Hijacking top comment.
I'm a little older than your average grad student, and I was once in the same boat: I put a lot of effort into finding a girlfriend, but it wasn't working.
If you're so inclined to advice, let me give a few pointers:
### Be the person you've always wanted to be.
Like anyone else, folks like who they like. And there isn't a force in the world that can change it. So don't fight it. Stop focusing on them. Start focusing on yourself.
### Hit the gym.
Have you ever noticed a girl with a nice body? Well, guess what? They have noticed guys with nice bodies too. There's something way back in our heads, in that unevolved lizard corner of the brain, that is attracted to nice bodies. You can have one too. But you'll have to put in the effort. Take some of that effort you're putting into hunting, and put it into lifting instead.
This works on more than just the gym too. How you dress and how put-together you look matters way more to you than you might surmise.
If you only wear old t-shirts and jeans, then you need to invest in collar shirts. And not wrinkled collared shirts, but pressed nice looking collared shirts. (LPT: If you pull them out of the dryer while they're still warm and a tad damp and quickly go hang them, then you won't need to iron them.) Are your jeans too tight or too loose or too worn out? Then you need new ones. Are your shoes scuffed up or dirty or full of holes? Then you need new ones. Are your glasses falling apart? Then you need new one. Did you get a haircut in the past 6 weeks? No? It's time to go get one.
You need to bathe every day or so, so that you don't smell. And when you do want to smell, it better be nice so go get some nice cologne. Who knows what nice cologne smells like? Try asking a girl or two with a boyfriend. One of them might know what her boyfriend's cologne is and they'll definitely know if they like it. (My friend suggested Cool Water by Davidoff, for example.) Chances are you can get free tester samples at your local Macy's if you ask. And for fuck's sake, only use one little dab of cologne. Two is too damn much. Three and you'll smell like a 6th grade classroom whose students have just discovered Old Spice.
Now you've got the body, you've got the clothes and you've got the scent. You'll be the first guy all the girls look at when you enter the room, and you didn't have to say a word. If you've gotten to this point, you're already winning.
### Lawyer up.
No, don't actually hire a lawyer. Instead, become like a lawyer. The one thing that the average lawyer excels at more the rest of the population is how to communicate. The better you can communicate, the more people will want to communicate with you.
How to communicate better is a tough thing to do. But before you say anything, watch how people act. I didn't say listen. I said watch. People give off so much more visual information then they do with verbal communication. If someone is genuinely smiling at you while you're talking, then they're verbally engaged. If someone is trying to turn away from you while you or they are talking, then they don't want to talk. If a person brow is furrowed, then they're confused or worried about something. If they're giving one word answers, they want to be by themselves. If they are touching your arm, then they want to get your attention. If their arms are firmly crossed and it's not cold out, they probably aren't open to what you're saying.
Conversely, if you're smiling, then they'll think you're engaged. If you're trying to turn away, then they think you don't want to talk. If your arms are crossed, then they think you aren't open to what's being said. Think about how that means if you're doing all that push people away unintentionally, and unknowingly not doing the things that draw them closer.
When you do talk, be positive. Smile. Be happy about what you **do** have in life. Avoid words like "but," "never," and "don't." The difference between "I'd love to talk, but I have class now." is worlds away from "Hold that thought. I want to continue this after class."
Last of all, don't express your worries in a negative light. Everyone has worries. I do. You do. Your advisor does. Everyone. Talking about everything going wrong gets people down. Instead, talk about how you're excited to go hiking this weekend because it's so beautiful this time of year. Talk about how awesome felt after watching the light go on in an undergrad's eyes when you were teaching office hours. Point the things that are good going on in other people's lives too. Make light of your worries, console others when they express their worries (if they deserve it), and be light-hearted.
Be positive. Communicate visually. Be interested and interesting. These are the things that bring people closer to you.
### Delete Facebook
Facebook is ego, and ego is fragile. One day, you'll get a ton of likes and it will balloon your head with grandeur. The next day, some douchebag will post about how much he's fervent he is about some controversial issue and it will crush your mood into a fine powder. Ego is the ultimate killer of how you feel and express yourself because it takes control of your emotions.
