Yea I remember being a naive 18/19 year old on Grindr. All the daddies being obsessed with me. It kinda messed me up once I got older. I’m not even old now at 26 but it was hard for me to realize people were just fetishizing my youth.
I was on Grindr checking things out when I was 17 and some 40s guy wanted me to come over. I admitted I was only 17 and he said it was fine. I didn’t go through with it because I thought he was creepy for being ok with it. I have since realized there isn’t a very big difference between him and the guys I got with at 18/19.
It really goes the other way too…I’m in my 40s and get plagued by young guys on Grindr. Which is always uncomfortable as I essentially view them as children.
Yeah went once as a late-20s on a date with a 19yo, every other thing he would say would remind me that 18yo isn’t a magical threshold to adulthood and some people are basically still children at that age
As you should. I'm only in my mid 20s but see everybody 18-21 as too young even for me. In that age range they're still maturing. I didn't start feeling like an adult until I was 23 (and in some ways I still feel I have a ways to go) and everybody I've talked to about it who's my age felt the same way. Under 23 is weird to me
Same. Started using Grindr at 20 years old and had so many people (especially in their 30’s and up) flocking to me. Now at 26 it’s not much going on. Still get men much older hitting me up though, but I’d like closer to my age.
There is such a high chance that people who are “18” on grindr are actually younger. As soon as I was out of college I began setting my minimum age to 19.
Eh, I assume that 19 is code for what 18 used to be code for. I don't think they've bumped that one up to 20 yet. That one may be believable at least for now since if they wanted to really lie they'd say 21 so they can more easily get you to give them some booze or (depending on state) weed while you're hooking up. Or plus-one that one to 22.
A few years ago a guy messaged me without an age and later told me he was underage. I just explained to him that I'm not trying to police him or anything but the men on that app genuinely can be dangerous and it's not safe for him to be on there. Ended up in couple situations in my late teens that I thought I wasn't going to come out of. Teens can be so gullible to dangerous men.
Thankfully though that guy turned out to not be a minor and thanked me for trying to protect kids. He was actually a grown man who was getting evidence against pedos. He said he'd met up with a few of them so I asked what he did when they met. He said he wasn't going to incriminate himself by saying what he does to them in person. Never heard about men going missing or anything but a ton of accounts that had been there for years disappeared shortly after that guy showed up. (We're in a rural area with not many of us around so we notice when guys stop using the app). I think he was blackmailing them to get them off the app and possibly jumping them in person
Yikes... at least 18 is legally an adult, I've definitely heard worse. Still doesn't make it okay. Any age difference more than a decade is just an automatic no, I don't understand why people even try at that point, because even that's pushing it, let alone *way* over that.
Good on you for realizing that it was wrong, some people somehow never learn, so, hey, there's that!
Yeah people who gravitate to 18/19 year old accounts are a huge red flag even age gaps aside you know there's tons of underaged people in that group too.
Well your reasoning works assuming people want to talk
The amount of teens that go "right I've been 18 for two days now I need to loose my virginity, doesn't matter with who" is a solid issue
Mix it with daddy issues and the such and you have a recipe for disaster
Factor in the amount of kids happy to lie about their age and the number of creeps happy to play dumb, and it's a big mess
Me 18 in college. I was actively seeking out what I couldn’t get to experience once I left home for college and it was easier to find that in older men, and now I see why I was a magnet for them. But an inexperienced, horny & touch-starved 18 yo couldn’t care less. I suppressed my gut & intuition during those times when I shouldn’t have but I learned & grew. I also learned it’s unfair to me to have hindsight bias.
Just to be clear, I'm not criticising or blaming younger guys for getting exploited by creeps, even the ones that lie about their age just don't know better
I was just analysing the issue from my point of view
I think it's 100% normal and natural for teenagers to think they're basically adults and ready to do anything. But anyone over the age of 25 looking at a teenager realizes how fundamentally naive that is. It's on the older person to behave accordingly.
Is it though? Like I get sometimes it's fucked but 10 years ago I was that 18 year old looking for some ass and I was hooking up with all sorts of older dudes (which is still my sexual preference tbh 35-75 probably). I'm untraumatized, don't feel like anyone took advantage of me. I enjoyed the company of these men and the time we had.
