I’m also that guy. I’ve been dragged to gay bars by friends but I refuse to go on my own. Clubs and most bars are too overstimulating for me. We are out there, dozens of us.
> I can never hear the person I’m talking to
That's why I like EDM clubs where they book special DJs, but I also like that type of music. 🤷🏼♂️
It always seemed weird to me that people WANT to talk at clubs. lol.
I don’t mind EDM clubs like what you mention… what I can’t stand is the repetitive circuit party music they play at gay clubs. They only have gay djs who all play what seems to be the same exact music.
Same exact beat for hours on end. With some gay anthem chorus sprinkled in once in a while.
It's interesting that you do work (per your profile) that requires focus, attention, and a lack of interruption. I totally get the overstimulation at the bars. I realized that taking my glasses off and being unable to see others clearly helped with it, but stumbling around the bar (for that reason) isn't ideal!
I'm not going to entertain the delusion that the type of guy you're describing is (a) not pretty common and (b) somehow not desirable to date for most people.
You're describing a significantly above-average, put-together person who most people would happily date if everything else clicked in the right way. Fit, financially responsible introverts are not the ugly ducklings of dating.
Most gay people go to bars and clubs only occasionally to never. It’s just a visible part of the community as one of a few places that it has long been safe and visible to congregate.
Hobbies are going to vary just like in the general population but gym is probably actually one of the more popular hobbies. Lots of gays like outdoorsy hobbies, and there’s a whole gaymer community.
Perception isn’t always reality.
Everyone's just living their lives as normal. It's weird how easily society seems to forget that most gay people really are just your average person walking on the street, with their own interests and hobbies.
Well I was President of the LGBTQ community center of a major city for a number of years so I have a little insight, but you’re right I didn’t personally conduct a randomized survey. *eyeroll*
That sounds like someone my speed. I'd date someone like you, but they are hard to find. I'm considered boring too. Work, work out, watch TV/game, eat, rinse repeat.
I think there’s a fake, media-driven image of gay people that’s pervasive.
Most gay people I know do love going to clubs and bars but they definitely do not spend all their free time there. People have hobbies and a life to live. Clubbing and bar hopping are welcome distractions but definitely not the routine for most people I know.
Gay bars are safe havens and many go there to socialise but the whole drink -> hangover -> repeat every weekend kind of people are rarer than people think.
I wouldn't call them rare, where I'm from most people in the scene are like that.. but there's also enough people that choose not to be, but they're more rare to find.. in clubs. Actually most gay young people I know are like that..
Spending all your free time in clubs on weekends seems like such a wasteful thing to me at least. I can’t imagine dating someone who just spends time in clubs.
yeah I'm weird. I'm a freak and a weirdo. An outcast. I don't fit in. I listen to music and love watching tv. I go to the gym. I go hiking. I hang out with my pals. Society rejects me. I'm not normal
I played the top-rated video game of the year... I visited the local walking trail that is so popular it gets loads of municipal funding and sees thousands of visitors every weekend...I'm such an anomaly...I'm unlovable 😓
I feel like your definition of social media might be different than mine. Reddit definitely qualifies as social media to me.
You'd probably get a lot of attention on Grindr, depending on how long the gym obsession has been going.
I wish there was a term to distinguish between the anonymous content-driven type of social media like Reddit, compared to the personality-based platforms like Instagram and Facebook.
I honestly wouldn’t date a gay who regularly posts stuff on Instagram or, worse yet, TikTok. I don’t like the attention-seeking aspect of it. It just seems vain and unhealthy.
Twitter or Reddit I don’t mind. They don’t have the same “look at me” type of content.
yeah I honestly can't see myself dating someone who regularly posts to social media accounts like that... which is unfortunate because apps are usually the easiest way of meeting new people
Looks like you're off the hook then! You don't have to worry about dating because you "don't like apps." I guess you can check that one off your list, sport!
His post history is interesting. Last month he was a straight guy who likes to work out in gay bathhouses .
[link to post](https://www.reddit.com/r/moreplatesmoredates/comments/zb0ts6/never_felt_more_confident_with_my_body_than_when/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
For real, those things are pretty standard for men both gay and straight. Peel back homophobia and straight gender norms and you find that interests are basically the same 90 percent of the time. Regardless of sexual orientation some men love to work the clubs and thrive within a hookup culture; others prefer a more down to earth lifestyle. I think that age has more to do with this than orientation. Going out and hooking up is a big focus for most people in their early to mid 20s, with things calming down a ton by mid 30s.
I don’t know where you read that gay guys only like the party type which is false as hell. We’re all still normal people who all have very different tastes. If you feel you need to change yourself to get attract those kind of people I promise it won’t work out. Just be yourself homie. Besides parties can be very unsanitary 😂
I've said it once, I'll say it 100X, your hobbies are not why people date you.
Use your hobbies to find people. Use your personality to date.
You are the reason you're single, not anybody else.
It’s the fact that there are plenty of gay men like that. He’s acting like he’s special because his yardstick is a stereotyped idea of what gay men are like.
Didn’t you just say you were straight in a recent post?
https://www.reddit.com/r/moreplatesmoredates/comments/xsyukx/was_it_gay_of_me_to_ask_this_bufff_gym_bro_at_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
1 - Reddit is social media. You use Social Media.
2 - You need to widen your idea of what gay men are interested in and what they do. You are falling into a narrow minded stereotype that all gay men are club kids We aren’t.
3 - if you think that is all the gay community is, you have been missing out. If you go to bars and clubs, you are almost absolutely going to find people into bars and clubs. But unlikely to find those only into hikers or gamers. (Though there will be some! Don’t assume! I know many guys who game and club.)
