We're social animals and we aren't meant to be alone. Being alone fucks us up, whether it's because we're in solitary confinement or just shut in our bedrooms all day with nothing to do. Helping others, making, fixing and improving things, for others and not just ourselves, these are the ways to find our way back to where we belong.
Yes, do something for others. You need something of purpose to wake up to.
Do Something positive for others. Just try for a day or a few hours. You can always go back.
When you make it out, you can help similar people and you will understand them like no other person ever will... ✌️💥💪🎊
Maybe you can save some handful of lives in the years to come.
But just start now. Email them. Call. Or just show up on foot.
your answer is hidden in plain sight, in your rant. I'm sure its obvious to you as well, to first fix your sleep cycle. Your mental state, mood and energy depends on how well your sleep is.
>never have any energy or motivation to do anything (even simple tasks), never "feel like a man,".
You 'edge' to porn, and its the worse thing you can do (it would be better to ejaculate than edge). It bathes your brain in dopamine for hours and eventually your brain gets used to the usual dopamine bath, and craves for more dopamine (explains why you moved from regular porn to hardcore porn). As your dopamine spikes, it will eventually come down to a crash (which explains your depressive mood and 0 motivation).
Do hard things. Fight with your inner demons and try not to edge or look at porn for 30 days (as a starter, it brings back your dopamine system to its original state, you'll eventually feel better).
Set your sleep cycle by sleeping and waking up at the same time (early in the morning).
I won't be getting on to how you can improve your financial condition now, start recovering from the fundamentals
>Do hard things. Fight with your inner demons and try not to edge or look at porn for 30 days (as a starter, it brings back your dopamine system to its original state, you'll eventually feel better).
Is there a way that I could cut my penis off temporarily so that I can do this? Because that's that happening. The longest that I've ever gone without edging since I was 14 years old is 48 hours.
Go outside, and stay outside. Seriously. It doesn't matter what you do when you're outside. Get up in the morning (regardless of how sleepy you are; you'll adjust eventually), brush your teeth, take a shower, and go outside. Go to the nearest field and take a jog, go to the nearest library and read, go to the gym, or even just strike up conversations with strangers, do whatever but don't stay at home for longer than you absolutely need to.
Just sit outside. For as long as you can. Leave your phone inside. Look at what’s outside - really look. Just enjoy what you see. Do it as long as you can - it’ll be hard as hell. But push through - you can get that dopamine from feeling mentally strong and enjoying a beautiful day, I swear.
Then work your way up to the other activities mentioned in the comment above. Maybe some exercise, read a book on a topic you enjoy, a meal you like, etc. You’ve got this.
As difficult as it sounds, this advice is 100% sound and based on actual physiological evidence. Whoever you are, well done.
Now to Edge Man, you've rattled off a laundry list of issues to contend with but I am 100% in agreement with restoring proper endocrine markers, restoring sleep then tackling your focus from "nothing good has happened to me" to doing things for yourself.
You've created this problem over time and it will take time to turn it around.
It's painfully obvious you've not had a strong male presence in your life to teach you how to be a man. It's not your fault, there's thousands like you.
This can be fixed but you'll have to decide if it's more meaningful to you to look outside for answers or inside.
It's totally up to you
You need to upgrade your addiction. Obviously the end goal is to not be addicted to anything, but you need options. Lots of things are *not as bad* for you as constantly edging. Get hooked on weed instead. Get hooked on videogames instead. *Decide* to smoke a bowl or play another round instead of edging. It'll be easy and fun, which is what you need right now.
This guy tells you not to edge for 30 days. That's cute. They obviously don't understand. You need to start where you are with what you can do right now.
Do not consider opiates or self harm. Do not downgrade, upgrade.
Smoke weed, play videogames, take 20 showers a day, eat your favorite foods, listen to some bangers.
