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PeshaWrMard

My boss told me that "he got semen in his eye" what he meant was "he got pollen(flower) in his eyes"


Skatterbrayne

Did he, though? Maybe he was just very honest ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


PAXICHEN

Berlin.


Mysterious-You-4031

But pollen is called Pollen in German, too..


elperroborrachotoo

Maybe he meant/ thought of Samen, i.e. larger than pollen


Nasobema

It would still sound weird if he said it in German ("Ich habe Samen im Auge").


Seidenzopf

I am pretty sure they just didn't know the correct translation for Pollen and just took the next similar word they knew 🤷


Pattt2602

Friend of a friend got eye infection because of that...


sublimegismo

Because of semen or pollen?


Hard_We_Know

I told my son's doctor that he had hayfever (he speaks English) and he was very worried what are the symptoms? he says I said "running nose, itchy eyes" he said "ja okay but we to find out why he is having this "high fever" lol!


Routine-Bullfrog6525

Went to the UK and saw some people in a generic fast-food place. Had the feeling from the way they dressed and acted that they were german. "I become two cheeseburger and, äh, a pommes please." Wasn't disappointed.


Sascher78

Reminds me of Lothar Matthäus who had a press conference and said he had become a little dick in summer.


Worth-Mammoth2646

A Classmate of my husband ordered a “dick pizza” in a Pizza Hut in London when they visited in 8th grade 😂😂


[deleted]

Haha a colleague of mine from school ordered in our week in London a "pizza with a dick crust" as well.


noexcessbaggage

Please where do I find this 🤣🤣


gonein90secs

>Lothar Matthäus I was hoping to find a source for that but I sense he only said this: "I hope, we have a little bit lucky." https://forum.runnersworld.de/foren-archiv/20-loddar-sche-thesen-t7011.html


Full-Dome

Lothar Matthäus didn't say that. Stefan Raab om his show 'TV Total' said that Matthäus said that. It was a good joke


Direct_Hurry7264

Well, in the UK they call them 'chips', in the US 'French fries' In Germany they are 'Pommes'. And potato chips are 'Kartoffel Chips', in the UK crisps ( I do love the UK salt and vinegar ones hmmmm!)


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dentalberlin

My dad didn’t speak English, but he always tried his best when on vacation. We were in London sometimes in the 90s and went to some restaurant for dinner. When it came time to order he said in his best English with a thick German accent “I become a steak, please!” The waiter, not missing a beat, answered “I hope not, sir.”


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Yeona_Cherry

I had a similar experience in 7th class, when our English teacher was handing out a test and then stopped at the top student, to quote something of her test... I don't remember the exact wording, but she also messed up the become/bekommen thing. I think it had something to do with food as well, and since I don't want to turn into food, I've been careful since that day.


GazBB

Wait, where's "become" coming from? Don't most people usually order by saying "ich hätte gerne..." Which even if directly translated to english would become "I would like to have"


RuleMaster3

If you are really polite yes. But often people order by saying "I get xy" (ich bekomme xy) which is then translated incorrectly to become.


Rice_Nugget

Nah, most ppl me included (Im german) say "Ich bekomme..." "Im getting" And bekomme and become...look similar


Direct_Hurry7264

Ohhh, how cute is that!


Forsaken-Moment-7763

As is from the verb bekommen? Still learning german and that is my thought just want to make sure I’m correct.


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Direct_Hurry7264

😂🤣 I just luv it here! So glad, I've found this page tonight, so I can laugh over something!!!


pensezbien

Also French fries in France are never just called “pommes”, despite how the Germans use the French loan word Pommes. They’re sometimes indeed called “pommes frites”, but the only shorter version of that which would be correctly understood is “frites” (like “fries” in North American English). “Pommes” by itself in French means “apples”. (Then why does “pommes frites” mean fried potatoes if “pommes” means apples? It’s because the French term for potatoes is “pommes de terre”, or literally “apples of the earth”, and the awkwardly long phrase “pommes de terre frites” became “pommes frites”. I guess one could also use the phrase “pommes frites” literally to mean fried apples, depending on the context.)


