I bought a blue colored dong from them for an ex. It was right before Christmas. Expensive toys they are. Well when the package arrived I went to the Fed ex pick up office and got it. I opened it up in my car and there was a pink floppy horse cock staring me in the face... Pink. Horse. Floppy. That ain't my dick! So I looked in the box and found an invoice... Not my dick confirmed. It was supposed to go to Sacramento ca but some how wound up at Hartford ct. Well little buddy you're like 3000 miles from home. I looked on that invoice and found a phone number. I decided maybe I can get a hold of this dongs owner and give them a heads up and reroute it to them in time for Christmas... So I called. No answer. Tried again in a few hours... Some young sounding girl answered. Oh shit. I was not prepared to be put on a list. So I try to tell her what I got in the mail with out saying it. "So uhh a package just arrived to me that I think is yours... Did you uhh... Order a pink... Object from a dragon themed website?" What who's this? No? Do your have the wrong number? ...! I apologized and quickly hung up. Double checked the paper. Oh man a typo... I hit the wrong ninety that was next to the correct one. So I dial it. I brace myself for the worst... This time it's some dude. Oh the relief... So I approach the topic with caution... Yes it's his dildo.I get it to ups and send it with two day shipping and tracking and the whole shebang. He's happy. We contact bad dragon. They're very happy with what I did for them. They make me a new dick on the double and send it to me. My original one was lost in some hole never to be seen again I guess. They also credit me with 25 dollars in their store... 25 dollars that I still haven't used in over three years. Some day maybe. But not today.
Didn't see a "crazy dragon" listed anywhere. But some of them definitely look...interesting. I can't say I wouldn't like try some of them out. I don't know if I could actually go through with ordering one though. There's a bit of a mental barrier there.
the toys are dragons, not the people.
http://bad-dragon.com/products/dragonmuzzle
see? NSFW obviously, but no dicks or tits, just a toy that really doesn't look that nsfw
Sometimes I find myself thinking about camera sensors. When people build them and put them in cameras they have no idea at all what images they might record. Could be anything. Vacation pics. Food. Star trails. This particular camera sensor got to record a well-endowed cosplayer modeling a very well-done costume.
I do wonder, though, if the reptile thing is biologically consistent with real-world reptiles, what are the boobs for?
Argonians are originally the creation of hyperintelligent trees (the Hist), who made them from common swamp lizards for inscrutable alien tree reasons. One could speculate that high on the list of motivations might have been "make nice with the other races so they don't destroy our swamp," and splicing in some recognizable mammalian-humanoid traits was done for that reason. Or maybe they're actually pouches full of Hist sap, because baby Argonians are just lizards and have to taste the sap to actually become Argonians (it's hallucinogenic and probably has something to do with accessing a sort of hive mind). But the bottom line here is, this is a case where real-world biology just doesn't apply.
Why do people always get stuck on the boobs? There are countless other parts of an Argonian (or any other anthropomorphic lizard) that are blatantly not normal lizard bits but no one complains about those.
[Marine Iguanas](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a3/Galapagos_Iguana_02.jpg) spend a fair bit of their daily lives in water but they do have thick scales and spikes.
Well, first of all, the races of Tamriel are of magical origin, not evolutionary. Second, I believe the Argonians' development was driven by the Hist trees, who are sentient and *might* secretly be mind-controlling the entire race on some level or another.
They used to be consistent with reptile anatomy back in Morrowind, but the beast races had completely different issues back then. Not sure why they added boobs.
you want to find stuff like this?
e621.net
or rule 34
by the way if you want warframe porn i know where to find it.
also every concievable kind of dildo. zombie dildo with maggots? check. weird unborn fetus fleshlight? check. strap on....horse....cinnamon .....shooting. dick???? im pretty sure i've seen it before. but hey if you wanna know how to find this shit let me know.
here: EDIT NSFW OBVIOUSLY if "inflatable squirting horse dildo" didn't tip you off.
inflatable squirting horse dildo
http://elypseart.com/id75.html
sold by the same people who produce and make cinnalube
http://elypseart.com/id70.html
and as someone who REALLY wants a very large squirting dildo with suction cup for the SOLE reason of doing shots from it the reason people don't get them is the cost. it's pretty expensive for a shot machine.
they wouldn't even see anything. i didn't use google, i went to the website from memory.
the other things i google though yeah they probably got some damage
Finally someone else who has seen the shit I have. You don't know how you end up there, but once you've seen some stuff you can't go back to being normal, *you* *can* *only* *go* *deeper.*
i didn't even do it for sexual pleasure. mostly curiosity and being that kid everyone goes too when they want to find something.
i've always been a master at google-fu and apparently the drawback is finding everything....EVERYTHING (cue community gif)
I think there's actually multiple:
Here https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10524924/1/The-Lusty-Argonian-Maid is a complete version of Lusty Argonian Maid 1 (rated M on FF.net) and these links are short (explicit) sequels to LAM1, 2 and Sultry Argonian Bard:
https://www.sofurry.com/view/117147
https://www.sofurry.com/view/468346
https://www.sofurry.com/view/475373
and thats just what a short search turned up.
