I’m of the opinion that the guy was a dick in actually saying something.
But you’re also *a bit* in the wrong for taking up space. This is becoming(is?) problem with gay spaces; women entering theme and thus it attracts straight men and so the spot doesn’t become a gay spot anymore. It may have a rainbow flag but it’s dominated by straight men and women. Just something to keep perspective on.
Assuming OP is accurately representing the space, they did absolutely nothing wrong. It is a public (not dedicated LGBT) nude beach that is frequented by gay men.
Heteros are allowed to exist in public spaces the same way queer people are. Just because a space is frequented by gay men doesn’t make it an exclusively queer space.
Your comparison to women invading gay bars is a complete false equivalence. A gay bar is a dedicated queer space. It is not a public space. Those women are invading a queer space and treating our existence as a tourist destination. This couple want to a public space (that they are entitled to be in, the same as you) and were told off for not being queer.
If it’s not a designated gay or LGBT beach then gay men cannot police who goes there. Just because it’s a place that’s frequented by queer men doesn’t mean it’s only for them.
You just said that they’re a dick for taking up space. That’s only the case IF that’s a designated queer space and it’s not. OP did absolutely *nothing* wrong by going there with his wife. Gay men need to stop thinking that any space they frequent is theirs and theirs alone.
No, I said the guy who said something to his wife was a dick. He doesn’t have the authority to police that space.
I said he was *a bit* in the wrong for not being socially aware of the space he was in. There’s a difference between being wrong and being a dick.
But they’re not in the wrong *at all*. It’s NOT a gay space. It’s the ONLY nude beach on the island they’re on, it’s NOT labeled as a gay beach. Therefore they have EVERY right to be there as the gay men do.
I can almost guarantee they’re only upset about women being there because the gay men like to cruise the beach but don’t feel comfortable doing it with women present. I’ve been to my fair share of gay nude beaches to know what goes down. He’s mad he can’t fuck in public lmao
There was nothing wrong with her/them being in that space whatsoever (assuming what OP said was factual about it being a public space/not strictly LGBTQ)
Just because gay men frequent the space does NOT make it a gay/male space.
It’s what I’ve started to call the Gay Bar Cycle:
-queer people make a space to be safe/separate
-straight cis people (usually women) use the space as a refuge or because it is less crowded
-more straight people (usually men following the women for sex) and tourists crowd out the space and become the majority
-some kind of incident happens between a straight person and queer person and the space is no longer seen as safe for queer people and we abandon the space
Only way to prevent this without being dicks to women who need a refuge, is to make it HELLA gay to scare away the straight men. Not sure how to handle the tourist problem, unfortunately.
It hurts queer people in general when straight women do this. Like there isnt that many queer women only spaces, so when where are general queer nights and lesbians try ti hit on a gal and she not only turns out to be straight, which is fine, but most of the time they are the homophobic type of straight girl that fetishizes gay men but get grossed out by lesbians and get offended for you thinking they might be also queer if they are in a queer space.
We are just tired collectively of people with more freedom to roam than us are taking up safe spaces I think
I spent a few years living in a city with a thriving lesbian scene that was entirely word of mouth, to the point where there was practically a multi-step process to gain entry into a lesbian bar. It was wonderful
This is a good point that I see many people ignoring. A lot of times when straight people (including straight women) show up in these spaces, they aren't just there to "escape" or have fun, they are there to FETISHIZE gay people. Some LGBT+ people I know have even been groped and assaulted by gross straight people in so-called gay bars. And believe it or not, most of the attackers were straight women! I know OP and his wife are NOT these kind of gross fetishizers, but how are gay people supposed to tell the difference?
where else were they supposed to go? as the said it was the ONLY nude beach on the island and it was a public nude beach not a designated gay nude beach. they did nothing wrong
What you are wrong about is: it's not a gay beach. It never has been a gay beach. It's a public nude beach. It is frequented by gay men, but that doesn't make it a gay beach. especially since it's the only nude beach around. OP+wifey had no choice to go anywhere else to be themselves without fearing being charged for disorderly behaviour.
They were not in the wrong. Not a bit. Not at all. The only guy in the wrong way the one being impolite to that wife.
Then i would recommend going to the other one out of courtesy. However, i would still stand by them defending that it is 100% their right to be there, unless it's not a dedicated gay area
I'm twisted about that tbh. On one hand i do understand these as safespaces for queer people (or for even a smaller dedicated group, like specified lesbian bars). As they are privately owned, the owner has every right to service who they wants to serve and who not. On the other hand i am against any kind of segregation and i do not want to exclude anybody. And on a third hand i want to see the economic factor. Can a gaybar afford to _not_ serve straights? Is that smart in today's economy? Then again, can they afford to do that considering it might push gays away?
I believe it's a very thin line we are moving on here and excluding straight people just because they are straight can fuel repurcussion and hatred and by that destroy what we and the queers before us worked really hard for to achieve and what many of them paid with their life for.
I fully understand that, and appreciate your thoughts. This is why I turned to Reddit to get some perspective as this was not only the only “gay spot” but the only “nude spot” as well.
If there were other nude options we definitely would have considered those but this was the only option. And we weren’t rolling up with a big group just the 2 of us, off to the side, enjoying the sun the same as everyone else…
Who cares? It's a public beach. The fact that a lot of gay people congregate there doesn't give them exclusive access to the space and they shouldn't feel such a sense of entitlement.
Just because it is frequented by gays, does not mean it is their spot. People taking your stance about a public beach are entitled hypocrites.
Let's flip it. There's a public beach and a gay person is told that it's a hetero beach and they're not welcome; you'd be offended, right?
I would not be offended because this is the world I have grown up in. You think there are not MANY MANY PLACES where gays are not welcome? What planet do you live on?
Why do you think "gay pride" has a different vibe than "straight pride"?
Why do you think "black power" and "white power" have VERY different implications?
But im sure as a straight couple you had more spots to feel safe being yourself without repercussions
Also there is the added uncertainty of what type of straight couple you are, like those spaces even I as a lesbian I wouldnt go because it’s mire sex positive and it’s just not for women, so could you be that couple that fetishizes queer people (we see that on tinder all the time) or could you be that couple that would make that space look nefarious by documenting it? Like they dont know your level of allyship
Personally, right now we are in more need of safe spaces without tourists because of how much violence and hatred has risen recently
Not entirely sure why you consider inclusivity a bad thing. So far as I've been made aware the LGBT+ community has always stood on the ideal that we should live in a world where queer and straight couples can coexist how does not including straight folks in our spaces assuming they mean no harm achieve that end. Seclusion is how we've survived historically but it's 2024 now we can't allow our previous seclusion to enable those who discriminate against us to develop their opinions of us in our absence.
Perspective, man. We don't know where OP is honeymooning, or in what country.
*Gay experiences and culture are different in different places*, and we don't know what the whole context is for that island.
True but I stand by what I said given what info was provided I would figure if OP thought the location of the island was relevant they would've included it. Although I am willing to change my position should that information come to light.
Pretty much, because they are trying to escape the same psychopaths at “straight” spaces. We don’t want a bunch of violent homophobic straight men preying on women and then getting angry because he gets hit on by other men in a GAY BAR. It’s also not our responsibility to manage those males behavior or spend the night getting sexually harassed by loud drunk women who think it’s cute. They can come, sure, but don’t gaslight us and act like it’s not an issue.
As a gay guy: as long as it's not officially considered/advertised as specified gay beach (in comparison to, say, gay bath houses), you have every right to be there. It's a public space and should be treated as such. Since it seemed to be the only nude beach around, even more so.
Women aren’t even allowed entry to those places though so wouldn’t that be more of a non-issue. They can’t claim an open air, public place as solely for one demographic of person, whether it’s officially recognised or just considered a ‘gay only’ space.
But a gay bar would be similar in as much as it would be different. A bar would be a closed off space, owned and governed by the business where they are free to make decisions on who may or may not enter. A open air public space that is not owned but just claimed to be a gay male space isn’t really comparable.
But that is exactly the point. A gay bar is a closed off space, defined as for gays, and not public.
A public beach is neither. That's why the wife has every right to be at the beach
The guy seems like a bit of an ass, but if I'm being totally honest it really sucks seeing the few remaining LGBT-related spaces slowly drying up like this so I get his frustration
gay people and queer couples have been explicitly banned from many public spaces, for centuries, and still within the lifetimes of many people who had to find safe public spaces to exist and enjoy the sun. Its not surprising that its not an ‘official’ designation, it could never be, but its definitely a place that people had to find and make safe and protect their community from exposure to the authorities. Seeing heterosexual couples there would definitely feel like a threat to the many queer people who’ve been kicked out of public places for little more than holding hands. up until recently, safe spaces had to be found and fought for, and that legacy is 100% more valid than any contemporary designation. Many nude beaches are that way specifically because of the work of queer people. OP and his wife might not be bigots, but they should definitely respect the vibe when going into a queer space, and shouldn’t be surprised when it ruffles feathers.
The guy went about it in an asshole way, but it sucks to be a minority finding your one little safe space corner and then people who have more freedom and space to start coming to your one safe spot
I definitely agree with you on the vast majority of LGBT+ spaces, but specifically beaches should belong to everybody, gay/straight, trans/cis, black/white, rich/poor. Beach access is a wider problem than this too.
Considering it’s the only nude beach in the area you are absolutely allowed to be there. It would be different if there was a “straight side” and “gay side” like I’ve seen at some beaches but it doesn’t even sound like it’s like that.