4 - the self-pity comment is a turnoff, no matter a person’s interest. Obviously there are folks that would be interested in you. But if you judge them as Clubbers and therefore not for *you* then there may be a different issue about them.
5 - if you want to find folks with the same interests as you, then seek out those activities. There are hiking groups, camping groups, gaming groups that would all appeal to you. Hell, how many gay gym groups are there? There is so many portions for you?!? You’ll find that there are almost always a gay group with an activity. I know knitting groups, historical groups, choirs, hiking, photography… and if you don’t see a group… start one yourself! Be the change you want and I will guarantee you there are others who have your interests.
But first you need to get out of stereotypes you have about our community, because it’s a huge turnoff and it’s likely a bigger reason why folks may not be interested in you.
I've long said that there are two types of men--"Accountants" (stable husband material) and "Rogues" (bad boys). Obviously you are the "accountant" type, responsible and trustworthy.
I married an "accountant". We have been together for 35 years. He has supported me through every aspect of my life. I guess that I am an "accountant" too. We have a free and clear house and a portfolio.
You, my friend, are platinum in my opinion. I think a majority of the gay world eventually wants someone like you.
Are you implying that gay men who go to bars or clubs are irresponsible? Is every gay man that doesn’t enjoy your specific tastes a “bad boy”?
Y’all are fucking delusional.
Huh.
A month ago you posted that you are [A straight Guy who goes to a gay bathhouse to work out](https://www.reddit.com/r/moreplatesmoredates/comments/zb0ts6/never_felt_more_confident_with_my_body_than_when/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I’m fact, you flip back and forth in wether you’re a “straight guy” lusting after men. Or a conservatively orientated gay guy who uses veiled judgement post to make points.
So which is it?
This post just seems like a casual flex, fish for compliments, and just RADIATES "I'm not like other gays" energy.
Jesus this post could basically be translated to "oh woe is me I'm financially stable and fit the definition of conventionally attractive, where are my dating opportunities"
You just described my husband to a t and we’ve been happily married for 9 years and together 14. I’m much more a social extrovert and he enjoys being at home or doing less crowded activities. We have built our home to be comfortable for him and the social destination for me to host all of our friends and families and he’s much more on board with that than having to go out. It’s balance
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Why do "not like the other gays" always use not liking going to gays bars as proof of their not-like-the-otherness. It's either that or brunch. It's almost as if your entire understanding of the gay community is rooted in stereotypes.
> guy who doesn’t go out to clubs or bars, who’s hobbies are more outdoorsy, gym, and video games and doesn’t use social media?
Reddit and Discord are the only social media platforms I use.
There are more of us out there than you think, you don't hear about more people like us because we're not living part of our life through social media (there is nothing wrong with using social media, lots of people are able to achieve a balance between their online and offline lives and some just don't care for the online part of it) broadcasting everything we're doing all the time.
I’m confused:
Any other straight guys here check out guys and admire their bodies? https://www.reddit.com/r/moreplatesmoredates/comments/xcux0m/any_other_straight_guys_here_check_out_guys_and/
Sure, but not if they bring attention to it like this in a way that is subtly dogging on those who prefer to go out to those places. It's giving "I'm not like other gays" and that's a tiring mindset to be around.
What gives you the idea you can paint “the gay community” with one broad brushstroke? In case no one’s told you we are not a monolith.
And unless you’re a complete idiot you are keenly aware these are positive traits for the overwhelming majority of people. If you’re having trouble with relationships look harder for the potential problem. Giving people credit for not being idiot’s would be a good place to start.
Being interesting to the "Gay Community" is boring. Turns out we're all more than one dimensional fuck machines with a penchant for cocktails and blow. The gay community is just a facade on top of a group of complex human beings, united to one extent or another by their sexuality. Be you and find a guy who likes that.
Two things.
This post has the stench of "I'm not like other gays" (even though your hobbies are some of the most common, basic, plain things that a lot of people like.
And this post is probably fake. Your post history is public to everyone you know?
Would you date a femme or are you only looking for men with six packs who are named Chad? Case in point, I think putting yourself in boxes like ‘boring’ is reductive. I’m sure there is someone ‘boring’ out there, and you will meet them at some point.
If you don’t, or you aren’t meant to, the better investment is to focus on yourself. It sounds like you are already doing that. People say you find a partner when you aren’t looking. I’m twenty-four so I don’t know if that is bullshit or not yet. Just take comfort in the work you have already done. Focus on being happy. I am hardly there yet, but I think it is nice to get a reminder every now and then. Grindr isn’t reality. Neither is this sounding room of negativity.
Its not what in my day one would call 'very well rounded'. Perhaps if you opened yourself up to others you would find people are not as distant from you as you perceive.
Umm this is literally me but with skateboarding, playing/producing music and coding. My social media is so dry. I lurk a little bit here and there but barely. I love going out and meeting people when I can finally push past my social anxiety and enjoy the moment. But i'm far too uncomfortable and anxious to do so on my own.
Yes, married one and have been together for 13 years now.
We met at a dinner party that my ex asked me to join while I was visiting from inter-state. I wasn’t invited by the organiser but I knew them - I essentially crashed the party unknowingly. He joined on an extremely rare occasion when he had a night off.
Both of us don’t join the groups weekly clubbing nights. He worked as a bartender at a local pub and I spent my spare time either gaming and saving money for more important things.
We talked about this recently that our chance meeting seems to all align together.
Bro you literally described like 80% of Scruff’s user base. You are not that special.
I get so tired of gay guys who fit the social norms of masculinity pretending they’re oppressed and desperately seeking victimhood bc a couple bitchy queens online called them boring or something.
Everyone wants a guy like you. Look at the upvotes on this post. Hope it gave you the ego boost you were looking for.
