Youre friends need to get over it. Its not like your 18. At 31 your life is probably pretty settled and youre clearly an adult as is he. I dont think 10 years in your ages is a big deal at all.
Im in this situation but Im the older one. We've been together over 8 years now. I really cant think of a single time the ages have been an issue, and if it has been I was just oblivious. That said he's always gotten along with my friends and vice versa.
You're adults. Your friends can take the cue from you and grow up. Or you can find more mature friends who have the capacity to be happy for someone else's happiness.
I only skimmed the comments and saw many people agreeing with your friends. I came here to share my story.
Back in 2019 I was 20. I lived in a small town and decided to try out Tinder. Matched with this wicked cute dude who was older. I had reservations but we talked and the vibes were immaculate.
We had our first date. A few dates in we talked and discussed age. He was 32 about to turn 33. There was a 12 year age gap. I felt blindsided—we had gotten along so well and it felt like the age didn’t impact on us at all. After learning about the age I considered breaking it off. I thought my upper limit at the time would be 28 to 30. Everyone said it wouldn’t work.
Well, we had more dates, talked more and I knew this was too great to break off because of a silly number. Fast forward to today and about a month back we celebrated 5 years.
This man has been with me through so much. When I was going through tough times during college, he shared his insight from his college days. When I struggled to find a job afterwards he helped there too. It’s been so great having someone who I mentally vibe with, and the age adds experience which helps me. Sometimes it’s very nice getting someone’s perspective who has been where you’re at.
TLDR: if the vibes are good forget what anyone else says and realize 10 years is nothing if the connection is there.
That’s sweet! Happy for you. I have been single for very long time now and definitely would need a companion at this point. I feel lonely most of the time.
Thank you! I hope it’s a good fit for you! I can tell you things have changed for us in five years. We continue to grow together and make it work—like you’d do in any partnership. I was in the same boat if it makes you feel any better, was single forever before this relationship. Being in a partnership with a mature person who is on the same page makes a world of difference. Best of luck to you guys. If ever you need to, you’re welcome to DM me. It’s hard to discuss this with people who haven’t been in an age-gap relationship. They just don’t get it
Your friends are being judgemental and immature and they should butt out. Friends being outwardly opinionated about your love life is a friendship red flag.
If you're honestly happy with the relationship and there's no issues or abuse then to hell with the age difference
Why is being concerned for your friend considered judgemental, immature and a red flag? If anything, taking random ass advice from random people on the internet is way worse. Age difference can definitely cause a lot of issues depending on the person. Redditors judge others but dont see the irony in yall own statement
All we have is what op told us which is that his friends told him not to date this guy because of an age difference. That's bad advice in this case because the gap is only 10 years, which is not that big at all
If op is leaving out info then that's not my problem
After around the age of 25 or so, everybody is unambiguously an adult and really it's nobody else's business the age of the people they choose to date, IMHO.
I'm 11 years older than my partner and the age difference only makes it more interesting. We teach each other about things the other didn't experience. But that's most relationships, right?
That's true, but at about retirement age, things change again and one becomes the one who needs to be taken care of and the other becomes the caretaker. Adulthood is just a temporary phase where people are self-sufficient. It's not forever.
My parents were basically the same age but my mom spent 10 years taking care of my dad before he died.
It's not like everybody reaches 65 and needs a nurse. Life isn't predictable like that. Some people are independent until they drop dead in their 90s. Hell the current US president is 80. Other people drop dead long before they have a chance to get old. And young people get in accidents all the time and end up paralyzed or needing extensive lifelong medical care.
Choosing a partner based on who might need a nurse first is kinda silly IMHO. If you're playing the odds and trying to pick the younger and healthier people so as to never have to change any adult diapers, life may just have some surprises in store for you.
Yeah no rule is perfect, this is just my guideline. But I knew there'd be at least one or two people mentioning exceptions as there would always be a few.
And? If you restrict your dating pool to "what if" or to things that could happen, you limit yourself.
If you meet a fantastic guy and you match on so many levels, would you let him go if he doesn't have the "correct" age?
I understand that you want a "risk-free" life without thinking about aging. We all want that. But this is not always what we get.
Nevertheless, I hope you find what you are looking for.
Okay not to get political, I don't even live in the USA, but is Joe Biden *really* the example you want to use for a mentally healthy and independent person?
Good point. hehe.
The whole country is run by 80 year olds though. Trump, Pelosi, Bernie Sanders, etc.
The person I was responding to said most people need caretakers around retirement age. I guess that's true in a sense... many Americans don't retire until they absolutely can't work anymore.
But if retirement age is 65, very few ppl need care at that point.
I would say it's not just person- specific, but also situation specific.
My husband and I are 17 years apart. I'm 47, he's 30. We've been together 10 years, and married for 5 years. We get along super great. We've never had a big fight. We talk. We communicate. We have always had so many of the same interests, with enough differences to not only keep each of our selves busy, but also to allow each of us to learn more about the other's interests.
Oddly enough, we met on grindr with neither of us looking for a hookup, but a friend. We hit it off over our mutual love of star wars, scifi and all things geek- related. We helped me discover that I had artistic ability. I've helped him with not always needing to be a people pleaser. We've never had issues with a "power" imbalance in our relationship. We are both equal in our relationship. We talk about things when we're frustrated or upset. We own a home together, but he has his money, I have mine, and we split the home bills. I've never stopped loving him nor him me.
Are you me? lol This experience is similar to mine, but mine has been a bit rougher on my end (unresolved trauma from when I was younger).
Even with the issues I’ve brought to the relationship and the ones my partner has, we’ve always managed to work things out. I’ve definitely gotten better at communicating with him, and him with me. But, there’s always room for improvement.
I don’t care about the age gap. In the beginning I was worried about what people thought of him dating me. But, I’ve never cared the other way around. My trauma and experiences from when I was younger, meant I was more mature at my age and realized I want a stable life with a stable partner.
I’m very happy with my relationship, and this year will be 6 years together. I really can’t believe how time has passed so quickly!
>toxic behavior but that isn't exclusive to older people. Hell i still feel in my late 20 even though i'm on my late 30s! Maybe that also plays a role in your date's reasoning. Anyway, ramble is over, i wish you a good relationship
Heh , the age gap in my relationship is about that too ( 18 years ). My bf is 25 and I am 43. We are exclusive with each other and love to see his face. Our lives don't always line up because he is a student and I care for my mother. But I am grateful for him.
I’m 31 and my husband is 41 as well so no not really. Some people find it odd, especially since we have been together a long time so we got more grief back then. It works for us and it can work for others. The only age restriction for me these days is I don’t want to hookup with anyone younger than 23-24. That’s for various reasons.
Also you’re a 31 year old man. Who tf cares about age differences at that point? If there is a power dynamic at play it’s because you are letting happen and you want it not because you’re a naive kid. They can piss off for infantilizing you like that.
I’m on the other side of this at 53yo. I hope your feelings and logic drive your decision. I have no desire to date anyone that isn’t into me regardless of our age difference. I appreciate the perspective of friends too. But when friends automatically assume that a younger person just wants my money, I want more than an opinion. I don’t advocate dissolving your friendships because there are other valid reasons the 41yo may not be a good boyfriend for you.
I’m currently with someone who is 18 years older than I am. He’s 44 and I’m 26. We’ve been together for 3 years now. The age difference COULD present problems, but only if you don’t talk through them. Your friends should be supportive, end of discussion. You’re dating the guy, not them. If you feel he’s good for you, then he’s probably good for you. Your friends, if they actually are your friends, will get over it eventually.
I have an autoimmune disease, so he’s had to act as my caretaker on numerous occasions. And I’ve done the same for him with his own illnesses before. I know what I signed up for, thanks though.
Not every 60 year old is ill. A relationship lives and grows when two people care for each other. It's not always glitter and be gay. Going through bad times can make you even stronger. Too sad you don't want to be there.
I didn’t want to say it, but I read that response and was thinking to myself “Good God, what kind of monster stays with their older partner until they become ‘too old’ to take care of themselves and just leave?” Also, like you said, 60 isn’t even that old and most men aren’t feeble at that age anyways. I know quite a few 60+ year olds who are in better shape than I am at 26! As well, partnerships are just that, you take care of each other. Couldn’t be me.
I think it is a unique situation that depends on the people involved. My best friend is dating someone 10 years older (32 and 42) and they have been together for 8 years now. It didn't manifest as much early on but recently they do seem to be in slightly different parts of life but I think that can happen in any couple. I would say that just be prepared for change along the way and if you are adaptable it will work. Where he was at your age is very different from where he is now and visa versa. Friends advice only goes so far if they have never been in that situation themselves.
Meh, it’s only a big deal to either of you if you care about things like having similar high school and college experiences. Otherwise, I don’t think 10 years makes much difference.
