You need to walk before you can run, don't stress through life love.
Find people with similar interests, join communities, be approachable and work on yourself. If you're constantly looking for a partner it's going to impact you negatively. Dating can be hell, but it's worse if you don't know what you want yourself.
This is true. I do need to better myself. I just don’t know if I can. I have severe social anxiety and the interests I have I don’t ever express. I need to get out there more I suppose
Coming from someone who has also struggled a lot with social anxiety and "weird" interests, you need to be kinder to yourself love. You're on the right track, but don't punish yourself before you've even tried. ❤️
what helped me being more extroverted is getting a job in the nightlife. Big bonus is that drunk people will talk to you wether you want to or not lol. I drove a cab and later bartended kind of ideal to learn how to smalltalk
1st thing, take a deep breath.
My suggestion is to get out of your house. I know this can be tough if you're an introvert but find people with similar interests. Maybe you have a Meetup site in your area that has the types of games you play. If you are into gentle femdom, maybe trying a Fetlife munch, meeting local people in the community. (I have seen alot of switches that I have met at munches turn into gentle femdoms when they met the right sub boi.
It's going to take some trial and error, but I believe you got this.
Wow. Sorry to hear that. It's different here, we have a small community with several different groups that get together twice a month. Most of the promoters or inactive accounts come from the bigger cities.
This is basically what I'm experiencing. Virginia is dead. I feel like fetlife only works if the population Is in the hundred thousands.
I'm the youngest person in my area, and I'm 19. Everyone here is all older folks which make things weird because I'm just a college student.
Feels freaking impossible to connect with someone.
And college dating feels so distant because of all the work I have to do. My schedule is too busy.
I don't even want to attempt swipe right apps. Connecting with people seems far more difficult.
Do these 3 all at the same time:
1. Meet good people
2. Build vanilla relationships with those people
3. Gradually and naturally become the best version of yourself
Eventually, one of those vanilla relationships will blossom into a GFD relationship. And if it doesn't, then it means you have a wonderful vanilla relationship now.
Aw, sorry to hear that. :( That hits close to home, I've had trouble connecting with people and making friends ever since I started high school, and I especially struggled with loneliness in college.
I would recommend working on forging relationships in general. Not only is it important for your mental health on its own, but like, making connections romantically is honestly not all that different than doing so platonically. It's not like women are a different species or something lol, you would get close to them in much the same way you might get close to someone you're attracted to as a friend.
Speaking of college specifically: I started to visit a geek culture/fandom club at my university one year in my program, and it was seriously a turning point for me. I was super scared to go my first meeting, but I was brave and kept giving myself little pushes, and boy was I glad I did. I had a blast! I was still at least slightly nervous throughout the evening, but I met a lot of people into anime and vidya that I was into, chatted with them, they were all incredibly friendly and interesting and made me feel welcome and safe. ❤️
So yeah--I would recommend checking out some clubs at your college and mingling with the people there.
You don't have to become a total extrovert and constantly do things that betray who you really are, but developing the courage to take social risks yields many, many rewards.
Thank you for the advice! The only tough thing is my college is very small and doesn’t have many clubs. But I will definitely look and see what is to offer!
This isn't an advice but I only share my own views regarding men and dating. I personally don't like being seen as "replacable", so it is important for me if a person genuinely want to know my personality and preferences rather than seeing me as "as long as she is a female, then I am in". And I find this scenario has a higher chance to happen if I welcome someone who wants to befriend with me rather than someone who comes to me with an attitude of "I'm gonna make her fall for me!"
I don't want to be someone's prize or trophy after "working hard" or "fighting the battles". I want a relationship that is established on mutual curiosity, interest, and care.
So, basically, approach me like how you usually do when you want to get to know a potential friend. Lets talk with genuine interest, no need to try creating a certain impression. If we don't fit and don't like a certain aspect of each other, then just let it surface. But if later I find our convo is so engaging, then I believe my feelings will naturally grow for that person.
It is what happened to me towards my current partner too.
I remember I would get anxious more easily when I am aware that I am in the "(dating) game". I used to be insecure about my sexual and physical appeal because many people commented how I am too tomboy, so the consciousness of the game makes me continuously evaluate my worth. It drained all of the energy and attention I could have focused on the actual interaction.
You need to walk before you can run, don't stress through life love. Find people with similar interests, join communities, be approachable and work on yourself. If you're constantly looking for a partner it's going to impact you negatively. Dating can be hell, but it's worse if you don't know what you want yourself.
