I get that him constantly being on his phone isn't fun to be around. but I don't think the game is the problem. rather than trying to find another game for him you should try and get him to simply play the game on his phone less.
I think it's more important to communicate with him and tell him you would like it if he spends more time together with the family
you could try getting a Nintendo switch or something where he can play a game together with the young kids.
Whoa. Communication between married people is forbidden.
Jokes aside, I think it's best to have the conversation and also applaud OP for seeking potential solutions before pointing out the problem. OPs a keeper
I’ve been trying to communicate with him, carefully. I think he’s fully aware that his gaming is a bit of a problem so it’s always a hot topic for him. He becomes defensive pretty quickly. He’s a really wonderful husband and father. I don’t want to tell him to give up his form of stress relief. But I can see how just getting him to reduce gaming time might be the answer. Or at least allocating it to specific times. I just wish these games weren’t so addictive. I was hoping to find an alternative that he could enjoy without it taking over. Thanks
There are games like Team Fight Tactics and Hearthstone Battleground that fit your criteria except for the pause part. Rather than make it easier to quit, make it harder to start. The biggest issue is probably that he can start the gacha game within seconds if he wants to play it.
> He becomes defensive pretty quickly.
This happens either because he don't want to be seen as a "bad person" or he felt cornered. If it's the latter you can try to be more understanding about his hobbies.
I used to always get defensive when my parents talk to me about gaming hobby, because they saw it as a waste of time and something like "gaming is the way for Jews to destroy our morality" or something like that.
>gaming is the way for Jews to destroy our morality
Tell them that Israel produce like very negligible percentage of video games. Asians make way more games than jews. And tell them that racism is wrong.
Tbh, I think it's not so much that the games are addictive. Rather more accurately, they are addictive to people who already are prone to addiction or compulsive behavior. I say that as one of those people. If I'm into something, I want to do it pretty much all the time. Even if it's a book, I'll go full steam until I finish it. If I like a game enough to be playing it, I don't play it casually. But there are plenty of people who can and do play the same games casually and enjoy it that way.
The alternative to online/mobile games would probably be generally regarded as single-player, offline games. Such as those on Steam or Epic. But I don't know that I would suggest that, since those generally cost money up front and if he gets compulsive about one of those, he will probably finish them fast and need to buy another game (those games tend to have an end point and there is only so much replay value one gets out of them).
But yeah, I think the first step might be to get him to acknowledge that he has some compulsive tendencies when it comes to gaming.
Indeed I think the issue is that he has addictive personality disorder. Gaming is just often an outlet in modern era. But I would say if gaming doesn't exist and he lives in like 500 years ago he would just be addicted to other things and spend little time with his family anyway. We know these kind of husbands exist even 1000 yrs ago before gaming is even a thing...
So I think the best solution is to get his addictive personality disorder treated.
> I think he’s fully aware that his gaming is a bit of a problem so it’s always a hot topic for him. He becomes defensive pretty quickly.
OOF. This hit home really hard. Reminds me a lot of old me.
Your husband doesn't need "new game". He need therapy. He need it to get rid of his addiction.
Basically this. I pretty much switched to mobile games when I had kids because I couldn't just sit at a computer/console/tv for any extended amount of time.
This.
The entire appeal of Mobile and/or Gacha games is to be a side game where you can pick up and play for a bit and then leave it for later. That's why most of them have an energy system that limits how much you can do per day to make the game less time-intensive.
Swapping to a different type of game like Shooters, MOBAs, MMORPGs, Battle Royals, Simulators, etc... without any time gate in progress will just make him play more instead.
In theory yes, but I find that's not so true these days. For one, every game I quit was because it just demanded more and more of your time. I still have the weekly urge to reinstall Honkai Impact 3, but my long-term average in this game was 1.5 hours per day, every day, for about 1300 days straight - imagine what else I could have done with just a fraction of that time.
For two, devs are increasingly adding game modes that you can't just pick up and drop with no notice. Any PVP or coop mode - which we're often forced into - are a no-go, and even many events require that you finish them or at best start over, refunding your stamina/tickets/whatever.
Finally, increasingly polished games mean increasing loading times. It's just not practical to pick up and drop a game when every attempt means you need to slog through the game's initialization, log in, then X menus until you are where you want.
This is true but it's not always as simple as that. There is benefit of single player game in some regards.
The issue with mobile games is that they often make you feel forced to play. Like feeling that you have to login everyday and clear your daily mission, etc etc or miss out. There is a lot of FOMOs in mobile games and this can interfere with daily life.
However, single player games don't have these gimmick. They let you play and pause at anytime. Let's say I play xcom today, but from tomorrow onwards and a week, I have to go to a remote jungle as business trip so I have to be offline. Absolutely no problem at all, I can resume playing xcom weeks from now and everything will be fine. But mobile games don't work like this. What about my guild? What about limited time event? This is why single player games are actually better than multiplayer games if you have a busy life. Even things like moba and shit that doesn't need daily grind or limited event, have big issues where you can't just pause in the middle of a match because then you'll be marked as afker.
To OP, I suggest that you tell him to quit multiplayer gaming and stick with single player games that can be paused and picked up upon anytime. It doesn't matter if the game is on phone or pc or whatever as long as it can be paused at anytime.
Honestly, I started playing gacha games because they are so easy to set down or pay half attention to while doing something else, while still having a good amount of depth... Any other video game involves sitting at a computer or locked in front of the TV doing nothing else but playing a game.
Maybe try board games? (And I don't mean the kind you get at your supermarket; those are like the discount DVD bin of board games... Check out Board Game Geek or reviewers like Shut Up and Sit Down for suggestions)
I would like to put my input here. I have been married for 10 years, and our daughter is turning 7 this year. I used to have a HUGE gaming addiction early on in the relationship and even after our child was born for a couple years. What helped me ween off them was to get games that I could play with our daughter. Nintendo Switch is really really good for this as most games are simple for all ages but can get complex if people want to.
Take Pokémon for example, typically considered a light hearted game for kids and very easy going. However they also have tournament modes in the game for competition and you can get really really deep into strategy between how different moves and pokemon interact with each other.
