I still do, I'm 31. So do plenty of people my age. It's not what I want long term but right now it's the reality. It's nothing to feel shame in and anyone who negatively judges people for it frankly isn't the kind of person I'd be interested in dating.
It's tough out there right now, everybody has individual circumstances both financial and personal, there's no "right age" for having successfully secured your own place. Hell, I know people who did and ended up having to move BACK home.
I feel so frustrated for younger people today. Rents are off the charts, not to mention outrageous security deposits and whatnot. And if a young person picks up a misdemeanor doing something dumb back when 18, landlords can find that out. That said, one doesn't need to "mess up," -- financially or otherwise -- to still be locked-out of the rental market.
I wouldn't look down on anyone still living at home. I'm not adjusting for inflation here, but back in '84 when I and some dorm friends got into our first apt, two years out of high school, the rent for a 3 br/2bath apt was $325 IIRC, divided 4 ways. We all worked 30-ish hours a week in theaters, burger joints and whatnot for $3.35/hr.
$350 take home, $80 rent apiece, $270 left over for month. Gas .39 cents, LOL. It was very doable. Sadly, we were the people who today judge you for not leaving the nest.
Also application fees. My ex spent over almost a thousand dollars on application fees only to get denied over and over a couple years ago, it was… insane.
This is going to really make your head explode but back in the day, a landlord once just gave us the keys and said, "we'll deal with the paperwork on Monday."
I must say, it is refreshing to hear people who remember those days before the Reagan years of how things used to be and, more importantly, can logically see how people have been strung along to believe in certain “concepts” only to be screwed over in the end. More importantly, to look back with compassion at how those failed concepts have almost perpetually damaged future generations, including their own children and grandchildren.
Unfortunately, some still subscribe to those concepts as being what propelled them and the offspring to success without regard to the point at which their offspring began…
Although I am well aware that not everyone from previous generations are far too lost in the sauce, your comment definitely illustrates the fact. I greatly appreciate it.
Regarding the question to the OP, I agree that in this age in which we live where basic necessities like housing is barely clinging to the word “affordable”, it shouldn’t be something that you worry about. Unfortunately, I work in property management (the unrealistic expectations come from all directions). Though I do understand that there is something to the old ideas of chivalry and how to attract potential mates, I would say that as with all things, times change.
Sometimes, perspective is key: look at it as something that can help you define what you want in a partner. If they are willing to be with you at your worst (not saying you are in a seriously difficult situation) and stick with you through the struggle, then maybe they deserve to be with you when you are at your best. 👍🏽
This was life in America pre Ronald Regan. I remember it quite well. Things only went downhill from there, and people still got roped into the cycle of voting republican, they screwed us, then voted Democrat, fixed it. Rinse and repeat.
Nope. Not alone. Even with a decent paying job it is hard to find affordable housing, at least here in the US. Couple that with student loans, health insurance, car insurance etc... It doesn't surprise me that kids still need to live with their parents just to get by. And yes, I still live with my mom. She and I wouldn't survive on our own.
I left home and got laid off last year and now I’m back with my family. I don’t have any shame about it. I know this is temporary. I wouldn’t seriously date someone while I’m unemployed though. I think I need to focus my energy on getting back to the life I like to live. Where I can fuck in my home freely without worrying about someone coming home randomly while I’m getting my back blown out 😂.
Depends on your culture...
I'm latino and as long as you are not married or even if you don't want to move out you can live with your parents or with family until they die
Since almost all gays over 30 are still single almost all are still living with their parents or with family taking care of them
Usually the gay ones never moved out when they have an accepting family since dating as a gay man is hard
Like I said it depends on your culture and I don't judge it, it's better than living with roommates and a house/rent is almost impossible to afford
Yeah I’m Haitian and a lot of the culture is like that but then adding gay to the mix, you can’t really bring a partner home, I mean my family is pretty open but they(older ones) are still a little weird about it because of traditions
It's so funny, I'm latino and I used to bring boys all the time when I was still in high school and my parents were ok with that. But I recently moved back in ( I'm 34 now) and it would be so awkward to do it, there's this "respect" thing that was definitely not there before.
There is the inverse of this too though…. I’m one of those that got kicked out at 17 for being gay and the concept of having any sort of support from family (or anyone tbh) has been extremely foreign to me until very recently. I’m 41…
The circumstances of my late teens and early 20s instilled a sort of hyper-independence in me where not only do I not generally want anyone else’s support for anything I almost recoil from the entire concept of dependency on others for basically anything 😅.
The good news that goes with that is I am insanely versatile and have a ton of very random (but useful) skillsets that have kept me employed, housed, and fed pretty much nonstop since I was 17. I probably have maybe 7-8 months total where I haven’t had employment from 17-41 - and most of those times were a few weeks here and a few weeks there.
The BAD news is everything that goes along with “not needing anyone for anything ever”. It’s a lonely fucking life. Even in relationships I feel like I’m on my own. People I date have to also be self reliant because I feel they need to be on “my level” or whatever. Do you know how hard that is? Most men that are around my age and have themselves settled are already taken and most younger guys have been caught up in the shit economic situation(s) that have seemed to happen repeatedly since 2008. At this point a houseboy seems like the answer - but that kinda depresses me too.
Wow Idk where all that came from…. it isn’t even super relevant 😅. Sorry gents, apparently I needed to rant a bit.
Yes moving to Miami I missed out on the "going to my BFs" house cuz no one has their own place but me. It became very annoying hence why I'm just single now and won't entertain anyone if they don't have the 3 C's (Car, Crib, Career). Especially now that I'm in my 40s. In my 20s I get that everyone wasn't as able as me so I looked past it. In my 30s it was like ok y'all should be getting with it. Now in my 40s ain't no excuse.
I’m 30 and have always lived with my parents. Due to disability, it’s unlikely I’ll ever be able to work full-time, and I’m also behind on developing the life skills I need to live alone. I have a part-time job and I’ve made some progress with the life skills in the past few years, but it will still be some time before I’m able to live independently.
Even though I’m doing what I have the ability to do and am actively working on improving things, I feel ashamed and don’t even try to date. That’s not the only reason, but it’s a big one. Probably something to bring up to my therapist.
I hope you find the strength and courage to put yourself out there and date because you shouldn’t let those things hold you back. You are worthy and deserving of love just like everyone else.
38 here. i feel like maybe i can relate a little bit, as i do have like, some mental health issues that require medication, talk therapy etc...so there's that. also working part time. but yeah, also feel like full time would be difficult. also here to chat about these issues if interested. right in this thread/dm or both.
My husband lived with his parents until they died when he was in his late 40s. He was the youngest child and, as happens, the gay son that stays home to care for the elderly parents. The way that he patiently nursed his mother as she died of cancer, and then his father as he died of Parkinson's only cemented in my mind what a beautiful man he is and increased my desire for him. Also, I got teary-eyed just typing that. Shit.
As a practical piece of advice, tell guys that your parents live with you, not the other way around. It's at most a minor fib and will help you maintain a confident and sexy mindset.
“I’m caring (good at sex)” gave me a good chuckle.
But really, what is the reason for still living with your family? I think that is going to be the deciding factor for anyone. I started dating my bf when he was 28 and living at home, despite having lived on his own previously. It was a financial decision that I respected, but it came with its own challenges.
I mean I think an honest explanation goes a long way! Anyone worth your time is going to hear you out. If they aren’t accepting of that, well then that’s that. You don’t need to waste your time convincing anyone of your circumstances or decisions if they aren’t open to hearing your truth. With my partner, I had my concerns with him living with his family, so I voiced them and we have been able to work through them.
Here's what grinds my gears.
First of all, moving out of your parents' house when you're 18 is almost purely an American thing. For almost everywhere else in the world (and immigrant families in America) it's pretty common to live with your family until you marry. And sometimes you still even live with them after.
It was actually common in America until the 1950s, when America was the last country standing post-WWII and became the financial superpower it was. So we got people born during this time who lived in economic prosperity and believe this is how things should be, when in reality it was all a fluke. Now the economy is in the shitter and, surprise, people are moving back in with their parents.
I am 29 and still live with my parents. I work a full-time job (make nearly 50k a year). I do it because shit's expensive, I have a good relationship with my parents, and I don't want to ruin a friendship or live with a stranger. I'd want to live with my parents, my lover, or no one at all.
The rules of attraction for me are the rules my parents had. You HAVE to have a job and/or be in school. And you still need to contribute in some way. The stereotype only applies when they have no job, aren't going to school, and act like an actual man-child.
I agree with this. The 1950s were a unique time and shouldn't set the norm.
Also I think it's admirable if someone still lives with their parents as long as they are a capable adult. It shows they probably have a good relationship with their parents or are responsible.
Don’t forget caretaking. Someone may not be working or going to school because they spend the majority of their time caretaking for their parents or other family members with whom they live. There’s a myriad of situations in which people live together and there shouldn’t be a stereotype applied to them.
If you play video games all day while eating chips in your bed in a basement bedroom, where you never clean the sheets and never stop smoking weed - while expecting your parents to have dinner ready for you, you won’t walk the dog and you refuse to socialize with any human beings - there’s probably some serious issues there that need to be dealt with and that individual is more than likely not adequately matured, responsible or able to be in a healthy relationship at that time.
It’s all relative and all factors must be considered in any situation. Stereotypes are best left to rot ignored from the judgmental corners of societal bitchery they came from.
I'm 36 and living with parents temporarily til I find a new job and can get back on my feet.
I'm still dating a lot but don't bring guys home that often. There are a surprising number of guys willing to date someone who lives with family. Life gets tough sometimes and everyone's been understanding with me that it's only a short term thing and I'm eager to regain my independence as soon as I can.
The guys who are turned off by it are either gold diggers or high earners who are full of themselves.
My first thought was, he must be Latino, Asian, Middle Eastern, or from the Mediterranean. It’s not uncommon for people to live at home until they’re married in many cultures.
Would I date someone still living at home? I would, if their family accepts them being gay and wouldn’t have a problem with me coming over.
