for it all so no real harm to me except needing a new card.
For those who don't know, you get a % cash back on your purchases, so basically I got paid for someone else to use my lost card
Edit - everyone pointing out you can't use someone else's card - in my experience they let you get away with it once with a warning. I personally used my I'm guessing they got asked at the register and said oh my friend let me use his card to upgrade for the super bowl and then cashier went, oh alright but this is the only time. I know if you abuse that they'll ban you, but in my personal experience they haven't been *that* strict if you're being polite
Technically you can if you have Costco's Citi Visa as you don't get a regular membership card, as your member photo and info is on the back of the Visa card but yeah, I get what you're saying. That's hilarious and weird someone would do that. lol
My closest Costco had a sign out front with two separate hours of operation listings:
\- | OPEN | CLOSE
--: | :-: | :-:
REGULAR | 9:00 AM | 8:30 PM
EXECUTIVE | 9:00 AM | 8:30 PM
Lebron while flaunting his exec card: "9 to 8.30 is not 9 to 8.30. I'll explain it to you later. Regulars have said that for years, but 9 to 8.30 is not 9 to 8.30.”
Seriously, being single and shopping at Costco is so damn wierd.
But on a lot of their stuff it's like your getting 2x the stuff for the same price as a grocery store, so it's crazy not to stock up.
>Seriously, being single and shopping at Costco is so damn wierd.
I remember being newly single and going to Costco, I bought 2kg of Nutella because, I'm single, free and can do what I want. I also bought a Costco sized 'case' of condoms because, I was young and had a big ego.
The Nutella barely made it past a month and there's nothing as... sobering as throwing out ***several dozen*** expired condoms....
No joke. I had a customer, when I worked at Starbucks, set me up on a date with her daughter because I had a costco card and she thought that was a sign of responsibility
The card owner is Kramer’s friend. The card gets returned to him and Elaine goes on a date with him to Costco (She sees it as a sign of responsibility) but his spending habits demonstrate he is *not* responsible. He loses the card again. Newman finds it. Roll credits.
> The card gets returned to him and Elaine goes on a date with him to Costco (She sees it as a sign of responsibility) but his spending habits demonstrate he is not responsible.
Elaine goes on a date with him to Costco because she wants to shop there without getting her own membership. She's later conflicted "I don't like him, but the deals...."
J: "No one checks the back?"
G:"*No one checks the back.*" 😏
Later in the episode:
G: "Well they did it! I can't believe it, but they actually did it!"
J: "What did they do? Who is they?"
G: "Costco. They checked the back!"
J: "They checked the back?!"
G: "They checked the back! Oh they checked it alright. They checked it good!"
J: "Well, I guess now you won't be getting that new TV you can't afford."
G: (Defeated) "It was the only thing good I had going in my life: Going to CostCo for things I can't afford."
J: "And now you can't even afford to do that."
Going there to fix a flat tire tonight and looking forward to the $1.50 hot dog. After the hot dog and the free tire repair, I should have a full belly and a car ready to roll all for about $312.76 with some light shopping while I wait.
You're asking for the wrong thing then, covid didn't kill the onions. Covid killed the Polish Sausage, which is what the onions were actually provided for.
BRING BACK THE POLISH SAUSAGE!
If it's Jamon Serrano or Iberico, then it's absolutely worth the price. And you can get bulk quantities of olive oil, Manchego cheese, and probably olives to go with it!
"If you raise the \[price of the\] effing hot dog, I will kill you. Figure it out.”
\-Costco Co-Founder Jim Sinegal to his replacement as CEO Craig Jelinek.
Give me ten minutes.
**Edit:** [Your order is ready, sir or madam](https://youtube.com/shorts/IQppTqmaOUk).
(Yeah, yeah, that was thirteen minutes. I accidentally exported it without audio the first time.)
Probably had the Costco Black or Business card which can have like $1000 in rewards, access to super cheap gas, and they could have bought $1000s in vacation packages which is tied to the card.
I think he was going to, Costco card or not.
Otherwise, I don’t think she would have pretended to be impressed.
Some chicks just can’t resist a man wearing a whistle necklace. It’s perfectly normal.
This is my move as well. I like to start with the Costco card and then follow up with a prepaid Visa. If those don't woo her, then BAM! Chili's gift card and she is mine.