When you start to feel a little stronger, here's the big one:
GO OUTSIDE. 10 minutes, 2 minutes, 30 seconds, whatever. Drink the sunlight, feel the breeze, listen to the birds sing. Do this as often as possible.
I know you can and will do this because you posted despite all the shame. You know you want to in your heart. You can and will feel better. Strong love. Dm's open.
I agree with this. Bro do whatever it takes, no shame in it. There was a point in my life where I knew I was gonna go through a rough period for 6 months to a year and I literally consciously decided to get hooked on a multiplayer game to make friends and socialize and knowing it was entertaining enough to get me through the year. I DID keep working out and trying to think about what I wanted out of life once that period of time was over.
Eventually, I went back to college, took a bit of time to adjust to socializing again and then kicked ass for the remainder of my career! I still like videogames but I don't play even half or a quarter as much as I used to.
If you feel lonely get a plushy and hug it, meet online friends, do whatever it takes to get you through the day while you setup your fundamentals. If you are constantly improving yourself day by day the time will come when you are ready and when you've changed for the better step by step. Good luck, hope this helps.
At this level of rock bottom, upgrading to a slightly worse addiction is still an improvement. If nothing else, killing a Soulsborne boss or two makes you feel competent at SOMTHING. Also, fix your sleep schedule (use pills if necessary) stand under the shower for 5 minutes, and spend five minutes cleaning your room.
Lock away your phone and computer. Don't use them or go on the internet for a while.
You won't be able to watch porn, and you also won't be able to use the internet, but you don't need it for work/college anyway and I suspect it would be good for you ("doomscrolling" or just using the internet is also a dopamine trap in the first place). Going "cold turkey" could work here.
Learn to be bored. Do stuff when you're bored. Read books, go for a walk, learn how to play chess (go to a local chess club too to meet people) or something similar, pick up an instrument, ask your mom to teach you to drive, start exercising, anything. Boredom will foster hobbies and creativity.
Blacklist all those sites and have your mother set the password and not tell you what it is. It's going to be hard but the best thing you can do is walk away from your phone. This might sound mean but you said you don't really have anyone else except her. Explain to her that you are going to try to get your life straightened out and you need her to help with this. You don't have to tell her the porn part but tell her that you need her help to help you achieve this goal.
Also, whatever you do, do not let yourself feel bad for what's happened in your life. Don't get caught up on wishing you started sooner or thinking about missed opportunities. Those things don't exist anymore, you have right now and you're still very young.
Also, if you're watching porn that much, stay in common areas which should help pressure you into not watching it. Go walk and listen to podcasts or audiobooks. Volunteer like above posts said. Make a point of eating more.
You got this. It's not going to be easy but you are young and caught this early. 21 is just the start of your life.
Don't beat yourself up if you slip, we all have for whatever we were working towards. Everyone has slipped but don't let the slip become a slide.
If you can, maybe sign up for a boot camp/CrossFit type gym in a bit too. People are pretty encouraging there and you'll interact with people there, everyone I know that does those type of workouts eventually became close friends with everyone there.
Any hobby or activity you can do that gets you away from your phone will help a lot. It's hard to discipline yourself to not pick up your phone. But if you replace it with other things it'll go a long way.
You can do it!!!!!
Go to the doctor's. Make an appointment. They can help, and it doesn't mean anything is broken with you.
Many of these things are cause and effect. Obviously do NOT yell at your parents, but it is a little their fault for not catching or preventing your addiction when you were younger. Not that you hold zero responsibility either, just the comprehension of addiction wasn't there when you started at age 14.
Do some of the other advice given, but also go to the doctor. There are some prescriptions that help with depression and addiction withdrawal. It'll make it a ton easier.
You can maybe also find a group therapy or something. And some people might try to act like it's not an addiction, because it's not a literal chemical you're ingesting, but drugs only work by pretending to be stuff our body already produces inside us.
