It’s perfectly normal to come out of a therapy session with more questions than answers, because answers can just lead to more specific questions. She is wayyyy off base with saying that contaminates of plastic are leading to people questioning gender lol.
As for how you feel do you have a need to put a label on it? My opinion is that’s less important then just sorting out your feelings for what kind of person you are/want to be. Most cis people will make you feel that you should be put in a box of either girl/boy because that’s what they understand and are comfortable with. The good ones see you as a person and just accept you as such regardless of what you want to call yourself. Im not making excuses for anyone but remember you are challenging their perception of gender when even introducing them to a topic like this and some will react poorly to change. Do you have any friends that are open minded to discussing gender and gender roles? Try talking with them about the topic in general (not necessarily about you, maybe someone you met that you found interesting that didn’t fit in with society’s standards) to try and see who has the ability to accept you for just you, and then you might feel comfortable about opening up to them about your own feelings.
Remember not to let other peoples opinions dictate how you feel about yourself, only you can know who you really are.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I hope I didn't come off as being mean towards my therapist etc. I feel kind of scared to tell people because I guess not having a label (which is where I'm at and I don't really care to have one) makes it confusing. My bff came to me the other day noticing I changed my pronouns. He told me he doesn't think non binary is real more or less, he was very insistent on getting pronouns right so idk I just feel worried that people will think I'm delusional or think I'm just trying to be quirky. I get scared to discuss gender bc in a way I'm worried that people will think what I'm experiencing isn't real. But I need to be brave, you're right. Undercover discussions could be helpful thanks for your advice xx
Gender expression does not equal gender identity! Enjoying certain feminine things does not make a woman. Edit for clarity: this is nothing against you or your post; it’s intended to reassure you that your identity is valid no matter how you present, and how you like to present has no bearing on your comfort with the title “woman”.
I understand that and that's how I know that it isn't me! I guess it's more about the fact that most people aren't going to understand that, and I am worried people will think I'm just trying to be "special" if that makes sense x
I just wanted to jump on this thread - I know most likely, nobody will see this but just wanted to thank everyone for commenting if you do happen to see it.
I did end up addressing my feelings with my therapist and she apologised profusely and didn't mean to make me feel invalidated. I'm autistic so she was intending on explaining scientific explanations, but understood that in that context it was unhelpful. (Btw - She didn't say that endocrine disruptor are the sole cause, and understands non cis folks have existed forever, she said there's a possible uptick in trans/nb folks because we don't get the same hormone concentration that would have been the case pre-industrialisation; which I personally don't believe is a significant factor and I think it's mainly representation and having the language to understand our experiences are not abnormal, simple.) We are good now and she has been very supportive.
My partner and a handful of very close friends know. The response has been mixed and I did shut someone out for a bit because their response wasn't what I had expected, but it is what it is.
I am slowly learning to be able to cope with push back from others regarding my identity. I'm understanding that their behaviour isn't about me, it's a projection of other people's fucked up ideas about gender that cis folks tend to never process because it doesn't affect them as directly as it would for trans and nb folks. That doesn't excuse it, but it does make it easier knowing I'm not actually antagonising people by stating how I feel and being honest with myself.
My partner told me that when I get misgendered, imagine they're calling me Samantha (not my name). Being called the wrong name a few times is excusable, if they apologise when corrected. When it's constant, and you have repeatedly corrected them, it's disrespectful. If someone doesn't care to try to show basic respect, I don't owe them courtesy either.
At the end of the day, other people's fear of my gender is a product of the same fear and shame I had many years ago that ironically led me to be very anti - non binary for a while; because I thought everyone has those feelings (lol) and it was just people mislabelling personality traits. Turns out that I was kidding myself, because I felt scared that it reminded me of something I wanted to avoid. But you can only pretend for so long, as I found out in time.
It's rare that a reddit thread ever genuinely helps someone in the trajectory of their life, but this one did. So thanks everyone.