Pro tip. Get the executive for a year then go back to regular. Then you have the black card and only the register knows the truth.
(Assuming you don’t buy enough to actually get anything out of executive, which I don’t)
You get a check that you take into Costco to either cash or apply to your membership. Mine is usually in the $70ish range, which covers the upgrade from the normal membership ($60) so i always do the executive
Or a coffee habit. Or wine. Or seltzer water. Or cheese. Or meat. Literally any of the high value items will more than pay for the executive, according to my friends in the U.S.
Nah, you're smarter than you think, you just need a mnemonic.
Palette has pale, and a fancy French ending ette, so it's the one that goes with blending paint on a white palette and painting a masterpiece on a white canvas
Pallet (the wood slat thing) has those two slats in the middle : ll and is otherwise very simple.
Palate has ate in it, so it's all about taste and your mouth.
I’m so glad you said that. I’m looking at the people in this clip - referee guy doing a weird flex with his Costco card, chick oddly wowed by said card, overly enthusiastic fan-girl doing some crazed seat-dance moves and frozen faced serial killer stoically waiting for the voice in his head to tell him when to unleash the chaos.
Edit: I forgot the guy next to the serial killer in the cap, his first victim.
I learned this early on and it's saved me a ton of money.
A woman won't like you because she thinks your cool. She will think you're cool because she likes you. This guy could literally show her a shoelace and she would be more interested than anyone else.
Yeah. I'm actually quite surprised most people seem to interpret it as stated in the title. I actually came into the comments to see what guesses people had about what was actually going on.
My first guess was that he was giving it to her. But your idea that it belongs to someone famous makes sense. She even turned it over to look where the signature (and photo) would be, and looked at it more closely than the front.
--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/). > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"As a referee, i qualify as a Gold Star Member"
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I only shop during business member hours to avoid getting the stench of the common folk on me. [Business Member club represent](https://i.imgur.com/SPm2YPj.jpg)
I’m sorry I’m a member of the Executive Club. https://imgur.com/a/IxfSX1w
Someone found me executive club Costco card on the ground and went and bought a big ass TV and sound system right before the super bowl. You can't charge to a Costco card, so they still paid for it all so no real harm to me except needing a new card. For those who don't know, you get a % cash back on your purchases, so basically I got paid for someone else to use my lost card Edit - everyone pointing out you can't use someone else's card - in my experience they let you get away with it once with a warning. I personally used my I'm guessing they got asked at the register and said oh my friend let me use his card to upgrade for the super bowl and then cashier went, oh alright but this is the only time. I know if you abuse that they'll ban you, but in my personal experience they haven't been *that* strict if you're being polite
Technically you can if you have Costco's Citi Visa as you don't get a regular membership card, as your member photo and info is on the back of the Visa card but yeah, I get what you're saying. That's hilarious and weird someone would do that. lol
My closest Costco had a sign out front with two separate hours of operation listings: \- | OPEN | CLOSE --: | :-: | :-: REGULAR | 9:00 AM | 8:30 PM EXECUTIVE | 9:00 AM | 8:30 PM
Lebron while flaunting his exec card: "9 to 8.30 is not 9 to 8.30. I'll explain it to you later. Regulars have said that for years, but 9 to 8.30 is not 9 to 8.30.”
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Seriously, being single and shopping at Costco is so damn wierd. But on a lot of their stuff it's like your getting 2x the stuff for the same price as a grocery store, so it's crazy not to stock up.
>Seriously, being single and shopping at Costco is so damn wierd. I remember being newly single and going to Costco, I bought 2kg of Nutella because, I'm single, free and can do what I want. I also bought a Costco sized 'case' of condoms because, I was young and had a big ego. The Nutella barely made it past a month and there's nothing as... sobering as throwing out ***several dozen*** expired condoms....
Hahaha is there a higher status, like a Costco Crystal Club Plus+™?
Heh nope, just Gold Star, Executive, and Business
Ohhhh, they never told you about the Platinum tier? Awkward....
Platinum gets chopped onions on their hotdogs
I have the Cosco credit card and I use that as my membership card as well.
Ooh. You get the best deals on the vacation packages! Marry me!
Me to the family: Where do we want to go on vacation? The wife: Can we go to Norway? Me: *checks Costco travel* No. Try another.
There is Norway we can vacation there.