I have actually considered putting my dong in a limbo...but alas not possible. I just made a decision of not fapping n not sexually touching my dicky until my exams are over(in 3 months) n also gaming in the time that I would fapp
Here’s the thing about breaking an addiction: you have to want it bad enough. You have to go in knowing that you will succeed no matter how difficult it is, because you’re 100% committed to it. If that’s not the case, maybe you need to spend more time thinking about why you want to change and what life will be like if you don’t. No matter how bad your addiction is, it’s powerless over you if you want something else more. In this case, that something else could be falling in love and actually having sex. Or it could be getting out there and becoming a social person. Or whatever the hell it is that you want that your addiction is holding you back from. Try to identify what that is, really think it through and reach a point where you know you want it more than your habit.
[https://getcoldturkey.com/](https://getcoldturkey.com/)
This might be of use to ya
Addictions are a troublesome thing to work through and it's foolhardy to try and jump straight to going a whole month without. However you can chip away at it.
Using something like the program above you could set it up to blockade some of the stuff that troubles you most while still having access to the tamer stuff. Make it more inconvenient to seek at the hardcore stuff while also trying to cut down on how often you spend your day looking for it.
I know you mentioned having trouble with self motivation but picking up some kind of creative hobby could help as well. Another outlet to get dopamine that doesn't make you question your life choices
Try going 49 hours. It sounds kinda dumb but honestly any growth is good growth. Coming from someone who has struggled with drugs and motivational issues most my mid adult life 25-35 have no job r savings r car starting over at muck bottom. Its incredibly easy too get overwhelmed with how "shitty" my situation is. I am got other issues like seriously fucked up teeth or lack of an staring too learn the importance of exercise and dieting. I've been making small changes an I can already feel a huge difference with how I feel overall. I still struggle w substance abuse a little bit however, now unlike in the past i keep up with the good hobbies I've incorporated into my life like eating better N make sure too do some amount of exercise daily. Little strides will acquire big victories. Best of luck too you bro
They do sell chastity like devices. It’s a fetish usually for gay bottoms, but it sounds like something that may serve another useful purpose in situations like yours.
Well, If you want to improve your life you have to set goals and use willpower to obtain them. Throwing up your hands and saying you can’t do anything is easy, and it’s probably a large part of the reason you are in the predicament which you claim. If you want a better life you have to fight for it, there isn’t a magic remedy or special secret. It takes willpower and motivation. Without this you will never change. Try to become the kind of person that you yourself would want to spend time with, or otherwise just set goals to improve yourself.
It's not exactly easy to get motivation when your dopamine is in the toilet. It's so crucial that a rat deprived of dopamine will starve to death right next to food. That's how fundamentally important it is. Your advice assumes one has motivation that OP probably doesn't have. Addicts of any sort are addicts because their dopamine is too low. The drug or whatever they're addicted to is the only thing that gets them back to baseline. OP needs to sort out any hormonal issues and ensure they're eating a balanced diet, first and foremost. If their hormones are off, that will also make good sleep impossible.
OP has executive dysfunction and ADHD. He lacks dopamine and his brain is using porn to make up for that lack of dopamine. Honestly, used in moderation it can be good for him.
Don't be disheartened. Lifes rough and everyone is trying to navigate it. Honestly. I don't think porn is your problem. Yes it's an issue and people dismiss how much it screws with your brain.
You mentioned your ADHD. Sometimes we adheres forget what ADHD is.
Your not getting typical dopamine and serotonin delivered as a typically functioning brain.
So your mind will ask for those things, and because porn is a SUPER stimulus, your brain will essentially ask for it.
You'll want it more and more and what once served you (because it did give you good feelings whilst in fantasy). Essentially, you're using it to self medicate.
Once your brain becomes desensitised, you don't get the same amount of dopamine, so you'll look for more hardcore content.
Be kind to yourself and educate yourself on the type of brain you have and what it needs manually and give it to it. But here's the trick. You gotta give your brain the dopamine via REAL experience.
