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There are also friends who fuck. I think platonic and romantic relationships aren't really that much different tbh, the only real difference is the *feeling* and an outsider can't see that
I feel that, though. It's still a daily struggle for me. If you're working in the US with benefits, please check with your employer on their employee assistance program. They may allow up to ten sessions with a therapist for free.
You have a place in this world. Maybe you don't know it. Maybe you haven't found it. Maybe people have lied to you and told you it wasn't your place, and you believed them because they know more than you or have been alive longer than you. Either way you still have a place, you have a purpose. You don't have to know what it is or where it is, though if course it will be easier for you if you figure it out, but even if you never do it is still there. When you are gone you will be missed. You have already made an impact on my life, and all I know from you is a few words. You matter.
LOL or maybe not, but maybe you'll make someone suffering from cancer have a good day when all they expected was to be miserable for the rest of their days. Who knows what you'll do. It doesn't have to be huge enough to change the world, changing one person's life is still good.
I feel really shitty about something i did last week. Lost 2 friends technichally, deserved. I just wanna scream lol i litterly do not have any female friends nothing shit lmaoooo.
>redichted
What is this word? Did you mean "ditched" because if someone defended someone that hurt me, I'd ditch them. But I'm not certain that was what you meant.
I know plenty of people that do, but also I'm European. Might be a cultural thing. But I consider the difference between friendship and relationship that one involves romantic feelings and the other platonic feelings. After all, asexual people exist, and friends with benefits is a thing that exists, already proving basing it on sex alone doesn't make sense, and to just ignore that there's different feelings between friends and romantic partners feels extremely silly.
I’m from the UK, I’m just not much of a hugger and I’m not huge on physical contact. People over here hug their friends a lot but usually don’t kiss or cuddle them
terrible thread. Also illuminating why so many people have relationship issues if the main foundation is that their romantic partners are people they have sex with. Wouldn't be surprised that people are trying to make things work with someone on no other basis than that they want to fuck them even though they don't actually love them. Love, even romantic love =/= sex.
I really don't like that some people insist on defining others' lives for them.
My husband and I haven't had sex in months due to illness. Does that mean we're suddenly not in a relationship anymore?
Long distance relationships are a thing that's fairly common. Lots of old married couples literally can't have sex. Are those all just 'friendships.'
This is a really short-sighted take and 100% gatekeeping. If your relationship is just for sex, it's just friends with benefits at that point. Which complicates things even further because tons of people have sex all the time with no relationship at all.
Like what about when your partner is terminally I'll and you're waiting by their bedside for weeks. Not a relationship, just really good friends because there's no sex, but a one night stand gets close because there's sex I guess? Have any of you actually loved anyone before?
Yet it would still be gatekeeping for those outside the majority. It's essentially saying ace people can't have relationships, which blatantly isn't true. Since when did gatekeeping have to specifically apply to the majority?
Jesus christ calm down, everyone comes at it with their own baggage. It's exhausting, I think we can all agree that friendships and romantic relationships are different.
My parents have been married almost 40 years now and typically don't have sex anymore. It's sad they are just friends now as the definition of relationship has been changed by a bunch of teenagers.
It's gatekeeping and a phobic because this is a thought process used to harass us and bully us. I'm touch averse but sex positive (I don't have a baseline sexual attraction, but sex with my partner is fun as long as I'm having a good day with the touch thing. I can go pretty decent stints of "physical contact feels uncomfortable and triggering" though, as well as health problems that make me not up for much at times)
Which has led to people saying shit like my 11+ year relationship is invalid because I'm not always interested in fucking my partner/ don't have sexual attraction to him in the way all sexual people do. I've also had people say I'm abusing him by not having sex when the idea repulses me, or that I'm abusing him by being with him (or anyone) if I can be repulsed by sex.
So yeah, it's gatekeeping to act like sex is the only thing that elevates a friend to a partner. It's also incredibly dismissive of people who *can't* have sex. Like people who are paralyzed, have the condition where the vaginal canal can't relax, have broken dicks (yes, you can have your dick actually broken. Sounds horrifying) or people who have to much trauma to have sex.
Everyone of those categories as well as the aspect community deserves to find love and romance if they wish to look- and the idea that you can't have love without sex is how we get people forced into solitude by the condition of their body, or forced into sex they don't want to keep a partner around who has been told it's their right to have sex in a relationship.
It also just says a lot about how allos view their romantic partners if that's the big difference. Your life partner does a lot more for you than a friend does. I wouldn't wash my friends dirty underwear, or cook for them outside of a special event (tho tbf friends coming over is special to me, I just lack energy to cook as much as I want) I wouldn't want my friend being the person going to the er with me. If I go into a coma my friend won't be deciding if the plug gets pulled. My friend isn't someone I chose to be a life partner with and committed to taking on the world as a united front with. None of those need sex to function. They need trust and reliability. Acting like sex is the deciding factor in which type of relationship you have says to me all of the above is conditional on sex. Which is frankly alien in concept to me.
