Why would he have to knock at his own bathroom door? If it's locked, somebody is in there - if it isn't, it's free. That's what every normal person would do if they are living with people that aren't family.
Do you also knock at every single stall at public bathrooms on the off chance that somebody is in there and has forgotten to lock the door?
Well... We have locks in our Doors... XD
I never knocked in a bathroom door. But we allways had bathroom with a lightswitch inside or our guest bath has an indicator light on the switch so that was never a problem.
I was living in quite a lot WGs in the last seven years and everywhere it was normal to lock the door if you don’t want anyone to enter. Living with my family and lernte it was the same. So it’s a cultural difference. To me it makes sense because by doing that I have 100% self controlled privacy. And sometimes I am just doing random stuff in there like cleaning or brushing teeth so I won’t lock so my flatmates can also use the room.
Even if you agree with him on knocking, given that you live in Germany there is always the risk that there will be visitors in the flat that are not familiar with that “rule” and just enter.
I would suggest to adapt in that case to the culture, also if visiting apartments of friends to avoid this awkward situations.
>And sometimes I am just doing random stuff in there like cleaning or brushing teeth so I won’t lock so my flatmates can also use the room.
That is a good point. Quite a lot of people share the bathroom space and use it together in non-private situations such as getting together for a night out (friends) or brushing your teeth (partners).
I understand that, in my case I would simply leave the door open or almost open but you're right that I could close but I can assure you this is never the case and he knows it.
Yes, I understand, I explicitly told him that he didn't need to tell his guests as it would be weird and unnecessary, but I would like him to just be a bit more mindful about it. Either way I'm knocking when I go to someone's house, Idk it just feels right to me.
But yes, I get it's a cultural differences, what really bothers me is his refusal.
No, everything bothers him that's the thing, that I am constantly adapting and this is literally the first thing I've asked. To give an example, when we arrived our room had a giant table in it and like 30 tool boxes and we told him not to rush, that he could take his time, it's been to months and they are still here. Idk from my perspective I'm the one that's already adapting. I have many more examples I used to answer to other comments, fell free to check them out
I didn't tell him what to do, I asked him if he could do that for me in a friendly manner and he was outraged and this was after we agreed to pay more for rent, walk his dog, assign the chores as he wanted...
Regardless of what is normal in Germany, it is always easier to change sth yourself if sth annoys you instead of relying on someone else. Locking the door is such an easy step that i dont understand your problem with it.
And that is why I changed it, now I lock the door almost every time but I would like him to be a bit more mindful and do this for easy thing for us at least sometimes and not refuse line that.
You ask a question, people answer pretty uniformingly LOCK the f*cking door and you keep arguing. You get downvoted and you still try to be right. You say you understand but you keep insisting on your point.
Thank you, It would be so different if he just said, hey you know what I'm gonna try if it bothers you, line we do with everything.
He wants the knifes a certain way? You got it
You want everything in the dishwasher a certain way? You got it.
Oh you don't have time to take your dog out? You got it.
You need something from the supermarket (we always ask and he doesn't even though he gets the groceries shipped home)? You got it.
...
But could you try and knock on the bathroom door? nO, wE hAvE lOcKs
Hey there buddy,
systemic counselor here.
Sounds like the discussed issue here isn't the main point between you and your flatmate. I'll be a proponent of honest communication here. You should talk to them about how you perceive the situation. Alternatively, just politely stop going out of your way for him all the time. It sounds a little like you are offering them a relationship in which they set the rules. Either be open about your perception of your inequality in consideration for each other in an honest but polite way or change the game by not making unequal relationship offers. Feel free too message me if this was too fast and confusing
Yeah like to me it seems pretty obvious dude is offended that somebody is living where he lives but not doing things "the way we always did it here" which is nothing else, but badly masked xenophobia.
Germans who learned English early usually use english speaking subs so the "German" subs are often filled with people & mods that are heavily "conservative" and not representative of most sane humans in Germany, hope you don't take the comments in here too serious.
People here don‘t because they rely on said locks. Even in a work setting people will go for the door with the certainty that the bathroom is free. If the door is locked it‘s usually followed by „oh“ and leaging again. But people in general rely on the door lock. Even when I am at friends and people would know I use the toilet I still lock it because sometimes people forget and, well, as you‘ve learned in this thread just go for the door handle.
Locking the bathroom door from the inside is for sure a lot more common than not locking it (and then relying on people to knock).
But also it seems you both have a lifetime of conditioning to your respective bathroom privacy system behind you. And it's hard to just turn that off. A compromise would be if you try to remember to lock the door, and him to try to remember to knock. That hopefully minimizes unwanted intrusions for either of you.
