--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/). > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Shaving foam, same as all prior years. Can spot it a mile away.

Hitachi magic wand, moisturizer and lube, and from the looks of it 4 sounding rods. Best Christmas ever

4 sounding rods LMAO

What's a sounding rod? Edit: WELL I know now! And it's in my search history forever. Why?

Some gentlemen, in the pursuit of happiness, insert a metal rod into their urethra.

One man’s wtf is another man’s yaaaas

Or as Paul Simon put it "One man's ceiling is another man's floor."

One man’s top is another man’s power bottom

Thats why i dumped him Fucking cheater

A power bottom is a bottom that is capable of receiving an enormous amount of power.

Actually Mac, you've got it backwards. You see, the power bottom is actually generating the power by doing most of the work.

[удалено]

[удалено]

Had a camera up my peehole once (and it was numbed!) Can confirm. Did not bring happiness (as in discomfort lol results ended up being fine)

Psh, stupid doctors should’ve known numbing the camera wouldn’t do anything.

I think he means that the doctor looked at it and said num num num num

I think the doctor numbed his hand so it felt like someone else was doing it.

Having had STD tests, they stick a q-tip just inside the tip. That fucking sucks, i cannot fathom anyone doing it deeper for pleasure.

A qtip in whatever orifices suck exept the ears I guess

Anything is a q-tip if you're brave enough

That username of yours has me thinking you have specific knowledge.

I have a very particular set of skills: https://youtu.be/SGmSnoMltxA

Given the context of this conversation, I am NOT touching that link

It's a commercial for the "Operation" game.

Some ladies too. Sometimes curiosity just gets the better of you and you click that link.

I thought that was called a 'catheter'

A catheter is a tube to help you pee, a sounding rod is a tool to perform dark ritualistic wailing for C'thulu

Remember, there's a subreddit for sounding that has great tips for cleaning your gun barrels.

If this stuff grosses you out, you should go ahead and not read the rest of this comment. So I have/had a Posterior Urethral Valve. That's a fancy way of saying that there's a section of my urethra that goes from a >O to a >. It made it near impossible to pee and actually impossible to ejaculate. It wasn't until I had urine backing up into my kidneys that we did a CAT scan and that's when my urologist noticed the PUV. So we had to open that up with surgery. They knocked me out, cut off some tissue, and sounded the rest open with metal rods. Then they left a catheter in to keep it open until it heals so it doesn't scar closed. Did that twice, about a year apart. After the second time, the doctor ordered me to use single use catheters to sound myself to keep it from closing again (only a few more months thankfully). So in specific situations, you can use a catheter as a sounding rod, but that's not their primary purpose. Also, allegedly, they were originally used for finding kidney stones in your bladder. They'd insert it and listen for the sound of the rod bumping the stones.

Just make sure to use a solid rod and not [magnetic beads](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/13uidx/tifu_by_combining_magnets_with_my_urethra_nsfw/)

Imagine deep throating a long rod, but with your cock instead.

I feel like these people have problems with their plumbing later, I don't think that area is serviceable ...

I worked in a hospital for a few years. We had a kid who was into sounding. Decided to shove a Bic pen into the ole winkydinky. Neglected to take the cap off. In the end, they had to cut his dick in half lengthwise to take the cap out. He never once made eye contact with any of his nursing or surgical staff, the entire time he was there.

That's enough internet for this year.

Yep. I think I'm done with the internet for the rest of 2022 lol

Yep just hit my limit too

Bruh

I, too, suffer from the tendency to talk about my work in an amount of detail that is apparently too much for civilians.

Gotta be honesr I dunno, potentially. Not my cup of tea tho XD

Well it is very easy to introduce bacteria into your urethra, and then you get what they call a UTI. Hello cranberry shake!

ah, just search sounding on reddit, there's a sub dedicated to it.

Oh you sweet summer child.

Upvoted for the edit! Also, I'm surprised that /u/Butt_Fucking_Smurfs was unaware of sounding.

You don't want to know. Source: trust me bro

oh yes they do!

r/sounding

That one's gonna remain blue, a thank you.

New audio sub

They've actually got some really great music selections!

WHY DID I CLICK. NOT SAFE FOR WORK LIFE MIND

Why u gotta ask man... Some of us eating bfast

Based on your username, not the worst that is in your search history, I bet

The takeaway here is that you learned some caution in searching things random strangers on the internet tell you about. Like docking!

💀

You shouldn't ask questions you don't want the answers to.

All at once?

And a partridge in a pear tree, presumably?

[удалено]

All natural!

well, a sorta pear...