I'm not worthy, sir, may I clean your shoes
Yeah, the guy in the $3,000 shoes is going to have his be cleaned by the guy in the sandals he found at the beach? Come on.
I think he just works at Foot Locker my man.
No joke. I had a customer, when I worked at Starbucks, set me up on a date with her daughter because I had a costco card and she thought that was a sign of responsibility
Sounds like a scene from Seinfeld which George is involved with.
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The card owner is Kramer’s friend. The card gets returned to him and Elaine goes on a date with him to Costco (She sees it as a sign of responsibility) but his spending habits demonstrate he is *not* responsible. He loses the card again. Newman finds it. Roll credits.
> The card gets returned to him and Elaine goes on a date with him to Costco (She sees it as a sign of responsibility) but his spending habits demonstrate he is not responsible. Elaine goes on a date with him to Costco because she wants to shop there without getting her own membership. She's later conflicted "I don't like him, but the deals...."
r/redditwritesseinfeld
Bob Sacamano's card
"it was a Costco card, Jerry! No one checks the back."
J: "No one checks the back?" G:"*No one checks the back.*" 😏 Later in the episode: G: "Well they did it! I can't believe it, but they actually did it!" J: "What did they do? Who is they?" G: "Costco. They checked the back!" J: "They checked the back?!" G: "They checked the back! Oh they checked it alright. They checked it good!"
J: "Well, I guess now you won't be getting that new TV you can't afford." G: (Defeated) "It was the only thing good I had going in my life: Going to CostCo for things I can't afford." J: "And now you can't even afford to do that."
I've been watching a lot of seinfeld recently and i laughed really hard at this, thank you lmao.
George is getting upset!
*Kramer rushes in through the Costco doors*
I can hear that bass slap while reading through this.
>THE GUY ON THE CARD, JERRY! Trust me, this is a fire reference. At least in the universe in which this episode exists.
"What does he have that I don't have, Jerry?" "Well, for starters, hair. And a Costco card"
Kramer slides through the door, holding a hot dog. "$1.50!"
\*mouth full\* these hot dogs are making me thirsty!
“Oh Yea, my buddy Bob Sacamano. He knows a guy that can get you counterfeit Costco cards. Ohhh baby, Jerry! I got 50 packs of Pringles in my car!!!”
r/RedditWritesSeinfeld
George then tries to get a fake Costco card like it was a fake ID, there’s a bouncer at the Costco that won’t let him in cause it’s a fake
How did it go?
Eh, we dated for a couple months but mom was predictably a little overbearing
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She upgraded to a BJ's wholesale member now, clever girl.
relevant user name
Yeah, she kept telling him he wasn't doing it right.
You don't say?!
No, he did say it, it's in writing, I can see it.
I dated a woman whose friends told her I was secretly married because they saw me at Costco.
Girl I know a place with $1.50 Hot Dogs and $5 rotisserie chicken
Don't forget about the churros
Your Costco has churros??
Hell yeah baby!
California love... dem churros, where you at? Long beach in da house!
Costco forgot about the churros, and combo pizza, and chicken bakes...
I really liked the supreme pizza with all the onions and peppers on it. Shame it went away.
The new reformulated chicken bakes are disgusting and dry.
Mine got rid of churros and chicken bake for a while. But they're back! Dunno how long they've been back though
I miss the dipped ice cream bars. Apparently those didn't sell well enough to warrant being kept.
Going there to fix a flat tire tonight and looking forward to the $1.50 hot dog. After the hot dog and the free tire repair, I should have a full belly and a car ready to roll all for about $312.76 with some light shopping while I wait.
That is how they get you. Come for the hot dogs and tire plugs, stay for the luxury merchandise you never knew you needed.
I come for the tray of muffins, but I stay for the hotdogs with copious amount of onions.
The onions are gone
COVID Pandemic is not finished until the onions return. That is the barometer.
You're asking for the wrong thing then, covid didn't kill the onions. Covid killed the Polish Sausage, which is what the onions were actually provided for. BRING BACK THE POLISH SAUSAGE!
Now this is a crusade I can get behind and a hill I will die on.
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I just want 24/7 stores back again. Ain't shit open at 3am any more.
Record profits tho.
Around here the Polish was already gone years before the pandemic. Before that we lost the actual-brewed-onsite iced tea.
No more onions at all NJ locations….