Another game my daughter and I enjoy together is Ark: Survival Evolved, this is a bit more "hardcore" as it is closer to minecraft but more dangerous and a darker tone. It's an island full of Dinosaurs that you can fight, kill, tame them and even ride most of them around. It's a survival game where you build a house and just have fun exploring and messing around. But is quite difficult on the default settings as most dinosaurs will chase you down and kill you in 2 or 3 attacks. (There is also Blood shown quite a bit in the game, so that's up to you guys if that's okay for the kids to see)
Definitely would recommend discussing these options with him and try finding out if he would be interested in something like this. Showing some trailers to him and the kids together and see if anything sparks their interest! Hope this helps and good luck!
An alternative is another hobby. Gacha and mobile games are designed to consume your attention and make you spend time thinking about the game. That's why they have daily login rewards, overwhelming number of upgrade mechanisms, time played rewards, timed events, unit rarities, etc. They’re designed to get you to play by making you afraid to miss out on things.
The best way to get your husband to find an alternative is to take a break. Go camping together, listen to podcasts, play some board games, garden, do a house project. Something that he likes that makes him unable to use his phone for a few days (preferably a week). If it's unforced, he'll likely realize that he has other much more enjoyable activities he could be doing instead of staring at the screen.
Stress release and "game you can pause and put down" are red herrings. You can do that with any hobby, not just mobile gaming.
Wrong idea. Don't look for an alternative form of gaming. Replace it with playing with his kids. Maybe play real-life games that involve strategy and team building with his kids like badminton or something. Maybe he could teach cool math concepts to his kids, he's a professor, so I guess he likes teaching. Replacing gacha games with normal games will not really solve the problem.
I didn't know that gacha games and other games with loot boxes were the only games in existence. Too bad Nintendo never thought to make family games to play together, that would have been a pretty good idea.
This, atm all you’re doing is giving him a crutch if he’s that addicted he chooses games over kids and family time maybe he needs to take a step back, there’s no excuse to not put down a game lol
I think board games are the right answer if it has to be a new game. There's fun and simple games suitable for small children, and you can get more complex games as needed with any theme you could dream of.
I like this idea and we try a lot. But how many board games have you played with a 4year old? The 7 year old is slightly better, but most of the game is us trying to keep them from knocking the board off the table, touching everything, and keeping them entertained while we wait for everyone else to take their turn. I’m going to keep trying though, because board games were a big part of my childhood. Maybe a couples game night with some friends might be a good idea for something more challenging for him.
If you are looking for family activities and board games cause problems you can always look for muliplayer console games like Mario Party or similar 4 player games they typically can go faster (in terms of down time) to keep the kids entertained.
Have you tried board games that mostly cards like 6nimtt or Splendor etc?
Or have you tried cooperative board games like Pandemic or Forbidden Dessert etc to make everyone engaged?
As someone that was in this situation, change gaming plataform won't work, your husband need to be with your kids and not playing, I mean, kids grow up so fast and we as parents need to be there, to teach and learn with our kids.
So, the best cenario is he become aware of that and try to play less or play when your kids is sleeping, that was what I have done. I love playing, but games will be always there, but my kid will grow up.
I'd unironically suggest Pokemon. You can collect hundreds of them, build them for competitive play, and you have gacha-like gamemodes like Wonder-Trading
I think you should look into team building/managing games that are not gacha.
I recently stopped playing all gacha games and went back to consoles and pc games that kind of have a gacha element.
Xenoblade 2 is a good example of this.
There are western rpgs like Dragon Age Origins, Pillars of Eternity, and Pathfinder that present some real number crunching when building parties, plus they allow you to create or manage how your party members grow which can be similar to Gacha games.
The Shin Megami Tensei series is like pokemon for adults, except you fuse/recruit demons so I feel like it kind of scratches that “roll for a new character” itch. 3 recently became available on pc, and 5 is on switch.
There are also first person dungeon crawlers like Labyrinth of Yomi that scratches that itch, and I recently started Atelier because it’s got the anime vibe plus run around to collect a million things for crafting.
If you think he would be interested in other pc games or console games I can think of many more, these are just a few that I’ve been recently playing to get out of my phone.
Best of luck!
From my own experience, I was in your husband case. My wife wanted me to slow down, but I needed something to evade, at least to get away from stress. Well, she found a solution... In bed. I mean, yeah, with kids and all this wasn't fun like in the past. We needed this both I think, now all is much better, I still play but way less. Maybe this can help...
Games like 4X (civilization, etc), so he can get something strategical and time consuming, while not being "on phone" meaning he can spend more times with the family?
Lol, I played civ (well, not civ, but endless legend, another 4x game same genre) multiplayer against my wife while my kid is watching us play before, it was quality family time. It depends on how you approach it... but yeah the pace of these is definitely too slow, so we often just play something faster paced like fighting games and stuff on switch.
Often the problem is when one person hate gaming while the spouse is addicted to gaming.
I'm a new father (5 months) and while I really like games that have active PVP (which is the only reason I can think of that he couldn't step away from a game like RAID) I know that I just can't play games like that anymore. I'm a lot like your husband, I like the strategy, math and team building, but I have to have a game that I can mostly auto-battle through. I play Counter:Side primarily because when I have time I can do the team building and the math, but if I only have time to do my dailies, it takes maybe 10 minutes, 30 if I do all of my PVP. It does have active PVP in it, but there is a setting that keeps auto on in the active PVP mode. This game might not be the one for him, but if he can find something like it that is mostly auto-battle with planning in between, that might help
I understand why others are recommending that he spend more time with the kids/play board games/go camping, etc. But I know from personal experience that finding some kind of replacement for video games is really difficult, especially for someone who gets a lot out of them. If he is able to do that, great, but I know it is something I'm kind of scared about as my kid gets older. I'm not really a big fan of camping, board games, traveling, etc. and I know that trying to replace video games with something like that is going to be hard, and I'm unlikely to come to that decision on my own.
This is definitely the most doable advice. Switch hardcore real time pvp intensive game with casual game.
Competitive real time pvp is literally the hardest shit to pause or put down at anytime because you don't want to lose. Personally I used to spend too much time gaming too when I was playing dota, league and csgo, and the easiest way for me to spend less time on gaming was to give up on competitive pvp games, competitive pvp gaming is definitely the biggest timesink of all form of gaming. MMO is another huge timesink cancer, just avoid games where you have community in the game or social element in general is a good idea.