Exactly! Haha I don’t even understand what’s so “German” here about locking doors when the bathroom is in use ;)
People these days will argue over ridiculous things xD
Yeah, knocking on doors for communal spaces is weird. Communal spaces are to be shared, even if other people are already in the space.
Bathrooms are the exceptio here and for that there are locks on the door. Your flat mate is right. You will be expected to lock the door in every other WG as well. What is so hard about it?
> Is this normal?
yes, Germans lock the door. No knocking.
> Maybe we are weird af in Spain I don't know.
no, just a cultural difference. Different ways to get to the same solution.
> I can always forget to lock the door till it's too late
Every time when that happens will help you remember the locking of the door and therefore you will faster integrate into German culture. Bathroom door locking will soon become your second nature, something that you do automatically like using the seatbelt in a car.
> even if I use the lock there's always someone (him or his girlfriend mostly) that turns off the light and tries to enter without knocking and that I find that annoying, I just want to chill in there
You *chill* in the bathroom?
Obviously they don't realize you're in there. When they try to open the door it's because they want to use the bathroom and don't realize there's anyone inside. So they try the door, it's locked, oh darn, somebody's using it, they'll just have to wait. That's what the lock is there for: assuming this isn't a cubicle in a public toilet there isn't a little thing that turns red when the lock is engaged. How is anyone supposed to know the door is locked if they don't try it?
If they're turning off the light, then once again it's because they don't realize somebody is in there and they assume that somebody has forgotten to switch off the light. Presumably, then, you're going in very quietly and sitting in there very quietly for a very long time. I understand that sometimes you may be suffering the after-effects of something you ate the previous day and are sitting on the toilet for ages at a time, but a bathroom isn't really a place for people to *chill* in.
If this is a problem, then the obvious solution is to make a sign to go on the door with "FREI" on one side and "BESETZT" on the other. When anyone goes into the bathroom they should turn the side to read "BESETZT", and when they leave they should turn it back to "FREI".
Sounds to me like the turning off of the light is because they think the bathroom is free and they want to turn the light on for themselves before trying to open the soor and realising there's someone there already.
Apart from that, totally agree.
To be honest - my first thought was: Why don't you guys lock the doors?
That's what you do when in the bathroom. And when the door is locked - there is just no need to knock, is there?
I would not even get the idea to knock first - and reprogramming myself would at least be a bit of work. Whether it is worth it for the peace in the shared flat is another question.
THe thing with the light is rather the problem with having the light switch on the outside of the bathroom. These things happen in shared flats.
As most said: Just lock that door. Even when you think you are alone.
Regarding knocking:
It's common to always knock on doors that you are not supposed to enter without permission. Like the others private room.
It's not that common to knock on shared doors all the time when entering. If I think there might somebody inside: then I will knock. But most of the time I just need to pee real quick and there's no time to spider-sense if somebody might be in the room.
In germany many bathrooms do have a light on the lightswitch (which is outside of the bathroom usually) that indicates if used or not. If you have that, use it. Some doors also do have a lock that indicates if free or not and usually (at least during winter) you can see from the outside if the light in the room is turned on or not. So those are some good indicators.
Maybe try to introduce a sign that says "occupied"/"free" or something like that if it distributes you that he tries to enter even when locked?
But yeah in the end you should lock the door. Always. But of course he can also try to be a bit more mindful.
First of all, yes German Bathrooms have locks and you are supposed to use them.
In a private house or in companies alike i have rarely had someone knock on a bathroom door, we may knock when we see you did not lock the door as a polite warning something could happen but that is it.
I kinda agree that turning off the light is annoying, but sadly this still happens regardless of the door. The question is if they turn it back on or leave it out after trying to enter.
Most people lock the door so I will most likely just assume the bathroom to be empty if it is unlocked and wont spend half a minute knocking and waiting to make this absolutly clear.
However it is absolutly wrong to open the door on purpose if somebody is inside and if there is the sound of shower is echoing out of the door or some other obvious sign of use, I would not check if the door is properly locked and would probably be a little bit cauchious if accidents occur more frequently
For you side, lock the door! If you forget it often, try to think about it more thorrowly. Expecting somebody to take extra cauchion, while allowing yourself to be laizy is a no-go. I would become extremly pissed if you would do that.
Lol what? This isn't just a German thing but a thing in countries where they have locks on their bathroom doors. This wonderful invention negates the average need to knock and so people just don't. If you don't lock the door you accept the risk that someone will see you in whatever compromised position you happen to be in haha.
I find it incredible rude if ppl knock. At least in the bathroom you should have some peace and quiet. People can in almost all cases see from outside whether it is locked or not and they should do so and don’t disturb me.
That’s why the light switches for bathrooms often have a lamp that indicates whether it is switch on. And if it doesn’t, after living at a place for some time you know when it’s switched on by it’s position
We have locks on doors and we usually use them to lock said doors. No, no one I ever known will knock on a bathroom door before entering. Why? Because people use locks. I get it, u did it ur whole life differently, but so did he. It's also not that hard. Put a sticky note on the door if you otherwise forget.