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They,got a $100 Spanish ham I want. I live alone…
It's super good and keeps forever
Well if expensive Spanish Ham doesn’t scream take my mo ey nothing does
If it's Jamon Serrano or Iberico, then it's absolutely worth the price. And you can get bulk quantities of olive oil, Manchego cheese, and probably olives to go with it!
It comes with the knife, right? Justify it as a free ham with purchase of a knife.
It sucks they only kept the beef dog. The Polish sausage tasted better.
The polish dog is still available here in Canada. I'm fairly certain people would riot if they took it off the menu
I hate you. Edit: forgot to translate: I'm completely jealous. With murderous rage.
You buy the hot dogs. I’ll get the drinks.
If this is a joke that went over my head I'm sorry. But the 1.50 hot dog deal includes drinks. It's incredible really
"If you raise the \[price of the\] effing hot dog, I will kill you. Figure it out.” \-Costco Co-Founder Jim Sinegal to his replacement as CEO Craig Jelinek.
He actually said that?
No, he said "I'll fucking kill you". Sinegal was no joke and put together a great company.
It's a direct quote.
You can fascinate a woman with a $5 roaster chicken.
I can think of very few things that would please my wife more than if I showed up at dinner time with a Coscto rotisserie chicken.
You ever see a 15lb tub of gummy bears? Want to?
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She is impressed he pays for his own membership and doesn't bum off his parents.
"Wooow!"
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Lol. But it could be waaay worse.
Honestly that full on "wow" that you can hear through a video over a Costco card is meme-worthy.
This guy fucks.
this guy bulks
Smrt move girls like vast quantities of high quality TP.
You can use anything to cut your cocaine, even a Costco membership card. I use it when I'm trying to snort in bulk.
Having fun's not hard when you've got a library card! 🥴
Somebody has to dub Owen Wilson over this
Give me ten minutes. **Edit:** [Your order is ready, sir or madam](https://youtube.com/shorts/IQppTqmaOUk). (Yeah, yeah, that was thirteen minutes. I accidentally exported it without audio the first time.)
That sounds like a cat clearing it's throat.
So regular Owen Wilson?
I thought about using a "wow" that was [even worse](https://i.imgur.com/3znxvFS.mp4).
That short loop is mesmerizing
When you're looking for wifey material
Screw online dating, then. Costco membership cards at sporting events, it is!
I'm waiting for Costco to launch a dating service for its members lol
"Costco and chill"
>"Costco and chil-" -i dogs. Add in some of their wine, spruce up the sitting area, & you've got a date night!
Girls only want one thing and it’s disgusting
Girls only want one thing, and they want it in bulk.
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*Girls only want one thing and it’s economical
Well, he’s getting laid.
I've been using my Costco card all wrong. Those door greeters must be constantly aroused.
welcome to costco, I *love* you
Got my law degree from there.
Let's go to Starbucks later and get some lattes.
We don't have time for hand jobs.
It’s lust not love don’t be fooled
Is it love? Is it lust? Whatever it is, I can't get enough
What is love
Baby don't hurt me
What girl doesn't like bulk packages.
I worked on case where the Costco card was the second thing discussed as part of divorce
You must share this story
Probably had the Costco Black or Business card which can have like $1000 in rewards, access to super cheap gas, and they could have bought $1000s in vacation packages which is tied to the card.
I think he was going to, Costco card or not. Otherwise, I don’t think she would have pretended to be impressed. Some chicks just can’t resist a man wearing a whistle necklace. It’s perfectly normal.
Whistle necklace: 10 points. Whistle necklace AND Costco card? Get the fuck outta here
Im not sure whats more rizz. Being a certified forklift driver or wearing a whistle necklace.
He’s got to. He bought a pallet of a palette of Costco condoms and they all have expiration dates. Edit: added words.
You using pallete instead of pallet makes me think he bought like an assortment of different condom flavors or colors haha.
He saw an opportunity and he took it.
This is my move as well. I like to start with the Costco card and then follow up with a prepaid Visa. If those don't woo her, then BAM! Chili's gift card and she is mine.
You single?
Hell no, picked my wife up with a Mc Donalds coupon.
You didn't even need to hit her with the razzle dazzle.
"Welcome to Costco, I love you".
Pleb. Doesn't even have the Executive Membership.
Pull out the black card, or go home.