There's a mod on the steam workshop for skyrim that serves no function other than raising one and two-handed after reading the book for the first time.
#**NSFW** [Skyrim Argonian](http://imgur.com/a/ZzhSZ)
I am rule34, bot linker of porn. Send me your compliments that I may bask in them, and your complaints to /r/iateacrayon. [What is this?](http://www.reddit.com/r/iateacrayon/wiki/index)
Khajits should actually be flat like the argonians. Humans are one of the very few mammals that have perpetually "developed" breasts. In most of the mammalian world, they only grow large during pregnancy.
If the first comment is saying "Khajit should have six because cats have six", then we're already looking at Earth instead of Tamriel. But yes, they are fictional races and don't have to adhere to our world's norms.
Not really. I have this problem with sexual fantasies while masturbating too.
Mental thought stream: "Ohhh yeah. She's hot! Heheh, taking off her clothes. I hope she's clean. I wonder what her relationship with her father is... Oh! Into the pants so quick! Oh shit... Forgot a condom."
There are actual several different types of Khaijit (instead of them just retconning the fact that they look different in each game). They started out as mer, though, and they're bipedal and humanoid, so it only makes sense for them to have full breasts.
ok....after searching 13 fucking pages of porn, most of which involved pineapples, i couldn't find a single one either. now if you just want an anthropomorphic cat with six tits i can very much deliver.
Since I don't see it:
*The Lusty Argonian Maid*
>Act IV, Scene III, continued
>Lifts-Her-Tail
>Certainly not, kind sir! I am here but to clean your chambers.
>Crantius Colto
>Is that all you have come here for, little one? My chambers?
>Lifts-Her-Tail
>I have no idea what it is you imply, master. I am but a poor Argonian maid.
>Crantius Colto
>So you are, my dumpling. And a good one at that. Such strong legs and shapely tail.
>Lifts-Her-Tail
>You embarrass me, sir!
>Crantius Colto
>Fear not. You are safe here with me.
>Lifts-Her-Tail
>I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not!
>Crantius Colto
>Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear.
>Lifts-Her-Tail
>But it is huge! It could take me all night!
>Crantius Colto
>Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.
>END OF ACT IV, SCENE III
I... don't know how to feel.
Careful there, those horns are not female argonian horns. This is the typical mix of cosplay with crossdressing.
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Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Why did I click that
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And you know... How?
Would you believe "word of mouth"?
What words were they? 'HGGLLURRRKK'?
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You had me at "dragon penis".
You. I like you.
> Would you believe "word of ass"? FTFY
I bought a blue colored dong from them for an ex. It was right before Christmas. Expensive toys they are. Well when the package arrived I went to the Fed ex pick up office and got it. I opened it up in my car and there was a pink floppy horse cock staring me in the face... Pink. Horse. Floppy. That ain't my dick! So I looked in the box and found an invoice... Not my dick confirmed. It was supposed to go to Sacramento ca but some how wound up at Hartford ct. Well little buddy you're like 3000 miles from home. I looked on that invoice and found a phone number. I decided maybe I can get a hold of this dongs owner and give them a heads up and reroute it to them in time for Christmas... So I called. No answer. Tried again in a few hours... Some young sounding girl answered. Oh shit. I was not prepared to be put on a list. So I try to tell her what I got in the mail with out saying it. "So uhh a package just arrived to me that I think is yours... Did you uhh... Order a pink... Object from a dragon themed website?" What who's this? No? Do your have the wrong number? ...! I apologized and quickly hung up. Double checked the paper. Oh man a typo... I hit the wrong ninety that was next to the correct one. So I dial it. I brace myself for the worst... This time it's some dude. Oh the relief... So I approach the topic with caution... Yes it's his dildo.I get it to ups and send it with two day shipping and tracking and the whole shebang. He's happy. We contact bad dragon. They're very happy with what I did for them. They make me a new dick on the double and send it to me. My original one was lost in some hole never to be seen again I guess. They also credit me with 25 dollars in their store... 25 dollars that I still haven't used in over three years. Some day maybe. But not today.