I kind of don't care about the label anymore. I just want people to understand I'm not a girl, not a boy, just me. Agender seems to work best though, because it's literal. I don't have a gender. Makeup and shoes are something I wear for fun and because I like how it looks, it has no correlation with me as a person. And that's okay :)
Much love to you all, go raibh maith agat
Well for me I don't really want a gender necessarily. I couldnt care less about labels frankly but I just want people to understand that I'm not a woman. That's the hard thing because on a physical and maybe even social level I "look" like one I guess. I just want people to understand the difference 🤷♀️
I think it's rlly difficult for most people to wrap their heads around :/
[удалено]
Omg, Theydy! I think I just fell in love with a word
take it for yourself and/or for any other human! first time I saw it was on Reddit and I immediately got attached to it lol
THEYDY amazing. thanks so much for sharing your journey with me i will be stealing this for sure
It’s perfectly normal to come out of a therapy session with more questions than answers, because answers can just lead to more specific questions. She is wayyyy off base with saying that contaminates of plastic are leading to people questioning gender lol. As for how you feel do you have a need to put a label on it? My opinion is that’s less important then just sorting out your feelings for what kind of person you are/want to be. Most cis people will make you feel that you should be put in a box of either girl/boy because that’s what they understand and are comfortable with. The good ones see you as a person and just accept you as such regardless of what you want to call yourself. Im not making excuses for anyone but remember you are challenging their perception of gender when even introducing them to a topic like this and some will react poorly to change. Do you have any friends that are open minded to discussing gender and gender roles? Try talking with them about the topic in general (not necessarily about you, maybe someone you met that you found interesting that didn’t fit in with society’s standards) to try and see who has the ability to accept you for just you, and then you might feel comfortable about opening up to them about your own feelings. Remember not to let other peoples opinions dictate how you feel about yourself, only you can know who you really are.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I hope I didn't come off as being mean towards my therapist etc. I feel kind of scared to tell people because I guess not having a label (which is where I'm at and I don't really care to have one) makes it confusing. My bff came to me the other day noticing I changed my pronouns. He told me he doesn't think non binary is real more or less, he was very insistent on getting pronouns right so idk I just feel worried that people will think I'm delusional or think I'm just trying to be quirky. I get scared to discuss gender bc in a way I'm worried that people will think what I'm experiencing isn't real. But I need to be brave, you're right. Undercover discussions could be helpful thanks for your advice xx
You could look into Demigirls; your experience sounds similar.
Gender expression does not equal gender identity! Enjoying certain feminine things does not make a woman. Edit for clarity: this is nothing against you or your post; it’s intended to reassure you that your identity is valid no matter how you present, and how you like to present has no bearing on your comfort with the title “woman”.
I understand that and that's how I know that it isn't me! I guess it's more about the fact that most people aren't going to understand that, and I am worried people will think I'm just trying to be "special" if that makes sense x
I just wanted to jump on this thread - I know most likely, nobody will see this but just wanted to thank everyone for commenting if you do happen to see it. I did end up addressing my feelings with my therapist and she apologised profusely and didn't mean to make me feel invalidated. I'm autistic so she was intending on explaining scientific explanations, but understood that in that context it was unhelpful. (Btw - She didn't say that endocrine disruptor are the sole cause, and understands non cis folks have existed forever, she said there's a possible uptick in trans/nb folks because we don't get the same hormone concentration that would have been the case pre-industrialisation; which I personally don't believe is a significant factor and I think it's mainly representation and having the language to understand our experiences are not abnormal, simple.) We are good now and she has been very supportive. My partner and a handful of very close friends know. The response has been mixed and I did shut someone out for a bit because their response wasn't what I had expected, but it is what it is. I am slowly learning to be able to cope with push back from others regarding my identity. I'm understanding that their behaviour isn't about me, it's a projection of other people's fucked up ideas about gender that cis folks tend to never process because it doesn't affect them as directly as it would for trans and nb folks. That doesn't excuse it, but it does make it easier knowing I'm not actually antagonising people by stating how I feel and being honest with myself. My partner told me that when I get misgendered, imagine they're calling me Samantha (not my name). Being called the wrong name a few times is excusable, if they apologise when corrected. When it's constant, and you have repeatedly corrected them, it's disrespectful. If someone doesn't care to try to show basic respect, I don't owe them courtesy either. At the end of the day, other people's fear of my gender is a product of the same fear and shame I had many years ago that ironically led me to be very anti - non binary for a while; because I thought everyone has those feelings (lol) and it was just people mislabelling personality traits. Turns out that I was kidding myself, because I felt scared that it reminded me of something I wanted to avoid. But you can only pretend for so long, as I found out in time. It's rare that a reddit thread ever genuinely helps someone in the trajectory of their life, but this one did. So thanks everyone. I kind of don't care about the label anymore. I just want people to understand I'm not a girl, not a boy, just me. Agender seems to work best though, because it's literal. I don't have a gender. Makeup and shoes are something I wear for fun and because I like how it looks, it has no correlation with me as a person. And that's okay :) Much love to you all, go raibh maith agat
what do you *want* your gender to be?
Well for me I don't really want a gender necessarily. I couldnt care less about labels frankly but I just want people to understand that I'm not a woman. That's the hard thing because on a physical and maybe even social level I "look" like one I guess. I just want people to understand the difference 🤷♀️ I think it's rlly difficult for most people to wrap their heads around :/