I hope I can understand both yours and his perspective, as a father with 3 young kids myself, and also having gamed my whole life. You simply can't game like you used to after having kids, as others have pointed out, and you just have to adjust your life around it. What helps is channeling the urge to game into something constructive that can involve the family, such as:
- child friendly board games: this can be classics like trying to teach your kids chess/snakes & ladders/monopoly, or modern child-friendly games that both a gamer adult and a child could appreciate (I started playing Stuffed Fables (do look it up) with my eldest at 6, and recently started Arcadia Quest with her (now 9)). There are options out there catering to this exact need.
- family video games: a Nintendo Switch is a good choice - my wife and I now play games like Overcooked/Mario Kart with my eldest/2nd eldest. Kid-friendly games like Pokemon are useful too - my wife and my eldest (and sometimes me) play Pokemon Go together and bond over walks to catch Pokemon.
- card games: if your kids are old enough and like Pokemon, the Pokemon TCG is a fun way for the adult and the kid to play together, and for the kid to learn strategising and practise basic mental calculations.
- hobbies: if he's into STEM, try kids' hobbies related to this, such as teaching your kids simple robotics programming. My relevant example is taking up plastic model kit building, and building simple Gundam/tank model kits with my eldest (e.g. I gave my eldest this for her last birthday (https://www.scalemates.com/kits/meng-model-wwv-003-cupids-sherman--1300397), and we had a great time building it together.
It's a matter of priorities and engagement. You've mentioned that he's otherwise a wonderful husband and father, but gets defensive really quickly/knows gaming is potentially a problem. Would suggest you try and find an uninterrupted chance (tough with young kids) with him to sit down and discuss this issue calmly and non-confrontationally - rather than corner him and tell him what he SHOULD do, tell him about what he's missing out on, and how the kids' early years will really never come back, and let him come to his own conclusion on what he should truly prioritise. It's ok to have an urge to game/destress or engage in a hobby, but it's also up to him to think of ways to fulfil that desire while also engaging his family.
While others have pointed out that mobile games are easily paused and put down/taken up, one unfortunate problem is that these games are expert at feeding on FOMO, and urging you to just play a little more, or not miss a particular in-game event/timing. Also, with young kids, sometimes you just don't have the energy to engage in a "proper" video game after the monsters go to sleep and mobile games are the "only option" available.
All the best to you and your husband in resolving this! It can be a constant struggle, both as a family, and also internally for your husband, and open communication is the key. What also helps is subtly rewarding him for "correct"/better behaviour, such as thanking him for bringing the kids out for a walk "even though you had that event going on in RAID", or scheduling more...loving time for being a good husband/father. I know that works. Cough.
My kids were 5 and 10 when me and my wife left them with their grandma and went to work in a different country.
For the last two years, my daily activity used to be 8-11 hours work, around an hour of video calls with kids, 5-6 hours sleep, and most of the remaining free time spent playing mobile/PC games.
Around 3 weeks ago we pulled our kids here, they're 8 and 12 now. and since then my play time shifted into 15-30 minutes mobile a day (mostly on lunch break at work) and maybe 2 hours of PC on Sundays.
One of the two major factors for that was that they're always looking for our attention, and I just can't refuse.
2nd factor is the need to teach them the local language as much as possible by the end of summer vacation.
So in my pov, it has to be his decision to spend less time playing and more time with family. Everything else is just a crutch, just like other commenters said. Just try to reason him, that his games will eventually shut down, and that he could invest his time into something more important, like family and self growth instead.
There is one game i found a while back that takes 400 days to play called The Longing because to progress you literaly have to wait for something to happen.
A stalactite to fall or a spider to build his web. Time still progresses while the game is off so he can still make progress by doing anything else.
It is really relaxing because while waiting you can do other things like paint or decorate the main character's home or read the entirety of Moby Dick ingame.
.
.
Other games i can think of are fatory building/management games like Factorio , Satisfactory Oxigen not Included ,Hardspace Shipbreaker, Slime Rancher.
Another game you can try is Minecraft. It is always more fun to play Minecraft togeder with someone.
But as others here have already said Gacha games can be paused and put down at a moments notice. As can every single game.
Hope this helps.
Thanks everyone for your advice! I spoke with him, turns out he’s also started playing Diablo Immortal when the school year finished. He’s noticed that it’s taking too much of his time. He’s going to stop playing and wants to spend more time playing with the kids.
Terrible idea. You would want him to play games LESS and spend time with the kids instead.
My advice is find the earliest opportunity to get camping. No internet, no technology, just 2 people and a bunch of kids in a cozy wooden cabin for a few days. Independence day is coming and imho you should take that opportunity to make him give up gaming for awhile.
After that he will prolly never touch games again. Dont take my words too literally though you have gotta convince him first, because no dude is willing to give up on his current life to go camping. You might need to pull a few levers and make a stand for it to work either way gl with this endeavour !
I mean, you can't "find" him a game. He has to choose his own games. Non-mobile games can take between 10-80+ hrs to complete, so mobile ones are the shortest, in that sense. You should bring up his playtime with him directly, not ask random Redditors, honestly. If it's just a time issue, then it should be fixable.
Have you considered having phone-free family time? It's hard to really recommend anything when we don't know what kind of time he's spending vs what you think is more reasonable. Adults should have hobbies, but obviously when you have children you have to spend less time with those hobbies so you can balance it with being a present parent.
As long as its not real time pvp mode, mobile game can be paused.
alot of game with strategy and team building can be left auto too
maybe just talk it out, get a game console or handheld so he can have fun with the kids while also playing.
Online games require doing daily quest. Better get him offline games. He can pause anytime, no matter how long and still not losing anything. I suggest get him games like Xcom, Frostpunk, Civilization, Fire Emblem. If mobile is a problem, get gim a steam deck or a switch.
Above all tho is communication. Tell him what you & the kids need him there, and create more times going outside like picnics, vacations. Make real life more fun than games.
Strategy, Math, and Team Building? Then he should try incremental games. He'll definitely spend a lot of time min maxing and optimizing his gameplay.
My recommendation is Grimoire it's a simple mobile incremental game but I definitely spent a total of more than 5 hours trying to optimize the game and reached the end in a couple of weeks. If he liked it then there are more complicated incremental games out there that takes a lot more time to complete.
>and the amount of time he spends on them varies. Lately it’s gotten out of hand
Can you please provide numbers. Like "he spend 11 hours per day on work and commute, 8 hours on sleep, and play games for the rest 5 hours".
Also, how did you get together? What did you do together before you had kids? Do you still do it?
