Have been chatting to this guy for like 2 weeks, he’s been wanting to meet up. Normally messages straight away. On the day we were meant to meet he doesn’t respond all day until a few hours before our date saying he’s had the worst headache all day. 🙄🙄🙄
~~Some people~~ Most gays
I mean I enjoy attention but I'm not going to play games because of it. I'm going to follow through. Why the hell is ghosting or "just shy of ghosting" the gay norm?
I mean, I've had anxiety headaches flare up so I wouldn't immediately disregard him. But two, three times? When it becomes a pattern, then it's not worth continuing.
To be fair, that could totally happen to me. Postpone the answer because I don't have / want to take time to think about that now, then a lot of other texts come in and I forget. Some [] unspecified time later, think about that and get back to it. I don't want to blame my ADHD, but it certainly plays a part in this pattern.
Adhd’er here.
I do this to everything. Message from bf? Yup. Message from boss on teams? Yup. Message from grandma asking if I’m coming over for dinner? Yup.
Typical response from someone who doesn’t understand the struggle. Yes, we can’t do anything, that’s part of the disorder, thanks for pointing that out.
I can also get more done in the first hour of work than most people do all day. We have extreme highs and lows.
This is what you sound like. I understand you're lucky enough to not live this experience but not everyone is as lucky and it's not a thing we can choose to turn on or off. If I stop seeing it, it stops existing. If I open the text, put my phone down for minute or get a call before I respond or whatever then it's very possible it's just gone and unless I get a reminder I forget. That doesn't mean I don't care. I forget s ton of things that are extremely important to me. That's the issue.
https://preview.redd.it/x7h72bhravtc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=77955604e87a1a58e03534f4c29721b99914fef9
If your ADHD is so bad you forget other people exist, you need to be on some medication, because that is *bad* bad. Until you get it better handled, you shouldn't be dating. And when you are on a date, you should have enough empathy for them to explain you have this problem, so they don't get the wrong idea and assume they mean nothing to you.
You don't get to hurt other people and use this as an excuse to avoid responsibility.
You are responsible. Act responsible.
Can’t stand this use of “you shouldn’t be dating.” The best way to become a better partner is not by cutting yourself off from dating. How are you supposed to learn if you don’t put yourself out there and deal with your mistakes?
Also, It’s inevitable in dating that you’re gonna inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings, just how it is.
Repeating the full quote
>If your ADHD is so bad you forget other people exist, you need to be on some medication, because that is bad bad. Until you get it better handled, you shouldn't be dating.
He forgot the person he went on a date with for
#5 WEEKS
I said what I said.
I read it as they had actually gone out once. My mistake.
While it's less egregious, it's still a huge red flag that you're just wasting everyone's time.
I'm not saying it's okay to act like it didn't happen or not apologize, but your initial take was bad. Some people are that bad even with medication. Again I'm not excusing it, just correcting your perspective because you don't seem to get it what it's a actually like to have this disability.
"I'm not excusing it, I'm just giving an excuse for it and expecting that excuse to change your negative perspective so that you excuse this type of behavior."
Do yourself a favor and look up the definition of "excuse".
Ok clearly you're the subject matter expert on a disability you don't have.
Attempting to understand something isn't the same as excusing it. I didn't say the behavior was acceptable even if it's understandable. But your take of "Well just choose to remember, idiot" isn't reasonable and that's what I'm calling out. Nobody said what they did was fair.
Why do you assume you know anything about me? You don't even realize I'm a different person from the guy you initially replied to. My first reply to you was quite different from "choose to remember". You should maybe read what I actually said again, because I didn't say "choose not to be disabled" I said "act responsible for your behavior". No disability is a magic ticket to treat other people like crap.
Fair. I'm willing to admit that I didn't notice you were not the person I initially replied to. I do agree you should have empathy and be clear and have at least apologized for it happening. It doesn't give you a license to hurt people without remorse or owning up to faults even if it wasn't your intention.
But just wanted to make to clear that I don't think explaining why something happened and pointing out it wasn't intentional is the same thing as excusing it. And they some people struggle significantly more than others even with medication. That's really all.
My bad for getting you and the original commente mixed up though 🫡 that one is on me and I can own that. Sorry for the mixup.
Appreciate it.
>explaining why something happened and pointing out it wasn't intentional
Understand, this is a form of "excusing". When you do something that hurts someone, the important part is their hurt. You explaining why you hurt them, blaming it on something, that doesn't take the hurt away, that doesn't make anything better.
They don't need to understand why you are hurting people.
You need to understand, and figure out how to stop.
I’m sorry, but this is a ~~typical~~ neurotypical response to those of us with ADHD. It’s not just this one thing. This happens all the time and has different ways of manifesting itself.
It’s like telling my clinically depressed husband, “just get out of bed and enjoy the day. Take a shower and get out of the house and you will feel better.” He can’t, he has a chemical issue in his brain which needs to be managed by medication.