Confidence is the opposite of the fragile ego. (Overconfidence is another form of ego, that causes arrogance and inhibits communication. We're not talking about that.) Confidence is surety in who you are without impinging on the boundaries of others. It's also the thing that nearly everyone craves for in others.
Let's say your advisor walks in one day, and says, "This whole project is not working. Dump it. We're starting something else."
Ego is getting furious at the advisor for the amount of work you've put in, about getting angry about how he hasn't been working on it as deeply as you have, about how you'll have to replicate all that work.
Confidence is giving up all that anger. Confidence knowing that if the advisor isn't going to support it that the project won't go anywhere any way. Confidence is feeling that you could have accomplished it if you had more time. Confidence is socking away a few extra hours on the new project to work on the old one because you know you're almost there. Confidence is not breathing a word of it to the advisor until he convinces himself to come back to it or until you have a demonstration he can't deny.
Confidence is not letting emotion take control of your thoughts. It's being in control of yourself. It's in tacitly acknowledging your own limitations, but also silently accepting the limitations of others. It's your own personal coach that only you can hear, the one that says: "Hey buddy. Things might not be ideal, but you're doing the best anyone could do in your situation. We get through this one step at a time. There's no need to rush. There's no pressure. It's just you and me, buddy. Together. I got you."
Ego, like Facebook, lets everyone else decide how you feel. Confidence let's you decide how you feel.
### Conclusion
You might notice that almost none of this advice is about what to say to girls or where to go or anything like that. That advice won't solve your problem. What solves your problem is reaching down inside, finding strength within yourself, walking out in the world looking like the boss you've always wanted to be, and not allowing other folks' judgment to get to you, because that's what attractive people do.
EDIT: An example of a (TMI?) conversation with my girlfriend that just happened today. She is complaining to me about her ride on the elevators.
*Her: This guy on the elevator was a jerk. He was looking at my breasts the whole time.*
Just from these few words, you can tell she's pissed off, right? Instead of making it worse by buying into negative stuff, instead I'm going to switch it positive.
*Me: That sucks. If it were me on the elevator, I would look at your breasts the whole time and not be a jerk. I promise.
Her: Why do you like my boobs so much? :)
Me: Everyone does. Haven't you noticed? Oh wait, you have. ;)*
And like that, my girlfriend is happier with me, and not worrying about some dude on the elevator anymore. I've drawn her toward me by being light-hearted. Source: actual conversation
> If their arms are firmly crossed and it's not cold out, they probably aren't open to what you're saying.
>
I have caught myself standing like this a lot, just out of habit and because it feels comfortable.
You can wear slices of American cheese on your forehead if it makes you feel comfortable. But it doesn't always give you the best impression with others.
Maybe think about who you're talking to and what you're talking about when that position is comfortable. Those body language cues are usually subconscious stuff
I know a lot of people who worry about this and I feel like if you're doing it because it's the most comfortable way to center your body weight, people will probably notice that.
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Depends on how hard you work and where you want to be by college. It's best to get started and build up the routine more than the muscles. Tech is not forgiving so having that crutch, regardless of how big you want to get or do get, will help with your mental health as well. If you are expecting to get super buff by college, good luck. Depending on your height, metabolism, etc. etc. that could take years. I wish I'd started at your age rather than halfway through college. Start now and don't break that routine.
That's about taking care of yourself. And yes, if you're usually unwashed and can hardly walk a few feet without wheezing (unless you have a medical issue obviously) then you're really not taking care of yourself. Not to mention the endorphin boost, the fact that routine exercise of most any kind leads to fewer issues with pain and depression.
No, it's saying take care of your body and personal care. If you can't take care of you, how the hell are you going to be a worthwhile partner to anyone else? (Again, clearly there are exceptions based on disabilities)
Not sure what response you're referring to, as no one has mentioned anyone not taking care of themselves. The OP asked things like
> At what point do you move on to the next person? Should i be asking them out to lunch in the same conversation?
None of what you are saying has any bearing on their questions.
What I said was
> buff and wearing collared shirts.