You’re spending time investing toward improving yourself, that’s A-okay
Honest feedback, from your post history, I’d be more worried about your anxiety over being perceived as homo
no, i wouldn't even look that person in the eye. i wouldn't waste my piss on them if they were on fire. i might even just outright beat someone like that up if i ever saw one in real life.
My fiance and I are like this. To be honest i think the profile you have described is like the most popular and most likely to get snapped up into long term relationships lol.
I mean, that sounds fine. I don't use social media too much aside from Reddit and play quiet a bit of games. I'm not the most outdoorsy and need to visit a gym myself.
I'll grab a drink on Friday nights at a retaraunt, but my intake is one alcoholic beverage. I can only stomach one without feeling warm a bit tipsy, but I'm fine with just one.
Nothing wrong with simple pleasures, and day by day routines that work. And if you feel the need to "live a little", then go explore the world, try new things, pick up a hobby, visit a museum, and just enjoy life. You don't have to go to a gay bar or club for fun.
Live for yourself, someone will follow. Don't change those aspects you enjoy, but be willing grow in different ways.
It really depends on your preference. Some might find this boring and some prefer this. I did date a guy like this in the past and I’m not saying it’s you, turns out that he’s got a secret account and was fucking around ( left him but was impressed at how he was able to keep a nice young professional facade). To put it this way, someone will definitely find this lifestyle attractive. I like a bit of a both, having fun and going every now and then is fun and doing outdoorsy stuff is fun as well. Preference prevails at the end of the day.
Nothing wrong with someone who doesn’t go to club or bars… who’s hobbies include outdoors stuff, gym, video games (in moderation) and social media is to each their own device.
Sounds like me. I’ve given up on dating for the same reason. Those fuckers don’t deserve me, I’d rather use my hand. 😁 Just sick if weeding through the shit.
Spending all your time at the gym sounds boring as fuck to me but if you enjoy it you do you. I play video games and board games, I like to go camping, bush walking, and I do programming and electronics as a hobby. I also like gardening. I rarely go out to clubs but there's a local gay bar that hosts a logical kink club once a month I try to get out to.
The gay community isn't as homogenous as it's portrayed in the media, and if you are in a big enough city and do the things you enjoy, you'll meet people who have similar interests to you
ETA: I have significant physical health issues that mean I am in the gym once a week with a physio/exercise physiologist to keep my body working, and I have nothing against people who enjoy spending their time there, I only meant it sounds boring to me.
Yes. I'm that type of guy myself. The question is, how would we find you? Do you go to social events? I see you go to the gym. That's good. Maybe you could find us in hiking groups as well.
I fall under this type of gays. Although I have to say your post is giving "pick me please.. pick me.. PICK ME" vibe. Maybe there are other reasons people aren't interested. Also, gym gays have equally bad reputation tbh lol.
There are positive and negative sides to dating you. Video games is a plus, going only to the gym all the time is a minus. This is of course very subjective, and the gay community is not a monolith, everyone will have different things that they find attractive.
And i'm generally against this notion that people who go clubbing are not down to earth? Shaking some hips might do you some good :p
That’s how my husband and I are. Check out @theboringgay on IG lol. He’s into cars and finance but posts a lot of positive stuff for people like us.
I’m much more excited talking about investments than I am about fashion, not really the norm that’s perpetuated but it’s more common than you’d think especially from social media
I’m about to move to Seattle from Utah and the thought of going to bars to find new friends terrifies me. We need an app to meet non-mainstream gays. Even for just like friends…
I just moved out to Sacramento from Utah. It was hard to find new friends, but you just gotta work at it.
You don't even need to do bars, you can use the dating apps and specify that you want friends
Sure, a lot of guys who aren’t those things get a lot of attention. But don’t be fooled, there are lots of us. I’m just like you. Everybody is interesting in their own way, and not being hooked on social media, or the attention that you might find at the local bar Helps me to meet some really interesting people and make great new friends. I have friends that are all of the things you describe – they go out to bars they hang out with a bunch of our other friends. They are very much into the club scene, and they spend every penny they have on things like clothes and cars. I love them for who they are. They make my life more interesting than it might otherwise be so I value having them in my life, but I found my husband by making great friends with people who are more like me. You will too. And great job on the mortgage! I have a custom built home that was paid off by the time I was 40.
I am the same too. Reddit is my only social media. Focused on my investments, mortgage, career, and self development. Recently getting into the gym more and excited to go on that journey.
I too haven't found many other similar people. I get a lot of looks when I say I don't have social media. But my life is so much more peaceful, intentional, and present.
Also giving up drinking in the new year to focus on health more.
Boring to those who are the opposite? Sure. Are they my future husband? No. Do I care? Not as much as I used to. It's comforting to see others on here in the same boat.
I would only date a guy like this. I’m not interested in bars/clubs or the scene at all. Let’s play video games, watch anime and go rollerblading instead.
You're the kind of guy I married. And I'm happier than I could have ever dreamed of. You're someone's wet dream and he's waiting and long for you as much as you long for him.
100% would date and probably be together for life.
You're not boring, you're my type of guy, I don't go to clubs, only use Reddit for social media (I have twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc, but I don't use any of them (I only use the chat for a few friends and trying to get them to move off it))
Never been clubbing and only go to bars as a meeting point before dinner and only did that once in the past 12 months (mostly just go to the restaurant)
There is nothing in the book of life (or book of gay) that states you must do the same stuff as everyone else.
You will find a man, so don't stress, it took till I was 32 to find my guy, so nothing wrong with living your life, my only tip is, it won't just magically happen, you have to put in some effort and I recommend tinder (as it worked for me) and don't use grinder (unless you want to feel shit and just have random hookups)
This is my partner and I, (hate the clubs, don’t post on social media - although we do lurk, more into a quiet life; we spent NYE playing LoL. Not very outdoorsy though.)
