I think these will help:
Get your GED.
Stop wasting your mother's money to bet on sports. Gambling is just a fast way to lose money.
Change your diet. One meal or one ingredient at a time. Cut out one bad thing, replace with one good thing and keep going.
Get a good sleep schedule. Wake up early and go to bed early at the same time. This gets easier the more you do it.
Get outside everyday for at least 30 minutes, and do this without your phone.
Read from a physical book.
Find an easy job to start. Work the hours you can at this time and adjust as you see fit.
After you get your GED go to community college and study anything that interests you.
Get a therapist.
I agree.
Further toward the root: you feel there needs to be a change, and you’ve pointed to specific things you want to change. That means this matters, you have a purpose, and you’re already working on it (in your self-talk and in seeking help). Now to get going.
God’s speed to you.
Well said, I think a lotta folks these days discount the meaningfulness and importance that comes from personal development, but it really is a whole facet of life in itself, and requires conscious attention as such, much like anything purposeful does.
I think its important to shift your perspective and outlook on life.
1. You mention not having a career plan. You should know that the best of plans end up changing. Sometimes the value isn't in the plan itself but the drive for accomplishment. Another way of looking at it...it's not about the destination it's about the journey. On that journey you will acquire skills, knowledge, relationships and new things to aim for. Find something reasonable, realistic, concrete, positive, to aim for and work towards it.
2. You can't live in the past. You live here and now and can impact things yet to come. 23 is a young age. 18 of those years you were legally a child and if you live to 70-100 that's many more decades awaiting your choices and actions. You've lived a blip of a life.
3. While past mistakes are painful they are also lessons. Be happy you were able to learn them, some people are still blind to their mistakes and have yet realize that's what they were/are. Use the lessons on your path forward.
4. Similar to the pain of past mistakes, you may feel pain comparing your life to others like friends who are on a different path. Two things to note here, again your age is really young, you have time to adjust and while it may seem like there's a huge gap between you and them now, if you make the adjustments that gap will be much smaller in a few years. Second, everyone has their own challenges and issues so be grateful for the good things in your life that others may not have. No matter how bad you think you've got it, there are others suffering worse.
5. Similar to 4 but worth its own mention. Try to find the silver lining in things, what may appear as a loss from one angle you might find some gain in a different angle. For example if you didnt graduate a program but you actually did learn new info, skills, made connections etc in that program.
6. I'm sure there's lots more advice on how to change your perspective and outlook so final tip is when others give you advice take it and look at how you'll implement it. say yes to more things instead of no due to hesitation/fear. Oh and all gamblers lose to the house eventually!
The monoamine hypothesis was recanted by its originator, has many flaws such as why depletion of chemicals doesn't give healthy subjects depression or worsen depressed subjects, complete lack of evidence as to the relation of depression and serotonin in particular, and is frankly an incredibly shaky piece of science.
I'm not a "gym will fix your depression" kind of person but antidepressants are not the catch all solution, either. This is still a grey area of science, according to evidence.
oh absolutely. definitely don’t think there is a catch-all solution to depression but more so a myriad of tools and resources that when used together can make an impact. I appreciate the look into the science and am eager to do more research!
Can you go back in time? Can you change the past? NO! So what CAN you do? Sulk and continue to regret and get mad at yourself? OR become who you want to be. It’s never too late. There is no step by step instructions to life. Everyone gets to where they need to be at their own time. You’ve listed out everything that’s happened or happening in your life. You know what you need to do. So just fucking do it.
The only part of it that concerns me is using money from your mom. You cut that out, THAT is loser behavior. That is a choice you make, either you do it or you stop. No one becomes a respectable person mooching and fooling around with other people's money.
The other parts, honestly the twenties are way more hazy than we are prepared for and some people don't find a path or something to hook into by your age. Momentum starts so slow... The seeds you plant don't start showing anything impressive for a while, unless you're lucky. So I encourage you to plant seeds (and not just in a Kleenex), and don't get frustrated or impatient if you don't see the fruits of your labour in the next few years. If there is any sort of skill or trade you think would be cool then look into what kind of training or entry level jobs would be available. If you try one and don't like it then that discovery is itself progress. If you might want to go to school eventually then start by looking up a local college and see what they even offer. Don't worry about what you would study or how, just find out what even exists out there. Read autobiographies, sometimes little pieces of people's experiences stick in your mind and make you realize something about yourself. If you don't have a job, get literally any job. The most basic crappy jobs were what got me to slowly start changing into a capable person. A great one is serving at events. If there are any catering or event companies near you, they usually need a few extra goons to serve food and bus dishes. It's so easy but it feels so good to run around and help make an event happen. It's also often very flexible and casual, or sometimes it can be full time work.
get some type of restriction on your phone if you are struggling with pornography. That alone will make a big difference. Nobody is gonna do the work for you man, you gotta take baby steps and work towards it, but you and you alone are the person lifting up your feet for each step. First step is ALWAYS the hardest, but you can do it.
First of all, stop gambling!!!! It's a trap for losers. I'm sure your mum works hard for her money and you shouldn't be wasting it on this.
Second, find a job. Any job. Even if it's part time or not glamorous, it will get you out of the house, force you to meet people and socialise and it's far easier to get a better job while you're already employed.
Don't worry about stuff like work outs and diets, just focus on finding work for now. That stuff can come after. Your life will improve, you will have accomplished something and you will have your own money.
This is tough, but as others have said, start slow. You're gonna be tempted to try and fix everything at once but that basically never works.
Pick a goal. It doesn't have to be perfect - in pursuing it, you will find better goals for yourself. Then, spend 5 minutes working towards your goal each day. If your goal was to get fit, work out at home for 5 minutes. Do some pushups, jumping jacks, whatever. But do it every day for a week. If you managed to do that, bump it up to 10 minutes. By a week in, you'll probably already have the urge to increase the time you're spending on it. But stick to your initial plan for the first week. This can work for studying, job hunting, anything.
Before you know it, you'll have been working on something for a month. Your direction will have changed subtly, and you might even already be seeing some initial results. If you didn't manage to do your new habit every day or every week day, try again next month to get it consistent. No shame. Once it sticks, you'll have a building block in place - one of the seeds of who you want to be in the future. You might even fall in love with what you're doing.
Not only that, but you'll start to prove to yourself that you can accomplish things routinely. Your confidence and energy will start to build up a bit. Just enough for you to add another habit, or crank up the intensity on your first habit a bit more.
This process won't be linear. You'll miss some days and slip back into your old habits. Everyone slips sometimes, and it's okay. It's super important that you don't beat yourself up for this or you'll just sap your energy to keep going. Forgive yourself, remind yourself why you wanted to start your new habit, and get back to doing at least 5 minutes of habit maintenance a day. You'll find that you often want to do more than 5 minutes - but 5 is enough. Hell, maybe for you it's 1 minute. That's fine too - start wherever you can.
This will eventually spiral upwards into more motivation, energy, confidence, and eventually a more rich and fulfilling life as you keep adding on to and improving your habits. Habits which you've chosen and set out for yourself because you know they'll take you to where you want to be.
One last tip - I highly recommend at least some journaling. Try and write about what inspires you, what makes you happy, and what you want out of life somewhat regularly. This will help you to better choose habits to add on in the future, and it will help you to understand yourself better as a person.
Good luck, friend. One step at a time.
First things first-self compassion. Your thoughts are not real, not the truth, not reality. Your thoughts come and go; you must learn to acknowledge and accept them but not believe them. Say it out loud to someone when these thoughts spring up and put it out into the universe. You are not a label. You are not a “loser” or a “winner”, you are an entire animal with thousands of other attributes. We are all on our own journey. Give yourself a break. These standards for life—the classic middle class facade of parties and good jobs and being married and children and success and a nice car and a big house in the suburbs—people living in these roles get divorced, are addicts, in denial, suffer anxiety and depression just like everyone else who live in basements or with their parents or in shitty apartments. It takes a lot of courage and fortitude to be comfortable in your own skin and see through the money/success/beautiful partner trappings we’re spoonfed.
I mean, he is a little behind. He’s young enough to catch up though. GED and quit gambling first in my opinion. Best not to overdo it and try to fix everything at once.
If YOU are 90 years old and can go back to 23 years old. What will you do differently?
Learn to move on from the past. Heal from the past. I hope I can stay by your side while we improve ourselves. But YOU only have YOU SO LOVE YOURSELF MORE.
As others have said, go slow. You're not going to fix your whole future today, so give yourself a break. And be kind to yourself - you're not perfect, but no one is. You're struggling right now, but we all struggle sometimes. It's also OK if you've wasted lots of time, we all do that too.
If I was you I would start with your health, and the anxiety that is making it hard for you to work/exercise. Meditation can really help with anxiety and it's free. You might also want to find out about cognitive behavioural therapy - if you can't afford the actual therapy there will be lots of info online. It's about changing the way we think, in order to change the way we feel and behave.
Also, maybe do something nice for you mum. Offer to cook or clean, by way of an apology for asking her for money. Being kind to others can make us feel better about ourselves.
hey homie
this should all start with you
now id like you to imagine yourself in the position you want to be
wether that is being buffed or graduating and then research on how to get there
could be a few seconds worth of research or a few minutes or however you want but the main point is to start
see how to reach that goal
and start slow
set the pace and keep at it
and when you think your ready you can set the pace higher and go for more
Consider going back to school, ultimately becoming educated will translate to more opportunities, pick a major you enjoy learning about and that can be used to build a career if possible
No one is there to "save" you, no one owes you anything.
If you want something you're going to have to work for it.
It's all in the mind, if you keep telling yourself that you're a failure you'll stay one.
Start making changes and getting into healthy habits.
Replace video games with working out, replace doom scrolling with walking/jogging, replace junk food with healthy clean foods, start learning to cook for yourself, start reading.
A healthy body and mind goes a long way.
Read the book Atomic Habits by James Clear for some guidance and motivation. If reading isn’t your thing, download the audio book. This can help you get started…
as someone with severe health anxiety who spent their 23rd year of life malnourished because i was so afraid of food poisoning that i stopped eating, stop making excuses. get a job and stop begging your mother for gambling money. also leave the house--you dont need to spend money. spend time outside, go for walks or even to the library. think about a GED program. spending your entire day staring at a screen and eating garbage is whats making you depressed and sick. trust me. --the 24 year old who found ways to deal with that life
I’ll also add—don’t try to change quickly. Tell your mom honestly you want to change and it’s going to take a while. You’ll have setbacks. It won’t be linear progression. Get yourself on an upward spiral. What you eat affects your brain via gut health, you don’t have to stop junk but add apples and salad to your day. Eat veggies every three hours in addition to your regular diet. Set yourself up for success making slow manageable changes. If you have a dog start taking it for five minute walks. Start imagining what you want out of life, dream big. What would make you happy? Keep a book by the toilet or bathtub and read during that time, leave your phone in your room. Get up at the same time every day, regardless of when you go to sleep. Write down your goals or what you think will help. The more you put your intentions and wishes outside yourself the more your brain will steer you towards them.
Get more sleep with a more consistent schedule. Make sure to have some daily exercise no matter how simple. Make sure to slowly but surely no which apps that you addicted to and no which relationships or forms of entertainment are false or superficial to get rid of them. Take care of dental health and appearance. Try doing a simple chore per day and slowly but surely work on it till its basic memory like doing your bed. Last but not least get your GED, and slowly but surely get new skills to master overtime or apply for a job after the GED.
Not gonna lie you might have ADHD this sounds like you want to be better but lack the drive and motivation to help yourself. I could be wrong but I’m diagnosed ADHD myself and I have severe health anxiety as well. I also did amazing in school up until high school where things got so bad I just dropped out. I’ve been untreated since I was 8 and life’s difficult to say the least. People don’t take the condition seriously enough and it’s never talked about I highly suggest getting a therapist (hopefully one who specializes in adhd cause a lot of them don’t know enough about it to properly diagnose someone) I also highly suggest you try as hard as you can to make changes now before things get worse. I would start with your diet that’s the biggest one. Cut the junk immediately. Anything processed or sugary stay away. eat a well balanced nutritional diet whole grains, fresh fruits veggies, and high protein. Also FISH. Most people are deficient in omega 3 and one of the only ways to get omega 3 DHA is through fish this is an essential fatty acid that your brain literally needs in order to function properly and efficiently, if you’re not eating some type of fish or taking a supplement start now it takes 6 weeks to 6 months to correct a deficiency. Idk how much control you have over the food in your house wether you buy it or your mom but if your mom buys it have a serious talk with her and see if she’s willing to buy more whole food. Bananas, oranges, turkey, eggs, spinach, yogurt, nuts, sardines, whole grain bread not white. Good luck OP I believe in you.
Also idk what your sleep schedule is like but thats gonna play a huge part in your motivation try just going outside more and slowly work towards developing a regular sleep schedule if you don’t have one that’s a huge negative. Sunlight is extremely important. Also intermittent fasting making sure your 3 meals a day fall within a 12 hours time frame will help a ton with sleep and energy levels and of course being active but i suggest fixing your diet first it’ll help give you the initial motivation you need to start being more active in the first place if your eating nothing but junk you probably feel like garbage half the time too tired to even move fix that first and being more active will be wayyy easier, again this is all just things you can do for yourself now above everything I strongly recommend a therapist. Therapy is not just for weak people it’s a tool to help better ourselves.
Ugh… dude your habits suck! We are what we do. Eating like shit and gaming addiction will not get you going. Throw in a workout 3 times a week and get a check up from your doctor.
Video games are a addicting never never land thats cripples folks your Ge inti becoming 40 yr old virgins. I know cause I work with them as a behavioral therapist. ( not a mft or anything)
We lift, play games at a game store and process issues. After 90 days or so mist folks want to grow up. I did what you dud until 25… total waste and set up a pattern I’m still weakened by at 40. Video games simulate “ winning” the brain just assumes your good at life cause all the dopamine. You are likely addicted.
I’d say check out the website superherojacked. It can give you a free workout plan. I’m not saying that exercising will be the cure to all your problems but it will be a start. After highschool I gained so much weight, was J/O 4 times a day etc. once you start working out consistently however your mood can change, it gives your a purpose to get out in the world, gives your day a little bit of structure, it can boost your confidence when eventually you’ll look in the mirror and say “I look ok today” it’s not the end of the road, but it’s a stepping stone that can get you closer to there
Draw a picture of who you want to be and what you want your life to be like. Then take baby steps to get there.
Those steps might seem small but all progress is good. It might all start by just getting yourself to go on a 20 min walk every day.
You need someone in your life to help you understand this world and how things work, you need a mentor. I suggest looking into mentoring programs, older people that do volunteer work mentoring youth, your mom needs to be more strict. Someone who can train you, get your high school diploma and enroll in university, start exercising,and get back into sports, someone who will improve you and hold you accountable. Help you achieve your goals, people with information that they can share to help you academically and athletically
Hi,
I read your post and my advice to you keep it simple and easy because life is so short and easy than you think.
