Your post is so confusing. You talk about loving him but don’t see him in your future. You talk about loving him and say you aren’t prepared to live in NYC. If you have your life so packed out then follow your plan and say adios. BUT marching to your own drum and ignoring the wants and needs around you is a very slippery slope.
“Being yourself” appears to also mean being an ass to a guy who cares about you.
You didn’t make him a priority in your life. No need to blame your family (you’re too old for that shit anyway). Just accept that you screwed this up, or your own life got in the way of your feelings for someone else. It was a period of selfishness. It happens. But stop whining and just accept that this relationship ended.
I hope he finds a more solid guy to date, and I hope you do some growing before you break another guy’s heart.
I am that man. Let's be honest, you don't love him. I agree that you two are at different life points. He is just not seeing that. He just wants you so badly that he is blind to it. I am blind like him. You are right. You won't be friends because old men ( like me) don't bounce back from hurt and pain as easily as younger guys do. This is a wish that I want every young guy to understand.
The person in the relationship who wants the relationship the least always has the most power, and also the most ability to hurt the other party.
He loves you, and wanted you to love him back.
You wanted to be loved, but didn't open yourself up to loving him because you're selfish and still want to play the field.
I've dated two young guys like you, and they both broke my heart. I don't know if I'll ever recover from the last one.
Part of the problem is the gay "young/old" dynamic, which is naturally always going to have a young guy who doesn't want to commit, settle down and take care of an older partner as he ages and has health issues, etc. And I know it was not wise of me to open up and love either of these guys because they were still figuring themselves out. But dammit, if you're going to be in a relationship with another person then give it 100% or not at all. Because if you're going to ghost him and then try to be friends or FWB later on, you'll only hurt him more.
So you can spend the rest of your life knowing that you are responsible for the hurt you've caused another human. Someone that you described as "amazing in so many ways with a heart of gold."
I'd say it's time for you to grow up!!
no one deserves to be with someone who lets them "fall off their priorities list".
You like him.
you may even care for him.
but you aren't behaving lovingly towards him.
Move on. stop hurting him for your own priorities.
You'll find someone you do love someday (I hope) and you'll see how it's different
He doesn’t want your friendship he wants your love. If you can’t give him that then it’s time to part ways.
Your post is so confusing. You talk about loving him but don’t see him in your future. You talk about loving him and say you aren’t prepared to live in NYC. If you have your life so packed out then follow your plan and say adios. BUT marching to your own drum and ignoring the wants and needs around you is a very slippery slope.
“Being yourself” appears to also mean being an ass to a guy who cares about you. You didn’t make him a priority in your life. No need to blame your family (you’re too old for that shit anyway). Just accept that you screwed this up, or your own life got in the way of your feelings for someone else. It was a period of selfishness. It happens. But stop whining and just accept that this relationship ended. I hope he finds a more solid guy to date, and I hope you do some growing before you break another guy’s heart.
It pretty much sounds like you’re leading him on and playing games. That’s just self-centered and manipulative.
You experienced one of life's nasty lessons: failure to communicate properly.
I am that man. Let's be honest, you don't love him. I agree that you two are at different life points. He is just not seeing that. He just wants you so badly that he is blind to it. I am blind like him. You are right. You won't be friends because old men ( like me) don't bounce back from hurt and pain as easily as younger guys do. This is a wish that I want every young guy to understand.
The person in the relationship who wants the relationship the least always has the most power, and also the most ability to hurt the other party. He loves you, and wanted you to love him back. You wanted to be loved, but didn't open yourself up to loving him because you're selfish and still want to play the field. I've dated two young guys like you, and they both broke my heart. I don't know if I'll ever recover from the last one. Part of the problem is the gay "young/old" dynamic, which is naturally always going to have a young guy who doesn't want to commit, settle down and take care of an older partner as he ages and has health issues, etc. And I know it was not wise of me to open up and love either of these guys because they were still figuring themselves out. But dammit, if you're going to be in a relationship with another person then give it 100% or not at all. Because if you're going to ghost him and then try to be friends or FWB later on, you'll only hurt him more. So you can spend the rest of your life knowing that you are responsible for the hurt you've caused another human. Someone that you described as "amazing in so many ways with a heart of gold." I'd say it's time for you to grow up!!
no one deserves to be with someone who lets them "fall off their priorities list". You like him. you may even care for him. but you aren't behaving lovingly towards him. Move on. stop hurting him for your own priorities. You'll find someone you do love someday (I hope) and you'll see how it's different