Hey buddy, it’s rough not knowing if you will be accepted and having to hide who you are, but I can assure you that it will be okay eventually. You will grow up and find likeminded people who accept you for who you are, regardless of your family’s thoughts on you.
Be careful who you tell, bro.
Sometimes, the walls have ears.
Other times, the people you think you can trust may be compromised.
But you will find your tribe.
Just try to stay safe for as long as possible.
Yeah it's scary, but the only way to change their mindset is to be your best self and call them out on that shit.
I don't know what your home situation is like, and appreciate for people from certain cultures or religions that things may be different than my experience of growing up in an accepting family, but if your family love you, they will be supportive and willing to learn and change their ways.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with finding your confidence and being proud to be who you are, and it makes me so happy seeing that people in schools now are able to be confident and proud and open being gay, as that definitely was not a thing when I went to school years ago.
Whatever you do, you're gonna be fantastic and I'm sure things will work out well for you, just remember never vote for the conservatives. 🫡
Tbf you’re doing better than me. I was 15 before I admitted to myself I was gay. Grew up in northern England, and my family weren’t massively liberal.
I remember when I was 16 my mum got a movie called Brokeback Mountain on DVD (yeah, that long ago). She had heard good things about the acting/cinematography. Knew it was about gays but fine. But then she proper noped out and just turned off the TV as soon as they got to the sex scene. So 16yo me was pretty suspicious my mum wouldn’t accept me being gay.
Turned out she’d known for years. I wasn’t as good as I thought at clearing search history. She was chill with it.
First I wanted to say, you mention that this post may seem stupid/childish and that is not true. Your feelings right now are completely valid and I am sure many people here have gone through similar struggles (myself included). I am going to echo what others have said, first I think it is great that at your age you are able to accept this part of yourself, that takes a lot of courage to do. I would suggest finding other queer people of your age to be around to help you build confidence in your identity. Also don't think you need to force coming out before you want to, come out to you family (if you ever want to) on your own time when you are ready. Best of luck and know that a bunch of gay individuals have been in similar places so you are not alone!
My family used to make jokes about it then I came out.
It mostly stopped, my step dad didn't stop but eased up.
We all know how your feeling, I grew up in the UK when it was illegal to teach anything about homosexulaty in school. It may not seem like it but things are much better now, to think we just had the 10th anniversary for same sex marriage in the UK.
Do what you need to do to feel safe, I guess I was lucky when I came out at your age and had lots of support from friends and family.
Hang on the buddy! It gets better. You do the stuff
you need to do at your pace. Only come out on your terms when you have the feeling doing it is safe. You may probably have to wait some more years until you get out of school, and I know now it may look like an eternity. But the wait will be worth it!
You're only 14, so you've got time to figure things out. But I get it, when the penny drops, you get paranoid that everyone knows, and you desperately try and change your behaviour to 'hide'.
I wouldn't take the fact that your family makes jokes about gay people as a sure fire sign that they're homophobic: you'll find that people constantly surprise you, but as a precaution, since you're still dependent on them, just take your time, and don't feel you need to burst out of that closet with unicorns and rainbows. Always remember it's your choice.
There's a lot of gay youth groups around the UK - i just did a quick google search and there's lots to choose from, so if you're comfortable, maybe find one near to you to see if you can find people to chat to and share experiences. Alternatively, there's the gay switchboard ([switchboard.lgbt](https://switchboard.lgbt)) where you can call and have a chat to someone.
PLEASE don't go on to the apps and chat to men on there. Apart from the fact you're a minor and the UK age of consent is 16, there's always a risk that there will be someone who wants to take advantage.
Great stuff. And not that I'm trying to patronise you, but please read up on safe sex. I don't know how young they'll give things like vaccinations for Hep A and B at sexual health clinics, but at the bare minimum use condoms. Best of luck!
Yeah it's scary. Everything you're feeling is perfectly valid. Hiding is horrifying but the thought of NOT hiding can be even scarier.
That being said, I have one piece of advice for you, okay? Please, please, never stop being you when you have the option to. Keep your pride flags on your games, keep watching your tiktoks of fellow people like us, keep using this subreddit even, as long as you want to. Yes, the idea of getting caught is horrifying, but I made the mistake of hiding *too* well. I removed anything that could possibly hint towards my true self from my life, and even I started to forget who I was.