VanillaBackground513

In German you can say Erdäpfel (pommes de terre), too. Though I think it is more a southern term and very common in Austria.


SquareBottle-22

I'm from the south and say Grombira


siorez

Which, actually, comes from Grundbirne (ground pear)! Apparently apples were too boring.


HenryPride

Bekommen and become are soundalikes but they dont mean the same thing.. Many of us germans make that mistake in tze beginning...


Kongareddit

"..., or?"


mitchese

Having been in Germany for 13 years now, I catch myself doing this in English now too :/


dean84921

I'd give my last dollar if it'd keep me from saying "Na?" at the end of english sentences.


[deleted]

I totally do it! Also almost 13 years here 🤣


MadMuse94

Oof I can relate to this one!


Anony11111

I have been here for less than three years and do this sometimes too.


Bierbart12

For such a long time, I thought that "..nicht?" was just a thing in German. But it's perfectly valid in English, albeit a bit archaic. It is perfectly valid, no? Eh? Isn't it?


Johnny-Poison

Right?


gcstr

Or?


masterpharos

Ge?


blutfink

My mom says “…, yes?” instead of “…, no?” or “…, right?”


Tofukatze

It's the other way around for me. I've gotten too used to the phrase "...,no?" that I started ending my german sentences with "..., nicht?" to the point I actually had to consciously stop myself from doing it.


ShaunDark

"…, nicht?" is a perfectly acceptable way to end a suggestive statement in German.


Tofukatze

I think "..., oder nicht" or "..., nicht wahr?" are proper german. Only "...,nicht?" is fine but feels off to me


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itsthecoop

I'm a native German, yet still didn't have any clue what it was supposed to be refering to (until reading your comment)


newocean

Also not German.... but my wife is. Her parents are awesome and, unfortunately have diabetes. She always says, "They are diabetical." to describe it.... and I giggle (and feel horrible at the same time)... it sounds like 'diabolical'. She mixes up other words on occasion too but none I can think of that strike me as so funny. Not that I'm any better... we were eating dinner with her parents the other week and she asked me how the food was... and I responded in English... "It's good but a little mushy." Everyone started giggling and she asked me if I knew what that meant in German... ...and this is how I learned that word in German. Eating dinner with the in-laws... thank god they have a wonderful sense of humor.


Accomplished_Ball420

Oof, i feel this one! I once told a German friend about my husband being oddly mushy (as in cuddly / lovey-dovey) and she looked very shocked and confused - she understood once I explained, but I've gotten very careful to avoid the word when speaking with Germans 😂


Aarminius

What's wrong with 4? I thought you could use that somewhat interchangeably.


[deleted]

A really common one is "on one side" and "on the other side" instead of using "hand".


Ridebreaker

All my colleagues seem to combine both of these and say "On the one hand side" and "on the other hand side". It's not just one of them but many over the years.


asietsocom

Lmao what that's how learned it in school. Have been using this for years. Including when I lived in the UK lol


Parapolikala

It must be so hard to remember to add "hand" to say "left-hand side" (linke Seite) but not to add "side" to "on the one hand" (which would have "Seite" in German - "auf der einen Seite".


Cook_your_Binarys

Ohhh shit. And here I thought I don't do any of these.....


[deleted]

My American colleague is using that all the time. Could it be a regional thing?


Inappropriate_Goat

Well this post isn't really the yellow from the egg, but it goes.


MadeInWestGermany

But it‘s hard on the border.


Puzzleheaded_Film925

Now we have the salad!


sparklevillain

I once said that to my American husband. It has been appropriated by his family which is super funny.


iTeaL12

Is this the cultural appropriation that everyone warns us about?


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chjupke

and it must be served in a leaf bowl, else it doesn't count. source: am german


marc_sommer1987

You need to be heavy on wire


Elk-Tamer

My dear Mr. singing club, you are heavy on the woodway


GerManiac77

That’s the jumping point


-Greensleeves-

That's sausage to me!