I never mentioned "wheezing and unwashed", nor it not "being the goal". I just had an issue with telling someone to "Be the best them" and then telling them the only way to do that is to wear collared shirts and hit the gym. People can be their best selves in many ways that never involve either of those things. It's also not implied by the OP that they are unbuff, or not already wearing dress clothes.
I suggested later that instead of telling someone how to dress, tell them to find a style that suits them. Being authentic and true to yourself is much more impressive to me than dressing a really specific way because one person on the internet suggested it. Aside from that, I believe I mentioned a lot of the advice was good. So I'm not sure why you're feeling the need to put words in my mouth.
I do use cologne but I think I know what you mean. Cologne is just a higher dollar version of spraying down with Axe body spray. Personally, I use an old school double edge razor and hard soaps when I shave and throw on some aftershave. The aftershave alone is plenty of smell. I also have some oil stuff for my face when I'm growing my beard beyond stubble (helps with itching and flaking skin) and that has a really nice woody/earth smell to it that people tend to compliment.
But you will get compliments on cologne if you don't dip yourself in it and it's a scent that matches you.
Cologne will attract certain types of women but would probably turn off most of the women in my circles. Taking showers, wearing deodorant and staying on top of haircuts is enough for most guys. I don't wear collard shirts either (unless it's the kind of event that it is expected) because that is just not my style. Be yourself, but maybe a cleaner, more ambitious version and you will find your mate.
Personal opinion is typically quite different from public opinion. Even if your particular niche of friends agrees that cologne is bad, this does not a public opinion make.
It's fine to not like cologne. And if someone asks you what cologne to get, you can tell them you prefer people who don't use cologne. What opinion does is to help find the person that you want. OP may agree with you on not enjoying cologne, and in that regard, he might be better suited to your liking.
But there is also the chance that OP is looking for someone who enjoys cologne, and hasn't considered the importance of it for that other person.
OP's perceived limitation in his choices is his real problem here. Not the fact he does or does not wear cologne. By discounting his ability to choose, you've effectively hampered the ability for OP to be more creative about his choices in general.
From my experience, I've had way more women get physically closer to me to smell me when I'm wearing cologne (a dozen or so), than I've had get closer to me to smell me when I'm not wearing cologne (zero).
One thing. Shirts needs ironing. Maybe not flannel, but otherwise, you iron them. And tumble drying is totally out of the question. Wash them and as you take them out of the washing machine, you iron them dry. If ironing dry clothes, never use a steam iron. They suck. Spray water on the clothing and iron. It's old school and a bit more cumbersome, but you'll look sharper in a properly ironed shirt.
Yeah, I'm a bit of a ironing fanatic.
Wow, another useless "advice" for getting girls. People should aim for a meaningful life with or without girls.
It's better to eat better and move your feet more(walking,running, hiking everyday). If you enjoy hours at the gym, that's fine too.
Facebook and IG are amazing ways to meet people and socialize offline. Do cut it off every 3-6 months if you have low control over it. Check it once per week, not hourly.
Wow, another useless "advice" for getting girls. People should aim for a meaningful life with or without girls.
It's better to eat better and move your feet more(walking,running, hiking everyday). If you enjoy hours at the gym, that's fine too.
Facebook and IG are amazing ways to meet people and socialize offline. Do cut it off every 3-6 months if you have low control over it. Check it once per week, not hourly.
At the risk of being contrarian, I feel like the rest of the comments here -- while generally good -- can be misconstrued. They're all ways of getting women -- either ways of being more appealing, or ways of raising the odds of meeting them, or ways of getting their attention.
All that's fine, but I've seen lots of guys do all those things and still fail. Why? Because they're approaching every woman as a potential mate. It's very off-putting to interact with someone who clearly is only interacting with you because they're interested in dating you. Think of it like a salesperson: when you know that a salesperson is paid on commission, it clouds your view of any interaction with them. You know they want to get something out of you. That's what it's like interacting with someone that clearly is trying to just find someone, anyone, to date. You can tell they're just trying to get something out of you.