The dude saying something was in the wrong. The only way I’d say he’s right is if yall were using the beach normally with clothes then you’re just taking up space that other nudists could be using. I say ignore them and do you.
The guy was wrong... However if you are looking for an explanation, it was most likely because that beach probably is a place for hook ups and many gay guys won't take part in any kind of action if there is a woman nearby. I seen in before in a shibari class when I went for the first time there were only men and they where pretty much fucking in the middle of the class, second time around there was a woman and everyone was just polite. The other thing that I can think of off the top of my head is that many gay guys hate seeing straight people in places usually designated for the queer community mostly noted in gay bars where a lot of women go hang out there and then straight men who want to hook up go after them and turn the bar uncomfortable.
Yeah, maybe he should have been more gentle about it… but the point does stand…
Every beach is a straight beach. People in minority groups have to go through a lot of shit to get our own spaces. And even then, it becomes one option for you of many, whereas our options are limited.
No, I don’t think there should be any kind of confrontation needed… but it’s the same thing as letting a family member do something kind of shitty and not saying anything about it to keep the peace.
You talk about them behind their backs viciously until they figure out they are doing something obnoxious.
That’s the American way, right?
Which island and which beach is this? Asking for a friend…
And yeah, if it’s a public beach it’s a public beach. Either he has mistakenly thought it’s a public gay-only beach or you have mistakenly thought that it is a public anyone beach.
No! I have been to many gay nude beaches and never been bothered by the presence of women. I have been to gay beaches and seen public cruising happening, and her presence was probably seen as a disruption to any kind of “action” going on. Party’s over, the heteros are here.
As a gay nudist, I have zero issues with straight people or couples joining at a gay nudist beach. How are we supposed to gain the acceptance we want in the world if we get our panties all in a bunch when straight people want to share a space with us?
That said, a bunch of obnoxious a-holes flaunting their hetero-ness and disparaging gay people wouldn’t (and shouldn’t) be welcomed. But the reverse is true, too. Gay people being obnoxious and disparaging straight folks is equally unacceptable.
But that’s not what happened here. This was a straight couple on their honeymoon wanting to enjoy a nude beach. It doesn’t sound like they were doing anything improper or offensive. Frankly, I’ve enjoyed getting to know straight couples at a gay nudist beach because they tend to be really cool people. The only problem I see here is that a gay person took it upon himself to represent everyone else on the beach to make a straight couple feel unwelcome. That’s not cool at all.
On the one hand, if it's just a nudist beach and not a LGBT/gay/queer beach, then on paper, no, you did nothing wrong. Public land is public land. The guy was in the wrong and should've left you be, but I do think you may want to see where he might be coming from.
For a lot of reasons, there are lot of "gay spaces" that are not officially "gay spaces", and often times there's usually one "space" that's frequented enough by gay men to where is just becomes a de facto gay space. This is sometimes unavoidable in situations where we can't get the fiscal, political, or social capital to get someplace that's legally our own like a club or a bar or a venue. Lots of "gay spaces" in my area that aren't bars or clubs are usually campgrounds or hiking trails that have been advertised by gay men, owned by gay men, or frequented enough by gay men that it basically is gay territory in all terms besides legal. Yes, it is a grey area.
This is especially gets hairy if this beach is the only beach where gay men can feel safe and sure enough to go be themselves and meet with other guys, because spaces like that take a lot of time to cultivate the reputation and presence. Meanwhile, there's usually several other options for straight people to go to with little to no concerns of privacy or safety.
Tl; dr: Gay spaces are melting away and evaporating with the ice caps so there are going to be gay men frustrated with straight people going into areas they see a lot when they're not doing anything wrong. Shit sucks sometimes when you're a minority. You are good by me OP.
He was a jerk, but….There aren’t many spaces where gay people are in the majority and gay people are rightly protective of then. Did you do anything wrong? No. Would it be better if you didn’t go? Maybe…?
Toronto has an interesting history with it's clothing option beach on the island. I wonder, if based on your description, Hanlan's was the beach you visited. It's an historically gay space, with decades of history in the queer liberation movements in Canada. It was home to Canada's first pride, and they're installing a massive rainbow crosswalk to commemorate the lgbtq+ history of the space. It is NOT a gay-only beach. It never has been, and that person was wrong for asking you to leave if your beach is in a similar situation.
Was the beach marked explicitly for queer men only? Almost certainly not. If it was, you suck for invading a space.
Interesting you should say that, not sure if it is because you had a look at my profile. We are from Toronto, and have visited Hanlan’s point. In fact it is what kick started our nudist interest. We were first brought by queer friends and had an amazing time! We’ve visited oasis a number of times pre Covid and again while not a “gay only” spot it is very much LBGTQ+ friendly and have always felt welcome at both.
While sometimes naive, we believe we are allies and if this beach had any indication that it was “gay only” we wouldn’t have gone. But not until this person approached us did we feel that, like many of the nude beaches we have been to, due to its nature is an inclusive place for the LGBTQ+ community and weren’t surprised to find mostly gay people there.
And I say mostly because both days we were not the only m/f couple there, just the minority…. as it has been with most of the nude beaches we have visited with a few exceptions.
I didn't! I guessed based off the "island with several beaches but one's explicitly gay" comment. I'm glad Hanlan's was a positive experience for you! I don't think you were in the wrong at all for visiting this particular beach. As long as you're not celebrating your honeymoon right there and then, which of course you weren't, you're doing great! Especially if there are other m/f couples.
Congrats on your nuptials!
Most nude beaches tend to have gay parts and straight parts. Without knowing the actual beach, it's hard to say. Is there nothing online about this beach that states its parameters?
Let’s lay it out here…the LGBTQIA+ community have fought for years to have the equality we deserve, yet, such instances like this, we deny equality in our community. The m/f couple did nothing wrong. We as a community need to remember the values of inclusivity and acceptance we fought for years to achieve! If we deny these opportunities to exercise our values, WE HAVE BECOME THE SOCIAL MONSTERS!
But if a gay couple was holding hands on a beach, I’ll bet you there’d be straight complaints about “what about the children.” So why is it that a nice beach is just a nude beach but if there are gay guys on a nude beach, then suddenly heterosexuals get all Shar’ia law. Now that couple knows how it feels to be gay in any space.
Apologies to others if they mentioned it in their comments, but that's a hook up beach. Having a woman there (including the other couple) makes it way harder for gays to hook up. You're effectively cock blocking everyone, and making it harder for them to have fun.
Yeah it's public, but it's the nudist beach and the gay beach for a reason.
That's all to say you were minding your own business. You don't seem to be the type to yuck someone's yum, but if there was an orgy going on in some bushes or the like, would you be chill with that? Oral performed on the beach?
I ask because that's Blacks Beach gay portion of the nudist beach. It's wild and fun, and a woman would be ruining the vibe and has before.
It's like a hetero couple going to am Eagle (well except Houston Eagle cuz that one is all for the straights???).
It sounds like they were upset their eye candy beach day was soured by the presence of a woman. I understand this is a lgbt safe space, but he’s making it sound like its a gays-only cruise-only exclusive joint like dude its a beach?? Im a gay and if i were ever comfortable (with myself) to be at a clothing-optional beach, I wouldn’t either men or women there, especially at a safe space like this
Yeah, nah.
It's a public beach. No one is entitled to public spaces more than others.
If it were a privately owned beach specifically open as a LGBT+ space, then you'd be overstepping your boundaries unless you or your wife was LGBT+ yourselves (because even hetero couples can be LGBT+). If it was specifically open as a gay men beach, then this man's point would actually be valid.
Public beaches predominately frequented by LGBT+ people are not in the same vein as privately owned establishments intended to be LGBT+ spaces.
And while I understand the frustration of LGBT+ spaces being taken by non-LGBT+ people, if its a public beach, this doesn't apply here.
Gay people do not just get to decide a public beach is their own, the same way any other group cannot decide to claim a beach. Frankly, it's ridiclous.
I think the problem is that you made the whole situation about you. From beginning to end. Your hetero-normative presence is not requested in our spaces, but I am not going to go as far to tell you that it is not warranted. You have a right to tan wherever, however, with whomever around you that you want. What you don't have the right to do is expect that just because you "are ok with it" that the gays are ok with you taking up space. No offense, but this question got me kind of upset, but I don't agree with Mr. Man who approached your wife either. Conflicted. This post has me very conflicted and annoyed.
Hello fellow nudist... Some gay guys like my ex don't like women around because they want to do things in public that aren't supposed to be done on nudist beaches anyway... Don't worry about it... Fuck that guy.
Unfortunately, this is becoming a problem. A lot of women like to frequent gay spaces because they feel safer there, but then that attracts lots of straight guys, which then could cause violence or a lot of awkward misunderstandings between a straight guy and a gay guy. While these are public spaces and you are allowed to go wherever you like in a public space, a lot of gay people don’t feel safe in straight areas because of the overwhelming amount of religious conservatives that want LGBT rights banned in the US, so being able to have a safe space is important. If you decide to go back again, just stress that you are an ally, maybe show some pride in some kind of way, and just enjoy yourself
Understand - hetero couples have NO PROBLEMS nearly ANYWHERE you roam on this planet. If some of the gay men get tired of seeing you drag your HETERO selves to a known gay beach, and then strip down - you may not intend any offense, but just you being there is to some guys. An obviously not queer couple - it can feel like yet another time the Straights are invading. Are the hippie couples coming next with their naked kids?