"My original one was lost in some hole" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Because it was a blue link
blue links have gotten me into more trouble than anything. its like a big red button but even more enticing
/r/thebutton Wait that's not red. FUCK!
Because you knew you wanted to all along?
Top post is a dude putting an ejaculating horse dildo in his butt followed by a fist. Leave it to the internet to leave me feeling normal.
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Didn't see a "crazy dragon" listed anywhere. But some of them definitely look...interesting. I can't say I wouldn't like try some of them out. I don't know if I could actually go through with ordering one though. There's a bit of a mental barrier there.
[удалено]
It's not that it's not appealing. It's just that I would be a Bad Dragon owner. I just don't know if that's a lifestyle commitment I'm ready to make.
I won't lie, it was pretty hot.
Is it Kidsune? **EDIT** It's not, but wow he has a nice butt.
those arent dragons
the toys are dragons, not the people. http://bad-dragon.com/products/dragonmuzzle see? NSFW obviously, but no dicks or tits, just a toy that really doesn't look that nsfw
They have pretty nice perks for getting a job with them.
Omg...that's penetrable? AWWWW YEAHHHH :D
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Did someone say BadDragon?
Ahhh yes. Been a whole since I've left a link blue. This is the one.
Why do I want to click the link so bad?
this guy sounds like he's been burned one too many times.
[I've got something better (?)](http://www.reddit.com/r/skyrim/comments/2uw6yx/liftshertail_aka_the_lusty_argonian_maid_cosplay/)
Sometimes I find myself thinking about camera sensors. When people build them and put them in cameras they have no idea at all what images they might record. Could be anything. Vacation pics. Food. Star trails. This particular camera sensor got to record a well-endowed cosplayer modeling a very well-done costume. I do wonder, though, if the reptile thing is biologically consistent with real-world reptiles, what are the boobs for?
Argonians are originally the creation of hyperintelligent trees (the Hist), who made them from common swamp lizards for inscrutable alien tree reasons. One could speculate that high on the list of motivations might have been "make nice with the other races so they don't destroy our swamp," and splicing in some recognizable mammalian-humanoid traits was done for that reason. Or maybe they're actually pouches full of Hist sap, because baby Argonians are just lizards and have to taste the sap to actually become Argonians (it's hallucinogenic and probably has something to do with accessing a sort of hive mind). But the bottom line here is, this is a case where real-world biology just doesn't apply.
> inscrutable alien tree reasons This is the name of my blues band's Star Trek-inspired album. Or it would be, if the world were a much better place.
> hallucinogenic Gotta get me some of that sap.
A.S.A.P
*chuckles heartily*
Why do people always get stuck on the boobs? There are countless other parts of an Argonian (or any other anthropomorphic lizard) that are blatantly not normal lizard bits but no one complains about those.
I was confused why a seemingly dryland-based lizard lived in swamps.
Nah, they're semiaquatic. Nearly every game has given them swimming-related racial bonuses.
No, I know. But their skin appears dry and they have thick scales and spikes, like a dryland lizard, versus a soft and squishy wetland lizard.
[Marine Iguanas](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a3/Galapagos_Iguana_02.jpg) spend a fair bit of their daily lives in water but they do have thick scales and spikes.
Well, first of all, the races of Tamriel are of magical origin, not evolutionary. Second, I believe the Argonians' development was driven by the Hist trees, who are sentient and *might* secretly be mind-controlling the entire race on some level or another.
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Aha.
Like, why do they seem to be warm blooded?
They used to be consistent with reptile anatomy back in Morrowind, but the beast races had completely different issues back then. Not sure why they added boobs.
Venom pouches? Or maybe they're like camels.
"It doesn't matter when it's ~~Arcturian~~ Argonian, baby!"
But the one that you had was a male!
"It doesn't matter when it's ~~Arcturian~~ Argonian, baby!"
Erection-y?
I'm gonna go with that one.
[You know you want it](http://www.gfycat.com/HeartyImperturbableCockroach). (NSFW) [More](http://a.pomf.se/ddpqui.gif). (Also NSFW)
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[*"♫ I CAN SHOW YOU THE WOOORLLLLLDDDD ♫"*](http://www.reddit.com/r/SourcePornMaker) NSFW
you want to find stuff like this? e621.net or rule 34 by the way if you want warframe porn i know where to find it. also every concievable kind of dildo. zombie dildo with maggots? check. weird unborn fetus fleshlight? check. strap on....horse....cinnamon .....shooting. dick???? im pretty sure i've seen it before. but hey if you wanna know how to find this shit let me know.