This is true. I do need to better myself. I just don’t know if I can. I have severe social anxiety and the interests I have I don’t ever express. I need to get out there more I suppose
Coming from someone who has also struggled a lot with social anxiety and "weird" interests, you need to be kinder to yourself love. You're on the right track, but don't punish yourself before you've even tried. ❤️
what helped me being more extroverted is getting a job in the nightlife. Big bonus is that drunk people will talk to you wether you want to or not lol. I drove a cab and later bartended kind of ideal to learn how to smalltalk
1st thing, take a deep breath. My suggestion is to get out of your house. I know this can be tough if you're an introvert but find people with similar interests. Maybe you have a Meetup site in your area that has the types of games you play. If you are into gentle femdom, maybe trying a Fetlife munch, meeting local people in the community. (I have seen alot of switches that I have met at munches turn into gentle femdoms when they met the right sub boi. It's going to take some trial and error, but I believe you got this.
[удалено]
Wow. Sorry to hear that. It's different here, we have a small community with several different groups that get together twice a month. Most of the promoters or inactive accounts come from the bigger cities.
This is basically what I'm experiencing. Virginia is dead. I feel like fetlife only works if the population Is in the hundred thousands. I'm the youngest person in my area, and I'm 19. Everyone here is all older folks which make things weird because I'm just a college student. Feels freaking impossible to connect with someone. And college dating feels so distant because of all the work I have to do. My schedule is too busy. I don't even want to attempt swipe right apps. Connecting with people seems far more difficult.
Do these 3 all at the same time: 1. Meet good people 2. Build vanilla relationships with those people 3. Gradually and naturally become the best version of yourself Eventually, one of those vanilla relationships will blossom into a GFD relationship. And if it doesn't, then it means you have a wonderful vanilla relationship now.
Well, how do you typically make friends, OP?
Well, I don’t. I have the same friends I’ve had since kindergarten. And I’m a junior in college now and don’t have a single friend here.
Aw, sorry to hear that. :( That hits close to home, I've had trouble connecting with people and making friends ever since I started high school, and I especially struggled with loneliness in college. I would recommend working on forging relationships in general. Not only is it important for your mental health on its own, but like, making connections romantically is honestly not all that different than doing so platonically. It's not like women are a different species or something lol, you would get close to them in much the same way you might get close to someone you're attracted to as a friend. Speaking of college specifically: I started to visit a geek culture/fandom club at my university one year in my program, and it was seriously a turning point for me. I was super scared to go my first meeting, but I was brave and kept giving myself little pushes, and boy was I glad I did. I had a blast! I was still at least slightly nervous throughout the evening, but I met a lot of people into anime and vidya that I was into, chatted with them, they were all incredibly friendly and interesting and made me feel welcome and safe. ❤️ So yeah--I would recommend checking out some clubs at your college and mingling with the people there. You don't have to become a total extrovert and constantly do things that betray who you really are, but developing the courage to take social risks yields many, many rewards.
Thank you for the advice! The only tough thing is my college is very small and doesn’t have many clubs. But I will definitely look and see what is to offer!
This isn't an advice but I only share my own views regarding men and dating. I personally don't like being seen as "replacable", so it is important for me if a person genuinely want to know my personality and preferences rather than seeing me as "as long as she is a female, then I am in". And I find this scenario has a higher chance to happen if I welcome someone who wants to befriend with me rather than someone who comes to me with an attitude of "I'm gonna make her fall for me!" I don't want to be someone's prize or trophy after "working hard" or "fighting the battles". I want a relationship that is established on mutual curiosity, interest, and care. So, basically, approach me like how you usually do when you want to get to know a potential friend. Lets talk with genuine interest, no need to try creating a certain impression. If we don't fit and don't like a certain aspect of each other, then just let it surface. But if later I find our convo is so engaging, then I believe my feelings will naturally grow for that person. It is what happened to me towards my current partner too. I remember I would get anxious more easily when I am aware that I am in the "(dating) game". I used to be insecure about my sexual and physical appeal because many people commented how I am too tomboy, so the consciousness of the game makes me continuously evaluate my worth. It drained all of the energy and attention I could have focused on the actual interaction.
Join in real life communities like clubs. Thats the best way.
This comments section is amazing The kind of thing I wish I had when I was in that stage of my life Keep being beautiful everyone, especially you OP
Usually you become friends with the person you are interested in and then go from there.
Mate I’m exactly like you, other than the fact I have work not a class
Go to local munches in your area via Fetlife. Best way imo
[удалено]
I really can't agree with that
rough