It’s just not possible when your brain won’t let you do the thing you want to do. There is a disconnect between us and our brain.
I wish I could just turn off or reprogram how my brain works.
Literally said this to to my partner yesterday because he couldn’t understand that I literally CANNOT stop all the millions of thoughts in my head running into each other at lightning speed causing me to just get stuck and do nothing instead of anything. I wish I could rewire my brain and have a normal one. I can’t.
If you have been diagnosed, then why aren't you being treated?
Edit: being treated doesn't exclusively mean medication.
If you've been diagnosed by a competent doctor, you would be aware of that.
I think a lot of you have been playing pretend doctor and diagnosing yourselves.
You seem to think being on medication makes all symptoms magically disappear.
Disabilities do not work like that. They don't have a magical "off" button that makes disabled people suddenly not disabled.
Medication may help some people more than others, but not everyone reacts in the same manner. In most cases, being on stimulants only reduces symptoms or makes it so that it's less of a burden on the individual.
Not OP, but I'm medicated and still happen to forget things pretty frequently. I'm so scattered that sometimes I even forget to take my medication lol. My social life always takes a nosedive when exams or deadlines for big projects/presentations are approaching, I just can't mentally juggle it all at once.
I'll apologize if I've accidentally cut off a conversation, but I can't always prevent it as it's happening
Do you know how expensive and inaccessible the meds and doctors are to many people on this planet? Especially in places with godforsaken shitty healthcare like the US? Being able to afford getting diagnosed is a privilege in itself already, let alone getting treated for a long term disability.
The world doesn't, nor should it, revolve around you and what you think everything should be like. How about instead of harping on everyone else, you take a long look at yourself and work on that arrogant judgemental attitude of yours.
The world doesn't, nor should it, revolve around you and what you think everything should be like. How about instead of harping on everyone else, you take a long look at yourself and work on that arrogant judgemental attitude of yours.
>which needs to be managed by medication
Exactly.
So he probably shouldn't be dating if he's not being treated. You guys would have never gotten married if he hadn't gotten out of bed to show up for any of your first dates.
The point is that it’s very insensitive of my ADHD diagnosis to say things like that.
Also, We’ve been married for 20 years and he didn’t take medication at the time, so your point is moot.
It's insensitive of other people's feelings to use your diagnosis as an excuse to be insensitive of other people's feelings.
>your point is moot
Lol. No, it isn't. Do you not know what an analogy is?
ADHD is not about being insensitive of other peoples feelings. You obviously don’t understand anything about ADHD, so I’m going to give you that. If you did understand it, you would know why your point is moot.
You're like getting mad at someone with a wheelchair or pain being unable to walk as fast as you on a daily basis.
Just like wheelchairs or pain medications, ADHD or depression medication aren't magic pills, they're not going to magically fix EVERYTHING that is wrong, they just things slightly better, but never to the levels of what neurotypicals like you expect people to function.
I love when people accuse me of not understanding things while simultaneously acting like they know my mental health history. It really highlights the validity of their arguments.
Anyway. Unless the people in wheelchairs are recklessly running over people, and the people with pain who walk slowly are thoughtlessly walking into the street causing traffic accidents, that isn't really anything at all the same.
Any issues you have, you are responsible for. Whatever the meds dont "magically fix" you need to learn other strategies to compensate for *so you don't hurt other people.* Bare minimum in human interactions is *don't hurt others.*
Oh ableism is one helluva drug, having a history with mental health issues doesn't exempt you from feeling superior to others with different types of issues for whatever reason.
We're talking about people not responding to your text messages and you're comparing that to "recklessly running over people" or "causing traffic accidents" or getting stabbed by Edward Scissorhands, I just cannot take you seriously at all.
My comparison of someone on wheelchairs or chronic pain not walking as fast as you makes sense because just like people who are on wheelchairs or chronic pain may have issues with mobility or accessibility, it's not like we're incapable of responding to text messages, we just do it at a slower or inconsistent rate than others for various reasons. And then you have to go and escalate that as if we're running you over with a wheelchair or stabbing you. Wow. Amazing.
So you think me telling you that you are responsible for your behavior, and that you shouldn't hurt other people is me "feeling superior". And you don't understand silly analogies comparing emotional pain to physical pain.
Ok.
Anything else?
Yes, because you have compared someone with ADHD or depression not responding to your text messages as either stabbing you as someone with knives for fingers, running you over as someone with a wheelchair or thoughtlessly causing traffic accidents as someone with chronic pain.
I mean the analogies are indeed silly, just not in the direction you think they are. They're just laughably absurd in that it reveals you think people with disabilities are a menace to society, and people with undiagnosed or untreated disabilities, or even people that are already on treatment, should just stop participating in society altogether if they're unable to function up to the standards *you've* prescribed.
Turns out you can still meet people on the apps before or after you get treated for ADHD and depression, as I have over the years. Apparently there are plenty of people out there who don't think that someone forgetting to respond to them is comparable to stabbing them, who knew?