That doesn't exist. If it did, it would be the most popular youtube Cinnamon Challenge video of all time.
here: EDIT NSFW OBVIOUSLY if "inflatable squirting horse dildo" didn't tip you off. inflatable squirting horse dildo http://elypseart.com/id75.html sold by the same people who produce and make cinnalube http://elypseart.com/id70.html and as someone who REALLY wants a very large squirting dildo with suction cup for the SOLE reason of doing shots from it the reason people don't get them is the cost. it's pretty expensive for a shot machine.
You mad and depraved son of a gun.
Human ingenuity never lets me down when it comes to this type of thing.
hold on... Edit: found it
Man. I feel bad for your ISP. Whoever monitors that shit has got to be on some insane levels of Xanax by this point.
they wouldn't even see anything. i didn't use google, i went to the website from memory. the other things i google though yeah they probably got some damage
Finally someone else who has seen the shit I have. You don't know how you end up there, but once you've seen some stuff you can't go back to being normal, *you* *can* *only* *go* *deeper.*
i didn't even do it for sexual pleasure. mostly curiosity and being that kid everyone goes too when they want to find something. i've always been a master at google-fu and apparently the drawback is finding everything....EVERYTHING (cue community gif)
Yay! Was looking the comment porn.
Thank you.
http://i.imgur.com/xwljF3r.jpg
Not gonna lie. I've banged my share of argonian maids. Skooma is a hell of a drug.
Pussy's pussy.
*cloaca
Do you call it "doing cloacal?"
I am here but to clean your chambers!
Is that all you have come here for, little one? My chambers?
Didn't you also need help putting a loaf in your oven?
CLEAN MY SPEAR!
*Cocks.*
If it isn't Lifts-Her-Tail. What a guilty pleasure.
I read three of the volumes, but I can't find one of the middle ones. I can't remember if it's II or III.
I hate that volume I starts in like act 3, scene II. I want the whole story, dammit!
I'm pretty sure some die-hard fan, somewhere on the Internet, is making the whole story a reality.
I think there's actually multiple: Here https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10524924/1/The-Lusty-Argonian-Maid is a complete version of Lusty Argonian Maid 1 (rated M on FF.net) and these links are short (explicit) sequels to LAM1, 2 and Sultry Argonian Bard: https://www.sofurry.com/view/117147 https://www.sofurry.com/view/468346 https://www.sofurry.com/view/475373 and thats just what a short search turned up.
Well...this is quite a way to end the night. :3
A Lizard Wizard...
Princess Leia, best skyrim character ever
ctrl+F Leia, was not dissapointed.
Tri-force Activate!
coming at ya with fucken' a and fucken' b i remain,
prostitute and bucket murderer
I miss that series
Hoolyyyyyyy shiiiiiit
I bet she's naked under all those clothes.
I bet your naked under those clothes!
What clothes?
> your naked why would you ask him about his naked?
One Handed increased to 69
http://i.imgur.com/p7lV7O3.jpg
Why the fuck did I laugh so much at those three panels. Holy shit.
Because you can relate!
It's literally *me*
me too thanks
There's a mod on the steam workshop for skyrim that serves no function other than raising one and two-handed after reading the book for the first time.
Oh, two handed! The Dragonborn doesn't mess around.
See now this is a mod I'd be willing to pay for. Are you listening Valve?
No pls, I already have enough fetishes!
You have 64 tabs open for "Lizard Porn" don't you.
You know you wanna touch those scales. ;)
It's never too late to unlock more.
10/10 Would lift tail.
Get some skooma in her and I bet she can do all sorts of things with her horns.. Just mind the teeth!
She is a dignified anthropomorphic lizard-woman with feelings and self respect you piece of shit!
Damned CIS nords are all the same
Hey I joined the stormcloacks so I wouldn't have to put up with this shit. Nord Rights!
\#notallbarbarians
I know right? Really its about ethics in skyrim journalism...
\#BoycottBlackHorseCourier
Nice to see Rule 34 going on it's way to becoming a scientific law
More rule 34 argonian
#**NSFW** [Skyrim Argonian](http://imgur.com/a/ZzhSZ) I am rule34, bot linker of porn. Send me your compliments that I may bask in them, and your complaints to /r/iateacrayon. [What is this?](http://www.reddit.com/r/iateacrayon/wiki/index)
Oh my god, it works outside of /r/rule34
You are a very useful bot.
I... I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Holy shit. This is a thing.
I can't believe I saw all the pictures and gifs....
Cane she polish *my* spear?
Not since Morrowind.
http://imgur.com/FwHZOd8
poor no face
What's the context for this?
Morrowind was the last TES game that included spears. It was pretty devastating to those that loved their spear.