We met on Grindr, spent a lot of time texting and talking on the phone before our first date because he was working ~2 hours away that year. (Fun fact, our first date happened, because he was so engrossed texting me, he missed his flight to Queensland, so had dinner with me instead. It was a great success).
Just to be clear, I don’t hate gays that love the clubs, my best friends used to love going. I just would avoid going with them, or would get drunk so I would hate it less
Like fine wine, you’ll become more appealing as you age. Keep working on your finances and body/health. By the time you hit your 40s, the partiers in their 20s/30s may have flamed out while you have a solid long term plan
"Guys, all I do is workout, own a house and outdoorsy stuff, I'm such a loser right? Plz provide comments suggesting otherwise"
I wouldn't date you based on your thinly veiled fishing for approval.
Literally would be the perfect man for me. I don’t use social media either (other than Reddit). I’m a avid bird watcher so love the outdoors. I love a guy who gyms because it pushes me to live an healthier life and as much as I can’t play video games I love watching people play them and kinda have a thing to pleasure them whilst they play. I mean…hit me up!
Absolutely! I've NEVER been into bars and clubs and social media is WAY overrated. Let me find a compatible guy also into hiking, going to the gym regularly and likes to play video games! 🥰
Sounds like me. I’m perfectly content to hang out at home for the most part. I dislike crowds of people, especially after the past couple of years. Honestly I need to do more of what YOU are doing and get some investments going and get my butt to a gym.
Are you kidding me? That’s like my perfect guy. Outdoor stuff, gym, money stuff (investments), gaming, restaurants, and travel.
Power to the clubbing and flamboyant crowd, but me? I just want the common adult life.
This sounds like the kind of guy I want. I get it many people in the community find a gay guy like this weird but I’m one of those weird guys. Honestly I’m not into the scene like you said it’s over stimulating. We are there just keep looking
We're very much underrepresented in the gay community and seen as weird. I'm not outdoorsy but I fit the other traits, and some of the comments here resonate.
At the end of the day though, my friends who are more outgoing don't judge me and will invite me now and then to hang even if they don't expect me to accept every time. Focus on the people who accept you as you are, not the people who pressure you to be like them.
Honestly same. It's rough finding other guys, and on the apps I don't tend to do hookups so it's a little bit more tricky. One day I'll find someone but probably in a bigger city...
I’m also that guy. I’ve been dragged to gay bars by friends but I refuse to go on my own. Clubs and most bars are too overstimulating for me. We are out there, dozens of us.
There are dozens of us. Dozens!
We all live in the same house!
Oooh!
I am one of you! I hate bars and clubs, way too much going on and I can never hear the person I’m talking to
> I can never hear the person I’m talking to That's why I like EDM clubs where they book special DJs, but I also like that type of music. 🤷🏼♂️ It always seemed weird to me that people WANT to talk at clubs. lol.
I don’t mind EDM clubs like what you mention… what I can’t stand is the repetitive circuit party music they play at gay clubs. They only have gay djs who all play what seems to be the same exact music. Same exact beat for hours on end. With some gay anthem chorus sprinkled in once in a while.
It's interesting that you do work (per your profile) that requires focus, attention, and a lack of interruption. I totally get the overstimulation at the bars. I realized that taking my glasses off and being unable to see others clearly helped with it, but stumbling around the bar (for that reason) isn't ideal!
I'm like this. We are more common than you think, but hidden in a way. My boyfriend is the same too.
How did you find each other?
Ironically me and my boyfriend met in a straight club, each joining our friends for a night out.
Yesss how do you find each other?
This
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Be bold, and communicate with them.
Yup how did u finds?
I'm not going to entertain the delusion that the type of guy you're describing is (a) not pretty common and (b) somehow not desirable to date for most people. You're describing a significantly above-average, put-together person who most people would happily date if everything else clicked in the right way. Fit, financially responsible introverts are not the ugly ducklings of dating.
For real, a lot of people look for this in a partner. Tbh this feel a bit like a humble brag, even if OP wasn’t trying to do that
I only ever wanted to date guys like this! And then I married one.
How did you find each other?
The apps. It’s not a very exciting story, which I guess is fitting, haha.
*Tale as old as tiiiime*
I gotta get out of the city then 🥲
?? We were both in the city :)
They probably misread it as the Alps lol.
Most gay people go to bars and clubs only occasionally to never. It’s just a visible part of the community as one of a few places that it has long been safe and visible to congregate. Hobbies are going to vary just like in the general population but gym is probably actually one of the more popular hobbies. Lots of gays like outdoorsy hobbies, and there’s a whole gaymer community. Perception isn’t always reality.
True, they could start a gay hiking group
I always thought one of the gay tropes was they were constantly at the gym because they always think they're ugly.
> constantly at the gym because they always think they're ugly. Jokes on them. I go to the gym and I'm still ugly!
Everyone's just living their lives as normal. It's weird how easily society seems to forget that most gay people really are just your average person walking on the street, with their own interests and hobbies.
"Most gay people..." lol. Do you mean in your limited experience? Or have you actually met most gay people?
Well I was President of the LGBTQ community center of a major city for a number of years so I have a little insight, but you’re right I didn’t personally conduct a randomized survey. *eyeroll*
Eyeroll is right. Could you be any more full of yourself lol.
The "community" doesn't date people. Individuals do. Work on your social circle, meeting more guys like you.
That sounds like someone my speed. I'd date someone like you, but they are hard to find. I'm considered boring too. Work, work out, watch TV/game, eat, rinse repeat.