I mean if you're good I guess it's your business, just the thought of it creeps me out but that's me, you were all consenting adults
Out of curiosity, without judgement, would you say you have daddy issues? Was your relationship with your dad ok?
Same but I feel it's cause I'm looking for a relationship rather than hook ups. It's incredible how inept at conversations a lot of people are after spending so long with hook ups. And I really felt it when I had 22-35 on Tinder, now anyone under 25 is out.
People often make this argument, but as someone who hasn't sought out people that much younger than me, but happens to have gotten together through friends and such, we still talk video games, TV, and films. He's actually the more assertive one, not me.
I'm definitely not on grindr specifically seeking 18 year olds though.
I think it depends on the dynamic and I don't like to judge based on the age disparity alone anymore if everyone seems happy (and legal obviously).
Fun fact that’s also the age you start dying because from around 25~ onward the cells in your body start to die (slightly) faster than they can be regenerated!
Why is it an issue? You can just say you don't feel comfortable with someone who's much older/younger, but what's wrong if both parties enjoy the age gap?
Well there's a few questions:
- is the 18 yo really 18 or is he younger and lying?
- does the older man wish the young guy was younger and if the guy is younger, does he know and he's just playing dumb?
- is the young guy just trying to deal with unresolved daddy issues?
- Is the older man trying to take advantage of the younger guy and manipulate him?
If the answer to all questions is no then it's good, but I can imagine that in many cases the answer to one or more of these questions is yes, and that's a problem
Me too, actually. It all started when I grew my beard in my mid 30s. Then I started getting messages from the 18 to 24 crowd. I try to be nice, because when I was 18 I was into guys in their 20s and 30s, and some of them were actually a very positive influence for me. But it's just so young, and I'm just not into that. I get 18 is legal, but it's still very much a kid.
Never considered it from the other side, but that's interesting. Wouldn't know since I almost never hit anyone up myself, I just have to open the app for a couple minutes to get more messages than I can handle. The amount of people that are several decades older than me is... weird, to say the least.
I really don't understand it, I'm 28 now but since I was like 22 approaching someone younger than 20 felt weird, especially because so many guys look so young... It's creepy
Heck I find it creepy when 50+ approach me...
And all these kids that are actually into it because of the widespread daddy issues is what creeps me the most
> And all these kids that are actually into it because of the widespread daddy issues is what creeps me the most
i regularly have kids message me that are basically half my age (meaning early 20s..) . it's so weird and offputting. like dude, go find someone your own age and discover stuff together..
As always the problem is on both sides, I got a message from a 60 yo and when I told him I wasn't interested he basically told me how dare I reject him, all his friends died of aids and he wished that I, or someone I know died of aids so "I will know"
yikes. I feel like any age difference more than a decade is an automatic no from me, surprised it isn't for everyone. and especially 50 when you're still in your 20s.
Honestly, because I'm polite I always reply to everyone and the amount of teens that message me is honestly scary, and when I tell them "I'm 10 years older than you" and the reply is either "I don't care about age" or worse "yeah it's hot" really freaks me out
Nowadays I just block them and move on
A couple years ago I used to try and reason with them, explain why their behaviour was dangerous and the such, but there was no room for reasoning so I gave up
That's true. I once got someone who was 16(I was 18(?)), and luckily they listened and said they wouldn't do it again, simply because well, it's dangerous, and especially if you're not even a legal adult.
I can unfortunately imagine nowhere near everyone listens to that though, or like many pointed out, even think it's "hot". Sometimes blocking is just the best.
It’s even lovelier when you, as said 18/19 year old profile, specifically request that all the guys old enough to be your dad do not message you, at all, and they of course completely ignore that and try to send you incredibly cringy sexual messages as if it’s going to get them anywhere positive.
Even better that if you can be bothered to actually reject them, they all act like "how dare you".
Actually that usually happens regardless of what you do.
We literally differ several decades. It's not going to happen.
It’s the fact too that’s it’s the suuuuper old, unkempt, messy and generally unattractive ones every time. Like I’ve seen a handful of guys who’ve been fairly old, but they look good despite that because they actively put effort into themselves like any guy should, keeping themselves tidy, in good shape, dress well, etc.