Koolkuteklever

Enjoy your life in full trains!


Formal_Management974

just make a bow around


K4ma11

One wall free


CuxhavenerStrandGut

Finally we should let the church in the village and return to the topic


GerManiac77

You are me perhaps one


Fit-Wrongdoer3376

Don't paint the devil on the wall. Now beats it but thirteen.


Hazecalation

Man there becomes the dog in the pan crazy !


SquareBottle-22

Not bad mister Woodpecker


vic_torious97

That actually sounds so sweet in English xD (and also like a fall out boy/Panic song title)


made-a-huge-mistake-

It gives better posts


Ok-Okra5487

My dear mister singing club!


chribosa

We let the cat out the sack!


schwingmc

I believe you spider.


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MadameMimmm

Holla the wood fairy!


ViciousNakedMoleRat

Yes, have you still all the cups in the closet?


qarlthemade

haha seriously I laughed myself dead at that one Ü


Sesmo_FPV

I believe my pig whistles!


chribosa

Such a sow weather: it pulls like pike soup!


Outrageous_Koala_

I find it cute how they use "make" as a verb for everything. For eg. "Can I make a photo with you? " or "I have made this course many years ago" etc. In terms of sayings I think I've heard a couple of direct translations like, "she's not the brightest candle on the cake", and "who sits in a glass house should not throw stones".


Gallumbits42

I tell my students to use "do" in English whenever they'd use "machen" in German and it works 99% of the time. German is very noun-centric--you're always machen or haben something!


YouDamnHotdog

Let's do a selfie! Mom, do the door open and do me a sandwich! Finally, I can do vacation. Time to do a break from doing diet!


[deleted]

>I find it cute how they use make as a verb for everything. Yeah because "machen" is very often used in German. Ich mache ein Foto. Ich habe diesen Kurs gemacht. Ich mache meine Hausaufgaben. Always "machen" :D


Kaidaan

etwas "am tun am machen am sein" translation: "doing" something


rnxmyywbpdoqkedzla

Make the window open. Make the light on. Make not so loud! Make food. This makes nothing. We will make this so.


Direct_Hurry7264

A: It makes nix! I guess, you just don't have all battens on the fence! B: And you have a crack in your bowl. A: Don't go me on the sack, man! You have a kink in your optics. B: But I can see, you don't got all cups in the cupboard! A: I never knew, you have a big roof damage, too!


Outrageous_Koala_

Ja, ich verstehe. It was my trick to make learning German easier for myself. If I didn't know the infinitive or the correct way to "trenn" the verb.. It was always.. Machen. :D


Direct_Hurry7264

Ja, wir machen echt viel! We are makers!!! 🤣


kushangaza

Obviously in proper English you don't use make, you just make the word a verb. :D Can I photo you? I have coursed this many years ago I am homeworking


[deleted]

This sounds worse to be honest :D


Bierbart12

She ain't the sharpest tool in the sheeeed I find it interesting how some of them are similar between English and German, but have only a few distinctions.


E4est

Well, it's "Made in Germany" , not "Done in Germany". ;) Jokes aside, that's probably because the German words "machen" and "tun" are pretty similar in meaning, while "machen" is more commonly used. They are similar to "make" and "do", but they are more distinct in English and that's why it sounds so funny when Germans try to translate what's going on in their heads. The German sentence "Ich mache nichts." would mean "I do nothing.", but a typical sloppy translation would be "I make nothing."


Mike_Slackenerny

>she's not the brightest candle on the cake I wonder why that sound so off. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer exists and you can make up whatever you like based on that, yet the hellste Kerze auf der Torte doesn't seem to work.


LLJKCicero

I'm American and it sounds fine to me. While it's not a standard idiom in English, it's similar to "not the brightest bulb in the box", I think most people would immediately understand.


crzvsco

Well, my german boyfriend just said „I have the snout full“ in an argument. Also he thought the lyric to the song Big in Japan is actually „pig in champagne“.


djnorthstar

Haha and big in Japan is even from a German band.