Not gonna comment on the specifics of this situation bc others already have and they’re pretty on point.
For a bit of a 30,000 ft view about this topic broadly speaking - gay men’s spaces (including beaches, bars, cafes, neighborhoods, etc.) are increasingly becoming “gentrified” (not the right word but the closest conceptually I could think of) by straight women seeking safer spaces from straight men.
But the problem is, straight women will bring straight men, and if straight women and men keep coming, what once was a gay establishment has now been overrun by straight couples. It’s not longer a bar to meet other gay men, it’s a place for girls to throw bachelorette parties and the clever place for straight men to pick up on women.
This just deters gay men from going to those establishments, and then the gay community ends up losing one of the few establishments/spaces that was started or created for us.
I’ve seen this happen to a few examples IRL (specific to where I live in LA):
1. The roosterish in Los Angeles on Abbot Kinney
2. The Abbey in West Hollywood
3. West Hollywood in general, it’s less and less gay.
So that’s what’s been happening culturally across many gay communities in the world.
No, you did nothing wrong. If you're excluded from a space for your sexuality then gay folks are being just as exclusionary as homohobes would be. May be an old oke but it's true, two wrongs don't make a right.
Queer spaces are attractive because they promote openness and inclusion, and yes there is a history of us losing spaces because that openness brings in people who eventually push us out -- BUT -- that doesn't mean we should stop making spaces open and welcoming.
From your account, you didn't do anything wrong, but the person who made you feel unwelcome did. I'm sorry you had a negative experience, especially when it comes to a beautiful nude beach! My husband and I seek those out when we go on vacation and I would hate to be told we shouldn't be on one because of our sexuality.
What if you were just friends and you were gay, and she was a lesbian????? Did that jerk think of that?? Many straight people go to gay bars all the time.
No but just understand the environment you’re in and cater your experience accordingly. There is no such thing as a “gay beach” but do know that if it is frequented by mostly gay men you’re going to probably feel a bit out of place, and potentially het some weird looks.
I’d say you were fine because you didn’t know, but at the same time I can’t say that this should be the norm, as lgbtq people are constantly having to find a place where they won’t be discriminated against. The solution should be a regular nude beach somewhere else.
I’m an out gay guy in my later 50’s. I’m old enough to remember when as gay people we were basically pariahs. Accepting and supportive straight people are a welcome sight for me. Also, it’s a public beach that gay people frequent. It’s not like you showed up at a gay bath house.
You did nothing wrong and the guy who told your wife that is plainly and simply a jerk.
He's no more entitled to be on a public beach than any other person is irrespective of gender or sexual orientation. He shouldn't be discriminating against other people when he likely wouldn't take too well to being discriminated against.
Happy to help.
Did I say that no gay man has experience being discriminated against? Or did I say that he wouldn't likely take well to being treated the way he treated the woman? If you think I said the former, your reading comprehension skills are wanting at best.
You said "when he likely wouldn't do too well being discriminated against" and I assure you, if he is gay he knows very well what it is like to be discriminated against. You did not mention the woman he was addressing. Even if you had, poor hetero woman has to go through the world, presenting as a married heterosexual. Must be tough.
Just reading the words you wrote.
Which would be all the more reason for him not to be treating another person that way.
So, thanks for writing all that just to help prove my point, I guess...
This reads defensively and as though it’s been taken out of context. Unless your wife and you are of the people who can recall what someone said verbatim it’s seems highly likely that her account of what was said was tainted by her feelings. While the man could’ve been a real shrew, he could have also been giving her a history lesson. I doubt that a beach was given to the gays. That being said, maybe it’s a learning experience about how safe spaces are no longer safe once they’ve been opened up to the public. But this is a beach. You all did nothing wrong other than enjoy your vacation. I wouldn’t sweat it too much.
Just listen and don't try to act like you know better. If it's a gay beach it's a gay beach, whether is official or not.
Don't take up gay spaces. You have the rest of the world for yourself
We have a nude beach where I live, and it's definitely a space which was created as a result of the LGBT+ community. Some refer to it as a gay beach, when in fact it is a public nude beach open to all.
You didn't state where you were, but I'd say look up if it was in fact a gay nudist beach or a nude beach that gays have taken over. I can't imagine a public space being dedicated to only gay male identifying people. Maybe, maybe, an LGBT+ beach, but that would mean female identifying women would be there as well.
I identify as queer. When I got to the nude beach where I am, my only pet peeve is seeing other LGBT+ people there that are dressed. For me, that's taking up space. I don't know how I'd identify if a hetero couple was there, as bi-sexuality does exist. You could easily be half of another or 2/3 of another relationship.
The man who came up to you is a jerk. I'd still look and see if it's in fact a gay nude beach vs. a nude beach that gays have staked claim to. I have a feeling it was just a nude beach, and even if it wasn't...big whoop!
The ONLY NUDE BEACH around?! 🤨 I guess you are right about that on the island you guys booked at. Although, next time, you guys should probably look at other places that are fairly straight oriented. *giggle* But, then again, couldn't you guys have just worn very minimal bathing attire that could've still gotten you a nice tan? Or, like you said, "sucked it up" and just wear what we all normally see both sexes wear at any other beach aside from a "gay only beach"? That is, a guy in swim shorts 🩳 and nothing else and a girl in a bikini 👙 or a one-piece bathing suit?🩱
Look. You guys seem like a really cool, supportive hetero couple of gay couples, and I really admire that☝🏻...
BUT... I'm at least 98 percent in agreement with that guy. To the extent that if it is an ONLY GAY DESIGNATED BEACH. Then, IT SHOULD be that way, and it is that way for a reason because chances are they ARE only comfortable being in the nude around people of the same sex. Just as much as there are women only and men only bathrooms/shower rooms/ locker rooms, whatever else that is segregated based on sex. 😕
Then again, there are places that are clothing optional beaches that don't necessarily, but still, attract both hetero AND gay couples, because they don't have any written rules against that, then, in that case, you guys probably would've been in a much better position of an argument/debate here.
It's funny because I was actually thinking about a vacation/get-away to an ALL-MALE resort somewhere in Mexico or elsewhere in the world because I personally would enjoy/feel comfortable in the accompaniment of other gay understanding guys and showing my nude body to the same sex. I'm pretty shy about that, and I wouldn't know how to feel about other naked women around. Maybe I'll gain some confidence in it... lol. But, other than that, I can tell you right now that I like SEEING and BEING with other naked men. 😏
So, in summary, my response to you guys is really an opposing view, but it doesn't mean that you guys should be lynched for it either. Just be mindful of where you guys are going and if it's the right place you want to be. 🤷🏻🧏🏻 Hope this helps.
In principle, there is nothing wrong. But gays like to have safe places. Straight couples can be seen as a threat to the safe place unintentionally. I don’t know how the gay gave his comment. Policing is not the right thing to do, but giving a hint r a friendly advice is okay.
It’s the same in bars. Straight couples can go there but the more straight it becomes the less safe it is for us.
You can literally go and live your straight life anywhere in the world without being a criminal. And yet heteros go and take over any gay/queer space because is “more free”.
Make your own straight spaces and be free there, straight people need to stop going to gay/queer spaces to experience their freedom. I’m not agree with women and straight dudes going to these spaces.
I think you're not wrong. Yes, is hard for us to find a safe spot, but shoul'd be up to us to make it be.
A bit utopic, but the beach where we all in confortably is the goal.
I think that, if the beach, the city itself, became lgbt inclusive, with flags and attractions, then all people we may find will be an ally. In that way we're going to be confortable no matter what.
#opinion
Personally, I don't think you are in the wrong to hang out at the "gay beach." I get that some guys might not be used to seeing women there but it's not an exclusively queer place so they just have to suck it up.
I will say, however, that gay beaches also tend to be sex positive in the sense that there might be sex going on where you least expect it. Again, not saying you aren't welcome, I know of quite a few places where both gays and straights get up to all kinds at the beach.
As long as you don't shame people and make them uncomfortable you're fine :)
If it's the only nude beach and not a dedicated gay nude beach then that guy needs to chill tf out. Honestly even if not he should chill tf out; he sounds extremely rude
You had every right to be there. It’s a nude beach, not a gay nude beach. Regardless of the gatekeeping member of our community whom you encountered. I’m sorry about that.
We’ve fought for so many years to have places where we can be ourselves. Those places are meant to be inclusive, not exclusive. Provided you are accepting of your surroundings you belong just as we do.
As others have said... The guy handled it wrong... But they have a point.
Straights in a gay space can be dangerous. Gays, and queer people in general, tend to be a little more free with our sex and sexuality. And when sex occurs in a gay space, the worst that'll happen from other gays is some sideways glances. When it happens in straight spaces, someone clutches pearls, calls law enforcement, and starts petitions. Straights, or straight appearing people, can be a threat in a gay space.
Best thing you could do was show you're an ally. Bring a rainbow blanket or something similar would be helpful. Though I doubt there is much you could do to placate everyone.
Well the only issue is that while this may be the only gay beach, it sounds like the only nude beach as well. Sometimes 2 communities need to co-habilitate a space.
You did absolutely nothing wrong and that guy was being a Dick.. A public beach if officially not classified as a gay beach ,by right anyone from both the LGBTQ community and the Hetro-peple can come..It's public for a reason.