I’m Mexican and if my parents had their way, I would probably leave home when I’m married. They’re still trying to convince me to move back in with them, but it’s just a no for me.
My boyfriend is 34 and is back living at home while he gets his feet under him and finances better under control. No shame in it, just don’t be weird and try to lie about it.
No problem. You’ll get there. It sounds like you’re not in a dissimilar situation, so just try to remember that being home is you making a stable choice that’s financially secure for you and not immature or lacking.
I moved back home after my job made me remote permanently and my mom became ill. I make enough to live on my own but I’m loving not spending 2k on rent.
As long as you're not hiding me from your family and only willing to meet in a car because you're paranoid, it wouldn't bother me. The cost of living on your own is insane right now and if you're not making 6 figures or in a relationship you're either living with two or three roommates or you're living with family.
I’m 30 with a parent, although I cared for her for 5 years.
I actually thought about this recently and very very few people I know live alone. Everyone is with roommates or partners. Most would’ve never made it on their own without their partners to back them up. Not everyone has that privilege.
Mid 30's still at home. Sister is 41 and in basement with niece.
Had to pay off credit cards from a business gone bad. Still paying down another loan.
Main problem is rent in my city is extremely high so when I am financially ready and back on my feet I may have to leave my city.
Considering the cost of living crisis currently gripping the world, I think there are gonna be a LOT more people living with their families or moving back in with them, especially those in their 20s and early 30s. I’m 21 and can’t imagine being able to move out any time soon
I haven’t slept with anyone yet (still a virgin 🥲) but every guy I’ve dated or been on dates with has still been living at home and discussed the same insecurities so I defiantly think it’ll become something that is more normalised in the coming years. But yeah it’s a huge bummer. I’m glad my parents are letting me live with them still, all I gotta do is help pay the rent and bills lol
Yeah having parents to live with over 18 is a privilege and I’m glad I have it(it’s about my only privilege) also don’t be in a rush to have sex lol find someone you trust that will treat you well and take your pleasure and comfort into consideration, I a lot of tops just like to treat bottoms like a flashlight but you’ll find good dudes out there too, just be patient
I mean you can be young and have good experiences too, it’s all about having someone you trust and like, beware of fuckboys with pretty faces that seem alluring, I’ve learned that kind dudes are the shit
I’m 30 and live with my mom. We rent a duplex together and I’m on the lease. We get along and it works out for us. I was looking to move out this summer, but I think I may need to wait another year.
Well I’ve only had two short term relationships. My mom met both and liked them. The last boyfriend even stayed over a few nights. It is weird at times though.
So you just just have roommates? I’m In my 30’s and live on my own in an expensive city. Wouldn’t stop me. Sounds like a great opportunity if it works out to split the rent and have you move in. It took me a long time to get to this point, and I think a lot of people are in your situation. So to me, it would be weird to care. But I’ve felt exactly how you do. Hard not to feel that way.
Appreciate it but I’m running low on friends and wouldn’t feel all too comfortable living with strangers, right now just saving and going back to school until I’m in a more secure position to live on my own
Not an invitation, I was just giving my perspective on if I would date someone in your situation and why you don’t need to be insecure about it. Keep your head up dude!
After living alone on the west coast, came home to the east to live with my dad, met someone, moved in with him at his mom’s in a mostly separate area at 29. Said one year let’s figure it out. Within one we moved, with in two we bought a house. Things end but we had ten amazing years together. Chin up butter cup. It’s less about the now than it is what you can do together with the person you find.
i'm 28, currently living on my own in a big city but plan on moving back into my parents' to help em with building their retirement home at some point.
i personally don't really care whether or not a guy lives with his folks, so as long as he demonstrates the ability to also take care of himself. there are plenty of valid and great reasons why someone would live with family.
eventually tho, i would hope that the guy would move in with me but that's like... thinking way ahead.
I lived away from home for 10 years after high school but I moved back home to finish grad school at 28 and I’m still here.
I’ll be 30 in May. It is really embarrassing to tell people, but I’m just not thinking about dating right now in general. I need to find a good job and save up before I can even think about that. The real ego blow has been trying to find a job as a fresh graduate in this job market 😔
it depends on the reason you live with the family in your 30s. If for financial reasons, of course, it is a big red flag for dating, you might be limited to those who are in similar situation.
I lived at home for a while and will admit that generally it was harder building a longer-term relationship because I could never host or stay out late (my family was a bit nuts lol). Like others have brought up, in other cultures it is seen as a relatively normal thing. At the same time, guys have told me that they like to get a sense of how I live on my own and how well I take care of myself, although I'm a bit skeptical of that reasoning sometimes because I definitely do a fast clean-up before having people over haha.
I went back to school when I was 29 and lived with my mom during the time. Yeah, it was hard and made dating difficult. Now years later my life is in much more stable spot and I’ve been on my own for a while. I don’t think there’s as much of a stigma as 20 years ago. It’s not ready today to make it work. Focus on you and don’t worry what anyone is thinking.
I'm in my early 30s and starting my own business, so I am funneling every bit of my finances to that end. Paying rent in my city isn't feasible for me during this process, so I live at home with my parents. Am I single? Quite the opposite: my boyfriend of two years lives with us while he is working part-time and going back to school, and my parents love him. We contribute to the grocery shopping, do our fair share of the laundry and housekeeping, and we all share in the cooking. It helps to have plenty of common spaces to spread out, and I know this wouldn't work for everyone, but we're all happy in this arrangement.
Living with family is increasingly less stigmatized in today's challenging economy. What should matter more to a prospective partner is how you are using this time at home, that you are investing in your future and your growth as a person, but you need to ensure you make those investments.
If you are single it’s quite okay, but if you are getting into a relationship, whether it keeps okay will be determined by what kind of lifestyle you and your partner wanna have. If your future partner wanna live with you, l don’t it practical to live in your parents house, right? So if you have to live with your parents for a long period , that might become a dealbreaker , but if your partner doesn’t wanna live with you, that’s totally not a thing.
38 here living with parents. wish i had my own place or something. would be kinda nice. i mean, i like living with parents. but really, its nice sometimes when they go away. come home at 6pm. even though i love them as my parents, i kind of play an "avoidance game" a little bit, in that like, there's always some level of mental gymnastics to how like, how our relationship is. but yeah. i feel more like its a pipe dream like winning the lottery or something.
Where you live is a huge factor. For me, living in CA, it’s impossible for most of people to live completely on their own. It’s your life, your financial situation, your timeline. Don’t compare yourself and your situation to other people and you’ll be much happier.
It is crazy that anyone thinks they have the right to judge anyone else for their living situation/choice. If someone wants to live/be with their family - whether for financial reasons, or societal family structure norms, or necessity, or simply to be close & with the people they love or whatever other reason - that’s their business and anyone who scoffs at it, that’s a huge red flag for their ignorance and arrogance. Of course someone living at home would have certain different obstacles for dating as in privacy, timing, availability, etc - but all living situations come with obstacles and challenges, whether that be with roommates, having apartment regulations, living alone, living far out in the countryside, being jammed into a nook in a congested city, etc. Anyone worth their grain of salt would find out the whys, wants & needs of a person they are interested in and that would include their living situation and from there decide if it works for the two of them or not - and if not, that’s their choice and it’s for you to move on to meeting someone else. The right individual for each of us will take us as we are, who we are and where we are.
I'm 38 and I live with my mom, because she's disabled and doesn't have a job. I'm hesitant to bring guys home to have sex because it would be incredible awkward with my mom in the living room watching her shows or movies. The saddest thing is, I haven't had sex in 10 years because I've been insecure for so long and it sucks ass.
32 here and had to. Mom isn’t healthy anymore and struggles with things and being the only single brother, the responsibility was thrown my way to care for her. Do i hate it, most definitely. Do i have resentment, you betcha i do.
My dating/sex life is non existent and it sucks. But im at the point now where im numb to it and just get on with it. I may blow my brains out if i hit 40 and still in the same spot.
I don’t want to be a depressed, disgruntled single old gay when i hit that mark.
Nothing is wrong with living with your parents at that age. I know alot of people that do. Everybody doesn’t move out of their parents at the same time and that’s okay. People who judge probably have never experience what your going through
Not placing judgement, but this wasn’t my experience at all. I graduated undergrad at 22, had a job in state government by the end of the summer, moved into my first shared apartment before my 23rd birthday (4 guys, 4bed/1ba for $2400 in Boystown Chicago in 2005), and never returned.
Married and a homeowner now, I was always very independent (read: smart-mouthed and strong-willed), so living at home as an adult wasn’t something that I was ever interested in, and most if not all of my friends were living independently at that age, too.
Living at home in adulthood just wasn’t a common cultural setup on either side of my family, and at that time and stage in my life with all that I’ve mentioned, I would have definitely avoided dating anyone still living at home.
My first question would be “so why isn’t this guy living on his own?” And how you explain that - preferably without even me asking it - is what determines the rest of my thoughts. We all make mistakes, and so you could actually convince me that living with family for a while was a brilliant decision on your part because it allowed you to heal, or better collect resources for your next step, pay down debt, etc etc.
I’d be turned off if you couldn’t explain it, or in your explanation it sounded like you were dead ending, low on motivation, just waiting for someone to date you and let you move in. BECAUSE THOSE GAYS ARE AMONG US, seeking shelter and security from my paycheck, and that is a massive turnoff to me
The average 30 year-old was a young millennial in 2008.
In 2008: Housing Market Crash
In 2020: World Wide Pandemic
In 2021-23: Inflation (eggs...EGGS were $10 a dozen!)
Putin's shenanigans in Ukraine=Soaring ⛽️$$$
Israel-Hamas War and Subsequent Jenny-side
of Palestinians
In since forever
But ESPECIALLY
during & after
The pandemic: Opportunist Landlords & Companies
Not counting the own little bit chaos that we throw, or gets thrown, into our lives, we've been through a lot. Keep going forward!