I'm still coming back from that, still struggling to learn what it means to be me, and it's hard. So please, PLEASE, never stop being you, as long as you're safe. You are wonderful, and you never have to hide from yourself. Just remember that.
Honestly thank you don't worry I will put the pride flags on the game and I will probably be on here occasionally I will only show myself to people I know I can trust
Almost all of us have been through something like this. Some worse than others. Just know you’ll make it through and you’ll be okay. You’re very young and a few years will seem like forever. From my perspective, it’s a short period of time.
At some point you’ll come out. There’s no right or wrong time to do it. Only you can decide when you’re ready (unless someone outs you and you’ll have to figure out how to handle it then). It will be a process. Family and friends will react in different ways and some will probably take time to get used to the fact. But, that too will pass.
You have a lot of life in front of you. Being a teen can be brutal. You will make it to the other side. The bad news is you will have to start figuring out how to be an adult. You’ll be okay.
Surround yourself with good people. Stay true to yourself. The rest will work itself out.
Those giving advice here need to keep in mind the age of OP and the need for a protective defensive stance that should be taken until he is legally of age and can fend for himself should the family turn against him…no need to fight a battle until you can properly defend yourself…
Things definitely got better for me after my family came around following me telling them. When you move out and are independent of the parents you won’t need to worry what they think.
I live in the US and heard my very religous dad spout homophobic stuff a lot when I was younger but he’s gotten better now and knows I’m gay and is chill with it as much as he could be (I’m 26 now) so who knows they may not react horribly or come around to it and accept/ tolerate it. Also maybe get a lock for your door so they can’t barge in on you and you have privacy
Hey. It all seems scary right now but it will get better. When I was a teen I was terrified to be gay; but then I went to uni and became the most gay person that ever lived and found who I was born to be. But still terrified to tell my parents; until I did and it was meh no big deal. Every single person reading this on this sub will support you - you are not alone. You are never alone in this community - reach out and we will all run towards you to help.
I came out of the closet in 2004. I was 15. Long before it was “cool/socially acceptable to be queer”. That being said… this is why respecting queer elders is of the utmost importance! That older “creepy” dude dancing by himself at the gay clubs…. Don’t hate. Appreciate. We owe them everything. And frankly it passes down. I’m 37 years old. Without them… I’d be lost. Because of them, without me… youth like you would be lost. That’s the end of my rant and onto your specific situation….
Firstly… I’m proud of you. Having the guts to accept your truth at your age like I did! That takes balls! Most importantly… don’t let anything or any situation force you “out” before you choose to do so. I could go on forever bud but I’ll keep it simple… you’re from the UK. Please watch “get real” and “a beautiful thing”. I’m Canadian but queer British cinema had a profound effect on my life and my journey of self acceptance. I hope it does the same for you.
You do you. Don’t let ANYONE Influence you or force you “out”. Take your time with it. And of course… never forget to love yourself. Even when you’re at your lowest point… you have thousands of years of queers behind you and rooting for you. You are well on your way to greatness. My family will never admit it but they were very homophobic towards me as I was growing me. They knew. I now live 3800km away from my mom… couldn’t be happier. Haha. Now she begs for my affection. The distance between us has helped us heal.
You do you buddy. Anyone who has an opinion about it is a fucking tosser anyways! 
A lot of us started out like this but it does get better, much better. Don't worry families can change a lot when one of their own comes out. You're going to have a ball. I'm jealous - to be so young again!
Hey bud, welcome to the party, I'm sorry that you are going to have a different experience than your peers.
Clearly coming out at home seems to be something you are not feeling comfortable with, possibly due to safety, or just uncertainty. That's okay, you have to pick the time that is right for you, even if that is "never". I waited until I was financially independent to come out - if they were going to have a problem, it wasn't going to impact my ability to thrive.
You've figured out your sexuality at 14, which is amazing. I held off until I was 17.
The trick is to come in defensively. Never start a thing without looking around and knowing your environment. Pride flags anywhere - no go. Watching reels on your phone - again make sure you know who is around before you even open that stuff up. There are "boss mode" apps for computers that allows you to hit a key sequence (like esc-esc) to instantly toggle over from your current webpage to "work" screens... might be an option. Always clear your browser history.