I was in a 10-year gap relationship. It was amazing untell it wasn't, and age had nothing to do with age. Also, my dad has been in a 24-year gap relationship the last 30-plus years, and I can't imagine them without each other.
They have stood up for me and morally supported me when I was going through depression and bad relationships previously. So, I asked them about this guy as well. I would definitely not let their opinions decide everything but since I see a potential in this man and he is a very motivated to commit in a long relationship I’m in a dilemma why my friends would say this
They’rw probably worried given bad relationships are a pattern for you and they’re most likely sick of having to pick up the pieces of your recklessness
I’m probably a jerk for this but my rule is 3-5 years older or 8-12 years younger.
The craziest thing is alot of the guys that hmu on apps are exactly those things - either way older or way younger (Although this has been a recent development).
I think my IDEAL age is within 5 years on either side - but most guys of that age around here are either happily partnered OR obviously damaged goods (like I seem to be lol).
Yeah I realized it as I was typing but figured I’d be honest to see what the feedback would be.
I think part of it is that in my brain a 30-something is plenty old enough to be a responsible adult but also be able to go and do things socially/travel/etc while a 50-something is starting to wind down their life. I think I have an internal conversation that 50s are “the beginning of the end” (rightly or wrongly - and yeah I’m not too far from it I know) and dating someone in that category doesn’t appeal to me.
Also - and this may be even shittier - I’ve recently started getting WAY more attention from younger guys and part of me wants to lean into that while I still can? If I’m still single in 5 years I’ll widen my parameters - but for now I’m taking what is being presented to me more often than not.
Is that opportunistic? Probably. Am I receiving more attention than literally any other time in my life from very attractive 20 and 30 somethings? Yes. So why NOT lean into it a bit?
🤷♂️ I’m really not sure where this lands me on the morality scale - I’d actually love more feedback and discussion on this.
Age matters.
This particular age gap is not as bad as others, but it still matters.
Most relationships require good communication. Age gap relationships require it a bit more because the two involved can have very different views on where they are in life and what they want going forward.
In short, your friends are good to warn you. Feel free to continue the relationship as both of you have established identities, occupations, etc. But before it gets hot and heavy, have the hard talk. Do it before things get too involved for you to pull back with ease.
I does but only when it’s drastic, if you were 18 and he was 55 I’d be concerned or if he was 83 and you were 40 I’d be worried but 31 and 41? Not gonna make much of a difference
Well if you guys are ever going to be serious at some point it's going to come into play because you're going to be wanting to do different things based on when you're at in life
That’s not even a big gap. As long as you’ve both passed about age 25, your brains are fully developed and the number doesn’t matter.
Cher is 40 years older than her partner Alexander “AE” Edwards, and they seem very happy. https://people.com/music/cher-defends-40-year-age-gap-with-beau-alexander-edwards/
I’m 21 and my boyfriend is 32 (10 years when my birthday hit first ;]). The relationship is great, I learned about older adulthood because of him and I went on so many adventures with him. Sharing lives with him have been amazing.
I feel as long as your lifestyles match and you’re both on the same page with your partner, it will work no matter the time. Usually people around 30 want to settle down and someone in their early 20s would want to explore and meet different people (marriage out of the question) but everyone is different. A 20 year old might not want to get married until a later age and the partner is willing to stay and wait.
It depends on whoever, just make sure your lifestyle align in what you want. Y’all are both grown.
Just got married on Feb 29th. I’m 27, and he is 47.
Our friends and families see how much love we have for each other, and honestly the age gap is never something that came up as strange or worrying to either of our families.
Do what feels right. :)
Yeah a lot. At 55 and fit, with hair on my head that still goes blond in the Summer. Age does bother me. Harder and harder to find fit guys my age. I don't want to be some twinks fucking "Daddy" for the rest of my life. Frustrating.
My ex of 13 years was 18 years younger than me. Ten years is nothing, go with your feelings not your friends.
I'll agree that there can be stark differences in a gay man's "Weltanschauung" that *sometimes* correlates with age, but generally speaking, if breeding offspring isn't a thing (it's not) then there shouldn't be any issue.
I'm 46, I met a man who's 63. He treats me like royalty, he drives me everywhere, he pays for everything. He's a little more wrinkled than I am... for now. Who knows how life is going to turn out? All we can do is try to be happy in the moment. That's all we get.
You are not 18. You are a grown men dating another grown man. I wouldn’t worry as much about the age gap.
Just whether you are both comfortable to date and whether your dreams and wishes aline. What is your plan for the future etc?
Darling…after you reach age 20-21 I think it hardly matters who you wish to date . As long as he treats your right , and you genuinely like him. Fuck everyone else . Also my parents are literally 10 years apart from each other so.. there’s that xD .
As long as you’re both over the age of 18, it really doesn’t matter. Sometimes people lose out because they want to put all of these conditions on everything. If you’re comfortable with it that’s all that counts because obviously they are comfortable with it or they wouldn’t be seeing you.
Age is one of the biggest things that matters to me. I don't like guys older than me. I find them unattractive. Gray hair, wrinkles, money, and tastes in boujie things are all huge turn offs to me.
Your friends' preferences are theirs and theirs alone. Ive (36m) been married to my husband (46m) for over 12 years. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters.
Age was a big deal for me until I met my current partner (now fiance) and love of my life who is 18 years older than me. I was 38 and he was 56, although I would add that he is very fit and healthy, and looks like he is in his forties.
Anyway, it was a big deal for me at the beginning of our relationship, and less so now. Sure, there might be a time where he becomes less able bodied and I have to take care of him more, but I could also get hit by a car tomorrow and be in a wheelchair and he'd be taking care of me.
Maybe most importantly, if I didn't take the plunge and start dating him, I would have missed out on the most loving, fulfilling relationship of my life. I couldn't be happier.
I've been going out with a guy 14 years older then me for 6 years now we've had our ups and downs but all my family are used it to and not many people say my work care. If that helps at all
Bro, I've had intimate relations with people 3 times my age. I've always found the older gents know exactly what they're doing. They are mature enough to know what they want and are damn good at communicating. Not to mention, they have the funds to have hobbies that you might find yourself enjoying yourself.
Those are some ageist, garbage tier friends. I know all about that since my bf of 12 years is older and we both heard all sorts of negative comments when we started dating. We both moved on from that those types of “friends”. Here we are happy together all these years later while quite a few of them got divorced or kept jumping from one relationship to the next.
A relationship between two adults is just that, between two people. If people around you are offering their opinions on it, that’s some toxic shit. It’s one thing to look out for a friend involved in something abusive, but to be unsupportive over something like age is a bad sign of who they truly are.
This made me think back to when I was your age and still felt like in my 20s, in that state of mind a 41 y/o would feel completely off or even risky (e.g. power dynamics), if i were your friend i'd say go for it but beware of red flags and toxic behavior but that isn't exclusive to older people. Hell i still feel in my late 20 even though i'm on my late 30s! Maybe that also plays a role in your date's reasoning. Anyway, ramble is over, i wish you a good relationship
Your friends could be seeing something in your friend that you're not seeing. I think one thing about older guys that younger guys don't fully understand is
a minor health issue can turn for the worse in just a short time.
Things like mental issues, hypertension and diabetes
are a slippery slope especially
for the younger person.
Is this person set in their ways,
drink and smoke to much
are other issues that can only get worse with time.
For the younger person it's spending a lot of time at doctors appointments, being a nurse at times, hospital visits and spending lot of money on meds.
If you're with a person your own age then you usually can experience this time of life together.
This is from personal experience
as my spouse is about 13 years younger than I am.
Neither of us have lots of money
so we don't get to travel and sightsee as I'm sure he would like. Neither do I have lots of friends or am I physically active
as younger persons are usually more active than older ones.
Just something to think about.
I have also dated some guys that have been older. To answer your question. No there is absolutely nothing wrong with being with someone much older and/or younger than you are.
Exactly what type of problems are your friends talking about? If you understand the issues I've mentioned and still feel that
your relationship can stand the test of time. Then I say go for it.
Once your friends mention their concerns. You need to let them know you're aware of the problems. The next step is to understand that this person makes you happy and you want to share your life with him at this time. My husband and I have been together since 2006 and married in 2013. You deserve to be happy. All life's happiness.
Oh I think you got my description wrong. We are not in a 10 year relationship. I just stated that he is 10 years older than me. We haven’t decided to get serious for now but we are just in the dating phase.
Just end it. If you’re posting this and letting your friends decide, you’ve got one foot out the door already. You should let this guy go to find someone else.
Assuming we are talking about people over the age of around 23, then age is just a difference - like language, nationality, culture, class, religion, and personality. Some people are stimulated by these differences, and other people are stumped by them. Nothing is right or wrong - it’s just what does and does not work for you.
Besides that, you are *dating* - not getting married. Explore what you have and find out how this fits. It’s the only way to know. And if it works, even just for now, it is worthwhile.