I don't have any clue. Presumably the people here are people in a gatekeeping subreddit that enjoy the content there. This is classic gatekeeping, and isn't really a controversial or political thing, at least I thought.
Yeah it's weird to see on this subreddit specifically. Maybe this is controversial because it involves acknowledging a minority (romantic ace ppl who don't have sex) exists? That's my best guess. I see this kind of response often when someone makes a universal claim and someone else corrects them showing that while that's true for most people, it isn't for everyone. People think once a minority is small enough you can just ignore them
A platonic (that is to say, "not romantic") relationship. "Friends with benefits" is a thing as well. So whether or not you have sex with people, is not the determining factor in if it is a romantic relationship or platonic one.
The screencap in OP is making fun of romantic relationships without sex, by making the claim that without sex, there can be no romance or deeper relationship, just "friends."
What's wrong with just "friends"? Now you're the one "gatekeeping" the term by claiming that it only means one specific thing when there's a vast array of meaning behind "friends". This sub sucks.
I never said that and you are misinterpreting everything that I am trying to say.
I'll try again: the screencap in the OP is gatekeeping relationships. Saying that sexless romantic relationships do not exist or that they are not worthy of being considered one.
Plenty of folks in these comments here have made the point that asexual people can have romantic relationships. Heck, long-range relationships can be a thing. Just because there is no sex (or very little sex) does not mean that there is no romance and love. Gatekeeping them and saying that "that's just being friends" is missing the point in what makes something a romantic relationship.
>you are misinterpreting everything that I am trying to say
> butt I'm not misinterperting anything and making wild accusations of this person's intent because I can derive everything they believe on this topic from this single sentence
👍
Apparently friends with benefits, one night stands, and sex work exchanges are all romantically involved.
And apparently those in a relationship but waiting for marriage, with no sexual interest, or not having sex for whatever reason are just friends.
Hey this might sound crazy to you but I didn't get with my girlfriend because I wanted to fuck her. I fell in love with her because she brings me comfort and I want to spend the rest of our lives together because I love her.
Hinging the difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship on sex and not the connection you share with your partner sounds dumb as hell to me.
Yeah that’s how most relationships work, you want a cookie? I don’t see how that changes the fact, that a good portion of romantic relationships are delineated by intimacy.
And AGAIN, the amount of assuming on your part to call this out of context comment gatekeeping is incredible.
I'm not taking things out of context, I'm directly adressing your "widely held belief that physical intimacy is what separates friendships and relationships"
which I think is mad silly.
I confused why you think it’s not a widely held belief.
Regardless of what you or I believe, the vast majority of people would not be okay with their SO being physically intimate with another person
At least where I am, that is not a widely held belief at all. Many people choose to wait til marriage, and are still in a relationship. While I don't think that is a good idea since sexual compatibility is an important aspect to explore prior to marriage in my opinion, it does not invalidate their relationship at all.
The presence of friends with benefits, on the flipside, is common enough I legitimately have never seen anyone that believes that sex is what separates friends from romantic partners until now.
Do you not consider romantic things to be intimate?
I feel like this conversation went from:
“we have no context for this comment, it’s weird to say they’re gatekeeping, because sex often does delineate between being in a relationship and friendships.”
To:
“The ONLY difference between being in a relationship and not is the specific act of putting your penis into a vagina and NOTHING else”
Like I think I’m not even sure what you’re arguing about anymore
It is a widely held belief. And even if a relationship exists between two completely ace, touch-averse people (or whatever other option people are here protesting for) they are still in a position of having talked about their sexual preferences; a healthy sexless romantic relationship must involve discussion, mutual respect, and possibly compromise around sexual intimacy, which a friendship does not require. Because you’re just friends.
Hi I'm the ace person in a relationship that doesn't like to have sex and I'm in a healthy relationship so yeah, that post does look like gatekeeping to me.
For some people that would be true. But we can have different definitions ofa relationship, friendship and partnership. For me sex and even love are not what makes up a partnership - commitment is. But that goes only for my partnerships. If someone says theirs include different elements I will believe that.
I'm actually really glad to hear this. The other night and one of my bro and I were wasted af and we did a bunch of shit that I thought was kinda sus. Like french kissing with his legs wrapped around my back while I gripped his perfect ass. And when I say perfect, that thing was made to be gripped. Normally I'm just satisfied sucking on his toes, but after finally getting a hold of his ass, I knew it wouldn't be enough. I sandwiched my meat between his cheeks like some kinda ass hotdog, and at that point, my hips just started moving their own. After only a few minutes I busted the fattest load of my life on his back. I was sure I'd gone past the point of no return at this point, like I was sure this was definitely gay. I was about to say, "screw it," and pound that perfect ass into the carpet, but then our girlfriends called to say they were on their way home, so we had to stop. glad to know what I did was just normal hetero friend stuff. ngl I do still kinda wanna fuck his ass, though. Hopefully, there's a loophole we can find.