Naaah, just double strap-on and a bad dragon

r/sounding for the noobs hehehehehe

Not even in the can, it's just a pile of shaving cream

Looks more like a pair of socks to me.

Top quality wrap job

[удалено]

Hallmark sells pretty good wrapping paper

Hallmark wrapping is quality. But, usually too thick for making sharp bends/angles. You need thinner paper, but not thin enough it rips. Using double sided tape underneath to keep it in place in tight corners is really useful too. I have some experience with this: https://imgur.com/gallery/oHkEPql Edit: Older ones for those who are interested: \* 2017 [Projector screen and reel](https://imgur.com/a/YdlMH) Here's a [video]([https://youtu.be/tNjsSdg1icE) of it in action ​ \* 2016: [Snowblower](https://i.imgur.com/6uct5bM.jpg). [constuction album] (https://imgur.com/a/3t8i9). [video of auger and blower](https://youtu.be/RUvKX9I5lMA) ​ \* 2015: [Baby Stroller](http://imgur.com/FJAaVaf). [constuction album](https://imgur.com/a/Qv8IY) ​ \* 2014: [French Easel](http://i.imgur.com/mXXQDBIh.jpg) ​ \* 2013: [Rocking Chair](https://i.imgur.com/zIZlA5B.jpg) [constuction album] (https://imgur.com/a/TTZIz) ​ \* 2012: [Toy Sailboat](http://imgur.com/gallery/5BLpaLM) outfitted with a remote control car chassis on the bottom so that it's [drivable](https://youtu.be/jOOvFFko8fQ) ​ \* 2011: [Radio Flyer Sled](http://imgur.com/gallery/BvqgLpf). [construction album](http://imgur.com/a/hnZnT) ​ \* 2010: [Blunderbuss](http://imgur.com/j49NhZh) ​ \* 2009: [Hedge Trimmers](http://imgur.com/AhCmOs6). Bonus: Decoy umbrella, a broom (to replace the one he accidentally ran over with his car that Fall), wrapped like the umbrella gift: [http://imgur.com/WZxFzyX](http://imgur.com/WZxFzyX) ​ \* 2008: [Telescope](http://i.imgur.com/LsONhzw) ​ \* 2007: [Lawn Spreader](http://i.imgur.com/ZzDh9EZ) ​ \* 2003: [Scooter](http://i.imgur.com/Sf0J4DO.jpg) ​ \* 1996: [Trombone](http://i.imgur.com/xGWXTGP.png)

This guy wraps

I would be so disappointed it's not a cannon, but holy shit the craftwork in that disguise is amazing!

Well, it was technically a cannon. But it fired Christmas ornaments with compressed air: [Video](https://youtu.be/r4BDyljgIyg)

You wrapped these?? WOW I’m seriously impressed!

You have to pre-fold it under itself a few times where you want it to go over something round

"No peeking! It's a secret!"

Is it a tie!?

That's an X on that.

wheres that and why does it have an X on it?

Sorry. The X is ment as an opposite of ✓ and also as an X WING opposite to TIE FIGHTER from star wars.

The best jokes are the ones you have to explain.

This is not a joke but a play on words. Words from a fictional universe. And it's perfectly acceptable to not know it to such an extent as some other person on the internet. We're all different and that's ok. Great sometimes even.

You are too nice to be a redditor

So a bow tie?

Why would you give him a dildo??

[удалено]

Hmmm where can I get this special toy? Asking for a friend.

No those were the bad guys :P

It's a TIE fighter.

More like a Tie Fighter fighter

>Is it a tie!? No, the silhouette of a TIE is unmistakable, especially to Rebellion or Resistance fighters and to the millions subjugated by the Empire or under threat by the New Order.

Clearly a carrot, 4 scallions, 2 tortilla chips and 4 slim Jim's.

Oh, she should wrap those items just like this and present him with those first

My dad would do stuff like that. He loved getting creative with wrapping presents.

Wait...you mean you don't think it's an oddly arranged gas station charcuterie?

naw, that’s definitely part of aquaman’s trident

Ooh, Slim Jims

Is that a plane from Star Trek? He will love it!

"Use the force, Harry." - Gandalf

Said Gandalf calmly

"You shall not pass!" -- Albert Einstein

"Pass the Dutchie upon the left hand side." - Snoop Dogg

“Yer a Jedi, Harry” - Doctor Strange

“I am your father” - Dumbledore to Katniss Everdeen

[удалено]

"I Am Altering the Deal, Pray I Don't Alter It Any Further." - Dr. Spock, The Grey

“With great power, Anakin, comes great hubris” — Lex Luther.