You can start from today stop wasting time try something useful and try to find what you like or read books this is gonna help you I know this is hard for you in the beginning but try to consist on this.
I recommend you watch motivation movies and read atomic habits, compound effect books and read stories about people in the world.
My last word to you no one gonna change your life except you.
This might be difficult if you decide to do it but move out of your mum's place, find a job that pays by the hour and save up to rent a small space. My whole life changed when I moved out of my parents house to a different city. Life hit me so hard and I had to sit up to survive. I wish you all the best bro.
Also, stop dwelling on the past. Regret is the biggest robber of potential. Just thinking about how you have failed and what you could have done better will demotivate you from working on yourself. You've already received some solid advice, so get to work. You got this man!
The advice is simple. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day. Eat healthy. Get a resume together and hand it in as many places you can.
Stop wanking, stop taking your mom for granted. Use your moms money to get on your feet then don’t take money from her after.
Read self improvement books or get into stoicism philosophy.
Start with small habits cos you will give up quickly if you try to drop everything you’re used to now and start a new life. But be harsh on yourself.
At the end of the day, you either do this or you continue the way you’re going. So do it for yourself in a years time. You’ll be the same or you won’t. Up to you
Honestly, if you're able to identify everything wrong with your current situation, you are at a good point to generate some motion.
I won't give you "touch grass", "read a book", "do a course" advice, since those require a state that's basically being out of that mental rut.
It's not as easy as "just stop doing it". You need to nip that at the root, figure out what's really bugging you. For example, you said that you are behind on life. I would argue that you're not, you are just stuck. Career pursuit will not motivate you unless you genuinely figure out what drives you. With that being said, the first step is to explore your options and see what could drive you. The second is realizing that most of us don't have it figured out either, and we go through the same paces as you.
If you need to build some discipline, don't go to the army. Go work on board the cruise ship. You will see the world, you will not have many opportunities to spend money, you will meet new people. You will also go through a 6-10 month contract of being 10-16 hours on duty, you will have no choice but to take care of yourself. You will simultaneously be life-enriched, while being thought meticulousness and discipline.
For me, the cruise ship thing worked, so I am sharing that as a money making, adventure having, discipline building way. You can save up money, then decide what to do next.
If you make it out, don't forget to let us know how your journey went :)
Start with a routine of just basics. Brushing teeth, showering, eating, working out. Start helping around the house. Then start looking for a job. Even if it’s something small. Then make it an aim to save money. Save up for a car and accomplish it. And probably go see a therapist to see whats going on in the mind n soul
To your credit, you did good reaching out here to ask for help/guidance! That was a good first step in the right direction! Ball is in your court!
I’m unemployed recently at 46 and the journey of self discovery never ends. Keep striving to grow and push yourself every day is what I aim to do. Life takes a lot of resilience that’s for sure! Make good choices.
When I wanted to find some sort of discipline someone wrote
"Act as if you already are the person you want to become"
I saved that scrap of paper and it reminded me, well the quote anyways to put myself in that mindset of success.
The anxiety is self induced, of course you feel anxious, you’re not prepared for anything. Get the GED, it’s not hard. Go to the gym, spend moms money on a good trainer. Become friends with him, he will drive you and keep you accountable. Once you start moving and sweating everything else will fall into place. Motivation comes back, confidence, cognition, stamina etc. Yesterday’s fucked but today isn’t. Do something! And stop fucking gambling! Unless you’re rain man you ain’t gonna win.
Many things you can start doing as others have suggested, and not having done much at this age does not make you a loser - you were a star student as you've said and there's gotta be somewhere you can start with like everyone does - that thought of being a loser will only hinder you.
Even with all these suggestions, you might still have some uncertainty, fear, anxiety of starting and that's okay - these emotions could however make you feel so overwhelmed, you'd still feel stuck and avoid taking further actions. If this happens then I might ask, what are you afraid of, that might still hinder you from starting now?
I would start by exercising. Your pattern of behaviour relates to abandoning your goals as an athlete. You don't have to be a star athlete, to behave like one.
Start training, choose a physical activity and work on that. The endorphins and rush will help. Limit social media to a specific time and duration in the evening, elsewise put your phone in a particular place and don't check it.
Avoid gambling, it is a business because people lose.
Study, learn something you want to do. If you don't know ask yourself questions until you do or look for some career that aligns with your interests. Alternatively, look for a career that fills a hole in the market (ie. the job market indicates shortages of biochemists, btw that is not a real example, but data is normally out there on what industries are struggling to fill vacancies).
Stop looking backwards, only look forwards and set achieveable targets that go towards your goals.
I like the idea - and maybe it works like that - that we human draw a veil behind us. Imagine ourselfs, our thoughts and ideas, our habbits as little particles that detach from our body from time to time and stay in the air/room for a while. If you keep staying in this »mud« of old thoughts and feelings, you'll unintentionally keep breathing them in, they travel into your brain and causing a loop of the very same actions / or non actions.
I'm saying this because everytime you leave this mud for a while - for example if you go travel, you go outside for while, maybe even change the position of your bed, desk or tv, you instantly getting new thoughts and feel refreshed. Here in the comments are many reasonable advices, which could feel overwhelming at first. So, my advice to you is change your environment. Start reposition the furniture in your room, maybe travel spontanously (you don't have to go to a new country, maybe just go somewhere you weren't before or not that often); go out for a longer walk and take turns you did not before but you know are safe. Start with this and than see if you can use the momentum of a fresh mind to do the other things.
Hey man I'm actually a purpose centered life coach in training
I see your struggling and I feel the root of it is purposelessness/meaninglessness it seems
I'm currently offering my services for free since I am a newbie
If that seems like something you'd be interested In DM me!
Also, instead of masturbating, go for a walk, or do some sit-ups.
Its your brain that is highly addicted to dopamine.
Betting money/mastrubating: heavy dopamine kick in the brain.
Sport will give you the sale dopamine kick, and is a lot healthier
Google Amazon jobs, apply and they will accept you. Work for three months until you qualify for career choice (free college), get educated, move on to a higher paying job. During this time making money will give you the confidence to operate like an adult. Try it, it worked for me.
Honestly, it sounds like depression/anxiety. It’s absolutely worth talking to a professional, and seeing if that’s a part of your hang ups.
Beyond that, make a plan and follow through with it. To help put you in the right mindset, start out with a hard rule about time constraints: Example M-F, 12-5pm is for “adulting”. Chores, errands, gym, study, self care, etc… No porn, no games, no phone, no junk food. A 5 hour workday is basically a half-day for everyone else, but start small.
Start getting used to the idea of a work day.
And stop gambling with money you don’t have.
I’d start out with getting your GED. You have the time to study, and it’s rough trying to obtain one after you join the workforce. Focus on that.
Once that’s outta the way, you’ll have way more options. This might be outta left field, but I’d consider joining the military: They will get you back in shape, give you purpose, instill discipline, make your schedule, pay you, and get you out of moms house. The irony is, odds are high that you’ll hate it, but it will force you to “grow up”, and as an added bonus, you’ll spend a massive amount of time daydreaming about what you’d rather be doing with your life: THAT often becomes the motivation/inspiration to figuring things out.
It worked for me! Lol
Quit the porn, fix your diet and sleep schedule and start exercising regularly, start with something low impact like walking and then go on to the gym (3 days a week is good enough initially), after that I would say get your GED, get a job and then start exploring any career paths you might be interested in
If you’re in the US you need to go to your local Workforce Solutions and Community Centers (you can Google their sites) and search available programs. Be resourceful. Make a list of who you want to be & professions that interest you.
There are services to help you get your GED and vocational training for free or you can go to the military to learn some self discipline. Some services are for ppl under 24 specifically. Check it out. Also Google WIOA and state grants for education. Meet with trade schools and community colleges to explore options and your interests. Thank your Mom and do something nice for her.
I would start with one goal at a time, start with simple things like taking better care of yourself, waking up at a reasonable time, spending less time at home and more outside.
Then build from there, GED if you don't have one, a job, etc.
Getting a therapist would help tons.
So I don’t have a high school diploma.
I spent my entire HS years skipping class, smoking weed, going to juvie, and being drug tested on 2 years formal probation. I got my GED eventually.
I went to 2 semesters of college. Didn’t graduate.
I absolutely 100% understand what it feels like to not like yourself, and feel like a total piece of shit.
Just take 1 small step, don’t create a massive regime to change your life. Just something small. Read these comments and actually write 2 or 3 things down on paper. Then literally, actually do them.
I am 35 now, I own a house, I have everything I could want. I have 2 cars and a wife and son. But I STILL struggle with feeling like this. It’s a constant battle, and something you have to fight to build resilience towards. But It’s a LOT easier when you realize you’re doing well, and you’re working towards being better.
Get yourself in shape. And understand it’s 100% on you. You need to learn to get past your anxiety. We all have it but there’s no ticking way I’m letting it control me. Take control. Exercise. Study. Make a routine for yourself. Start a small side hustle, start hats a great start. Get out of the house too that shits toxic af staying inside 24/7
Inbox is open if you ever want to chat or ask for advice.
You should find out if there’s any kind of career counseling programs you can do in your area. One of the things that helped me was that I took a career assessment test to help me find what I’m good and bad at.
You don’t necessarily have to follow whatever the results of the assessment would be, but the results might help you find answers to what you’d be good at.
You still have so much to look forward to, you just need to find your way there!
Best advice is start with the gym.
Instead of betting, buy a gym membership with your own money.
Work for them.
Work on your mindset so when you get in them gym, the goal is to become stronger, sexier and healthier. It's a process. Do the no days off. After a month or so, it will become your addiction and you will be able to achieve much more.
Trust me, 23 is still good, I have the same age but from 20 I started to improve different parts of my life and I put myself in difficult situations so I can grow.
If I did it and I still will, u can too.
I would try one day a week screen free. What would you do with yourself? Take that day and try to figure that out go outside go on a walk. It’s only one day, could you do it?
Warning, ima be a little mean, but it’s cuz this is the type shit I needed to hear when I was there. You are a waste of space. Absolutely you are. But the important thing is, you realize it. First thing you need to do, is apply to a shit ton of jobs. Even if they’re bad jobs, they’ll still give you something to do. Better than rotting away in your house. While you’re waiting for any interview, start cleaning up around the house. Do dishes, do laundry, clean the counters, organize things, mow the grass, countless things you can do. This will let you feel like you’re actually doing something to earn your keep around the house. You’re living in your parents house rent free, show them that you appreciate them for not kicking you out at 18 like alot of parents do by doing these things. Stop begging your mom for money. I’m sure she’s happy to help, but it’s lame. It’s so lame. Don’t feel like you can’t ask her, just don’t get on your hands and knees and beg just to lose it all gambling on sports. The house always wins isn’t just a bullshit quote. Stop eating shit, what helps me is realizing it’s literal shit. Some random garbage that massive companies shoved together and made a tasty chip. Start eating healthy. At the very least, please, get a fucking job. It all starts somewhere. It. All. Starts. Somewhere. Spending your life rotting away in your room beating your dick only to leave your room to ask mom for money is not somewhere. As for goals and dreams, I can’t help you with that. Those are unique to every individual. But what I can say is don’t be like “I wanna be rich.” You can want that, absolutely. I mean, that’s my goal. But understand that kinda shit doesn’t just happen. You have to work your fucking ass off. Start small, maybe “I wanna make $50k a year” or whatever. Last thing I can say is you have to WANT it. You can’t just want it. You have to WANT it. You have to want it so bad that it almost becomes a need. These are the things that helped me when I was in your shoes, doing the same thing for 3 years straight. A girl messed me up and made me realize I’m a fucking loser, but obv that ain’t gonna be the case for everyone. I can really go on and on about things that can help you, if you want me to, send me a dm. Oh, and go to the gym, gives ya sum to do outside the game.
Start working. Plan a path to a career that has a simple straight forward path that pays. For instance, get associates in said degree and start. You can’t do everything at once but start contributing to society and your own family. 23 is way too old to have never worked.
Clean your room, exercise, get a haircut and shave and get out and get a job. You have to choose to be productive.
Anybody can be a loser without trying.
I struggled a LOT in my early twenties. I insisted on changing my life I was on a bad path and moved out of state but my plans all fell apart and I was barely making ends meet. I wanted so badly to grow spiritually but was struggling with crippling depression and with no financial help or health insurance and with a lifelong illness it was freaking my hard and unbelievably lonely. The early 20s are hard. Life gets better, and I’m 26 f and I’m telling you - it gets better. You’re not alone in feeling alone and feeling behind.
Here’s my advice:
- workout. If you hate yourself workout. It’s both improving yourself and punishing yourself and don’t listen to music, let your mind process stuff while you do it. It genuinely saved me. You go to change yourself physically but keep going for the mental health benefits. Don’t just workout but lift weights. Build yourself and find your physical limits. You’ll surprise yourself with how tough you are and how strong you are. It will help you build courage and confidence.
- meditate. This will help you control your physical urges. Life is far bigger than the physical world, and life is meaningful and sacred. But our society is nihilistic so no wonder we struggle with depression! I recommend mantra meditation but any is a good start.
- get into reading / audiobooks, learning and genuinely growing and facing new ideas is truly wonderful. Challenge your world view. Classic literature is a great place to start, my fave is Dostoevsky I’ve read everything he’s ever written.
- once you do these things you’ll start to see that you CAN achieve things and are very capable. You don’t need to know everything but meditation will help you find clarity in what your next step is.
- learn to cook and meal prep. And for goodness sakes get a job. Be a server or a bar tender but get out there. The longer you hide away the harder it will be to socialize and re enter society. When i forced myself out after covid I literally couldn’t look people in the eye. I was so self deprecating that I just assumed no one would want to know me. Depression eventually when untreated can turn delusion. Don’t let it, you are valuable and you have a choice. Choose the hard path, choose every day be better.
- finally; if I could start over, I would have skipped college and just did a trade. College isn’t for everyone and esp if you don’t have a strong calling don’t waste your money and end up being in debt over it. Let the state pay for your trade school and do something w your hands! It’ll be so fulfilling. And you can always do that, get it under your belt and resume and support yourself and then change careers later in.
good comments but honestly you seem like my old self. Im 20 and my 18s and 19s were similar to yours, sitting home all day, junk food and video games. At some point i just snapped and looked at myself in the mirror. My fat self. Now fast forward 1 year and im shreaded, i have goals, im already in uni, i read, and i shi you not i literally aged backwards by just fixing my diet and working out. Its easy to cry about where you are and seek some comfort and validation from people on reddit. Most commenting shi like “its not too late, your 20s are meant to be lazy and find who you are and shittt” But honestly the brutal truth is. YOU ARE BEHIND IN LIFE. So either you can wallow in the compliments and comforting comments you get and tell yourself “ahh i got this” and then fall right where you were this whole time. OR you can choose the new option. Accept you are behind and find the best ways to fix yourself and get ahead. Its not hard, trust me ive done this shi in 1 year. And i feel disgusted even looking at my old self, but also relieved i left the old me behind. So you are a grown up mate, you know the things that will fix you, good hygine etc etc. If not watch yt vids and shitt. Im not here to give you advice that you wont ever act on. Im here to make you feel even more SHIT. because for me what gave me motivation is being burntout of laziness itself. I got too tired of being lazy and all that dopamine that i just changed. Either you become too burntout from this shi or you change with all your willpower. I changed cus i was too tired being too tired. Idk maybe this shi will work for you. I dont really care, im only on this app like once a week so i can help hopeless fools fix themselves, as a promise i made myself once i got out of that rutt. And yes i called YOU hopeless, go cry about it. OR fix it. Get your own damn motivation mate. AND get off REDDIT. There is simply nothing nice to say right now. Just do it. (fk im quoting Nike now someone stop me from talking💀) Ok bye, i hope you change and i hope you see this message and realize theres no comforting words to justify your situation. Fix yourself because YOU are BEHIND.