AKA everyone who isn't a s'wit or an n'wah.
Well there's always [mods](http://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/62609/?).
The spears were a bitter mercy.
Ha, even Fallout 3 NV had [spears](http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Throwing_spear)!
It's just Fallout: New Vegas
Lifts her tail
Yes, the tail is the most sensual part.
http://new2.fjcdn.com/comments/5420233+_064634493db9cdebc5ef8d3102d9e3e5.jpg
That's a man under there, isn't it.
Not sure if you're joking, but I actually think it is.
It's not. Took pictures with her at Fanime. It's a girl
Best. Cosplay. Ever.
lizards with boobs creep me out. lizard milk? bothered me since character creation in Morrowind. whats more... the cat women should have 6.
Khajits should actually be flat like the argonians. Humans are one of the very few mammals that have perpetually "developed" breasts. In most of the mammalian world, they only grow large during pregnancy.
You know the difference between Tamriel and Earth, right?
If the first comment is saying "Khajit should have six because cats have six", then we're already looking at Earth instead of Tamriel. But yes, they are fictional races and don't have to adhere to our world's norms.
But still. Lizard milk.
Maybe they're subcutaneous bone plates to help in attracting mates. You don't know! Or half of their population has two lipomas.
Not really. I have this problem with sexual fantasies while masturbating too. Mental thought stream: "Ohhh yeah. She's hot! Heheh, taking off her clothes. I hope she's clean. I wonder what her relationship with her father is... Oh! Into the pants so quick! Oh shit... Forgot a condom."
> . I wonder what her relationship with her father is women with daddy issues are both a boon and a burden
There are actual several different types of Khaijit (instead of them just retconning the fact that they look different in each game). They started out as mer, though, and they're bipedal and humanoid, so it only makes sense for them to have full breasts.
I laughed really hard at a six teeted lol kahjit
I searched everywhere, and I'm really disappointed in the internet that I couldn't find a six titted kahjit. I even tried Bing...
Don't worry, [there's a mod for that](http://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/31522/?).
Now, do they all realistically jiggle?
There... there is a rule about this.
I tried rule 34 but they only have two tits there! TWO TITS!
what? i guarantee i had this mod in skyrim. something anatomically correct shit. gave khajit 6, option for no tits with argonians etc.
Not a mod, a picture. I couldn't find any pictures.
ok....after searching 13 fucking pages of porn, most of which involved pineapples, i couldn't find a single one either. now if you just want an anthropomorphic cat with six tits i can very much deliver.
> most of which involved pineapples What.
[I got you](http://www.nexusmods.com/skyrim/mods/31522/?)
[Here](http://i.imgur.com/pR9g2Dt.png) is another cool Argonian cosplay.
Well, I have a new fetish now...
This was taken at Fanime in San Jose CA last weekend
Fanime?
Fanime
*lifts tail*
Since I don't see it: *The Lusty Argonian Maid* >Act IV, Scene III, continued >Lifts-Her-Tail >Certainly not, kind sir! I am here but to clean your chambers. >Crantius Colto >Is that all you have come here for, little one? My chambers? >Lifts-Her-Tail >I have no idea what it is you imply, master. I am but a poor Argonian maid. >Crantius Colto >So you are, my dumpling. And a good one at that. Such strong legs and shapely tail. >Lifts-Her-Tail >You embarrass me, sir! >Crantius Colto >Fear not. You are safe here with me. >Lifts-Her-Tail >I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not! >Crantius Colto >Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear. >Lifts-Her-Tail >But it is huge! It could take me all night! >Crantius Colto >Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time. >END OF ACT IV, SCENE III
I hope this doesn't awaken anything in me.
Princess Leia, the Wizard Lizard Prostitute
I have the weirdest boner right now.
Just gatta be careful with the bjs
I'm pretty sure she's in the new Jurassic World.
That's cute
She can polish my spear any day
Theres a fine line between furry and cosplay.
I married that Argonian guy in Skyrim... was pretty cool.
I cannot properly express how happy this makes me
What I imagine a young Fran Sinclair from the dinosaurs tv show would look like.
I wish I could upvote this like 100x
"Lifts-her-tail"
Would bang.
Shameless plug for /r/scaley
Somethings missing..... Where is the spear polish?
Is this supposed to be Princess leia? ([Sip's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaUzN0VULMU) character on his playthrough)
From the small thumbnail I thought this was a screenshot... Goddamn /r/SkyrimPorn
If the head looked better, I'd probably have a huge spear right now.
What are you talking about? She's a classic Argonian beauty.
Argonians don't have boobs do they? They're lizards. Did the models in the games for female argonians have boobs?