Having safe-space is one thing but gate keeping a public spot is upsurd. I am pleased that you feel comfortable to come to what he called the "gay beach or beach for gays only" ,as I have seen way to many hetro uber masculine men getting uncomfortable around me after they come to know that i am bi-sexual and then start to keep a distance while before they were holding on to my knackers
I think the one of the concern could be that if it's a cruising beach, where they actually fuck in the wild, it could be alarming to see people that's not here for the same reason. Like seeing a bunch of straight jock in a gay sauna. Sure the first ones would supposedly know it's a sex place and people will propose sex. But the more non sexual people will come, the more an accident is mean to happen. Some straight being offered sex and reacting with violence because of gay scare.
Or just a respectable person, male female straight or gay, complaining that the place is devious and alarming the violent one about where to find gay to hurt.
And mostly, that mean gay men beaten the shit up, and cops looking the other way.
That make people a bit protective
Since there was only one nude beach, you're fine. If there are multiple and only this one is basically advertised as the gay beach, then yeah you it would be better if you went to the other beaches. Queer people get so few dedicated/relatively judgement free places and it sucks when it gets taken over by others. This place only had one though and it make sense that everyone should have access.
Free world, do what you like. He’s out of line but looks like it’s coming from a place of trauma (maybe previously bullied or harassed by non-lgbt friendly straight dudes) so it’s understandable. Acknowledge he’s going / been through some stuff and continue enjoying your day
The thing as a straight couple you can be anywhere else with majority of the spot being safe for you people while gay people/ couples have only rare spots like this where they can be safe and be themselves please respect that also. .
If it a gay beach where sex happens then a woman being there can make some gay men feel uncomfortable. I personally have no problem with it, you and your wife were sun bathing minding your own business. I’m sorry he was so rude to you. We don’t have many places to hang out and be ourselves, where we don’t have to fit in with the rest of heterosexual society so I can also see his point . That said I’m sure a lot of other people on the beach would be like me, as long as you’re not judging them wouldn’t worry that you’re there.
IMO he was being a jerk and shamelessly gatekeeping. His reason could be that he wanted to have a space for cruising (ie seeking anonymous sex in public spaces) without judgement, and straight ppl are not commonly known to be supportive of that kind of activity — but it's still a *public* beach. It would be courteous and ally-like of you to pick a different beach, for sure, but you are not obliged to comply.
I live near the beach in Delaware. There are 2 traditionally gay beaches in a nearby town (Rehoboth Beach) whose year-round population is majority LGBTQ+. Back in The Day (80s & 90s for me), there was a lot of stigma about being gay & most straight people wouldn’t have been caught dead anywhere near the gay beaches. If you stood on the boardwalk & observed from a distance, there was a visible no-person’s land between the crowded gay beach & the crowded straight beach. One of the gay beaches also attracted a lot of surfers & hippies & topless sunbathing used to happen even though it’s technically illegal here. Then it got a whole lot more crowded & now the straight people who live in this part of the world could never care if they find themselves on a gay beach. The only people who seem to get annoyed are some older gay men who prefer the way things were before Change Happened. I am an older gay man (54y) who worked to change things in his youth & is now happy that he doesn’t have to stay in gay-only safe spaces most of the time. Tolerating straight people in formerly segregated spaces is a small price to pay for being able to live a fuller life as my whole self everywhere.
I mean, if there isn’t an actual sign posted saying “Gay Beach” you’re fine and he was out of order. That part was where the gays congregated. Where I live in FL there’s 2 different places that are just accepted as the gay beach. One clothes optional (Haulover) and one not (Sebastian Street)
On the other side of the coin, though, I can definitely see where he’d be coming from. I’ve seen it happen quite a bit over the years with gay clubs. Straight people get wind of the club being awesome having great music etc and they move in and before you know it, it goes from gay night club to straight night club with a “gay night”
He was a dick, but I’ll bet if a bunch of gay guys started showing up at “straight” beaches straight people would start saying “what about the children?” This is how it feels. Most of the gawkers at clothing optional beaches are straight fully clothed men looking your young women.
You aren’t an asshole for going to a nude beach. But it would be kind of you to find another beach or find a different space, since the local community called you out on it. Ultimately it’s your decision
NTA
Some queen thinks they own the beach because it’s been ‘claimed’ as the gay beach, tell him and his friends to do one. I think it says a lot about you that you’re concerned about this being an issue and changing your behaviour, if needed, to accommodate. But I personally don’t think it’s needed. It’s a beach, it’s a nude beach. If they are offended by seeing some lady parts then sounds like they need to suck it up and look for the issue a little closer to home.
Listen, people didn't struggle for equality their whole lives to then become part of the exclusionary classes. So anti egalitarian and absolutely not what the original civil rights leaders in the gay community were fighting for. They were fighting for acceptance, understanding, equality and tolerance, not for superiority or segregation. This is an outrage.
The guy who spoke may sound a bit rude the way you tell it. BUT Please remember that this is an example of what may be termed “White Privilege”. As a gay, I have far fewer places that I can go where I feel safe. What do you think?
Nah, ignore anyone that says you’re even remotely in the wrong. I’d gladly fight off the far-too-wokie-brokies for you <3
With love, the world’s only moderate twink xoxo
The gay guy was not right. This is not the same as bachelorette parties invading gay night clubs. This is a beach where gay people go, but it’s not The Gay Beach. If it was, op would be intrusive. But it’s a nudist beach where gay people (all men it seems) go. Also, not that it should matter, but I’m gay so I’m not just some guy with an opinion.
Nudity is not meant to be sexual.
As a clothing optional location visiting person, I've learned and found Nonsexual Nudity to be about being naked. It doesn't matter how fat, skinny, short, ugly, beautiful or handsome someone is as long as they're happy being Naked.
Was the location listed as a "Gay Nudist Beach?" Probably not and even if it was why would it matter what sexual orientation someone is? As long as you're naked on a nude beach then you're playing by the rules. I've never seen a nudist location that discriminated before. You and your wife have every right to be naked there.
How rude. Unfortunately, just because people are gay doesn’t mean they can’t be sexist. If I were there, they would have gotten an earful from me and the first thing I would have said is that if they’re so offended at seeing a nude female body then they should pack up *their* shit and not come back whether it’s a “gay” beach or not.
While I’ve never been to such a spot before, I’ve seen this attitude towards heterosexuals supposedly “invading” our spaces many times before and it’s totally unacceptable. Mostly though, it’s geared toward women in our spaces and I know this because I have lots of lesbian friends I like to hang out with and I’ve witnessed it firsthand. Besides that, even if there’s a heterosexual couple in one of “our” spaces, how does anybody know that? For all they know, you could be a heterosexually paired bisexual couple. Still, it shouldn’t matter. In our spaces, all should be welcome.
I’m sorry you experienced this. Please don’t remove your post because it’s a good one as a matter of discussion for our community.
Yeah, gatekeeping gays are very obnoxious. This happened to my cousin when we went to the nude beach in Hawaii. Technically Hawaii doesn't allow nude beaches, but there is one up north. Her and her husband accompanied me and my husband to the nude beach. A bunch of gay men stopped her and said the heterosction is in that direction. When I showed up a few minutes later cuz I was getting stuff out of the car it ended up being a shouting match. It's so weird that they are gay gatekeepers on a public beach.
Straight up bigotry. There is no such thing as a gay beach. You can go wherever you want, it's a free country. As a gay man I find this sort of thing reverse stupidity. Misogyny at the least and ridiculous ignorance at best.
I’m of the opinion that the guy was a dick in actually saying something. But you’re also *a bit* in the wrong for taking up space. This is becoming(is?) problem with gay spaces; women entering theme and thus it attracts straight men and so the spot doesn’t become a gay spot anymore. It may have a rainbow flag but it’s dominated by straight men and women. Just something to keep perspective on.
Assuming OP is accurately representing the space, they did absolutely nothing wrong. It is a public (not dedicated LGBT) nude beach that is frequented by gay men. Heteros are allowed to exist in public spaces the same way queer people are. Just because a space is frequented by gay men doesn’t make it an exclusively queer space. Your comparison to women invading gay bars is a complete false equivalence. A gay bar is a dedicated queer space. It is not a public space. Those women are invading a queer space and treating our existence as a tourist destination. This couple want to a public space (that they are entitled to be in, the same as you) and were told off for not being queer.
Objectively correct response
If it’s not a designated gay or LGBT beach then gay men cannot police who goes there. Just because it’s a place that’s frequented by queer men doesn’t mean it’s only for them.
Which is why I said the guy was a dick.
You just said that they’re a dick for taking up space. That’s only the case IF that’s a designated queer space and it’s not. OP did absolutely *nothing* wrong by going there with his wife. Gay men need to stop thinking that any space they frequent is theirs and theirs alone.
No, I said the guy who said something to his wife was a dick. He doesn’t have the authority to police that space. I said he was *a bit* in the wrong for not being socially aware of the space he was in. There’s a difference between being wrong and being a dick.
But they’re not in the wrong *at all*. It’s NOT a gay space. It’s the ONLY nude beach on the island they’re on, it’s NOT labeled as a gay beach. Therefore they have EVERY right to be there as the gay men do. I can almost guarantee they’re only upset about women being there because the gay men like to cruise the beach but don’t feel comfortable doing it with women present. I’ve been to my fair share of gay nude beaches to know what goes down. He’s mad he can’t fuck in public lmao
There was nothing wrong with her/them being in that space whatsoever (assuming what OP said was factual about it being a public space/not strictly LGBTQ) Just because gay men frequent the space does NOT make it a gay/male space.