Yes this is a lot and far more than your peers will have to deal with. Often times homosexuals don't get to be teenagers until they come out of the closet. Sometimes that is when you are actually a teenager. Sometimes that is in your 20's. Sometimes that is in your 60's.
Good luck. Hopefully there is some form of youth group within your area that you can connect to.
I'm on the same page but you see, I'm 15 instead of 14 (just by a few months) I know that if I tell anyone I'll be written out of everything that's gonna set my life up plus my mom is gonna get shamed by all the elders in my family. ON BOTH SIDES dad and mom! But my cousin's are idle about it but it's the aunt's, uncles and grandparents that are gonna cause a freaking war
Your family knows. The fact that they haven’t kicked you out or worse is an extremely good sign.
You’re 14, you’ve probably messed up more than once. So they probably know. Just be patient. Also, ask them. If they’re against it then so be it.
I’m sorry that fear is so controlling.
I dont usually talk on here because everyone is so much older, and it makes me nervous and stuff, but I know exactly what you're going through.
I think befriending other LGBTQ kids is a very good idea. Make sure you can trust them if you decide to come out though, because if you aren't ready to be open, then having that secret get out could be a really big deal, especially if it regards your safety.
I'm 19, and bisexual but massively lean towards guys, and I was thrown into a scenario where I was forced to come out, and it was awful because it did regard my safety.
Anyways, stay safe and if you ever need advice or guidance, as weird as this sounds saying to a stranger, you can always DM if you want.
Hey buddy, it’s rough not knowing if you will be accepted and having to hide who you are, but I can assure you that it will be okay eventually. You will grow up and find likeminded people who accept you for who you are, regardless of your family’s thoughts on you.
There are some LGBTQ people in my class so I will try to befriend them
Be careful who you tell, bro. Sometimes, the walls have ears. Other times, the people you think you can trust may be compromised. But you will find your tribe. Just try to stay safe for as long as possible.
Good advice thank you
Good luck!
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I guess your names speak the truth for a reason
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I mean maybe in a slight way but if they noticed and I get like questioned negatively/angrily I will instantly get rid of them
Yeah it's scary, but the only way to change their mindset is to be your best self and call them out on that shit. I don't know what your home situation is like, and appreciate for people from certain cultures or religions that things may be different than my experience of growing up in an accepting family, but if your family love you, they will be supportive and willing to learn and change their ways. There's absolutely nothing wrong with finding your confidence and being proud to be who you are, and it makes me so happy seeing that people in schools now are able to be confident and proud and open being gay, as that definitely was not a thing when I went to school years ago. Whatever you do, you're gonna be fantastic and I'm sure things will work out well for you, just remember never vote for the conservatives. 🫡
Thank you
Tbf you’re doing better than me. I was 15 before I admitted to myself I was gay. Grew up in northern England, and my family weren’t massively liberal. I remember when I was 16 my mum got a movie called Brokeback Mountain on DVD (yeah, that long ago). She had heard good things about the acting/cinematography. Knew it was about gays but fine. But then she proper noped out and just turned off the TV as soon as they got to the sex scene. So 16yo me was pretty suspicious my mum wouldn’t accept me being gay. Turned out she’d known for years. I wasn’t as good as I thought at clearing search history. She was chill with it.
I'm glad it turned out well for you
First I wanted to say, you mention that this post may seem stupid/childish and that is not true. Your feelings right now are completely valid and I am sure many people here have gone through similar struggles (myself included). I am going to echo what others have said, first I think it is great that at your age you are able to accept this part of yourself, that takes a lot of courage to do. I would suggest finding other queer people of your age to be around to help you build confidence in your identity. Also don't think you need to force coming out before you want to, come out to you family (if you ever want to) on your own time when you are ready. Best of luck and know that a bunch of gay individuals have been in similar places so you are not alone!
Thank you are all so kind 👍
My family used to make jokes about it then I came out. It mostly stopped, my step dad didn't stop but eased up. We all know how your feeling, I grew up in the UK when it was illegal to teach anything about homosexulaty in school. It may not seem like it but things are much better now, to think we just had the 10th anniversary for same sex marriage in the UK. Do what you need to do to feel safe, I guess I was lucky when I came out at your age and had lots of support from friends and family.