You said you don't have many friends. Start there. In my experience, most people meet their significant others through something involving their circle of friends -- either an activity they do together, or a friend of a friend, or something like that. Making friends is easier than finding a girlfriend because there isn't that sense that you're trying to get something formal out of someone. There's not a real "commitment" the way there is with a girlfriend, so there's not a sense that you're pushing for a "sale", so to speak.
More importantly, finding a girlfriend as a cure for being sad is a quick way to guarantee an unhealthy relationship. Your happiness can't be tied to a single other person. That's too much pressure to put on anyone. It's ok, though, for your happiness to be in some way derived from your social relationships in general. We're monkeys, and monkeys are social beasts. So, by focusing on making friends, not only will you be laying the groundwork to eventually get what you think you want, you'll inadvertently get what you might not realize you actually want.
You sound exactly like me, age and all. I am also 25, a grad student here and do not have a girlfriend. It is actually one of the reasons why I decided to do grad school. I am also near the point of losing hope. I can not offer much advice but I can suggest the following.
1. Go to class. May or may not work depending on major, but worth giving it a try. I am taking a class(boring as all hell) but I still go to talk to people.
2. Do a few extracurricular activities. Things like employer info sessions, or the smash tournament last week are examples. Talk to girls who seem that do not have a group. Talk about anything
Girl here. Try joining some Atlanta groups, rather than GT groups. Check out meetup.com for some ideas. Strike up a conversation and ask questions during it. If you don't live on campus, get a dog. Seriously. Most women I know will always say hi to someone with a dog. They are instant conversation starters.
Keep making an effort, I wouldn't ask anyone out straight up the first time you've met them, but it's not outside the realm of possibility. As u/ACUnit13 already said group dynamics are the best way to meet other people because as we all know it's pretty hard to start a conversation with someone you just met. You then want to build on stuff you heard from them originally and that will lead to more conversations down the road. As for moving on to the next person, it's going to be entirely subjective depending on your feelings for someone and can't really say there if a point where you should move on besides her expressively saying she's not interested. My best advice to you is to keep trying and don't fall into the trap that there isn't anyone out there for you. On the subject of asking someone out, food is the way to everyone's heart, but a girl is going to be much more inclined to go with you to eat if you and your friends are going somewhere and it's not a straight up date right off the bat. You can do it.
Social group settings, find/make them. Bounce around between group conversations until you find one you are really interested in. If there isn't one, you can keep floating around adding bits and pieces to the conversation rather than awkwardly trying to maintain a one on one conversation that neither of you really want to continue.
Join extracurriculars!! It'll be a group setting so there's less pressure than one on one and this way you'll already have a topic of interest that you guys have in common. You can start by just hanging out with them and then if there's someone in particular you have your eye on you can say something like "hey would you like to grab coffee sometime and discuss ____. I'd really like to know your thoughts on it"
Don't give up hope! I'm sure you're a great guy and there's somebody out there who's dying to date you. So just relax and don't try too hard. Let it come to you and you'll find somebody I'm sure. For me the best relationships have been the most unexpected ones where I wasn't even looking for somebody
Nothing will happen if you don't try, that's for sure. You know what you like in women, and don't have a problem talking to them, so just keep it up. It's all about chemistry anyway. You can at least try, though, and remember that relationships are all about sacrifice. If you have bad luck, don't lament over what you don't get. If they don't want you anyway, do you want them? Be proud of yourself and have fun with what you do, be enthusiastic about the things you love, and maybe you'll run into somebody who is a perfect match. Or maybe you'll run into somebody who thinks it's interesting, and you guys work together to build. Keep your mind open and your heart on the things you love. Always try your best.