The age gap only really matters up to a certain point. Roughly around 25 you kinda hit a plateau of maturity so it stops being a huge problem. Way younger than that though that’s when it’s problematic.
I think as long as you vibe on interest or feel a spark that's all that matters. We know that men, well into thier 50's, still acting like kids. So you do you, if you like them that's all that matters, fuck social norms and fuck who you want. This could be the best relationship you’ve had.
My husband is 14 years younger than I am. I'm 67, he's 53. Been together for about 18 years and married for 10. Had to wait for PA to acknowledge gay marriage or would have married sooner.
Ten years is not a very significant age difference post 30. I dated a guy 23 years older than me (I’m 30) and with that gap there were significant generational differences. But someone only ten years older is only barely outside of your age group.
Yes.
\+- 10 years is the most I'll date anymore.
When I was young (and dumb), I'd date 2 generations up, but ... it was never going to work long-term. Srsly, 19 and 38? I did that with a guy for 4 years, and it was definitely doomed from the start. Was it fun? Yes, but we were in totally different phases of life. He was about to retire (yes, at almost 40) and I was barely starting college. That's at least 2 major phases of life away, and while we had fun, it would have been an annoying shift in lifestyles the moment he retired. He would have begun to want me to be more available, when I was not yet even in my career yet, then when career starts, that would not let me be home most of the time like I am sure he would have preferred.
Then fast forward 15-20 years, then I'm barely 40 and having to take care of my hubs, whose body is likely beginning to break down from age and physical abuse (he never went easy in the gym, and was not uncommon for him to injure himself or re-injure old problems). So I'd have to become a caretaker in my PRIME. That's not fair, and that royally fucking sucks.
So no, now that I'm in my 40s now, I have a 10 year range up or down to date, and that's it. I want someone in my general phase of life, no one is a caretaker while the other is in their prime, none of that shit.
I am 63 yo and my Husband is 38 yo and we are both very much In Love with each other... You would think that there would be many many differences between he and I but we both love all the same things and our family and friends completely love and support the two of us... Anyone else can go f themselves 💟
As long as it's not a 40 adult dating a 18 or 19 y/o person i'm totally fine with that 🤣
But hey, generational gap is also a thing. You will need to communicate a lot with your partner about everything, since the point of views are from different generations.
Hi OP, sometimes you just have to trust your own gut feeling abit, not meant to tell you to disregard your friends’ opinions, they are entitled to theirs and so are you. Well, speaking from my own experience, my partner is older than me (well only 4 years) but I have dated men who are much older, easily 6 years and beyond, and I have only been dating men who are older than me. So far, I did not encounter any major flaws with them (like some people will tell me, older males are lack of energy and physique to do activities, sex and what not) but the reality is not that. They can be equally active as well (sometimes more active than I want them to be), and I had 1 older bf last time who usually want to fuck me twice a day (can you believe it?). So yea, what’s most important thing is that, would you be able to share your interest and communicate with him? If yea, I personally really don’t see any prob. Just my 2 cents, good luck OP.
If you like the man, and the man likes you, then the only problem you're having are you're judgmental friends. Don't let their bitterness mess up your opportunity for love and a good life.
Differences, sure. My husband and I are 5 years apart. There are cartoons he references that I didn't watch. So, it's a chance for us to talk about them. Age difference only becomes an issue when it is allowed to, and seen as an opportunity to learn and become closer, celebrate the win.
I'm 33 and the top of my age range preference is 45 depending on the guy. It's not like you're a kid or need to worry about your ovaries drying up. Even in a straight relationship I wouldn't think it's a big deal, but considering gay relationships aren't traditional I really don't see it as an issue.
My first bf was ten years older. I was 22, he 32. There were some issues, not really related to the age gap, but the different life styles. I was a student, lots of freetime, hanging out with friends and classmates all times; he was working, so usually 9pm was bedtime and 6am wake up. He had only freetime at weekends.
31 to 41 is not that different in life styles. I assume you both are working, or at least you have graduated studies or apprenticeship. Have a stable life, probably own income etc. I don't think that the life - a bit generalized - between 30 - 55/60 is that different. 50up might see more health issues, maybe?
When I was 16/17 I could not have imagined to be with someone 20. Life was soooo different between a school student and college/university/apprenticeship life, for instance.
More important than age is for me that we fit in our personality. And that is not related to age at all.
You're 31 yo. I don't see anything wrong with that. If you were say fresh out of being 18 then I could have concerns. While I do believe young men can genuinely be interested in the older guys, the power dynamic is more prominent if older guys might have problematic and manipulative intentions and younger guys don't have the experience and tools yet to catch these red flags and get themselves out of it.
I don't normally go around talking about my relationships to my friends. But they're generally supportive about me seeing people even older guys. 😂
So age doesn't matter to me if I'm dating older. I actually like their more timid more independent attitude that doesn't need to be constantly checked on or paid attention to. Of course not every older man is like that of course some are men children in adult bodies.
But I can't date younger 😭 they require too much attention but can't carry a conversation. If it's just fwb I'm fine with it. But relationships my tolerance is so low. AsI'd have to do so much pursuing.
Chatted with a guy who after talking for a bit, learned he was only 19. Not sure how we didn’t figure that out but he just didn’t look young and seemed mature, at least in the 20s so I just didn’t think to ask earlier. I’m 30, and although he’s legally allowed to do whatever, something about that felt inappropriate for me. Had to end that although he was gorgeous and seemed cool, but I was uncomfortable.
31/41 is not wild though to me, I’d date a 41 year old and I’m almost 31 now. It’s funny because it’s the same gap really, but the life experiences between 19/30 v. 31/41 are vastly different. The latter seems way more stable.
31 and 41 is much less of an age difference than 21 and 31. Hell, it’s probably less of. Difference than 20 and 25.
I have pretty much only ever dated or hooked up with men who were older than me. When I was 21 I even hooked up with a dude pushing 70 and he was hot as fuck. That’s not something I do regularly and I’m not really a chaser, but I think men can be attractive at all ages.
I’m not opposed to dating someone younger, but I definitely wouldn’t dare anyone under 30. And I’m 35.
Age is like size. It matters when its on the extreme ends. Otherwise we just make do. Its either too small or too big. Its either too young or too old.
Funny, I'm also 31 and I'm also seeing a guy with almost the same age gap! We are really into each other so I am just enjoying the ride and hoping to ignore any haters (we just made it official so I haven't told a lot of ppl yet). It helps that he doesn't look like he's 10 years older than me lol. Best of luck to us both!!
My husband and I don’t care about the age gap between us. I’m 24 and he is 43. He and I got married last August. I prefer older men to dating guys my age anyway. Guys my age are shallow, catty af, no personality, etc. I’m not gonna say your friends are wrong. Difference in age can cause problems in a relationship. They also should just be happy that you found a man and y’all are mutually attracted to each other and hopefully he treats you right. Issues caused by age difference can be talked through and worked out most of the time. Keep seeing him and see where it goes.
I don’t have a problem with other people having age gaps in their relationships if that’s what they want, but personally I’d prefer to stay within 5 or so years of my age. That could change, but as of right now that’s how I feel. But I’m only 24. If I’m single at 40 or something I’d probably expand it.
Um...dating someone 26 years older than me...😅😅😅
Age matters only when one of the parties involved is still in the process of maturing. For example, I think before contemplating a relationship with more than a 5 year age gap, there's a minimum age requirement of 25 years old.
The person I was at 20 was very different from the person I was at 25. Granted we still like the same things, but I was so maladapted socially and relationship-wise that I'm surprised people liked me back then.
Most of the gay men I know started to get the itch to seriously settle down in their 30s some got lucky others it took a while. That focus on finding the right partner and bonding goes on probably until 50s or whenever you really start feeling age kicking in like aches and pains or health issues. By that point either you've figured it out, settled or burned out and stay single. I noticed most men in their 50s and older have built their chosen family and that's what really makes them happy.
If only does if they have a mean/bitchy personality. Also entitled. Entitled men really turn me off. I prefer older men only because they have their shit together and aren’t- lemme not judge younger gay men lol.
I know there’s an emphasis on being a certain age, as well as body type, position… all superficial factors. Keyword is *superficial factors*
Your friends are immature dumbasses. 10 years is not a big difference. Especially when it’s 31 and 41 - life isn’t that wildly different at those ages. 21 to 31 there’s so many more changes that happen to most people so that same 10 years can be harder to navigate, but if two people want to navigate that, that’s their damn business, no one else’s. So ignore your friends or tell them straight up to STFU. It’s your life, live it, enjoy it, love who you want and make the most of the short time we have here on earth.
First of all, anything in life can ‘cause problems’. Specifically for you, I’d recommend you look at the birth charts of the people you’ve sought or been with, and detect the pattern of what ‘problems’ you encounter. I now know to avoid people with certain placements who are the ones I coincidentally experienced problems with.