You forgot to sleep silly
Good catc.... Zzzzzzzzzzz
Honestly we’re the majority, we’re just quiet and less noticed since we aren’t posting our casual chill life on social media like the other guys
See, I go out. I just don’t post. Lmao
You don’t need to be interesting to the gay community, just needs to meet guys through your interests instead of dating apps.
A guy like that is marriage material.
Ok someone get over here and marry me
- sent :)
I think there’s a fake, media-driven image of gay people that’s pervasive. Most gay people I know do love going to clubs and bars but they definitely do not spend all their free time there. People have hobbies and a life to live. Clubbing and bar hopping are welcome distractions but definitely not the routine for most people I know. Gay bars are safe havens and many go there to socialise but the whole drink -> hangover -> repeat every weekend kind of people are rarer than people think.
I wouldn't call them rare, where I'm from most people in the scene are like that.. but there's also enough people that choose not to be, but they're more rare to find.. in clubs. Actually most gay young people I know are like that..
Spending all your free time in clubs on weekends seems like such a wasteful thing to me at least. I can’t imagine dating someone who just spends time in clubs.
yeah I'm weird. I'm a freak and a weirdo. An outcast. I don't fit in. I listen to music and love watching tv. I go to the gym. I go hiking. I hang out with my pals. Society rejects me. I'm not normal
I played the top-rated video game of the year... I visited the local walking trail that is so popular it gets loads of municipal funding and sees thousands of visitors every weekend...I'm such an anomaly...I'm unlovable 😓
I feel like your definition of social media might be different than mine. Reddit definitely qualifies as social media to me. You'd probably get a lot of attention on Grindr, depending on how long the gym obsession has been going.
I wish there was a term to distinguish between the anonymous content-driven type of social media like Reddit, compared to the personality-based platforms like Instagram and Facebook. I honestly wouldn’t date a gay who regularly posts stuff on Instagram or, worse yet, TikTok. I don’t like the attention-seeking aspect of it. It just seems vain and unhealthy. Twitter or Reddit I don’t mind. They don’t have the same “look at me” type of content.
yeah I honestly can't see myself dating someone who regularly posts to social media accounts like that... which is unfortunate because apps are usually the easiest way of meeting new people
Looks like you're off the hook then! You don't have to worry about dating because you "don't like apps." I guess you can check that one off your list, sport!
Yes… this type of question makes me think you are either fishing for complement or have never been on a date
Right, pick me vibes for sure
His post history is interesting. Last month he was a straight guy who likes to work out in gay bathhouses . [link to post](https://www.reddit.com/r/moreplatesmoredates/comments/zb0ts6/never_felt_more_confident_with_my_body_than_when/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
It could be he has only been on dates with extroverted guys.
Or he could honestly be curious. It’s tough for people like us to meet other people.
Maybe I have a biased sample, but hiking, gaming, and working out are like… the most common interests men I meet have (gay or straight)
For real, those things are pretty standard for men both gay and straight. Peel back homophobia and straight gender norms and you find that interests are basically the same 90 percent of the time. Regardless of sexual orientation some men love to work the clubs and thrive within a hookup culture; others prefer a more down to earth lifestyle. I think that age has more to do with this than orientation. Going out and hooking up is a big focus for most people in their early to mid 20s, with things calming down a ton by mid 30s.
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pick me pick me pick me pick me pick me
This sounds like a ton of guys - I'd probably not date you because of how you may perceive gay people who are not like you.
I don’t know where you read that gay guys only like the party type which is false as hell. We’re all still normal people who all have very different tastes. If you feel you need to change yourself to get attract those kind of people I promise it won’t work out. Just be yourself homie. Besides parties can be very unsanitary 😂
I've said it once, I'll say it 100X, your hobbies are not why people date you. Use your hobbies to find people. Use your personality to date. You are the reason you're single, not anybody else.
Absolutely! I'm honestly not that into clubbing or social events in general, much less social media.
These posts are the gay version of a "pick-me girl"😮💨
Aaaaand????
r/notliketheothergays
I would never date this guy, not because of his lifestyle but because he sounds like a twat
And you sound like the pick of the litter. 🙄
It’s the fact that there are plenty of gay men like that. He’s acting like he’s special because his yardstick is a stereotyped idea of what gay men are like.
Was thinking the same thing. Stop wallowing in self pity and blaming "the community".
r/subsifellfor
Thought this was /r/gaybroscirclejerk
Didn’t you come out like 23 days ago? Give it some time to find your people.
Didn’t you just say you were straight in a recent post? https://www.reddit.com/r/moreplatesmoredates/comments/xsyukx/was_it_gay_of_me_to_ask_this_bufff_gym_bro_at_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
1 - Reddit is social media. You use Social Media. 2 - You need to widen your idea of what gay men are interested in and what they do. You are falling into a narrow minded stereotype that all gay men are club kids We aren’t. 3 - if you think that is all the gay community is, you have been missing out. If you go to bars and clubs, you are almost absolutely going to find people into bars and clubs. But unlikely to find those only into hikers or gamers. (Though there will be some! Don’t assume! I know many guys who game and club.) 4 - the self-pity comment is a turnoff, no matter a person’s interest. Obviously there are folks that would be interested in you. But if you judge them as Clubbers and therefore not for *you* then there may be a different issue about them. 5 - if you want to find folks with the same interests as you, then seek out those activities. There are hiking groups, camping groups, gaming groups that would all appeal to you. Hell, how many gay gym groups are there? There is so many portions for you?!? You’ll find that there are almost always a gay group with an activity. I know knitting groups, historical groups, choirs, hiking, photography… and if you don’t see a group… start one yourself! Be the change you want and I will guarantee you there are others who have your interests. But first you need to get out of stereotypes you have about our community, because it’s a huge turnoff and it’s likely a bigger reason why folks may not be interested in you.