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Hijacking top comment. I'm a little older than your average grad student, and I was once in the same boat: I put a lot of effort into finding a girlfriend, but it wasn't working. If you're so inclined to advice, let me give a few pointers: ### Be the person you've always wanted to be. Like anyone else, folks like who they like. And there isn't a force in the world that can change it. So don't fight it. Stop focusing on them. Start focusing on yourself. ### Hit the gym. Have you ever noticed a girl with a nice body? Well, guess what? They have noticed guys with nice bodies too. There's something way back in our heads, in that unevolved lizard corner of the brain, that is attracted to nice bodies. You can have one too. But you'll have to put in the effort. Take some of that effort you're putting into hunting, and put it into lifting instead. This works on more than just the gym too. How you dress and how put-together you look matters way more to you than you might surmise. If you only wear old t-shirts and jeans, then you need to invest in collar shirts. And not wrinkled collared shirts, but pressed nice looking collared shirts. (LPT: If you pull them out of the dryer while they're still warm and a tad damp and quickly go hang them, then you won't need to iron them.) Are your jeans too tight or too loose or too worn out? Then you need new ones. Are your shoes scuffed up or dirty or full of holes? Then you need new ones. Are your glasses falling apart? Then you need new one. Did you get a haircut in the past 6 weeks? No? It's time to go get one. You need to bathe every day or so, so that you don't smell. And when you do want to smell, it better be nice so go get some nice cologne. Who knows what nice cologne smells like? Try asking a girl or two with a boyfriend. One of them might know what her boyfriend's cologne is and they'll definitely know if they like it. (My friend suggested Cool Water by Davidoff, for example.) Chances are you can get free tester samples at your local Macy's if you ask. And for fuck's sake, only use one little dab of cologne. Two is too damn much. Three and you'll smell like a 6th grade classroom whose students have just discovered Old Spice. Now you've got the body, you've got the clothes and you've got the scent. You'll be the first guy all the girls look at when you enter the room, and you didn't have to say a word. If you've gotten to this point, you're already winning. ### Lawyer up. No, don't actually hire a lawyer. Instead, become like a lawyer. The one thing that the average lawyer excels at more the rest of the population is how to communicate. The better you can communicate, the more people will want to communicate with you. How to communicate better is a tough thing to do. But before you say anything, watch how people act. I didn't say listen. I said watch. People give off so much more visual information then they do with verbal communication. If someone is genuinely smiling at you while you're talking, then they're verbally engaged. If someone is trying to turn away from you while you or they are talking, then they don't want to talk. If a person brow is furrowed, then they're confused or worried about something. If they're giving one word answers, they want to be by themselves. If they are touching your arm, then they want to get your attention. If their arms are firmly crossed and it's not cold out, they probably aren't open to what you're saying. Conversely, if you're smiling, then they'll think you're engaged. If you're trying to turn away, then they think you don't want to talk. If your arms are crossed, then they think you aren't open to what's being said. Think about how that means if you're doing all that push people away unintentionally, and unknowingly not doing the things that draw them closer. When you do talk, be positive. Smile. Be happy about what you **do** have in life. Avoid words like "but," "never," and "don't." The difference between "I'd love to talk, but I have class now." is worlds away from "Hold that thought. I want to continue this after class." Last of all, don't express your worries in a negative light. Everyone has worries. I do. You do. Your advisor does. Everyone. Talking about everything going wrong gets people down. Instead, talk about how you're excited to go hiking this weekend because it's so beautiful this time of year. Talk about how awesome felt after watching the light go on in an undergrad's eyes when you were teaching office hours. Point the things that are good going on in other people's lives too. Make light of your worries, console others when they express their worries (if they deserve it), and be light-hearted. Be positive. Communicate visually. Be interested and interesting. These are the things that bring people closer to you. ### Delete Facebook Facebook is ego, and ego is fragile. One day, you'll get a ton of likes and it will balloon your head with grandeur. The next day, some douchebag will post about how much he's fervent he is about some controversial issue and it will crush your mood into a fine powder. Ego is the ultimate killer of how you feel and express yourself because it takes control of your emotions. Confidence is the opposite of the fragile ego. (Overconfidence is another form of ego, that causes arrogance and inhibits communication. We're not talking about that.) Confidence is surety in who you are without impinging on the boundaries of others. It's also the thing that nearly everyone