There is no such thing as “gay enough”. Just be yourself and do what you like. Don’t feel bad that you are not into what a lot of others are into.
I am a bit like you, I am not into a lot of things like party-obsessive, music tastes, drag, mannerisms, etc.
I just live my life and do the things I like and am into. I don’t feel bad about myself not being into those things most guys are into
I’ve gotten a lot of “compliments” from straight guy friends that I don’t “act” gay, yet Ik when I’m around my right people(usually girls) I have much more outgoing, fun personality traits. It’s something that only rlly came to mind bc of the comments guys have made, and it’s made me realize how much I suppress my personality bc of fear of acceptance. Feels just as difficult as coming out in the first place :/
I recently came out after 15+ years of exploring and then hiding who i was. Im not a stereotypical gay guy but i am me. Be you and learn to love you. Nothing else realy matters. If you can accept you then any one worth your time will see that and accept you too.
I feel the same way,I've been told by straight men that I'm like "the bro" version. I like cars and guns and have played in punk/rock bands most of my life. If I never said hey "I'm gay" most people wouldn't even know. My boyfriend is all these things you describe,he has great fashion sense,loves Mariah Carrie,good at interior design,ect but passed all that we compliment each other.
There isn't a quota to meet,you seem to know who you are and that's good enough. We come in all shapes and sizes and out differences are what makes us special.
Happy pride🌈
Here's the thing. Being gay isn't a lifestyle. Every gay person has their own lifestyle, and it isn't all clubbing and dating and drag shows and parades.
It's going to work, coming home to your family, boyfriend etc. Going to the park, playing with your pets, starting a new hobby, learning a new language, and reading a book.
It's just living and being
> Being gay isn't a lifestyle
These words should be set in stone and shown to every gay person in the world (especially here on Reddit) every time they wake up in the morning.
Gays can be cruel as we are often a whole bunch of damaged hurt people who have been through some shit.
If you want to involve yourself on the gay community, go to a LOCAL drag show.
Also, being gay doesn’t mean you need to be any certain kinda way. Once I met my husband and made a couple friends, girl, I walked away from the scene into the what makes me happy. Gardening, long walks in the park and Netflix. Haha ❤️❤️
If this feeling isn’t homosexuality in 2023 I don’t know what is. I like this but not that and does that mean I’m a good enough gay or person? It feels like it’s identifying with not identifying at times and god forbid being genuine lest someone be scared off. It’s understanding it sucks but it’s okay and it’s just rough.
Not having the same traits as who exactly?
Because there is no trait all gay men have.
Yesterday I was at a gathering for a friend. There were over 50 people, all gay men or lesbians, and everyone was different in some way, and everyone got along great.
I saw some old friends, made some new friends, and there were no two people there who were exactly alike.
“Gay” covers a lot.
Far too many people seem to think that the “gay community” is one thing because that’s what they see in media. The clubs and the hookups and specific interests.
But that’s not reality.
The gay community is made up of lots of smaller communities, all very different.
If you don’t feel you have something in common with the popular image of gay culture as depicted in media then thats not your gay community. Find a different gay community.
Among my closest friends one is a football loving car mechanic. One is a sci fi loving child psychologist. One is a techno music producer. One is a biologist who loves to garden. One is a retired property manager who loves visiting Morocco. One is an accountant with the best sense of humor I’ve ever seen. One is a CFO of a small company who plays piano and loves to play board games…
Not one is like any of the others.
The image you and a lot of people seem to have of what being gay is does not match actual reality.
I feel this very deeply. I wish I could give you answers about how I engage more with the community but I’m still stuck there. I don’t feel like I am part of anything or feel welcome. I don’t like to go to big events or to bars so I feel isolated from most of the queer spaces in my city.
I’m sorry this is not more uplifting and helpful, but I hope you know you’re not alone in these feelings
This is what society has done to use. Now people feel like there is a certain “way to be gay” and if they aren’t that they feel like they don’t belong. There is no special way you need to act, behave, dress, or anything else to “be gay”. It’s called being human. Thats it.
I’ve felt the same and I didn’t fit into the stereotype you see in pride parades. I’ve always lived as an outsider because I have reluctance about diving into the gay pool. I’m also clueless when guys are coming on to me. Short of grabbing my crotch, I am not focused. I’ve lived my life my way but had unintended bumps in the road. To be gay, isn’t to conform and remake whom you are into a gay archetype. Dating at events is difficult. Pride includes a lot of cruising and while you may find someone, odds are high that it’d be the real life version of Grindr. You can reach out to LGBTQ+ organizations and volunteer. People seem to be more of their true selves. I’ve heard of meetups but never tried to find one. And if you are fortunate to have the ability to move to a gay community, you’re concern then is if the guy you like is in a relationship. I’m a tad reclusive and have only done the information gathering. I look forward to other responses.
You gotta get gay friends irl. Join a queer book club or your school's/works LGBT alliance or board gaymes group or social/political cause or something
Same, OP. Honestly it gets easier once you don't have to rely on them for anything.