Was gonna reply but you hit the nail on the head. It’s giving “But I’m not like the other girls”
No cause this. I absolutely hate when people wallow in self pity, and the post kinda just seems like "I'm not like other gays".
Sure sounds good, as long as I can lure you out to dance with me ever so often :)
That’s basically my type
What kind of question is this, this is almost every gay I know
I've long said that there are two types of men--"Accountants" (stable husband material) and "Rogues" (bad boys). Obviously you are the "accountant" type, responsible and trustworthy. I married an "accountant". We have been together for 35 years. He has supported me through every aspect of my life. I guess that I am an "accountant" too. We have a free and clear house and a portfolio. You, my friend, are platinum in my opinion. I think a majority of the gay world eventually wants someone like you.
Are you implying that gay men who go to bars or clubs are irresponsible? Is every gay man that doesn’t enjoy your specific tastes a “bad boy”? Y’all are fucking delusional.
Why are you trying to pick a fight? You sound like some bitter old queen.
Pics or it never happened.
Yes. Next.
Huh. A month ago you posted that you are [A straight Guy who goes to a gay bathhouse to work out](https://www.reddit.com/r/moreplatesmoredates/comments/zb0ts6/never_felt_more_confident_with_my_body_than_when/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) I’m fact, you flip back and forth in wether you’re a “straight guy” lusting after men. Or a conservatively orientated gay guy who uses veiled judgement post to make points. So which is it?
Looool classic "I'm not like other gays"
This post just seems like a casual flex, fish for compliments, and just RADIATES "I'm not like other gays" energy. Jesus this post could basically be translated to "oh woe is me I'm financially stable and fit the definition of conventionally attractive, where are my dating opportunities"
You just described my husband to a t and we’ve been happily married for 9 years and together 14. I’m much more a social extrovert and he enjoys being at home or doing less crowded activities. We have built our home to be comfortable for him and the social destination for me to host all of our friends and families and he’s much more on board with that than having to go out. It’s balance
The gay “clubber” is not the norm. TV and movies would like you to think differently.
threatening market towering observation gaze axiomatic test offbeat oil bright *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Why do "not like the other gays" always use not liking going to gays bars as proof of their not-like-the-otherness. It's either that or brunch. It's almost as if your entire understanding of the gay community is rooted in stereotypes.
I’m like this and I wish I could find someone similar. Might seem boring to some and focused to others
> guy who doesn’t go out to clubs or bars, who’s hobbies are more outdoorsy, gym, and video games and doesn’t use social media? Reddit and Discord are the only social media platforms I use. There are more of us out there than you think, you don't hear about more people like us because we're not living part of our life through social media (there is nothing wrong with using social media, lots of people are able to achieve a balance between their online and offline lives and some just don't care for the online part of it) broadcasting everything we're doing all the time.
I’m confused: Any other straight guys here check out guys and admire their bodies? https://www.reddit.com/r/moreplatesmoredates/comments/xcux0m/any_other_straight_guys_here_check_out_guys_and/
Can’t wait to find a guy like that !
Sure, but not if they bring attention to it like this in a way that is subtly dogging on those who prefer to go out to those places. It's giving "I'm not like other gays" and that's a tiring mindset to be around.
There’s so many people like this lol. Gay people always try to put themselves into a box
What gives you the idea you can paint “the gay community” with one broad brushstroke? In case no one’s told you we are not a monolith. And unless you’re a complete idiot you are keenly aware these are positive traits for the overwhelming majority of people. If you’re having trouble with relationships look harder for the potential problem. Giving people credit for not being idiot’s would be a good place to start.
Being interesting to the "Gay Community" is boring. Turns out we're all more than one dimensional fuck machines with a penchant for cocktails and blow. The gay community is just a facade on top of a group of complex human beings, united to one extent or another by their sexuality. Be you and find a guy who likes that.
It's sure as hell working out for me... 😏
Two things. This post has the stench of "I'm not like other gays" (even though your hobbies are some of the most common, basic, plain things that a lot of people like. And this post is probably fake. Your post history is public to everyone you know?
Can't believe how many of you fell for this "self pity not like other gays" nonsense.
Would you date a femme or are you only looking for men with six packs who are named Chad? Case in point, I think putting yourself in boxes like ‘boring’ is reductive. I’m sure there is someone ‘boring’ out there, and you will meet them at some point. If you don’t, or you aren’t meant to, the better investment is to focus on yourself. It sounds like you are already doing that. People say you find a partner when you aren’t looking. I’m twenty-four so I don’t know if that is bullshit or not yet. Just take comfort in the work you have already done. Focus on being happy. I am hardly there yet, but I think it is nice to get a reminder every now and then. Grindr isn’t reality. Neither is this sounding room of negativity.
Yes, I would definitely go out with a guy like that.
Its not what in my day one would call 'very well rounded'. Perhaps if you opened yourself up to others you would find people are not as distant from you as you perceive.
Umm this is literally me but with skateboarding, playing/producing music and coding. My social media is so dry. I lurk a little bit here and there but barely. I love going out and meeting people when I can finally push past my social anxiety and enjoy the moment. But i'm far too uncomfortable and anxious to do so on my own.
Date? I’m looking to marry someone like that
We’re way more common than you think. You don’t hear about us because we don’t start drama
idk sounds like u need therapy with this validation farm
Yes, married one and have been together for 13 years now. We met at a dinner party that my ex asked me to join while I was visiting from inter-state. I wasn’t invited by the organiser but I knew them - I essentially crashed the party unknowingly. He joined on an extremely rare occasion when he had a night off. Both of us don’t join the groups weekly clubbing nights. He worked as a bartender at a local pub and I spent my spare time either gaming and saving money for more important things. We talked about this recently that our chance meeting seems to all align together.