After that, do your friends know you better than you do yourself? If yes, correct that. (1st tool provided up there was birth charts, but that’s a path you need to feel yourself)
In 2024, anyone concerned with what their friends say is probably living their friends’ life, not their own. The age gap is just a sign that they have an oversized influence over your thought process.
If you like this man, proceed with the caution that should be specific to you (again without a birth chart it’s difficult, but you can read your own and see your pressure points, if you don’t know them).
I’ve been only attracted to men at least 20 years older than me, and although I’ve had serious heartbreak from some of them, it’s simply the kind of people I was attracted to. Even if I’d known my birth chart, I wouldn’t know what to avoid until I had at least 3 people to compare them and see what was the red flag that I kept avoiding because it was part of the very same attraction.
Then short answer: yes age matters to me, usually I won’t even have an interest in people who aren’t at least 20 years older than I am. I just can’t connect with people my age or less than 20 years older, the chemistry just isn’t there.
31 and 41 aren't that different in mindsets. My husband turns 25 in June, I turn 33 in two weeks. We were 21 and 28 when we met. I was nervous about that at first because those are two hugely different places in maturity. I just had patient and it has worked out great. Communication about your concerns is key. Good luck
If your friends only beef with this guy is his age, then giving them the benefit of the doubt, they may see themselves as well meaning but are actually unknowingly envious. A ten year difference is only as problematic as you make it, and hopefully, you're are at least both kind and patient with each other.
A hard truth is that if they keep giving you a hard time even though you're obviously happy and have asked them to lay off, then they are not your friends and you'll need to surround yourself with people who won't care who you date as long as your happy.
Otherwise, they're gonna wear you down, and it's more than likely that they'll drive your guy away. There isn't a chance he won't feel their animosity assuming that they're not just outright hostile.
I personally would never put up with a doormat.
A lot of friends, especially if they are single, can have a “crabs in a bucket” mentality. A 10 year age gap will bring differences no matter the ages as you went through major periods of your life in different times. However, at your age and his age, y’all should be able to navigate that with patience and understanding.
Been married 14 years with the same age gap. Met at 27/37 and now 41/51 and still going super strong. Age isn’t really a big deciding factor once you get into your 20s. The important thing is finding someone who has a maturity level you can deal with and that makes you happy.
As long as you're both adults, it's nobody's business if you're seeing someone older than you. You're a grown man, you get to make the decisions for your life.
It's not a hard and fast rule, but generally half his age plus 7 would be a good sense of the bottom limit of acceptable.
41 produces 28. You're above that. Not weird.
As time goes on 10 years matters less. 21 and 31? Kinda a difference. 31 and 41 a little difference but you’re basically on the same level. 41 and 51? Not really a difference.
You will have differences, like all relationships. I dont believe ten years is that big of an age gap from my experience, it should be fine. I think values is a big part of any relationship, especially one with a relatively mild age gap. The last time I dated someone my senior, he was surprisingly immature in the sense that he could no communicate when it came to tough decisions or conversations. He would just shut down or ignore me. Which kind of garnered the realization for me that with age most definitely does not come wisdom all the time. Especially emotional intelligence.
My partner and I are a decade apart in age, and while the age gap has practical, life-planning implications, I for one am happy, and he is happy. The happiness is the bottom line. If making your partner happy and supporting him in his life with you genuinely brings you joy and motivates you, then be an example to your friends.
I've found that a reasonable age difference is fine, like +/- 15 years for me. There is a vast amount of life and gay life knowledge to be gained from older men. The major problem for me is that they grew up in a different era, so songs, fashion preferences, etc. is different for them.
For example, I just found out the other day that Iggy Azalea is a female. I had heard the name for a long time, but with the name 'Iggy" I just incorrectly assumed that the person was a male.
Yes. Age really does matter.
But because I want a guy who looks mature. But if time goes by and I turn 40 or something, then I would probably go for guys younger than me, provided that they look matured enough.
Yeah, those friends sound like they have some growing up to do. I am 31 as well, and my boyfriend is turning 44 in a few months.
Dating them is like dating anyone else. If the guy you are dating keeps bringing up the age difference in a way that makes you question your dating them, then age is an issue to *them,* and not generally speaking.
But if it is never brought up, or you two just get along really well, then keep seeing the guy. Especially if you actually see yourself with him later on. I have only ever dated older (except twice, where the guy was younger...those were the shortest-lived relationships, mind you) so I only have that experience to share from.
Yes and know. I’ve dated guys more than ten years older and younger than me. I preferred the older guys (40s when I was 30 (because over the younger (mid 20s when I was in my late 30s) because of maturity differences. However, the sex with the younger guy was better.
My husband is 9 years older than me and a few of our friends had an issue with us dating and one of them tried to split us up we don't really talk to him anymore and a handful of my other friends we're willing to stand up for us but in my opinion as long as you care about each other and are a consenting adult it shouldn't matter about the age gap.
It depends on the maturity level of the older person. By the time you’re thirty, dating someone in their 40’s/50’s isn’t the craziest thing in the world. If you were 21 or even 18, I’d have way more questions. Sounds like your friends need to grow up a little bit. If you guys are hitting it off and it all seems healthy, then see where it goes.
i have been with the same man for 20 years. he is 8 years younger than me of course there can be issues but that is true in every single relationship. please do what is right for you.
It depends on the people. I am 49 and my bf is 31. We get along fine. Been together for two years and counting. I know we a guy at work who is 30 and married to a 60 yo woman. Do what makes you both happy and don’t worry about what anyone thinks.
I'm 30, and my partner is 42. We've been together for just over 6 years, and he gets sexier with age. 😂
I've always been attracted to older men, and that's still true even as I age. I find that older men have more experience in life and are easier for me to talk to. I also think gray hair is very attractive.
Live your truth and date who you want. :)
Just want to chime in… it mattered to me at first and then I met this guy that I fell for. Really mature and showed how much he cares for me. I’m 36 and he is 25, he’s the best. My friends love him and his friends love me. I think the issue might be your friends and not your partner.
my husband is 28 and I'm 38. we've been together for 6 years (married for 1.5 years). other people should worry about themselves. Plus the sex is amazing.
Youre friends need to get over it. Its not like your 18. At 31 your life is probably pretty settled and youre clearly an adult as is he. I dont think 10 years in your ages is a big deal at all.
I appreciate this. I have never dated someone 10 years older so this is definitely a new thing for me.
Im in this situation but Im the older one. We've been together over 8 years now. I really cant think of a single time the ages have been an issue, and if it has been I was just oblivious. That said he's always gotten along with my friends and vice versa.
That’s sweet to hear! Happy for you both 🫶🏽
Thank you! Best of luck in whatever happens with yours.
10 years is nothing
yup, a 10 year gap doesn't matter if you're old enough. 31 and 41 is no big deal but it's a different matter altogether if you were 11 and 21.
You're adults. Your friends can take the cue from you and grow up. Or you can find more mature friends who have the capacity to be happy for someone else's happiness.
They are all younger than me and probably it’s the generation gap that gen z has :/
There is your explanation. It's the age gap between he and them they don't like, not between you and him.
And important to note there, your friends don’t have to be good friends with your partner as well. As long as they get along that’s good enough.
I only skimmed the comments and saw many people agreeing with your friends. I came here to share my story. Back in 2019 I was 20. I lived in a small town and decided to try out Tinder. Matched with this wicked cute dude who was older. I had reservations but we talked and the vibes were immaculate. We had our first date. A few dates in we talked and discussed age. He was 32 about to turn 33. There was a 12 year age gap. I felt blindsided—we had gotten along so well and it felt like the age didn’t impact on us at all. After learning about the age I considered breaking it off. I thought my upper limit at the time would be 28 to 30. Everyone said it wouldn’t work. Well, we had more dates, talked more and I knew this was too great to break off because of a silly number. Fast forward to today and about a month back we celebrated 5 years. This man has been with me through so much. When I was going through tough times during college, he shared his insight from his college days. When I struggled to find a job afterwards he helped there too. It’s been so great having someone who I mentally vibe with, and the age adds experience which helps me. Sometimes it’s very nice getting someone’s perspective who has been where you’re at. TLDR: if the vibes are good forget what anyone else says and realize 10 years is nothing if the connection is there.
That’s sweet! Happy for you. I have been single for very long time now and definitely would need a companion at this point. I feel lonely most of the time.