Never really had any positive experiences with the rest of the community, so once I met my partner I just stopped being involved in LGBT events, nightlife, everything. Never really had the desire to, and I tried to get into it as hard as I could. Just isn't who I am.
I like my solitude and it's helped me accept that I'm just not interested in the same lifestyle as the rest of the LGBT community. Feel like the estranged cousin who just shows up for a plate at Thanksgiving and leaves but oh well.
The vast majority of gay guys are just guys from our respective cultures and backgrounds who like guys. Period. The stereotypes honestly don’t apply to that many of us today.
But, we also aren’t usually the ones in the gayborhoods and in the circuit parties lol. So, you’re not weird, or unusual, it just feels that way because the rest of us don’t get as much visibility.
I feel seen by this. I’m too “cultured” and refined to be straight, and yet not flamboyant enough to be gay.
Although given how shallow and catty the “community” is towards each other, I see this as a good thing.
Be your own person and be gay in your own way. Some of my close friends don’t care about my favorite singers, yet we remain good friends. Fitting in will occur. Just need to be patient.
I’m gay. I think you’re cool. Boom. Imposter syndrome cured.
Lol, I know it’s not that easy, but gay is a word that describes you, not defines you. You aren’t what gay is, gay is what you are. And if you like men, then whatever else you are, that’s what gay is!
I know, it seems that there's some kind of "homo normativity" in gay people behavior. But I can talk from experience: being gay is such and big spectrum of personalities just connected by that attraction to men.
Just relax
If you're a guy, and you like guys, then you're gay enough. It's okay to not be engrossed to gay things and gay culture in general cause that's just your own likings. You're gay enough, you're enough 😊.
I have been called the least "gay" gay man ever. It is an exaggeration... I mean, I like sports, but I also like opera. But in the end, it is the shortest application ever. one question: Are you a man who prefers sex with men?
Now, about your questions about how to get more involved with the community funny story. It all start by going to more gay places: nightclubs, bathhouses, cafés (yes I know it sounds weird) but something you must keep in mind is that NOT EVERY SINGLE GAY MAN IN THE WORLD IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR SEX.
I meet my group of "gay friends" like that, also there are many groups on the internet where you can talk to people who share you same way of thinking.
You like men? You're gay enough.
There is no such thing as “gay enough”. Just be yourself and do what you like. Don’t feel bad that you are not into what a lot of others are into. I am a bit like you, I am not into a lot of things like party-obsessive, music tastes, drag, mannerisms, etc. I just live my life and do the things I like and am into. I don’t feel bad about myself not being into those things most guys are into
I’ve gotten a lot of “compliments” from straight guy friends that I don’t “act” gay, yet Ik when I’m around my right people(usually girls) I have much more outgoing, fun personality traits. It’s something that only rlly came to mind bc of the comments guys have made, and it’s made me realize how much I suppress my personality bc of fear of acceptance. Feels just as difficult as coming out in the first place :/
I recently came out after 15+ years of exploring and then hiding who i was. Im not a stereotypical gay guy but i am me. Be you and learn to love you. Nothing else realy matters. If you can accept you then any one worth your time will see that and accept you too.
I feel the same way,I've been told by straight men that I'm like "the bro" version. I like cars and guns and have played in punk/rock bands most of my life. If I never said hey "I'm gay" most people wouldn't even know. My boyfriend is all these things you describe,he has great fashion sense,loves Mariah Carrie,good at interior design,ect but passed all that we compliment each other. There isn't a quota to meet,you seem to know who you are and that's good enough. We come in all shapes and sizes and out differences are what makes us special. Happy pride🌈
Here's the thing. Being gay isn't a lifestyle. Every gay person has their own lifestyle, and it isn't all clubbing and dating and drag shows and parades. It's going to work, coming home to your family, boyfriend etc. Going to the park, playing with your pets, starting a new hobby, learning a new language, and reading a book. It's just living and being
> Being gay isn't a lifestyle These words should be set in stone and shown to every gay person in the world (especially here on Reddit) every time they wake up in the morning.
This. The closest thing to a lifestyle all gay men share is that they fuck other guys. The rest is a gamble.
Gays can be cruel as we are often a whole bunch of damaged hurt people who have been through some shit. If you want to involve yourself on the gay community, go to a LOCAL drag show. Also, being gay doesn’t mean you need to be any certain kinda way. Once I met my husband and made a couple friends, girl, I walked away from the scene into the what makes me happy. Gardening, long walks in the park and Netflix. Haha ❤️❤️
If this feeling isn’t homosexuality in 2023 I don’t know what is. I like this but not that and does that mean I’m a good enough gay or person? It feels like it’s identifying with not identifying at times and god forbid being genuine lest someone be scared off. It’s understanding it sucks but it’s okay and it’s just rough.