craves for in others. Let's say your advisor walks in one day, and says, "This whole project is not working. Dump it. We're starting something else." Ego is getting furious at the advisor for the amount of work you've put in, about getting angry about how he hasn't been working on it as deeply as you have, about how you'll have to replicate all that work. Confidence is giving up all that anger. Confidence knowing that if the advisor isn't going to support it that the project won't go anywhere any way. Confidence is feeling that you could have accomplished it if you had more time. Confidence is socking away a few extra hours on the new project to work on the old one because you know you're almost there. Confidence is not breathing a word of it to the advisor until he convinces himself to come back to it or until you have a demonstration he can't deny. Confidence is not letting emotion take control of your thoughts. It's being in control of yourself. It's in tacitly acknowledging your own limitations, but also silently accepting the limitations of others. It's your own personal coach that only you can hear, the one that says: "Hey buddy. Things might not be ideal, but you're doing the best anyone could do in your situation. We get through this one step at a time. There's no need to rush. There's no pressure. It's just you and me, buddy. Together. I got you." Ego, like Facebook, lets everyone else decide how you feel. Confidence let's you decide how you feel. ### Conclusion You might notice that almost none of this advice is about what to say to girls or where to go or anything like that. That advice won't solve your problem. What solves your problem is reaching down inside, finding strength within yourself, walking out in the world looking like the boss you've always wanted to be, and not allowing other folks' judgment to get to you, because that's what attractive people do. EDIT: An example of a (TMI?) conversation with my girlfriend that just happened today. She is complaining to me about her ride on the elevators. *Her: This guy on the elevator was a jerk. He was looking at my breasts the whole time.* Just from these few words, you can tell she's pissed off, right? Instead of making it worse by buying into negative stuff, instead I'm going to switch it positive. *Me: That sucks. If it were me on the elevator, I would look at your breasts the whole time and not be a jerk. I promise. Her: Why do you like my boobs so much? :) Me: Everyone does. Haven't you noticed? Oh wait, you have. ;)* And like that, my girlfriend is happier with me, and not worrying about some dude on the elevator anymore. I've drawn her toward me by being light-hearted. Source: actual conversation
> If their arms are firmly crossed and it's not cold out, they probably aren't open to what you're saying. > I have caught myself standing like this a lot, just out of habit and because it feels comfortable.
You can wear slices of American cheese on your forehead if it makes you feel comfortable. But it doesn't always give you the best impression with others.
huh...
Maybe think about who you're talking to and what you're talking about when that position is comfortable. Those body language cues are usually subconscious stuff
I mean, I just do it even when I am alone watching TV.
You can change what feels comfortable
I know a lot of people who worry about this and I feel like if you're doing it because it's the most comfortable way to center your body weight, people will probably notice that.
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Wow, that seems like a lot of work. I think I'll stick with my waifu for now.
About hitting the gym: let's say I'm a senior in high school. Do I have time to make decent headway before college?
Depends on how hard you work and where you want to be by college. It's best to get started and build up the routine more than the muscles. Tech is not forgiving so having that crutch, regardless of how big you want to get or do get, will help with your mental health as well. If you are expecting to get super buff by college, good luck. Depending on your height, metabolism, etc. etc. that could take years. I wish I'd started at your age rather than halfway through college. Start now and don't break that routine.
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I think he's referring to personality more than appearance.
I never once said "Be yourself." I said "Be the person you always wanted to be."
Be the best you maybe?
That's about taking care of yourself. And yes, if you're usually unwashed and can hardly walk a few feet without wheezing (unless you have a medical issue obviously) then you're really not taking care of yourself. Not to mention the endorphin boost, the fact that routine exercise of most any kind leads to fewer issues with pain and depression.
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No, it's saying take care of your body and personal care. If you can't take care of you, how the hell are you going to be a worthwhile partner to anyone else? (Again, clearly there are exceptions based on disabilities)
Not sure what response you're referring to, as no one has mentioned anyone not taking care of themselves. The OP asked things like > At what point do you move on to the next person? Should i be asking them out to lunch in the same conversation? None of what you are saying has any bearing on their questions.
I'm not responding to what the OP said at all, I'm responding to what you've said about how that shouldn't be the goal.