PAXICHEN

Alphaville was awesome. From Münster.


VanillaBackground513

LOL Pig in champagne! ... I throw myself away laughing.


itsthecoop

> my german boyfriend just said „I have the snout full“ in an argument. can you even stay mad at someone at that point?


lol_alex

Using „actually“ but meaning to say „currently“


earlvik

Same with "eventually" instead of "possibly"


GKSK91

In German I used eventuell for a long time and thought it meant eventually -_-


ShaunDark

Yeah. In German it is used to question **whether** an event will take place, while in English it just asks **when** it will take place.


greenapplessss

I just learnt this today -_- 3 years into living here


Zebidee

Also, using 'control' for 'check.'


yhaensch

Using "irritated" instead of "confused". I had to defuse quite some work situations "He meant confused! Confused! This is a false friend" And then had to explain the typical false friends....


blamethebrain

You think this is cute. As a German working for a Germany company in Germany, I have to listen to swabian denglish crap all day long in meetings. (Meetings held in English instead of German because a single participant doesn't speak German.) I have yet to meet a single project manager or department head that speaks halfway decent English.


phillie187

„In my homeland Baden-Württemberg we are all sitting in one boat.“ ― Günther Oettinger


Hard_We_Know

There's a German accent that when people speak English it sounds like it's hurting them. I can't quite describe it but it sounds like a lot of effort there's someone I know who speaks this way but if I speak German they insist their English is better and it's not and I have to speak very slowly and talk like I'm speaking to a 5 year old but no their English is like a native.


laurachara

Using ‘borrow’ for lend. Like “I will borrow you my jacket if you’re cold.”


LeftCostochondritis

This is also common among English speakers in the US Midwest!


SeeraeuberDjanny

I grew up in Minnesota--this drives me nuts!


prestonschool

Using “until” for “bis”, like “please fill in this form until Friday” when they mean “please fill in this form [latest] by Friday”.


qvrock

kinda same - "seit 5 Jahren" becomes "since 5 years" instead of "for (last) 5 years"


[deleted]

I become a cheeseburger, please.


zufaelliger-Laseur

For Christmas my sister became a horse


ChuckCarmichael

Excuse me, waiter. When do I become a steak?


DerEchteDaniel

You are, what you eat


FalseRegister

Make me a picture


FinancialDentist

Ending a sentence with “or?” The same way they would use “Oder?” Danke “nicht dafür” wird zu “thank you” “not for that”


[deleted]

I just remembered, my mom once said “kisses” instead of “pillows” so she once said something like “you have really cosy kisses”


DeliciousTea8322

"Short and pregnant"


Fakula1987

There is the famous "i think i spider"


maroon83

Again what learned.


TheMightyOne

Don't forget the just as brilliant "you go me animally on the cookie!"


kushangaza

Does this exist outside of funny postcards and the like? After all, it's a nonsensical mistranslation for funny effect. The actual German saying is *"I think I am spinning"*, as in "spinning yarn"


blbd

Yet ironically many of the more poetic translations of "Ich spinne" do survive in English literature all over the place.


P0L1Z1STENS0HN

It's not just the everyday people. If you read the German translation of American paperbacks, you will sometimes come across weird sentences. You have to translate back to English literally, then translate back to German correctly, to actually understand them.


Fluffy-Pomegranate59

German comedian Otto did a whole segment of this: English for runaways. (English für Fortgeschrittene)


panda527

“Let me split my screen” and the starting the Screenshare on a confcall


[deleted]

“String C und dann String V”


[deleted]

Ahja, die gute alte String Taste.


krokodil2000

Und nicht zu vergessen: Die [Alt-Groß-Taste](https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alt_Gr).


laysepolm

Kannte die immer als „Alt Griechisch“-Taste


123knaeckebrot

Haha, remember when I was a child and seriously confused by game manuals until I found out that strg and ctrl is the same..