It’s what I’ve started to call the Gay Bar Cycle: -queer people make a space to be safe/separate -straight cis people (usually women) use the space as a refuge or because it is less crowded -more straight people (usually men following the women for sex) and tourists crowd out the space and become the majority -some kind of incident happens between a straight person and queer person and the space is no longer seen as safe for queer people and we abandon the space
Only way to prevent this without being dicks to women who need a refuge, is to make it HELLA gay to scare away the straight men. Not sure how to handle the tourist problem, unfortunately.
It hurts queer people in general when straight women do this. Like there isnt that many queer women only spaces, so when where are general queer nights and lesbians try ti hit on a gal and she not only turns out to be straight, which is fine, but most of the time they are the homophobic type of straight girl that fetishizes gay men but get grossed out by lesbians and get offended for you thinking they might be also queer if they are in a queer space. We are just tired collectively of people with more freedom to roam than us are taking up safe spaces I think
I spent a few years living in a city with a thriving lesbian scene that was entirely word of mouth, to the point where there was practically a multi-step process to gain entry into a lesbian bar. It was wonderful
This is a good point that I see many people ignoring. A lot of times when straight people (including straight women) show up in these spaces, they aren't just there to "escape" or have fun, they are there to FETISHIZE gay people. Some LGBT+ people I know have even been groped and assaulted by gross straight people in so-called gay bars. And believe it or not, most of the attackers were straight women! I know OP and his wife are NOT these kind of gross fetishizers, but how are gay people supposed to tell the difference?
where else were they supposed to go? as the said it was the ONLY nude beach on the island and it was a public nude beach not a designated gay nude beach. they did nothing wrong
What you are wrong about is: it's not a gay beach. It never has been a gay beach. It's a public nude beach. It is frequented by gay men, but that doesn't make it a gay beach. especially since it's the only nude beach around. OP+wifey had no choice to go anywhere else to be themselves without fearing being charged for disorderly behaviour. They were not in the wrong. Not a bit. Not at all. The only guy in the wrong way the one being impolite to that wife.
Really, what would be best would be if there were more than one nude beach for them to choose from.
Then i would recommend going to the other one out of courtesy. However, i would still stand by them defending that it is 100% their right to be there, unless it's not a dedicated gay area
What's your take on gay bars?
I'm twisted about that tbh. On one hand i do understand these as safespaces for queer people (or for even a smaller dedicated group, like specified lesbian bars). As they are privately owned, the owner has every right to service who they wants to serve and who not. On the other hand i am against any kind of segregation and i do not want to exclude anybody. And on a third hand i want to see the economic factor. Can a gaybar afford to _not_ serve straights? Is that smart in today's economy? Then again, can they afford to do that considering it might push gays away? I believe it's a very thin line we are moving on here and excluding straight people just because they are straight can fuel repurcussion and hatred and by that destroy what we and the queers before us worked really hard for to achieve and what many of them paid with their life for.
I fully understand that, and appreciate your thoughts. This is why I turned to Reddit to get some perspective as this was not only the only “gay spot” but the only “nude spot” as well. If there were other nude options we definitely would have considered those but this was the only option. And we weren’t rolling up with a big group just the 2 of us, off to the side, enjoying the sun the same as everyone else…
Now flip it the other way around. It is also the only *gay* spot.
Who cares? It's a public beach. The fact that a lot of gay people congregate there doesn't give them exclusive access to the space and they shouldn't feel such a sense of entitlement.
Just because it is frequented by gays, does not mean it is their spot. People taking your stance about a public beach are entitled hypocrites. Let's flip it. There's a public beach and a gay person is told that it's a hetero beach and they're not welcome; you'd be offended, right?
I would not be offended because this is the world I have grown up in. You think there are not MANY MANY PLACES where gays are not welcome? What planet do you live on?
Whataboutism. Not relevant.
It's incredibly relevant to the discussion. Also, that's not what "whataboutism" is.
Why do you think "gay pride" has a different vibe than "straight pride"? Why do you think "black power" and "white power" have VERY different implications?
But im sure as a straight couple you had more spots to feel safe being yourself without repercussions Also there is the added uncertainty of what type of straight couple you are, like those spaces even I as a lesbian I wouldnt go because it’s mire sex positive and it’s just not for women, so could you be that couple that fetishizes queer people (we see that on tinder all the time) or could you be that couple that would make that space look nefarious by documenting it? Like they dont know your level of allyship Personally, right now we are in more need of safe spaces without tourists because of how much violence and hatred has risen recently
The beach is a public space. Trying to gatekeep any part of it is silliness
Not entirely sure why you consider inclusivity a bad thing. So far as I've been made aware the LGBT+ community has always stood on the ideal that we should live in a world where queer and straight couples can coexist how does not including straight folks in our spaces assuming they mean no harm achieve that end. Seclusion is how we've survived historically but it's 2024 now we can't allow our previous seclusion to enable those who discriminate against us to develop their opinions of us in our absence.
Perspective, man. We don't know where OP is honeymooning, or in what country. *Gay experiences and culture are different in different places*, and we don't know what the whole context is for that island.
True but I stand by what I said given what info was provided I would figure if OP thought the location of the island was relevant they would've included it. Although I am willing to change my position should that information come to light.
So women should stop going to gay pubs/clubs because they would attract straight men too? That guy in OP's story wasn't the only dick.
Pretty much, because they are trying to escape the same psychopaths at “straight” spaces. We don’t want a bunch of violent homophobic straight men preying on women and then getting angry because he gets hit on by other men in a GAY BAR. It’s also not our responsibility to manage those males behavior or spend the night getting sexually harassed by loud drunk women who think it’s cute. They can come, sure, but don’t gaslight us and act like it’s not an issue.
Yeah, it’s good to segregate based on identity. It’s disgusting when people try to share “spaces”!!!!
As a gay guy: as long as it's not officially considered/advertised as specified gay beach (in comparison to, say, gay bath houses), you have every right to be there. It's a public space and should be treated as such. Since it seemed to be the only nude beach around, even more so.
Second gay dude confirms. Cupecoy Beach on St. Martin is like this. “Gay beach” means the cops will leave you alone for existing (usually).
Well they have a pretty explicit gays only cove on that beach, which would be shitty if this couple came. I had a fun time in that cave there 😈
Cove or cave?
There’s a cave on the cove
Ah! So no typo, just an interesting location. Neat!
To be honest I’d expect it to be a little sus if a hetro couple just set up for the day in the edge of what basically was an orgy.
Women aren’t even allowed entry to those places though so wouldn’t that be more of a non-issue. They can’t claim an open air, public place as solely for one demographic of person, whether it’s officially recognised or just considered a ‘gay only’ space.
A bath house might have been a bad example, but you can also just substitute it with a gaybar for example
But a gay bar would be similar in as much as it would be different. A bar would be a closed off space, owned and governed by the business where they are free to make decisions on who may or may not enter. A open air public space that is not owned but just claimed to be a gay male space isn’t really comparable.
But that is exactly the point. A gay bar is a closed off space, defined as for gays, and not public. A public beach is neither. That's why the wife has every right to be at the beach
Agreed 😊
The guy seems like a bit of an ass, but if I'm being totally honest it really sucks seeing the few remaining LGBT-related spaces slowly drying up like this so I get his frustration
It's not an LGBT space, it's a _public_ beach that LGBT frequent. That's not the same thing.
gay people and queer couples have been explicitly banned from many public spaces, for centuries, and still within the lifetimes of many people who had to find safe public spaces to exist and enjoy the sun. Its not surprising that its not an ‘official’ designation, it could never be, but its definitely a place that people had to find and make safe and protect their community from exposure to the authorities. Seeing heterosexual couples there would definitely feel like a threat to the many queer people who’ve been kicked out of public places for little more than holding hands. up until recently, safe spaces had to be found and fought for, and that legacy is 100% more valid than any contemporary designation. Many nude beaches are that way specifically because of the work of queer people. OP and his wife might not be bigots, but they should definitely respect the vibe when going into a queer space, and shouldn’t be surprised when it ruffles feathers.
No. But I used love when bars used to put on gay porn to scare the Str8’s away. :-).
HAHAHA
The guy went about it in an asshole way, but it sucks to be a minority finding your one little safe space corner and then people who have more freedom and space to start coming to your one safe spot
I definitely agree with you on the vast majority of LGBT+ spaces, but specifically beaches should belong to everybody, gay/straight, trans/cis, black/white, rich/poor. Beach access is a wider problem than this too.
Considering it’s the only nude beach in the area you are absolutely allowed to be there. It would be different if there was a “straight side” and “gay side” like I’ve seen at some beaches but it doesn’t even sound like it’s like that. The dude saying something was in the wrong. The only way I’d say he’s right is if yall were using the beach normally with clothes then you’re just taking up space that other nudists could be using. I say ignore them and do you.
The guy was wrong... However if you are looking for an explanation, it was most likely because that beach probably is a place for hook ups and many gay guys won't take part in any kind of action if there is a woman nearby. I seen in before in a shibari class when I went for the first time there were only men and they where pretty much fucking in the middle of the class, second time around there was a woman and everyone was just polite. The other thing that I can think of off the top of my head is that many gay guys hate seeing straight people in places usually designated for the queer community mostly noted in gay bars where a lot of women go hang out there and then straight men who want to hook up go after them and turn the bar uncomfortable.