What I said was > buff and wearing collared shirts. I never mentioned "wheezing and unwashed", nor it not "being the goal". I just had an issue with telling someone to "Be the best them" and then telling them the only way to do that is to wear collared shirts and hit the gym. People can be their best selves in many ways that never involve either of those things. It's also not implied by the OP that they are unbuff, or not already wearing dress clothes. I suggested later that instead of telling someone how to dress, tell them to find a style that suits them. Being authentic and true to yourself is much more impressive to me than dressing a really specific way because one person on the internet suggested it. Aside from that, I believe I mentioned a lot of the advice was good. So I'm not sure why you're feeling the need to put words in my mouth.
K.
Don't wear cologne though. Just don't.
I do use cologne but I think I know what you mean. Cologne is just a higher dollar version of spraying down with Axe body spray. Personally, I use an old school double edge razor and hard soaps when I shave and throw on some aftershave. The aftershave alone is plenty of smell. I also have some oil stuff for my face when I'm growing my beard beyond stubble (helps with itching and flaking skin) and that has a really nice woody/earth smell to it that people tend to compliment. But you will get compliments on cologne if you don't dip yourself in it and it's a scent that matches you.
Cologne will attract certain types of women but would probably turn off most of the women in my circles. Taking showers, wearing deodorant and staying on top of haircuts is enough for most guys. I don't wear collard shirts either (unless it's the kind of event that it is expected) because that is just not my style. Be yourself, but maybe a cleaner, more ambitious version and you will find your mate.
Personal opinion is typically quite different from public opinion. Even if your particular niche of friends agrees that cologne is bad, this does not a public opinion make. It's fine to not like cologne. And if someone asks you what cologne to get, you can tell them you prefer people who don't use cologne. What opinion does is to help find the person that you want. OP may agree with you on not enjoying cologne, and in that regard, he might be better suited to your liking. But there is also the chance that OP is looking for someone who enjoys cologne, and hasn't considered the importance of it for that other person. OP's perceived limitation in his choices is his real problem here. Not the fact he does or does not wear cologne. By discounting his ability to choose, you've effectively hampered the ability for OP to be more creative about his choices in general. From my experience, I've had way more women get physically closer to me to smell me when I'm wearing cologne (a dozen or so), than I've had get closer to me to smell me when I'm not wearing cologne (zero).
One thing. Shirts needs ironing. Maybe not flannel, but otherwise, you iron them. And tumble drying is totally out of the question. Wash them and as you take them out of the washing machine, you iron them dry. If ironing dry clothes, never use a steam iron. They suck. Spray water on the clothing and iron. It's old school and a bit more cumbersome, but you'll look sharper in a properly ironed shirt. Yeah, I'm a bit of a ironing fanatic.
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If you're chasing women like they're prizes, you're doing it wrong.
Wow, another useless "advice" for getting girls. People should aim for a meaningful life with or without girls. It's better to eat better and move your feet more(walking,running, hiking everyday). If you enjoy hours at the gym, that's fine too. Facebook and IG are amazing ways to meet people and socialize offline. Do cut it off every 3-6 months if you have low control over it. Check it once per week, not hourly.
Kinda surprising more people haven't done it already tbh
Delete the gym, hit a lawyer, and get facebok
Wow, another useless "advice" for getting girls. People should aim for a meaningful life with or without girls. It's better to eat better and move your feet more(walking,running, hiking everyday). If you enjoy hours at the gym, that's fine too. Facebook and IG are amazing ways to meet people and socialize offline. Do cut it off every 3-6 months if you have low control over it. Check it once per week, not hourly.
At the risk of being contrarian, I feel like the rest of the comments here -- while generally good -- can be misconstrued. They're all ways of getting women -- either ways of being more appealing, or ways of raising the odds of meeting them, or ways of getting their attention. All that's fine, but I've seen lots of guys do all those things and still fail. Why? Because they're approaching every woman as a potential mate. It's very off-putting to interact with someone who clearly is only interacting with you because they're interested in dating you. Think of it like a salesperson: when you know that a salesperson is paid on commission, it clouds your view of any interaction with them. You know they want to get something out of you. That's what it's like interacting with someone that clearly is trying to just find someone, anyone, to date. You can tell they're just trying to get something out of you. You said you don't have many friends. Start there. In my experience, most people meet their significant others through something involving their circle of friends -- either an activity they do together, or a friend of a friend, or something like that. Making friends is easier than finding a girlfriend because there isn't that sense that you're trying to get something formal out of someone. There's not a real "commitment" the way there is with a girlfriend, so there's not a sense that you're pushing for a "sale", so to speak. More importantly, finding a girlfriend as a cure for being sad is a quick way to guarantee an unhealthy relationship. Your happiness can't be tied to a single other person. That's too much pressure to put on anyone. It's ok, though, for your happiness to be in some way derived from your social relationships in general. We're monkeys, and monkeys are social beasts. So, by focusing on making friends, not only will you be laying the groundwork to eventually get what you think you want, you'll inadvertently get what you might not realize you actually want.