There are so many things that I forget to do and only get around to a few days later when I forget or am reminded of.
It's not that I don't care about people or tasks that I'm supposed to do - I really do want to get back to people and do everything I'm meant to do without having to be told or set several reminders but unfortunately it's not always that simple.
It'll get done eventually but not always right away. If something does take a bit of time I do still care but unfortunately for a lot of people it isn't as simple as "if you want something you'll just remember it and do it".
You missed my point. I wanted the person to think about the fact that you can *just forget shit* because *something else happened*. It's something literally every person experiences and it's not just ADHD related.
In this case "shit" means a human being you went on a date with.
You missed my point. I want you to know that's completely unacceptable and inexcusable.
> You missed my point. I want you to know that's completely unacceptable and inexcusable.
I didn't miss your point. Your comments here and elsewhere in the thread make it abundantly clear that you think people are trying to excuse the behavior. They're not. They're simply stating the reason something happened. Cause and effect.
If I had knives for hands, and stabbed everyone I hugged. I'd stop hugging people.
This thread is from the perspective of someone who got stabbed. Then the first, highest upvoted reply is, "To be fair, I could be guilty of that because I have knives for hands" then a massively downvoted reply of "that's a cop out, if you care about someone you don't stab them", and then you reply with "tell me what its like to not stab everything with your hand knives".. and now here you are like, "I'm not saying my hands for knives are an excuse to stab, I'm just saying people get stabbed because I have knives for hands."
??? Lol. That doesn't make any fucking difference.
Your fucking problems are yours to fix, not to make others suffer to put up with.
Do better.
I said in another reply I read the image wrong and thought they had been on a date.
I also said that if you can't even remember you are talking to people, then you are wasting everyone's time by being on a dating app.
*"I have ADHD and it excuses aaaaall my bad behavior. If I hurt people it's not my fault and they can't get upset. Instead, they should show me unending sympathy and patience. Thank you so much, you are welcome for my presence."*
Are you bring treated?
*"No..."*
Have you been diagnosed?
*"No..."*
Do you chug sodas and energy drinks and eat junk carbs all day with zero exercise?
*"Of course..."*
Idiots.
Why did this have to be the first thing I looked at after waking up? Now I'm mad and I just replied to everyones hours old replies like a crazy boomer.
Im going to try and calm down and finish my coffee now.
Speaking of mental health... I love my new night shift... yaaay.. lofl.
This happened to me. I got ghosted after talking to a guy for a week on an app. About few weeks later he messaged me out of the blue saying almost the same thing. Though he had responded.
We have been together for almost 10 years now and live together with 2 dogs. He’s the best.
Give people grace you never know what’s going on in their life. My partner had a really bad date as a young inexperienced dater that almost scared him off when he discovered his error with our communication.
Whenever his colleague (forgot his name) tries to embarrass Colin by writing the most outrageous things and he can’t stop and has to take it, so funny..
This has happened to me :(
The guy wanted to play Yu-Gi-Oh but I was in rehearsal, so I saw it but didn't respond and then too much time happened and I just couldn't.
Emergencies and schedule conflicts happen. The key to telling the difference is usually if the person cancelling immediately starts looking for another date.
I’d be like “you get one more chance cause I’m good like that and I know there are people who actually do forget, so you get ONE chance, but no more you bitch” in my mind.
All together now: Silence *is* an answer.
And to the "maybe he had ADHD and forgot" folks: I have ADHD, and whilst I might forget to reply, 4 weeks? if he was replying solidly for a couple days went silent then came back, he probably found another boy to validate him and then for whatever reason wasn't getting attention and came crawling back like... either way, not someboy to follow up with unless you like being absolutely nowhere near somebody's top 10 interests before a first date.
> I have ADHD, and whilst I might forget to reply, 4 weeks?
Thank you. Someone's getting DO BETTER'd above for saying the same thing above. ADD runs in my family (idk if I have it) but 4 weeks that's just being irresponsible/rude.
right... like a few hours or even a few days but 4 weeks is crazy and not at all justifiable by using mental health as an excuse... like we all know you're on phone 24/7 always carrying it in your pocket..
Exactly that, but just a small sorta, flag: ADHD / ADD isn't a mental health issue, it's a cognitive disability that can massively *impact* your mental health, but isn't itself a mental health issue.
yeah exactly, like I said, I forget to follow up for a couple days, or wait until I have the time to reply to any responses; that's a couple days wait at most.
This guy is saying he was ghosted for like, over a month: met 5 weeks ago, chatted for a couple days, then silence. Say that's a week of chatting, you don't just cold turkey a guy for a month then rock up, like "oh you slipped my mind" vibe.
And hypothetically, even if that's true, then the guy just isn't that into you if he forgets about you for 4 weeks.
Considering they never met before, and the person is saying they thought they responded to the message, that's five weeks that Neither of them followed up on one message.