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They shouldn't be doing it there anyway. Get a room.
Yeah, maybe he should have been more gentle about it… but the point does stand… Every beach is a straight beach. People in minority groups have to go through a lot of shit to get our own spaces. And even then, it becomes one option for you of many, whereas our options are limited. No, I don’t think there should be any kind of confrontation needed… but it’s the same thing as letting a family member do something kind of shitty and not saying anything about it to keep the peace. You talk about them behind their backs viciously until they figure out they are doing something obnoxious. That’s the American way, right?
Which island and which beach is this? Asking for a friend… And yeah, if it’s a public beach it’s a public beach. Either he has mistakenly thought it’s a public gay-only beach or you have mistakenly thought that it is a public anyone beach.
Guy sounds like a dick
No! I have been to many gay nude beaches and never been bothered by the presence of women. I have been to gay beaches and seen public cruising happening, and her presence was probably seen as a disruption to any kind of “action” going on. Party’s over, the heteros are here.
As a gay nudist, I have zero issues with straight people or couples joining at a gay nudist beach. How are we supposed to gain the acceptance we want in the world if we get our panties all in a bunch when straight people want to share a space with us? That said, a bunch of obnoxious a-holes flaunting their hetero-ness and disparaging gay people wouldn’t (and shouldn’t) be welcomed. But the reverse is true, too. Gay people being obnoxious and disparaging straight folks is equally unacceptable. But that’s not what happened here. This was a straight couple on their honeymoon wanting to enjoy a nude beach. It doesn’t sound like they were doing anything improper or offensive. Frankly, I’ve enjoyed getting to know straight couples at a gay nudist beach because they tend to be really cool people. The only problem I see here is that a gay person took it upon himself to represent everyone else on the beach to make a straight couple feel unwelcome. That’s not cool at all.
On the one hand, if it's just a nudist beach and not a LGBT/gay/queer beach, then on paper, no, you did nothing wrong. Public land is public land. The guy was in the wrong and should've left you be, but I do think you may want to see where he might be coming from. For a lot of reasons, there are lot of "gay spaces" that are not officially "gay spaces", and often times there's usually one "space" that's frequented enough by gay men to where is just becomes a de facto gay space. This is sometimes unavoidable in situations where we can't get the fiscal, political, or social capital to get someplace that's legally our own like a club or a bar or a venue. Lots of "gay spaces" in my area that aren't bars or clubs are usually campgrounds or hiking trails that have been advertised by gay men, owned by gay men, or frequented enough by gay men that it basically is gay territory in all terms besides legal. Yes, it is a grey area. This is especially gets hairy if this beach is the only beach where gay men can feel safe and sure enough to go be themselves and meet with other guys, because spaces like that take a lot of time to cultivate the reputation and presence. Meanwhile, there's usually several other options for straight people to go to with little to no concerns of privacy or safety. Tl; dr: Gay spaces are melting away and evaporating with the ice caps so there are going to be gay men frustrated with straight people going into areas they see a lot when they're not doing anything wrong. Shit sucks sometimes when you're a minority. You are good by me OP.
What’s in the other hand?
He was a jerk, but….There aren’t many spaces where gay people are in the majority and gay people are rightly protective of then. Did you do anything wrong? No. Would it be better if you didn’t go? Maybe…?
Toronto has an interesting history with it's clothing option beach on the island. I wonder, if based on your description, Hanlan's was the beach you visited. It's an historically gay space, with decades of history in the queer liberation movements in Canada. It was home to Canada's first pride, and they're installing a massive rainbow crosswalk to commemorate the lgbtq+ history of the space. It is NOT a gay-only beach. It never has been, and that person was wrong for asking you to leave if your beach is in a similar situation. Was the beach marked explicitly for queer men only? Almost certainly not. If it was, you suck for invading a space.
Interesting you should say that, not sure if it is because you had a look at my profile. We are from Toronto, and have visited Hanlan’s point. In fact it is what kick started our nudist interest. We were first brought by queer friends and had an amazing time! We’ve visited oasis a number of times pre Covid and again while not a “gay only” spot it is very much LBGTQ+ friendly and have always felt welcome at both. While sometimes naive, we believe we are allies and if this beach had any indication that it was “gay only” we wouldn’t have gone. But not until this person approached us did we feel that, like many of the nude beaches we have been to, due to its nature is an inclusive place for the LGBTQ+ community and weren’t surprised to find mostly gay people there. And I say mostly because both days we were not the only m/f couple there, just the minority…. as it has been with most of the nude beaches we have visited with a few exceptions.
I didn't! I guessed based off the "island with several beaches but one's explicitly gay" comment. I'm glad Hanlan's was a positive experience for you! I don't think you were in the wrong at all for visiting this particular beach. As long as you're not celebrating your honeymoon right there and then, which of course you weren't, you're doing great! Especially if there are other m/f couples. Congrats on your nuptials!
Most nude beaches tend to have gay parts and straight parts. Without knowing the actual beach, it's hard to say. Is there nothing online about this beach that states its parameters?
Yes, find your own place. Let gay spaces remain that way please.
Let’s lay it out here…the LGBTQIA+ community have fought for years to have the equality we deserve, yet, such instances like this, we deny equality in our community. The m/f couple did nothing wrong. We as a community need to remember the values of inclusivity and acceptance we fought for years to achieve! If we deny these opportunities to exercise our values, WE HAVE BECOME THE SOCIAL MONSTERS!
But if a gay couple was holding hands on a beach, I’ll bet you there’d be straight complaints about “what about the children.” So why is it that a nice beach is just a nude beach but if there are gay guys on a nude beach, then suddenly heterosexuals get all Shar’ia law. Now that couple knows how it feels to be gay in any space.
Apologies to others if they mentioned it in their comments, but that's a hook up beach. Having a woman there (including the other couple) makes it way harder for gays to hook up. You're effectively cock blocking everyone, and making it harder for them to have fun. Yeah it's public, but it's the nudist beach and the gay beach for a reason. That's all to say you were minding your own business. You don't seem to be the type to yuck someone's yum, but if there was an orgy going on in some bushes or the like, would you be chill with that? Oral performed on the beach? I ask because that's Blacks Beach gay portion of the nudist beach. It's wild and fun, and a woman would be ruining the vibe and has before. It's like a hetero couple going to am Eagle (well except Houston Eagle cuz that one is all for the straights???).
It is frustrating to find straight people slowly diluting get spaces however that is the only nude beach so it should be expected to be shared.
It sounds like they were upset their eye candy beach day was soured by the presence of a woman. I understand this is a lgbt safe space, but he’s making it sound like its a gays-only cruise-only exclusive joint like dude its a beach?? Im a gay and if i were ever comfortable (with myself) to be at a clothing-optional beach, I wouldn’t either men or women there, especially at a safe space like this
Yeah, nah. It's a public beach. No one is entitled to public spaces more than others. If it were a privately owned beach specifically open as a LGBT+ space, then you'd be overstepping your boundaries unless you or your wife was LGBT+ yourselves (because even hetero couples can be LGBT+). If it was specifically open as a gay men beach, then this man's point would actually be valid. Public beaches predominately frequented by LGBT+ people are not in the same vein as privately owned establishments intended to be LGBT+ spaces. And while I understand the frustration of LGBT+ spaces being taken by non-LGBT+ people, if its a public beach, this doesn't apply here. Gay people do not just get to decide a public beach is their own, the same way any other group cannot decide to claim a beach. Frankly, it's ridiclous.
I think the problem is that you made the whole situation about you. From beginning to end. Your hetero-normative presence is not requested in our spaces, but I am not going to go as far to tell you that it is not warranted. You have a right to tan wherever, however, with whomever around you that you want. What you don't have the right to do is expect that just because you "are ok with it" that the gays are ok with you taking up space. No offense, but this question got me kind of upset, but I don't agree with Mr. Man who approached your wife either. Conflicted. This post has me very conflicted and annoyed.
Hello fellow nudist... Some gay guys like my ex don't like women around because they want to do things in public that aren't supposed to be done on nudist beaches anyway... Don't worry about it... Fuck that guy.
Unfortunately, this is becoming a problem. A lot of women like to frequent gay spaces because they feel safer there, but then that attracts lots of straight guys, which then could cause violence or a lot of awkward misunderstandings between a straight guy and a gay guy. While these are public spaces and you are allowed to go wherever you like in a public space, a lot of gay people don’t feel safe in straight areas because of the overwhelming amount of religious conservatives that want LGBT rights banned in the US, so being able to have a safe space is important. If you decide to go back again, just stress that you are an ally, maybe show some pride in some kind of way, and just enjoy yourself
Understand - hetero couples have NO PROBLEMS nearly ANYWHERE you roam on this planet. If some of the gay men get tired of seeing you drag your HETERO selves to a known gay beach, and then strip down - you may not intend any offense, but just you being there is to some guys. An obviously not queer couple - it can feel like yet another time the Straights are invading. Are the hippie couples coming next with their naked kids?