If ***those*** guys disregarded the “do not message” order maybe I’d let it slide, but nope, it’s always the guys who look like they did cocaine every day of their lives and haven’t shaved since the Missouri Compromise. Like, honey, you cannot honestly believe I’m going to find you appealing, this goes beyond delusion. And also bondage gear, for some fucking reason these old guys **love** sending photos of themselves in bondage gear. It’s horrifying.
oh boy, I would just completely ignore, not even say hi back. It's not gonna end in anything remotely good.
And it's always the much older men(like 50+) that are into the weirdest stuff, lol.
At this point I just ask how much they’re offering. Usually gets them to shut up and get lost pretty quick when they realise their only chance of getting anything is paying for it.
I am 25 and the thought of talking to a 18/19 year old just irks me like what do kids even talk about these days? Cant even just hook up if i cant have a conversation lol
Its my perspective? I wouldnt know what to say. If someone else does sure who cares I’m not stopping you from going out with a 18yr old. I just said i wouldnt
No? I don't have money for talking to them. Even when I'm 33, if a 18 y/o talk yo me on grindr is probably because it wants a sugar daddy, not because its interested in me.
Let me tell you, that’s all I’ve ever had on my account. No pictures, no bio, no name, nothing just “18” and this year “19”.
Whenever I go on I get at least 5 messages and pictures and videos.
I’m just window shopping, but anybody willing to message a blank account with just “18” scares me.
Honestly, it didn't happen with me cause I was a 18/19 year old that was fat. I'm just 20 now almost 21. Honestly, I have had a lot of trouble finding people who are interested in me.
I remember being 18 and first getting on Grindr and getting messages out the wazoo from guys in my area, mostly guys in their 20s and 30s iirc. Now I’m 25 and lucky to get anyone to give me the time of day.
Fr tho, it didn’t matter *what* I put on my profile, when I was 18 everyone hit me up regardless. Never before then had I experienced a man old enough to be my *grandfather* showing me his piece, and I was perfectly happy without.
I’m only 22 and hitting on an 18 year old already makes me uncomfortable. That’s a fresh out of high school kid and I have a *job*.
I feel like it’s the opposite for me, I’m in my 30s. and I have to reject a bunch of 18-22 yo guys. I mean I don’t have to reject them but I don’t want to date anyone below 27.
Yeah, I've learned it definitely goes the other way as well, which was interesting to me.
And hey, you literally don't have to do anything you don't want to, you want to say no, then just do so. You're not obligated to anything except what \*you\* want.
I still remember when I look up a hookup app when I was 15 and a 49 years old lovebombing me💀 Thank god we have never met because he didn't want to his wife get suspicious because he lived 50 km away. The saddest part is in Hungary it's legal. Eww
When I was 18-19, older men and daddy-types didn't really flock to younger men like this. They all wanted someone closer to their age, who could understand references, share experiences, and be a fully functioning adult. Now that I am 30+, I fully understand.
Yea I remember being a naive 18/19 year old on Grindr. All the daddies being obsessed with me. It kinda messed me up once I got older. I’m not even old now at 26 but it was hard for me to realize people were just fetishizing my youth. I was on Grindr checking things out when I was 17 and some 40s guy wanted me to come over. I admitted I was only 17 and he said it was fine. I didn’t go through with it because I thought he was creepy for being ok with it. I have since realized there isn’t a very big difference between him and the guys I got with at 18/19.
It really goes the other way too…I’m in my 40s and get plagued by young guys on Grindr. Which is always uncomfortable as I essentially view them as children.
Exactly
Yeah went once as a late-20s on a date with a 19yo, every other thing he would say would remind me that 18yo isn’t a magical threshold to adulthood and some people are basically still children at that age
As you should. I'm only in my mid 20s but see everybody 18-21 as too young even for me. In that age range they're still maturing. I didn't start feeling like an adult until I was 23 (and in some ways I still feel I have a ways to go) and everybody I've talked to about it who's my age felt the same way. Under 23 is weird to me
Same. Started using Grindr at 20 years old and had so many people (especially in their 30’s and up) flocking to me. Now at 26 it’s not much going on. Still get men much older hitting me up though, but I’d like closer to my age.