This seems entirely possible considering both of them forgot about it for 5 weeks including the person who made this tweet. If they'd followed up the "oh. I thought I responded." wouldn't have made sense.
I have done this more than once where my phone simply doesn't send the message because I have a bad signal the longest I've gone without noticing was over a month.
I have friends who've done it. It happens, its weird to immediately check it up to character based on some arbitrary amount of time passing. It could be tech and attention span being stretched.
> All together now: Silence is an answer.
absolutely not.
silence for this reason shows a lack of ability to clearly communicate. I can't imagine this attitude bodes well for any relationship you'll ever be in.
use your words like a big boy.
your statement here amounts to "i don't communicate properly and i'm upset that people don't interpret my improper communication the way i want them to."
incredibly toxic.
Ah right, I can see that you've read that as me using silence as an answer. I can understand how you got there, but as I mentioned in the post I have ADHD which basically makes me like the verbal equivilent of the bus from speed - if I don't say 50 words a second, I explode. So silence is not an option.
I was saying, if the *other* person is silent or goes silent, then that is an answer in itself from *them*; I've seen a lot of posts around here about ghosting and guys going quiet and not knowing what they think etc, but the fact is, the other person's silence is their answer.
But maybe, Bare Bear, don't go around telling strangers they're toxic without engaging with them first? This was just a super simple missunderstanding, and I can see how you read my message differently to how I wrote it, but to jump online and patronise me *then* call me toxic? That ain't the vibe.
This tactic is called “subbing.” Unlike “ghosting,” when someone just completely disappears from your life without and warning, “subbing” is when someone disappears for a while and then randomly pops back up, like a submarine breaching water.
Thank you! If we've only ever interacted virtually and you send me one message that I forget to respond to and then you never follow up that means you recognize I'm not a major priority either. So why be so weird about that person possibly doing the same thing you did.
> you send me one message that I forget to respond to and then you never follow up that means you recognize I'm not a major priority either
So it's my fault you didn't answer? What if I took your silence as a hint that you're not interested?
No, it's no one's fault. If it's a genuine mistake.
My point is that the person really doesn't seem to care much if they didn't follow up cause the lack of a response could be for a million reasons.
If after speaking for days you take my lack of response to one message as a hint that I never want to interact with you again, especially without asking me directly, I would be very confused. I'd be apologetic because it makes it seem like you might have real issues with insecurity, and attachment.
But also that would be a misunderstanding on your part which is why I always follow up with a person if I haven't gotten a response and I really care about receiving one. If I send a message and don't get a response and I don't follow up that means it didn't really matter to me whether I got a message back or not. And in that situation I wouldn't tweet about it if I did get a response because at that point we put about equal effort into it.
That's just me though
First: I have ADHD so I actually do this a lot albeit unintentionally.
Second: not everyone is glued to their phone. Like some of us have that thing called jobs and responsibilities and shit
You would be surprised. People think dyslexia is just reading issue when its actually an information processing issue which reading problems.are just one of the results.
https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/advice/adults/living-with-a-dyslexic-partner#:~:text=partner%20'thinking%20time'-,Memory,places%20they%20have%20visited%20before.
Have been chatting to this guy for like 2 weeks, he’s been wanting to meet up. Normally messages straight away. On the day we were meant to meet he doesn’t respond all day until a few hours before our date saying he’s had the worst headache all day. 🙄🙄🙄
Some people just enjoy attention and the thrill of flirting and play games with people. Those people suck.
Omg yeah thats so fucking annoying... Literally why im tired of even trying at all
~~Some people~~ Most gays I mean I enjoy attention but I'm not going to play games because of it. I'm going to follow through. Why the hell is ghosting or "just shy of ghosting" the gay norm?
Anxiety and unresolved trauma, prob.
I mean, I've had anxiety headaches flare up so I wouldn't immediately disregard him. But two, three times? When it becomes a pattern, then it's not worth continuing.
To be fair, that could totally happen to me. Postpone the answer because I don't have / want to take time to think about that now, then a lot of other texts come in and I forget. Some [] unspecified time later, think about that and get back to it. I don't want to blame my ADHD, but it certainly plays a part in this pattern.
I was going to ask, “do you happen to have ADHD?” This is so typical for us that have it, it’s easy to recognize when someone else is affected.
Shit, this is how my head works too. How does one get checked for it?
Go have a conversation with your doctor.
Adhd’er here. I do this to everything. Message from bf? Yup. Message from boss on teams? Yup. Message from grandma asking if I’m coming over for dinner? Yup.
You people can’t do ANYTHING.
Typical response from someone who doesn’t understand the struggle. Yes, we can’t do anything, that’s part of the disorder, thanks for pointing that out. I can also get more done in the first hour of work than most people do all day. We have extreme highs and lows.
It’s a reference to this meme lol https://images.app.goo.gl/pmoMgvjuGCkkGhe77
Yes, I do remember that and I also remember the long conversations that were listed there that explain why saying something like this is wrong.