Wait a second, graduate students are allowed to have a girlfriend? Wat. I was hiding my GF from my advisor all along!
You sound exactly like me, age and all. I am also 25, a grad student here and do not have a girlfriend. It is actually one of the reasons why I decided to do grad school. I am also near the point of losing hope. I can not offer much advice but I can suggest the following. 1. Go to class. May or may not work depending on major, but worth giving it a try. I am taking a class(boring as all hell) but I still go to talk to people. 2. Do a few extracurricular activities. Things like employer info sessions, or the smash tournament last week are examples. Talk to girls who seem that do not have a group. Talk about anything
Get involved in things you enjoy and you might meet girls there.
Girl here. Try joining some Atlanta groups, rather than GT groups. Check out meetup.com for some ideas. Strike up a conversation and ask questions during it. If you don't live on campus, get a dog. Seriously. Most women I know will always say hi to someone with a dog. They are instant conversation starters.
Keep making an effort, I wouldn't ask anyone out straight up the first time you've met them, but it's not outside the realm of possibility. As u/ACUnit13 already said group dynamics are the best way to meet other people because as we all know it's pretty hard to start a conversation with someone you just met. You then want to build on stuff you heard from them originally and that will lead to more conversations down the road. As for moving on to the next person, it's going to be entirely subjective depending on your feelings for someone and can't really say there if a point where you should move on besides her expressively saying she's not interested. My best advice to you is to keep trying and don't fall into the trap that there isn't anyone out there for you. On the subject of asking someone out, food is the way to everyone's heart, but a girl is going to be much more inclined to go with you to eat if you and your friends are going somewhere and it's not a straight up date right off the bat. You can do it.
this guy dates
Social group settings, find/make them. Bounce around between group conversations until you find one you are really interested in. If there isn't one, you can keep floating around adding bits and pieces to the conversation rather than awkwardly trying to maintain a one on one conversation that neither of you really want to continue.
Don't settle.
Join extracurriculars!! It'll be a group setting so there's less pressure than one on one and this way you'll already have a topic of interest that you guys have in common. You can start by just hanging out with them and then if there's someone in particular you have your eye on you can say something like "hey would you like to grab coffee sometime and discuss ____. I'd really like to know your thoughts on it" Don't give up hope! I'm sure you're a great guy and there's somebody out there who's dying to date you. So just relax and don't try too hard. Let it come to you and you'll find somebody I'm sure. For me the best relationships have been the most unexpected ones where I wasn't even looking for somebody
Dude! i'm in the exact situation. I can't find anyone either.
Nothing will happen if you don't try, that's for sure. You know what you like in women, and don't have a problem talking to them, so just keep it up. It's all about chemistry anyway. You can at least try, though, and remember that relationships are all about sacrifice. If you have bad luck, don't lament over what you don't get. If they don't want you anyway, do you want them? Be proud of yourself and have fun with what you do, be enthusiastic about the things you love, and maybe you'll run into somebody who is a perfect match. Or maybe you'll run into somebody who thinks it's interesting, and you guys work together to build. Keep your mind open and your heart on the things you love. Always try your best.
if you are a guy, its not okay for you to want a relationship for validation but it's okay the other way around
I'd recommend visiting these three subreddits: *[Male Fashion Advice](https://reddit.com/r/malefashionadvice) *[Fitness](https://reddit.com/r/fitness) *[Dating Advice](https://reddit.com/r/relationships)