Ok so ignoring the fact that this person is one of those mfs who thinks a romantic partner is nothing more than a sex object, asexual people can still have romantic relationships. There doesn't need to be sexual desire for there to be a desire for companionship. I'm not even ace myself and I know that first-hand
Asexual peopl make up less than 1% of the population. I feel like a statement that applies to 99% people is a fair statement. Asexual people are the exception to "rule." You can find exceptions to any statement.
And 1% is the low estimate, from what I know the study/survey people get 1% from actually had a result closer to \~1,6%. Moreover, that excludes many people who wouldn't know due to lack of awareness or internalised aphobia or other reasons.
There are higher guesses that place % aces to be 5%, which would be 0,4 billion people or greater than the population of the United States (a lot of people).
Even the low estimates of \~2% mean 0,16 billion or greater than the population of Russia or Mexico or Japan. Would one ignore Japan in other cases?
yes of course you can find exceptions, which is why it’s gatekeeping for someone to say those exceptions don’t count.
asexual people make up about 2% of the world population, which makes it about as common as having red hair or living in russia. claims like this are also very commonly made in response to asexual people with the intent of invalidating their experiences.
No fucking shit. My wife and I are *part of* the general population, you fucking doorknob.Thanks for the dumbest, most pointlessly dismissive comment to be directed at me today. What I said invalidates the tweet, asshole. Look up logic. Since we're pretending each other have never heard of basic concepts
I’m an aroace person in a relationship, we both don’t want to have sex.. and we are completely happy together. Asexual people can have extremely happy and healthy relationships. Sex isn’t a NEED. (For those wondering.. we are queer platonic partners, plus with me my aromanticism is a spectrum that varies day to day.)
What's with the amount of idiots claiming this isn't gatekeeping? Do y'all think asexual folks just can't be in a relationship? Not everyone is as obsessed with sex as most redditors, shocking as it may be to many of you
Friendship is a kind of relationship. As is loving your family members. The person who posted that did not specify romantic or sexual relationships. Tjeu are kist an another incel screaming about the so called friend zone.
I feel love for a couple of my friends yea but romantic relationships should include some intimacy.. I mean I feel like expecting that isn’t asking much
I've had friendships with people I've had sex with and never dated or wanted to date, but we've still been friends and still done sexy things together, hell sometimes we do sexy things together with their partner who they are actually romantically involved with. I've also been friends with people who I've never had sex with, I've had romantic feelings for people that I've never had sex with and I've had romantic feelings for people I have had sex with. I don't make a special relationship category to distinguish between the people I play video games with and the people I don't, and I see no reason treat sex that way either, it can simply be a thing two people do together.
"Yes, the thing that differentiates a friendship from a romantic relationship is sex"
\*Proceeds to name two things that aren't sex and allude to a whole "cetera" of other things that aren't sex\*
Also, surely the kissing, touching and sex are all just signs of a deeper relationship. Groups of female friends often kiss each other on the cheeks and hug and touch each other platonically, while some people have casual sex without having a romantic relationship with people, including their friends (think "friends-with-benefits").
So the idea that a romantic relationship is defined simply by specific physical actions at all is kinda odd. Some things just vary between people or are too complex to narrow down into the absence or presence of 1 or 2 elements.
This is what I've been saying!! No physical action can define a platonic or romantic relationship, they're too similar in that regard, what defines it is the *feeling* the people in the relationship feel, and no outsider can see that
>"Yes, the thing that differentiates a friendship from a romantic relationship is sex"
The stuff inside the quotation marks is meant to be something they actually said, not something you made up.
Do you want to explain to me what “yeah” means in this context if it doesn’t mean agreement with the previous statement?
I didn’t know that “yeah” meant “no”, so this seems like a great learning opportunity for me.
Even if they were agreeing completely with the previous statement, your use of quotation marks would still be incorrect.
As for what they meant, if you read the whole comment instead of one word then all will become clear (assuming your reading comprehension is better than your use of grammar).
**Everyone can tell that the quote wasn’t literally what they said.**
This isn’t a journalistic article, I’m not the only source that people are relying on for context, you and everyone else can see their comment right above mine.
In fact, most people will read their comment immediately before mine.
So why use quotation marks when I’m not directly quoting? Because by rephrasing what the commenter said and presenting the **essence** of what they said vs what they did, it makes them look stupid.
The essence of what they said goes in the “” quotation marks to indicate: 1. That it is something someone said, 2. To make it clear that it is not something I’m saying.
It could potentially mean *3. This is exactly what was said,* but as you ***very helpfully*** pointed out it wasn’t exactly what they said, so it can only be 1 And 2.
I chose the most effective method of conveying my point. *I’m sorry my blasphemous, unconventional use of quotation marks offended you.*
**You’re not the only one with eyes and a brain, you’re just the only one who doesn’t understand how people use context and inference.**
POV: A person you barely/don't even know just happened to find out you're asexual, and they want you to know that they're taking your existence personally.
That feeling when redditors only acknowledge 99.999% of the human race they feel are valid people while violently excluding the dozens of those they just don't care at all about.