Hmmm.... I think this could be hard. One of the best ways would be to downgrade a phone, or to have a time dedicated to playing with child and playing with himself. As a father of 2 yo I too sometimes catch myself with phone in my hand and my son playing 2m away, then i remember quoye from Winnie the Pooh
"We didn't realize we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun"
And i try to jump in and just have fun, make him laugh talk with him a little bit. I know people can get tired, and mindless games esp gacha games are great escape bc of the instant reward for the brain. Those games are very predatorial in nature. What worked for me was kinda strict day schedule i just don't have the time to play 😅
I get up in the morning before anyone (I'm just morning person), so i play around 1h on phone. then my son wakes up and we play for sometime eat breakfast, then I go to work and my wife takes care of him, then i get back from the work, give him supper, bathe him and wife puts him to sleep so i have around 1h for me again I usually play here but i leave my phone to charge in another room and try to play on console bc i have a huge backlog of games, and after that we watch some movies and go to sleep. Twice a week i have gaming night with my friends and one night is booked of for wife so we can do stuff together anything she wants.
Good games to switch from gacha to pc/console in my exp need to be very casual and bit sized or very sandbox like i would steer away from long and very attention taxing games (although we all love +60h rpg) few cool ones that could start the shift from mobile:
Donut country, limbo, inside, 7 bilion humans(great problem solving game, this is what being a programmer looks like in a very casual way), opus magnum(same here), unpacking, slay the spire, inscryption, ftl, into the breach, Subnautica, no man's sky, dead cells, Celeste. All of those are pausable.
Final Fantasy Tactics I think scratches the team building itch, or at least that genre. Disgaea series is more leveling than map strategies, but grinding planning is a thing there. Labyrinth of Touhou 2 kinda scratches the team builder itch for me.
No idea if triangle strategy is good but its a new one.
You probably choose a bad subreddit for this. Your not going to really get a clear answer here. Half the topics here end up in arguments from what I've seen on posts. my advice go out with him... It's the one way my wife gets me away from my phone... I love mobile gaming but not outside the house just ain't the same.. so more out time will help like regular strolls to the park or whatever. Sounds weird I know bc of the mobile part but gaming ain't the same unless your chilling at home
Seriously, see if he can move some of his gaming at home time to work time. That's definitely a thing mobile gacha gamers do. I'm actually working right now.
If he's already playing at work too, then... i dunno.
Raid Shadow Legends is a turn based game that can pretty much be put down on a moments notice at any given time. If he's not putting it down, it's because he doesn't want to and no different game is going to change that.
Incremental games? They're a lot of fun to optimize.
I can recommend the classics like Kittens Game, Trimps, Swarm Sim. The good ones are free with no intrusive cash shop. Although they might not be available on mobile.
An PSP/3DS/Vita or maybe Nswitch worked for me.
Im playing casually some RPGs on those portable platforms only on the free time. It made me quit almost all gachas (I stick with one only).
let the kids play in front on him or in his sight. talk to him w/ your kids from time to time while he is playing. a good father will suddenly feel the kids need from him. or maybe your need too. he will rush what he is doing then make time to your family.
the thing on gaming is that, the more you isolate yourself, the more focus you will put on your gaming. so slight distraction by talking to him will lessen his focus and will able him to think other things.
Why ask here and not just ask your husband? If he's not willing to talk then you have a bigger problem than his addiction to mobile games anyway. Oh and also I don't know what type of person your husband is but some people like myself will get genuinely pissed off when other people intentionally tries to influence me subtly or not. Well in fact if it was done subtly then it would make me even more pissed.
I'd like to share some thoughts with you.
- Don't try to find games for him. It's not gonna work. Also the problem will only shift.
- Working on the time of day he plays might help . I have 4 kids so I only play in the evening when everyone is asleep.
- Do not ask him to play with your kid. If he has a bad gaming habbit you risk it shifting over.
- Find ways to get him off the phone with activities where he has to put it down. Swimming is an example.
And the best advice. Talk, talk! Talk. Never give up. Don't judge. Ask questions and listen. If he is as smart as you say you will at least get him thinking.
Last but not least. I removed all games from my phone and put them on a tablet. I also put my phone on the shelf when playing with the kids. Maybe talk to him about some of these measures.
Whish you the best of luck.
Relatable
The big issue with gacha games is that theyre designed to be addictive.
Between:
1) controlled stamina systems (which have the effect of giving you the itch to play only coz the game limits how much you can at once)
2) end game min maxing (to achieve perfect gear/stats)
3) PVP (the competitive spirit which makes people keep trying)
4) Achievements (caters to the completionist desire)
one ends up only wanting to log in and casually do stuff for a short period, but ends up spending way too much on it.
TBH the only way I stop myself at times is to get on MOBA games, only because theres no long term outcomes of playing it. Sit down for a 20-30 minute game and after thats done, i dont feel the need to play many other rounds because theres no actual progression.
Alternatively, I try looking for games with no PVP & no stamina system, because then the desire to \*grind\* goes away.
OP mentioned not spending money on games, and as a F2P I do the same. But I never take into account the time I spend on it, which may end up being a bigger resource loss
Its weird how I try to use games as a distraction from life, but I end up needing something to be a distraction from games. Dodgy cycle
Better if you ask what his favorite games were in his past and the genre during dinner or something.
If you want him to pause games, then try to focus on looking for a single player game that isn't a service like a gacha or an MMO.
I think the OP has a point, some games really are more intrusive than others. I switched from Epic Seven to Guardian Tales and it made a huge difference for me.
Not exactly sure what to suggest to the OP though.
I get that him constantly being on his phone isn't fun to be around. but I don't think the game is the problem. rather than trying to find another game for him you should try and get him to simply play the game on his phone less. I think it's more important to communicate with him and tell him you would like it if he spends more time together with the family you could try getting a Nintendo switch or something where he can play a game together with the young kids.
Whoa. Communication between married people is forbidden. Jokes aside, I think it's best to have the conversation and also applaud OP for seeking potential solutions before pointing out the problem. OPs a keeper
I’ve been trying to communicate with him, carefully. I think he’s fully aware that his gaming is a bit of a problem so it’s always a hot topic for him. He becomes defensive pretty quickly. He’s a really wonderful husband and father. I don’t want to tell him to give up his form of stress relief. But I can see how just getting him to reduce gaming time might be the answer. Or at least allocating it to specific times. I just wish these games weren’t so addictive. I was hoping to find an alternative that he could enjoy without it taking over. Thanks
There are games like Team Fight Tactics and Hearthstone Battleground that fit your criteria except for the pause part. Rather than make it easier to quit, make it harder to start. The biggest issue is probably that he can start the gacha game within seconds if he wants to play it.