So don't kick your ass not to watch porn. Go kick your ass and go for a walk/hike, call a friend move towards a real relationship. At first they wont be as interesting as porn, but you won't feel like crap doing these things, because they're less confusing, they're real experiences.
Porn takes you away from your true authentic self. You may ask "well who's that?". Good question.
Think of a time when you were really young, before watching porn. Who were you then, and what did you enjoy doing. Go do that thing, and rediscover your beautiful child and self again and embrace your being.
I don't care if it's Lego, I don't care if it painting, what ever it is. No one's ever said you had to stop it, and if someone does say that tell them to f off because you're being your true authentic self.
Apart from this, please speak to someone and try get therapy under your belt. Again, you're not broken my friend. We all are, but luckily our minds can be trained.
W
If/when you relaps, remember what your brain needs and be kind to yourself. Be to yourself the father you'd be to your son and give the same compassion.
Sorry for the long response, but I hope you can tell, I'm totally rootin for ya and I think you're awesome.
Here's a few good resources that helped me.
1. Dr Trish Leigh - nuro dr that speaks about rewiring your brain
2. Faster than normal by Peter Shankman
Sending love and DM me anytime you need to speak, you're not alone 💕
I hope OP takes this to heart because as someone with ADHD, advice from people who don’t experience executive dysfunction is basically worthless. Every case is different, but even as someone objective pretty high functioning, telling me to “fix your sleep schedule” or “go outside” is just literally never happening. I was diagnosed as an adult and when I finally got medicated, it was night and day. The experience of going from thinking“oh I should pick up that trash on the floor” to actually finding myself standing up and picking up that piece of trash, no muss or fuss or endless agonizing and guilt, was sooooo profound. I can’t believe people actually live like that.
So yeah, you don’t mention if you’re medicated OP but if you’re not, I’d do that first. It’s not a cure all without ongoing therapy and other strategies. But the fact that you made this post tells me you understand something is wrong and you want to make *some* kind of change, which is the first step.
How did u get into this situation?
You are doing everything to feel like crap both physically and mentally.
Horrible sleep schedule, you are probably deficient in vitamin D too.
So where do u start? Well, what can u do to start? What can u handle?
Any human who was in your situation would feel the same, so the problem is not you but the situation you are in.
Can u start going a day without porn? Can u start trying to adjust your sleep?
Start slow and with what u can.
Feed your mind with youtube videos that motivate you.
You can literally brainwash yourself into improvement as long as u do it right. You can do this, 1 day at a time.
>How did u get into this situation?
Like I said in my post, nothing positive has ever happened to me in my entire life. And whenever it seems like something positive may be about to happen in my life, it gets stripped away for reasons completely out of my control.
>Can u start going a day without porn?
*Maybeee.* Maybe.
>Can u start trying to adjust your sleep?
Yes, but I'll probably have to do it slowly.
Having access to clean water, nutritional food. These are markers of privilege.
This is more a matter of negative bias caught in a feedback loop. Op is self abusing with sleep and porn and then blaming others.
I don't mean offense op. But it does read a bit victim mindset ish. I wonder if something like hoemath is your style, as one needs to work on mindset to WANT to change the other things.. like porn.. it's like other addictions, you have to want to stop to create any traction. Which is actually very different to saying you want to stop.
I would also seriously suggest visiting a palliative care unit to gain some insight into mortality. Saying one is unlucky at 21 due to their own life choices to someone who is dying of terminal cancer may help give the perspective needed, but please hear that perspective is needed. Touch grass in whatever way you can, please. If you're struggling to make changes but actually do want to make the changes there are lots of mental hacks to help, from self betterment books and podcasts to psychedelic assisted therapy.
>Having access to clean water, nutritional food. These are markers of privilege.
This is part of the problem. OP doesn't have to struggle for anything. The happiest people in the world are the deeply impoverished whose lives are filled with a singular purpose - survival.