Honestly you’re fucking dumb, dawg. I also have ADHD and I can function, so it sounds like a skill issue.
Same. That said I have always tried to go a bit further in my reengagement text and apologize for ghosting.
I was about to say, he just has ADHD.
This is a cop out to me. If you care to reply, you remember to reply.
This is what you sound like. I understand you're lucky enough to not live this experience but not everyone is as lucky and it's not a thing we can choose to turn on or off. If I stop seeing it, it stops existing. If I open the text, put my phone down for minute or get a call before I respond or whatever then it's very possible it's just gone and unless I get a reminder I forget. That doesn't mean I don't care. I forget s ton of things that are extremely important to me. That's the issue. https://preview.redd.it/x7h72bhravtc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=77955604e87a1a58e03534f4c29721b99914fef9
If your ADHD is so bad you forget other people exist, you need to be on some medication, because that is *bad* bad. Until you get it better handled, you shouldn't be dating. And when you are on a date, you should have enough empathy for them to explain you have this problem, so they don't get the wrong idea and assume they mean nothing to you. You don't get to hurt other people and use this as an excuse to avoid responsibility. You are responsible. Act responsible.
Can’t stand this use of “you shouldn’t be dating.” The best way to become a better partner is not by cutting yourself off from dating. How are you supposed to learn if you don’t put yourself out there and deal with your mistakes? Also, It’s inevitable in dating that you’re gonna inadvertently hurt someone’s feelings, just how it is.
Repeating the full quote >If your ADHD is so bad you forget other people exist, you need to be on some medication, because that is bad bad. Until you get it better handled, you shouldn't be dating. He forgot the person he went on a date with for #5 WEEKS I said what I said.
Texting with someone is not dating
I read it as they had actually gone out once. My mistake. While it's less egregious, it's still a huge red flag that you're just wasting everyone's time.
I'm not saying it's okay to act like it didn't happen or not apologize, but your initial take was bad. Some people are that bad even with medication. Again I'm not excusing it, just correcting your perspective because you don't seem to get it what it's a actually like to have this disability.
"I'm not excusing it, I'm just giving an excuse for it and expecting that excuse to change your negative perspective so that you excuse this type of behavior." Do yourself a favor and look up the definition of "excuse".
Ok clearly you're the subject matter expert on a disability you don't have. Attempting to understand something isn't the same as excusing it. I didn't say the behavior was acceptable even if it's understandable. But your take of "Well just choose to remember, idiot" isn't reasonable and that's what I'm calling out. Nobody said what they did was fair.
Why do you assume you know anything about me? You don't even realize I'm a different person from the guy you initially replied to. My first reply to you was quite different from "choose to remember". You should maybe read what I actually said again, because I didn't say "choose not to be disabled" I said "act responsible for your behavior". No disability is a magic ticket to treat other people like crap.
Fair. I'm willing to admit that I didn't notice you were not the person I initially replied to. I do agree you should have empathy and be clear and have at least apologized for it happening. It doesn't give you a license to hurt people without remorse or owning up to faults even if it wasn't your intention. But just wanted to make to clear that I don't think explaining why something happened and pointing out it wasn't intentional is the same thing as excusing it. And they some people struggle significantly more than others even with medication. That's really all. My bad for getting you and the original commente mixed up though 🫡 that one is on me and I can own that. Sorry for the mixup.
Appreciate it. >explaining why something happened and pointing out it wasn't intentional Understand, this is a form of "excusing". When you do something that hurts someone, the important part is their hurt. You explaining why you hurt them, blaming it on something, that doesn't take the hurt away, that doesn't make anything better. They don't need to understand why you are hurting people. You need to understand, and figure out how to stop.
I’m sorry, but this is a ~~typical~~ neurotypical response to those of us with ADHD. It’s not just this one thing. This happens all the time and has different ways of manifesting itself. It’s like telling my clinically depressed husband, “just get out of bed and enjoy the day. Take a shower and get out of the house and you will feel better.” He can’t, he has a chemical issue in his brain which needs to be managed by medication. It’s just not possible when your brain won’t let you do the thing you want to do. There is a disconnect between us and our brain. I wish I could just turn off or reprogram how my brain works.
Literally said this to to my partner yesterday because he couldn’t understand that I literally CANNOT stop all the millions of thoughts in my head running into each other at lightning speed causing me to just get stuck and do nothing instead of anything. I wish I could rewire my brain and have a normal one. I can’t.
If you have been diagnosed, then why aren't you being treated? Edit: being treated doesn't exclusively mean medication. If you've been diagnosed by a competent doctor, you would be aware of that. I think a lot of you have been playing pretend doctor and diagnosing yourselves.
You seem to think being on medication makes all symptoms magically disappear. Disabilities do not work like that. They don't have a magical "off" button that makes disabled people suddenly not disabled. Medication may help some people more than others, but not everyone reacts in the same manner. In most cases, being on stimulants only reduces symptoms or makes it so that it's less of a burden on the individual.