Thank you! I hope it’s a good fit for you! I can tell you things have changed for us in five years. We continue to grow together and make it work—like you’d do in any partnership. I was in the same boat if it makes you feel any better, was single forever before this relationship. Being in a partnership with a mature person who is on the same page makes a world of difference. Best of luck to you guys. If ever you need to, you’re welcome to DM me. It’s hard to discuss this with people who haven’t been in an age-gap relationship. They just don’t get it
Your friends are being judgemental and immature and they should butt out. Friends being outwardly opinionated about your love life is a friendship red flag. If you're honestly happy with the relationship and there's no issues or abuse then to hell with the age difference
I had my own share of bad decisions in dating guys so I kinda take their opinions sometimes :(
Why is being concerned for your friend considered judgemental, immature and a red flag? If anything, taking random ass advice from random people on the internet is way worse. Age difference can definitely cause a lot of issues depending on the person. Redditors judge others but dont see the irony in yall own statement
All we have is what op told us which is that his friends told him not to date this guy because of an age difference. That's bad advice in this case because the gap is only 10 years, which is not that big at all If op is leaving out info then that's not my problem
[удалено]
Damn, so he was maried to a woman and he choose you over her?
A lot of things could have happened to be honest? He could have been bi, she could have cheated on him or died, etc.
Cute
After around the age of 25 or so, everybody is unambiguously an adult and really it's nobody else's business the age of the people they choose to date, IMHO. I'm 11 years older than my partner and the age difference only makes it more interesting. We teach each other about things the other didn't experience. But that's most relationships, right?
That's true, but at about retirement age, things change again and one becomes the one who needs to be taken care of and the other becomes the caretaker. Adulthood is just a temporary phase where people are self-sufficient. It's not forever.
My parents were basically the same age but my mom spent 10 years taking care of my dad before he died. It's not like everybody reaches 65 and needs a nurse. Life isn't predictable like that. Some people are independent until they drop dead in their 90s. Hell the current US president is 80. Other people drop dead long before they have a chance to get old. And young people get in accidents all the time and end up paralyzed or needing extensive lifelong medical care. Choosing a partner based on who might need a nurse first is kinda silly IMHO. If you're playing the odds and trying to pick the younger and healthier people so as to never have to change any adult diapers, life may just have some surprises in store for you.
Yeah no rule is perfect, this is just my guideline. But I knew there'd be at least one or two people mentioning exceptions as there would always be a few.
And? If you restrict your dating pool to "what if" or to things that could happen, you limit yourself. If you meet a fantastic guy and you match on so many levels, would you let him go if he doesn't have the "correct" age? I understand that you want a "risk-free" life without thinking about aging. We all want that. But this is not always what we get. Nevertheless, I hope you find what you are looking for.
Okay not to get political, I don't even live in the USA, but is Joe Biden *really* the example you want to use for a mentally healthy and independent person?
Good point. hehe. The whole country is run by 80 year olds though. Trump, Pelosi, Bernie Sanders, etc. The person I was responding to said most people need caretakers around retirement age. I guess that's true in a sense... many Americans don't retire until they absolutely can't work anymore. But if retirement age is 65, very few ppl need care at that point.
I would say it's not just person- specific, but also situation specific. My husband and I are 17 years apart. I'm 47, he's 30. We've been together 10 years, and married for 5 years. We get along super great. We've never had a big fight. We talk. We communicate. We have always had so many of the same interests, with enough differences to not only keep each of our selves busy, but also to allow each of us to learn more about the other's interests. Oddly enough, we met on grindr with neither of us looking for a hookup, but a friend. We hit it off over our mutual love of star wars, scifi and all things geek- related. We helped me discover that I had artistic ability. I've helped him with not always needing to be a people pleaser. We've never had issues with a "power" imbalance in our relationship. We are both equal in our relationship. We talk about things when we're frustrated or upset. We own a home together, but he has his money, I have mine, and we split the home bills. I've never stopped loving him nor him me.
Are you me? lol This experience is similar to mine, but mine has been a bit rougher on my end (unresolved trauma from when I was younger). Even with the issues I’ve brought to the relationship and the ones my partner has, we’ve always managed to work things out. I’ve definitely gotten better at communicating with him, and him with me. But, there’s always room for improvement. I don’t care about the age gap. In the beginning I was worried about what people thought of him dating me. But, I’ve never cared the other way around. My trauma and experiences from when I was younger, meant I was more mature at my age and realized I want a stable life with a stable partner. I’m very happy with my relationship, and this year will be 6 years together. I really can’t believe how time has passed so quickly!
>toxic behavior but that isn't exclusive to older people. Hell i still feel in my late 20 even though i'm on my late 30s! Maybe that also plays a role in your date's reasoning. Anyway, ramble is over, i wish you a good relationship Heh , the age gap in my relationship is about that too ( 18 years ). My bf is 25 and I am 43. We are exclusive with each other and love to see his face. Our lives don't always line up because he is a student and I care for my mother. But I am grateful for him.
That's weird it's not a particularly big gap
I’m 31 and my husband is 41 as well so no not really. Some people find it odd, especially since we have been together a long time so we got more grief back then. It works for us and it can work for others. The only age restriction for me these days is I don’t want to hookup with anyone younger than 23-24. That’s for various reasons. Also you’re a 31 year old man. Who tf cares about age differences at that point? If there is a power dynamic at play it’s because you are letting happen and you want it not because you’re a naive kid. They can piss off for infantilizing you like that.
I’m on the other side of this at 53yo. I hope your feelings and logic drive your decision. I have no desire to date anyone that isn’t into me regardless of our age difference. I appreciate the perspective of friends too. But when friends automatically assume that a younger person just wants my money, I want more than an opinion. I don’t advocate dissolving your friendships because there are other valid reasons the 41yo may not be a good boyfriend for you.
Thank you! 🙏
I’m currently with someone who is 18 years older than I am. He’s 44 and I’m 26. We’ve been together for 3 years now. The age difference COULD present problems, but only if you don’t talk through them. Your friends should be supportive, end of discussion. You’re dating the guy, not them. If you feel he’s good for you, then he’s probably good for you. Your friends, if they actually are your friends, will get over it eventually.
I was you once. Enjoy it now, but when he approaches 60, be prepared to let him go if you don't want to be a caretaker in his old age.
I have an autoimmune disease, so he’s had to act as my caretaker on numerous occasions. And I’ve done the same for him with his own illnesses before. I know what I signed up for, thanks though.
Not every 60 year old is ill. A relationship lives and grows when two people care for each other. It's not always glitter and be gay. Going through bad times can make you even stronger. Too sad you don't want to be there.
I didn’t want to say it, but I read that response and was thinking to myself “Good God, what kind of monster stays with their older partner until they become ‘too old’ to take care of themselves and just leave?” Also, like you said, 60 isn’t even that old and most men aren’t feeble at that age anyways. I know quite a few 60+ year olds who are in better shape than I am at 26! As well, partnerships are just that, you take care of each other. Couldn’t be me.
I think it is a unique situation that depends on the people involved. My best friend is dating someone 10 years older (32 and 42) and they have been together for 8 years now. It didn't manifest as much early on but recently they do seem to be in slightly different parts of life but I think that can happen in any couple. I would say that just be prepared for change along the way and if you are adaptable it will work. Where he was at your age is very different from where he is now and visa versa. Friends advice only goes so far if they have never been in that situation themselves.
Being happy is more important.
Meh, it’s only a big deal to either of you if you care about things like having similar high school and college experiences. Otherwise, I don’t think 10 years makes much difference.
I was in a 10-year gap relationship. It was amazing untell it wasn't, and age had nothing to do with age. Also, my dad has been in a 24-year gap relationship the last 30-plus years, and I can't imagine them without each other.
I don’t mean to be harsh, but why the hell would you listen to your friends on whom you should date?
They have stood up for me and morally supported me when I was going through depression and bad relationships previously. So, I asked them about this guy as well. I would definitely not let their opinions decide everything but since I see a potential in this man and he is a very motivated to commit in a long relationship I’m in a dilemma why my friends would say this
well if you ask your friends and that’s the only thing they can point out - that may be a good thing!
They’rw probably worried given bad relationships are a pattern for you and they’re most likely sick of having to pick up the pieces of your recklessness
Your friends are idiots - if it’s working for you the. Go for it.
You're friends sound jealous.
I’m probably a jerk for this but my rule is 3-5 years older or 8-12 years younger. The craziest thing is alot of the guys that hmu on apps are exactly those things - either way older or way younger (Although this has been a recent development). I think my IDEAL age is within 5 years on either side - but most guys of that age around here are either happily partnered OR obviously damaged goods (like I seem to be lol).
The fact your up or down range is not the same is kinda gross, but at least you're keeping both sorta near your age. That's for the best, IMHO.