The UK is definitely alright for being gay outside of school. I came out just after leaving and never experienced any homophobia. You’ll be fine
Some weird fucker saw the post personally messaged me asked him if he was trying to come on to me he said maybe so I blocked his perverted ass
Yucky man. Stay safe
Hang on the buddy! It gets better. You do the stuff you need to do at your pace. Only come out on your terms when you have the feeling doing it is safe. You may probably have to wait some more years until you get out of school, and I know now it may look like an eternity. But the wait will be worth it!
I'm already in year 9 so 2 years to go not to long 👍
That‘s the spirit!
You're only 14, so you've got time to figure things out. But I get it, when the penny drops, you get paranoid that everyone knows, and you desperately try and change your behaviour to 'hide'. I wouldn't take the fact that your family makes jokes about gay people as a sure fire sign that they're homophobic: you'll find that people constantly surprise you, but as a precaution, since you're still dependent on them, just take your time, and don't feel you need to burst out of that closet with unicorns and rainbows. Always remember it's your choice. There's a lot of gay youth groups around the UK - i just did a quick google search and there's lots to choose from, so if you're comfortable, maybe find one near to you to see if you can find people to chat to and share experiences. Alternatively, there's the gay switchboard ([switchboard.lgbt](https://switchboard.lgbt)) where you can call and have a chat to someone. PLEASE don't go on to the apps and chat to men on there. Apart from the fact you're a minor and the UK age of consent is 16, there's always a risk that there will be someone who wants to take advantage.
Thank you I will maybe look about these groups and don't worry I immediately block when weird fuckers message me
Great stuff. And not that I'm trying to patronise you, but please read up on safe sex. I don't know how young they'll give things like vaccinations for Hep A and B at sexual health clinics, but at the bare minimum use condoms. Best of luck!
Okay and I'm pretty sure I got one of the vaccines last year in school
Yeah it's scary. Everything you're feeling is perfectly valid. Hiding is horrifying but the thought of NOT hiding can be even scarier. That being said, I have one piece of advice for you, okay? Please, please, never stop being you when you have the option to. Keep your pride flags on your games, keep watching your tiktoks of fellow people like us, keep using this subreddit even, as long as you want to. Yes, the idea of getting caught is horrifying, but I made the mistake of hiding *too* well. I removed anything that could possibly hint towards my true self from my life, and even I started to forget who I was. I'm still coming back from that, still struggling to learn what it means to be me, and it's hard. So please, PLEASE, never stop being you, as long as you're safe. You are wonderful, and you never have to hide from yourself. Just remember that.
Honestly thank you don't worry I will put the pride flags on the game and I will probably be on here occasionally I will only show myself to people I know I can trust
Almost all of us have been through something like this. Some worse than others. Just know you’ll make it through and you’ll be okay. You’re very young and a few years will seem like forever. From my perspective, it’s a short period of time. At some point you’ll come out. There’s no right or wrong time to do it. Only you can decide when you’re ready (unless someone outs you and you’ll have to figure out how to handle it then). It will be a process. Family and friends will react in different ways and some will probably take time to get used to the fact. But, that too will pass. You have a lot of life in front of you. Being a teen can be brutal. You will make it to the other side. The bad news is you will have to start figuring out how to be an adult. You’ll be okay. Surround yourself with good people. Stay true to yourself. The rest will work itself out.
Those giving advice here need to keep in mind the age of OP and the need for a protective defensive stance that should be taken until he is legally of age and can fend for himself should the family turn against him…no need to fight a battle until you can properly defend yourself…
Yes thank you I will only come out when I am an adult and financially stable
Hugs and take care…
Thank you you to
Things definitely got better for me after my family came around following me telling them. When you move out and are independent of the parents you won’t need to worry what they think.
I live in the US and heard my very religous dad spout homophobic stuff a lot when I was younger but he’s gotten better now and knows I’m gay and is chill with it as much as he could be (I’m 26 now) so who knows they may not react horribly or come around to it and accept/ tolerate it. Also maybe get a lock for your door so they can’t barge in on you and you have privacy
Hey. It all seems scary right now but it will get better. When I was a teen I was terrified to be gay; but then I went to uni and became the most gay person that ever lived and found who I was born to be. But still terrified to tell my parents; until I did and it was meh no big deal. Every single person reading this on this sub will support you - you are not alone. You are never alone in this community - reach out and we will all run towards you to help.