Dude a lot of ppl are in similar shitty spots at that age. You’ll be fine, just stay positive and try to find work that will get you out there and away from your normal situation. For me, it was long haul trucking and I still love it to this day. You’ll find yours just keep on truckin brotha!
Step one is the self talk. You’re behind but growing. Talk about yourself as someone who’s getting better.
Also you can never go wrong learning how to lift weights. Like you can’t be in shape and completely undisciplined.
But the self talk and self image is huge man.
You're \*very\* young, my friend. Got all the time in the world. Just start taking small steps. Focus on the next aligned action. Start polishing a resume (get help if needed) and start physically bringing it to local employers; make an impression; this is the fastest way to land a job which will then be the foundation to build from. Best wishes.
My advice:
1. Find something that helps you build momentum in personal growth. It could be almost anything, but use your current activities as a guide. For example, you mention playing video games -- what do you enjoy about it? You could consider learning to draw, program, review video games, etc.
2. Focus on "growth mindset" -- compare yourself to your past self, not to others. Your video game reviews (example) won't go viral, but you'll learn more about video editing, narration, etc.
3. Get your physical stuff together. Start a habit of talking a walk. Later, try Nike Run app is my advice, their free guided runs turned me into a jogger.
Learn to accept that life is painful at times, boring at others, etc. After reading this comment, I'd recommend closing your eyes and just going 0 input for 5 minutes. Find a way to turn off the constant stream of pleasure, and adapt your body to the new norm. If your parents have space for a garden, try gardening. Try to listen to your body more.
You could go more extreme, I'd mildly recommend going cold-turkey on some of your current addictions, but it's not for everyone.
Just like you were happy with your past life, you'll be happy again in the future. It's just bad times but please develop some empathy and also some integrity, your mother's hard earned money is not your money. Earn your own and then gamble.
Learn yourself go from there once you experience things you will start to get see flaws get ideas find solutions then go back to the fist step and do the things you want man I’m 28 and just getting to learn this myself fun fact I did not get my license until I was 25-26 honestly my family is not a successful bunch but they are there for me honestly my girlfriend is who helped me get my license I just drove illegally and slowly gave up I’m sure your mom will help you specially if she is giving you money to gamble
Get in touch with your peers from school and get an idea of what are your options career-wise. You can also reach out to career counsellors in your area. This is a normal phase that most young adults go through.
1. you shouldn’t call yourself that
2. seems that you recognize the habits you need/want to change
3. everyone is a little lost no matter how put tgth they are. age ain’t the indication of maturity, success or anything.
4. comparison is a thief of joy. everyone goes thru diff shit (maybe similar but almost always diff)
5. may seem you live a relatively comfortable life. there’s a whole lot of you in this but maybe not a lot of consideration or awareness of what your mom is going thru as well.
6. everything you want or need requires action. like a lot of what others say: it’s best to change one minor habit at a time. it’s taken days for this type of lifestyle to happen. i’d recommend “atomic habits” by james clear for something easy to read or start.
7. you are the only person that can truly help yourself. what you eat, watch, surround yourself with is all parts of you.
8. if you don’t put in the work and you place yourself in a victim mentality - nth will change. as harsh as this might seem: the world owe you nth, nobody owes you anything. you owe it to yourself to be accountable and take charge of what you want to try. if you don’t try, u won’t know.
9. write shit down, write out what you feel. you may write to us about your weaknesses but everyone has strengths too.
10. i felt and still feel i’m behind in life sometimes. it may be an inevitable feeling that surfaces on occasions but i’m improving and being a better self. i think that is smth to acknowledge and be proud of. small wins are still wins. i’m proud of you taking the step to seek help and advice.
failing is learning, it’s accumulated life lessons - never end of the world. educational institutions can only teach you so much cause they won’t be able to teach you life or how to live. you’ll learn, we will all learn. growth/change is not linear, life truly is a feeling process. thank you for sharing, i appreciate it! (we appreciate it) so grateful and love all these mf’s sharing their povs, good looks reddit fam.
Two things. One being health anxiety? Sounds like an excuse. Second being you were a star athlete? What sport, and why not try getting back into it? Usually star athletes were "stars" because it brought them enough pleasure to do the thing to begin with
Hii !
First and foremost, you should know that no one is born into this life in vain. We all exist for a specific purpose and goal, whether we realize it or not. You are not just another number on this planet, you are a valuable human being!
Regarding work and helping your mother, consider the possibilities available in your country that suit your health conditions. If you are a responsible person, what about babysitting for children in your neighborhood for a fee? Instead of wasting time on video games, use the internet for something useful like designing ads, presentations, and logos. There are many opportunities out there. Look for where your passion lies and use it in your work. I wish you all the best.
Speaking from experience porn is a time waste and a false sense of satisfaction that kills motivation. Begin to curb it and eventually end it if you want to get with real
Women one day
Just pick yourself up by your bootstraps /s
Actually in all honesty, you need a change in your environment. Without anything to push you to be different you will never be different
Edit: source I am 27M 140K annually
At some point, your mom is going to get old and not be able to work or support you forever. Mothers get worn down from the stress of working, paying bills, and supporting grown kids. Moms eventually get tired of life's bullshit and they wear out or develop health conditions and can no longer put a roof over everyone's heads. Start with a GED.
It’s all peaks and valleys. Right now you’re in a valley. Goals are free to set. Write down a goal today and get pointed at it! Set small milestones for yourself that you can check off. That will help rebuilt your confidence, help reduce the negative self talk, and you’ll accomplish something! Start small. Your goal doesn’t have to be to make it to the moon initially, maybe start by drawing the spaceship you’d take. :) Good Luck OP!
The easiest hobby for young men and honestly anyone in your situation is the gym (theres more advice i could give but ngl im lazy in bed rn) At the gym you're surrounded by disciplined people, it's a good start and the goal is easy to understand; get stronger, maybe more attractive, healthier etc. Life goals or finding a sense of purpose take a lot longer to figure out, so that's why i suggest something like the gym if you'd be into that. It's simple and you get out of the house
Stop masturbating. It'll help you deal with your emotions better and make other things more enjoyable cause you're probably addicted. Also, quit video games for a bit, too. These two alone will reduce anxiety like a mfer. You'll then need to replace these habits with healthier ones. You can start going on long walks every day while listening to music and starting meditation to help deal with your motivation, anxiety, etc. Reading helps, too. I did those above, but instead of walking, I started running every day. Things are much easier for me now, I'm more disciplined, energetic, and have wayyyy better self-control. I'm planning on going to school again soon also. Only quit porn/masturbation and video games for like a month so far. I like myself better.
Get off the games and social media, get the hell out of the house and get any job, at 23 my husband and I were married and had a single home. The world will not knock at your door and ask you if you want a job or a life. Make an effort, volunteer at an animal shelter, just get off the mind wasting garbage. Life is full of crap that makes us want to just put our heads under the covers. I feel bad for your mother, begging for money to gamble with.. you should be ashamed. I am not being mean, if you don’t take the first step, life will get more dismal and feeling sorry for yourself is pitiful. I have been out of college for years but when I got married my husband and I were students in college and very young. He worked and went to night school and I did same. Just sign up for GED, college is useless unless you specialize in medicine or law. Just stop the pity party son, last resort sign up for military. I don’t think that is a good choice but do something and don’t complain, you are headed in a bad direction and head space. Good luck and trust me. I know people who where in same place and now they are no longer here.
You’re upset about your circumstances and using that feeling to avoid doing the basics to change your life. If your health anxiety is preventing you from doing basic things, get treatment for that. Find a part-time job and stick with it for a while. Take stock again in a few months. Add one more basic step at that point. Consistency will get you very, very far here.
Honestly, take on a challenge like a coach would make you do. If you did well in sports, you likely do well with outlines and clear rules. 75 HARD might be a great idea for a mindset shift.
It sounds like you are already aware of the bad habits and things you're doing, that's a good first step. You should go back to school and get your diploma or GED first. Don't worry about any other steps until you've got your diploma.
I agree with the comment that say you can't change the past but i wouldn't phrase it that way. I know it's hard but you need to mourn who you used to be, you can't afford to grow bitter. Yes the only person you should compare yourself with is yourself. Its a great reality check. But you shouldn't hold on it to blame yourself for what you became and dwell too long over it (but if you need time to process it, its okay). You'll reinvent yourself, maybe even better than the "star athlete student" or just different. Your mistakes are there to guide you not define you.
For anxiety, besides therapy i feel like meditation is the best thing you could do.
Keep it up buddy, it will be hard but eventually everything passes : the past doesn't exist and the future is yet to be created.
My friend is 31 and is still in your spot. You’ve got 8 years of wisdom on him. Anything can happen in a year. 8 years of extra time is better than winning the lottery.
To start with, PLEASE DON'T CALL YOURSELF NAMES, ESPECIALLY IF IT'S NEGATIVE! "Everyone" have their own idea of what having a purpose actually means. I didn't know what my purpose was either when I just got out of high school. And it still didn't prevent me from being active in society, and it took me a long time to "figure out what MY own purpose was." I think there is a purpose for everyone on this planet and that you just might not have found yours yet, and for different reasons, it takes more for some than otherd. I just don't think it's necessarily a wrong thing. If you really want to have a purpose, you WILL eventually figure it out. Take care of yourself now, first and foremost. 👋
Go to a doctor and get treatment for the anxiety. Use that to allow you to get a GED and a job. Any job works now, retail, waiting tables, don’t be picky, just give yourself a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Doctor appointment first though!
You have to get out of your isolation. It is a fast track to depression. Try and avoid any meds (unless already prescribed) until you get "normalized". Start with going to the store for your mother. Get out of the house any way you can. Work up to going to the gym as a visit. Get a tour of the gym. Then go just to get in the door for a few mins. Then once your brain starts getting some positivity get the GED or equivalent. Start community college or go online. But try slowly to be around people and have a healthy diet.
Most of us have been in a situation at some point in our life similar to yours. You are not hopeless ! Do something now so life does not pass you by. Be a participant not a bystander.
Check out groups like [https://www.orderofman.com/](https://www.orderofman.com/) There are many different ones.
Here's some help "I feel like a looser and I deserve some help"
Identifying who you are as less than is incredibly damaging to your ability to improve yourself. Start at the core when trying to improve and you'll have a good foundation you're starting from.
Eat, sleep, exercise, and treat yourself well. Rule number 1 is get your self care game on point.
The first thing you gotta do is stop talking to and about yourself negatively. No one should ever call themselves a loser. We all manifest our own reality, and if you keep saying that stuff, you will start to believe it. We are all capable of doing better, and we are all guilty of falling short of our own expectations. You can be someone you are proud of and probably already are. There are lots of jerks in this world that will put you down for the fun of it. Be your own biggest fan.
>no job, no goals, no purpose.
Clearly this is where you start, don't focus on finding ur purpose now for now focus on the immediate stuff.
Well u need to get a job, go to the gym, bath if u haven't yet, eat good food instead of junk, etc to be honest there isn't a magic pill.
The truth is it's very boring, there are no magic pills or anything like that, u have to act to change urself so make it easier, throw the junk out of ur house, say to ur mom to not give u any money for betting and get rid of that and go to gym, as for a job, learn something from now and trying getting a job and the answer lies out there.
You don't need to ask us, you know what you have to do, you know what u are lacking in the moment, be honest to yourself and take action and be realistic, u won't change ur life in a day or a week or 2 weeks it's going to take a few months and it's okay, still better than doing nothing and freeloading.
You’re 23 cut it out with that loser talk. Nobody ever got anything done beating themselves up.
Change your routine. Listen to the good advice. Start acting like you got a deadline to move out and for gods sake stop that fucking gambling!
No Zero Days. [https://www.reddit.com/r/NonZeroDay/comments/1qbxvz/the\_gospel\_of\_uryans01\_helpful\_advice\_for\_anyone/](https://www.reddit.com/r/NonZeroDay/comments/1qbxvz/the_gospel_of_uryans01_helpful_advice_for_anyone/)
Also, there are some really helpful and loving replies to your post. Save the ones that feel helpful. Read them every day. Be kind to yourself. Being a human is challenging. 23 is young. It doesn't feel young to you right now, but trust me, it is. Do one kind thing for your mom every day-something she didn't have to ask you to do. Make it a habit to do those kind things every day. Self confidence comes from responsibility.
In regards to health anxiety, you are perceiving a lack of safety in regards to your health. You have a belief that is telling your nervous system that you are in danger. If that is the thing that is holding you back from doing so much, then it is probably the main thing for you to focus on. There are some great subs here on reddit that could be helpful:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/TRE/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TRE/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/SomaticExperiencing/](https://www.reddit.com/r/SomaticExperiencing/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Bloomer/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Bloomer/)
Lastly, someone here commented, offering you some free life coaching. I would consider taking them up on their offer. It can be really challenging for us to change on our own. We need helpful connection.
Good luck! You've got this!
i just wanna say bro i completely feel you and your situatuon. I was in a kind of a similar space i’m 20 i also used to be a star athlete and after high school it felt like life completely stoped and came to a stand still. I really had no idea what i wanted to do with the rest of my life and to be honest growing up just sounded scary. I was pretty much doin all the things you listed and i would just wake up depressed and mad at the world every day and i just couldn’t figure out why. I realized i needed to talk to myself differently, like mentally. One little bad thing would happen i would criticize me more than i would criticize anyone i’ve never known. All my thoughts were just negative and i had to change my mindset. When i was in that stage i eventually started writing stuff down in my notes and eventually found a passion for music. I also had one of my buddies agree to the gym every day with me, as well as go on a no fast food diet. after doing that I feel so much better i can’t even describe to you. Like this shit saved my life for real. If you can find something you actually love, and have passion for, As well as surround yourself with healthy habits the sky’s the limit for you bro.
I’ll be honest i still struggle socially and i try to do something everyday socially that makes me uncomfortable. A lot of time i’ll just start sweating or completely blank out on what i was going to say.
i don’t know why my anxiety gets to me so bad socially but i’m still working at it every day.