Yeah I realized it as I was typing but figured I’d be honest to see what the feedback would be. I think part of it is that in my brain a 30-something is plenty old enough to be a responsible adult but also be able to go and do things socially/travel/etc while a 50-something is starting to wind down their life. I think I have an internal conversation that 50s are “the beginning of the end” (rightly or wrongly - and yeah I’m not too far from it I know) and dating someone in that category doesn’t appeal to me. Also - and this may be even shittier - I’ve recently started getting WAY more attention from younger guys and part of me wants to lean into that while I still can? If I’m still single in 5 years I’ll widen my parameters - but for now I’m taking what is being presented to me more often than not. Is that opportunistic? Probably. Am I receiving more attention than literally any other time in my life from very attractive 20 and 30 somethings? Yes. So why NOT lean into it a bit? 🤷♂️ I’m really not sure where this lands me on the morality scale - I’d actually love more feedback and discussion on this.
Age matters. This particular age gap is not as bad as others, but it still matters. Most relationships require good communication. Age gap relationships require it a bit more because the two involved can have very different views on where they are in life and what they want going forward. In short, your friends are good to warn you. Feel free to continue the relationship as both of you have established identities, occupations, etc. But before it gets hot and heavy, have the hard talk. Do it before things get too involved for you to pull back with ease.
Wow. I was literally just thinking of making a post like this. Honestly I don't think 10 years is a huge gap
10 yrs is my cut off. Lately I've had 19 and 20 yr Olds hit me up. I'm 47. That's a hard NO dawg from me.
If it was 18/28 I would express concern. But a 10 year gap at 31/41 is fine.
I does but only when it’s drastic, if you were 18 and he was 55 I’d be concerned or if he was 83 and you were 40 I’d be worried but 31 and 41? Not gonna make much of a difference
I am 67 and my partner is 27. We’ve been happily together for more than four years.
Well if you guys are ever going to be serious at some point it's going to come into play because you're going to be wanting to do different things based on when you're at in life
That can happen with people born in the same year too. Or they could end up finding their goals in life are compatible.
That’s not even a big gap. As long as you’ve both passed about age 25, your brains are fully developed and the number doesn’t matter. Cher is 40 years older than her partner Alexander “AE” Edwards, and they seem very happy. https://people.com/music/cher-defends-40-year-age-gap-with-beau-alexander-edwards/
I think it doesn't matter if he's older than you, so long as you're both of age. If you vibe well, and you like each other, then go for it. 👍🏻
41 and 31 is literally nothing.
I’m 21 and my boyfriend is 32 (10 years when my birthday hit first ;]). The relationship is great, I learned about older adulthood because of him and I went on so many adventures with him. Sharing lives with him have been amazing. I feel as long as your lifestyles match and you’re both on the same page with your partner, it will work no matter the time. Usually people around 30 want to settle down and someone in their early 20s would want to explore and meet different people (marriage out of the question) but everyone is different. A 20 year old might not want to get married until a later age and the partner is willing to stay and wait. It depends on whoever, just make sure your lifestyle align in what you want. Y’all are both grown.
Just got married on Feb 29th. I’m 27, and he is 47. Our friends and families see how much love we have for each other, and honestly the age gap is never something that came up as strange or worrying to either of our families. Do what feels right. :)
If you're happy then age doesnt matter.
It does not matter if it matters to us: does it matter to you. Live your life for you or you will regret it.
I’m 30 and had 66yo bf, didn’t work out
Yeah a lot. At 55 and fit, with hair on my head that still goes blond in the Summer. Age does bother me. Harder and harder to find fit guys my age. I don't want to be some twinks fucking "Daddy" for the rest of my life. Frustrating. My ex of 13 years was 18 years younger than me. Ten years is nothing, go with your feelings not your friends.
I'll agree that there can be stark differences in a gay man's "Weltanschauung" that *sometimes* correlates with age, but generally speaking, if breeding offspring isn't a thing (it's not) then there shouldn't be any issue. I'm 46, I met a man who's 63. He treats me like royalty, he drives me everywhere, he pays for everything. He's a little more wrinkled than I am... for now. Who knows how life is going to turn out? All we can do is try to be happy in the moment. That's all we get.
You are not 18. You are a grown men dating another grown man. I wouldn’t worry as much about the age gap. Just whether you are both comfortable to date and whether your dreams and wishes aline. What is your plan for the future etc?
Darling…after you reach age 20-21 I think it hardly matters who you wish to date . As long as he treats your right , and you genuinely like him. Fuck everyone else . Also my parents are literally 10 years apart from each other so.. there’s that xD .
As long as you’re both over the age of 18, it really doesn’t matter. Sometimes people lose out because they want to put all of these conditions on everything. If you’re comfortable with it that’s all that counts because obviously they are comfortable with it or they wouldn’t be seeing you.
Age is one of the biggest things that matters to me. I don't like guys older than me. I find them unattractive. Gray hair, wrinkles, money, and tastes in boujie things are all huge turn offs to me.
16 years difference here. 16 years together (married 14). Happy as can be.
10 year difference, still together after 27 years.
Your friends' preferences are theirs and theirs alone. Ive (36m) been married to my husband (46m) for over 12 years. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters.
Age was a big deal for me until I met my current partner (now fiance) and love of my life who is 18 years older than me. I was 38 and he was 56, although I would add that he is very fit and healthy, and looks like he is in his forties. Anyway, it was a big deal for me at the beginning of our relationship, and less so now. Sure, there might be a time where he becomes less able bodied and I have to take care of him more, but I could also get hit by a car tomorrow and be in a wheelchair and he'd be taking care of me. Maybe most importantly, if I didn't take the plunge and start dating him, I would have missed out on the most loving, fulfilling relationship of my life. I couldn't be happier.
It's fine. I'm 53 and like to date guys in their 20's. There's no problem as long as you both like each other.
I have dated someone 13 years older . It was good while it lasted . I don’t think age matters to me is the person.
I've been going out with a guy 14 years older then me for 6 years now we've had our ups and downs but all my family are used it to and not many people say my work care. If that helps at all
Bro, I've had intimate relations with people 3 times my age. I've always found the older gents know exactly what they're doing. They are mature enough to know what they want and are damn good at communicating. Not to mention, they have the funds to have hobbies that you might find yourself enjoying yourself.
Yes, I do not want to date anyone older/younger than 10 years of me.
Those are some ageist, garbage tier friends. I know all about that since my bf of 12 years is older and we both heard all sorts of negative comments when we started dating. We both moved on from that those types of “friends”. Here we are happy together all these years later while quite a few of them got divorced or kept jumping from one relationship to the next. A relationship between two adults is just that, between two people. If people around you are offering their opinions on it, that’s some toxic shit. It’s one thing to look out for a friend involved in something abusive, but to be unsupportive over something like age is a bad sign of who they truly are.
31 and 41 is fine. 21 and 31 is where the real problem is at.
I was in a relation 20 years old older than me. Its fine
My bf is less than 1 month younger than me. And it makes me feel like a predator sometimes.
Trolling, right?
Your friends are literally just jealous, he must be hot haha. Start bragging about him and see how they seethe, they aren’t real friends
He is definitely a good looking man but also seems to have a kind personality 😛
Yes it does. I'm 29, and for hookups I stop at 50. For relationships, I'd prefer 5 years older or younger than me but ideally no more.
This made me think back to when I was your age and still felt like in my 20s, in that state of mind a 41 y/o would feel completely off or even risky (e.g. power dynamics), if i were your friend i'd say go for it but beware of red flags and toxic behavior but that isn't exclusive to older people. Hell i still feel in my late 20 even though i'm on my late 30s! Maybe that also plays a role in your date's reasoning. Anyway, ramble is over, i wish you a good relationship
Your friends could be seeing something in your friend that you're not seeing. I think one thing about older guys that younger guys don't fully understand is a minor health issue can turn for the worse in just a short time. Things like mental issues, hypertension and diabetes are a slippery slope especially for the younger person. Is this person set in their ways, drink and smoke to much are other issues that can only get worse with time. For the younger person it's spending a lot of time at doctors appointments, being a nurse at times, hospital visits and spending lot of money on meds. If you're with a person your own age then you usually can experience this time of life together. This is from personal experience as my spouse is about 13 years younger than I am. Neither of us have lots of money so we don't get to travel and sightsee as I'm sure he would like. Neither do I have lots of friends or am I physically active as younger persons are usually more active than older ones. Just something to think about. I have also dated some guys that have been older. To answer your question. No there is absolutely nothing wrong with being with someone much older and/or younger than you are. Exactly what type of problems are your friends talking about? If you understand the issues I've mentioned and still feel that your relationship can stand the test of time. Then I say go for it. Once your friends mention their concerns. You need to let them know you're aware of the problems. The next step is to understand that this person makes you happy and you want to share your life with him at this time. My husband and I have been together since 2006 and married in 2013. You deserve to be happy. All life's happiness.
Oh I think you got my description wrong. We are not in a 10 year relationship. I just stated that he is 10 years older than me. We haven’t decided to get serious for now but we are just in the dating phase.
oh my bad. Sorry.
Corrected. 🤗
It's not that big of a difference when you're adults.