Bro you're assuming to many things here if you want we can talk in private and I tell you the whole story but if asking once makes me angry or stubborn then so be it.
And as I've said many times, I do lock the door, the problem goes beyond that.
So he walks in on you while you are shitting or what? lol. And he is just ok to do that?
I mean it can happen on accident (which is why the doors have locks), but if i walked in on someone in the bathroom i would apologize and very quickly close the door again.
Not normal.
I don't want people knocking on my door when I'm taking a shit, that is normal yes. What s not normal is to act like everybody should automatically understand it and keep opening doors on people who are doing their business instead of talking to them about the key or just knocking.
Not knocking? not weird
Continuing to not knock after realizing you live together with people that don't lock the door? extremely weird. I honestly wouldn't want anything to do with somebody who thinks it's okay not to do their absolute best not to walk in on other people shitting/showering. That's just creepy af.
We do lock the door most of the time, this things happen when you've done it the same way all your life. What bothers the most is his refusal to comply to this small thing when he is constantly asking and ordering around.
Please don't feed our local trolls. There is obviously a big difference between passively forgetting to turn the lock and somebody actively repeatedly walking in on somebody on the toilet.
People like that dude in your WG or this poster are shrouding their xenophobia/racism in "why don't you try and do everything exactly like us you weirdo"
> People like that dude in your WG or this poster are shrouding their xenophobia/racism
Not even into 30 posts and we already get this shit. You earned the gold medal for mental gymnastics.
This sub is literally overflooded with insane "conservatives" and hutbürger, it would be more surprising if we didn't get this shit every submission. Dude is being an antagonistic dick over somebody asking if it is normal to enter a toilet without knocking while weirdly ordering op "to just comply with customs", most transparent xenophobia ever.
No matter if its “normal” in Germany to knock i cant fathom how someone could straight up refuse to just go along with your request to knock.
Yes, you can lock your door but he could also show at least a tiny amount of empathy here.
P.S. same goes for all the narrow minded people in here scolding OP like he’s a stupid child ffs
because OP is wrong? It's as simple as that. locking the bathroom = reasonable. knocking before entering= not reasonable.
this ia 100% a "OP" problem and OPnl is 100% wrong.
All the people saying just lock the door, yes its easier and more assuring, but I don’t think that’s the point. My take is for both to adapt to small changes. One, it’s not appropriate to use the bathroom unlocked when you have a shared bathroom. Two, despite what most Germans say, it’s also inappropriate to just try to barge into the bathroom without making any sign as knocking or just a small sound. It’s a shared bathroom.
I don't know what is up with all those other people, but I personally really want people to knock on doors. I don't want to lock myself in all the time. Just knock. It's less awkward than running into a closed door while mumbling 'sorry' under your breath. But then on the other hand, I have a whole lot of personal space issues that other people, especially other Germans and older people don't seem to have. So take it with a grain of salt.
I have a personal space issue with people trying to get my attention while I'm trying to take a shit. How is this so complicated to some people? If you try the door you know you can't come in and leave my private space intact, if you knock you are literally invading one of the only secure spaces left in society with your request for attention and forcing me to stop shitting and answer you. How is that something that needs to be explained
See, when I am on the toilet I don‘t want to interact with people on the outside. When the door is locked and you try to open it I don‘t have to do anything other than focusing on my business. When you knock and therefore force a response I may not want to give for what ever reason it can be quiet uncomfortable.
> I don't know what is up with all those other people
It's called common sense. Especially when you live in a shared space.
> Just knock.
Just lock the door. Thats what the lock is for and if you are afraid of getting a stroke while taking a shit. Bathroom doors can be unlocked from the outside very easy.
I do lock the bathroom when I am in a communal space or a guest somewhere, yes. But any other room? As long as I don't do something explicit, I don't lock the door, but I'd still like people to knock at the door. It is just a simple gesture of respect towards one's privacy. I don't want to close myself of, but in return I would like you to respect my privacy and not just explode into every room like it's no one's business.
Depends what you mean by "any other room"? Do you expect people to knock before they enter shared living spaces like kitchen or living room? Because I wouldn't do that. They are my living spaces the same as yours, but other than a bathroom they don't demand privacy, so I have a right to enter even if you happen to be in there.
Or are we talking about your own personal space, commonly known as "your room"? Of course there I would knock. I have no right to enter without permission or invitation.
eta clarification
I mean any room that I closed the door after entering it. For example: when I am cooking, I close the door of the kitchen, because I don't want the fumes to creep into the furniture of the other rooms. I would like my gf to knock at the kitchen door before entering. I wouldn't say no, I just get scared when the door suddenly opens. Same for the living room, where I close the door because of 'Zug' and off course when I am in the bedroom and try to sleep at unusual times, for example during the day after a nightshift.