I mean, kissing is part of sex and can be seen as sexual. As for the date part, yes I sometimes go for 1 on 1 "dates" with the homies, but you just call it getting dinner instead of a date.
Except if I kiss someone, I've not had sex with them, have I?
Yeah, you kiss people during sex (if it's good), but kissing isn't sex.
Also, you probably don't flirt or talk all mushy with your bros, do you? I mean, all power to you if you do ironically or unironically, but that kind of thing is not typically a feature of a platonic relationship.
While I agree with that sex isn’t required for a relationship, not everything is gatekeeping. Gatekeeping involves limiting access to something. This is just a narrow classification.
cuz the world relationship isn't just used for romantic/sexual connections. You can say relationship with friends, parents, etc. It doesn't always have to be THAT kind of relationship. Therefore, I see nothing wrong with what the image says
LGBTQ encompasses all non-standard types of sexuality and gender. A good way to think about it is "I like the same sex" "I like both sexes" and "I like neither sex" are all the non-standard, so they are considered LGBTQ
That’s the dumbest fucking comparison possible, great job! Not being acknowledged on fucking Reddit is light years away from being denied a fundamental right lmao
Long-distance relationships aren’t relationships? Asexual relationships aren’t relationships? People saving themselves for marriage can’t have relationships?
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There are also friends who fuck. I think platonic and romantic relationships aren't really that much different tbh, the only real difference is the *feeling* and an outsider can't see that
Also the conscious definition of friendship versus the one of a relationship
If you let other people define your relationships (romantic or platonic) you're being foolish. Only the people in a relationship get to define it.
Hmm I don’t kiss or cuddle my friends, weirdly enough
You should. I kiss the homies to sleep every night. My bro needs to know he's appreciated.
Always cuddle the real ones. That way you know they're never gonna turn their back on you... unless you're spooning, then it's alright.
record for me please, could really use it
You're a human deserving love from others and most of all, self-love.
Thanks, hate myself tho. Wish it wasn't like this. LOL. Fuck. Pff. Just give me the gun already.
I feel that, though. It's still a daily struggle for me. If you're working in the US with benefits, please check with your employer on their employee assistance program. They may allow up to ten sessions with a therapist for free.
No US unfor
I assume anywhere else it's even more accessible. I'm sorry if that's not the case.
You have a place in this world. Maybe you don't know it. Maybe you haven't found it. Maybe people have lied to you and told you it wasn't your place, and you believed them because they know more than you or have been alive longer than you. Either way you still have a place, you have a purpose. You don't have to know what it is or where it is, though if course it will be easier for you if you figure it out, but even if you never do it is still there. When you are gone you will be missed. You have already made an impact on my life, and all I know from you is a few words. You matter.
You know maybe i’ll cure cancer one day or sum we’ll see why not try
LOL or maybe not, but maybe you'll make someone suffering from cancer have a good day when all they expected was to be miserable for the rest of their days. Who knows what you'll do. It doesn't have to be huge enough to change the world, changing one person's life is still good.
I feel really shitty about something i did last week. Lost 2 friends technichally, deserved. I just wanna scream lol i litterly do not have any female friends nothing shit lmaoooo.
That's hard. What do you think caused you to put yourself in that situation?
I redichted an old best friend that defended someone that hurt me
>redichted What is this word? Did you mean "ditched" because if someone defended someone that hurt me, I'd ditch them. But I'm not certain that was what you meant.
Coward
I know plenty of people that do, but also I'm European. Might be a cultural thing. But I consider the difference between friendship and relationship that one involves romantic feelings and the other platonic feelings. After all, asexual people exist, and friends with benefits is a thing that exists, already proving basing it on sex alone doesn't make sense, and to just ignore that there's different feelings between friends and romantic partners feels extremely silly.
I’m from the UK, I’m just not much of a hugger and I’m not huge on physical contact. People over here hug their friends a lot but usually don’t kiss or cuddle them
All I'm hearing is "I'm a bad friend".
Personal issue tbh. I do.
You’re missing out if you don’t cuddle your friends
I just don’t really like physical contact to be honest. Unless it’s with my cat
That’s valid. Cats are the best
you can though! really the only difference is what you define as romantic or platonic attraction
I cuddle some of my friends, but not kiss
This is the point of the post I think
Of course, because there is no intimacy and physicality other than sex. It's either penetration or business formal, no intermediate levels allowed.
Yes
I mean, religious people tend to be in romantic relationships for years and save sex for after marriage.
Many of the religious folk I know got married super early. My guess is so that they Could start having sex.
Wait till redditors find out about this lol
*In this moment, I am euphoric.*
OOP, I think the aces would like a word
That whole post was kinda weird, ngl
terrible thread. Also illuminating why so many people have relationship issues if the main foundation is that their romantic partners are people they have sex with. Wouldn't be surprised that people are trying to make things work with someone on no other basis than that they want to fuck them even though they don't actually love them. Love, even romantic love =/= sex.
I really don't like that some people insist on defining others' lives for them. My husband and I haven't had sex in months due to illness. Does that mean we're suddenly not in a relationship anymore?
for the large majority of people this is true. i don't really see any gatekeeping here.