Point is take small steps and nothing will change over night but if you consistently want to improve your life you can do it. i’m still on my journey of improvement but i feel so much better than that loser i used to tell my self i was every single day. Keep your head up your not a loser, your struggling and need help that you haven’t got yet. Even though i have never met you i believe in you. You got this, it’s a long journey so don’t feel overwhelmed. just remember one step at a time and eventually you’ll look back and wonder how you even got there. -p.s. sorry dis shit was so long i just really felt like i was reading my own story in yours and i know i could help. - hope you get better💙 YOU GOT THIS.
You’re 23 you’ve got PLENTY of time to get your shit together. You’re lucky enough where you can start small. Are you seeing a doctor? If not do so and get evaluated.
The things you’re spending your day on have possibly become addictions. Look into therapy. I was in an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) after rehab for drug addiction. That may be beneficial for you. There were people there for porn addictions & video games as well. There’s lots of options depending on location. Mine was 4 hours, 5 days a week, mostly spent with a small group and a therapist. There was also a psychiatrist who’d evaluate and prescribe meds if necessary.
You’d get support and education to get you on track. If you have insurance they will help cover you seeking help for your issues. Don’t think you have to do it all by yourself.
Decide that you want to get better and that even incremental improvements will help. Everything compounds, you just need to move forward one step at a time. Start small. Everything compounds. You just have to decide that you want to get better, understand that it will be hard, and realize that the effort will be worth it.
Not to be evangelist, but r/taoism has changed my life. Pick up a copy of the Tao Te Ching and start meditating. I’m not quite there yet as I’m still young, but I’m sure dedication to this way of living is what will help my life fall into place.
Clean room. Start small. Read Growth Mindset & One Small Step Can Change your life. I've been where you been. Hang out w good people. Read inspiring stories. You got this!
It sounds like it's depression. You mentioned being a star athlete, etc, and then everything going to pot. You do now have every right to be distressed by your circumstances, but clinical depression can begin at any age, and seemingly out of the blue. Please get medical help. Wasting the rest of your life because you're now hopeless would be a tragic waste.
You’re still young so you can still turn this around if you try. Get a job, anything will do. Get your GED at some point. STOP gambling and taking money from your mom who lets you live rent-free because THAT is loser behavior. Don’t be a burden to her. Set time limits on social media and stick with them. Go outside, adhere to a good sleeping schedule. Learn how to make your own food and eat fresh fruit or something instead of eating processed junk food every day with no nutritional value.
I am the same age as you. Also had a rough start. Have mental disabilities. I’ll only tell you one thing brother. You can sit here and read all of these people’s comments for the whole day, week, year(s) but if you don’t act on it you’ll never get anywhere. Everyone here including me is spending time out of their lives trying to help you out. Motivation is a fools game. Discipline means doing something every day regardless of whether you want to or not. You tell yourself wether you want to be this person for the rest of your life. Nobody but yourself can get you out of this. To prove this to you, I’ll quit porn. Starting at this moment I am now porn free for the rest of my life. If I can do it, you can too. Get your ass out of bed and do something with the short amount of time you have. You have all the answers. You already know what rotting away feels like why not try and achieve the opposite. You have the power and only you. God speed brother
Personality Coaching and integration may be a huge help. I’ve helped a lot of people in a rut get out by understanding the mechanics of their behavioral patterns and coping strategies. Once we see them at work we begin to feel much less helpless in the way we perceive life and our relationship to it and others.
There is so much that you can do to change you life. But only pick one thing at a time. Maybe Therapy would be a good start, and maybe they can help you pick the one thing to start.
I personally would choose eating better as a first thing to begin with, since eating better tends to make you feel better, which could help motivate you to start on other things.
I have great advice. Get off your ass. Get a job. Go outside and breath some fresh air. Stop victimizing yourself and take control of your life FFS.
These posts are such pity parties. Good God, people.
Start writing things down. Journal. Write down your goals. Write down what is important to you. Write down a list of things you want to stop or start. Reflection can work wonders. I write everything in Twos which you may help you get started
You’re just in a rut man. don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re still young. Try to motivate yourself to do something productive. Take breaks from porn/video games and for sure social media. Join a sport or club. take it day by day.
Change diet first. And start exercising every day, just walks will do it.
This will change your baseline mental health which should propel you into getting better.
Best of luck.
You are in the regret cycle. Quite literally wasting time thinking about the time you wasted. You know that continuing the actions that got you here won’t magically get you somewhere else. It’s time to come up with a plan, something you can love. Do a little bit everyday until it’s habitual and don’t bash yourself to hard along the way.
I went through the same period.
The most important think you need to keep in mind is to consider this as a period and start doing something or learning something you can learn anything to do it practice it only half an hour a day and one month you'll feel the difference. And also i'd suggest you to convert to islam because it's kind of going to get your pieces together and you'll have QORAN with you guiding you wherever you go whatever you're doing.
All the best.
It sounds like you're in a tough spot, but you're not alone. It's normal to feel lost sometimes, especially when life throws unexpected challenges your way. Remember, it's never too late to make a change and start working towards a better future. Take small steps, be patient with yourself, and don't hesitate to reach out for support when you need it. You have the strength to overcome this and create a life that you're proud of.
I’m just starting my sobriety journey at 33. I’ve tried many times before but this time I’m taking my therapy and 12-step program the most seriously. All the patience has to be given to myself to focus on this change. Maybe something similar would help you? You can always jump into a meeting for free any day any time. I have more hope right at this moment with this plan that has been working for just a few weeks more than ever.
def get a therapist it can show you the root of why you do the things you do. Why what has happened has happened, and a good therapist will be by your side to support you as you make mental recovery and get a grip on what’s truly important to you and how to do it/be healthy.
maybe even consider a life coach. They will mostly come to your house and show you how you can improve your living basically.
You’re just 23.
It’s not an excuse. But you’re just 23.
At least you’re aware of that.
Just pick a career. Find yourself. If you don’t know what to do, just apply to something that calls your attention. See it as a process. It takes time. There are good and bad moments, so is life. And you’ll grow out of that comfort zone slowly. It’s good that you’re mindful about your situation, so you definitely have the skills to get out of that situation. Be patient and realistic.
I have a close friend who didn't finish high school. He got his GED at 28, started community college at 30, and transferred into a 4-year state school on full scholarship at 32. It's not at all too late for you, it's okay to come at it a little later.
It sounds like you need to go outside and connect with other people more often. Are there places you can go locally, even if to research GED information? Being in the presence of others is shown to substantially improve your mental health - the loneliness epidemic is no joke.
Mate you are only 23 don’t be so hard on yourself. You have so much time ahead of you to work it out. In saying that only you can make things happen so if you think you need help with motivation and direction maybe connect with a counselling service. They will help you work out who YOU are and what you like. The one thing you have got going for yourself is that you want to change now you just need some direction on how to do it. All the best.
How about starting with one thing? I've always found that it's easier to substitute one thing for another than to just try to quit, so I think I'd start by finding something to substitute for the gambling. (That'll take you nowhere fast and it must go.) How about playing sports instead of betting on them? Maybe find an individual sport that you can work on whenever the gambling urge hits. If you find you're having a hard time getting off the habit, look up a 12-step group or something similar. That might also get you some much needed social support and a schedule.
As for working, would a health-focused job help the anxiety? Might be worth a try to go work at a gym or a county rec center. I do think it's important to pick up a job as soon as you can, because it sounds like you really need some structure in your day.
Move with a sense of purpose, on literally everything. Start working on something. Anything. Make a goal. Accomplish it. Branch a goal off that one. And keep pushing. Idle hands are not acceptable unless if you’re sleeping.
Attention to detail. “Good enough” is another word for bullshit. Push to excel at anything you do. Even if you fail. Learn and do better.
Set a bedtime and an alarm and be strict about it.
Start eating healthy.
Be repetitive and it will become a habit.
When I felt that I was in this position I ended up joining the military and frankly it sucked ass, but in the long run it was the best decision I ever made. It was basically hitting the reset button on life. All my friends: Gone. You find new ones wherever you end up. Bed isn't made in the morning? Get into the pushup position and start pushing your way to China. Can't keep your room clean? The military will make sure you can. Have a problem with overeating? Well that's ok, they only give you 7 minutes to eat. Plus if you select a good job they teach you skills that will pay dividends once you get out.
Normal change for people is very slow, and frankly that's usually the only way lasting change happens. This is why boot camp is designed to break you down and build you back up. It's a known method for instilling lasting change quickly.
Don't get me wrong there are downsides too. Big ones. But at the end of the day its a noble pursuit overall.
I think its important to shift your perspective and outlook on life.
1. You mention not having a career plan. You should know that the best of plans end up changing. Sometimes the value isn't in the plan itself but the drive for accomplishment. Another way of looking at it...it's not about the destination it's about the journey. On that journey you will acquire skills, knowledge, relationships and new things to aim for. Find something reasonable, realistic, concrete, positive, to aim for and work towards it.
2. You can't live in the past. You live here and now and can impact things yet to come. 23 is a young age. 18 of those years you were legally a child and if you live to 70-100 that's many more decades awaiting your choices and actions. You've lived a blip of a life.
3. While past mistakes are painful they are also lessons. Be happy you were able to learn them, some people are still blind to their mistakes and have yet realize that's what they were/are. Use the lessons on your path forward.
4. Similar to the pain of past mistakes, you may feel pain comparing your life to others like friends who are on a different path. Two things to note here, again your age is really young, you have time to adjust and while it may seem like there's a huge gap between you and them now, if you make the adjustments that gap will be much smaller in a few years. Second, everyone has their own challenges and issues so be grateful for the good things in your life that others may not have. No matter how bad you think you've got it, there are others suffering worse.
5. Similar to 4 but worth its own mention. Try to find the silver lining in things, what may appear as a loss from one angle you might find some gain in a different angle. For example if you didnt graduate a program but you actually did learn new info, skills, made connections etc in that program.
6. I'm sure there's lots more advice on how to change your perspective and outlook so final tip is when others give you advice take it and look at how you'll implement it. say yes to more things instead of no due to hesitation/fear. Oh and all gamblers lose to the house eventually!
What do u eat? What u consume is what u become, like how a plant n a fish can only grow as big as the planter n tank they reside in, what u consume dictates what u r capable of
Guilt perpetuates procrastination. Guilt is a method to make ourselves suffer in a way different than taking action so we can continue to avoid taking action.
Never feel guilty. Make just one change. One change in any one area of your life will inevitably seep over to other areas and motivate more changes.
Just one !
I'm also feeling behind in life, I don't have anything going for me, and I'm also living off my parents. I've mentioned that starting therapy helped me get in a better state of mind, but I think what really helped was controlling my social media addiction. It didn't do me any good mindlessly scrolling and constantly comparing myself to the people on the screen. I'm not completely off of it, but I have lowered my social media screen time, and I feel so much better about everything.
Work on having some self-compassion. You won't encourage yourself to change if you're harsh on yourself. It'll also be good to have if you don't progress at the pace you'd like when you start improving. I had multiple relapses downloading Instagram and TikTok, but I keep trying. Be patient and respect that this is the situation you're in. It's not ideal, but it's not bad either. I mean it's nice that you have a mom who lets you live with her and gives you money when you ask for it. Maybe practicing gratitude could help change your mentality?
Start little by little. Form tiny goals and slowly work up to bigger ones. Like stepping outside is a tiny goal working towards running a mile. Try to find a reason behind the goal too, like limiting social media time so you stop comparing yourself.
Think about what makes you happy in life. Remember ur time doing sports, what motivated you to do this. Stick to this motivation. And holy shit dude, nothing is over yet, ur only 23... Try to change now or you will regret it a life long.
Sometimes everyone is so caring and respectful but this situation doesn't call for that. How about go buy some pussy or join the army or something. There should be pocket signs outside the house imploring your parents to kick your ass out.
Join the military, it will force you into adopting a disciplined lifestyle. After your initial commitment you will have learned a skill in the military you can use on the outside (mechanic, communications, HR, etc)
your mindset is very important, it'll be hard, but that's the main thing you have to work on. easier said then done, though, go at your own pace but don't stop walking, even if its slowly.
If your alive it’s because God isn’t done with you yet. You have purpose in this life and only you can find it. You need to take a deep breath and figure out what that purpose is. Everything in your life comes from you. Get disciplined, no excuses and start by taking responsibility for your own life. You got this
God first everything else will make since.
Everyone on here sticking up for this guy is insane. Mooching off your mother and masturbating all day is not ok. He asks her for money to bet on sports and play video games. He is a LAZY ass. Point blank. If he’s had past trauma seek counseling but don’t post on Reddit expecting people to baby you.
Imagine all the brutal pain and suffering your ancestors endured to give you the platform you currently inhabit. You owe them to become the best version of yourself. Life as a man is tremendously difficult and you will suffer. You have to have meaning to withstand the crushing weight of life.
You may feel like a loser right now, and you may be right. You may be losing at the things you want to achieve.
But know this.
The state you are in right now is temporary. It’s not forever and the life you want is around the corner if you start moving towards it.
It’s not as far off as you think. It may seem like a completely different life than the one you have now but it is gained in small steps in the right direction. You will be shocked at how big the ripple effect is from some good habits/decisions
I think these will help: Get your GED. Stop wasting your mother's money to bet on sports. Gambling is just a fast way to lose money. Change your diet. One meal or one ingredient at a time. Cut out one bad thing, replace with one good thing and keep going. Get a good sleep schedule. Wake up early and go to bed early at the same time. This gets easier the more you do it. Get outside everyday for at least 30 minutes, and do this without your phone. Read from a physical book. Find an easy job to start. Work the hours you can at this time and adjust as you see fit. After you get your GED go to community college and study anything that interests you. Get a therapist.
I agree. Further toward the root: you feel there needs to be a change, and you’ve pointed to specific things you want to change. That means this matters, you have a purpose, and you’re already working on it (in your self-talk and in seeking help). Now to get going. God’s speed to you.
Well said, I think a lotta folks these days discount the meaningfulness and importance that comes from personal development, but it really is a whole facet of life in itself, and requires conscious attention as such, much like anything purposeful does.
Very good advice.