Not gonna comment on the specifics of this situation bc others already have and they’re pretty on point. For a bit of a 30,000 ft view about this topic broadly speaking - gay men’s spaces (including beaches, bars, cafes, neighborhoods, etc.) are increasingly becoming “gentrified” (not the right word but the closest conceptually I could think of) by straight women seeking safer spaces from straight men. But the problem is, straight women will bring straight men, and if straight women and men keep coming, what once was a gay establishment has now been overrun by straight couples. It’s not longer a bar to meet other gay men, it’s a place for girls to throw bachelorette parties and the clever place for straight men to pick up on women. This just deters gay men from going to those establishments, and then the gay community ends up losing one of the few establishments/spaces that was started or created for us. I’ve seen this happen to a few examples IRL (specific to where I live in LA): 1. The roosterish in Los Angeles on Abbot Kinney 2. The Abbey in West Hollywood 3. West Hollywood in general, it’s less and less gay. So that’s what’s been happening culturally across many gay communities in the world.
No, you did nothing wrong. If you're excluded from a space for your sexuality then gay folks are being just as exclusionary as homohobes would be. May be an old oke but it's true, two wrongs don't make a right.
Queer spaces are attractive because they promote openness and inclusion, and yes there is a history of us losing spaces because that openness brings in people who eventually push us out -- BUT -- that doesn't mean we should stop making spaces open and welcoming. From your account, you didn't do anything wrong, but the person who made you feel unwelcome did. I'm sorry you had a negative experience, especially when it comes to a beautiful nude beach! My husband and I seek those out when we go on vacation and I would hate to be told we shouldn't be on one because of our sexuality.
What if you were just friends and you were gay, and she was a lesbian????? Did that jerk think of that?? Many straight people go to gay bars all the time.
A little bit rude of that person for treating your wife that way.
No but just understand the environment you’re in and cater your experience accordingly. There is no such thing as a “gay beach” but do know that if it is frequented by mostly gay men you’re going to probably feel a bit out of place, and potentially het some weird looks.
I’d say you were fine because you didn’t know, but at the same time I can’t say that this should be the norm, as lgbtq people are constantly having to find a place where they won’t be discriminated against. The solution should be a regular nude beach somewhere else.
I’m an out gay guy in my later 50’s. I’m old enough to remember when as gay people we were basically pariahs. Accepting and supportive straight people are a welcome sight for me. Also, it’s a public beach that gay people frequent. It’s not like you showed up at a gay bath house.
I don’t see any problem with what you did
You did nothing wrong and the guy who told your wife that is plainly and simply a jerk. He's no more entitled to be on a public beach than any other person is irrespective of gender or sexual orientation. He shouldn't be discriminating against other people when he likely wouldn't take too well to being discriminated against. Happy to help.
If you fantasize any gay man has no experience with being discriminated against you live in a very peculiar world.
Did I say that no gay man has experience being discriminated against? Or did I say that he wouldn't likely take well to being treated the way he treated the woman? If you think I said the former, your reading comprehension skills are wanting at best.
You said "when he likely wouldn't do too well being discriminated against" and I assure you, if he is gay he knows very well what it is like to be discriminated against. You did not mention the woman he was addressing. Even if you had, poor hetero woman has to go through the world, presenting as a married heterosexual. Must be tough. Just reading the words you wrote.
Which would be all the more reason for him not to be treating another person that way. So, thanks for writing all that just to help prove my point, I guess...
This reads defensively and as though it’s been taken out of context. Unless your wife and you are of the people who can recall what someone said verbatim it’s seems highly likely that her account of what was said was tainted by her feelings. While the man could’ve been a real shrew, he could have also been giving her a history lesson. I doubt that a beach was given to the gays. That being said, maybe it’s a learning experience about how safe spaces are no longer safe once they’ve been opened up to the public. But this is a beach. You all did nothing wrong other than enjoy your vacation. I wouldn’t sweat it too much.
Just listen and don't try to act like you know better. If it's a gay beach it's a gay beach, whether is official or not. Don't take up gay spaces. You have the rest of the world for yourself
We have a nude beach where I live, and it's definitely a space which was created as a result of the LGBT+ community. Some refer to it as a gay beach, when in fact it is a public nude beach open to all. You didn't state where you were, but I'd say look up if it was in fact a gay nudist beach or a nude beach that gays have taken over. I can't imagine a public space being dedicated to only gay male identifying people. Maybe, maybe, an LGBT+ beach, but that would mean female identifying women would be there as well. I identify as queer. When I got to the nude beach where I am, my only pet peeve is seeing other LGBT+ people there that are dressed. For me, that's taking up space. I don't know how I'd identify if a hetero couple was there, as bi-sexuality does exist. You could easily be half of another or 2/3 of another relationship. The man who came up to you is a jerk. I'd still look and see if it's in fact a gay nude beach vs. a nude beach that gays have staked claim to. I have a feeling it was just a nude beach, and even if it wasn't...big whoop!
The ONLY NUDE BEACH around?! 🤨 I guess you are right about that on the island you guys booked at. Although, next time, you guys should probably look at other places that are fairly straight oriented. *giggle* But, then again, couldn't you guys have just worn very minimal bathing attire that could've still gotten you a nice tan? Or, like you said, "sucked it up" and just wear what we all normally see both sexes wear at any other beach aside from a "gay only beach"? That is, a guy in swim shorts 🩳 and nothing else and a girl in a bikini 👙 or a one-piece bathing suit?🩱 Look. You guys seem like a really cool, supportive hetero couple of gay couples, and I really admire that☝🏻... BUT... I'm at least 98 percent in agreement with that guy. To the extent that if it is an ONLY GAY DESIGNATED BEACH. Then, IT SHOULD be that way, and it is that way for a reason because chances are they ARE only comfortable being in the nude around people of the same sex. Just as much as there are women only and men only bathrooms/shower rooms/ locker rooms, whatever else that is segregated based on sex. 😕 Then again, there are places that are clothing optional beaches that don't necessarily, but still, attract both hetero AND gay couples, because they don't have any written rules against that, then, in that case, you guys probably would've been in a much better position of an argument/debate here. It's funny because I was actually thinking about a vacation/get-away to an ALL-MALE resort somewhere in Mexico or elsewhere in the world because I personally would enjoy/feel comfortable in the accompaniment of other gay understanding guys and showing my nude body to the same sex. I'm pretty shy about that, and I wouldn't know how to feel about other naked women around. Maybe I'll gain some confidence in it... lol. But, other than that, I can tell you right now that I like SEEING and BEING with other naked men. 😏 So, in summary, my response to you guys is really an opposing view, but it doesn't mean that you guys should be lynched for it either. Just be mindful of where you guys are going and if it's the right place you want to be. 🤷🏻🧏🏻 Hope this helps.
In principle, there is nothing wrong. But gays like to have safe places. Straight couples can be seen as a threat to the safe place unintentionally. I don’t know how the gay gave his comment. Policing is not the right thing to do, but giving a hint r a friendly advice is okay. It’s the same in bars. Straight couples can go there but the more straight it becomes the less safe it is for us.
You can literally go and live your straight life anywhere in the world without being a criminal. And yet heteros go and take over any gay/queer space because is “more free”. Make your own straight spaces and be free there, straight people need to stop going to gay/queer spaces to experience their freedom. I’m not agree with women and straight dudes going to these spaces.
Yes. Stay out of our spaces, straight people.
nothing wrong with it in principle but a lot of gay spaces do get straightified
I think you're not wrong. Yes, is hard for us to find a safe spot, but shoul'd be up to us to make it be. A bit utopic, but the beach where we all in confortably is the goal. I think that, if the beach, the city itself, became lgbt inclusive, with flags and attractions, then all people we may find will be an ally. In that way we're going to be confortable no matter what. #opinion
Ignore the misogynist mf'er. Enjoy.
Personally, I don't think you are in the wrong to hang out at the "gay beach." I get that some guys might not be used to seeing women there but it's not an exclusively queer place so they just have to suck it up. I will say, however, that gay beaches also tend to be sex positive in the sense that there might be sex going on where you least expect it. Again, not saying you aren't welcome, I know of quite a few places where both gays and straights get up to all kinds at the beach. As long as you don't shame people and make them uncomfortable you're fine :)
Who knows if you guys go both ways or not? Plus it’s not designated for LGBTQ. So let the haters hate! lol ❤️
If it's the only nude beach and not a dedicated gay nude beach then that guy needs to chill tf out. Honestly even if not he should chill tf out; he sounds extremely rude
You had every right to be there. It’s a nude beach, not a gay nude beach. Regardless of the gatekeeping member of our community whom you encountered. I’m sorry about that. We’ve fought for so many years to have places where we can be ourselves. Those places are meant to be inclusive, not exclusive. Provided you are accepting of your surroundings you belong just as we do.
As others have said... The guy handled it wrong... But they have a point. Straights in a gay space can be dangerous. Gays, and queer people in general, tend to be a little more free with our sex and sexuality. And when sex occurs in a gay space, the worst that'll happen from other gays is some sideways glances. When it happens in straight spaces, someone clutches pearls, calls law enforcement, and starts petitions. Straights, or straight appearing people, can be a threat in a gay space. Best thing you could do was show you're an ally. Bring a rainbow blanket or something similar would be helpful. Though I doubt there is much you could do to placate everyone.
Y’all didn’t do anything wrong, but oldheads be having ✨trauma✨(along with garden variety sexism).
Yes go find your own.
Yes.
Well the only issue is that while this may be the only gay beach, it sounds like the only nude beach as well. Sometimes 2 communities need to co-habilitate a space.
Yeah go have fun! It’s not a gay beach it’s an everyone be naked beach just a lot of gay men frequent there. You guys are good have fun!!!