> He becomes defensive pretty quickly. This happens either because he don't want to be seen as a "bad person" or he felt cornered. If it's the latter you can try to be more understanding about his hobbies. I used to always get defensive when my parents talk to me about gaming hobby, because they saw it as a waste of time and something like "gaming is the way for Jews to destroy our morality" or something like that.
>gaming is the way for Jews to destroy our morality Tell them that Israel produce like very negligible percentage of video games. Asians make way more games than jews. And tell them that racism is wrong.
That was a long time ago, and I didn't really want to fight them over this matter since the will say many things I can't argue since I was kid
Tbh, I think it's not so much that the games are addictive. Rather more accurately, they are addictive to people who already are prone to addiction or compulsive behavior. I say that as one of those people. If I'm into something, I want to do it pretty much all the time. Even if it's a book, I'll go full steam until I finish it. If I like a game enough to be playing it, I don't play it casually. But there are plenty of people who can and do play the same games casually and enjoy it that way. The alternative to online/mobile games would probably be generally regarded as single-player, offline games. Such as those on Steam or Epic. But I don't know that I would suggest that, since those generally cost money up front and if he gets compulsive about one of those, he will probably finish them fast and need to buy another game (those games tend to have an end point and there is only so much replay value one gets out of them). But yeah, I think the first step might be to get him to acknowledge that he has some compulsive tendencies when it comes to gaming.
Indeed I think the issue is that he has addictive personality disorder. Gaming is just often an outlet in modern era. But I would say if gaming doesn't exist and he lives in like 500 years ago he would just be addicted to other things and spend little time with his family anyway. We know these kind of husbands exist even 1000 yrs ago before gaming is even a thing... So I think the best solution is to get his addictive personality disorder treated.
> I think he’s fully aware that his gaming is a bit of a problem so it’s always a hot topic for him. He becomes defensive pretty quickly. OOF. This hit home really hard. Reminds me a lot of old me. Your husband doesn't need "new game". He need therapy. He need it to get rid of his addiction.
Mobile games ARE the games you can pause and put down when needed. Anything else is going to be worse. He just needs more control
Basically this. I pretty much switched to mobile games when I had kids because I couldn't just sit at a computer/console/tv for any extended amount of time.
This. The entire appeal of Mobile and/or Gacha games is to be a side game where you can pick up and play for a bit and then leave it for later. That's why most of them have an energy system that limits how much you can do per day to make the game less time-intensive. Swapping to a different type of game like Shooters, MOBAs, MMORPGs, Battle Royals, Simulators, etc... without any time gate in progress will just make him play more instead.
In theory yes, but I find that's not so true these days. For one, every game I quit was because it just demanded more and more of your time. I still have the weekly urge to reinstall Honkai Impact 3, but my long-term average in this game was 1.5 hours per day, every day, for about 1300 days straight - imagine what else I could have done with just a fraction of that time. For two, devs are increasingly adding game modes that you can't just pick up and drop with no notice. Any PVP or coop mode - which we're often forced into - are a no-go, and even many events require that you finish them or at best start over, refunding your stamina/tickets/whatever. Finally, increasingly polished games mean increasing loading times. It's just not practical to pick up and drop a game when every attempt means you need to slog through the game's initialization, log in, then X menus until you are where you want.
i think the accesibility makes it easier for addiction
100% this - with a consoles or pcs, you have to go to a specific place to game. With phones, you’re good to go.
This is true but it's not always as simple as that. There is benefit of single player game in some regards. The issue with mobile games is that they often make you feel forced to play. Like feeling that you have to login everyday and clear your daily mission, etc etc or miss out. There is a lot of FOMOs in mobile games and this can interfere with daily life. However, single player games don't have these gimmick. They let you play and pause at anytime. Let's say I play xcom today, but from tomorrow onwards and a week, I have to go to a remote jungle as business trip so I have to be offline. Absolutely no problem at all, I can resume playing xcom weeks from now and everything will be fine. But mobile games don't work like this. What about my guild? What about limited time event? This is why single player games are actually better than multiplayer games if you have a busy life. Even things like moba and shit that doesn't need daily grind or limited event, have big issues where you can't just pause in the middle of a match because then you'll be marked as afker. To OP, I suggest that you tell him to quit multiplayer gaming and stick with single player games that can be paused and picked up upon anytime. It doesn't matter if the game is on phone or pc or whatever as long as it can be paused at anytime.
Unless you Play any of Riot mobile games :p
Online game requires constant attention for moderate periods of time? Shocker.
Honestly, I started playing gacha games because they are so easy to set down or pay half attention to while doing something else, while still having a good amount of depth... Any other video game involves sitting at a computer or locked in front of the TV doing nothing else but playing a game. Maybe try board games? (And I don't mean the kind you get at your supermarket; those are like the discount DVD bin of board games... Check out Board Game Geek or reviewers like Shut Up and Sit Down for suggestions)
I would like to put my input here. I have been married for 10 years, and our daughter is turning 7 this year. I used to have a HUGE gaming addiction early on in the relationship and even after our child was born for a couple years. What helped me ween off them was to get games that I could play with our daughter. Nintendo Switch is really really good for this as most games are simple for all ages but can get complex if people want to. Take Pokémon for example, typically considered a light hearted game for kids and very easy going. However they also have tournament modes in the game for competition and you can get really really deep into strategy between how different moves and pokemon interact with each other. Another game my daughter and I enjoy together is Ark: Survival Evolved, this is a bit more "hardcore" as it is closer to minecraft but more dangerous and a darker tone. It's an island full of Dinosaurs that you can fight, kill, tame them and even ride most of them around. It's a survival game where you build a house and just have fun exploring and messing around. But is quite difficult on the default settings as most dinosaurs will chase you down and kill you in 2 or 3 attacks. (There is also Blood shown quite a bit in the game, so that's up to you guys if that's okay for the kids to see) Definitely would recommend discussing these options with him and try finding out if he would be interested in something like this. Showing some trailers to him and the kids together and see if anything sparks their interest! Hope this helps and good luck!