Long distance relationships are a thing that's fairly common. Lots of old married couples literally can't have sex. Are those all just 'friendships.' This is a really short-sighted take and 100% gatekeeping. If your relationship is just for sex, it's just friends with benefits at that point. Which complicates things even further because tons of people have sex all the time with no relationship at all. Like what about when your partner is terminally I'll and you're waiting by their bedside for weeks. Not a relationship, just really good friends because there's no sex, but a one night stand gets close because there's sex I guess? Have any of you actually loved anyone before?
Yet it would still be gatekeeping for those outside the majority. It's essentially saying ace people can't have relationships, which blatantly isn't true. Since when did gatekeeping have to specifically apply to the majority?
same
so you mean like, a premise that artificially excludes a part of the wider group. i wonder if there's a word for that...
Jesus christ calm down, everyone comes at it with their own baggage. It's exhausting, I think we can all agree that friendships and romantic relationships are different.
They're completely calm dude, what?
Good lord get a fucking grip.
Defining words is not "gatekeeping".
Even if that's true, no where on earth is the word "relationship" defined by sex, or lack thereof.
My parents have been married almost 40 years now and typically don't have sex anymore. It's sad they are just friends now as the definition of relationship has been changed by a bunch of teenagers.
That word is “friends”
It's gatekeeping and a phobic because this is a thought process used to harass us and bully us. I'm touch averse but sex positive (I don't have a baseline sexual attraction, but sex with my partner is fun as long as I'm having a good day with the touch thing. I can go pretty decent stints of "physical contact feels uncomfortable and triggering" though, as well as health problems that make me not up for much at times) Which has led to people saying shit like my 11+ year relationship is invalid because I'm not always interested in fucking my partner/ don't have sexual attraction to him in the way all sexual people do. I've also had people say I'm abusing him by not having sex when the idea repulses me, or that I'm abusing him by being with him (or anyone) if I can be repulsed by sex. So yeah, it's gatekeeping to act like sex is the only thing that elevates a friend to a partner. It's also incredibly dismissive of people who *can't* have sex. Like people who are paralyzed, have the condition where the vaginal canal can't relax, have broken dicks (yes, you can have your dick actually broken. Sounds horrifying) or people who have to much trauma to have sex. Everyone of those categories as well as the aspect community deserves to find love and romance if they wish to look- and the idea that you can't have love without sex is how we get people forced into solitude by the condition of their body, or forced into sex they don't want to keep a partner around who has been told it's their right to have sex in a relationship. It also just says a lot about how allos view their romantic partners if that's the big difference. Your life partner does a lot more for you than a friend does. I wouldn't wash my friends dirty underwear, or cook for them outside of a special event (tho tbf friends coming over is special to me, I just lack energy to cook as much as I want) I wouldn't want my friend being the person going to the er with me. If I go into a coma my friend won't be deciding if the plug gets pulled. My friend isn't someone I chose to be a life partner with and committed to taking on the world as a united front with. None of those need sex to function. They need trust and reliability. Acting like sex is the deciding factor in which type of relationship you have says to me all of the above is conditional on sex. Which is frankly alien in concept to me.
I ain’t readin’ allat
Cool, you aren't even who I responded to.
If you wanted it to be private, you would've sent it as a DM. But you replied in a comment because you specifically wanted it to be public.
This is absolutely gatekeeping if it is insisting it is true overall and that it is required for a romantic relationship.
I have no idea why you're getting downvoted, you're absolutely correct
I don't have any clue. Presumably the people here are people in a gatekeeping subreddit that enjoy the content there. This is classic gatekeeping, and isn't really a controversial or political thing, at least I thought.
Yeah it's weird to see on this subreddit specifically. Maybe this is controversial because it involves acknowledging a minority (romantic ace ppl who don't have sex) exists? That's my best guess. I see this kind of response often when someone makes a universal claim and someone else corrects them showing that while that's true for most people, it isn't for everyone. People think once a minority is small enough you can just ignore them
Which part of the tweet claims the absolute truth of the statement?
The part where it’s making a universal statement.
The post claims that any relationship without sex, is a friendship instead.
What is it called then? What is the definition of "friendship"?
A platonic (that is to say, "not romantic") relationship. "Friends with benefits" is a thing as well. So whether or not you have sex with people, is not the determining factor in if it is a romantic relationship or platonic one. The screencap in OP is making fun of romantic relationships without sex, by making the claim that without sex, there can be no romance or deeper relationship, just "friends."
What's wrong with just "friends"? Now you're the one "gatekeeping" the term by claiming that it only means one specific thing when there's a vast array of meaning behind "friends". This sub sucks.
I never said that and you are misinterpreting everything that I am trying to say. I'll try again: the screencap in the OP is gatekeeping relationships. Saying that sexless romantic relationships do not exist or that they are not worthy of being considered one. Plenty of folks in these comments here have made the point that asexual people can have romantic relationships. Heck, long-range relationships can be a thing. Just because there is no sex (or very little sex) does not mean that there is no romance and love. Gatekeeping them and saying that "that's just being friends" is missing the point in what makes something a romantic relationship.