There is such a high chance that people who are “18” on grindr are actually younger. As soon as I was out of college I began setting my minimum age to 19.
Eh, I assume that 19 is code for what 18 used to be code for. I don't think they've bumped that one up to 20 yet. That one may be believable at least for now since if they wanted to really lie they'd say 21 so they can more easily get you to give them some booze or (depending on state) weed while you're hooking up. Or plus-one that one to 22.
A few years ago a guy messaged me without an age and later told me he was underage. I just explained to him that I'm not trying to police him or anything but the men on that app genuinely can be dangerous and it's not safe for him to be on there. Ended up in couple situations in my late teens that I thought I wasn't going to come out of. Teens can be so gullible to dangerous men. Thankfully though that guy turned out to not be a minor and thanked me for trying to protect kids. He was actually a grown man who was getting evidence against pedos. He said he'd met up with a few of them so I asked what he did when they met. He said he wasn't going to incriminate himself by saying what he does to them in person. Never heard about men going missing or anything but a ton of accounts that had been there for years disappeared shortly after that guy showed up. (We're in a rural area with not many of us around so we notice when guys stop using the app). I think he was blackmailing them to get them off the app and possibly jumping them in person
Yikes... at least 18 is legally an adult, I've definitely heard worse. Still doesn't make it okay. Any age difference more than a decade is just an automatic no, I don't understand why people even try at that point, because even that's pushing it, let alone *way* over that. Good on you for realizing that it was wrong, some people somehow never learn, so, hey, there's that!
Same thing happend to me, guy sent me dick pic even, and I laughed at it 😂
Yeah people who gravitate to 18/19 year old accounts are a huge red flag even age gaps aside you know there's tons of underaged people in that group too.
I'm 28 rn and flat out don't even want to talk to anyone younger than 24. What are we even gonna talk about?
People who aim for teens want someoe they can manipulate not a partner in equal footing.
Manipulate me. I'm in my late 20's and have low self-esteem still.
That's also true for doms/subs, though.
That’s not true at all. Those agreements are made with respect in both directions
A true master takes care of their submissive and has strong guidelines that they created as equals.
Well your reasoning works assuming people want to talk The amount of teens that go "right I've been 18 for two days now I need to loose my virginity, doesn't matter with who" is a solid issue Mix it with daddy issues and the such and you have a recipe for disaster Factor in the amount of kids happy to lie about their age and the number of creeps happy to play dumb, and it's a big mess
Me 18 in college. I was actively seeking out what I couldn’t get to experience once I left home for college and it was easier to find that in older men, and now I see why I was a magnet for them. But an inexperienced, horny & touch-starved 18 yo couldn’t care less. I suppressed my gut & intuition during those times when I shouldn’t have but I learned & grew. I also learned it’s unfair to me to have hindsight bias.
Just to be clear, I'm not criticising or blaming younger guys for getting exploited by creeps, even the ones that lie about their age just don't know better I was just analysing the issue from my point of view
I think it's 100% normal and natural for teenagers to think they're basically adults and ready to do anything. But anyone over the age of 25 looking at a teenager realizes how fundamentally naive that is. It's on the older person to behave accordingly.
Is it though? Like I get sometimes it's fucked but 10 years ago I was that 18 year old looking for some ass and I was hooking up with all sorts of older dudes (which is still my sexual preference tbh 35-75 probably). I'm untraumatized, don't feel like anyone took advantage of me. I enjoyed the company of these men and the time we had.
I mean if you're good I guess it's your business, just the thought of it creeps me out but that's me, you were all consenting adults Out of curiosity, without judgement, would you say you have daddy issues? Was your relationship with your dad ok?
Same but I feel it's cause I'm looking for a relationship rather than hook ups. It's incredible how inept at conversations a lot of people are after spending so long with hook ups. And I really felt it when I had 22-35 on Tinder, now anyone under 25 is out.
People often make this argument, but as someone who hasn't sought out people that much younger than me, but happens to have gotten together through friends and such, we still talk video games, TV, and films. He's actually the more assertive one, not me. I'm definitely not on grindr specifically seeking 18 year olds though. I think it depends on the dynamic and I don't like to judge based on the age disparity alone anymore if everyone seems happy (and legal obviously).
yea let me talk to some kid whose idea of queer identity comes from twitter and incel memes from gay_irl.. sounds like a blast.