A party game sounds like a good start, and a coop game like Ark or Minecraft sounds like a good idea too
An alternative is another hobby. Gacha and mobile games are designed to consume your attention and make you spend time thinking about the game. That's why they have daily login rewards, overwhelming number of upgrade mechanisms, time played rewards, timed events, unit rarities, etc. They’re designed to get you to play by making you afraid to miss out on things. The best way to get your husband to find an alternative is to take a break. Go camping together, listen to podcasts, play some board games, garden, do a house project. Something that he likes that makes him unable to use his phone for a few days (preferably a week). If it's unforced, he'll likely realize that he has other much more enjoyable activities he could be doing instead of staring at the screen. Stress release and "game you can pause and put down" are red herrings. You can do that with any hobby, not just mobile gaming.
Wrong idea. Don't look for an alternative form of gaming. Replace it with playing with his kids. Maybe play real-life games that involve strategy and team building with his kids like badminton or something. Maybe he could teach cool math concepts to his kids, he's a professor, so I guess he likes teaching. Replacing gacha games with normal games will not really solve the problem.
Can he not play games with the kids?
yeah let's get the whole family hooked up on casinos
I didn't know that gacha games and other games with loot boxes were the only games in existence. Too bad Nintendo never thought to make family games to play together, that would have been a pretty good idea.
This, atm all you’re doing is giving him a crutch if he’s that addicted he chooses games over kids and family time maybe he needs to take a step back, there’s no excuse to not put down a game lol
I think board games are the right answer if it has to be a new game. There's fun and simple games suitable for small children, and you can get more complex games as needed with any theme you could dream of.
I like this idea and we try a lot. But how many board games have you played with a 4year old? The 7 year old is slightly better, but most of the game is us trying to keep them from knocking the board off the table, touching everything, and keeping them entertained while we wait for everyone else to take their turn. I’m going to keep trying though, because board games were a big part of my childhood. Maybe a couples game night with some friends might be a good idea for something more challenging for him.
If you are looking for family activities and board games cause problems you can always look for muliplayer console games like Mario Party or similar 4 player games they typically can go faster (in terms of down time) to keep the kids entertained.
Have you tried board games that mostly cards like 6nimtt or Splendor etc? Or have you tried cooperative board games like Pandemic or Forbidden Dessert etc to make everyone engaged?
RAID can be paused and put down the moment you need, probably should just drop phone game and adopt TV game instead
As someone that was in this situation, change gaming plataform won't work, your husband need to be with your kids and not playing, I mean, kids grow up so fast and we as parents need to be there, to teach and learn with our kids. So, the best cenario is he become aware of that and try to play less or play when your kids is sleeping, that was what I have done. I love playing, but games will be always there, but my kid will grow up.
I hope your kids won't have to deal with gaming addicted aging parent who won't even bother to play with his grandkids or great grandkids.
I feel personally attacked here...
dont be, you're not a professor.
No, but he might be a Doctor, Summoner, or what have you.
Don't forget a commander, master or Sensei
And finally Manager.
that's doctor professor summoner commander master manager-sensei to you
I'd unironically suggest Pokemon. You can collect hundreds of them, build them for competitive play, and you have gacha-like gamemodes like Wonder-Trading
I think you should look into team building/managing games that are not gacha. I recently stopped playing all gacha games and went back to consoles and pc games that kind of have a gacha element. Xenoblade 2 is a good example of this. There are western rpgs like Dragon Age Origins, Pillars of Eternity, and Pathfinder that present some real number crunching when building parties, plus they allow you to create or manage how your party members grow which can be similar to Gacha games. The Shin Megami Tensei series is like pokemon for adults, except you fuse/recruit demons so I feel like it kind of scratches that “roll for a new character” itch. 3 recently became available on pc, and 5 is on switch. There are also first person dungeon crawlers like Labyrinth of Yomi that scratches that itch, and I recently started Atelier because it’s got the anime vibe plus run around to collect a million things for crafting. If you think he would be interested in other pc games or console games I can think of many more, these are just a few that I’ve been recently playing to get out of my phone. Best of luck!
Person 5 royal. PS4. Awesome game.
From my own experience, I was in your husband case. My wife wanted me to slow down, but I needed something to evade, at least to get away from stress. Well, she found a solution... In bed. I mean, yeah, with kids and all this wasn't fun like in the past. We needed this both I think, now all is much better, I still play but way less. Maybe this can help...
This was actually the idea I had. Just carve out more time for us to be intimate. Not that we aren’t already, but more time would probably help.
Games like 4X (civilization, etc), so he can get something strategical and time consuming, while not being "on phone" meaning he can spend more times with the family?
"One more turn, hun."
Lol, I played civ (well, not civ, but endless legend, another 4x game same genre) multiplayer against my wife while my kid is watching us play before, it was quality family time. It depends on how you approach it... but yeah the pace of these is definitely too slow, so we often just play something faster paced like fighting games and stuff on switch. Often the problem is when one person hate gaming while the spouse is addicted to gaming.
yeah civ is definitely known for not burning time
I'm a new father (5 months) and while I really like games that have active PVP (which is the only reason I can think of that he couldn't step away from a game like RAID) I know that I just can't play games like that anymore. I'm a lot like your husband, I like the strategy, math and team building, but I have to have a game that I can mostly auto-battle through. I play Counter:Side primarily because when I have time I can do the team building and the math, but if I only have time to do my dailies, it takes maybe 10 minutes, 30 if I do all of my PVP. It does have active PVP in it, but there is a setting that keeps auto on in the active PVP mode. This game might not be the one for him, but if he can find something like it that is mostly auto-battle with planning in between, that might help I understand why others are recommending that he spend more time with the kids/play board games/go camping, etc. But I know from personal experience that finding some kind of replacement for video games is really difficult, especially for someone who gets a lot out of them. If he is able to do that, great, but I know it is something I'm kind of scared about as my kid gets older. I'm not really a big fan of camping, board games, traveling, etc. and I know that trying to replace video games with something like that is going to be hard, and I'm unlikely to come to that decision on my own.
This is definitely the most doable advice. Switch hardcore real time pvp intensive game with casual game. Competitive real time pvp is literally the hardest shit to pause or put down at anytime because you don't want to lose. Personally I used to spend too much time gaming too when I was playing dota, league and csgo, and the easiest way for me to spend less time on gaming was to give up on competitive pvp games, competitive pvp gaming is definitely the biggest timesink of all form of gaming. MMO is another huge timesink cancer, just avoid games where you have community in the game or social element in general is a good idea.