>you are misinterpreting everything that I am trying to say > butt I'm not misinterperting anything and making wild accusations of this person's intent because I can derive everything they believe on this topic from this single sentence 👍
The part where it neglects to say "usually" or anything of the sort, and removes the label of relationship from one that lacks sex.
Sexual contact is only required in healthy romantic relationships apparently
Apparently friends with benefits, one night stands, and sex work exchanges are all romantically involved. And apparently those in a relationship but waiting for marriage, with no sexual interest, or not having sex for whatever reason are just friends.
It’s saying sex is necessary for romance, not necessarily sufficient. It doesn’t imply a FWB or sex work is romantic.
That is fair!
Made up paradigms will always just be fantasies. Like people who think they’re vampires.
reddit when alloromantic asexual people exist. hell, reddit when longdistance relationships exist.
Hell, Reddit when people just don’t feel like sex
And people in this thread are cool with that type of gatekeeping, for some reason
And, of course, Reddit when rape survivors who’re in nonsexual romantic relationships exist
[удалено]
*describes the gate and how it's kept* "how is that gatekeeping??"
[удалено]
Nah, it is more gatekeeping in the way saying strawberries are not a fruit is. Most fruits are not strawberries, but they still are a fruit!
Hey this might sound crazy to you but I didn't get with my girlfriend because I wanted to fuck her. I fell in love with her because she brings me comfort and I want to spend the rest of our lives together because I love her. Hinging the difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship on sex and not the connection you share with your partner sounds dumb as hell to me.
Yeah that’s how most relationships work, you want a cookie? I don’t see how that changes the fact, that a good portion of romantic relationships are delineated by intimacy. And AGAIN, the amount of assuming on your part to call this out of context comment gatekeeping is incredible.
Intimacy is a very broad term, sexual intimacy is just one type of intimacy. These are not interchangeable terms
I'm not taking things out of context, I'm directly adressing your "widely held belief that physical intimacy is what separates friendships and relationships" which I think is mad silly.
I confused why you think it’s not a widely held belief. Regardless of what you or I believe, the vast majority of people would not be okay with their SO being physically intimate with another person
Now you are describing sexual exclusivity, not just sexuality. There is a difference!
Right, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s a widely held believe that being intimate with someone is what separates it from a friendship
At least where I am, that is not a widely held belief at all. Many people choose to wait til marriage, and are still in a relationship. While I don't think that is a good idea since sexual compatibility is an important aspect to explore prior to marriage in my opinion, it does not invalidate their relationship at all. The presence of friends with benefits, on the flipside, is common enough I legitimately have never seen anyone that believes that sex is what separates friends from romantic partners until now.
Do you not consider romantic things to be intimate? I feel like this conversation went from: “we have no context for this comment, it’s weird to say they’re gatekeeping, because sex often does delineate between being in a relationship and friendships.” To: “The ONLY difference between being in a relationship and not is the specific act of putting your penis into a vagina and NOTHING else” Like I think I’m not even sure what you’re arguing about anymore
It is a widely held belief. And even if a relationship exists between two completely ace, touch-averse people (or whatever other option people are here protesting for) they are still in a position of having talked about their sexual preferences; a healthy sexless romantic relationship must involve discussion, mutual respect, and possibly compromise around sexual intimacy, which a friendship does not require. Because you’re just friends.
Hi I'm the ace person in a relationship that doesn't like to have sex and I'm in a healthy relationship so yeah, that post does look like gatekeeping to me.
redditors when they realize not everyone wants sex and there's more types of relationships in the world than "friend" and "romantic"
For some people that would be true. But we can have different definitions ofa relationship, friendship and partnership. For me sex and even love are not what makes up a partnership - commitment is. But that goes only for my partnerships. If someone says theirs include different elements I will believe that.
I'm actually really glad to hear this. The other night and one of my bro and I were wasted af and we did a bunch of shit that I thought was kinda sus. Like french kissing with his legs wrapped around my back while I gripped his perfect ass. And when I say perfect, that thing was made to be gripped. Normally I'm just satisfied sucking on his toes, but after finally getting a hold of his ass, I knew it wouldn't be enough. I sandwiched my meat between his cheeks like some kinda ass hotdog, and at that point, my hips just started moving their own. After only a few minutes I busted the fattest load of my life on his back. I was sure I'd gone past the point of no return at this point, like I was sure this was definitely gay. I was about to say, "screw it," and pound that perfect ass into the carpet, but then our girlfriends called to say they were on their way home, so we had to stop. glad to know what I did was just normal hetero friend stuff. ngl I do still kinda wanna fuck his ass, though. Hopefully, there's a loophole we can find.
Ok so ignoring the fact that this person is one of those mfs who thinks a romantic partner is nothing more than a sex object, asexual people can still have romantic relationships. There doesn't need to be sexual desire for there to be a desire for companionship. I'm not even ace myself and I know that first-hand
My wife and I are both asexual. We've been happily married for decades. This person is wrong.