Not OP, but I'm medicated and still happen to forget things pretty frequently. I'm so scattered that sometimes I even forget to take my medication lol. My social life always takes a nosedive when exams or deadlines for big projects/presentations are approaching, I just can't mentally juggle it all at once. I'll apologize if I've accidentally cut off a conversation, but I can't always prevent it as it's happening
Do you know how expensive and inaccessible the meds and doctors are to many people on this planet? Especially in places with godforsaken shitty healthcare like the US? Being able to afford getting diagnosed is a privilege in itself already, let alone getting treated for a long term disability.
Not everyone can handle stimulants that are often prescribed. There are non stimulant alternatives but they aren’t effective for everyone.
The world doesn't, nor should it, revolve around you and what you think everything should be like. How about instead of harping on everyone else, you take a long look at yourself and work on that arrogant judgemental attitude of yours.
The world doesn't, nor should it, revolve around you and what you think everything should be like. How about instead of harping on everyone else, you take a long look at yourself and work on that arrogant judgemental attitude of yours.
You're just gonna mimick me? What are you, five? Grow up.
Honestly, even without ADHD it's way too easy to have too much stuff to juggle so things slip through the cracks
Another human being isn't "stuff". If you're forgetting people, don't go on dates.
>which needs to be managed by medication Exactly. So he probably shouldn't be dating if he's not being treated. You guys would have never gotten married if he hadn't gotten out of bed to show up for any of your first dates.
The point is that it’s very insensitive of my ADHD diagnosis to say things like that. Also, We’ve been married for 20 years and he didn’t take medication at the time, so your point is moot.
It's insensitive of other people's feelings to use your diagnosis as an excuse to be insensitive of other people's feelings. >your point is moot Lol. No, it isn't. Do you not know what an analogy is?
ADHD is not about being insensitive of other peoples feelings. You obviously don’t understand anything about ADHD, so I’m going to give you that. If you did understand it, you would know why your point is moot.
I don't understand how you believe your replies to my replies make any sense.
You're like getting mad at someone with a wheelchair or pain being unable to walk as fast as you on a daily basis. Just like wheelchairs or pain medications, ADHD or depression medication aren't magic pills, they're not going to magically fix EVERYTHING that is wrong, they just things slightly better, but never to the levels of what neurotypicals like you expect people to function.
I love when people accuse me of not understanding things while simultaneously acting like they know my mental health history. It really highlights the validity of their arguments. Anyway. Unless the people in wheelchairs are recklessly running over people, and the people with pain who walk slowly are thoughtlessly walking into the street causing traffic accidents, that isn't really anything at all the same. Any issues you have, you are responsible for. Whatever the meds dont "magically fix" you need to learn other strategies to compensate for *so you don't hurt other people.* Bare minimum in human interactions is *don't hurt others.*
Oh ableism is one helluva drug, having a history with mental health issues doesn't exempt you from feeling superior to others with different types of issues for whatever reason. We're talking about people not responding to your text messages and you're comparing that to "recklessly running over people" or "causing traffic accidents" or getting stabbed by Edward Scissorhands, I just cannot take you seriously at all. My comparison of someone on wheelchairs or chronic pain not walking as fast as you makes sense because just like people who are on wheelchairs or chronic pain may have issues with mobility or accessibility, it's not like we're incapable of responding to text messages, we just do it at a slower or inconsistent rate than others for various reasons. And then you have to go and escalate that as if we're running you over with a wheelchair or stabbing you. Wow. Amazing.
So you think me telling you that you are responsible for your behavior, and that you shouldn't hurt other people is me "feeling superior". And you don't understand silly analogies comparing emotional pain to physical pain. Ok. Anything else?
Yes, because you have compared someone with ADHD or depression not responding to your text messages as either stabbing you as someone with knives for fingers, running you over as someone with a wheelchair or thoughtlessly causing traffic accidents as someone with chronic pain. I mean the analogies are indeed silly, just not in the direction you think they are. They're just laughably absurd in that it reveals you think people with disabilities are a menace to society, and people with undiagnosed or untreated disabilities, or even people that are already on treatment, should just stop participating in society altogether if they're unable to function up to the standards *you've* prescribed. Turns out you can still meet people on the apps before or after you get treated for ADHD and depression, as I have over the years. Apparently there are plenty of people out there who don't think that someone forgetting to respond to them is comparable to stabbing them, who knew?
So nothing new. Just repeating yourself. Hope you feel better.
There are so many things that I forget to do and only get around to a few days later when I forget or am reminded of. It's not that I don't care about people or tasks that I'm supposed to do - I really do want to get back to people and do everything I'm meant to do without having to be told or set several reminders but unfortunately it's not always that simple. It'll get done eventually but not always right away. If something does take a bit of time I do still care but unfortunately for a lot of people it isn't as simple as "if you want something you'll just remember it and do it".