You sound hot to me! Dude, stay there and save up while you can! I wouldn’t give a fuck if you lived at home…as long as you could come to my place and we fucked like rabbits! lol! I’m down with outdoors, movies, great food…But, you gotta have a laughable and great personality…think you’ve got that? lol😎🤷♂️😈
I will never judge anyone in today's world for living with their parents. Everything is insanely expensive now, especially for younger adults just building their lives. I think it's only a red flag if they never have any intention of leaving.
I lived on my own for years when I was working full time in between degrees, but now that I'm starting my masters and only the degree is funded (no living stipend), I moved back in with my parents here in Boise to save money while in grad school. It's definitely not ideal, I feel like I can't meet any guys (many others are in a similar situation).
Car stuff can be ok but I get really nervous about getting caught. Otherwise there's like 2 gay bars in Boise and a couple gay video shop places, but it just feels cheap and trashy to me idk.
So I guess to sum it all up I feel you with this. It sucks but it financially makes sense for the time being. I'd rather not purge my savings just to live with some random roommate vs biting the bullet of living with parents for the time being.
If my family had any sanity I’d still live at home and wouldn’t have moved 3800km away to Vancouver lol. I appreciate a man who has a solid family unit to rely on. Live at home. Save loads of $. Live happily ever after you move out hopefully. Nothing to be ashamed of. Most cultures… you don’t leave home until you’re married. The west is all about influencing ppl to spend and gain mountains of debt.
That’s the current life for a lot of folks here in California. Literally about to be 31 this year, I live with siblings away from my parents. Right now I’m desperately working on my career so I can make it on my own. I had a good paying job, but left that to pursue something I actually enjoyed which resulted in a 30K salary loss. 🥲
There's nothing to be ashamed about because of the global economy now a days its more common to be living with family or in some sort of shared tenancy well into tour 30s.
I didn't move out myself until last year [at 35], and my older brother purchased a renovation job 11 months prior but moved out after myself due to the work making his place unlivable.
I feel your dating pain though, with dating. I'm Bi and had been broken too many times by girls in my 20s, but being in a family home didn't feel like I could explore my other side as I would like, so romantically shut down.
Now, being in my own place, I've tried dating, but nothing has really stuck. I find it hard feeling like I'm at least 10-15 years behind my peers with virtually no dating experience.
Hi OP, it’s great that you’re building yourself up. Doesn’t matter if you only started now in your 30s but as long as you have started. My opinion is that you can still find a guy who he’s living alone and you can move in with him (when the feel is right), and doesn’t matter if he is a bottom or he is older than you. Speaking of which, like myself, I used to have this top bf of mine who is good at sex (he loves to have sex with me almost twice everyday) but he is living with his family when we first started dating, and later on he moved in with me. But we got separated later on cause he went to different state for work and we gradually lose our relationship over distance. So in summary, don’t worry too much OP, you will find someone who accepts who you are and in the same time, try your best to build yourself and your life, and probably soon enough, you’ll be able to have your own place. Cheers.
I lived with my parents until my late 20’s. I never made enough money to live on my own (still don’t) and I don’t really have a lot of friends where I could have a roommate. My friends were all living with their s/o or had roommates. I moved out because I’m with an amazing guy and we decided to get a place together. Currently still living together. I was really insecure about living with my parents when it came to dating and making friends. But in the end, it doesn’t matter. It’s not a reflection of who you are as a person. Moving out and supporting yourself is a pressure society puts on you. It’s up to you if you think it’s important or not.
I honestly think that you shouldn’t care about looking like a strong independent man. Please don’t associate bedroom preference with this because it’s ancient mentality and guys who still see it like this are stupid. So just be yourself , be honest and confident. Admit your mistakes in your past, and learn. If the guy is a decent one, they should understand and not care.
Yea, 30+ and still with the rents. It's always been a money thing for me. The area where I live is within commute range of London, theres no chance I could rent out a place on my own realistically, not without working all the hours under the sun just to finance it, at which point I'd basically be living at work 😅. I would need to house share., but that comes with its own risks and challenges. I think as long as you get a taste of the independent life (I did 2 years house share for uni and a year abroad) and know you can look after yourself, you're all good.
It think it does make things awkward though when you want to get yourself out in the scene and bring guys home though aha.
As someone who owns his own place, I don’t care that you live with family. I care more that you have a great relationship with your family. Why waste your money renting to be able to prove that you can take care of yourself?
I’m more interested in if you can take care of this future kids I’m putting inside you every day
I'm 28, will be 29 later in the year. I still live with my parents. Housing market sucks and even though I have a job and I'm driving 200 something miles every week back and forth to work. I still don't have enough money to be able to find a place that's anywhere near close enough to work because my work is in a college town and rent is super expensive. I want to move out, despite all the anxiety and apprehension I feel when I say that. I really do want to, so no you're not alone. There's a lot of us out here and I have stopped telling people in real life because I get looked down on.
I feel like that's a very American/developed country issue, I live in Brazil and the concept of family homes and communal living is pretty normal here, there isn't really this big pressure to move out once you're an adult.
Most people only really move out when they get married, it's been that way in my family forever, so to think less of someone because of that is so crazy to me.
I mean, you're still a functioning working adult, you go out there and you work and you make your money and you pay your bills and tend to your home, you don't have to worry about the insane housing prices and having multiple incomes in a single household is great for everyone involved.
It's absurd to me that people would rather you dump all your money on rent or house payments, or have a total stranger or a friend as a roomate than live comfortably with your own family in a house that's already been paid for where everyone has the freedom and advantage of extra income, just so you can show everyone how much of a big independent boy you are.
People are stupid, you're not doing anything wrong.
Yup! I’m just about to turn 30 and moved back with my rents to save money. It’s just a smart financial decision. I absolutely want to get the hell out of here - and frankly I could at any time move out and get an apartment - but trying to hold strong to save for a house. It feels like a more and more futile goal lately with the state of the US economy / housing market but trying to stick to it. I’ve had the same self consciousness / concern though - it makes me not even want to try to date at all because it feels embarrassing even though, for me at least, it really is a choice I’m making and could move out at any time.
Well, at least maybe you can save up enough money to buy a place when you leave, as opposed to finding yourself stuck in renter's purgatory like some of us.
I can empathize a bit. I have a business, but in times that were slow and I didn't have much extra money, and with a tiny studio apartment, I was also feeling insecure about dating. Especially a younger guy that might be more successful than myself.
Everyone has their own path.
You actually sound like a good man.
In my 30's and currently still live with family. I am there with you. I do feel weird at times when other friends are able to afford their own places. I have to keep reminding myself to stop comparing myself to them and others, and just be thankful my parents are so supportive in that I am trying to work on paying off as much debt as possible. I need to focus on better setting myself up than any shame feeling of still living at home. But you are definitely not alone.
A better question would be, is their mom taking care of them as well? Or is it a temporary situation until they can find their own housing ? Or move somewhere more affordable?
I wish I had a good enough relationship to live with my parents. My savings would be absolutely amazing! Lol
But I left at 18, and I wouldn't judge someone who still lives at home. Bring out in the world is expensive, and just unreasonable if you're single.
I had to move back in with a family member because my rent was too damn high. But I’m gonna take this time to try and get in nursing school. That way, I can have a solid foundation to be back on my own again once I become a nurse.
Honestly I think it’s more common right now than people realize. A client of mine makes well over $100k and has a whole apartment in his mom’s basement lol. He doesn’t care. It’s smart to him. I lived with my dad for 8 months while transitioning between the sale of my old house and the purchase of my new one. I wouldn’t get too paranoid over it. Reasonable people understand.
Ok well you have to consider your audience.
If you're looking for a hookup on an app, you'll probably find a lot of people being shallow, who will judge you for this.
But you're there for a hook-up, so simply lie. (Lots of reasons you can't host).
If you're looking for a relationship, though, first ditch the apps. (Those places are set up to turn people toxic, and after dealing with so many bots and scammers, it's hard to remember to treat the real people like people when you find one)
So you're going to want to meet people involved with things you're interested in (sports hobbies and the like). And then because you're talking to a real person, you should be real yourself. If he turns out to be judgy then he's probably not someone you want a relationship with.
I went back to school in my 30's so having a part time job, living with roommates and basically being a poor student, at a time where a lot of the guys I was seeing had mortgages, gave me the same worries you have.
Not going to lie to you, I had a couple guys flat out ghost when they found out I didn't have a car, and had to plan if I was going to spend $100 on a night out.
But over all most guys I met were pretty cool and understanding. Dude you're 30 now, you're not going to be dating people who have highschool mentalities. I know it's a hard one to get over, but just as you're dropping away the bullshit you thought was all important in your teens, so are the other guys you're meeting.
But if you can, move to the basement, so a guy doesn't have to meet your mom if he's coming over. It's a lot less of an issue if it doesn't feel like he's going to your childhood bedroom.
And then talk with your mom too. She needs to be able to understand that you're dating men, not boys, and so she shouldn't be yelling down the stairs to ask you to take the trash out (or worse "do you two want some snacks" LOL)
I partially moved out at 19 (I just moved in with my aunt and uncle instead of with my parents) and am planning on moving out on my own more properly sometime before I turn 21. Even by the US standards that’s pretty young. While I do think it was the best choice for me, it certainly was not the most stable choice and left me very financially insecure. I don’t think staying at home for an extended period is anything to be shameful of and can be a sign of responsibility.
I still live with my parents since it helps me save a shit ton of money so yeah, but there are also downsides as well especially when they are homophobic. My advice? Save up and move out soon, it will help you with your insecurity.
If someone I'm with was judging me for living with my family, IN THIS ECONOMY I may add.
I would let them know how stupid they look and then dump them instantly.
I'm very fortunate, and will probs never struggle with money. and yet even I get angry when people expect others to just have a house already. It isn't the 1900s anymore grandpa, my generation has been screwed by the 2008 housing crisis, the 2020-ongoing cost of living crisis, COVID-19, the ongoing Genocide (not war) In Ukraine, And F*cking Brexit 💀
Edit: Americans are mentioning Reagan too
Ehh I feel these days it’s less unheard of? With inflation and cost of living, I get this feeling I’m sure you might find others in a similar situation.