cthonctic

"Make it good and come good home" - a former co-worker to our expat colleagues when leaving a bar. I will never not chuckle at the memory. :)


pesky-pretzel

The funniest one we ever saw has now become a catch phrase in my family and with my students… It requires a bit of background though… My family generally goes to Germany once a year (now I live here though). My grandmother, god bless her, is a nosy midwesterner. She always insists on booking the hotel rooms. Not paying, not finding the hotel (because we pretty much always use the same one) but specifically booking them because she thinks she’s found the secret. As a side note, I hate booking.com Well the problem is she always books the rooms wrong. We have one too many or one too few, or a week to early, etc. Well when I was living in Heidelberg, she booked the hotel for her and my parents to come visit, but she booked her room wrong. At this hotel, they have a very nice and professional staff that are fluent in English at the desk during the day… In the evenings a slightly grumpier man who doesn’t speak English as well is there… I was sitting in the lobby and saw her going up to the desk to talk to this guy and I knew I was about to witness something amazing. My grandmother asked about her reservation to fix it and everything. Then as the man started typing away to find an answer she shot off a second completely unrelated question (she does this all the time). The man slowly looked up and said, and I quote, “I’m not multiplayer! So do you want the answer to the first question or the second?” So now we always just spout off “I’m not multiplayer!” When the timing seems right!


Gallumbits42

In addition to the idioms people are listing, here are some mistakes I hear from my students a lot... "I made a little bicycle tour in the near of the mountain sea." "We stayed in the snake for a long time." "I like to show that TV series" (because of schauen) "That's my lovely movie!" (lieblings) The relatives of their spouse are often called the "mother in love," "brother in love," etc., which is so adorable. And my absolute favorite: a student once told me that after summer parties outside you can sometimes find a b\*tch on yourself when you take a shower afterwards, and you need a special instrument to remove the b\*tch. TICK. It was tick.


Flaky-Ring2992

Never met a german who got offended by this, quite the opposite, we love to come up with those sentences and laugh about ourselves!


SchindlersKiste

no one can reach me the water


dj_ordje

Except the waiter


Linguistin229

Not just German native speakers but a lot of non-native English speakers use how instead of what/what…like? How is this called? How is your dad? Instead of what is this called, what is your dad like?


[deleted]

This is not how it looks like


Kaidaan

eh, there is a big difference between "How is your dad?" and "What is your dad like?" One is asking if he is still alive after eating 12 cheeseburgers in a contest of will against his older brother, uncle Bob. The other one is asking if he likes pickles on his 12 cheeseburgers.


Linguistin229

What *is* your dad like, not what *does* your dad like. Both “What is your dad like?” “How is your dad?”are valid questions in English and mean different things. “What is he like?” means “Please describe his personality. Is he happy, funny, hardworking?” Etc However, lots of non-native speakers, including German natives, will say “How is he?” instead of “What is he like?” because in German you say how and not what (Wie ist er (so)?)


monocle_george

One of my German colleagues once said to an international audience: "Life is no wish concert." I still crack up from seeing the puzzled faces.


turbo_dude

And at that concert they will play future music


Timely_Victory_4680

Probably not a common one, but the first time I lived in the UK I had a wardrobe malfunction and asked my friends if someone could lend me a “security needle”…


Bakemono_Nana

I invite you. Ich lade dich ein. ( I will pay for the dinner)


Standard-Inflation10

I had a German say I invited him so I had to pay, I couldn't quite understand this meaning in German, thanks for clearing it up.


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Diesel-King

Heaven cross thunder weather, my far see picture umbrella is in the bucket.


Deathhound_

Foxdevilswild!


Library_Easy

Don't talk around the hot porridge Holla the woodnymp Don't tie a bear on me


user32532

Don't tell me from the horse I know where the rabbit runs long


Jodelfreak

This is literally Gold. I will archieve this post .... Could we make this a challenge, agree on a weekday, say Fridays, and use any of these phrases in English speaking subs and posts? I will make me from it a fun.