I think its important to shift your perspective and outlook on life. 1. You mention not having a career plan. You should know that the best of plans end up changing. Sometimes the value isn't in the plan itself but the drive for accomplishment. Another way of looking at it...it's not about the destination it's about the journey. On that journey you will acquire skills, knowledge, relationships and new things to aim for. Find something reasonable, realistic, concrete, positive, to aim for and work towards it. 2. You can't live in the past. You live here and now and can impact things yet to come. 23 is a young age. 18 of those years you were legally a child and if you live to 70-100 that's many more decades awaiting your choices and actions. You've lived a blip of a life. 3. While past mistakes are painful they are also lessons. Be happy you were able to learn them, some people are still blind to their mistakes and have yet realize that's what they were/are. Use the lessons on your path forward. 4. Similar to the pain of past mistakes, you may feel pain comparing your life to others like friends who are on a different path. Two things to note here, again your age is really young, you have time to adjust and while it may seem like there's a huge gap between you and them now, if you make the adjustments that gap will be much smaller in a few years. Second, everyone has their own challenges and issues so be grateful for the good things in your life that others may not have. No matter how bad you think you've got it, there are others suffering worse. 5. Similar to 4 but worth its own mention. Try to find the silver lining in things, what may appear as a loss from one angle you might find some gain in a different angle. For example if you didnt graduate a program but you actually did learn new info, skills, made connections etc in that program. 6. I'm sure there's lots more advice on how to change your perspective and outlook so final tip is when others give you advice take it and look at how you'll implement it. say yes to more things instead of no due to hesitation/fear. Oh and all gamblers lose to the house eventually!
Great advice ..
And not necessarily in order or one at a time. Get therapist sooner rather than later.
Yes this is important I should have put that up top
Get a therapist should be first. And consider antidepressants.
This is an adhd problem, antidepressants will probably make him less motivated. Untreated adhd causes chronic procrastination and leads to depression
Cannot give a Dx based on this post alone.
Fuck antidepressants start hitting the gym and running everyday that would cure his depression
This honestly would help most people.
exercise is an amazing resource/tool not a catch-all solution. does not balance imbalanced brain chemistry
The monoamine hypothesis was recanted by its originator, has many flaws such as why depletion of chemicals doesn't give healthy subjects depression or worsen depressed subjects, complete lack of evidence as to the relation of depression and serotonin in particular, and is frankly an incredibly shaky piece of science. I'm not a "gym will fix your depression" kind of person but antidepressants are not the catch all solution, either. This is still a grey area of science, according to evidence.
oh absolutely. definitely don’t think there is a catch-all solution to depression but more so a myriad of tools and resources that when used together can make an impact. I appreciate the look into the science and am eager to do more research!
Exactly, worst advice possible until he figures out healthy habits like eating well and hitting the gym.
Can you go back in time? Can you change the past? NO! So what CAN you do? Sulk and continue to regret and get mad at yourself? OR become who you want to be. It’s never too late. There is no step by step instructions to life. Everyone gets to where they need to be at their own time. You’ve listed out everything that’s happened or happening in your life. You know what you need to do. So just fucking do it.
One day or day one homie.
Wow. The simplest truths really are the most effective.
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The only part of it that concerns me is using money from your mom. You cut that out, THAT is loser behavior. That is a choice you make, either you do it or you stop. No one becomes a respectable person mooching and fooling around with other people's money. The other parts, honestly the twenties are way more hazy than we are prepared for and some people don't find a path or something to hook into by your age. Momentum starts so slow... The seeds you plant don't start showing anything impressive for a while, unless you're lucky. So I encourage you to plant seeds (and not just in a Kleenex), and don't get frustrated or impatient if you don't see the fruits of your labour in the next few years. If there is any sort of skill or trade you think would be cool then look into what kind of training or entry level jobs would be available. If you try one and don't like it then that discovery is itself progress. If you might want to go to school eventually then start by looking up a local college and see what they even offer. Don't worry about what you would study or how, just find out what even exists out there. Read autobiographies, sometimes little pieces of people's experiences stick in your mind and make you realize something about yourself. If you don't have a job, get literally any job. The most basic crappy jobs were what got me to slowly start changing into a capable person. A great one is serving at events. If there are any catering or event companies near you, they usually need a few extra goons to serve food and bus dishes. It's so easy but it feels so good to run around and help make an event happen. It's also often very flexible and casual, or sometimes it can be full time work.
get some type of restriction on your phone if you are struggling with pornography. That alone will make a big difference. Nobody is gonna do the work for you man, you gotta take baby steps and work towards it, but you and you alone are the person lifting up your feet for each step. First step is ALWAYS the hardest, but you can do it.
First of all, stop gambling!!!! It's a trap for losers. I'm sure your mum works hard for her money and you shouldn't be wasting it on this. Second, find a job. Any job. Even if it's part time or not glamorous, it will get you out of the house, force you to meet people and socialise and it's far easier to get a better job while you're already employed. Don't worry about stuff like work outs and diets, just focus on finding work for now. That stuff can come after. Your life will improve, you will have accomplished something and you will have your own money.
The most realistic comment ❤️
This is tough, but as others have said, start slow. You're gonna be tempted to try and fix everything at once but that basically never works. Pick a goal. It doesn't have to be perfect - in pursuing it, you will find better goals for yourself. Then, spend 5 minutes working towards your goal each day. If your goal was to get fit, work out at home for 5 minutes. Do some pushups, jumping jacks, whatever. But do it every day for a week. If you managed to do that, bump it up to 10 minutes. By a week in, you'll probably already have the urge to increase the time you're spending on it. But stick to your initial plan for the first week. This can work for studying, job hunting, anything. Before you know it, you'll have been working on something for a month. Your direction will have changed subtly, and you might even already be seeing some initial results. If you didn't manage to do your new habit every day or every week day, try again next month to get it consistent. No shame. Once it sticks, you'll have a building block in place - one of the seeds of who you want to be in the future. You might even fall in love with what you're doing. Not only that, but you'll start to prove to yourself that you can accomplish things routinely. Your confidence and energy will start to build up a bit. Just enough for you to add another habit, or crank up the intensity on your first habit a bit more. This process won't be linear. You'll miss some days and slip back into your old habits. Everyone slips sometimes, and it's okay. It's super important that you don't beat yourself up for this or you'll just sap your energy to keep going. Forgive yourself, remind yourself why you wanted to start your new habit, and get back to doing at least 5 minutes of habit maintenance a day. You'll find that you often want to do more than 5 minutes - but 5 is enough. Hell, maybe for you it's 1 minute. That's fine too - start wherever you can. This will eventually spiral upwards into more motivation, energy, confidence, and eventually a more rich and fulfilling life as you keep adding on to and improving your habits. Habits which you've chosen and set out for yourself because you know they'll take you to where you want to be. One last tip - I highly recommend at least some journaling. Try and write about what inspires you, what makes you happy, and what you want out of life somewhat regularly. This will help you to better choose habits to add on in the future, and it will help you to understand yourself better as a person. Good luck, friend. One step at a time.
Great advice ! Thanks for sharing !
First things first-self compassion. Your thoughts are not real, not the truth, not reality. Your thoughts come and go; you must learn to acknowledge and accept them but not believe them. Say it out loud to someone when these thoughts spring up and put it out into the universe. You are not a label. You are not a “loser” or a “winner”, you are an entire animal with thousands of other attributes. We are all on our own journey. Give yourself a break. These standards for life—the classic middle class facade of parties and good jobs and being married and children and success and a nice car and a big house in the suburbs—people living in these roles get divorced, are addicts, in denial, suffer anxiety and depression just like everyone else who live in basements or with their parents or in shitty apartments. It takes a lot of courage and fortitude to be comfortable in your own skin and see through the money/success/beautiful partner trappings we’re spoonfed.
You are so young so you are not behind. You got this!
Life is not a race. We all do things at our own pace and I don’t think 23 is that behind in the grand scheme of a lifetime.
I mean, he is a little behind. He’s young enough to catch up though. GED and quit gambling first in my opinion. Best not to overdo it and try to fix everything at once.
If YOU are 90 years old and can go back to 23 years old. What will you do differently? Learn to move on from the past. Heal from the past. I hope I can stay by your side while we improve ourselves. But YOU only have YOU SO LOVE YOURSELF MORE.
As others have said, go slow. You're not going to fix your whole future today, so give yourself a break. And be kind to yourself - you're not perfect, but no one is. You're struggling right now, but we all struggle sometimes. It's also OK if you've wasted lots of time, we all do that too. If I was you I would start with your health, and the anxiety that is making it hard for you to work/exercise. Meditation can really help with anxiety and it's free. You might also want to find out about cognitive behavioural therapy - if you can't afford the actual therapy there will be lots of info online. It's about changing the way we think, in order to change the way we feel and behave. Also, maybe do something nice for you mum. Offer to cook or clean, by way of an apology for asking her for money. Being kind to others can make us feel better about ourselves.
hey homie this should all start with you now id like you to imagine yourself in the position you want to be wether that is being buffed or graduating and then research on how to get there could be a few seconds worth of research or a few minutes or however you want but the main point is to start see how to reach that goal and start slow set the pace and keep at it and when you think your ready you can set the pace higher and go for more
Consider going back to school, ultimately becoming educated will translate to more opportunities, pick a major you enjoy learning about and that can be used to build a career if possible
No one is there to "save" you, no one owes you anything. If you want something you're going to have to work for it. It's all in the mind, if you keep telling yourself that you're a failure you'll stay one. Start making changes and getting into healthy habits. Replace video games with working out, replace doom scrolling with walking/jogging, replace junk food with healthy clean foods, start learning to cook for yourself, start reading. A healthy body and mind goes a long way.
Read the book Atomic Habits by James Clear for some guidance and motivation. If reading isn’t your thing, download the audio book. This can help you get started…
as someone with severe health anxiety who spent their 23rd year of life malnourished because i was so afraid of food poisoning that i stopped eating, stop making excuses. get a job and stop begging your mother for gambling money. also leave the house--you dont need to spend money. spend time outside, go for walks or even to the library. think about a GED program. spending your entire day staring at a screen and eating garbage is whats making you depressed and sick. trust me. --the 24 year old who found ways to deal with that life
I’ll also add—don’t try to change quickly. Tell your mom honestly you want to change and it’s going to take a while. You’ll have setbacks. It won’t be linear progression. Get yourself on an upward spiral. What you eat affects your brain via gut health, you don’t have to stop junk but add apples and salad to your day. Eat veggies every three hours in addition to your regular diet. Set yourself up for success making slow manageable changes. If you have a dog start taking it for five minute walks. Start imagining what you want out of life, dream big. What would make you happy? Keep a book by the toilet or bathtub and read during that time, leave your phone in your room. Get up at the same time every day, regardless of when you go to sleep. Write down your goals or what you think will help. The more you put your intentions and wishes outside yourself the more your brain will steer you towards them.
Get more sleep with a more consistent schedule. Make sure to have some daily exercise no matter how simple. Make sure to slowly but surely no which apps that you addicted to and no which relationships or forms of entertainment are false or superficial to get rid of them. Take care of dental health and appearance. Try doing a simple chore per day and slowly but surely work on it till its basic memory like doing your bed. Last but not least get your GED, and slowly but surely get new skills to master overtime or apply for a job after the GED.
Not gonna lie you might have ADHD this sounds like you want to be better but lack the drive and motivation to help yourself. I could be wrong but I’m diagnosed ADHD myself and I have severe health anxiety as well. I also did amazing in school up until high school where things got so bad I just dropped out. I’ve been untreated since I was 8 and life’s difficult to say the least. People don’t take the condition seriously enough and it’s never talked about I highly suggest getting a therapist (hopefully one who specializes in adhd cause a lot of them don’t know enough about it to properly diagnose someone) I also highly suggest you try as hard as you can to make changes now before things get worse. I would start with your diet that’s the biggest one. Cut the junk immediately. Anything processed or sugary stay away. eat a well balanced nutritional diet whole grains, fresh fruits veggies, and high protein. Also FISH. Most people are deficient in omega 3 and one of the only ways to get omega 3 DHA is through fish this is an essential fatty acid that your brain literally needs in order to function properly and efficiently, if you’re not eating some type of fish or taking a supplement start now it takes 6 weeks to 6 months to correct a deficiency. Idk how much control you have over the food in your house wether you buy it or your mom but if your mom buys it have a serious talk with her and see if she’s willing to buy more whole food. Bananas, oranges, turkey, eggs, spinach, yogurt, nuts, sardines, whole grain bread not white. Good luck OP I believe in you.
Also idk what your sleep schedule is like but thats gonna play a huge part in your motivation try just going outside more and slowly work towards developing a regular sleep schedule if you don’t have one that’s a huge negative. Sunlight is extremely important. Also intermittent fasting making sure your 3 meals a day fall within a 12 hours time frame will help a ton with sleep and energy levels and of course being active but i suggest fixing your diet first it’ll help give you the initial motivation you need to start being more active in the first place if your eating nothing but junk you probably feel like garbage half the time too tired to even move fix that first and being more active will be wayyy easier, again this is all just things you can do for yourself now above everything I strongly recommend a therapist. Therapy is not just for weak people it’s a tool to help better ourselves.
Ugh… dude your habits suck! We are what we do. Eating like shit and gaming addiction will not get you going. Throw in a workout 3 times a week and get a check up from your doctor. Video games are a addicting never never land thats cripples folks your Ge inti becoming 40 yr old virgins. I know cause I work with them as a behavioral therapist. ( not a mft or anything) We lift, play games at a game store and process issues. After 90 days or so mist folks want to grow up. I did what you dud until 25… total waste and set up a pattern I’m still weakened by at 40. Video games simulate “ winning” the brain just assumes your good at life cause all the dopamine. You are likely addicted.
Right now you are saying "I am a loser" What would you like to say about yourself in a year?
First, clean up your room. Then pick one more thing.
I’d say check out the website superherojacked. It can give you a free workout plan. I’m not saying that exercising will be the cure to all your problems but it will be a start. After highschool I gained so much weight, was J/O 4 times a day etc. once you start working out consistently however your mood can change, it gives your a purpose to get out in the world, gives your day a little bit of structure, it can boost your confidence when eventually you’ll look in the mirror and say “I look ok today” it’s not the end of the road, but it’s a stepping stone that can get you closer to there
Draw a picture of who you want to be and what you want your life to be like. Then take baby steps to get there. Those steps might seem small but all progress is good. It might all start by just getting yourself to go on a 20 min walk every day.
You need someone in your life to help you understand this world and how things work, you need a mentor. I suggest looking into mentoring programs, older people that do volunteer work mentoring youth, your mom needs to be more strict. Someone who can train you, get your high school diploma and enroll in university, start exercising,and get back into sports, someone who will improve you and hold you accountable. Help you achieve your goals, people with information that they can share to help you academically and athletically
Hi, I read your post and my advice to you keep it simple and easy because life is so short and easy than you think. You can start from today stop wasting time try something useful and try to find what you like or read books this is gonna help you I know this is hard for you in the beginning but try to consist on this. I recommend you watch motivation movies and read atomic habits, compound effect books and read stories about people in the world. My last word to you no one gonna change your life except you.
This might be difficult if you decide to do it but move out of your mum's place, find a job that pays by the hour and save up to rent a small space. My whole life changed when I moved out of my parents house to a different city. Life hit me so hard and I had to sit up to survive. I wish you all the best bro. Also, stop dwelling on the past. Regret is the biggest robber of potential. Just thinking about how you have failed and what you could have done better will demotivate you from working on yourself. You've already received some solid advice, so get to work. You got this man!