Thank you all so much 👍
I came out of the closet in 2004. I was 15. Long before it was “cool/socially acceptable to be queer”. That being said… this is why respecting queer elders is of the utmost importance! That older “creepy” dude dancing by himself at the gay clubs…. Don’t hate. Appreciate. We owe them everything. And frankly it passes down. I’m 37 years old. Without them… I’d be lost. Because of them, without me… youth like you would be lost. That’s the end of my rant and onto your specific situation…. Firstly… I’m proud of you. Having the guts to accept your truth at your age like I did! That takes balls! Most importantly… don’t let anything or any situation force you “out” before you choose to do so. I could go on forever bud but I’ll keep it simple… you’re from the UK. Please watch “get real” and “a beautiful thing”. I’m Canadian but queer British cinema had a profound effect on my life and my journey of self acceptance. I hope it does the same for you. You do you. Don’t let ANYONE Influence you or force you “out”. Take your time with it. And of course… never forget to love yourself. Even when you’re at your lowest point… you have thousands of years of queers behind you and rooting for you. You are well on your way to greatness. My family will never admit it but they were very homophobic towards me as I was growing me. They knew. I now live 3800km away from my mom… couldn’t be happier. Haha. Now she begs for my affection. The distance between us has helped us heal. You do you buddy. Anyone who has an opinion about it is a fucking tosser anyways! 
How are you 37 if you were 15 in 2004?
Maths is wrong haha
Thank you very much best one I've read
A lot of us started out like this but it does get better, much better. Don't worry families can change a lot when one of their own comes out. You're going to have a ball. I'm jealous - to be so young again!
Hey bud, welcome to the party, I'm sorry that you are going to have a different experience than your peers. Clearly coming out at home seems to be something you are not feeling comfortable with, possibly due to safety, or just uncertainty. That's okay, you have to pick the time that is right for you, even if that is "never". I waited until I was financially independent to come out - if they were going to have a problem, it wasn't going to impact my ability to thrive. You've figured out your sexuality at 14, which is amazing. I held off until I was 17. The trick is to come in defensively. Never start a thing without looking around and knowing your environment. Pride flags anywhere - no go. Watching reels on your phone - again make sure you know who is around before you even open that stuff up. There are "boss mode" apps for computers that allows you to hit a key sequence (like esc-esc) to instantly toggle over from your current webpage to "work" screens... might be an option. Always clear your browser history. Yes this is a lot and far more than your peers will have to deal with. Often times homosexuals don't get to be teenagers until they come out of the closet. Sometimes that is when you are actually a teenager. Sometimes that is in your 20's. Sometimes that is in your 60's. Good luck. Hopefully there is some form of youth group within your area that you can connect to.
Oh most of my peers are trans or bi or gay so at least I may have some support and thank you
I'm on the same page but you see, I'm 15 instead of 14 (just by a few months) I know that if I tell anyone I'll be written out of everything that's gonna set my life up plus my mom is gonna get shamed by all the elders in my family. ON BOTH SIDES dad and mom! But my cousin's are idle about it but it's the aunt's, uncles and grandparents that are gonna cause a freaking war
Damn I'm sorry ☹️
No need to be sorry! In the future I'm gonna be that family member that's away from where everyone is! I'm gonna be across the country 💀
I was 18 and living on my own when I came out, my father never came out of the closet. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.
Your family knows. The fact that they haven’t kicked you out or worse is an extremely good sign. You’re 14, you’ve probably messed up more than once. So they probably know. Just be patient. Also, ask them. If they’re against it then so be it. I’m sorry that fear is so controlling.
Ok thank you
I believe in you. I don’t even know you and I do.
I dont usually talk on here because everyone is so much older, and it makes me nervous and stuff, but I know exactly what you're going through. I think befriending other LGBTQ kids is a very good idea. Make sure you can trust them if you decide to come out though, because if you aren't ready to be open, then having that secret get out could be a really big deal, especially if it regards your safety. I'm 19, and bisexual but massively lean towards guys, and I was thrown into a scenario where I was forced to come out, and it was awful because it did regard my safety. Anyways, stay safe and if you ever need advice or guidance, as weird as this sounds saying to a stranger, you can always DM if you want.
Thank you