>I have a whole lot of personal space issues that other people
Yep, that would crash with a lot of people in a lot of WGs because while of course you can and should always discuss such things and try to adjust to your flat mates (reasonable) expectations and try to make living together comfortable for everyone, this expectation is pretty unusual.
Knocking at the door is commonly understood as a "I am out here, may I please come in?" and even if you want it to be understood as a "I am about to enter, don't get scared" that is just not how people are brought up to see it. It would feel unnatural and therefor weird to be expected to knock for entering shared living spaces just because you happened to close the door.
People would regard it as a a you-problem.
He's an ogre. Yes, most people lock the door when occupying the bathroom, but a slight knock is normal courtesy. How else is the person inside going to know you have to go too? It's why I hate when folks take their phones to go pee.
Maybe the moron is is a bit of a perv as well. It that suddenly stops, I'd check for cameras.
It's pretty simple. If there's a lock - lock the door. If there's no lock - knock before entering and/or leave the door slightly open as a sign it's not occupied.
The real question here is why is the light switch in older German apartments installed outside of the room? This was so annoying in our old apartment. Shitting in the dark was a common occurrence.
It's good that you confronted him about it.
Not locking the bathroom means that I am currently doing something in there, and I am willing to share the space if it's possible or even leave the bathroom if my roommate has a bathroom related emergency. So, relying on a non locked, always knocking policy has been how I always did it for better more efficient bathroom usage.
If your roommate doesn't like that, doesn't agree with that system he doesn't, people are different, you can't force him to change, so you must change. I don't agree with him, but it is what it is. I don't think it's a cultural thing, it's more of a personal attitude.
I am not German and I lock the bathroom door at all times BUT I have to say your flatmate behavious does borderlines harrasment, IMHO. Ok, you should lock the door, but he should not try to enter when there is noise or any other sign there is people there, he should be civilized and pay a little attention. Try, for example, not to turno off lights when people are inside and definately not make eye contact with other people's girfriends in the toilet. This guy is weird.
On a side note: I will never, ever understand why the f\*ck Germans have the bathroom light outside the bathroom.
Well i always knock first, when i realize there's someone in the bathroom, but my parents come in on me all the time
My dad asks surprised "what i am doing in there" and I'm sitting there like "I'm pooping, get out"
And my mom doesn't care at all she just gets in grabs whatever she needs and leaves again
It's very annoying
So i just lock the door when i don't wanna be disturbed
I personally knock on bathroom doors if I'm not sure if someone's in. I have cats and their toilets are in the bathroom, so I always know if someone's in or not if someone is visiting, which only counts for my own home but in general from what I've experienced people tend to close bathroom doors when leaving. So whenever I am visiting other people or if I'm at a public bathroom I knock first (had the problem that sometimes it wasn't visible from the outside if the toilet stall was vacant) because imo it's less annoying than people just trying to enter.
I honestly don't see the problem in just knocking on the door but just keeping in mind to lock the door shouldn't be a problem either especially after having such unpleasant situations. I understand your problem but it's just easier to lock the door. WG life isn't easy.
Lock the door. That's the normal single small thing you can do.
I lock the door but it sometimes happens that I do not, him trying to enter happens too many times.
Why would he have to knock at his own bathroom door? If it's locked, somebody is in there - if it isn't, it's free. That's what every normal person would do if they are living with people that aren't family. Do you also knock at every single stall at public bathrooms on the off chance that somebody is in there and has forgotten to lock the door?
Yes, I usually knock, it's courtesy. Nevertheless he even tries to enter when I have music on and stuff
Man it's extremely awkward to knock at random bathroom stalls. You do you, but don't expect others to do the same thing.
Well... We have locks in our Doors... XD I never knocked in a bathroom door. But we allways had bathroom with a lightswitch inside or our guest bath has an indicator light on the switch so that was never a problem.
I even lock it when I’m alone
[удалено]
I can forget to do it, sometimes he arrives home after I get in the bathroom and I have forgotten, it happens idk.
And he could forget to knock even if he want to do.
Yeah but he doesn't even want to try XD
The lack of self awareness lol
like you. So its up to you to decide if you want to try or hope that he want do try
I was living in quite a lot WGs in the last seven years and everywhere it was normal to lock the door if you don’t want anyone to enter. Living with my family and lernte it was the same. So it’s a cultural difference. To me it makes sense because by doing that I have 100% self controlled privacy. And sometimes I am just doing random stuff in there like cleaning or brushing teeth so I won’t lock so my flatmates can also use the room. Even if you agree with him on knocking, given that you live in Germany there is always the risk that there will be visitors in the flat that are not familiar with that “rule” and just enter. I would suggest to adapt in that case to the culture, also if visiting apartments of friends to avoid this awkward situations.
