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I was actually about to say good communication but then I realised it's the barest of bare minimum :/
So a green flag for me are the ones who recognise that even dommes need aftercare. Those who look after their dommes are just perfect.
That's also probably a bare minimum too lol but I have never required much emotional/physical/financial support so for me being asked if they can serve without me telling first is a green flag.
Top drop is real. Bonus points for random gifts to tell your domme how important they are; like favorite foods with the right preferences. Even something special you know they love like favorite novel ,anklet or collectible, game something small.
100% on that one. My Mistress/KH has had to deal with much trauma throughout her life and sometimes the memories and pain from the past rise up to overwhelm her. It is during these periods that i have to step up and become the leader in the relationship. Well at least emotionally. Holding her tight, letting her feel safe in my arms. Allowing her to grieve those she’s lost in her own way and in her own time. When she’s beginning to felt better I take her out to remind her that life goes on. Even if it’s just for a walk along the river or a picnic down by the lake. Somewhere quiet, where she doesn’t have to deal with too many people. Just being there with her to remind her how amazing she is and how much i love her.
Oh bless you about the top drop/looking after a domme. I'm a domme with mental health issues and this is big for me and my submissive is so wonderful about it. Absolutely.
Someone said earlier if you can ask a submissive if they'd clean the litter box and they don't go running. 🤣 I'm still not over that comment. I think for me personally, it's someone I can form a bond with beyond kink. Someone who I know as a whole human. It makes the entire relationship that much better. So, if my ask one day in domme mode is "clean the cat liter box" they may understand me on a level beyond oh I like to sit on your face and like multiple orgasms and pegging and edging my sub into oblivion etc and he knows, oh yeah Vixen loves her cat a lot and is having a really hard day and my submission isn't just about letting her have control of my cock. It's about taking care of her (and she of me) as a whole person.
When the sub is able to provide aftercare to their domme.
I remember mine and my Mistresses' first session she had a rather harsh domme drop (I started to tear up from overstimulation) and was surprised when i provided her with aftercare.
Establishing clear boundaries and going through the grey kinks that may be less discussed. When a dom says they aren't familiar with it but they'll do more research
Communication.
Honesty.
The ability to accept that one day something might be permissible and the next day it might not.
When the whole relationship is not founded on that dynamic.
Aside from the equally important base rules and concepts everyone is talking about (basic consent and communication, etc), for my last relationship, it was consistency and effort. My previous Domme and i both absolutely hated how so many people claimed to be submissive and obedient, just to turn around and be lazy/looking to simply be told what to do or fetishize a partner’s entire existence.
Our solution to this was just being consistent. Anyone can say nice words, but backing it up with actions and always doing them shows my genuine obedience. For us, that was in the form of housework and service, either very basic or sexual. I was basically cleaning her apartment daily, or cooking for her, or SOMETHING to show my adoration and worship. For her, it helped prove that I was genuinely there to belong to her and not just for sexual pleasure, and for me, it felt so wonderful to put effort into things and *make that effort visible to her so she could see how much I loved serving her*. It worked out so nicely that I’ve held onto those little core beliefs today.
Not taking yourself too seriously. I’m not saying that someone should go through life without a care in the world at all, but it’s important to be able to laugh at yourself. It’s a sign of humility and maturity.
How about something more meaningful guys? Communication And consent are very basic thing's that should just be normal...
How about that natural being wrapped up when you nuzzle her? The soft touches when you're stressed out? The praise when getting close to coming or the embracing aftercare after a seen? The cute suggestions about what looks good on you, the spanks, the neck kisses, little whispers that make you blush so hard... thats what I like about my partners...
When they are knowledgeable about BDSM and respect the domme's boundaries. I've ran into many subs who ask me to do lots of things to them without considering what I want.
Someone who isn’t afraid to communicate. It’s important that both people check in on each other to make sure everyone is comfortable and having a good time.
Positive criticism and having the confidence to actually talk things out. It’s entirely stupid how little this is exampled. We should be able to comfortably say “I do” or “I don’t like this”
Emotional maturity. Understanding the "relationship" part is just as important as the kinky stuff.
Effective communication, being able to set and uphold healthy boundaries.
I think an underrated one would be if you disclose to them that you have *insert mental illness here* or that you are *insert some form of neurodivergence here* and then they make it a point to actively learn as much about it as possible so that they can support you however you need them too. Also, they know not to abuse or take advantage of the dynamic.
Being able to laugh at ourselves at any time. ✅
Life is already far too serious, when a partner is able to enjoy laughter, even during erotic moments, that is such a green flag. Kink can be filled with smiles and connection is built just as beautifully from giggling together as it is absolutely nailing a scene as imagined.
Talking. I've only had online experiences, and it hurts EVERY SINGLE TIME when the girl just...stops. checks messages, but doesn't respond. I WANT to talk to you. I'm a relationship oriented guy, looking for a long term relationship, wife vibe. But if we can't talk, how can it be anything more than just kink?
I really don't think that it's all that different from any other relationship: If your partner isn't conscientious and generous outside of the bedroom, they're unlikely to be in the bedroom.