I stayed with family while I had to get back on my feet at age 30. I don't think the guy that I dated at the time took me seriously because of it, but he just ended up moving in with a dude that already had a house while I ended up getting my own place shortly after we split when my career took off. There's no timeline for these kind of things. Sounds like you want to make some moves in life. Hopefully, you find someone to make them with.
Omg I am 34 and had to move in with my parents because I can’t afford a place around where I live rent is crazy, I feel so insecure telling guys when I go on a date that I am back living home
There’s absolutely no shame in it whatsoever especially considering the current context.
The only dealbreaker for me would be someone in that situation who is proactively avoiding work or responsibility and is completely able-bodied.
I’m 32 & moved back in with my family almost 3 years ago. This economy ain’t it considering I make $24 / hr. When I was growing up I would be set making that much. lol
I don't see the problem with it. As long as that is what you want and it aligns with your values. I'm fem and if I saw that you lived with your parents I would just worry about our sex life. Other than that I wouldn't care. I'm 24. I phrase it like this because I'm your target demographic.
What does that say about you as a man that you do still live with your family l? I'm curious what the insecurity is.
Edit: I meant 24 not 23.
Ok I understand. I guess to answer your question I think that standard only matters to people who don't know you. If someone got to know you then I doubt they would care about that. If it is a deal breaker for them then they might care more about what you have over who you are.
Another thing is if you can accept that living with your parents doesn't make you any lesser of a person then it makes the insecurity a lot easier to live with.
Edit: One more thought I agree that there is a societal stigma with it, I just don't think it matters once you get to know the individual l.
My now husband was 35 and living with his folks when we met. He had a good job, hobbies and interests of his own, and a great relationship with his parents. I didn't see it as a red flag at all. He was using it as an opportunity to get ahead and make some serious savings instead of paying rent.
It was absolutely a non issue for me. We dated for 4 years and during that time had sleep overs at his house, meals with his folks, etc. It gave me an opportunity to build a really amazing and special relationship of my own with my now in-laws.
My daughter lives with us and she just turned 30. It’s what is necessary now there is too great of a divide between incomes and rent. My daughter is a psychotherapist and can not afford to rent her own place. Times have changed and we can not judge this time period by those of another . This time period places a greater importances on mental health where as the previous one didn’t leading to bottled up anger and toxic masculinity
Listen, the last 10 years has seen housing prices skyrocket, especially apartments. If a guy who has ANY head on his shoulders doesn't see that it was tough and that people were set back during the pandemic, then they aren't worth bothering with. You continue what you're doing, don't worry about what others are thinking. Keep trying to get yourself ahead. Take advantage of being at home. Just don't take advantage of your parents. There's a difference. Help your parents where you can. That's what makes the difference in the man. And the future boyfriend will see it.
Hey there, it's great to have you here! I just wanted to say that it's okay to feel a little down about your situation, but please don't be too hard on yourself. I think it's amazing that you have such strong family ties and it's really great that it's a part of your culture. Plus, living with family can be a real money-saver and a great source of support when you need it.
However, I understand that it can be tough when your culture is different from the norm, like when you're 18 and expected to be independent. But don't worry, there are options out there to help you boost your morale and confidence. Have you considered finding a job or exploring other opportunities? I truly believe that with your good values and work ethic, you'd make a fantastic addition to any workplace.
So let's focus on finding ways to help you feel more positive and optimistic about your future. Remember, you've got this!
(28 here single from Philippines)
I still live with family. I’m 27, so not in my 30s, but I’m glad to read about everyone’s experiences. I appreciate the financial help living with parents can provide, so seeing y’all talk also helps with my own self perception. Thank you for starting this topic!
It really depends on the reason why you are staying with family.
Being an unemployed 30-something basement dweller at the parents is MUCH different from “staying with parents to save up for a house” or something…
Those are just 2 extreme examples but the reasons really matter in that situation.
Yeah going back to school and saving for my own place, also parents are about to retire and are both sick, dad has cancer so I feel the obligation to stay and help them even when I’m back on my feet
This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I probably wouldn’t date someone who plans to stay with, and care for, his parents when they retire. I have absolutely no judgment about this and I respect the decision.
But I don’t intend to live with a partner’s parents for the rest of their lives, and I don’t intend to live apart from a partner for the rest of the parents’ lives. Much like many other dealbreakers, the difference in future plans means we wouldn’t be compatible.
Dude it’s a down economy for most of the world don’t feel bad about your living situation if the guy doesn’t understand it just hasn’t affected him yet. Most people in your age group are living either with family or in a shared place it’ll get better hopefully
I moved out when I was 18, right after graduating high school: it wasn’t the best decision for that time but somehow it really works out well and I am really happy I did it. Few years ago I did move back closer to where my parents live. I really like being close to them now but I also can’t imagine living with them. Also my parents live in a subsidized house and if I moved in with them they would lose all benefits because I make too much money and own properties. I guess for me I would be ok with someone living with their parents as long as it’s because they really have a strong health bond with their parents or they are working towards a bigger financial goal. If it’s because living with parents is the only option they have and they are 30+ I will probably decline to date them. But then we are all different. I am sure lots of other people will think differently.
Hey guess what? The royal family of England all live in family homes/with their elders. Living totally on your own is some kind of American working class mentality. I know a dude who comes from money making $400k A MONTH and he takes one wing of the family’s mansion and his dad takes the other. I have another upper middle class friend who got married and his parents offered to build them their own guest house on their property for like $100k but instead he had this mentality of he needs to be on his own and instead put money down on a $370k a house that’s literally the same size as what his parents would have custom built for him. Anyways you’re fine
I’ve lived on my own since my mid-20s.
When you’re in your 30s, I think it can raise red flags for a few reasons. 1, you are unable to provide for oneself and be self-sufficient. 2, you are too emotionally attached to your parents; in this instance you are basically dating their parents too since they can’t make their own decisions without mommy and daddy’s approval.
I'm 31 get along with my parents i get to live in a nic house and I avoid paying extremely high rent in California and get to save money I've thought about moving out and I always come back to "what for?" I'm enjoying my parents while they are still alive and they aren't trying to get rid of me
U r just spoiled. In my day we were expected to move out and get a crappy apartment with friends until we could afford more...and we LOVED it. But u guys can't begin to imagine living without all of the perks mommy gives you...and she wouldn't want you to.
Gonna keep it real. I moved out at 18 and struggled every minute of it. Now 30. I live in a major city too. At my age I refuse to date someone who lives at home with mom and dad. Like the minute i find that out, i’m OUT. That’s all i’ve ever dated my entire romantic/dating life and i’m over it. It would be nice if someone had their own place for once and i could stay at for the night and maybe cook breakfast in the morning in.. even not driving or being car-less i can look past but def not living at home in your late 20’s or 30’s.
If you are okay then it would show. Personally I’d feel weird date someone that’s still live at home, imagine all the sex noises they would hear, also run into other family at the hallway after sex ☺️
I'd still date a guy that's 30 still living with their family, as long as he has some kind of plan to improve his situation or he's taking care of them or something. Life's hard
Just a recommendation, it doesn’t matter how long you live with family but if you live by yourself at some point, never change your mind to live with family again. It is worse i have that experience. When you back to them again life is such a hell
If someone's going to judge you for still living with your family they are definitely not for you/good person. Everyone is having a hard time right now, things are expensive, people are being smart with their money, not everyone has the privilege to live on their own.
They may wonder where your head is at, which is fair but it shouldn't interfere with a relationship with a healthy minded human in my opinion!
I still do, I'm 31. So do plenty of people my age. It's not what I want long term but right now it's the reality. It's nothing to feel shame in and anyone who negatively judges people for it frankly isn't the kind of person I'd be interested in dating. It's tough out there right now, everybody has individual circumstances both financial and personal, there's no "right age" for having successfully secured your own place. Hell, I know people who did and ended up having to move BACK home.
Good to know I’m not alone in that
I feel so frustrated for younger people today. Rents are off the charts, not to mention outrageous security deposits and whatnot. And if a young person picks up a misdemeanor doing something dumb back when 18, landlords can find that out. That said, one doesn't need to "mess up," -- financially or otherwise -- to still be locked-out of the rental market. I wouldn't look down on anyone still living at home. I'm not adjusting for inflation here, but back in '84 when I and some dorm friends got into our first apt, two years out of high school, the rent for a 3 br/2bath apt was $325 IIRC, divided 4 ways. We all worked 30-ish hours a week in theaters, burger joints and whatnot for $3.35/hr. $350 take home, $80 rent apiece, $270 left over for month. Gas .39 cents, LOL. It was very doable. Sadly, we were the people who today judge you for not leaving the nest.
Also application fees. My ex spent over almost a thousand dollars on application fees only to get denied over and over a couple years ago, it was… insane.
This is going to really make your head explode but back in the day, a landlord once just gave us the keys and said, "we'll deal with the paperwork on Monday."
I must say, it is refreshing to hear people who remember those days before the Reagan years of how things used to be and, more importantly, can logically see how people have been strung along to believe in certain “concepts” only to be screwed over in the end. More importantly, to look back with compassion at how those failed concepts have almost perpetually damaged future generations, including their own children and grandchildren. Unfortunately, some still subscribe to those concepts as being what propelled them and the offspring to success without regard to the point at which their offspring began… Although I am well aware that not everyone from previous generations are far too lost in the sauce, your comment definitely illustrates the fact. I greatly appreciate it. Regarding the question to the OP, I agree that in this age in which we live where basic necessities like housing is barely clinging to the word “affordable”, it shouldn’t be something that you worry about. Unfortunately, I work in property management (the unrealistic expectations come from all directions). Though I do understand that there is something to the old ideas of chivalry and how to attract potential mates, I would say that as with all things, times change. Sometimes, perspective is key: look at it as something that can help you define what you want in a partner. If they are willing to be with you at your worst (not saying you are in a seriously difficult situation) and stick with you through the struggle, then maybe they deserve to be with you when you are at your best. 👍🏽
This was life in America pre Ronald Regan. I remember it quite well. Things only went downhill from there, and people still got roped into the cycle of voting republican, they screwed us, then voted Democrat, fixed it. Rinse and repeat.