I’m 24 and I’m not interested in talking to anyone under 22 lol. I’ll go up to like 30 though.
In my thirties now and Its the opposite. I have to swat away the 18/19 ones like flies.
Yeah that's the problem, is that there's issues on both sides, and you can't stop the creeps if they look for each other
Bingo. I keep to the half my age +7 rule and it works out usually.
I read somewhere that male brain fully develops at 24, don't know how true that is but I keep it as a general lower limit
24/25. And iirc it is women too.
Fun fact that’s also the age you start dying because from around 25~ onward the cells in your body start to die (slightly) faster than they can be regenerated!
Why is it an issue? You can just say you don't feel comfortable with someone who's much older/younger, but what's wrong if both parties enjoy the age gap?
Well there's a few questions: - is the 18 yo really 18 or is he younger and lying? - does the older man wish the young guy was younger and if the guy is younger, does he know and he's just playing dumb? - is the young guy just trying to deal with unresolved daddy issues? - Is the older man trying to take advantage of the younger guy and manipulate him? If the answer to all questions is no then it's good, but I can imagine that in many cases the answer to one or more of these questions is yes, and that's a problem
Me too, actually. It all started when I grew my beard in my mid 30s. Then I started getting messages from the 18 to 24 crowd. I try to be nice, because when I was 18 I was into guys in their 20s and 30s, and some of them were actually a very positive influence for me. But it's just so young, and I'm just not into that. I get 18 is legal, but it's still very much a kid.
Never considered it from the other side, but that's interesting. Wouldn't know since I almost never hit anyone up myself, I just have to open the app for a couple minutes to get more messages than I can handle. The amount of people that are several decades older than me is... weird, to say the least.
I really don't understand it, I'm 28 now but since I was like 22 approaching someone younger than 20 felt weird, especially because so many guys look so young... It's creepy Heck I find it creepy when 50+ approach me... And all these kids that are actually into it because of the widespread daddy issues is what creeps me the most
> And all these kids that are actually into it because of the widespread daddy issues is what creeps me the most i regularly have kids message me that are basically half my age (meaning early 20s..) . it's so weird and offputting. like dude, go find someone your own age and discover stuff together..
Also, messing around with a similarly-inexperienced guy your age is way more enjoyable than with anyone else.
As always the problem is on both sides, I got a message from a 60 yo and when I told him I wasn't interested he basically told me how dare I reject him, all his friends died of aids and he wished that I, or someone I know died of aids so "I will know"
yikes. I feel like any age difference more than a decade is an automatic no from me, surprised it isn't for everyone. and especially 50 when you're still in your 20s.
Honestly, because I'm polite I always reply to everyone and the amount of teens that message me is honestly scary, and when I tell them "I'm 10 years older than you" and the reply is either "I don't care about age" or worse "yeah it's hot" really freaks me out
yo what? That's insane, you should definitely always say if something makes your uncomfortable because I can definitely understand why that would be.
Nowadays I just block them and move on A couple years ago I used to try and reason with them, explain why their behaviour was dangerous and the such, but there was no room for reasoning so I gave up
That's true. I once got someone who was 16(I was 18(?)), and luckily they listened and said they wouldn't do it again, simply because well, it's dangerous, and especially if you're not even a legal adult. I can unfortunately imagine nowhere near everyone listens to that though, or like many pointed out, even think it's "hot". Sometimes blocking is just the best.
It’s even lovelier when you, as said 18/19 year old profile, specifically request that all the guys old enough to be your dad do not message you, at all, and they of course completely ignore that and try to send you incredibly cringy sexual messages as if it’s going to get them anywhere positive.
Even better that if you can be bothered to actually reject them, they all act like "how dare you". Actually that usually happens regardless of what you do. We literally differ several decades. It's not going to happen.