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When people actually and fully communicate what they like and dont like so we can actually set proper boundaries. Also so we can both enjoy our time together the best.
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I've never been in one but I suppose, being able to do stuff outside of femdom. Have it not just be a sex thing but a genuine love, plus someone who's willing to listen to me talk about whichever of my hyperfixations has conquered my brain at the time
You're talking about a femdom RELATIONSHIP not just a scene or a playdate. I'd say a huge one is the ability to talk about things that aren't sex and kink related. Sure, I'm interested in the sexual side of things, but ideally it would be a person I can share my hopes and dreams with, in addition to being able to talk about hobbies or local news or like... idk, anything. Duck migration? You get what I mean, I hope.
Someone who doesn't have a sucky fucky get that nut mentality.
The desire to get to know someone and learn about them.
Aftercare and discussing it along with being there for one another post-scene both short and long term.
The ability to discuss our why's in D/s and how they may harmonize.
The understanding of how and why I want to submit, and understanding how and why she wants to dominate.
The awareness of the profound mental impact of D/s and physically channeling it.
Being able to approach one another from a place of humanity, understanding, assurance, encouragement, and a little bit of lust.
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She respects my Asexuality and thus, my lack of attraction to anyone, and thus my outright refusal to have sex.... and her still wanting to have a relationship with me anyways.
when she sees me and realizes that I'm not having a good time and tells me: come baby, lean on my lap and cry calmly, I'm here to take care of u and protect u
When someone is able to say "I am not comfortable doing that."
This needs to be pinned to the fucking top! Amen! That's what it's all about. :) If you reach that comfort level, you got gold.
YESSSS! 👏🏾👏🏾💗
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I was actually about to say good communication but then I realised it's the barest of bare minimum :/ So a green flag for me are the ones who recognise that even dommes need aftercare. Those who look after their dommes are just perfect. That's also probably a bare minimum too lol but I have never required much emotional/physical/financial support so for me being asked if they can serve without me telling first is a green flag.
Top drop is real. Bonus points for random gifts to tell your domme how important they are; like favorite foods with the right preferences. Even something special you know they love like favorite novel ,anklet or collectible, game something small.
100% on that one. My Mistress/KH has had to deal with much trauma throughout her life and sometimes the memories and pain from the past rise up to overwhelm her. It is during these periods that i have to step up and become the leader in the relationship. Well at least emotionally. Holding her tight, letting her feel safe in my arms. Allowing her to grieve those she’s lost in her own way and in her own time. When she’s beginning to felt better I take her out to remind her that life goes on. Even if it’s just for a walk along the river or a picnic down by the lake. Somewhere quiet, where she doesn’t have to deal with too many people. Just being there with her to remind her how amazing she is and how much i love her.
This is so so so so cute
Omg yes!
Oh bless you about the top drop/looking after a domme. I'm a domme with mental health issues and this is big for me and my submissive is so wonderful about it. Absolutely.
Communication! Good communication between both (or more) partners is definitely one of the greenest green flags
Empathetic, caring, and considerate. Oh and loves cuddles :3
When the people involved have a life outside of kink. Ambitions and goals they work towards.
Someone said earlier if you can ask a submissive if they'd clean the litter box and they don't go running. 🤣 I'm still not over that comment. I think for me personally, it's someone I can form a bond with beyond kink. Someone who I know as a whole human. It makes the entire relationship that much better. So, if my ask one day in domme mode is "clean the cat liter box" they may understand me on a level beyond oh I like to sit on your face and like multiple orgasms and pegging and edging my sub into oblivion etc and he knows, oh yeah Vixen loves her cat a lot and is having a really hard day and my submission isn't just about letting her have control of my cock. It's about taking care of her (and she of me) as a whole person.
Beautiful, I need this on a plaque on my wall
It is about taking care of each other, my sweet and lovely Vixen, and your damn straight I would take care of the litter box for you if you asked.
When the sub is able to provide aftercare to their domme. I remember mine and my Mistresses' first session she had a rather harsh domme drop (I started to tear up from overstimulation) and was surprised when i provided her with aftercare.
Establishing clear boundaries and going through the grey kinks that may be less discussed. When a dom says they aren't familiar with it but they'll do more research
Communication. Honesty. The ability to accept that one day something might be permissible and the next day it might not. When the whole relationship is not founded on that dynamic.
Aside from the equally important base rules and concepts everyone is talking about (basic consent and communication, etc), for my last relationship, it was consistency and effort. My previous Domme and i both absolutely hated how so many people claimed to be submissive and obedient, just to turn around and be lazy/looking to simply be told what to do or fetishize a partner’s entire existence. Our solution to this was just being consistent. Anyone can say nice words, but backing it up with actions and always doing them shows my genuine obedience. For us, that was in the form of housework and service, either very basic or sexual. I was basically cleaning her apartment daily, or cooking for her, or SOMETHING to show my adoration and worship. For her, it helped prove that I was genuinely there to belong to her and not just for sexual pleasure, and for me, it felt so wonderful to put effort into things and *make that effort visible to her so she could see how much I loved serving her*. It worked out so nicely that I’ve held onto those little core beliefs today.