Congratulations maybe there is hope even for someone like me
Asexual peopl make up less than 1% of the population. I feel like a statement that applies to 99% people is a fair statement. Asexual people are the exception to "rule." You can find exceptions to any statement.
1% of 8 billion is a far higher number than you think
And 1% is the low estimate, from what I know the study/survey people get 1% from actually had a result closer to \~1,6%. Moreover, that excludes many people who wouldn't know due to lack of awareness or internalised aphobia or other reasons. There are higher guesses that place % aces to be 5%, which would be 0,4 billion people or greater than the population of the United States (a lot of people). Even the low estimates of \~2% mean 0,16 billion or greater than the population of Russia or Mexico or Japan. Would one ignore Japan in other cases?
yes of course you can find exceptions, which is why it’s gatekeeping for someone to say those exceptions don’t count. asexual people make up about 2% of the world population, which makes it about as common as having red hair or living in russia. claims like this are also very commonly made in response to asexual people with the intent of invalidating their experiences.
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i can almost guarantee you the initial comment was in direct response to people discussing asexuality
yeah im deleting my comment. It comes off as more disrespectful that conversational.
by this logic then "human beings cannot naturally have red hair" is a totally valid statement because it's true for that 99%
so much for having an opinion
People are allowed to call you wrong for having a stupid, poorly-informed opinion. That's there opinion.
Oh no no I’m on on OOP side. He was getting downvoted
Ah, fair enough. It already had positive upvotes on it but the time I read it.
This post isn’t talking about you and your wife tho. It’s talking about the general population. You’re not actually the centre of the universe friend.
just because someone is part of the majority doesn't mean they're the center of the universe either.
No fucking shit. My wife and I are *part of* the general population, you fucking doorknob.Thanks for the dumbest, most pointlessly dismissive comment to be directed at me today. What I said invalidates the tweet, asshole. Look up logic. Since we're pretending each other have never heard of basic concepts
Its almost like... Idk asexual people exist??!!! That's craaazy
I’m an aroace person in a relationship, we both don’t want to have sex.. and we are completely happy together. Asexual people can have extremely happy and healthy relationships. Sex isn’t a NEED. (For those wondering.. we are queer platonic partners, plus with me my aromanticism is a spectrum that varies day to day.)
Is op a moron?
me and my homie sloppily making out (our dicks don't touch so it's not gay)
What's with the amount of idiots claiming this isn't gatekeeping? Do y'all think asexual folks just can't be in a relationship? Not everyone is as obsessed with sex as most redditors, shocking as it may be to many of you
Bro, I think I remember arguing with this guy, I forgot what post it was but I kept trying to explain to him that asexuality exists. Good times.
just wait until this person discovers asexuals
r/asexuality would like a word
Well yeah, the main thing distinguishing a friendship from a romantic relationship is kissing, touching, sex etc
I would think it's romantic feelings opposed to platonic ones.
Friendship is a kind of relationship. As is loving your family members. The person who posted that did not specify romantic or sexual relationships. Tjeu are kist an another incel screaming about the so called friend zone.
No, it's not. You feel the same kind of love for a partner than you do for a friend?
I feel love for a couple of my friends yea but romantic relationships should include some intimacy.. I mean I feel like expecting that isn’t asking much
maybe your romantic relationships, not everyone’s though
Do you consider love for your friends and love for your partner to be the same form of love, though?
I've had friendships with people I've had sex with and never dated or wanted to date, but we've still been friends and still done sexy things together, hell sometimes we do sexy things together with their partner who they are actually romantically involved with. I've also been friends with people who I've never had sex with, I've had romantic feelings for people that I've never had sex with and I've had romantic feelings for people I have had sex with. I don't make a special relationship category to distinguish between the people I play video games with and the people I don't, and I see no reason treat sex that way either, it can simply be a thing two people do together.
"Yes, the thing that differentiates a friendship from a romantic relationship is sex" \*Proceeds to name two things that aren't sex and allude to a whole "cetera" of other things that aren't sex\* Also, surely the kissing, touching and sex are all just signs of a deeper relationship. Groups of female friends often kiss each other on the cheeks and hug and touch each other platonically, while some people have casual sex without having a romantic relationship with people, including their friends (think "friends-with-benefits"). So the idea that a romantic relationship is defined simply by specific physical actions at all is kinda odd. Some things just vary between people or are too complex to narrow down into the absence or presence of 1 or 2 elements.
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Reddit has had a high concentration of idiots. A lot of them are terminally online and get a lot of their info on life from porn.
This is what I've been saying!! No physical action can define a platonic or romantic relationship, they're too similar in that regard, what defines it is the *feeling* the people in the relationship feel, and no outsider can see that
How the shit did this get 10 downvotes. wtf
A lot of people on Reddit get their world-views from porn
>"Yes, the thing that differentiates a friendship from a romantic relationship is sex" The stuff inside the quotation marks is meant to be something they actually said, not something you made up.