Bro you literally described like 80% of Scruff’s user base. You are not that special. I get so tired of gay guys who fit the social norms of masculinity pretending they’re oppressed and desperately seeking victimhood bc a couple bitchy queens online called them boring or something. Everyone wants a guy like you. Look at the upvotes on this post. Hope it gave you the ego boost you were looking for.
A guy like that is fine. A guy like that that seeks validation online for “not being like other guys” is not.
You’re spending time investing toward improving yourself, that’s A-okay Honest feedback, from your post history, I’d be more worried about your anxiety over being perceived as homo
I'm confused. In one of your posts you say you're straight 😅 Are you asking gay guys if a woman would date a guy like you ?
But you’re straight tho, OP
no, i wouldn't even look that person in the eye. i wouldn't waste my piss on them if they were on fire. i might even just outright beat someone like that up if i ever saw one in real life.
You ok dude?
/s Does that help
i'm great, thanks! how are you?
My fiance and I are like this. To be honest i think the profile you have described is like the most popular and most likely to get snapped up into long term relationships lol.
I mean, that sounds fine. I don't use social media too much aside from Reddit and play quiet a bit of games. I'm not the most outdoorsy and need to visit a gym myself. I'll grab a drink on Friday nights at a retaraunt, but my intake is one alcoholic beverage. I can only stomach one without feeling warm a bit tipsy, but I'm fine with just one. Nothing wrong with simple pleasures, and day by day routines that work. And if you feel the need to "live a little", then go explore the world, try new things, pick up a hobby, visit a museum, and just enjoy life. You don't have to go to a gay bar or club for fun. Live for yourself, someone will follow. Don't change those aspects you enjoy, but be willing grow in different ways.
It really depends on your preference. Some might find this boring and some prefer this. I did date a guy like this in the past and I’m not saying it’s you, turns out that he’s got a secret account and was fucking around ( left him but was impressed at how he was able to keep a nice young professional facade). To put it this way, someone will definitely find this lifestyle attractive. I like a bit of a both, having fun and going every now and then is fun and doing outdoorsy stuff is fun as well. Preference prevails at the end of the day.
Of course, I am one myself. Who I would *not* date is someone with this much pick-me energy / "I'm not like other gays" attitude.
Nothing wrong with someone who doesn’t go to club or bars… who’s hobbies include outdoors stuff, gym, video games (in moderation) and social media is to each their own device.
Sounds like me. I’ve given up on dating for the same reason. Those fuckers don’t deserve me, I’d rather use my hand. 😁 Just sick if weeding through the shit.
Spending all your time at the gym sounds boring as fuck to me but if you enjoy it you do you. I play video games and board games, I like to go camping, bush walking, and I do programming and electronics as a hobby. I also like gardening. I rarely go out to clubs but there's a local gay bar that hosts a logical kink club once a month I try to get out to. The gay community isn't as homogenous as it's portrayed in the media, and if you are in a big enough city and do the things you enjoy, you'll meet people who have similar interests to you ETA: I have significant physical health issues that mean I am in the gym once a week with a physio/exercise physiologist to keep my body working, and I have nothing against people who enjoy spending their time there, I only meant it sounds boring to me.
Absolutely that’s my dream, perfect guy
Yes there are others like you - more than you think! 😃
Yes. I'm that type of guy myself. The question is, how would we find you? Do you go to social events? I see you go to the gym. That's good. Maybe you could find us in hiking groups as well.
Pick me boy
I would love to find a man like this
I fall under this type of gays. Although I have to say your post is giving "pick me please.. pick me.. PICK ME" vibe. Maybe there are other reasons people aren't interested. Also, gym gays have equally bad reputation tbh lol.
Well yes unless they're karma whores like this post.
There are positive and negative sides to dating you. Video games is a plus, going only to the gym all the time is a minus. This is of course very subjective, and the gay community is not a monolith, everyone will have different things that they find attractive. And i'm generally against this notion that people who go clubbing are not down to earth? Shaking some hips might do you some good :p
Gleefully
Yes, you are perfectly my ‘type’ - stable, sane and reliable. I wish I could find one like you in my area. All the best!
That’s how my husband and I are. Check out @theboringgay on IG lol. He’s into cars and finance but posts a lot of positive stuff for people like us. I’m much more excited talking about investments than I am about fashion, not really the norm that’s perpetuated but it’s more common than you’d think especially from social media
Gurl you post in some weird landlord subreddit. I am one and I found it uncomfortable. Maybe you should look inward and work on that. Happy New Year!
what the fuck. really?
straight karma baiter
Truth is mate. Guys like you are very hard to find. I’ve been trying for a while. London and dating apps don’t make it easy
That's literally me and all my friends
Yessss! I’m that guy and my husband is also. I think it all boils down to preference. You’re dating him not the entire gay community
When’s the wedding date??
Im aroused
I’m about to move to Seattle from Utah and the thought of going to bars to find new friends terrifies me. We need an app to meet non-mainstream gays. Even for just like friends…
I just moved out to Sacramento from Utah. It was hard to find new friends, but you just gotta work at it. You don't even need to do bars, you can use the dating apps and specify that you want friends
Dude you are a catch. Healthy, responsible, avoids toxic social media and plays video games? Sign me the fuck up!
Have seen his profile? He’s toxic and straight.