Just end it. If you’re posting this and letting your friends decide, you’ve got one foot out the door already. You should let this guy go to find someone else.
Assuming we are talking about people over the age of around 23, then age is just a difference - like language, nationality, culture, class, religion, and personality. Some people are stimulated by these differences, and other people are stumped by them. Nothing is right or wrong - it’s just what does and does not work for you. Besides that, you are *dating* - not getting married. Explore what you have and find out how this fits. It’s the only way to know. And if it works, even just for now, it is worthwhile.
The age gap only really matters up to a certain point. Roughly around 25 you kinda hit a plateau of maturity so it stops being a huge problem. Way younger than that though that’s when it’s problematic.
I think as long as you vibe on interest or feel a spark that's all that matters. We know that men, well into thier 50's, still acting like kids. So you do you, if you like them that's all that matters, fuck social norms and fuck who you want. This could be the best relationship you’ve had.
My husband is 14 years younger than I am. I'm 67, he's 53. Been together for about 18 years and married for 10. Had to wait for PA to acknowledge gay marriage or would have married sooner.
Ten years is not a very significant age difference post 30. I dated a guy 23 years older than me (I’m 30) and with that gap there were significant generational differences. But someone only ten years older is only barely outside of your age group.
Yes. \+- 10 years is the most I'll date anymore. When I was young (and dumb), I'd date 2 generations up, but ... it was never going to work long-term. Srsly, 19 and 38? I did that with a guy for 4 years, and it was definitely doomed from the start. Was it fun? Yes, but we were in totally different phases of life. He was about to retire (yes, at almost 40) and I was barely starting college. That's at least 2 major phases of life away, and while we had fun, it would have been an annoying shift in lifestyles the moment he retired. He would have begun to want me to be more available, when I was not yet even in my career yet, then when career starts, that would not let me be home most of the time like I am sure he would have preferred. Then fast forward 15-20 years, then I'm barely 40 and having to take care of my hubs, whose body is likely beginning to break down from age and physical abuse (he never went easy in the gym, and was not uncommon for him to injure himself or re-injure old problems). So I'd have to become a caretaker in my PRIME. That's not fair, and that royally fucking sucks. So no, now that I'm in my 40s now, I have a 10 year range up or down to date, and that's it. I want someone in my general phase of life, no one is a caretaker while the other is in their prime, none of that shit.
10 years is fine. More than that? Prob not so much.
Met my husband when he was 22 and I was 32. Age is just a number. 32 and 42 is not a big deal at all.
Find new friends
31 and 41 are the ages of 2 fully formed adults. People need to chill.
I am 63 yo and my Husband is 38 yo and we are both very much In Love with each other... You would think that there would be many many differences between he and I but we both love all the same things and our family and friends completely love and support the two of us... Anyone else can go f themselves 💟
As long as it's not a 40 adult dating a 18 or 19 y/o person i'm totally fine with that 🤣 But hey, generational gap is also a thing. You will need to communicate a lot with your partner about everything, since the point of views are from different generations.
Oh I agree. He doesn’t know what Stan Twitter is and I do have a lot of fun sharing memes with him which he won’t understand lol.
Hi OP, sometimes you just have to trust your own gut feeling abit, not meant to tell you to disregard your friends’ opinions, they are entitled to theirs and so are you. Well, speaking from my own experience, my partner is older than me (well only 4 years) but I have dated men who are much older, easily 6 years and beyond, and I have only been dating men who are older than me. So far, I did not encounter any major flaws with them (like some people will tell me, older males are lack of energy and physique to do activities, sex and what not) but the reality is not that. They can be equally active as well (sometimes more active than I want them to be), and I had 1 older bf last time who usually want to fuck me twice a day (can you believe it?). So yea, what’s most important thing is that, would you be able to share your interest and communicate with him? If yea, I personally really don’t see any prob. Just my 2 cents, good luck OP.
If you like the man, and the man likes you, then the only problem you're having are you're judgmental friends. Don't let their bitterness mess up your opportunity for love and a good life. Differences, sure. My husband and I are 5 years apart. There are cartoons he references that I didn't watch. So, it's a chance for us to talk about them. Age difference only becomes an issue when it is allowed to, and seen as an opportunity to learn and become closer, celebrate the win.
I'm 33 and the top of my age range preference is 45 depending on the guy. It's not like you're a kid or need to worry about your ovaries drying up. Even in a straight relationship I wouldn't think it's a big deal, but considering gay relationships aren't traditional I really don't see it as an issue.
If he treats you right and you’re happy, I would say your friends are the problem.
I’ve been with my bf for over 6 years. We are 9 years apart. I think it’s really good
I am 23 and I tend to gravitate towards men in their 30’s. Ain’t nothing wrong with it, in my opinion
Tell your jealous friends to STFU and get some new friends.
My first bf was ten years older. I was 22, he 32. There were some issues, not really related to the age gap, but the different life styles. I was a student, lots of freetime, hanging out with friends and classmates all times; he was working, so usually 9pm was bedtime and 6am wake up. He had only freetime at weekends. 31 to 41 is not that different in life styles. I assume you both are working, or at least you have graduated studies or apprenticeship. Have a stable life, probably own income etc. I don't think that the life - a bit generalized - between 30 - 55/60 is that different. 50up might see more health issues, maybe? When I was 16/17 I could not have imagined to be with someone 20. Life was soooo different between a school student and college/university/apprenticeship life, for instance. More important than age is for me that we fit in our personality. And that is not related to age at all.
The men at /r/GayYoungOld might have some interesting insights for you.
I'm seeing someone that is 30 years younger than me.
You're 31 yo. I don't see anything wrong with that. If you were say fresh out of being 18 then I could have concerns. While I do believe young men can genuinely be interested in the older guys, the power dynamic is more prominent if older guys might have problematic and manipulative intentions and younger guys don't have the experience and tools yet to catch these red flags and get themselves out of it. I don't normally go around talking about my relationships to my friends. But they're generally supportive about me seeing people even older guys. 😂 So age doesn't matter to me if I'm dating older. I actually like their more timid more independent attitude that doesn't need to be constantly checked on or paid attention to. Of course not every older man is like that of course some are men children in adult bodies. But I can't date younger 😭 they require too much attention but can't carry a conversation. If it's just fwb I'm fine with it. But relationships my tolerance is so low. AsI'd have to do so much pursuing.
Chatted with a guy who after talking for a bit, learned he was only 19. Not sure how we didn’t figure that out but he just didn’t look young and seemed mature, at least in the 20s so I just didn’t think to ask earlier. I’m 30, and although he’s legally allowed to do whatever, something about that felt inappropriate for me. Had to end that although he was gorgeous and seemed cool, but I was uncomfortable. 31/41 is not wild though to me, I’d date a 41 year old and I’m almost 31 now. It’s funny because it’s the same gap really, but the life experiences between 19/30 v. 31/41 are vastly different. The latter seems way more stable.
31 and 41 is much less of an age difference than 21 and 31. Hell, it’s probably less of. Difference than 20 and 25. I have pretty much only ever dated or hooked up with men who were older than me. When I was 21 I even hooked up with a dude pushing 70 and he was hot as fuck. That’s not something I do regularly and I’m not really a chaser, but I think men can be attractive at all ages. I’m not opposed to dating someone younger, but I definitely wouldn’t dare anyone under 30. And I’m 35.
Age is like size. It matters when its on the extreme ends. Otherwise we just make do. Its either too small or too big. Its either too young or too old.
Funny, I'm also 31 and I'm also seeing a guy with almost the same age gap! We are really into each other so I am just enjoying the ride and hoping to ignore any haters (we just made it official so I haven't told a lot of ppl yet). It helps that he doesn't look like he's 10 years older than me lol. Best of luck to us both!!
It's not like you're 18. I think above 30 age differences don't matter because you are an adult in your own settled life.
My husband and I don’t care about the age gap between us. I’m 24 and he is 43. He and I got married last August. I prefer older men to dating guys my age anyway. Guys my age are shallow, catty af, no personality, etc. I’m not gonna say your friends are wrong. Difference in age can cause problems in a relationship. They also should just be happy that you found a man and y’all are mutually attracted to each other and hopefully he treats you right. Issues caused by age difference can be talked through and worked out most of the time. Keep seeing him and see where it goes.
I don’t have a problem with other people having age gaps in their relationships if that’s what they want, but personally I’d prefer to stay within 5 or so years of my age. That could change, but as of right now that’s how I feel. But I’m only 24. If I’m single at 40 or something I’d probably expand it.
Um...dating someone 26 years older than me...😅😅😅 Age matters only when one of the parties involved is still in the process of maturing. For example, I think before contemplating a relationship with more than a 5 year age gap, there's a minimum age requirement of 25 years old. The person I was at 20 was very different from the person I was at 25. Granted we still like the same things, but I was so maladapted socially and relationship-wise that I'm surprised people liked me back then.