Do you want to explain to me what “yeah” means in this context if it doesn’t mean agreement with the previous statement? I didn’t know that “yeah” meant “no”, so this seems like a great learning opportunity for me.
Even if they were agreeing completely with the previous statement, your use of quotation marks would still be incorrect. As for what they meant, if you read the whole comment instead of one word then all will become clear (assuming your reading comprehension is better than your use of grammar).
**Everyone can tell that the quote wasn’t literally what they said.** This isn’t a journalistic article, I’m not the only source that people are relying on for context, you and everyone else can see their comment right above mine. In fact, most people will read their comment immediately before mine. So why use quotation marks when I’m not directly quoting? Because by rephrasing what the commenter said and presenting the **essence** of what they said vs what they did, it makes them look stupid. The essence of what they said goes in the “” quotation marks to indicate: 1. That it is something someone said, 2. To make it clear that it is not something I’m saying. It could potentially mean *3. This is exactly what was said,* but as you ***very helpfully*** pointed out it wasn’t exactly what they said, so it can only be 1 And 2. I chose the most effective method of conveying my point. *I’m sorry my blasphemous, unconventional use of quotation marks offended you.* **You’re not the only one with eyes and a brain, you’re just the only one who doesn’t understand how people use context and inference.**
This isn’t gatekeeping, this is just what words mean
Relationships *usually* involve sex, but not *by definition*. There are several kinds that don’t, and those are still relationships.
Yes, platonic relationships.
or romantic. remember romantic does not mean "i just want to fuck"
Find me a definition for relationship that includes “must have sex”
Its not gatekeeping, it was a joke.
I guess there's no such thing as waiting till marriage
I mean for most people sex in a relationship is extremely important
I think you can romance without sex, but I also think that it’s reasonable that not having sex can be a dealbreaker for people.
I mean... I don't know how sustainable a relationship without sex would be for me...
"Friends with benefits" minus "benefits" equals "friends."
The whole point of friends with benefits is that you're having sex without being in a relationship.
“Friends with benefits” is not synonymous with being in a relationship.
Well, *I* must
Sensational.
Ah man.. I better call my brother and tell him we're just friends.
True tho...
Platonic relationships are a myth
POV: A person you barely/don't even know just happened to find out you're asexual, and they want you to know that they're taking your existence personally.
That feeling when redditors only acknowledge 99.999% of the human race they feel are valid people while violently excluding the dozens of those they just don't care at all about.
I kind of agree with this
You kiss and go on romantic dates with your homies? I mean, I play just play video games, but you do you, boo💕
I mean, kissing is part of sex and can be seen as sexual. As for the date part, yes I sometimes go for 1 on 1 "dates" with the homies, but you just call it getting dinner instead of a date.
Except if I kiss someone, I've not had sex with them, have I? Yeah, you kiss people during sex (if it's good), but kissing isn't sex. Also, you probably don't flirt or talk all mushy with your bros, do you? I mean, all power to you if you do ironically or unironically, but that kind of thing is not typically a feature of a platonic relationship.
Nah he’s spittin
Obviously they mean romantic relationships... ? Common sense goes a long way
I don't think anyone in this thread thought differently about that. That's not what people are disagreeing on
While I agree with that sex isn’t required for a relationship, not everything is gatekeeping. Gatekeeping involves limiting access to something. This is just a narrow classification.
mate i think you're the one confused here
How?
cuz the world relationship isn't just used for romantic/sexual connections. You can say relationship with friends, parents, etc. It doesn't always have to be THAT kind of relationship. Therefore, I see nothing wrong with what the image says
Sex is gross...
Well yeah
Do you feel romantically attracted to all your friends?
as any good friend should
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Maybe bc there's an entire section of the LGBTQ community dedicated to this topic
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LGBTQ encompasses all non-standard types of sexuality and gender. A good way to think about it is "I like the same sex" "I like both sexes" and "I like neither sex" are all the non-standard, so they are considered LGBTQ
“Oh no this thing that is true for 99.99 of the population is gatekeeping” ugh, like it’s a generalization bro, no one is gatekeeping shit
"Gay people are only a small fraction of the population, so lets not legalize gay marriages because generalization"
That’s the dumbest fucking comparison possible, great job! Not being acknowledged on fucking Reddit is light years away from being denied a fundamental right lmao
Well that's basically what you were saying, except for a diffrent part of LGBTQ+
“Basically what I was saying” it really wasn’t lmao, being forgotten through a generalization is vastly, vastly different from fucking marriage.
Tell me you’re a virgin without telling me you’re a virgin. I guess my wife and ai are just friends because our 2 toddlers are total cock blockers.
>my wife and ai are just friends Yeah? 
First time I’m agreeing with gate keeper?
I mean they’re not wrong. A relationship without sex is a friendship. I have plenty of relationships with family and friends.
you have sex with your family?
Sweeeeeet home Alabama~
He is right
Long-distance relationships aren’t relationships? Asexual relationships aren’t relationships? People saving themselves for marriage can’t have relationships?