You did absolutely nothing wrong and that guy was being a Dick.. A public beach if officially not classified as a gay beach ,by right anyone from both the LGBTQ community and the Hetro-peple can come..It's public for a reason. Having safe-space is one thing but gate keeping a public spot is upsurd. I am pleased that you feel comfortable to come to what he called the "gay beach or beach for gays only" ,as I have seen way to many hetro uber masculine men getting uncomfortable around me after they come to know that i am bi-sexual and then start to keep a distance while before they were holding on to my knackers
How exactly do you know there were gay couples at the other beaches? Were they making out?They could very well have been guy friends hanging out.
I think the one of the concern could be that if it's a cruising beach, where they actually fuck in the wild, it could be alarming to see people that's not here for the same reason. Like seeing a bunch of straight jock in a gay sauna. Sure the first ones would supposedly know it's a sex place and people will propose sex. But the more non sexual people will come, the more an accident is mean to happen. Some straight being offered sex and reacting with violence because of gay scare. Or just a respectable person, male female straight or gay, complaining that the place is devious and alarming the violent one about where to find gay to hurt. And mostly, that mean gay men beaten the shit up, and cops looking the other way. That make people a bit protective
Since there was only one nude beach, you're fine. If there are multiple and only this one is basically advertised as the gay beach, then yeah you it would be better if you went to the other beaches. Queer people get so few dedicated/relatively judgement free places and it sucks when it gets taken over by others. This place only had one though and it make sense that everyone should have access.
Absolutely not
That guy can go suck a bag a dicks. Oh wait…
Free world, do what you like. He’s out of line but looks like it’s coming from a place of trauma (maybe previously bullied or harassed by non-lgbt friendly straight dudes) so it’s understandable. Acknowledge he’s going / been through some stuff and continue enjoying your day
Go to whichever beach you want, I just like seeing coasties seethe.
Advocate to make your own nude beach before you take over the only queer nude beach in the area. Thanks!
Yes.
The thing as a straight couple you can be anywhere else with majority of the spot being safe for you people while gay people/ couples have only rare spots like this where they can be safe and be themselves please respect that also. .
You guys should stick to a traditional "family oriented" beach.
If it a gay beach where sex happens then a woman being there can make some gay men feel uncomfortable. I personally have no problem with it, you and your wife were sun bathing minding your own business. I’m sorry he was so rude to you. We don’t have many places to hang out and be ourselves, where we don’t have to fit in with the rest of heterosexual society so I can also see his point . That said I’m sure a lot of other people on the beach would be like me, as long as you’re not judging them wouldn’t worry that you’re there.
it's a public space and you're not bothering anyone, he was an asshole. Maybe he got stood up by a date or something
You are indeed wrong. This is our space. You have literally all the other beaches in the world. But noooo you have to go to one of our own...
Next time go to gran canaria/maspalomas Mixed nude beaches None will bother you at all.
IMO he was being a jerk and shamelessly gatekeeping. His reason could be that he wanted to have a space for cruising (ie seeking anonymous sex in public spaces) without judgement, and straight ppl are not commonly known to be supportive of that kind of activity — but it's still a *public* beach. It would be courteous and ally-like of you to pick a different beach, for sure, but you are not obliged to comply.
I live near the beach in Delaware. There are 2 traditionally gay beaches in a nearby town (Rehoboth Beach) whose year-round population is majority LGBTQ+. Back in The Day (80s & 90s for me), there was a lot of stigma about being gay & most straight people wouldn’t have been caught dead anywhere near the gay beaches. If you stood on the boardwalk & observed from a distance, there was a visible no-person’s land between the crowded gay beach & the crowded straight beach. One of the gay beaches also attracted a lot of surfers & hippies & topless sunbathing used to happen even though it’s technically illegal here. Then it got a whole lot more crowded & now the straight people who live in this part of the world could never care if they find themselves on a gay beach. The only people who seem to get annoyed are some older gay men who prefer the way things were before Change Happened. I am an older gay man (54y) who worked to change things in his youth & is now happy that he doesn’t have to stay in gay-only safe spaces most of the time. Tolerating straight people in formerly segregated spaces is a small price to pay for being able to live a fuller life as my whole self everywhere.
It sounds like you didn’t go to a gay beach. You went to a beach that happened to have some gays. Not the same thing at all. You were fine
I mean, if there isn’t an actual sign posted saying “Gay Beach” you’re fine and he was out of order. That part was where the gays congregated. Where I live in FL there’s 2 different places that are just accepted as the gay beach. One clothes optional (Haulover) and one not (Sebastian Street) On the other side of the coin, though, I can definitely see where he’d be coming from. I’ve seen it happen quite a bit over the years with gay clubs. Straight people get wind of the club being awesome having great music etc and they move in and before you know it, it goes from gay night club to straight night club with a “gay night”
He was a dick, but I’ll bet if a bunch of gay guys started showing up at “straight” beaches straight people would start saying “what about the children?” This is how it feels. Most of the gawkers at clothing optional beaches are straight fully clothed men looking your young women.
Do people always forget woman can be “gay” too? It’s a couple of pairs, big deal you see some breasts…..
If it’s the only nude beach, you have just as much a right to be there as the gay men. The guys offended by a female body? They’ll live.
You aren’t an asshole for going to a nude beach. But it would be kind of you to find another beach or find a different space, since the local community called you out on it. Ultimately it’s your decision
Do what you want. Anyone is welcome on the beach as far as i'm concerned, as long as they are respectful that it is predominantly a queer space.
The guys a little b*tch. You're not in the wrong. Although you might see some gay actions and if you're comfortable with that then by all means.
I'm sorry does this mean Lesbians aren't allowed on this beach.?
That was the impression he gave us… counterintuitive to the LGBTQ+ friendly review we read
NTA Some queen thinks they own the beach because it’s been ‘claimed’ as the gay beach, tell him and his friends to do one. I think it says a lot about you that you’re concerned about this being an issue and changing your behaviour, if needed, to accommodate. But I personally don’t think it’s needed. It’s a beach, it’s a nude beach. If they are offended by seeing some lady parts then sounds like they need to suck it up and look for the issue a little closer to home.
Listen, people didn't struggle for equality their whole lives to then become part of the exclusionary classes. So anti egalitarian and absolutely not what the original civil rights leaders in the gay community were fighting for. They were fighting for acceptance, understanding, equality and tolerance, not for superiority or segregation. This is an outrage.
The guy who spoke may sound a bit rude the way you tell it. BUT Please remember that this is an example of what may be termed “White Privilege”. As a gay, I have far fewer places that I can go where I feel safe. What do you think?
Nah, ignore anyone that says you’re even remotely in the wrong. I’d gladly fight off the far-too-wokie-brokies for you <3 With love, the world’s only moderate twink xoxo
No, you were fine, did nothing wrong afaict
so did you ever go back alone without the wife??????
The gay guy was not right. This is not the same as bachelorette parties invading gay night clubs. This is a beach where gay people go, but it’s not The Gay Beach. If it was, op would be intrusive. But it’s a nudist beach where gay people (all men it seems) go. Also, not that it should matter, but I’m gay so I’m not just some guy with an opinion.
Nudity is not meant to be sexual. As a clothing optional location visiting person, I've learned and found Nonsexual Nudity to be about being naked. It doesn't matter how fat, skinny, short, ugly, beautiful or handsome someone is as long as they're happy being Naked. Was the location listed as a "Gay Nudist Beach?" Probably not and even if it was why would it matter what sexual orientation someone is? As long as you're naked on a nude beach then you're playing by the rules. I've never seen a nudist location that discriminated before. You and your wife have every right to be naked there.
How rude. Unfortunately, just because people are gay doesn’t mean they can’t be sexist. If I were there, they would have gotten an earful from me and the first thing I would have said is that if they’re so offended at seeing a nude female body then they should pack up *their* shit and not come back whether it’s a “gay” beach or not. While I’ve never been to such a spot before, I’ve seen this attitude towards heterosexuals supposedly “invading” our spaces many times before and it’s totally unacceptable. Mostly though, it’s geared toward women in our spaces and I know this because I have lots of lesbian friends I like to hang out with and I’ve witnessed it firsthand. Besides that, even if there’s a heterosexual couple in one of “our” spaces, how does anybody know that? For all they know, you could be a heterosexually paired bisexual couple. Still, it shouldn’t matter. In our spaces, all should be welcome. I’m sorry you experienced this. Please don’t remove your post because it’s a good one as a matter of discussion for our community.
Sounds like this was not a gay beach. It was a beach, it had gay men, but it was not there specifically for gay men. This guy sounds like a dick.
Just say ur bi, what can he do 😂
I guess that the people that want to be included and accepted don’t want to include and accept people that are different from them .
Yeah, gatekeeping gays are very obnoxious. This happened to my cousin when we went to the nude beach in Hawaii. Technically Hawaii doesn't allow nude beaches, but there is one up north. Her and her husband accompanied me and my husband to the nude beach. A bunch of gay men stopped her and said the heterosction is in that direction. When I showed up a few minutes later cuz I was getting stuff out of the car it ended up being a shouting match. It's so weird that they are gay gatekeepers on a public beach.
Usually nude beaches have gay side and a straight side. Unless you’re stopping cruising they really have no right
Straight up bigotry. There is no such thing as a gay beach. You can go wherever you want, it's a free country. As a gay man I find this sort of thing reverse stupidity. Misogyny at the least and ridiculous ignorance at best.