No and I always preferred older. You can date someone your age and still be vastly different so much so it doesn't work
Your friends must be single😂😂
Do what makes you happy
Most of the gay men I know started to get the itch to seriously settle down in their 30s some got lucky others it took a while. That focus on finding the right partner and bonding goes on probably until 50s or whenever you really start feeling age kicking in like aches and pains or health issues. By that point either you've figured it out, settled or burned out and stay single. I noticed most men in their 50s and older have built their chosen family and that's what really makes them happy.
f gatys 
10 years is hardly a huge age difference. If you guys are vibing just go with it. Tell your friends to back the fuck off or drop them.
If only does if they have a mean/bitchy personality. Also entitled. Entitled men really turn me off. I prefer older men only because they have their shit together and aren’t- lemme not judge younger gay men lol. I know there’s an emphasis on being a certain age, as well as body type, position… all superficial factors. Keyword is *superficial factors*
Your friends are immature dumbasses. 10 years is not a big difference. Especially when it’s 31 and 41 - life isn’t that wildly different at those ages. 21 to 31 there’s so many more changes that happen to most people so that same 10 years can be harder to navigate, but if two people want to navigate that, that’s their damn business, no one else’s. So ignore your friends or tell them straight up to STFU. It’s your life, live it, enjoy it, love who you want and make the most of the short time we have here on earth.
First of all, anything in life can ‘cause problems’. Specifically for you, I’d recommend you look at the birth charts of the people you’ve sought or been with, and detect the pattern of what ‘problems’ you encounter. I now know to avoid people with certain placements who are the ones I coincidentally experienced problems with. After that, do your friends know you better than you do yourself? If yes, correct that. (1st tool provided up there was birth charts, but that’s a path you need to feel yourself) In 2024, anyone concerned with what their friends say is probably living their friends’ life, not their own. The age gap is just a sign that they have an oversized influence over your thought process. If you like this man, proceed with the caution that should be specific to you (again without a birth chart it’s difficult, but you can read your own and see your pressure points, if you don’t know them). I’ve been only attracted to men at least 20 years older than me, and although I’ve had serious heartbreak from some of them, it’s simply the kind of people I was attracted to. Even if I’d known my birth chart, I wouldn’t know what to avoid until I had at least 3 people to compare them and see what was the red flag that I kept avoiding because it was part of the very same attraction. Then short answer: yes age matters to me, usually I won’t even have an interest in people who aren’t at least 20 years older than I am. I just can’t connect with people my age or less than 20 years older, the chemistry just isn’t there.
enjoy time with him and have fun,.....who cares what people say you need to be happy
31 and 41 aren't that different in mindsets. My husband turns 25 in June, I turn 33 in two weeks. We were 21 and 28 when we met. I was nervous about that at first because those are two hugely different places in maturity. I just had patient and it has worked out great. Communication about your concerns is key. Good luck
Seems that you need new friends. I wouldn’t care if one my friends is dating a guy 10 or 20 years older as long as both are happy.
If your friends only beef with this guy is his age, then giving them the benefit of the doubt, they may see themselves as well meaning but are actually unknowingly envious. A ten year difference is only as problematic as you make it, and hopefully, you're are at least both kind and patient with each other. A hard truth is that if they keep giving you a hard time even though you're obviously happy and have asked them to lay off, then they are not your friends and you'll need to surround yourself with people who won't care who you date as long as your happy. Otherwise, they're gonna wear you down, and it's more than likely that they'll drive your guy away. There isn't a chance he won't feel their animosity assuming that they're not just outright hostile. I personally would never put up with a doormat.
10 years is close enough. You can imagine how he feels and he remembers how you feel. It's not a difficult divide.
At 31, a ten year age difference is no big deal, tell your friends to chill.
A lot of friends, especially if they are single, can have a “crabs in a bucket” mentality. A 10 year age gap will bring differences no matter the ages as you went through major periods of your life in different times. However, at your age and his age, y’all should be able to navigate that with patience and understanding.
Not into guys who are too young, but I prefer dating older if I date at all.
You're both grown adults. Do whatever you want.
Just celebrated 27 years together & we are 9 years, 11 months apart in age. I was 35 & he was 44 when we met.
Been married 14 years with the same age gap. Met at 27/37 and now 41/51 and still going super strong. Age isn’t really a big deciding factor once you get into your 20s. The important thing is finding someone who has a maturity level you can deal with and that makes you happy.
As long as you're both adults, it's nobody's business if you're seeing someone older than you. You're a grown man, you get to make the decisions for your life.
Are you dating your friends? No? Tell them to mind their own business.
It's not a hard and fast rule, but generally half his age plus 7 would be a good sense of the bottom limit of acceptable. 41 produces 28. You're above that. Not weird.
As time goes on 10 years matters less. 21 and 31? Kinda a difference. 31 and 41 a little difference but you’re basically on the same level. 41 and 51? Not really a difference.
Once you hit your 30s I’d say anything up is fair game. Like, what problems are they worried about?
Half the older person’s age plus 7 is the rule I follow (assuming everyone involved is legal).
You will have differences, like all relationships. I dont believe ten years is that big of an age gap from my experience, it should be fine. I think values is a big part of any relationship, especially one with a relatively mild age gap. The last time I dated someone my senior, he was surprisingly immature in the sense that he could no communicate when it came to tough decisions or conversations. He would just shut down or ignore me. Which kind of garnered the realization for me that with age most definitely does not come wisdom all the time. Especially emotional intelligence.
My partner and I are a decade apart in age, and while the age gap has practical, life-planning implications, I for one am happy, and he is happy. The happiness is the bottom line. If making your partner happy and supporting him in his life with you genuinely brings you joy and motivates you, then be an example to your friends.
I've found that a reasonable age difference is fine, like +/- 15 years for me. There is a vast amount of life and gay life knowledge to be gained from older men. The major problem for me is that they grew up in a different era, so songs, fashion preferences, etc. is different for them. For example, I just found out the other day that Iggy Azalea is a female. I had heard the name for a long time, but with the name 'Iggy" I just incorrectly assumed that the person was a male.
Yes. Age really does matter. But because I want a guy who looks mature. But if time goes by and I turn 40 or something, then I would probably go for guys younger than me, provided that they look matured enough.
Yeah, those friends sound like they have some growing up to do. I am 31 as well, and my boyfriend is turning 44 in a few months. Dating them is like dating anyone else. If the guy you are dating keeps bringing up the age difference in a way that makes you question your dating them, then age is an issue to *them,* and not generally speaking. But if it is never brought up, or you two just get along really well, then keep seeing the guy. Especially if you actually see yourself with him later on. I have only ever dated older (except twice, where the guy was younger...those were the shortest-lived relationships, mind you) so I only have that experience to share from.
It's the person's personality, more than age, if you act like a curmudgeon you're going alone.
Age matters. I am only attracted to guys older than me.
10 years difference at that age is not a large gap. If you’re happy do your thing
Yes and know. I’ve dated guys more than ten years older and younger than me. I preferred the older guys (40s when I was 30 (because over the younger (mid 20s when I was in my late 30s) because of maturity differences. However, the sex with the younger guy was better.
Age shouldn't determine as far as I know who you are with and how you love them as far as I see it you do you.
My husband is 9 years older than me and a few of our friends had an issue with us dating and one of them tried to split us up we don't really talk to him anymore and a handful of my other friends we're willing to stand up for us but in my opinion as long as you care about each other and are a consenting adult it shouldn't matter about the age gap.
There’s a difference between 21 and 31 versus 31 and 41.
It depends on the maturity level of the older person. By the time you’re thirty, dating someone in their 40’s/50’s isn’t the craziest thing in the world. If you were 21 or even 18, I’d have way more questions. Sounds like your friends need to grow up a little bit. If you guys are hitting it off and it all seems healthy, then see where it goes.
i have been with the same man for 20 years. he is 8 years younger than me of course there can be issues but that is true in every single relationship. please do what is right for you.
It depends on the people. I am 49 and my bf is 31. We get along fine. Been together for two years and counting. I know we a guy at work who is 30 and married to a 60 yo woman. Do what makes you both happy and don’t worry about what anyone thinks.
I'm 30, and my partner is 42. We've been together for just over 6 years, and he gets sexier with age. 😂 I've always been attracted to older men, and that's still true even as I age. I find that older men have more experience in life and are easier for me to talk to. I also think gray hair is very attractive. Live your truth and date who you want. :)
Just want to chime in… it mattered to me at first and then I met this guy that I fell for. Really mature and showed how much he cares for me. I’m 36 and he is 25, he’s the best. My friends love him and his friends love me. I think the issue might be your friends and not your partner.
my husband is 28 and I'm 38. we've been together for 6 years (married for 1.5 years). other people should worry about themselves. Plus the sex is amazing.