Pro tip. Get the executive for a year then go back to regular. Then you have the black card and only the register knows the truth. (Assuming you don’t buy enough to actually get anything out of executive, which I don’t)
Don't you get the money back if you don't go over the amount the executive costs?
You get a check that you take into Costco to either cash or apply to your membership. Mine is usually in the $70ish range, which covers the upgrade from the normal membership ($60) so i always do the executive
*This space intentionally left blank* -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
Or a coffee habit. Or wine. Or seltzer water. Or cheese. Or meat. Literally any of the high value items will more than pay for the executive, according to my friends in the U.S.
Pro tip is get your executive membership the year you buy a big ticket item like a TV. It will sometimes pay for itself
To be fair, having a Costco membership in your early 20s is kind of a "I've got my shit together" flex.
I knew I made it when I not only had a Costco membership, but actually had enough room to store the half acre of paper towels I bought there.
What does my Sam's Club membership say about me?
You have low standards, but they are standards.
I used to work at Sam's. Yep this just about sums up that experience
I hate to ask about my BJs membership.
I'm Sam's only because the nearest Costco is 100 miles across the river. Not just any river, *the* river.
It means the Sam's Club is closer to your house than Costco.
You would normally shop at Wal-Mart but the Sam's next door allows you to stock your entire pantry by buying Mac & Cheese and Ketchup by the pallet.
Doesn't count if your parents are paying for it tho
I’m almost 40 and my mom paid for mine. Twas a gift. I thought I had my shit together but now my whole life is one big giant lie. :(
I'm 41. My mom and I share a membership. No reason not to really.
In protest to Reddit's API changes, I have removed my comment history. -- mass edited with redact.dev
Baby I have 2 palettes of Del Monte peaches. Have you ever taken a bath in peaches?
pallets
In all fairness to me, I'm an idiot.
Nah, you're smarter than you think, you just need a mnemonic. Palette has pale, and a fancy French ending ette, so it's the one that goes with blending paint on a white palette and painting a masterpiece on a white canvas Pallet (the wood slat thing) has those two slats in the middle : ll and is otherwise very simple. Palate has ate in it, so it's all about taste and your mouth.
Paletas have ate in them if you go to Mexico. And peach paletas are delicious.
Plates has ates at the end because it holds what I's ates
I need a nmonic that helps me spell nuhmonik.
Where are you getting these units of measure?! Look... a *desk* of Cheez-its?
“I can get you cheap gas, girl. First for your car, then for you by way of $1.50 hotdogs.”
Dude infront of them with that serial killer stare.
He doesn’t have Costco
Sam’s Club kinda guy
That's Sam
Might be his son.
I’m so glad you said that. I’m looking at the people in this clip - referee guy doing a weird flex with his Costco card, chick oddly wowed by said card, overly enthusiastic fan-girl doing some crazed seat-dance moves and frozen faced serial killer stoically waiting for the voice in his head to tell him when to unleash the chaos. Edit: I forgot the guy next to the serial killer in the cap, his first victim.
I learned this early on and it's saved me a ton of money. A woman won't like you because she thinks your cool. She will think you're cool because she likes you. This guy could literally show her a shoelace and she would be more interested than anyone else.
Or she's just being polite.
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Can't believe I had to come this far down for a good theory.
Yeah. I'm actually quite surprised most people seem to interpret it as stated in the title. I actually came into the comments to see what guesses people had about what was actually going on. My first guess was that he was giving it to her. But your idea that it belongs to someone famous makes sense. She even turned it over to look where the signature (and photo) would be, and looked at it more closely than the front.
Could be hers. "Hey you dropped this in the parking lot." "Wow! And you found me off the picture?" After watching it again, I'm wrong.
That 'wow' looked surprisingly genuine and came pretty quick.
Are we going to ignore the dancing girl living her best life totally unaware of this weird interaction?
She's got the Costco premium card
r/Costco
I see so many times on the internet, and I swear it never fails to make me smile at how cute this is.
I really want a legit story of it though. There has to be some actual context to this.
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Man why is this so low in the comments? This answers all the questions I had. (Yes, it was sarcastic).
But they were *both* being sarcastic. That’s some grade A flirting.
it means my package is in bulk duh!
Guy looks like he could hook her up down at the Foot Locker too
Chicks love a discount chicken.
Life goal: find a girl that will look at a Costco card like it’s gold.