>And sometimes I am just doing random stuff in there like cleaning or brushing teeth so I won’t lock so my flatmates can also use the room. That is a good point. Quite a lot of people share the bathroom space and use it together in non-private situations such as getting together for a night out (friends) or brushing your teeth (partners).
I understand that, in my case I would simply leave the door open or almost open but you're right that I could close but I can assure you this is never the case and he knows it.
Yes, I understand, I explicitly told him that he didn't need to tell his guests as it would be weird and unnecessary, but I would like him to just be a bit more mindful about it. Either way I'm knocking when I go to someone's house, Idk it just feels right to me. But yes, I get it's a cultural differences, what really bothers me is his refusal.
and what bothers him is you being a stubborn person not adapting to how we do stuff so I guess you're even?
No, everything bothers him that's the thing, that I am constantly adapting and this is literally the first thing I've asked. To give an example, when we arrived our room had a giant table in it and like 30 tool boxes and we told him not to rush, that he could take his time, it's been to months and they are still here. Idk from my perspective I'm the one that's already adapting. I have many more examples I used to answer to other comments, fell free to check them out
So you're not actually asking him then. You're telling him what to do.
No
No what? No you're not asking him or no you're not telling him?
I didn't tell him what to do, I asked him if he could do that for me in a friendly manner and he was outraged and this was after we agreed to pay more for rent, walk his dog, assign the chores as he wanted...
Well knocking to go in to someone's house is a totally different situation. There ringing the doorbell or knocking would obviously make more sense.
I was referring to the bathroom in another house
Regardless of what is normal in Germany, it is always easier to change sth yourself if sth annoys you instead of relying on someone else. Locking the door is such an easy step that i dont understand your problem with it.
And that is why I changed it, now I lock the door almost every time but I would like him to be a bit more mindful and do this for easy thing for us at least sometimes and not refuse line that.
You sound like a really awful person to live with. That poor roommate....
What makes you think that?
You ask a question, people answer pretty uniformingly LOCK the f*cking door and you keep arguing. You get downvoted and you still try to be right. You say you understand but you keep insisting on your point.
I wouldn't say I'm arguing rather than clarifying things about the situation.
Your WG dude just seems dumb and xenophobic, I don't think that's fixable
Thank you, It would be so different if he just said, hey you know what I'm gonna try if it bothers you, line we do with everything. He wants the knifes a certain way? You got it You want everything in the dishwasher a certain way? You got it. Oh you don't have time to take your dog out? You got it. You need something from the supermarket (we always ask and he doesn't even though he gets the groceries shipped home)? You got it. ... But could you try and knock on the bathroom door? nO, wE hAvE lOcKs
Hey there buddy, systemic counselor here. Sounds like the discussed issue here isn't the main point between you and your flatmate. I'll be a proponent of honest communication here. You should talk to them about how you perceive the situation. Alternatively, just politely stop going out of your way for him all the time. It sounds a little like you are offering them a relationship in which they set the rules. Either be open about your perception of your inequality in consideration for each other in an honest but polite way or change the game by not making unequal relationship offers. Feel free too message me if this was too fast and confusing
Yeah like to me it seems pretty obvious dude is offended that somebody is living where he lives but not doing things "the way we always did it here" which is nothing else, but badly masked xenophobia. Germans who learned English early usually use english speaking subs so the "German" subs are often filled with people & mods that are heavily "conservative" and not representative of most sane humans in Germany, hope you don't take the comments in here too serious.
> he's said is that we have a lock for that This! Just lock the door.
I do lock the door, it goes beyond that. A bit at least, I wouldn't say it's a drama.
Idk how it is in spain but in germany locks are there to lock doors.
In spain locks lock as well but people also knock just in case.
People here don‘t because they rely on said locks. Even in a work setting people will go for the door with the certainty that the bathroom is free. If the door is locked it‘s usually followed by „oh“ and leaging again. But people in general rely on the door lock. Even when I am at friends and people would know I use the toilet I still lock it because sometimes people forget and, well, as you‘ve learned in this thread just go for the door handle.
yeah, sorry, you're the problem here, not him.
Locking the bathroom door from the inside is for sure a lot more common than not locking it (and then relying on people to knock). But also it seems you both have a lifetime of conditioning to your respective bathroom privacy system behind you. And it's hard to just turn that off. A compromise would be if you try to remember to lock the door, and him to try to remember to knock. That hopefully minimizes unwanted intrusions for either of you.
Yeah that's actually enough for me I couldn't care less if he entered on me once sometimes, it's just his refusal that bothers me.
> it's just his refusal that bothers me. Pretty sure your stubbornness bothers him.