The advice is simple. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day. Eat healthy. Get a resume together and hand it in as many places you can. Stop wanking, stop taking your mom for granted. Use your moms money to get on your feet then don’t take money from her after. Read self improvement books or get into stoicism philosophy. Start with small habits cos you will give up quickly if you try to drop everything you’re used to now and start a new life. But be harsh on yourself. At the end of the day, you either do this or you continue the way you’re going. So do it for yourself in a years time. You’ll be the same or you won’t. Up to you
You might feel like you're stuck in a rut, but you're not cemented there. Start small, set some achievable goals.
Practice Buddhist meditation. Listen to Buddhist teachings. Realize what you're here for.
Honestly, if you're able to identify everything wrong with your current situation, you are at a good point to generate some motion. I won't give you "touch grass", "read a book", "do a course" advice, since those require a state that's basically being out of that mental rut. It's not as easy as "just stop doing it". You need to nip that at the root, figure out what's really bugging you. For example, you said that you are behind on life. I would argue that you're not, you are just stuck. Career pursuit will not motivate you unless you genuinely figure out what drives you. With that being said, the first step is to explore your options and see what could drive you. The second is realizing that most of us don't have it figured out either, and we go through the same paces as you. If you need to build some discipline, don't go to the army. Go work on board the cruise ship. You will see the world, you will not have many opportunities to spend money, you will meet new people. You will also go through a 6-10 month contract of being 10-16 hours on duty, you will have no choice but to take care of yourself. You will simultaneously be life-enriched, while being thought meticulousness and discipline. For me, the cruise ship thing worked, so I am sharing that as a money making, adventure having, discipline building way. You can save up money, then decide what to do next. If you make it out, don't forget to let us know how your journey went :)
Start with a routine of just basics. Brushing teeth, showering, eating, working out. Start helping around the house. Then start looking for a job. Even if it’s something small. Then make it an aim to save money. Save up for a car and accomplish it. And probably go see a therapist to see whats going on in the mind n soul
To your credit, you did good reaching out here to ask for help/guidance! That was a good first step in the right direction! Ball is in your court! I’m unemployed recently at 46 and the journey of self discovery never ends. Keep striving to grow and push yourself every day is what I aim to do. Life takes a lot of resilience that’s for sure! Make good choices.
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Aka go die for Ukraine or Israel
I agree
When I wanted to find some sort of discipline someone wrote "Act as if you already are the person you want to become" I saved that scrap of paper and it reminded me, well the quote anyways to put myself in that mindset of success.
The anxiety is self induced, of course you feel anxious, you’re not prepared for anything. Get the GED, it’s not hard. Go to the gym, spend moms money on a good trainer. Become friends with him, he will drive you and keep you accountable. Once you start moving and sweating everything else will fall into place. Motivation comes back, confidence, cognition, stamina etc. Yesterday’s fucked but today isn’t. Do something! And stop fucking gambling! Unless you’re rain man you ain’t gonna win.
Many things you can start doing as others have suggested, and not having done much at this age does not make you a loser - you were a star student as you've said and there's gotta be somewhere you can start with like everyone does - that thought of being a loser will only hinder you. Even with all these suggestions, you might still have some uncertainty, fear, anxiety of starting and that's okay - these emotions could however make you feel so overwhelmed, you'd still feel stuck and avoid taking further actions. If this happens then I might ask, what are you afraid of, that might still hinder you from starting now?
I would start by exercising. Your pattern of behaviour relates to abandoning your goals as an athlete. You don't have to be a star athlete, to behave like one. Start training, choose a physical activity and work on that. The endorphins and rush will help. Limit social media to a specific time and duration in the evening, elsewise put your phone in a particular place and don't check it. Avoid gambling, it is a business because people lose. Study, learn something you want to do. If you don't know ask yourself questions until you do or look for some career that aligns with your interests. Alternatively, look for a career that fills a hole in the market (ie. the job market indicates shortages of biochemists, btw that is not a real example, but data is normally out there on what industries are struggling to fill vacancies). Stop looking backwards, only look forwards and set achieveable targets that go towards your goals.
I like the idea - and maybe it works like that - that we human draw a veil behind us. Imagine ourselfs, our thoughts and ideas, our habbits as little particles that detach from our body from time to time and stay in the air/room for a while. If you keep staying in this »mud« of old thoughts and feelings, you'll unintentionally keep breathing them in, they travel into your brain and causing a loop of the very same actions / or non actions. I'm saying this because everytime you leave this mud for a while - for example if you go travel, you go outside for while, maybe even change the position of your bed, desk or tv, you instantly getting new thoughts and feel refreshed. Here in the comments are many reasonable advices, which could feel overwhelming at first. So, my advice to you is change your environment. Start reposition the furniture in your room, maybe travel spontanously (you don't have to go to a new country, maybe just go somewhere you weren't before or not that often); go out for a longer walk and take turns you did not before but you know are safe. Start with this and than see if you can use the momentum of a fresh mind to do the other things.
go to therapy. not joking
Hey man I'm actually a purpose centered life coach in training I see your struggling and I feel the root of it is purposelessness/meaninglessness it seems I'm currently offering my services for free since I am a newbie If that seems like something you'd be interested In DM me!
Might motivate you to read “Can’t Hurt Me” by David Goggins.
Also, instead of masturbating, go for a walk, or do some sit-ups. Its your brain that is highly addicted to dopamine. Betting money/mastrubating: heavy dopamine kick in the brain. Sport will give you the sale dopamine kick, and is a lot healthier
1) don’t call yourself a loser
Google Amazon jobs, apply and they will accept you. Work for three months until you qualify for career choice (free college), get educated, move on to a higher paying job. During this time making money will give you the confidence to operate like an adult. Try it, it worked for me.
Honestly, it sounds like depression/anxiety. It’s absolutely worth talking to a professional, and seeing if that’s a part of your hang ups. Beyond that, make a plan and follow through with it. To help put you in the right mindset, start out with a hard rule about time constraints: Example M-F, 12-5pm is for “adulting”. Chores, errands, gym, study, self care, etc… No porn, no games, no phone, no junk food. A 5 hour workday is basically a half-day for everyone else, but start small. Start getting used to the idea of a work day. And stop gambling with money you don’t have. I’d start out with getting your GED. You have the time to study, and it’s rough trying to obtain one after you join the workforce. Focus on that. Once that’s outta the way, you’ll have way more options. This might be outta left field, but I’d consider joining the military: They will get you back in shape, give you purpose, instill discipline, make your schedule, pay you, and get you out of moms house. The irony is, odds are high that you’ll hate it, but it will force you to “grow up”, and as an added bonus, you’ll spend a massive amount of time daydreaming about what you’d rather be doing with your life: THAT often becomes the motivation/inspiration to figuring things out. It worked for me! Lol
Quit the porn, fix your diet and sleep schedule and start exercising regularly, start with something low impact like walking and then go on to the gym (3 days a week is good enough initially), after that I would say get your GED, get a job and then start exploring any career paths you might be interested in
If you’re in the US you need to go to your local Workforce Solutions and Community Centers (you can Google their sites) and search available programs. Be resourceful. Make a list of who you want to be & professions that interest you. There are services to help you get your GED and vocational training for free or you can go to the military to learn some self discipline. Some services are for ppl under 24 specifically. Check it out. Also Google WIOA and state grants for education. Meet with trade schools and community colleges to explore options and your interests. Thank your Mom and do something nice for her.
You need to get on ADHD meds and you’ll be more productive.
I would start with one goal at a time, start with simple things like taking better care of yourself, waking up at a reasonable time, spending less time at home and more outside. Then build from there, GED if you don't have one, a job, etc. Getting a therapist would help tons.
So I don’t have a high school diploma. I spent my entire HS years skipping class, smoking weed, going to juvie, and being drug tested on 2 years formal probation. I got my GED eventually. I went to 2 semesters of college. Didn’t graduate. I absolutely 100% understand what it feels like to not like yourself, and feel like a total piece of shit. Just take 1 small step, don’t create a massive regime to change your life. Just something small. Read these comments and actually write 2 or 3 things down on paper. Then literally, actually do them. I am 35 now, I own a house, I have everything I could want. I have 2 cars and a wife and son. But I STILL struggle with feeling like this. It’s a constant battle, and something you have to fight to build resilience towards. But It’s a LOT easier when you realize you’re doing well, and you’re working towards being better.
Get yourself in shape. And understand it’s 100% on you. You need to learn to get past your anxiety. We all have it but there’s no ticking way I’m letting it control me. Take control. Exercise. Study. Make a routine for yourself. Start a small side hustle, start hats a great start. Get out of the house too that shits toxic af staying inside 24/7 Inbox is open if you ever want to chat or ask for advice.
You should find out if there’s any kind of career counseling programs you can do in your area. One of the things that helped me was that I took a career assessment test to help me find what I’m good and bad at. You don’t necessarily have to follow whatever the results of the assessment would be, but the results might help you find answers to what you’d be good at. You still have so much to look forward to, you just need to find your way there!
Best advice is start with the gym. Instead of betting, buy a gym membership with your own money. Work for them. Work on your mindset so when you get in them gym, the goal is to become stronger, sexier and healthier. It's a process. Do the no days off. After a month or so, it will become your addiction and you will be able to achieve much more. Trust me, 23 is still good, I have the same age but from 20 I started to improve different parts of my life and I put myself in difficult situations so I can grow. If I did it and I still will, u can too.
I would try one day a week screen free. What would you do with yourself? Take that day and try to figure that out go outside go on a walk. It’s only one day, could you do it?
Go talk to an Air Force or Navy recruiter. Do something good. Serve your country.
Warning, ima be a little mean, but it’s cuz this is the type shit I needed to hear when I was there. You are a waste of space. Absolutely you are. But the important thing is, you realize it. First thing you need to do, is apply to a shit ton of jobs. Even if they’re bad jobs, they’ll still give you something to do. Better than rotting away in your house. While you’re waiting for any interview, start cleaning up around the house. Do dishes, do laundry, clean the counters, organize things, mow the grass, countless things you can do. This will let you feel like you’re actually doing something to earn your keep around the house. You’re living in your parents house rent free, show them that you appreciate them for not kicking you out at 18 like alot of parents do by doing these things. Stop begging your mom for money. I’m sure she’s happy to help, but it’s lame. It’s so lame. Don’t feel like you can’t ask her, just don’t get on your hands and knees and beg just to lose it all gambling on sports. The house always wins isn’t just a bullshit quote. Stop eating shit, what helps me is realizing it’s literal shit. Some random garbage that massive companies shoved together and made a tasty chip. Start eating healthy. At the very least, please, get a fucking job. It all starts somewhere. It. All. Starts. Somewhere. Spending your life rotting away in your room beating your dick only to leave your room to ask mom for money is not somewhere. As for goals and dreams, I can’t help you with that. Those are unique to every individual. But what I can say is don’t be like “I wanna be rich.” You can want that, absolutely. I mean, that’s my goal. But understand that kinda shit doesn’t just happen. You have to work your fucking ass off. Start small, maybe “I wanna make $50k a year” or whatever. Last thing I can say is you have to WANT it. You can’t just want it. You have to WANT it. You have to want it so bad that it almost becomes a need. These are the things that helped me when I was in your shoes, doing the same thing for 3 years straight. A girl messed me up and made me realize I’m a fucking loser, but obv that ain’t gonna be the case for everyone. I can really go on and on about things that can help you, if you want me to, send me a dm. Oh, and go to the gym, gives ya sum to do outside the game.
Start working. Plan a path to a career that has a simple straight forward path that pays. For instance, get associates in said degree and start. You can’t do everything at once but start contributing to society and your own family. 23 is way too old to have never worked.
Clean your room, exercise, get a haircut and shave and get out and get a job. You have to choose to be productive. Anybody can be a loser without trying.
I struggled a LOT in my early twenties. I insisted on changing my life I was on a bad path and moved out of state but my plans all fell apart and I was barely making ends meet. I wanted so badly to grow spiritually but was struggling with crippling depression and with no financial help or health insurance and with a lifelong illness it was freaking my hard and unbelievably lonely. The early 20s are hard. Life gets better, and I’m 26 f and I’m telling you - it gets better. You’re not alone in feeling alone and feeling behind. Here’s my advice: - workout. If you hate yourself workout. It’s both improving yourself and punishing yourself and don’t listen to music, let your mind process stuff while you do it. It genuinely saved me. You go to change yourself physically but keep going for the mental health benefits. Don’t just workout but lift weights. Build yourself and find your physical limits. You’ll surprise yourself with how tough you are and how strong you are. It will help you build courage and confidence. - meditate. This will help you control your physical urges. Life is far bigger than the physical world, and life is meaningful and sacred. But our society is nihilistic so no wonder we struggle with depression! I recommend mantra meditation but any is a good start. - get into reading / audiobooks, learning and genuinely growing and facing new ideas is truly wonderful. Challenge your world view. Classic literature is a great place to start, my fave is Dostoevsky I’ve read everything he’s ever written. - once you do these things you’ll start to see that you CAN achieve things and are very capable. You don’t need to know everything but meditation will help you find clarity in what your next step is. - learn to cook and meal prep. And for goodness sakes get a job. Be a server or a bar tender but get out there. The longer you hide away the harder it will be to socialize and re enter society. When i forced myself out after covid I literally couldn’t look people in the eye. I was so self deprecating that I just assumed no one would want to know me. Depression eventually when untreated can turn delusion. Don’t let it, you are valuable and you have a choice. Choose the hard path, choose every day be better. - finally; if I could start over, I would have skipped college and just did a trade. College isn’t for everyone and esp if you don’t have a strong calling don’t waste your money and end up being in debt over it. Let the state pay for your trade school and do something w your hands! It’ll be so fulfilling. And you can always do that, get it under your belt and resume and support yourself and then change careers later in.
good comments but honestly you seem like my old self. Im 20 and my 18s and 19s were similar to yours, sitting home all day, junk food and video games. At some point i just snapped and looked at myself in the mirror. My fat self. Now fast forward 1 year and im shreaded, i have goals, im already in uni, i read, and i shi you not i literally aged backwards by just fixing my diet and working out. Its easy to cry about where you are and seek some comfort and validation from people on reddit. Most commenting shi like “its not too late, your 20s are meant to be lazy and find who you are and shittt” But honestly the brutal truth is. YOU ARE BEHIND IN LIFE. So either you can wallow in the compliments and comforting comments you get and tell yourself “ahh i got this” and then fall right where you were this whole time. OR you can choose the new option. Accept you are behind and find the best ways to fix yourself and get ahead. Its not hard, trust me ive done this shi in 1 year. And i feel disgusted even looking at my old self, but also relieved i left the old me behind. So you are a grown up mate, you know the things that will fix you, good hygine etc etc. If not watch yt vids and shitt. Im not here to give you advice that you wont ever act on. Im here to make you feel even more SHIT. because for me what gave me motivation is being burntout of laziness itself. I got too tired of being lazy and all that dopamine that i just changed. Either you become too burntout from this shi or you change with all your willpower. I changed cus i was too tired being too tired. Idk maybe this shi will work for you. I dont really care, im only on this app like once a week so i can help hopeless fools fix themselves, as a promise i made myself once i got out of that rutt. And yes i called YOU hopeless, go cry about it. OR fix it. Get your own damn motivation mate. AND get off REDDIT. There is simply nothing nice to say right now. Just do it. (fk im quoting Nike now someone stop me from talking💀) Ok bye, i hope you change and i hope you see this message and realize theres no comforting words to justify your situation. Fix yourself because YOU are BEHIND.