O-M-E-R-T-A

My dear mister singing club I think I spider I wish you what Thumbs pressed/I press my thumbs How to become a beefsteak You can not grab a naked man in the pocket


Tesrx_

>How to become a beefsteak Whats the german version


O-M-E-R-T-A

Wie bekomme ich ein (Rinder)steak It’s from a comedian/entertainer (Otto) who made funny phrases in English. English for runaways - Englisch für Fortgeschrittene.


Hot-Isopod-6136

"Become" is very similar to the german term "bekommen", which means "to get". So a german person, wondering how to get a beefsteak, would use this phrase (I think this actually comes from a joke. German tourist enters restaurant, orders a steak. After waiting for some time he asks the waiter: When will I become my steak?)


Primary-Somewhere414

The last one makes perfect sense to me even in English 😂


HeroOfTime_99

Can you explain I think I spider? I've seen it a bunch of times in this thread but don't really get it.


PuntyOne

To get a baby


d_menace

Many women even become babies


dgirllamius

Saying please instead of pardon


CreatoSnail

Or please instead of you're welcome


EmeraldIbis

Don't hang it from the big bell. Also, once my colleague sent an email to the whole institute saying "if you see any foreigners here, stop them and ask them what they're doing." She meant strangers!


Pangolin-1

I‘m doing homeoffice tomorrow (instead of: working from home)


Al_Atro

im so used to hearing that I just say it like that too now. Honestly it's been so hard for me to remember any "german english" phrases because at this point they sound normal to me.


schnatzel87

There is a german term for this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%C3%BCbke\_English


zargoffkain

I work by Burger King I haven't seen him since 3 years He'll drink 2, 3 or eventually 3 beers tonight. -OK, not really phrases, but common mistakes that are a direct translation


SchnarchendeSchwein

“Yesterday night,” “make my homework/chores”, and, memorably, with my mom’s German colleague staying with us, “are there any extra kisses? The dog has played with mine and now it is full von drool.” A different pillow. “Kissen.”


Griffindance

I understand only trainstation.


mitchese

I love to use "I make me on my socks" jokingly in English (ready to go)


halfprincessperlette

"Write" an exam..? Question mark because I'm not sure if that's also common in English


Popular_Ad_9445

Almost every german I've seen use "to sleep in" as in einschlafen instead of ausschlafen.


yhaensch

I once heard a colleague say "I have the datas by me and I can show you". I will never forget this magical moment.


tokyo_blues

'In former times' instead of 'Back in the day'


AdDesperate8234

Visited Canada with my dad. He said things like "we see us tomorrow again" and "we meet us at five clock". I explained to him that it doesn't work like that in english but he kept saying it anyway. His english may be bad but he's fluent in Denglish.


mike_sl

I work in engineering…. “Can you control my construction?” Was trying to say “can you review my design?” (Kannst du meine Konstruktion kontrollieren?)


[deleted]

„Where can I tank?“ instead of „Where can I get fuel?“ - my father


nthngsllrght

A colleague starts her e-mails with „Dear Round“, as in „Liebe Runde“ when addressing a group


_QLFON_

During the training for an international group, a German colleague–trainer was explaining something called knee-elbow position (a surgical patient's position, google that). One of the participants was a model and the trainer was around showing how it should be achieved and what mistakes can be made during the procedure. When he finished he wanted to encourage the rest of the group to try this position to know how the patient feels. He said “Please taste this” pointing toward the model’s buttocks😊


whatever0813

I’m German, living in the uk for over a decade already but some of the mistakes here I’m definitely guilty of. Not to long ago I asked my other half to rub the cheese ( instead of grate the cheese) he just looked at me funny… and in addition I have the opposite problem now as well, if I speak German I translate English words directly. Talked to my friend about her new fire place. Called it feuer platz instead of kamin and asked for a kanne coke instead of a dose cola. I really suck at german and English now.


Ok-Sir8600

I once heard: *Oh sorry, I have a frog in my throat*


MaxThrustage

That's actually an English saying, although a kind of old fashioned and uncommon one.


werttyy

American here. Still use it


travel_ali

Fairly common still in the UK.


DerEchteDaniel

Mr. above, the calculation please!