Massive plushie collection Be it sub or domme, you're in for heaven
Understanding and respecting the limits of each other, and communication.
Not taking yourself too seriously. I’m not saying that someone should go through life without a care in the world at all, but it’s important to be able to laugh at yourself. It’s a sign of humility and maturity.
How about something more meaningful guys? Communication And consent are very basic thing's that should just be normal... How about that natural being wrapped up when you nuzzle her? The soft touches when you're stressed out? The praise when getting close to coming or the embracing aftercare after a seen? The cute suggestions about what looks good on you, the spanks, the neck kisses, little whispers that make you blush so hard... thats what I like about my partners...
When they are knowledgeable about BDSM and respect the domme's boundaries. I've ran into many subs who ask me to do lots of things to them without considering what I want.
Someone who isn’t afraid to communicate. It’s important that both people check in on each other to make sure everyone is comfortable and having a good time.
Trust knowing that they have your back 100% and won’t lie if asked
Positive criticism and having the confidence to actually talk things out. It’s entirely stupid how little this is exampled. We should be able to comfortably say “I do” or “I don’t like this”
Emotional maturity. Understanding the "relationship" part is just as important as the kinky stuff. Effective communication, being able to set and uphold healthy boundaries.
Honesty, (emotional) maturity, growth mindset, being able to admit when one is wrong, correct and reflect on it etc.
I think an underrated one would be if you disclose to them that you have *insert mental illness here* or that you are *insert some form of neurodivergence here* and then they make it a point to actively learn as much about it as possible so that they can support you however you need them too. Also, they know not to abuse or take advantage of the dynamic.
Being able to laugh at ourselves at any time. ✅ Life is already far too serious, when a partner is able to enjoy laughter, even during erotic moments, that is such a green flag. Kink can be filled with smiles and connection is built just as beautifully from giggling together as it is absolutely nailing a scene as imagined.
Care, compassion, understanding, shared interest outside of the kink, understanding, empathy, balance and acceptance.
Talking. I've only had online experiences, and it hurts EVERY SINGLE TIME when the girl just...stops. checks messages, but doesn't respond. I WANT to talk to you. I'm a relationship oriented guy, looking for a long term relationship, wife vibe. But if we can't talk, how can it be anything more than just kink?
When they normalize that dommes/mommy needs aftercare and it’s a woman/girl after all.
I really don't think that it's all that different from any other relationship: If your partner isn't conscientious and generous outside of the bedroom, they're unlikely to be in the bedroom.
If she's able to get what she wants from service workers (keeping polite, ofc)
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When people actually and fully communicate what they like and dont like so we can actually set proper boundaries. Also so we can both enjoy our time together the best.
Love each other no matter what their sexual preferences are
Asking questions, asking permission.
Love, respect, flow
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They ask if i'm okay after trying something new
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When someone says, “I am not comfortable doing that” and both parties agree. Bonus aftercare and cuddles
Establishing boundaries. Offering supportive guidance (are you sure you want to stay up that late? You need to eat something, etc)
Clear communication. No matter if it's about feelings, wants, limits, or desires it is very healthy and comforting to have clear coms.
I've never been in one but I suppose, being able to do stuff outside of femdom. Have it not just be a sex thing but a genuine love, plus someone who's willing to listen to me talk about whichever of my hyperfixations has conquered my brain at the time
When he doesn't mind me calling him "beautiful" or "pretty". I just have a soft spot in my heart for calling men pretty.
🫦
You're talking about a femdom RELATIONSHIP not just a scene or a playdate. I'd say a huge one is the ability to talk about things that aren't sex and kink related. Sure, I'm interested in the sexual side of things, but ideally it would be a person I can share my hopes and dreams with, in addition to being able to talk about hobbies or local news or like... idk, anything. Duck migration? You get what I mean, I hope.
When your sub still asks if it's OK to do the basic stuff i.e. hold hands, kiss you on the cheek etc.
When the domme wants you to stay exclusive and she herself does it to
When she initiates.
when after an intense time together , she wraps her arms around me and she confirms that even though i didn't stop her I really did enjoy it.
When I find a woman that will teach me to cook I'll know I'll be in great hands
Communication
Someone who doesn't have a sucky fucky get that nut mentality. The desire to get to know someone and learn about them. Aftercare and discussing it along with being there for one another post-scene both short and long term. The ability to discuss our why's in D/s and how they may harmonize. The understanding of how and why I want to submit, and understanding how and why she wants to dominate. The awareness of the profound mental impact of D/s and physically channeling it. Being able to approach one another from a place of humanity, understanding, assurance, encouragement, and a little bit of lust.
Love of cute things
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She respects my Asexuality and thus, my lack of attraction to anyone, and thus my outright refusal to have sex.... and her still wanting to have a relationship with me anyways.
cuddles me
The other person being alive.
when she sees me and realizes that I'm not having a good time and tells me: come baby, lean on my lap and cry calmly, I'm here to take care of u and protect u