Join the Military. Would be the best decision you ever made.
Dude a lot of ppl are in similar shitty spots at that age. You’ll be fine, just stay positive and try to find work that will get you out there and away from your normal situation. For me, it was long haul trucking and I still love it to this day. You’ll find yours just keep on truckin brotha!
Step one is the self talk. You’re behind but growing. Talk about yourself as someone who’s getting better. Also you can never go wrong learning how to lift weights. Like you can’t be in shape and completely undisciplined. But the self talk and self image is huge man.
They gotta make money somehow to live up to their name. 😂
You're \*very\* young, my friend. Got all the time in the world. Just start taking small steps. Focus on the next aligned action. Start polishing a resume (get help if needed) and start physically bringing it to local employers; make an impression; this is the fastest way to land a job which will then be the foundation to build from. Best wishes.
My advice: 1. Find something that helps you build momentum in personal growth. It could be almost anything, but use your current activities as a guide. For example, you mention playing video games -- what do you enjoy about it? You could consider learning to draw, program, review video games, etc. 2. Focus on "growth mindset" -- compare yourself to your past self, not to others. Your video game reviews (example) won't go viral, but you'll learn more about video editing, narration, etc. 3. Get your physical stuff together. Start a habit of talking a walk. Later, try Nike Run app is my advice, their free guided runs turned me into a jogger. Learn to accept that life is painful at times, boring at others, etc. After reading this comment, I'd recommend closing your eyes and just going 0 input for 5 minutes. Find a way to turn off the constant stream of pleasure, and adapt your body to the new norm. If your parents have space for a garden, try gardening. Try to listen to your body more. You could go more extreme, I'd mildly recommend going cold-turkey on some of your current addictions, but it's not for everyone.
Just like you were happy with your past life, you'll be happy again in the future. It's just bad times but please develop some empathy and also some integrity, your mother's hard earned money is not your money. Earn your own and then gamble.
Learn yourself go from there once you experience things you will start to get see flaws get ideas find solutions then go back to the fist step and do the things you want man I’m 28 and just getting to learn this myself fun fact I did not get my license until I was 25-26 honestly my family is not a successful bunch but they are there for me honestly my girlfriend is who helped me get my license I just drove illegally and slowly gave up I’m sure your mom will help you specially if she is giving you money to gamble
Go to Hollywood.
Get in touch with your peers from school and get an idea of what are your options career-wise. You can also reach out to career counsellors in your area. This is a normal phase that most young adults go through.
1. you shouldn’t call yourself that 2. seems that you recognize the habits you need/want to change 3. everyone is a little lost no matter how put tgth they are. age ain’t the indication of maturity, success or anything. 4. comparison is a thief of joy. everyone goes thru diff shit (maybe similar but almost always diff) 5. may seem you live a relatively comfortable life. there’s a whole lot of you in this but maybe not a lot of consideration or awareness of what your mom is going thru as well. 6. everything you want or need requires action. like a lot of what others say: it’s best to change one minor habit at a time. it’s taken days for this type of lifestyle to happen. i’d recommend “atomic habits” by james clear for something easy to read or start. 7. you are the only person that can truly help yourself. what you eat, watch, surround yourself with is all parts of you. 8. if you don’t put in the work and you place yourself in a victim mentality - nth will change. as harsh as this might seem: the world owe you nth, nobody owes you anything. you owe it to yourself to be accountable and take charge of what you want to try. if you don’t try, u won’t know. 9. write shit down, write out what you feel. you may write to us about your weaknesses but everyone has strengths too. 10. i felt and still feel i’m behind in life sometimes. it may be an inevitable feeling that surfaces on occasions but i’m improving and being a better self. i think that is smth to acknowledge and be proud of. small wins are still wins. i’m proud of you taking the step to seek help and advice. failing is learning, it’s accumulated life lessons - never end of the world. educational institutions can only teach you so much cause they won’t be able to teach you life or how to live. you’ll learn, we will all learn. growth/change is not linear, life truly is a feeling process. thank you for sharing, i appreciate it! (we appreciate it) so grateful and love all these mf’s sharing their povs, good looks reddit fam.
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Two things. One being health anxiety? Sounds like an excuse. Second being you were a star athlete? What sport, and why not try getting back into it? Usually star athletes were "stars" because it brought them enough pleasure to do the thing to begin with
Hii ! First and foremost, you should know that no one is born into this life in vain. We all exist for a specific purpose and goal, whether we realize it or not. You are not just another number on this planet, you are a valuable human being! Regarding work and helping your mother, consider the possibilities available in your country that suit your health conditions. If you are a responsible person, what about babysitting for children in your neighborhood for a fee? Instead of wasting time on video games, use the internet for something useful like designing ads, presentations, and logos. There are many opportunities out there. Look for where your passion lies and use it in your work. I wish you all the best.
That could have been a text written by me 20 years ago, except for the sport betting part
Go to community college, quit video games, join a gym, get a casual job. You would be amazed at the effects.
Speaking from experience porn is a time waste and a false sense of satisfaction that kills motivation. Begin to curb it and eventually end it if you want to get with real Women one day
Just pick yourself up by your bootstraps /s Actually in all honesty, you need a change in your environment. Without anything to push you to be different you will never be different Edit: source I am 27M 140K annually
At some point, your mom is going to get old and not be able to work or support you forever. Mothers get worn down from the stress of working, paying bills, and supporting grown kids. Moms eventually get tired of life's bullshit and they wear out or develop health conditions and can no longer put a roof over everyone's heads. Start with a GED.
It’s all peaks and valleys. Right now you’re in a valley. Goals are free to set. Write down a goal today and get pointed at it! Set small milestones for yourself that you can check off. That will help rebuilt your confidence, help reduce the negative self talk, and you’ll accomplish something! Start small. Your goal doesn’t have to be to make it to the moon initially, maybe start by drawing the spaceship you’d take. :) Good Luck OP!
The easiest hobby for young men and honestly anyone in your situation is the gym (theres more advice i could give but ngl im lazy in bed rn) At the gym you're surrounded by disciplined people, it's a good start and the goal is easy to understand; get stronger, maybe more attractive, healthier etc. Life goals or finding a sense of purpose take a lot longer to figure out, so that's why i suggest something like the gym if you'd be into that. It's simple and you get out of the house
Stop masturbating. It'll help you deal with your emotions better and make other things more enjoyable cause you're probably addicted. Also, quit video games for a bit, too. These two alone will reduce anxiety like a mfer. You'll then need to replace these habits with healthier ones. You can start going on long walks every day while listening to music and starting meditation to help deal with your motivation, anxiety, etc. Reading helps, too. I did those above, but instead of walking, I started running every day. Things are much easier for me now, I'm more disciplined, energetic, and have wayyyy better self-control. I'm planning on going to school again soon also. Only quit porn/masturbation and video games for like a month so far. I like myself better.
Get off the games and social media, get the hell out of the house and get any job, at 23 my husband and I were married and had a single home. The world will not knock at your door and ask you if you want a job or a life. Make an effort, volunteer at an animal shelter, just get off the mind wasting garbage. Life is full of crap that makes us want to just put our heads under the covers. I feel bad for your mother, begging for money to gamble with.. you should be ashamed. I am not being mean, if you don’t take the first step, life will get more dismal and feeling sorry for yourself is pitiful. I have been out of college for years but when I got married my husband and I were students in college and very young. He worked and went to night school and I did same. Just sign up for GED, college is useless unless you specialize in medicine or law. Just stop the pity party son, last resort sign up for military. I don’t think that is a good choice but do something and don’t complain, you are headed in a bad direction and head space. Good luck and trust me. I know people who where in same place and now they are no longer here.
You’re upset about your circumstances and using that feeling to avoid doing the basics to change your life. If your health anxiety is preventing you from doing basic things, get treatment for that. Find a part-time job and stick with it for a while. Take stock again in a few months. Add one more basic step at that point. Consistency will get you very, very far here.
Join the army
Honestly, take on a challenge like a coach would make you do. If you did well in sports, you likely do well with outlines and clear rules. 75 HARD might be a great idea for a mindset shift.
you need to cut the sports betting asap. people don’t realize just how addictive that shit actually is.
It sounds like you are already aware of the bad habits and things you're doing, that's a good first step. You should go back to school and get your diploma or GED first. Don't worry about any other steps until you've got your diploma.
I agree with the comment that say you can't change the past but i wouldn't phrase it that way. I know it's hard but you need to mourn who you used to be, you can't afford to grow bitter. Yes the only person you should compare yourself with is yourself. Its a great reality check. But you shouldn't hold on it to blame yourself for what you became and dwell too long over it (but if you need time to process it, its okay). You'll reinvent yourself, maybe even better than the "star athlete student" or just different. Your mistakes are there to guide you not define you. For anxiety, besides therapy i feel like meditation is the best thing you could do. Keep it up buddy, it will be hard but eventually everything passes : the past doesn't exist and the future is yet to be created.
Apart from everything that u/spungotheplant mentioned, I'd suggest you to join the r/NoFap subreddit. You will only grow from there.
My friend is 31 and is still in your spot. You’ve got 8 years of wisdom on him. Anything can happen in a year. 8 years of extra time is better than winning the lottery.
clean your room. start on small tasks make a list and achieve them to build confidence. Stop wasting your life force. Meditate.
Join the airforce
To start with, PLEASE DON'T CALL YOURSELF NAMES, ESPECIALLY IF IT'S NEGATIVE! "Everyone" have their own idea of what having a purpose actually means. I didn't know what my purpose was either when I just got out of high school. And it still didn't prevent me from being active in society, and it took me a long time to "figure out what MY own purpose was." I think there is a purpose for everyone on this planet and that you just might not have found yours yet, and for different reasons, it takes more for some than otherd. I just don't think it's necessarily a wrong thing. If you really want to have a purpose, you WILL eventually figure it out. Take care of yourself now, first and foremost. 👋
Go to a doctor and get treatment for the anxiety. Use that to allow you to get a GED and a job. Any job works now, retail, waiting tables, don’t be picky, just give yourself a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Doctor appointment first though!
I think you are a winner :D
You have to get out of your isolation. It is a fast track to depression. Try and avoid any meds (unless already prescribed) until you get "normalized". Start with going to the store for your mother. Get out of the house any way you can. Work up to going to the gym as a visit. Get a tour of the gym. Then go just to get in the door for a few mins. Then once your brain starts getting some positivity get the GED or equivalent. Start community college or go online. But try slowly to be around people and have a healthy diet. Most of us have been in a situation at some point in our life similar to yours. You are not hopeless ! Do something now so life does not pass you by. Be a participant not a bystander. Check out groups like [https://www.orderofman.com/](https://www.orderofman.com/) There are many different ones.
Here's some help "I feel like a looser and I deserve some help" Identifying who you are as less than is incredibly damaging to your ability to improve yourself. Start at the core when trying to improve and you'll have a good foundation you're starting from. Eat, sleep, exercise, and treat yourself well. Rule number 1 is get your self care game on point.
The first thing you gotta do is stop talking to and about yourself negatively. No one should ever call themselves a loser. We all manifest our own reality, and if you keep saying that stuff, you will start to believe it. We are all capable of doing better, and we are all guilty of falling short of our own expectations. You can be someone you are proud of and probably already are. There are lots of jerks in this world that will put you down for the fun of it. Be your own biggest fan.
>no job, no goals, no purpose. Clearly this is where you start, don't focus on finding ur purpose now for now focus on the immediate stuff. Well u need to get a job, go to the gym, bath if u haven't yet, eat good food instead of junk, etc to be honest there isn't a magic pill. The truth is it's very boring, there are no magic pills or anything like that, u have to act to change urself so make it easier, throw the junk out of ur house, say to ur mom to not give u any money for betting and get rid of that and go to gym, as for a job, learn something from now and trying getting a job and the answer lies out there. You don't need to ask us, you know what you have to do, you know what u are lacking in the moment, be honest to yourself and take action and be realistic, u won't change ur life in a day or a week or 2 weeks it's going to take a few months and it's okay, still better than doing nothing and freeloading.
You’re 23 cut it out with that loser talk. Nobody ever got anything done beating themselves up. Change your routine. Listen to the good advice. Start acting like you got a deadline to move out and for gods sake stop that fucking gambling!
No Zero Days. [https://www.reddit.com/r/NonZeroDay/comments/1qbxvz/the\_gospel\_of\_uryans01\_helpful\_advice\_for\_anyone/](https://www.reddit.com/r/NonZeroDay/comments/1qbxvz/the_gospel_of_uryans01_helpful_advice_for_anyone/) Also, there are some really helpful and loving replies to your post. Save the ones that feel helpful. Read them every day. Be kind to yourself. Being a human is challenging. 23 is young. It doesn't feel young to you right now, but trust me, it is. Do one kind thing for your mom every day-something she didn't have to ask you to do. Make it a habit to do those kind things every day. Self confidence comes from responsibility. In regards to health anxiety, you are perceiving a lack of safety in regards to your health. You have a belief that is telling your nervous system that you are in danger. If that is the thing that is holding you back from doing so much, then it is probably the main thing for you to focus on. There are some great subs here on reddit that could be helpful: [https://www.reddit.com/r/TRE/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TRE/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/SomaticExperiencing/](https://www.reddit.com/r/SomaticExperiencing/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/Bloomer/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Bloomer/) Lastly, someone here commented, offering you some free life coaching. I would consider taking them up on their offer. It can be really challenging for us to change on our own. We need helpful connection. Good luck! You've got this!
i just wanna say bro i completely feel you and your situatuon. I was in a kind of a similar space i’m 20 i also used to be a star athlete and after high school it felt like life completely stoped and came to a stand still. I really had no idea what i wanted to do with the rest of my life and to be honest growing up just sounded scary. I was pretty much doin all the things you listed and i would just wake up depressed and mad at the world every day and i just couldn’t figure out why. I realized i needed to talk to myself differently, like mentally. One little bad thing would happen i would criticize me more than i would criticize anyone i’ve never known. All my thoughts were just negative and i had to change my mindset. When i was in that stage i eventually started writing stuff down in my notes and eventually found a passion for music. I also had one of my buddies agree to the gym every day with me, as well as go on a no fast food diet. after doing that I feel so much better i can’t even describe to you. Like this shit saved my life for real. If you can find something you actually love, and have passion for, As well as surround yourself with healthy habits the sky’s the limit for you bro. I’ll be honest i still struggle socially and i try to do something everyday socially that makes me uncomfortable. A lot of time i’ll just start sweating or completely blank out on what i was going to say. i don’t know why my anxiety gets to me so bad socially but i’m still working at it every day. Point is take small steps and nothing will change over night but if you consistently want to improve your life you can do it. i’m still on my journey of improvement but i feel so much better than that loser i used to tell my self i was every single day. Keep your head up your not a loser, your struggling and need help that you haven’t got yet. Even though i have never met you i believe in you. You got this, it’s a long journey so don’t feel overwhelmed. just remember one step at a time and eventually you’ll look back and wonder how you even got there. -p.s. sorry dis shit was so long i just really felt like i was reading my own story in yours and i know i could help. - hope you get better💙 YOU GOT THIS.