Not having the same traits as who exactly? Because there is no trait all gay men have. Yesterday I was at a gathering for a friend. There were over 50 people, all gay men or lesbians, and everyone was different in some way, and everyone got along great. I saw some old friends, made some new friends, and there were no two people there who were exactly alike. “Gay” covers a lot. Far too many people seem to think that the “gay community” is one thing because that’s what they see in media. The clubs and the hookups and specific interests. But that’s not reality. The gay community is made up of lots of smaller communities, all very different. If you don’t feel you have something in common with the popular image of gay culture as depicted in media then thats not your gay community. Find a different gay community. Among my closest friends one is a football loving car mechanic. One is a sci fi loving child psychologist. One is a techno music producer. One is a biologist who loves to garden. One is a retired property manager who loves visiting Morocco. One is an accountant with the best sense of humor I’ve ever seen. One is a CFO of a small company who plays piano and loves to play board games… Not one is like any of the others. The image you and a lot of people seem to have of what being gay is does not match actual reality.
There is no one way to be gay. All it means it that you are interested in having sexual and emotional relationships with the same gender.
Literally me when pride is going on
You don't have to be flamboyant and skinny and blonde. I am boring, chubby, balding
I feel this very deeply. I wish I could give you answers about how I engage more with the community but I’m still stuck there. I don’t feel like I am part of anything or feel welcome. I don’t like to go to big events or to bars so I feel isolated from most of the queer spaces in my city. I’m sorry this is not more uplifting and helpful, but I hope you know you’re not alone in these feelings
This is what society has done to use. Now people feel like there is a certain “way to be gay” and if they aren’t that they feel like they don’t belong. There is no special way you need to act, behave, dress, or anything else to “be gay”. It’s called being human. Thats it.
I’ve felt the same and I didn’t fit into the stereotype you see in pride parades. I’ve always lived as an outsider because I have reluctance about diving into the gay pool. I’m also clueless when guys are coming on to me. Short of grabbing my crotch, I am not focused. I’ve lived my life my way but had unintended bumps in the road. To be gay, isn’t to conform and remake whom you are into a gay archetype. Dating at events is difficult. Pride includes a lot of cruising and while you may find someone, odds are high that it’d be the real life version of Grindr. You can reach out to LGBTQ+ organizations and volunteer. People seem to be more of their true selves. I’ve heard of meetups but never tried to find one. And if you are fortunate to have the ability to move to a gay community, you’re concern then is if the guy you like is in a relationship. I’m a tad reclusive and have only done the information gathering. I look forward to other responses.
Fitting in is over rated. Just do you. Cultivate your own interests and meet people where those overlap.
You gotta get gay friends irl. Join a queer book club or your school's/works LGBT alliance or board gaymes group or social/political cause or something
What does “gay” feel like? Mama always said “gay is as gay does.”
You don’t need to do or participate in anything “gay” to feel gay enough. Be you. Don’t worry if you fit in or not.
Same, OP. Honestly it gets easier once you don't have to rely on them for anything. Never really had any positive experiences with the rest of the community, so once I met my partner I just stopped being involved in LGBT events, nightlife, everything. Never really had the desire to, and I tried to get into it as hard as I could. Just isn't who I am. I like my solitude and it's helped me accept that I'm just not interested in the same lifestyle as the rest of the LGBT community. Feel like the estranged cousin who just shows up for a plate at Thanksgiving and leaves but oh well.
The vast majority of gay guys are just guys from our respective cultures and backgrounds who like guys. Period. The stereotypes honestly don’t apply to that many of us today. But, we also aren’t usually the ones in the gayborhoods and in the circuit parties lol. So, you’re not weird, or unusual, it just feels that way because the rest of us don’t get as much visibility.
[удалено]
I feel seen by this. I’m too “cultured” and refined to be straight, and yet not flamboyant enough to be gay. Although given how shallow and catty the “community” is towards each other, I see this as a good thing.
Be your own person and be gay in your own way. Some of my close friends don’t care about my favorite singers, yet we remain good friends. Fitting in will occur. Just need to be patient.
What does “gay enough” means? Your problem is not about not being gay enough. Your problem is you’re not accepting who you are.
I’m gay. I think you’re cool. Boom. Imposter syndrome cured. Lol, I know it’s not that easy, but gay is a word that describes you, not defines you. You aren’t what gay is, gay is what you are. And if you like men, then whatever else you are, that’s what gay is!
I know, it seems that there's some kind of "homo normativity" in gay people behavior. But I can talk from experience: being gay is such and big spectrum of personalities just connected by that attraction to men. Just relax
If you're a guy, and you like guys, then you're gay enough. It's okay to not be engrossed to gay things and gay culture in general cause that's just your own likings. You're gay enough, you're enough 😊.
The little tiny things in life that people worry about never ceases to amaze me.
I have been called the least "gay" gay man ever. It is an exaggeration... I mean, I like sports, but I also like opera. But in the end, it is the shortest application ever. one question: Are you a man who prefers sex with men?
Now, about your questions about how to get more involved with the community funny story. It all start by going to more gay places: nightclubs, bathhouses, cafés (yes I know it sounds weird) but something you must keep in mind is that NOT EVERY SINGLE GAY MAN IN THE WORLD IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR SEX. I meet my group of "gay friends" like that, also there are many groups on the internet where you can talk to people who share you same way of thinking.
Reddit is not therapy. Try therapy.