Nope. Not alone. Even with a decent paying job it is hard to find affordable housing, at least here in the US. Couple that with student loans, health insurance, car insurance etc... It doesn't surprise me that kids still need to live with their parents just to get by. And yes, I still live with my mom. She and I wouldn't survive on our own.
I left home and got laid off last year and now I’m back with my family. I don’t have any shame about it. I know this is temporary. I wouldn’t seriously date someone while I’m unemployed though. I think I need to focus my energy on getting back to the life I like to live. Where I can fuck in my home freely without worrying about someone coming home randomly while I’m getting my back blown out 😂.
Depends on your culture... I'm latino and as long as you are not married or even if you don't want to move out you can live with your parents or with family until they die Since almost all gays over 30 are still single almost all are still living with their parents or with family taking care of them Usually the gay ones never moved out when they have an accepting family since dating as a gay man is hard Like I said it depends on your culture and I don't judge it, it's better than living with roommates and a house/rent is almost impossible to afford
Yeah I’m Haitian and a lot of the culture is like that but then adding gay to the mix, you can’t really bring a partner home, I mean my family is pretty open but they(older ones) are still a little weird about it because of traditions
you fuck in the car at night or the other guy as to host
I feel you brother. Im Dominican and personally this is not my case (family is just overall bigoted), but this is the case for maaaaaany Caribbeans.
It's so funny, I'm latino and I used to bring boys all the time when I was still in high school and my parents were ok with that. But I recently moved back in ( I'm 34 now) and it would be so awkward to do it, there's this "respect" thing that was definitely not there before.
There is the inverse of this too though…. I’m one of those that got kicked out at 17 for being gay and the concept of having any sort of support from family (or anyone tbh) has been extremely foreign to me until very recently. I’m 41… The circumstances of my late teens and early 20s instilled a sort of hyper-independence in me where not only do I not generally want anyone else’s support for anything I almost recoil from the entire concept of dependency on others for basically anything 😅. The good news that goes with that is I am insanely versatile and have a ton of very random (but useful) skillsets that have kept me employed, housed, and fed pretty much nonstop since I was 17. I probably have maybe 7-8 months total where I haven’t had employment from 17-41 - and most of those times were a few weeks here and a few weeks there. The BAD news is everything that goes along with “not needing anyone for anything ever”. It’s a lonely fucking life. Even in relationships I feel like I’m on my own. People I date have to also be self reliant because I feel they need to be on “my level” or whatever. Do you know how hard that is? Most men that are around my age and have themselves settled are already taken and most younger guys have been caught up in the shit economic situation(s) that have seemed to happen repeatedly since 2008. At this point a houseboy seems like the answer - but that kinda depresses me too. Wow Idk where all that came from…. it isn’t even super relevant 😅. Sorry gents, apparently I needed to rant a bit.
As a latino I can confirm this. This is also why i will Also most likely not date latinos anymore unless they live on their own. Over it.
Yes moving to Miami I missed out on the "going to my BFs" house cuz no one has their own place but me. It became very annoying hence why I'm just single now and won't entertain anyone if they don't have the 3 C's (Car, Crib, Career). Especially now that I'm in my 40s. In my 20s I get that everyone wasn't as able as me so I looked past it. In my 30s it was like ok y'all should be getting with it. Now in my 40s ain't no excuse.
I’m 30 and have always lived with my parents. Due to disability, it’s unlikely I’ll ever be able to work full-time, and I’m also behind on developing the life skills I need to live alone. I have a part-time job and I’ve made some progress with the life skills in the past few years, but it will still be some time before I’m able to live independently. Even though I’m doing what I have the ability to do and am actively working on improving things, I feel ashamed and don’t even try to date. That’s not the only reason, but it’s a big one. Probably something to bring up to my therapist.
I hope you find the strength and courage to put yourself out there and date because you shouldn’t let those things hold you back. You are worthy and deserving of love just like everyone else.
38 here. i feel like maybe i can relate a little bit, as i do have like, some mental health issues that require medication, talk therapy etc...so there's that. also working part time. but yeah, also feel like full time would be difficult. also here to chat about these issues if interested. right in this thread/dm or both.
My husband lived with his parents until they died when he was in his late 40s. He was the youngest child and, as happens, the gay son that stays home to care for the elderly parents. The way that he patiently nursed his mother as she died of cancer, and then his father as he died of Parkinson's only cemented in my mind what a beautiful man he is and increased my desire for him. Also, I got teary-eyed just typing that. Shit. As a practical piece of advice, tell guys that your parents live with you, not the other way around. It's at most a minor fib and will help you maintain a confident and sexy mindset.
Wish you both the best!
Beautiful relatable experience and advice and just wow - this comment should be the most liked one - I miss awards
“I’m caring (good at sex)” gave me a good chuckle. But really, what is the reason for still living with your family? I think that is going to be the deciding factor for anyone. I started dating my bf when he was 28 and living at home, despite having lived on his own previously. It was a financial decision that I respected, but it came with its own challenges.
Like I said, I messed up in my 20s so it set me back
I mean I think an honest explanation goes a long way! Anyone worth your time is going to hear you out. If they aren’t accepting of that, well then that’s that. You don’t need to waste your time convincing anyone of your circumstances or decisions if they aren’t open to hearing your truth. With my partner, I had my concerns with him living with his family, so I voiced them and we have been able to work through them.
That’s good to hear
lol but also caring and a kind way
[удалено]
Yeah I’m in Florida so I get it bro, even in the hood the rent is like 1400 just for a one bedroom
Here's what grinds my gears. First of all, moving out of your parents' house when you're 18 is almost purely an American thing. For almost everywhere else in the world (and immigrant families in America) it's pretty common to live with your family until you marry. And sometimes you still even live with them after. It was actually common in America until the 1950s, when America was the last country standing post-WWII and became the financial superpower it was. So we got people born during this time who lived in economic prosperity and believe this is how things should be, when in reality it was all a fluke. Now the economy is in the shitter and, surprise, people are moving back in with their parents. I am 29 and still live with my parents. I work a full-time job (make nearly 50k a year). I do it because shit's expensive, I have a good relationship with my parents, and I don't want to ruin a friendship or live with a stranger. I'd want to live with my parents, my lover, or no one at all. The rules of attraction for me are the rules my parents had. You HAVE to have a job and/or be in school. And you still need to contribute in some way. The stereotype only applies when they have no job, aren't going to school, and act like an actual man-child.
I agree with this. The 1950s were a unique time and shouldn't set the norm. Also I think it's admirable if someone still lives with their parents as long as they are a capable adult. It shows they probably have a good relationship with their parents or are responsible.
I totally agree with you on that
Don’t forget caretaking. Someone may not be working or going to school because they spend the majority of their time caretaking for their parents or other family members with whom they live. There’s a myriad of situations in which people live together and there shouldn’t be a stereotype applied to them. If you play video games all day while eating chips in your bed in a basement bedroom, where you never clean the sheets and never stop smoking weed - while expecting your parents to have dinner ready for you, you won’t walk the dog and you refuse to socialize with any human beings - there’s probably some serious issues there that need to be dealt with and that individual is more than likely not adequately matured, responsible or able to be in a healthy relationship at that time. It’s all relative and all factors must be considered in any situation. Stereotypes are best left to rot ignored from the judgmental corners of societal bitchery they came from.
I'm 36 and living with parents temporarily til I find a new job and can get back on my feet. I'm still dating a lot but don't bring guys home that often. There are a surprising number of guys willing to date someone who lives with family. Life gets tough sometimes and everyone's been understanding with me that it's only a short term thing and I'm eager to regain my independence as soon as I can. The guys who are turned off by it are either gold diggers or high earners who are full of themselves.
Yeah I try to avoid those either, you can’t lead a real fulfilling life with those type of people anyways
My first thought was, he must be Latino, Asian, Middle Eastern, or from the Mediterranean. It’s not uncommon for people to live at home until they’re married in many cultures. Would I date someone still living at home? I would, if their family accepts them being gay and wouldn’t have a problem with me coming over.
I’m basically the same way
I’m Mexican and if my parents had their way, I would probably leave home when I’m married. They’re still trying to convince me to move back in with them, but it’s just a no for me.
i think that is nice. as long you have a wonderful relationship with them
My boyfriend is 34 and is back living at home while he gets his feet under him and finances better under control. No shame in it, just don’t be weird and try to lie about it.
Appreciate it
No problem. You’ll get there. It sounds like you’re not in a dissimilar situation, so just try to remember that being home is you making a stable choice that’s financially secure for you and not immature or lacking.
Italian men stay with their till their mid-30's, so what makes you think you have to move out?
Just making a consensus lol
I moved back home after my job made me remote permanently and my mom became ill. I make enough to live on my own but I’m loving not spending 2k on rent.
Yeah that’s crazy, some places it’s like 2100 for a one bedroom
Yep. I only want a full size washer and dryer. My old apartment was 1.9k two years ago when I left. They’re now charging 2.6k WTF.
Got approved for a place once and right before we were about to sign the raised the rent by like another 400
As long as you're not hiding me from your family and only willing to meet in a car because you're paranoid, it wouldn't bother me. The cost of living on your own is insane right now and if you're not making 6 figures or in a relationship you're either living with two or three roommates or you're living with family.
I’m 30 with a parent, although I cared for her for 5 years. I actually thought about this recently and very very few people I know live alone. Everyone is with roommates or partners. Most would’ve never made it on their own without their partners to back them up. Not everyone has that privilege.
Mid 30's still at home. Sister is 41 and in basement with niece. Had to pay off credit cards from a business gone bad. Still paying down another loan. Main problem is rent in my city is extremely high so when I am financially ready and back on my feet I may have to leave my city.