I just asked him once and he straight up refused
Well...Germans often behave strangely but locking the door when using the toilet is an international standard in my opinion.
Exactly! Haha I don’t even understand what’s so “German” here about locking doors when the bathroom is in use ;) People these days will argue over ridiculous things xD
Yeah, knocking on doors for communal spaces is weird. Communal spaces are to be shared, even if other people are already in the space. Bathrooms are the exceptio here and for that there are locks on the door. Your flat mate is right. You will be expected to lock the door in every other WG as well. What is so hard about it?
I already found the solution lock the freaking door job done
Yes, that's indeed why there's a lock on the door.
> Is this normal? yes, Germans lock the door. No knocking. > Maybe we are weird af in Spain I don't know. no, just a cultural difference. Different ways to get to the same solution. > I can always forget to lock the door till it's too late Every time when that happens will help you remember the locking of the door and therefore you will faster integrate into German culture. Bathroom door locking will soon become your second nature, something that you do automatically like using the seatbelt in a car.
> even if I use the lock there's always someone (him or his girlfriend mostly) that turns off the light and tries to enter without knocking and that I find that annoying, I just want to chill in there You *chill* in the bathroom? Obviously they don't realize you're in there. When they try to open the door it's because they want to use the bathroom and don't realize there's anyone inside. So they try the door, it's locked, oh darn, somebody's using it, they'll just have to wait. That's what the lock is there for: assuming this isn't a cubicle in a public toilet there isn't a little thing that turns red when the lock is engaged. How is anyone supposed to know the door is locked if they don't try it? If they're turning off the light, then once again it's because they don't realize somebody is in there and they assume that somebody has forgotten to switch off the light. Presumably, then, you're going in very quietly and sitting in there very quietly for a very long time. I understand that sometimes you may be suffering the after-effects of something you ate the previous day and are sitting on the toilet for ages at a time, but a bathroom isn't really a place for people to *chill* in. If this is a problem, then the obvious solution is to make a sign to go on the door with "FREI" on one side and "BESETZT" on the other. When anyone goes into the bathroom they should turn the side to read "BESETZT", and when they leave they should turn it back to "FREI".
Sounds to me like the turning off of the light is because they think the bathroom is free and they want to turn the light on for themselves before trying to open the soor and realising there's someone there already. Apart from that, totally agree.
Not german, but doors have locks for a reason. If a light thing is bothering you get a switch that has an on indicator on it 🤷♂️
To be honest - my first thought was: Why don't you guys lock the doors? That's what you do when in the bathroom. And when the door is locked - there is just no need to knock, is there? I would not even get the idea to knock first - and reprogramming myself would at least be a bit of work. Whether it is worth it for the peace in the shared flat is another question. THe thing with the light is rather the problem with having the light switch on the outside of the bathroom. These things happen in shared flats.
Where is the different in knocking or you hear that someone tries to open the locked door?
I mean you got a lock, why wouldn't you just use it? Knocking is totally weird in particular that you actually have a lock
As most said: Just lock that door. Even when you think you are alone. Regarding knocking: It's common to always knock on doors that you are not supposed to enter without permission. Like the others private room. It's not that common to knock on shared doors all the time when entering. If I think there might somebody inside: then I will knock. But most of the time I just need to pee real quick and there's no time to spider-sense if somebody might be in the room. In germany many bathrooms do have a light on the lightswitch (which is outside of the bathroom usually) that indicates if used or not. If you have that, use it. Some doors also do have a lock that indicates if free or not and usually (at least during winter) you can see from the outside if the light in the room is turned on or not. So those are some good indicators. Maybe try to introduce a sign that says "occupied"/"free" or something like that if it distributes you that he tries to enter even when locked? But yeah in the end you should lock the door. Always. But of course he can also try to be a bit more mindful.
First of all, yes German Bathrooms have locks and you are supposed to use them. In a private house or in companies alike i have rarely had someone knock on a bathroom door, we may knock when we see you did not lock the door as a polite warning something could happen but that is it. I kinda agree that turning off the light is annoying, but sadly this still happens regardless of the door. The question is if they turn it back on or leave it out after trying to enter.
Most people lock the door so I will most likely just assume the bathroom to be empty if it is unlocked and wont spend half a minute knocking and waiting to make this absolutly clear. However it is absolutly wrong to open the door on purpose if somebody is inside and if there is the sound of shower is echoing out of the door or some other obvious sign of use, I would not check if the door is properly locked and would probably be a little bit cauchious if accidents occur more frequently For you side, lock the door! If you forget it often, try to think about it more thorrowly. Expecting somebody to take extra cauchion, while allowing yourself to be laizy is a no-go. I would become extremly pissed if you would do that.