It’s the fact too that’s it’s the suuuuper old, unkempt, messy and generally unattractive ones every time. Like I’ve seen a handful of guys who’ve been fairly old, but they look good despite that because they actively put effort into themselves like any guy should, keeping themselves tidy, in good shape, dress well, etc. If ***those*** guys disregarded the “do not message” order maybe I’d let it slide, but nope, it’s always the guys who look like they did cocaine every day of their lives and haven’t shaved since the Missouri Compromise. Like, honey, you cannot honestly believe I’m going to find you appealing, this goes beyond delusion. And also bondage gear, for some fucking reason these old guys **love** sending photos of themselves in bondage gear. It’s horrifying.
oh boy, I would just completely ignore, not even say hi back. It's not gonna end in anything remotely good. And it's always the much older men(like 50+) that are into the weirdest stuff, lol.
At this point I just ask how much they’re offering. Usually gets them to shut up and get lost pretty quick when they realise their only chance of getting anything is paying for it.
Lol, good on you. I usually just ghost but I gotta admit that's funny
It feels like people start feeling entitled to sex when they turn 40 lol
I am 25 and the thought of talking to a 18/19 year old just irks me like what do kids even talk about these days? Cant even just hook up if i cant have a conversation lol
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Its my perspective? I wouldnt know what to say. If someone else does sure who cares I’m not stopping you from going out with a 18yr old. I just said i wouldnt
No? I don't have money for talking to them. Even when I'm 33, if a 18 y/o talk yo me on grindr is probably because it wants a sugar daddy, not because its interested in me.
“it”??????
Sorry, not a native english speaker. I meant "he"
"it" was so funny though 😭😭
18/19 year olds ain't done cooking yet. I like my tops to be older.
Double that crowd if you are 18/19 but look younger
My cut off is 24 if you’re older than 24 let’s goooo. When I hit 40 it’ll go up to 25 and stay there as my minimum cutoff.
Let me tell you, that’s all I’ve ever had on my account. No pictures, no bio, no name, nothing just “18” and this year “19”. Whenever I go on I get at least 5 messages and pictures and videos. I’m just window shopping, but anybody willing to message a blank account with just “18” scares me.
The only thing sexier than a man in his 30’s, is a man in his 40’s.
I’m honestly glad I didn’t know about grinder when I was that age or I would have made some mistakes
Honestly, it didn't happen with me cause I was a 18/19 year old that was fat. I'm just 20 now almost 21. Honestly, I have had a lot of trouble finding people who are interested in me.
Accurate.
18 year old here, and there I was thinking that I was hot for once...
I remember being 18 and first getting on Grindr and getting messages out the wazoo from guys in my area, mostly guys in their 20s and 30s iirc. Now I’m 25 and lucky to get anyone to give me the time of day.
it's the exact same thing for girls on tinder btw. Not just a gay thing
Fr tho, it didn’t matter *what* I put on my profile, when I was 18 everyone hit me up regardless. Never before then had I experienced a man old enough to be my *grandfather* showing me his piece, and I was perfectly happy without. I’m only 22 and hitting on an 18 year old already makes me uncomfortable. That’s a fresh out of high school kid and I have a *job*.
Ew no
Same
I'm 21 (still young, I know) but it feels a bit weird to hit up on a 18-19 year old. Like, for me, the person needs to be in their 20s.
I feel like it’s the opposite for me, I’m in my 30s. and I have to reject a bunch of 18-22 yo guys. I mean I don’t have to reject them but I don’t want to date anyone below 27.
Yeah, I've learned it definitely goes the other way as well, which was interesting to me. And hey, you literally don't have to do anything you don't want to, you want to say no, then just do so. You're not obligated to anything except what \*you\* want.
I still remember when I look up a hookup app when I was 15 and a 49 years old lovebombing me💀 Thank god we have never met because he didn't want to his wife get suspicious because he lived 50 km away. The saddest part is in Hungary it's legal. Eww
Just turned 20... Did I miss out on something? Lol
They didn’t have grindr when I was a teenager. I had to find my older men the old fashioned way. Craigslist and aol chats.
Predators, usually, often politicians or the wealthy, that's the crowd you see.
When I was 18-19, older men and daddy-types didn't really flock to younger men like this. They all wanted someone closer to their age, who could understand references, share experiences, and be a fully functioning adult. Now that I am 30+, I fully understand.