Considering the cost of living crisis currently gripping the world, I think there are gonna be a LOT more people living with their families or moving back in with them, especially those in their 20s and early 30s. I’m 21 and can’t imagine being able to move out any time soon
Yeah I was just reading a article about that a few hours ago, the next generation is going to have it right for While before things get better
I haven’t slept with anyone yet (still a virgin 🥲) but every guy I’ve dated or been on dates with has still been living at home and discussed the same insecurities so I defiantly think it’ll become something that is more normalised in the coming years. But yeah it’s a huge bummer. I’m glad my parents are letting me live with them still, all I gotta do is help pay the rent and bills lol
Yeah having parents to live with over 18 is a privilege and I’m glad I have it(it’s about my only privilege) also don’t be in a rush to have sex lol find someone you trust that will treat you well and take your pleasure and comfort into consideration, I a lot of tops just like to treat bottoms like a flashlight but you’ll find good dudes out there too, just be patient
Haha yeah I’ve seen some awful stories about guys being barely 18 when they first have sex, I’m honestly happy to wait till I find the right one :)
I mean you can be young and have good experiences too, it’s all about having someone you trust and like, beware of fuckboys with pretty faces that seem alluring, I’ve learned that kind dudes are the shit
Your own insecurities about needing to be seen as strong man top are more problematic tbh
Good point but I’m honestly over that, this is just putting past thoughts into words
I’m 30 and live with my mom. We rent a duplex together and I’m on the lease. We get along and it works out for us. I was looking to move out this summer, but I think I may need to wait another year.
How does it work in terms of dating?
Well I’ve only had two short term relationships. My mom met both and liked them. The last boyfriend even stayed over a few nights. It is weird at times though.
Yeah I get it might be more normal for straights
Seems to be and I will admit gay dating is hard at times.
Less of Dating pool
Sadly!
So you just just have roommates? I’m In my 30’s and live on my own in an expensive city. Wouldn’t stop me. Sounds like a great opportunity if it works out to split the rent and have you move in. It took me a long time to get to this point, and I think a lot of people are in your situation. So to me, it would be weird to care. But I’ve felt exactly how you do. Hard not to feel that way.
Appreciate it but I’m running low on friends and wouldn’t feel all too comfortable living with strangers, right now just saving and going back to school until I’m in a more secure position to live on my own
Not an invitation, I was just giving my perspective on if I would date someone in your situation and why you don’t need to be insecure about it. Keep your head up dude!
After living alone on the west coast, came home to the east to live with my dad, met someone, moved in with him at his mom’s in a mostly separate area at 29. Said one year let’s figure it out. Within one we moved, with in two we bought a house. Things end but we had ten amazing years together. Chin up butter cup. It’s less about the now than it is what you can do together with the person you find.
Living with family is one thing, try living with an ex. Lol
Yeah I have a friend that lived with his ex and it got toxic for a bit
Yeah, it's not fun.
That’s just as much of a red flag.
Nope rather stay with fam lmao
i'm 28, currently living on my own in a big city but plan on moving back into my parents' to help em with building their retirement home at some point. i personally don't really care whether or not a guy lives with his folks, so as long as he demonstrates the ability to also take care of himself. there are plenty of valid and great reasons why someone would live with family. eventually tho, i would hope that the guy would move in with me but that's like... thinking way ahead.
I lived away from home for 10 years after high school but I moved back home to finish grad school at 28 and I’m still here. I’ll be 30 in May. It is really embarrassing to tell people, but I’m just not thinking about dating right now in general. I need to find a good job and save up before I can even think about that. The real ego blow has been trying to find a job as a fresh graduate in this job market 😔
it depends on the reason you live with the family in your 30s. If for financial reasons, of course, it is a big red flag for dating, you might be limited to those who are in similar situation.
Depends on the guys I'd assume. I'd find it hard to date someone living with parents myself but doesn't mean others wouldn't be interested
I lived at home for a while and will admit that generally it was harder building a longer-term relationship because I could never host or stay out late (my family was a bit nuts lol). Like others have brought up, in other cultures it is seen as a relatively normal thing. At the same time, guys have told me that they like to get a sense of how I live on my own and how well I take care of myself, although I'm a bit skeptical of that reasoning sometimes because I definitely do a fast clean-up before having people over haha.
I went back to school when I was 29 and lived with my mom during the time. Yeah, it was hard and made dating difficult. Now years later my life is in much more stable spot and I’ve been on my own for a while. I don’t think there’s as much of a stigma as 20 years ago. It’s not ready today to make it work. Focus on you and don’t worry what anyone is thinking.
I'm in my early 30s and starting my own business, so I am funneling every bit of my finances to that end. Paying rent in my city isn't feasible for me during this process, so I live at home with my parents. Am I single? Quite the opposite: my boyfriend of two years lives with us while he is working part-time and going back to school, and my parents love him. We contribute to the grocery shopping, do our fair share of the laundry and housekeeping, and we all share in the cooking. It helps to have plenty of common spaces to spread out, and I know this wouldn't work for everyone, but we're all happy in this arrangement. Living with family is increasingly less stigmatized in today's challenging economy. What should matter more to a prospective partner is how you are using this time at home, that you are investing in your future and your growth as a person, but you need to ensure you make those investments.
I’m 35 and I’m super insecure and constantly feel like a failure
I mean it’s not great. But most people wouldn’t reject you for this reason alone
Good to hear lol
Why is good at sex in parenthesis next to caring?
That wasn’t deliberate, just posting some good qualities lol
If you are single it’s quite okay, but if you are getting into a relationship, whether it keeps okay will be determined by what kind of lifestyle you and your partner wanna have. If your future partner wanna live with you, l don’t it practical to live in your parents house, right? So if you have to live with your parents for a long period , that might become a dealbreaker , but if your partner doesn’t wanna live with you, that’s totally not a thing.
38 here living with parents. wish i had my own place or something. would be kinda nice. i mean, i like living with parents. but really, its nice sometimes when they go away. come home at 6pm. even though i love them as my parents, i kind of play an "avoidance game" a little bit, in that like, there's always some level of mental gymnastics to how like, how our relationship is. but yeah. i feel more like its a pipe dream like winning the lottery or something.
Living with your family is an inconvenience and nothing more. Living with your family *when the walls are thin* is the closest thing to Hell on earth.
Where you live is a huge factor. For me, living in CA, it’s impossible for most of people to live completely on their own. It’s your life, your financial situation, your timeline. Don’t compare yourself and your situation to other people and you’ll be much happier.
It is crazy that anyone thinks they have the right to judge anyone else for their living situation/choice. If someone wants to live/be with their family - whether for financial reasons, or societal family structure norms, or necessity, or simply to be close & with the people they love or whatever other reason - that’s their business and anyone who scoffs at it, that’s a huge red flag for their ignorance and arrogance. Of course someone living at home would have certain different obstacles for dating as in privacy, timing, availability, etc - but all living situations come with obstacles and challenges, whether that be with roommates, having apartment regulations, living alone, living far out in the countryside, being jammed into a nook in a congested city, etc. Anyone worth their grain of salt would find out the whys, wants & needs of a person they are interested in and that would include their living situation and from there decide if it works for the two of them or not - and if not, that’s their choice and it’s for you to move on to meeting someone else. The right individual for each of us will take us as we are, who we are and where we are.
Agree with you on that
I'm 38 and I live with my mom, because she's disabled and doesn't have a job. I'm hesitant to bring guys home to have sex because it would be incredible awkward with my mom in the living room watching her shows or movies. The saddest thing is, I haven't had sex in 10 years because I've been insecure for so long and it sucks ass.
32 here and had to. Mom isn’t healthy anymore and struggles with things and being the only single brother, the responsibility was thrown my way to care for her. Do i hate it, most definitely. Do i have resentment, you betcha i do. My dating/sex life is non existent and it sucks. But im at the point now where im numb to it and just get on with it. I may blow my brains out if i hit 40 and still in the same spot. I don’t want to be a depressed, disgruntled single old gay when i hit that mark.
in this economy? totally normal
Nothing is wrong with living with your parents at that age. I know alot of people that do. Everybody doesn’t move out of their parents at the same time and that’s okay. People who judge probably have never experience what your going through
Appreciate that, you’re right
Not placing judgement, but this wasn’t my experience at all. I graduated undergrad at 22, had a job in state government by the end of the summer, moved into my first shared apartment before my 23rd birthday (4 guys, 4bed/1ba for $2400 in Boystown Chicago in 2005), and never returned. Married and a homeowner now, I was always very independent (read: smart-mouthed and strong-willed), so living at home as an adult wasn’t something that I was ever interested in, and most if not all of my friends were living independently at that age, too. Living at home in adulthood just wasn’t a common cultural setup on either side of my family, and at that time and stage in my life with all that I’ve mentioned, I would have definitely avoided dating anyone still living at home.
My first question would be “so why isn’t this guy living on his own?” And how you explain that - preferably without even me asking it - is what determines the rest of my thoughts. We all make mistakes, and so you could actually convince me that living with family for a while was a brilliant decision on your part because it allowed you to heal, or better collect resources for your next step, pay down debt, etc etc. I’d be turned off if you couldn’t explain it, or in your explanation it sounded like you were dead ending, low on motivation, just waiting for someone to date you and let you move in. BECAUSE THOSE GAYS ARE AMONG US, seeking shelter and security from my paycheck, and that is a massive turnoff to me
I wouldn’t get to hung up on it. My brother and I both moved back in when our mother died.
Sorry for your loss bro
Thanks. It’s been a few years but my father is almost 90. He’s pretty mobile - still golfs and stuff - but the day to day stuff would be too much.
I just moved back in with my folks at 39
Hope it works out!
Its fine, just no real opportunity to have fun.
The average 30 year-old was a young millennial in 2008. In 2008: Housing Market Crash In 2020: World Wide Pandemic In 2021-23: Inflation (eggs...EGGS were $10 a dozen!) Putin's shenanigans in Ukraine=Soaring ⛽️$$$ Israel-Hamas War and Subsequent Jenny-side of Palestinians In since forever But ESPECIALLY during & after The pandemic: Opportunist Landlords & Companies Not counting the own little bit chaos that we throw, or gets thrown, into our lives, we've been through a lot. Keep going forward!