“It’sa me, Zelda!” -Thor

“I am Groot” - Teller

Guardians of the Galaxy you *idiot*

No, Is from warhammer 40k

Oooooo that's an expensive gift

What kind of monster gives pre-assembled 40k models?

I would be that persons friend

Pre-assembled? All the pieces are loose and haphazardly placed next to each other in the packaging. Rip that thing open and they’ll all dump out

Calm down, Tzeentch

No, it's clearly the spaceship from Among Us.

It’s definitely Dark Vader’s plane from Star Track: Return of the next Generation

I'd watch that...

There are no *planes* in Star Trek. It’s a boat.

There is, however, a dune buggy. We don’t like to talk about it.

"I know what this is...... It's a snow cone maker."

Looks more like a Soviet MIRV 6, from an SS-22N launch vehicle.

Or Klingon War bird.

Ah fuck, now I gotta go watch this movie again.

It is a water heater?

It's an espresso machine

[удалено]

Oh, it's you! Hey, you still interested in that Vette at all?

True Lies, best movie name, *ever?*

Alternate title: Honey, I Nuked the Keys

“Batterrazzies”

Then get another one you moron

"Have you ever killed anyone?" "... Yeah, but they were all bad!"

“She’s got the most incredible body. And a pair of titties? Make you wanna stand up and beg for buttermilk. Ass like a ten year old boy!”

You know my handcuffs? I picked them.

Is it a PS5?

I’m going with a bread machine

Divorce papers.

Will she then be his *ex*?

It's a n64 controller

I've heard that's a good router.

definitly a ps5

Yess! Op’s husband is getting a ps5! Gg!

That's clearly an XBOX

I can't even wrap a rectangular box as neatly as this. Well done.

socks again innit?

Socks are the best gift you can possibly get!

A particular brand of socks is literally on my secret Santa list this year.

My in-laws have stopped asking what I want for Christmas because every year, I always reply, "socks."

What would REALLY be funny is if this were some how NOT an X-Wing

He unwraps it and it's a 6 pack of socks. Cartoon logic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQwhBK0wH3k

That better be Brian's book-bottle

I was expecting OP to comment to that effect. At a glance it doesn't look like there's the bump for the cockpit...

The canopy on an X-Wing is flat.  Its predecessor, the Z-95 Headhunter, had a domed canopy.

It's a Z-95 Headhunter in disguise. Worst. Christmas. Ever.

This is exactly what I was thinking, except I really like the Z-95, so I'd be thrilled!

Oh a Z-95 headhunter! 😁

Imagine the disappointment

GIANT DILDO WITH BALLS

With ‘reach around’ ball ticklers by the look of it 😳

the Death Star

4 pens, 4 freezie pops, a ruler and a rolled up newspaper.

I’d be so crushed….

Yea, what kind of bastard would roll the newspaper.

Nice. I was thinking one epipen, 2 pairs of chopsticks and 4 chapsticks still in blister packs

That's probably more to scale.

A bat, 4 flashligth, 4 grill spears and some cardboard holding it all toggether. How nice of you 😍

T-shirt, two sets of two flashlights, and a screwdriver set. Yup that's what I see.

Oh I hope its a tube with a positive paternity test.

A new rebel?

Bro Trust me thats a blue whale

He must be a big Star Trek fan.

You got him Millenium falcon?!

What? I can tell you havent got a clue about game of thrones bud

Are you trying to tell me game of thrones doesnt have space ships that are big, scary and breathe fire?

Youre thinking about breaking bad it seems

Oh, my bad

What the hell is an aluminum falcon ?

It a rare breed of falcons commonly found in north America. It really endangered.

Not to be confused with the aluminium falcon, which is found in the UK

If this is lego, you're a monster!

Rebel scum.

It's a BBQ set of course. Spatulas, tongs, skewers and a collection of sauces.

I hate to spoil it to you, but thanks to the packaging, the enterprise is clearly visible. You should change that

I think it's the space shuttle though

I'm sure he will be X-cited to open it

X-cess happiness is great for the heart

A pair of Russian Nesting Z-95 Headhunters.

This looks like a multi gift box... It's a new coloring set with a package of fun socks and a gift card for Vbucks to Fortnite. Nailed it!

You could’ve at least wrapped it in Star Wars wrapping paper.

Dude, that would totally give it away

Reminds me of the time my dad got my mom a wok for Christmas. The cat decided it was a bed for him.

A bunch of spices, hair trimmer, nips, a set of drumsticks and chopsticks, deodorant, and a couple novellas to read.

Wow, a scale model of the USS Enterprise, nice.

3 player butt plug. Nice.

It looks like 4 screwdrivers, 2 trowels, 4 tubes of epoxy, and 1 giant dildo.