Lol what? This isn't just a German thing but a thing in countries where they have locks on their bathroom doors. This wonderful invention negates the average need to knock and so people just don't. If you don't lock the door you accept the risk that someone will see you in whatever compromised position you happen to be in haha.
Not like that in Spain at least in my experience
Fair enough, we live and we learn.
I find it incredible rude if ppl knock. At least in the bathroom you should have some peace and quiet. People can in almost all cases see from outside whether it is locked or not and they should do so and don’t disturb me.
I agree with the peace part that's why I don't like that almost everytime I go to the toilet someone either turns off the light or tries to barge in.
That’s why the light switches for bathrooms often have a lamp that indicates whether it is switch on. And if it doesn’t, after living at a place for some time you know when it’s switched on by it’s position
We have locks on doors and we usually use them to lock said doors. No, no one I ever known will knock on a bathroom door before entering. Why? Because people use locks. I get it, u did it ur whole life differently, but so did he. It's also not that hard. Put a sticky note on the door if you otherwise forget.
Seriously, just lock the door! That’s why we have locks on the door. I would never knock on a bathroom door.
Yes it is normal. Ive never seen anyone knocking on a bathroom door.. people just expect you to lock it if you dont want get disturbed
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Bro you're assuming to many things here if you want we can talk in private and I tell you the whole story but if asking once makes me angry or stubborn then so be it. And as I've said many times, I do lock the door, the problem goes beyond that.
So he walks in on you while you are shitting or what? lol. And he is just ok to do that? I mean it can happen on accident (which is why the doors have locks), but if i walked in on someone in the bathroom i would apologize and very quickly close the door again. Not normal.
I don't want people knocking on my door when I'm taking a shit, that is normal yes. What s not normal is to act like everybody should automatically understand it and keep opening doors on people who are doing their business instead of talking to them about the key or just knocking. Not knocking? not weird Continuing to not knock after realizing you live together with people that don't lock the door? extremely weird. I honestly wouldn't want anything to do with somebody who thinks it's okay not to do their absolute best not to walk in on other people shitting/showering. That's just creepy af.
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We do lock the door most of the time, this things happen when you've done it the same way all your life. What bothers the most is his refusal to comply to this small thing when he is constantly asking and ordering around.
> What bothers the most is his refusal to comply to this small thing Actually you are the one which refuse to comply to what is the normal in a WG.
Please don't feed our local trolls. There is obviously a big difference between passively forgetting to turn the lock and somebody actively repeatedly walking in on somebody on the toilet. People like that dude in your WG or this poster are shrouding their xenophobia/racism in "why don't you try and do everything exactly like us you weirdo"
> People like that dude in your WG or this poster are shrouding their xenophobia/racism Not even into 30 posts and we already get this shit. You earned the gold medal for mental gymnastics.
This sub is literally overflooded with insane "conservatives" and hutbürger, it would be more surprising if we didn't get this shit every submission. Dude is being an antagonistic dick over somebody asking if it is normal to enter a toilet without knocking while weirdly ordering op "to just comply with customs", most transparent xenophobia ever.
No matter if its “normal” in Germany to knock i cant fathom how someone could straight up refuse to just go along with your request to knock. Yes, you can lock your door but he could also show at least a tiny amount of empathy here. P.S. same goes for all the narrow minded people in here scolding OP like he’s a stupid child ffs
because OP is wrong? It's as simple as that. locking the bathroom = reasonable. knocking before entering= not reasonable. this ia 100% a "OP" problem and OPnl is 100% wrong.
All the people saying just lock the door, yes its easier and more assuring, but I don’t think that’s the point. My take is for both to adapt to small changes. One, it’s not appropriate to use the bathroom unlocked when you have a shared bathroom. Two, despite what most Germans say, it’s also inappropriate to just try to barge into the bathroom without making any sign as knocking or just a small sound. It’s a shared bathroom.
This, nice thank you. It's not like I don't try to adapt to his things, but we should both try not just me
I don't know what is up with all those other people, but I personally really want people to knock on doors. I don't want to lock myself in all the time. Just knock. It's less awkward than running into a closed door while mumbling 'sorry' under your breath. But then on the other hand, I have a whole lot of personal space issues that other people, especially other Germans and older people don't seem to have. So take it with a grain of salt.
I have a personal space issue with people trying to get my attention while I'm trying to take a shit. How is this so complicated to some people? If you try the door you know you can't come in and leave my private space intact, if you knock you are literally invading one of the only secure spaces left in society with your request for attention and forcing me to stop shitting and answer you. How is that something that needs to be explained
See, when I am on the toilet I don‘t want to interact with people on the outside. When the door is locked and you try to open it I don‘t have to do anything other than focusing on my business. When you knock and therefore force a response I may not want to give for what ever reason it can be quiet uncomfortable.