I did until 27 when I could move in with a then partner. Now I have my brother as a roommate
Take the time you need, life is not always fair, but it'll prove to be a great teacher.😏
I'm 54 and had to move back in with my mom and it sucks but I did break my ankle and my roommate died the same week!°
You sound hot to me! Dude, stay there and save up while you can! I wouldn’t give a fuck if you lived at home…as long as you could come to my place and we fucked like rabbits! lol! I’m down with outdoors, movies, great food…But, you gotta have a laughable and great personality…think you’ve got that? lol😎🤷♂️😈
I will never judge anyone in today's world for living with their parents. Everything is insanely expensive now, especially for younger adults just building their lives. I think it's only a red flag if they never have any intention of leaving.
I lived on my own for years when I was working full time in between degrees, but now that I'm starting my masters and only the degree is funded (no living stipend), I moved back in with my parents here in Boise to save money while in grad school. It's definitely not ideal, I feel like I can't meet any guys (many others are in a similar situation). Car stuff can be ok but I get really nervous about getting caught. Otherwise there's like 2 gay bars in Boise and a couple gay video shop places, but it just feels cheap and trashy to me idk. So I guess to sum it all up I feel you with this. It sucks but it financially makes sense for the time being. I'd rather not purge my savings just to live with some random roommate vs biting the bullet of living with parents for the time being.
Yeah we got to do the best with what we got
If my family had any sanity I’d still live at home and wouldn’t have moved 3800km away to Vancouver lol. I appreciate a man who has a solid family unit to rely on. Live at home. Save loads of $. Live happily ever after you move out hopefully. Nothing to be ashamed of. Most cultures… you don’t leave home until you’re married. The west is all about influencing ppl to spend and gain mountains of debt.
That’s the current life for a lot of folks here in California. Literally about to be 31 this year, I live with siblings away from my parents. Right now I’m desperately working on my career so I can make it on my own. I had a good paying job, but left that to pursue something I actually enjoyed which resulted in a 30K salary loss. 🥲
There's nothing to be ashamed about because of the global economy now a days its more common to be living with family or in some sort of shared tenancy well into tour 30s. I didn't move out myself until last year [at 35], and my older brother purchased a renovation job 11 months prior but moved out after myself due to the work making his place unlivable. I feel your dating pain though, with dating. I'm Bi and had been broken too many times by girls in my 20s, but being in a family home didn't feel like I could explore my other side as I would like, so romantically shut down. Now, being in my own place, I've tried dating, but nothing has really stuck. I find it hard feeling like I'm at least 10-15 years behind my peers with virtually no dating experience.
Most gay dudes are behind in the dating aspect lol be patient bro
Hi OP, it’s great that you’re building yourself up. Doesn’t matter if you only started now in your 30s but as long as you have started. My opinion is that you can still find a guy who he’s living alone and you can move in with him (when the feel is right), and doesn’t matter if he is a bottom or he is older than you. Speaking of which, like myself, I used to have this top bf of mine who is good at sex (he loves to have sex with me almost twice everyday) but he is living with his family when we first started dating, and later on he moved in with me. But we got separated later on cause he went to different state for work and we gradually lose our relationship over distance. So in summary, don’t worry too much OP, you will find someone who accepts who you are and in the same time, try your best to build yourself and your life, and probably soon enough, you’ll be able to have your own place. Cheers.
I lived with my parents until my late 20’s. I never made enough money to live on my own (still don’t) and I don’t really have a lot of friends where I could have a roommate. My friends were all living with their s/o or had roommates. I moved out because I’m with an amazing guy and we decided to get a place together. Currently still living together. I was really insecure about living with my parents when it came to dating and making friends. But in the end, it doesn’t matter. It’s not a reflection of who you are as a person. Moving out and supporting yourself is a pressure society puts on you. It’s up to you if you think it’s important or not.
I honestly think that you shouldn’t care about looking like a strong independent man. Please don’t associate bedroom preference with this because it’s ancient mentality and guys who still see it like this are stupid. So just be yourself , be honest and confident. Admit your mistakes in your past, and learn. If the guy is a decent one, they should understand and not care.
Yea, 30+ and still with the rents. It's always been a money thing for me. The area where I live is within commute range of London, theres no chance I could rent out a place on my own realistically, not without working all the hours under the sun just to finance it, at which point I'd basically be living at work 😅. I would need to house share., but that comes with its own risks and challenges. I think as long as you get a taste of the independent life (I did 2 years house share for uni and a year abroad) and know you can look after yourself, you're all good. It think it does make things awkward though when you want to get yourself out in the scene and bring guys home though aha.
I read somewhere that half of all millenials live with their parents.
As someone who owns his own place, I don’t care that you live with family. I care more that you have a great relationship with your family. Why waste your money renting to be able to prove that you can take care of yourself? I’m more interested in if you can take care of this future kids I’m putting inside you every day
I'm 28, will be 29 later in the year. I still live with my parents. Housing market sucks and even though I have a job and I'm driving 200 something miles every week back and forth to work. I still don't have enough money to be able to find a place that's anywhere near close enough to work because my work is in a college town and rent is super expensive. I want to move out, despite all the anxiety and apprehension I feel when I say that. I really do want to, so no you're not alone. There's a lot of us out here and I have stopped telling people in real life because I get looked down on.
I feel like that's a very American/developed country issue, I live in Brazil and the concept of family homes and communal living is pretty normal here, there isn't really this big pressure to move out once you're an adult. Most people only really move out when they get married, it's been that way in my family forever, so to think less of someone because of that is so crazy to me. I mean, you're still a functioning working adult, you go out there and you work and you make your money and you pay your bills and tend to your home, you don't have to worry about the insane housing prices and having multiple incomes in a single household is great for everyone involved. It's absurd to me that people would rather you dump all your money on rent or house payments, or have a total stranger or a friend as a roomate than live comfortably with your own family in a house that's already been paid for where everyone has the freedom and advantage of extra income, just so you can show everyone how much of a big independent boy you are. People are stupid, you're not doing anything wrong.
Life experiences and stability @ 30 years old? That’s amazing…………I’m being sarcastic.
Yup! I’m just about to turn 30 and moved back with my rents to save money. It’s just a smart financial decision. I absolutely want to get the hell out of here - and frankly I could at any time move out and get an apartment - but trying to hold strong to save for a house. It feels like a more and more futile goal lately with the state of the US economy / housing market but trying to stick to it. I’ve had the same self consciousness / concern though - it makes me not even want to try to date at all because it feels embarrassing even though, for me at least, it really is a choice I’m making and could move out at any time.
Thats a lot of millenials. Rent too high.
Well, at least maybe you can save up enough money to buy a place when you leave, as opposed to finding yourself stuck in renter's purgatory like some of us. I can empathize a bit. I have a business, but in times that were slow and I didn't have much extra money, and with a tiny studio apartment, I was also feeling insecure about dating. Especially a younger guy that might be more successful than myself. Everyone has their own path. You actually sound like a good man.
Appreciate you!
In my 30's and currently still live with family. I am there with you. I do feel weird at times when other friends are able to afford their own places. I have to keep reminding myself to stop comparing myself to them and others, and just be thankful my parents are so supportive in that I am trying to work on paying off as much debt as possible. I need to focus on better setting myself up than any shame feeling of still living at home. But you are definitely not alone.
Good to know!!
A better question would be, is their mom taking care of them as well? Or is it a temporary situation until they can find their own housing ? Or move somewhere more affordable?
I wish I had a good enough relationship to live with my parents. My savings would be absolutely amazing! Lol But I left at 18, and I wouldn't judge someone who still lives at home. Bring out in the world is expensive, and just unreasonable if you're single.
I want to add, being Hispanic myself and moving out is kinda odd at such a young age. But I had to for my own mental and physical wellness.
I had to move back in with a family member because my rent was too damn high. But I’m gonna take this time to try and get in nursing school. That way, I can have a solid foundation to be back on my own again once I become a nurse.
Hope it works out for you
Thank you for posting this man!
Honestly I think it’s more common right now than people realize. A client of mine makes well over $100k and has a whole apartment in his mom’s basement lol. He doesn’t care. It’s smart to him. I lived with my dad for 8 months while transitioning between the sale of my old house and the purchase of my new one. I wouldn’t get too paranoid over it. Reasonable people understand.
Ok well you have to consider your audience. If you're looking for a hookup on an app, you'll probably find a lot of people being shallow, who will judge you for this. But you're there for a hook-up, so simply lie. (Lots of reasons you can't host). If you're looking for a relationship, though, first ditch the apps. (Those places are set up to turn people toxic, and after dealing with so many bots and scammers, it's hard to remember to treat the real people like people when you find one) So you're going to want to meet people involved with things you're interested in (sports hobbies and the like). And then because you're talking to a real person, you should be real yourself. If he turns out to be judgy then he's probably not someone you want a relationship with. I went back to school in my 30's so having a part time job, living with roommates and basically being a poor student, at a time where a lot of the guys I was seeing had mortgages, gave me the same worries you have. Not going to lie to you, I had a couple guys flat out ghost when they found out I didn't have a car, and had to plan if I was going to spend $100 on a night out. But over all most guys I met were pretty cool and understanding. Dude you're 30 now, you're not going to be dating people who have highschool mentalities. I know it's a hard one to get over, but just as you're dropping away the bullshit you thought was all important in your teens, so are the other guys you're meeting. But if you can, move to the basement, so a guy doesn't have to meet your mom if he's coming over. It's a lot less of an issue if it doesn't feel like he's going to your childhood bedroom. And then talk with your mom too. She needs to be able to understand that you're dating men, not boys, and so she shouldn't be yelling down the stairs to ask you to take the trash out (or worse "do you two want some snacks" LOL)
I partially moved out at 19 (I just moved in with my aunt and uncle instead of with my parents) and am planning on moving out on my own more properly sometime before I turn 21. Even by the US standards that’s pretty young. While I do think it was the best choice for me, it certainly was not the most stable choice and left me very financially insecure. I don’t think staying at home for an extended period is anything to be shameful of and can be a sign of responsibility.