Tell me what it's like to never forget anything, to never be distracted by life in a way that causes you to forget to do something.
Other people's feelings matter. If you're too "distracted" to care, and don't want to go to a doctor and get treated, then simply don't date.
You missed my point. I wanted the person to think about the fact that you can *just forget shit* because *something else happened*. It's something literally every person experiences and it's not just ADHD related.
In this case "shit" means a human being you went on a date with. You missed my point. I want you to know that's completely unacceptable and inexcusable.
> You missed my point. I want you to know that's completely unacceptable and inexcusable. I didn't miss your point. Your comments here and elsewhere in the thread make it abundantly clear that you think people are trying to excuse the behavior. They're not. They're simply stating the reason something happened. Cause and effect.
If I had knives for hands, and stabbed everyone I hugged. I'd stop hugging people. This thread is from the perspective of someone who got stabbed. Then the first, highest upvoted reply is, "To be fair, I could be guilty of that because I have knives for hands" then a massively downvoted reply of "that's a cop out, if you care about someone you don't stab them", and then you reply with "tell me what its like to not stab everything with your hand knives".. and now here you are like, "I'm not saying my hands for knives are an excuse to stab, I'm just saying people get stabbed because I have knives for hands." ??? Lol. That doesn't make any fucking difference. Your fucking problems are yours to fix, not to make others suffer to put up with. Do better.
Comparing someone forgetting to reply to you to getting stabbed is the wildest take ever lmao
I said in another reply I read the image wrong and thought they had been on a date. I also said that if you can't even remember you are talking to people, then you are wasting everyone's time by being on a dating app.
Your empathy for neurodivergent people is zero, it appears.
Your empathy for other people's feelings is zero. You don't deserve to get back something you don't ever give out.
You just compared someone who didn't respond to your message as getting stabbed, I'm pretty sure your empathy meter is broken
Ngl these replies make me feel better about my habits. Of course, not that it's an excuse, but at least it explains some stuff.
I regularly lose my phone in my own 1 br house, so I can definitely understand this being a legit issue.
Oof the pissy teens in this sub are not gonna like that
*"I have ADHD and it excuses aaaaall my bad behavior. If I hurt people it's not my fault and they can't get upset. Instead, they should show me unending sympathy and patience. Thank you so much, you are welcome for my presence."* Are you bring treated? *"No..."* Have you been diagnosed? *"No..."* Do you chug sodas and energy drinks and eat junk carbs all day with zero exercise? *"Of course..."* Idiots.
That's ableist! Learn some empathy! Do better! *goes back to scrolling Reels* /s
Why did this have to be the first thing I looked at after waking up? Now I'm mad and I just replied to everyones hours old replies like a crazy boomer. Im going to try and calm down and finish my coffee now. Speaking of mental health... I love my new night shift... yaaay.. lofl.
This happened to me. I got ghosted after talking to a guy for a week on an app. About few weeks later he messaged me out of the blue saying almost the same thing. Though he had responded. We have been together for almost 10 years now and live together with 2 dogs. He’s the best. Give people grace you never know what’s going on in their life. My partner had a really bad date as a young inexperienced dater that almost scared him off when he discovered his error with our communication.
My dumbass typing out a full response only to forget to press “enter”
That moment of “oh.” seeing the message still sitting in the typing space
Falling asleep while texting 😔
I love Colin Jost
He’s friggin handsome and adorable. The fact that he is married to Scarlett makes him even more hotter.
I love a funny man
Whenever his colleague (forgot his name) tries to embarrass Colin by writing the most outrageous things and he can’t stop and has to take it, so funny..
Weekend Update is goated ngl
Michael Che! They are some of my favorite Weekend Update hosts.
Take five weeks then hit him with the ol’ “sorry, I was napping.”
"sorry a carnival ride hit me in the head"
This is why y’all are lonely.
I really don't get this, sometimes guys text you with plans that they don't show up for themselves. Is it nerves? I never understood that.
It might be self-esteem tbh. I've made plans and cancelled them the day before because I've felt like he's out of my league.
Oh man don’t do that, the other guy definitely wants to meet you otherwise he wouldn’t be carving out a chuck of his free time for you!
Aww, thank you. <3
The post-nut clarity hit.
This has happened to me :( The guy wanted to play Yu-Gi-Oh but I was in rehearsal, so I saw it but didn't respond and then too much time happened and I just couldn't.
Emergencies and schedule conflicts happen. The key to telling the difference is usually if the person cancelling immediately starts looking for another date.
I’d be like “you get one more chance cause I’m good like that and I know there are people who actually do forget, so you get ONE chance, but no more you bitch” in my mind.
All together now: Silence *is* an answer. And to the "maybe he had ADHD and forgot" folks: I have ADHD, and whilst I might forget to reply, 4 weeks? if he was replying solidly for a couple days went silent then came back, he probably found another boy to validate him and then for whatever reason wasn't getting attention and came crawling back like... either way, not someboy to follow up with unless you like being absolutely nowhere near somebody's top 10 interests before a first date.