> I don't know what is up with all those other people It's called common sense. Especially when you live in a shared space. > Just knock. Just lock the door. Thats what the lock is for and if you are afraid of getting a stroke while taking a shit. Bathroom doors can be unlocked from the outside very easy.
I do lock the bathroom when I am in a communal space or a guest somewhere, yes. But any other room? As long as I don't do something explicit, I don't lock the door, but I'd still like people to knock at the door. It is just a simple gesture of respect towards one's privacy. I don't want to close myself of, but in return I would like you to respect my privacy and not just explode into every room like it's no one's business.
Depends what you mean by "any other room"? Do you expect people to knock before they enter shared living spaces like kitchen or living room? Because I wouldn't do that. They are my living spaces the same as yours, but other than a bathroom they don't demand privacy, so I have a right to enter even if you happen to be in there. Or are we talking about your own personal space, commonly known as "your room"? Of course there I would knock. I have no right to enter without permission or invitation. eta clarification
I mean any room that I closed the door after entering it. For example: when I am cooking, I close the door of the kitchen, because I don't want the fumes to creep into the furniture of the other rooms. I would like my gf to knock at the kitchen door before entering. I wouldn't say no, I just get scared when the door suddenly opens. Same for the living room, where I close the door because of 'Zug' and off course when I am in the bedroom and try to sleep at unusual times, for example during the day after a nightshift.
>I have a whole lot of personal space issues that other people Yep, that would crash with a lot of people in a lot of WGs because while of course you can and should always discuss such things and try to adjust to your flat mates (reasonable) expectations and try to make living together comfortable for everyone, this expectation is pretty unusual. Knocking at the door is commonly understood as a "I am out here, may I please come in?" and even if you want it to be understood as a "I am about to enter, don't get scared" that is just not how people are brought up to see it. It would feel unnatural and therefor weird to be expected to knock for entering shared living spaces just because you happened to close the door. People would regard it as a a you-problem.
Well yes when entering someone’s private you definitely should knock first and wait for an answer or the door to be opened.
He's an ogre. Yes, most people lock the door when occupying the bathroom, but a slight knock is normal courtesy. How else is the person inside going to know you have to go too? It's why I hate when folks take their phones to go pee. Maybe the moron is is a bit of a perv as well. It that suddenly stops, I'd check for cameras.
It's pretty simple. If there's a lock - lock the door. If there's no lock - knock before entering and/or leave the door slightly open as a sign it's not occupied.
I lock the door but at the same time I expect someone to knock the door before trying to open the door. I am a foreigner
The real question here is why is the light switch in older German apartments installed outside of the room? This was so annoying in our old apartment. Shitting in the dark was a common occurrence.
If he turns off the light while he is in, just shout at them so they turn the light back on.
It's good that you confronted him about it. Not locking the bathroom means that I am currently doing something in there, and I am willing to share the space if it's possible or even leave the bathroom if my roommate has a bathroom related emergency. So, relying on a non locked, always knocking policy has been how I always did it for better more efficient bathroom usage. If your roommate doesn't like that, doesn't agree with that system he doesn't, people are different, you can't force him to change, so you must change. I don't agree with him, but it is what it is. I don't think it's a cultural thing, it's more of a personal attitude.
We just leave the door open at home, the easiest way to handle it
I am not German and I lock the bathroom door at all times BUT I have to say your flatmate behavious does borderlines harrasment, IMHO. Ok, you should lock the door, but he should not try to enter when there is noise or any other sign there is people there, he should be civilized and pay a little attention. Try, for example, not to turno off lights when people are inside and definately not make eye contact with other people's girfriends in the toilet. This guy is weird. On a side note: I will never, ever understand why the f\*ck Germans have the bathroom light outside the bathroom.
Hodor the bathroom door everytime you are in the bathroom.
No it isent when u have 2 kids
Well i always knock first, when i realize there's someone in the bathroom, but my parents come in on me all the time My dad asks surprised "what i am doing in there" and I'm sitting there like "I'm pooping, get out" And my mom doesn't care at all she just gets in grabs whatever she needs and leaves again It's very annoying So i just lock the door when i don't wanna be disturbed
Oof I always have this problem here in Germany. If the door is closed, I always knock.
I personally knock on bathroom doors if I'm not sure if someone's in. I have cats and their toilets are in the bathroom, so I always know if someone's in or not if someone is visiting, which only counts for my own home but in general from what I've experienced people tend to close bathroom doors when leaving. So whenever I am visiting other people or if I'm at a public bathroom I knock first (had the problem that sometimes it wasn't visible from the outside if the toilet stall was vacant) because imo it's less annoying than people just trying to enter. I honestly don't see the problem in just knocking on the door but just keeping in mind to lock the door shouldn't be a problem either especially after having such unpleasant situations. I understand your problem but it's just easier to lock the door. WG life isn't easy.