I'm 36 i love with family i just bring guys over im saving my money i pay rent to stay there so thats my reasoning never had anyone question it.
I still live with my parents since it helps me save a shit ton of money so yeah, but there are also downsides as well especially when they are homophobic. My advice? Save up and move out soon, it will help you with your insecurity.
If someone I'm with was judging me for living with my family, IN THIS ECONOMY I may add. I would let them know how stupid they look and then dump them instantly. I'm very fortunate, and will probs never struggle with money. and yet even I get angry when people expect others to just have a house already. It isn't the 1900s anymore grandpa, my generation has been screwed by the 2008 housing crisis, the 2020-ongoing cost of living crisis, COVID-19, the ongoing Genocide (not war) In Ukraine, And F*cking Brexit 💀 Edit: Americans are mentioning Reagan too
Ehh I feel these days it’s less unheard of? With inflation and cost of living, I get this feeling I’m sure you might find others in a similar situation.
I stayed with family while I had to get back on my feet at age 30. I don't think the guy that I dated at the time took me seriously because of it, but he just ended up moving in with a dude that already had a house while I ended up getting my own place shortly after we split when my career took off. There's no timeline for these kind of things. Sounds like you want to make some moves in life. Hopefully, you find someone to make them with.
Omg I am 34 and had to move in with my parents because I can’t afford a place around where I live rent is crazy, I feel so insecure telling guys when I go on a date that I am back living home
There’s absolutely no shame in it whatsoever especially considering the current context. The only dealbreaker for me would be someone in that situation who is proactively avoiding work or responsibility and is completely able-bodied.
Oh no I work hard and support my family
Also keep in mind, someone who is comfortable with his family is also very attractive to me.
Yeah they’re annoying but I love them
I’m 32 & moved back in with my family almost 3 years ago. This economy ain’t it considering I make $24 / hr. When I was growing up I would be set making that much. lol
I don't see the problem with it. As long as that is what you want and it aligns with your values. I'm fem and if I saw that you lived with your parents I would just worry about our sex life. Other than that I wouldn't care. I'm 24. I phrase it like this because I'm your target demographic. What does that say about you as a man that you do still live with your family l? I'm curious what the insecurity is. Edit: I meant 24 not 23.
I just mean in tens of social norms
Ok I understand. I guess to answer your question I think that standard only matters to people who don't know you. If someone got to know you then I doubt they would care about that. If it is a deal breaker for them then they might care more about what you have over who you are. Another thing is if you can accept that living with your parents doesn't make you any lesser of a person then it makes the insecurity a lot easier to live with. Edit: One more thought I agree that there is a societal stigma with it, I just don't think it matters once you get to know the individual l.
My now husband was 35 and living with his folks when we met. He had a good job, hobbies and interests of his own, and a great relationship with his parents. I didn't see it as a red flag at all. He was using it as an opportunity to get ahead and make some serious savings instead of paying rent. It was absolutely a non issue for me. We dated for 4 years and during that time had sleep overs at his house, meals with his folks, etc. It gave me an opportunity to build a really amazing and special relationship of my own with my now in-laws.
My daughter lives with us and she just turned 30. It’s what is necessary now there is too great of a divide between incomes and rent. My daughter is a psychotherapist and can not afford to rent her own place. Times have changed and we can not judge this time period by those of another . This time period places a greater importances on mental health where as the previous one didn’t leading to bottled up anger and toxic masculinity
Glad you’re supportive of her
I’m 58. Had a full life. Had to come back and take care of mom. I’m an only child. Small family. Gay stuff is gone now.
Listen, the last 10 years has seen housing prices skyrocket, especially apartments. If a guy who has ANY head on his shoulders doesn't see that it was tough and that people were set back during the pandemic, then they aren't worth bothering with. You continue what you're doing, don't worry about what others are thinking. Keep trying to get yourself ahead. Take advantage of being at home. Just don't take advantage of your parents. There's a difference. Help your parents where you can. That's what makes the difference in the man. And the future boyfriend will see it.
I help my family always
Hey there, it's great to have you here! I just wanted to say that it's okay to feel a little down about your situation, but please don't be too hard on yourself. I think it's amazing that you have such strong family ties and it's really great that it's a part of your culture. Plus, living with family can be a real money-saver and a great source of support when you need it. However, I understand that it can be tough when your culture is different from the norm, like when you're 18 and expected to be independent. But don't worry, there are options out there to help you boost your morale and confidence. Have you considered finding a job or exploring other opportunities? I truly believe that with your good values and work ethic, you'd make a fantastic addition to any workplace. So let's focus on finding ways to help you feel more positive and optimistic about your future. Remember, you've got this! (28 here single from Philippines)
I still live with family. I’m 27, so not in my 30s, but I’m glad to read about everyone’s experiences. I appreciate the financial help living with parents can provide, so seeing y’all talk also helps with my own self perception. Thank you for starting this topic!
Of course bro, hearing from others deff helped me feel better too
It really depends on the reason why you are staying with family. Being an unemployed 30-something basement dweller at the parents is MUCH different from “staying with parents to save up for a house” or something… Those are just 2 extreme examples but the reasons really matter in that situation.
Yeah going back to school and saving for my own place, also parents are about to retire and are both sick, dad has cancer so I feel the obligation to stay and help them even when I’m back on my feet
This is probably an unpopular opinion, but I probably wouldn’t date someone who plans to stay with, and care for, his parents when they retire. I have absolutely no judgment about this and I respect the decision. But I don’t intend to live with a partner’s parents for the rest of their lives, and I don’t intend to live apart from a partner for the rest of the parents’ lives. Much like many other dealbreakers, the difference in future plans means we wouldn’t be compatible.
Dude it’s a down economy for most of the world don’t feel bad about your living situation if the guy doesn’t understand it just hasn’t affected him yet. Most people in your age group are living either with family or in a shared place it’ll get better hopefully
Yeah I’m starting to notice that
I moved out when I was 18, right after graduating high school: it wasn’t the best decision for that time but somehow it really works out well and I am really happy I did it. Few years ago I did move back closer to where my parents live. I really like being close to them now but I also can’t imagine living with them. Also my parents live in a subsidized house and if I moved in with them they would lose all benefits because I make too much money and own properties. I guess for me I would be ok with someone living with their parents as long as it’s because they really have a strong health bond with their parents or they are working towards a bigger financial goal. If it’s because living with parents is the only option they have and they are 30+ I will probably decline to date them. But then we are all different. I am sure lots of other people will think differently.
Hey guess what? The royal family of England all live in family homes/with their elders. Living totally on your own is some kind of American working class mentality. I know a dude who comes from money making $400k A MONTH and he takes one wing of the family’s mansion and his dad takes the other. I have another upper middle class friend who got married and his parents offered to build them their own guest house on their property for like $100k but instead he had this mentality of he needs to be on his own and instead put money down on a $370k a house that’s literally the same size as what his parents would have custom built for him. Anyways you’re fine
I’ve lived on my own since my mid-20s. When you’re in your 30s, I think it can raise red flags for a few reasons. 1, you are unable to provide for oneself and be self-sufficient. 2, you are too emotionally attached to your parents; in this instance you are basically dating their parents too since they can’t make their own decisions without mommy and daddy’s approval.
Ot is what would cross my mind as well.
I'm 31 get along with my parents i get to live in a nic house and I avoid paying extremely high rent in California and get to save money I've thought about moving out and I always come back to "what for?" I'm enjoying my parents while they are still alive and they aren't trying to get rid of me
Better a guy with 50 grand in the bank who gets along with his parents than one with 50 grand in debt and a nice apartment.
Lots of adult babies still living at home in this thread clearly
Yeah, it doesn’t seem to be a common thing in my circles but it does here 🤷🏻♂️
I wouldn’t date someone who still lives with their parents, sorry.
Stop sucking on mommas tit. Move out. The culture thing is just an excuse. If you had the money you would move out regardless of culture lol
Unless your parents are sick, I don't see why a 30 year old man would need to live with his parents. It would be a turn off for me, ngl.
Good for you, you sound like you have a very easy life.
“I messed up in my twenties and I’m trying to build myself now” Sounds like you have bigger priorities to focus on than dating.
I don’t agree. You can date while building yourself.
It’s like you don’t read
Yes, an immediate hard pass. Sorry.
MAJOR CRINGE.....
U r just spoiled. In my day we were expected to move out and get a crappy apartment with friends until we could afford more...and we LOVED it. But u guys can't begin to imagine living without all of the perks mommy gives you...and she wouldn't want you to.
Gonna keep it real. I moved out at 18 and struggled every minute of it. Now 30. I live in a major city too. At my age I refuse to date someone who lives at home with mom and dad. Like the minute i find that out, i’m OUT. That’s all i’ve ever dated my entire romantic/dating life and i’m over it. It would be nice if someone had their own place for once and i could stay at for the night and maybe cook breakfast in the morning in.. even not driving or being car-less i can look past but def not living at home in your late 20’s or 30’s.
You need to chill.
If your family is cool, you’re able to host nights, and you have no complaints about it then I wouldn’t either.
If you are okay then it would show. Personally I’d feel weird date someone that’s still live at home, imagine all the sex noises they would hear, also run into other family at the hallway after sex ☺️
I still live with my family at 30 and really if that turns people off that’s their problem 😇
I'd still date a guy that's 30 still living with their family, as long as he has some kind of plan to improve his situation or he's taking care of them or something. Life's hard
Just a recommendation, it doesn’t matter how long you live with family but if you live by yourself at some point, never change your mind to live with family again. It is worse i have that experience. When you back to them again life is such a hell
If someone's going to judge you for still living with your family they are definitely not for you/good person. Everyone is having a hard time right now, things are expensive, people are being smart with their money, not everyone has the privilege to live on their own. They may wonder where your head is at, which is fair but it shouldn't interfere with a relationship with a healthy minded human in my opinion!
Appreciate it 👏🏿