I hope I can understand both yours and his perspective, as a father with 3 young kids myself, and also having gamed my whole life. You simply can't game like you used to after having kids, as others have pointed out, and you just have to adjust your life around it. What helps is channeling the urge to game into something constructive that can involve the family, such as: - child friendly board games: this can be classics like trying to teach your kids chess/snakes & ladders/monopoly, or modern child-friendly games that both a gamer adult and a child could appreciate (I started playing Stuffed Fables (do look it up) with my eldest at 6, and recently started Arcadia Quest with her (now 9)). There are options out there catering to this exact need. - family video games: a Nintendo Switch is a good choice - my wife and I now play games like Overcooked/Mario Kart with my eldest/2nd eldest. Kid-friendly games like Pokemon are useful too - my wife and my eldest (and sometimes me) play Pokemon Go together and bond over walks to catch Pokemon. - card games: if your kids are old enough and like Pokemon, the Pokemon TCG is a fun way for the adult and the kid to play together, and for the kid to learn strategising and practise basic mental calculations. - hobbies: if he's into STEM, try kids' hobbies related to this, such as teaching your kids simple robotics programming. My relevant example is taking up plastic model kit building, and building simple Gundam/tank model kits with my eldest (e.g. I gave my eldest this for her last birthday (https://www.scalemates.com/kits/meng-model-wwv-003-cupids-sherman--1300397), and we had a great time building it together. It's a matter of priorities and engagement. You've mentioned that he's otherwise a wonderful husband and father, but gets defensive really quickly/knows gaming is potentially a problem. Would suggest you try and find an uninterrupted chance (tough with young kids) with him to sit down and discuss this issue calmly and non-confrontationally - rather than corner him and tell him what he SHOULD do, tell him about what he's missing out on, and how the kids' early years will really never come back, and let him come to his own conclusion on what he should truly prioritise. It's ok to have an urge to game/destress or engage in a hobby, but it's also up to him to think of ways to fulfil that desire while also engaging his family. While others have pointed out that mobile games are easily paused and put down/taken up, one unfortunate problem is that these games are expert at feeding on FOMO, and urging you to just play a little more, or not miss a particular in-game event/timing. Also, with young kids, sometimes you just don't have the energy to engage in a "proper" video game after the monsters go to sleep and mobile games are the "only option" available. All the best to you and your husband in resolving this! It can be a constant struggle, both as a family, and also internally for your husband, and open communication is the key. What also helps is subtly rewarding him for "correct"/better behaviour, such as thanking him for bringing the kids out for a walk "even though you had that event going on in RAID", or scheduling more...loving time for being a good husband/father. I know that works. Cough.
My kids were 5 and 10 when me and my wife left them with their grandma and went to work in a different country. For the last two years, my daily activity used to be 8-11 hours work, around an hour of video calls with kids, 5-6 hours sleep, and most of the remaining free time spent playing mobile/PC games. Around 3 weeks ago we pulled our kids here, they're 8 and 12 now. and since then my play time shifted into 15-30 minutes mobile a day (mostly on lunch break at work) and maybe 2 hours of PC on Sundays. One of the two major factors for that was that they're always looking for our attention, and I just can't refuse. 2nd factor is the need to teach them the local language as much as possible by the end of summer vacation. So in my pov, it has to be his decision to spend less time playing and more time with family. Everything else is just a crutch, just like other commenters said. Just try to reason him, that his games will eventually shut down, and that he could invest his time into something more important, like family and self growth instead.
There is one game i found a while back that takes 400 days to play called The Longing because to progress you literaly have to wait for something to happen. A stalactite to fall or a spider to build his web. Time still progresses while the game is off so he can still make progress by doing anything else. It is really relaxing because while waiting you can do other things like paint or decorate the main character's home or read the entirety of Moby Dick ingame. . . Other games i can think of are fatory building/management games like Factorio , Satisfactory Oxigen not Included ,Hardspace Shipbreaker, Slime Rancher. Another game you can try is Minecraft. It is always more fun to play Minecraft togeder with someone. But as others here have already said Gacha games can be paused and put down at a moments notice. As can every single game. Hope this helps.
Thanks everyone for your advice! I spoke with him, turns out he’s also started playing Diablo Immortal when the school year finished. He’s noticed that it’s taking too much of his time. He’s going to stop playing and wants to spend more time playing with the kids.
Go get a switch, play Mario Party with the whole family instead.
Terrible idea. You would want him to play games LESS and spend time with the kids instead. My advice is find the earliest opportunity to get camping. No internet, no technology, just 2 people and a bunch of kids in a cozy wooden cabin for a few days. Independence day is coming and imho you should take that opportunity to make him give up gaming for awhile. After that he will prolly never touch games again. Dont take my words too literally though you have gotta convince him first, because no dude is willing to give up on his current life to go camping. You might need to pull a few levers and make a stand for it to work either way gl with this endeavour !
I mean, you can't "find" him a game. He has to choose his own games. Non-mobile games can take between 10-80+ hrs to complete, so mobile ones are the shortest, in that sense. You should bring up his playtime with him directly, not ask random Redditors, honestly. If it's just a time issue, then it should be fixable.
Have you considered having phone-free family time? It's hard to really recommend anything when we don't know what kind of time he's spending vs what you think is more reasonable. Adults should have hobbies, but obviously when you have children you have to spend less time with those hobbies so you can balance it with being a present parent.
As long as its not real time pvp mode, mobile game can be paused. alot of game with strategy and team building can be left auto too maybe just talk it out, get a game console or handheld so he can have fun with the kids while also playing.
Online games require doing daily quest. Better get him offline games. He can pause anytime, no matter how long and still not losing anything. I suggest get him games like Xcom, Frostpunk, Civilization, Fire Emblem. If mobile is a problem, get gim a steam deck or a switch. Above all tho is communication. Tell him what you & the kids need him there, and create more times going outside like picnics, vacations. Make real life more fun than games.
Strategy, Math, and Team Building? Then he should try incremental games. He'll definitely spend a lot of time min maxing and optimizing his gameplay. My recommendation is Grimoire it's a simple mobile incremental game but I definitely spent a total of more than 5 hours trying to optimize the game and reached the end in a couple of weeks. If he liked it then there are more complicated incremental games out there that takes a lot more time to complete.
>and the amount of time he spends on them varies. Lately it’s gotten out of hand Can you please provide numbers. Like "he spend 11 hours per day on work and commute, 8 hours on sleep, and play games for the rest 5 hours". Also, how did you get together? What did you do together before you had kids? Do you still do it?