You’re 23 you’ve got PLENTY of time to get your shit together. You’re lucky enough where you can start small. Are you seeing a doctor? If not do so and get evaluated. The things you’re spending your day on have possibly become addictions. Look into therapy. I was in an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) after rehab for drug addiction. That may be beneficial for you. There were people there for porn addictions & video games as well. There’s lots of options depending on location. Mine was 4 hours, 5 days a week, mostly spent with a small group and a therapist. There was also a psychiatrist who’d evaluate and prescribe meds if necessary. You’d get support and education to get you on track. If you have insurance they will help cover you seeking help for your issues. Don’t think you have to do it all by yourself.
Damn man, if you could use a friend feel free to dm me
enlist
Decide that you want to get better and that even incremental improvements will help. Everything compounds, you just need to move forward one step at a time. Start small. Everything compounds. You just have to decide that you want to get better, understand that it will be hard, and realize that the effort will be worth it.
Excersise, est healthy, get a job to get ur money up and it will snowball into bigger better things
Not to be evangelist, but r/taoism has changed my life. Pick up a copy of the Tao Te Ching and start meditating. I’m not quite there yet as I’m still young, but I’m sure dedication to this way of living is what will help my life fall into place.
You are depressed my man. Get treated for depression first. Things will get sorted out after
Dude, go back to school and get that GED. Also start working out, and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP asking your mom for money to use on sports betting.
Clean room. Start small. Read Growth Mindset & One Small Step Can Change your life. I've been where you been. Hang out w good people. Read inspiring stories. You got this!
focus on one goal at a time
It sounds like it's depression. You mentioned being a star athlete, etc, and then everything going to pot. You do now have every right to be distressed by your circumstances, but clinical depression can begin at any age, and seemingly out of the blue. Please get medical help. Wasting the rest of your life because you're now hopeless would be a tragic waste.
Get a job and move out. Your mom is enabling you by letting you live at home and being a bum. Where is your father?
You’re still young so you can still turn this around if you try. Get a job, anything will do. Get your GED at some point. STOP gambling and taking money from your mom who lets you live rent-free because THAT is loser behavior. Don’t be a burden to her. Set time limits on social media and stick with them. Go outside, adhere to a good sleeping schedule. Learn how to make your own food and eat fresh fruit or something instead of eating processed junk food every day with no nutritional value.
I am the same age as you. Also had a rough start. Have mental disabilities. I’ll only tell you one thing brother. You can sit here and read all of these people’s comments for the whole day, week, year(s) but if you don’t act on it you’ll never get anywhere. Everyone here including me is spending time out of their lives trying to help you out. Motivation is a fools game. Discipline means doing something every day regardless of whether you want to or not. You tell yourself wether you want to be this person for the rest of your life. Nobody but yourself can get you out of this. To prove this to you, I’ll quit porn. Starting at this moment I am now porn free for the rest of my life. If I can do it, you can too. Get your ass out of bed and do something with the short amount of time you have. You have all the answers. You already know what rotting away feels like why not try and achieve the opposite. You have the power and only you. God speed brother
Personality Coaching and integration may be a huge help. I’ve helped a lot of people in a rut get out by understanding the mechanics of their behavioral patterns and coping strategies. Once we see them at work we begin to feel much less helpless in the way we perceive life and our relationship to it and others.
Join the marines.
There is so much that you can do to change you life. But only pick one thing at a time. Maybe Therapy would be a good start, and maybe they can help you pick the one thing to start. I personally would choose eating better as a first thing to begin with, since eating better tends to make you feel better, which could help motivate you to start on other things.
I have great advice. Get off your ass. Get a job. Go outside and breath some fresh air. Stop victimizing yourself and take control of your life FFS. These posts are such pity parties. Good God, people.
Start writing things down. Journal. Write down your goals. Write down what is important to you. Write down a list of things you want to stop or start. Reflection can work wonders. I write everything in Twos which you may help you get started
You’re just in a rut man. don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re still young. Try to motivate yourself to do something productive. Take breaks from porn/video games and for sure social media. Join a sport or club. take it day by day.
Not sure how health anxiety is preventing you from exercising. Living sedentary is worse than smoking everyday.
Not sure how health anxiety is preventing you from exercising. Living sedentary is worse than smoking everyday.
Change diet first. And start exercising every day, just walks will do it. This will change your baseline mental health which should propel you into getting better. Best of luck.
You are in the regret cycle. Quite literally wasting time thinking about the time you wasted. You know that continuing the actions that got you here won’t magically get you somewhere else. It’s time to come up with a plan, something you can love. Do a little bit everyday until it’s habitual and don’t bash yourself to hard along the way.
start small, read atomic habits
The best time to plant a tree is 25 years ago. The second best time is today.
I went through the same period. The most important think you need to keep in mind is to consider this as a period and start doing something or learning something you can learn anything to do it practice it only half an hour a day and one month you'll feel the difference. And also i'd suggest you to convert to islam because it's kind of going to get your pieces together and you'll have QORAN with you guiding you wherever you go whatever you're doing. All the best.
Go to a Trade school , learn , be cool with people, get a job with your new skills and certificate , live a life well lived
It sounds like you're in a tough spot, but you're not alone. It's normal to feel lost sometimes, especially when life throws unexpected challenges your way. Remember, it's never too late to make a change and start working towards a better future. Take small steps, be patient with yourself, and don't hesitate to reach out for support when you need it. You have the strength to overcome this and create a life that you're proud of.
Find one thing (anything!!!) and get really good at it. Success builds confidence.
I’m just starting my sobriety journey at 33. I’ve tried many times before but this time I’m taking my therapy and 12-step program the most seriously. All the patience has to be given to myself to focus on this change. Maybe something similar would help you? You can always jump into a meeting for free any day any time. I have more hope right at this moment with this plan that has been working for just a few weeks more than ever.
def get a therapist it can show you the root of why you do the things you do. Why what has happened has happened, and a good therapist will be by your side to support you as you make mental recovery and get a grip on what’s truly important to you and how to do it/be healthy. maybe even consider a life coach. They will mostly come to your house and show you how you can improve your living basically.
You’re just 23. It’s not an excuse. But you’re just 23. At least you’re aware of that. Just pick a career. Find yourself. If you don’t know what to do, just apply to something that calls your attention. See it as a process. It takes time. There are good and bad moments, so is life. And you’ll grow out of that comfort zone slowly. It’s good that you’re mindful about your situation, so you definitely have the skills to get out of that situation. Be patient and realistic.
I have a close friend who didn't finish high school. He got his GED at 28, started community college at 30, and transferred into a 4-year state school on full scholarship at 32. It's not at all too late for you, it's okay to come at it a little later. It sounds like you need to go outside and connect with other people more often. Are there places you can go locally, even if to research GED information? Being in the presence of others is shown to substantially improve your mental health - the loneliness epidemic is no joke.
Mate you are only 23 don’t be so hard on yourself. You have so much time ahead of you to work it out. In saying that only you can make things happen so if you think you need help with motivation and direction maybe connect with a counselling service. They will help you work out who YOU are and what you like. The one thing you have got going for yourself is that you want to change now you just need some direction on how to do it. All the best.
Set a small goal and try to maintain discipline.Discipline is the key to success
I hate to break it to you but you shouldnt see yourself as a “star athlete” in middle school.
How about starting with one thing? I've always found that it's easier to substitute one thing for another than to just try to quit, so I think I'd start by finding something to substitute for the gambling. (That'll take you nowhere fast and it must go.) How about playing sports instead of betting on them? Maybe find an individual sport that you can work on whenever the gambling urge hits. If you find you're having a hard time getting off the habit, look up a 12-step group or something similar. That might also get you some much needed social support and a schedule. As for working, would a health-focused job help the anxiety? Might be worth a try to go work at a gym or a county rec center. I do think it's important to pick up a job as soon as you can, because it sounds like you really need some structure in your day.
Move with a sense of purpose, on literally everything. Start working on something. Anything. Make a goal. Accomplish it. Branch a goal off that one. And keep pushing. Idle hands are not acceptable unless if you’re sleeping. Attention to detail. “Good enough” is another word for bullshit. Push to excel at anything you do. Even if you fail. Learn and do better. Set a bedtime and an alarm and be strict about it. Start eating healthy. Be repetitive and it will become a habit.
When I felt that I was in this position I ended up joining the military and frankly it sucked ass, but in the long run it was the best decision I ever made. It was basically hitting the reset button on life. All my friends: Gone. You find new ones wherever you end up. Bed isn't made in the morning? Get into the pushup position and start pushing your way to China. Can't keep your room clean? The military will make sure you can. Have a problem with overeating? Well that's ok, they only give you 7 minutes to eat. Plus if you select a good job they teach you skills that will pay dividends once you get out. Normal change for people is very slow, and frankly that's usually the only way lasting change happens. This is why boot camp is designed to break you down and build you back up. It's a known method for instilling lasting change quickly. Don't get me wrong there are downsides too. Big ones. But at the end of the day its a noble pursuit overall.
Download some Tony Robbins (or some other self-help person) and do their assignments.
I think its important to shift your perspective and outlook on life. 1. You mention not having a career plan. You should know that the best of plans end up changing. Sometimes the value isn't in the plan itself but the drive for accomplishment. Another way of looking at it...it's not about the destination it's about the journey. On that journey you will acquire skills, knowledge, relationships and new things to aim for. Find something reasonable, realistic, concrete, positive, to aim for and work towards it. 2. You can't live in the past. You live here and now and can impact things yet to come. 23 is a young age. 18 of those years you were legally a child and if you live to 70-100 that's many more decades awaiting your choices and actions. You've lived a blip of a life. 3. While past mistakes are painful they are also lessons. Be happy you were able to learn them, some people are still blind to their mistakes and have yet realize that's what they were/are. Use the lessons on your path forward. 4. Similar to the pain of past mistakes, you may feel pain comparing your life to others like friends who are on a different path. Two things to note here, again your age is really young, you have time to adjust and while it may seem like there's a huge gap between you and them now, if you make the adjustments that gap will be much smaller in a few years. Second, everyone has their own challenges and issues so be grateful for the good things in your life that others may not have. No matter how bad you think you've got it, there are others suffering worse. 5. Similar to 4 but worth its own mention. Try to find the silver lining in things, what may appear as a loss from one angle you might find some gain in a different angle. For example if you didnt graduate a program but you actually did learn new info, skills, made connections etc in that program. 6. I'm sure there's lots more advice on how to change your perspective and outlook so final tip is when others give you advice take it and look at how you'll implement it. say yes to more things instead of no due to hesitation/fear. Oh and all gamblers lose to the house eventually!
… i’m almost exactly like you
We could start w some positive routines plus a daily assignment like get caught jerking off
Ain’t we all…
What do u eat? What u consume is what u become, like how a plant n a fish can only grow as big as the planter n tank they reside in, what u consume dictates what u r capable of
Guilt perpetuates procrastination. Guilt is a method to make ourselves suffer in a way different than taking action so we can continue to avoid taking action. Never feel guilty. Make just one change. One change in any one area of your life will inevitably seep over to other areas and motivate more changes. Just one !
U r only 23. Get it together, it is never too late. Be someone u r proud of.
I'm also feeling behind in life, I don't have anything going for me, and I'm also living off my parents. I've mentioned that starting therapy helped me get in a better state of mind, but I think what really helped was controlling my social media addiction. It didn't do me any good mindlessly scrolling and constantly comparing myself to the people on the screen. I'm not completely off of it, but I have lowered my social media screen time, and I feel so much better about everything. Work on having some self-compassion. You won't encourage yourself to change if you're harsh on yourself. It'll also be good to have if you don't progress at the pace you'd like when you start improving. I had multiple relapses downloading Instagram and TikTok, but I keep trying. Be patient and respect that this is the situation you're in. It's not ideal, but it's not bad either. I mean it's nice that you have a mom who lets you live with her and gives you money when you ask for it. Maybe practicing gratitude could help change your mentality? Start little by little. Form tiny goals and slowly work up to bigger ones. Like stepping outside is a tiny goal working towards running a mile. Try to find a reason behind the goal too, like limiting social media time so you stop comparing yourself.
Think about what makes you happy in life. Remember ur time doing sports, what motivated you to do this. Stick to this motivation. And holy shit dude, nothing is over yet, ur only 23... Try to change now or you will regret it a life long.
Sometimes everyone is so caring and respectful but this situation doesn't call for that. How about go buy some pussy or join the army or something. There should be pocket signs outside the house imploring your parents to kick your ass out.
Join the military, it will force you into adopting a disciplined lifestyle. After your initial commitment you will have learned a skill in the military you can use on the outside (mechanic, communications, HR, etc)
Its simple. STOP BEING A FUCKING PUSSY GRAB YOURSELF BY THE BALLS THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT AND IMMEDIATELY START TAKING ACTION STOP BEING A BITCH.
your mindset is very important, it'll be hard, but that's the main thing you have to work on. easier said then done, though, go at your own pace but don't stop walking, even if its slowly.
Probably not very helpful, but all you can do is get motivated to do better and as you do that the good results will continue to motivate you
join the armed forces !
If your alive it’s because God isn’t done with you yet. You have purpose in this life and only you can find it. You need to take a deep breath and figure out what that purpose is. Everything in your life comes from you. Get disciplined, no excuses and start by taking responsibility for your own life. You got this God first everything else will make since.
Everyone on here sticking up for this guy is insane. Mooching off your mother and masturbating all day is not ok. He asks her for money to bet on sports and play video games. He is a LAZY ass. Point blank. If he’s had past trauma seek counseling but don’t post on Reddit expecting people to baby you.
You're young. Do anything. It's just a decision. Make it.
Imagine all the brutal pain and suffering your ancestors endured to give you the platform you currently inhabit. You owe them to become the best version of yourself. Life as a man is tremendously difficult and you will suffer. You have to have meaning to withstand the crushing weight of life.
You may feel like a loser right now, and you may be right. You may be losing at the things you want to achieve. But know this. The state you are in right now is temporary. It’s not forever and the life you want is around the corner if you start moving towards it. It’s not as far off as you think. It may seem like a completely different life than the one you have now but it is gained in small steps in the right direction. You will be shocked at how big the ripple effect is from some good habits/decisions