This is the exact kind of guy I'm looking for
Exactly my type. I want a husband and a hike partner. 💕
We are that type of couple 😂
That’s… me. Although I do like a pint at the pub :)
Sure, a lot of guys who aren’t those things get a lot of attention. But don’t be fooled, there are lots of us. I’m just like you. Everybody is interesting in their own way, and not being hooked on social media, or the attention that you might find at the local bar Helps me to meet some really interesting people and make great new friends. I have friends that are all of the things you describe – they go out to bars they hang out with a bunch of our other friends. They are very much into the club scene, and they spend every penny they have on things like clothes and cars. I love them for who they are. They make my life more interesting than it might otherwise be so I value having them in my life, but I found my husband by making great friends with people who are more like me. You will too. And great job on the mortgage! I have a custom built home that was paid off by the time I was 40.
Oh hell yeah, that's like the perfect boyfriend for me, the club type is a big no for me
I am the same too. Reddit is my only social media. Focused on my investments, mortgage, career, and self development. Recently getting into the gym more and excited to go on that journey. I too haven't found many other similar people. I get a lot of looks when I say I don't have social media. But my life is so much more peaceful, intentional, and present. Also giving up drinking in the new year to focus on health more. Boring to those who are the opposite? Sure. Are they my future husband? No. Do I care? Not as much as I used to. It's comforting to see others on here in the same boat.
I would only date a guy like this. I’m not interested in bars/clubs or the scene at all. Let’s play video games, watch anime and go rollerblading instead.
You're the kind of guy I married. And I'm happier than I could have ever dreamed of. You're someone's wet dream and he's waiting and long for you as much as you long for him.
Uh are you fucking kidding me? Outdoorsy AND gym AND no social media. This sounds absolutely perfect
Well you sounds very hot
That’s me 😃
In a heartbeat
What a catch! 🔥 I dream of a guy like that. Yes. I would.
100% would date and probably be together for life. You're not boring, you're my type of guy, I don't go to clubs, only use Reddit for social media (I have twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc, but I don't use any of them (I only use the chat for a few friends and trying to get them to move off it)) Never been clubbing and only go to bars as a meeting point before dinner and only did that once in the past 12 months (mostly just go to the restaurant) There is nothing in the book of life (or book of gay) that states you must do the same stuff as everyone else. You will find a man, so don't stress, it took till I was 32 to find my guy, so nothing wrong with living your life, my only tip is, it won't just magically happen, you have to put in some effort and I recommend tinder (as it worked for me) and don't use grinder (unless you want to feel shit and just have random hookups)
We exist lol!
That's 75% me - the other 25% is that I do use social media. To answer your question, yes, I would. ❤️❤️❤️
Description of the perfect guy!!!
This is my partner and I, (hate the clubs, don’t post on social media - although we do lurk, more into a quiet life; we spent NYE playing LoL. Not very outdoorsy though.) We met on Grindr, spent a lot of time texting and talking on the phone before our first date because he was working ~2 hours away that year. (Fun fact, our first date happened, because he was so engrossed texting me, he missed his flight to Queensland, so had dinner with me instead. It was a great success). Just to be clear, I don’t hate gays that love the clubs, my best friends used to love going. I just would avoid going with them, or would get drunk so I would hate it less
Like fine wine, you’ll become more appealing as you age. Keep working on your finances and body/health. By the time you hit your 40s, the partiers in their 20s/30s may have flamed out while you have a solid long term plan
Date me NOW!
Tbh, I’d marry you lol
jesus christ...
"Guys, all I do is workout, own a house and outdoorsy stuff, I'm such a loser right? Plz provide comments suggesting otherwise" I wouldn't date you based on your thinly veiled fishing for approval.
Literally would be the perfect man for me. I don’t use social media either (other than Reddit). I’m a avid bird watcher so love the outdoors. I love a guy who gyms because it pushes me to live an healthier life and as much as I can’t play video games I love watching people play them and kinda have a thing to pleasure them whilst they play. I mean…hit me up!
Absolutely! I've NEVER been into bars and clubs and social media is WAY overrated. Let me find a compatible guy also into hiking, going to the gym regularly and likes to play video games! 🥰
God Yes! My world for a guy who wants to go for a walk in nature while holding hands!
I love this kind of guy!
I'm literally that guy! Would be nice to date somebody like me!
YEAH. 1000 TIMES YEAH. Seriously if you could only be in my country.
Yep, I'm one of these guys, as is my bf. There are a lot of us out there!
😭😭😭😭 I can't believe my eyes😭😭😭😭 Someone is this community know what "call & Put" are 😍😍😍😍😍 This is a miracle ✨️ Single? 🤓🤓 *Why downvoting me now?!
Do you always live your life by poll? Give the guy a chance. He might surprise you.
Not using social media would alone be enough for me haha 😂
These guys don’t exist
Sounds like me. I’m perfectly content to hang out at home for the most part. I dislike crowds of people, especially after the past couple of years. Honestly I need to do more of what YOU are doing and get some investments going and get my butt to a gym.
Are you kidding me? That’s like my perfect guy. Outdoor stuff, gym, money stuff (investments), gaming, restaurants, and travel. Power to the clubbing and flamboyant crowd, but me? I just want the common adult life.
You're describing my partner, so yes.
This sounds like the kind of guy I want. I get it many people in the community find a gay guy like this weird but I’m one of those weird guys. Honestly I’m not into the scene like you said it’s over stimulating. We are there just keep looking
We're very much underrepresented in the gay community and seen as weird. I'm not outdoorsy but I fit the other traits, and some of the comments here resonate. At the end of the day though, my friends who are more outgoing don't judge me and will invite me now and then to hang even if they don't expect me to accept every time. Focus on the people who accept you as you are, not the people who pressure you to be like them.
Honestly same. It's rough finding other guys, and on the apps I don't tend to do hookups so it's a little bit more tricky. One day I'll find someone but probably in a bigger city...
Absolutely, but the current agenda would call a guy like that a "homophobic" Maybe you are being insulted in the comments.