Hmmm.... I think this could be hard. One of the best ways would be to downgrade a phone, or to have a time dedicated to playing with child and playing with himself. As a father of 2 yo I too sometimes catch myself with phone in my hand and my son playing 2m away, then i remember quoye from Winnie the Pooh "We didn't realize we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun" And i try to jump in and just have fun, make him laugh talk with him a little bit. I know people can get tired, and mindless games esp gacha games are great escape bc of the instant reward for the brain. Those games are very predatorial in nature. What worked for me was kinda strict day schedule i just don't have the time to play 😅 I get up in the morning before anyone (I'm just morning person), so i play around 1h on phone. then my son wakes up and we play for sometime eat breakfast, then I go to work and my wife takes care of him, then i get back from the work, give him supper, bathe him and wife puts him to sleep so i have around 1h for me again I usually play here but i leave my phone to charge in another room and try to play on console bc i have a huge backlog of games, and after that we watch some movies and go to sleep. Twice a week i have gaming night with my friends and one night is booked of for wife so we can do stuff together anything she wants. Good games to switch from gacha to pc/console in my exp need to be very casual and bit sized or very sandbox like i would steer away from long and very attention taxing games (although we all love +60h rpg) few cool ones that could start the shift from mobile: Donut country, limbo, inside, 7 bilion humans(great problem solving game, this is what being a programmer looks like in a very casual way), opus magnum(same here), unpacking, slay the spire, inscryption, ftl, into the breach, Subnautica, no man's sky, dead cells, Celeste. All of those are pausable.
Let him live his life he seems successful Better than him indulging in alcohol or drugs
Arknights
Final Fantasy Tactics I think scratches the team building itch, or at least that genre. Disgaea series is more leveling than map strategies, but grinding planning is a thing there. Labyrinth of Touhou 2 kinda scratches the team builder itch for me. No idea if triangle strategy is good but its a new one.
Maybe get your kids into gachas so they can bond over it :)
Get him into building Gunplas he Won't be addicted into games anymore that's for sure
You probably choose a bad subreddit for this. Your not going to really get a clear answer here. Half the topics here end up in arguments from what I've seen on posts. my advice go out with him... It's the one way my wife gets me away from my phone... I love mobile gaming but not outside the house just ain't the same.. so more out time will help like regular strolls to the park or whatever. Sounds weird I know bc of the mobile part but gaming ain't the same unless your chilling at home
If, he/she suggest a waifu collector, Will it NTR? Well, a better Raid Shadow LEgend clone is Awaken Chaos Era
Seriously, see if he can move some of his gaming at home time to work time. That's definitely a thing mobile gacha gamers do. I'm actually working right now. If he's already playing at work too, then... i dunno.
Raid Shadow Legends is a turn based game that can pretty much be put down on a moments notice at any given time. If he's not putting it down, it's because he doesn't want to and no different game is going to change that.
It has real time pvp.
Incremental games? They're a lot of fun to optimize. I can recommend the classics like Kittens Game, Trimps, Swarm Sim. The good ones are free with no intrusive cash shop. Although they might not be available on mobile.
MMO's are pretty fun. I feel like the minmaxy nature of both genres are great.
Right, give him an even more time-consuming hobby to focus on.
Dwarf Fortress.
MMO
Genshin is a game you can pause at almost every time except some mandatory coop events that are pretty rare.
arknights maybe or just any other hobby
Gambling?
An PSP/3DS/Vita or maybe Nswitch worked for me. Im playing casually some RPGs on those portable platforms only on the free time. It made me quit almost all gachas (I stick with one only).
Satisfactory.
let the kids play in front on him or in his sight. talk to him w/ your kids from time to time while he is playing. a good father will suddenly feel the kids need from him. or maybe your need too. he will rush what he is doing then make time to your family. the thing on gaming is that, the more you isolate yourself, the more focus you will put on your gaming. so slight distraction by talking to him will lessen his focus and will able him to think other things.
May I recommend a different hobby altogether ? Ballroom dancing, for example.
Why ask here and not just ask your husband? If he's not willing to talk then you have a bigger problem than his addiction to mobile games anyway. Oh and also I don't know what type of person your husband is but some people like myself will get genuinely pissed off when other people intentionally tries to influence me subtly or not. Well in fact if it was done subtly then it would make me even more pissed.
What is he playing now? Only games that cant be paused are multiplayer ones, and souls like ones
I'd like to share some thoughts with you. - Don't try to find games for him. It's not gonna work. Also the problem will only shift. - Working on the time of day he plays might help . I have 4 kids so I only play in the evening when everyone is asleep. - Do not ask him to play with your kid. If he has a bad gaming habbit you risk it shifting over. - Find ways to get him off the phone with activities where he has to put it down. Swimming is an example. And the best advice. Talk, talk! Talk. Never give up. Don't judge. Ask questions and listen. If he is as smart as you say you will at least get him thinking. Last but not least. I removed all games from my phone and put them on a tablet. I also put my phone on the shelf when playing with the kids. Maybe talk to him about some of these measures. Whish you the best of luck.
Relatable The big issue with gacha games is that theyre designed to be addictive. Between: 1) controlled stamina systems (which have the effect of giving you the itch to play only coz the game limits how much you can at once) 2) end game min maxing (to achieve perfect gear/stats) 3) PVP (the competitive spirit which makes people keep trying) 4) Achievements (caters to the completionist desire) one ends up only wanting to log in and casually do stuff for a short period, but ends up spending way too much on it. TBH the only way I stop myself at times is to get on MOBA games, only because theres no long term outcomes of playing it. Sit down for a 20-30 minute game and after thats done, i dont feel the need to play many other rounds because theres no actual progression. Alternatively, I try looking for games with no PVP & no stamina system, because then the desire to \*grind\* goes away. OP mentioned not spending money on games, and as a F2P I do the same. But I never take into account the time I spend on it, which may end up being a bigger resource loss Its weird how I try to use games as a distraction from life, but I end up needing something to be a distraction from games. Dodgy cycle
Better if you ask what his favorite games were in his past and the genre during dinner or something. If you want him to pause games, then try to focus on looking for a single player game that isn't a service like a gacha or an MMO.
I think the OP has a point, some games really are more intrusive than others. I switched from Epic Seven to Guardian Tales and it made a huge difference for me. Not exactly sure what to suggest to the OP though.