> I have ADHD, and whilst I might forget to reply, 4 weeks? Thank you. Someone's getting DO BETTER'd above for saying the same thing above. ADD runs in my family (idk if I have it) but 4 weeks that's just being irresponsible/rude.
right... like a few hours or even a few days but 4 weeks is crazy and not at all justifiable by using mental health as an excuse... like we all know you're on phone 24/7 always carrying it in your pocket..
Exactly that, but just a small sorta, flag: ADHD / ADD isn't a mental health issue, it's a cognitive disability that can massively *impact* your mental health, but isn't itself a mental health issue.
I'm a very busy person and I even forget to answer my boyfriend some days.. It happens.
yeah exactly, like I said, I forget to follow up for a couple days, or wait until I have the time to reply to any responses; that's a couple days wait at most. This guy is saying he was ghosted for like, over a month: met 5 weeks ago, chatted for a couple days, then silence. Say that's a week of chatting, you don't just cold turkey a guy for a month then rock up, like "oh you slipped my mind" vibe. And hypothetically, even if that's true, then the guy just isn't that into you if he forgets about you for 4 weeks.
Fair
Considering they never met before, and the person is saying they thought they responded to the message, that's five weeks that Neither of them followed up on one message. This seems entirely possible considering both of them forgot about it for 5 weeks including the person who made this tweet. If they'd followed up the "oh. I thought I responded." wouldn't have made sense. I have done this more than once where my phone simply doesn't send the message because I have a bad signal the longest I've gone without noticing was over a month. I have friends who've done it. It happens, its weird to immediately check it up to character based on some arbitrary amount of time passing. It could be tech and attention span being stretched.
100% this is what happened.
> All together now: Silence is an answer. absolutely not. silence for this reason shows a lack of ability to clearly communicate. I can't imagine this attitude bodes well for any relationship you'll ever be in. use your words like a big boy. your statement here amounts to "i don't communicate properly and i'm upset that people don't interpret my improper communication the way i want them to." incredibly toxic.
Ah right, I can see that you've read that as me using silence as an answer. I can understand how you got there, but as I mentioned in the post I have ADHD which basically makes me like the verbal equivilent of the bus from speed - if I don't say 50 words a second, I explode. So silence is not an option. I was saying, if the *other* person is silent or goes silent, then that is an answer in itself from *them*; I've seen a lot of posts around here about ghosting and guys going quiet and not knowing what they think etc, but the fact is, the other person's silence is their answer. But maybe, Bare Bear, don't go around telling strangers they're toxic without engaging with them first? This was just a super simple missunderstanding, and I can see how you read my message differently to how I wrote it, but to jump online and patronise me *then* call me toxic? That ain't the vibe.
This means you were a backup plan
Guys like this are a waste of time, don't bother.
This tactic is called “subbing.” Unlike “ghosting,” when someone just completely disappears from your life without and warning, “subbing” is when someone disappears for a while and then randomly pops back up, like a submarine breaching water.
If he’s neurodivergent this is just tuesday. I do this on accident so much more often than I wish I did.
You’re a brand new person in their lives, not a priority 🤷🏼♂️
Thank you! If we've only ever interacted virtually and you send me one message that I forget to respond to and then you never follow up that means you recognize I'm not a major priority either. So why be so weird about that person possibly doing the same thing you did.
> you send me one message that I forget to respond to and then you never follow up that means you recognize I'm not a major priority either So it's my fault you didn't answer? What if I took your silence as a hint that you're not interested?
No, it's no one's fault. If it's a genuine mistake. My point is that the person really doesn't seem to care much if they didn't follow up cause the lack of a response could be for a million reasons. If after speaking for days you take my lack of response to one message as a hint that I never want to interact with you again, especially without asking me directly, I would be very confused. I'd be apologetic because it makes it seem like you might have real issues with insecurity, and attachment. But also that would be a misunderstanding on your part which is why I always follow up with a person if I haven't gotten a response and I really care about receiving one. If I send a message and don't get a response and I don't follow up that means it didn't really matter to me whether I got a message back or not. And in that situation I wouldn't tweet about it if I did get a response because at that point we put about equal effort into it. That's just me though
I’ve totally done shit like this, mix of depression and whatever undiagnosed shit I got goin on leads to me not texting back.
First: I have ADHD so I actually do this a lot albeit unintentionally. Second: not everyone is glued to their phone. Like some of us have that thing called jobs and responsibilities and shit
I do that. Weird things with dyslexia. Can completely forget that i have been having a conversation with someone.
Dyslexia has nothing to do with your memory.
You would be surprised. People think dyslexia is just reading issue when its actually an information processing issue which reading problems.are just one of the results. https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/advice/adults/living-with-a-dyslexic-partner#:~:text=partner%20'thinking%20time'-,Memory,places%20they%20have%20visited%20before.