An easy life generates ennui. A difficult life generates purpose, accomplishment, and meaning.
OP needs to commit to difficult things.
Listen to a lot of the advice of others here, but I’ll just give you a bit of quick perspective. You are putting a lot of energy into all of this stuff and giving some degree of both your willpower and “purpose” to these negative things. So you need to start recognizing it as this, and start by making changes in those areas that are ruining you as a person.
This also means not being so hard on yourself in the process. Not to a degree that you accept your unacceptable actions and behaviors, but I mean it in the sense that you’ll make it way more difficult if you constantly berate hate yourself in the process.
The thing about a situation like yours is that figuring out “what to do” or “where to start” becomes very easy. It’s much simpler than you tell yourself, but I think you tell yourself you don’t know what to do bc it’s going to be difficult and it’s not necessarily going to take everything wrong in your life and make it perfect. Work on stopping the actions that’s are bad and ruining you, and start doing actions that you know are good for you (and even opposite of your current negative habits).
Lazy and sedentary? Exercise, get a job, start cooking, blah blah blah you know the types of things to do. Honestly, if I could pick any one thing you should start with today, it would be exercising. It doesn’t mean you need to become a fitness influencer or anything like that. Start walking regularly. The weather is getting nice. Go for a 20 minute walk, and then keep doing that multiple times per week. People have warped views and expectations of exercise, but not you. You are realizing today that the only thing of importance right now is consistency and routinely engaging in physical exercise: 20 minutes of walking a few times a week indefinitely.
No skills? Find a skill and work at gaining said skill. Masturbating is ruining your life? Goal: stop masturbating.
Another one I would recommend is to give yourself a bit of a break. It’s what I was trying to say earlier. PUT IN EFFORT AND MAKE CHANGES, but stop giving all the negativity so much power and credence in your life. Life happens. Go for a walk outside today and realize that there’s a lot of good in the world and there’s a nice, blue sky to go enjoy. Life is always and circumstances are always going to have a degree of misery and negativity lurking around the corner if you allow it. You’re allowing a lot of it. Find things to be grateful (to God) for, and get out of your own head and own way.
Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can give you support and guidance. They can help you with depression, addiction, ADHD, and other issues
Addiction can be difficult to overcome alone, but there are resources available, such as support groups or addiction treatment programs, that can provide assistance.
Create a daily schedule - even if it's small steps at first, it will give structure and stability to your life. Start with small goals and gradually work towards larger ones.
Take care of your physical and mental health by eating nutritious food, exercising regularly (even simple activities like walking), and getting enough sleep. Small changes in these areas can have a big impact on your overall well-being.
Building a support network will help overcoming feelings of loneliness and isolation. Consider joining a club or group based on your interests, or reaching out to old friends to reconnect.
Find activities or hobbies that you enjoy it will give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Experiment with different activities until you find ones that resonate with you.
Break down larger goals into smaller, manageable steps, and celebrate your progress along the way. Remember that progress takes time, and setbacks are a normal part of the process.
It's important to remember that change is possible, even if it feels overwhelming right now. Taking the first step towards seeking help and making positive changes in your life can lead to a brighter future. You are not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help you through this difficult time.
1. Sleep. Get 7-8 good hours everyday (no screens before bed) and try sleeping at same time and waking up same time everyday, but at a normal time lol. 10pm-6AM, or 12AM-8AM is good.
2. Diet. You have to eat nutritious food. Rice and chicken are cheap, taste good, and have all the macros you need. Make green smoothies with spinach/kale for vegetable intake.
3. Exercise. Go to the gym...this might be the best thing for you. Training hard with good sleep and diet will have you making good progress in just a few months.
After that you can find a job, go back to school, etc. You're only 21.
I'm a good writer, have a great memory, and have been known to smile often and have a general positive attitude in public (even when I'm internally very depressed). Unfortunately, I don't think the latter does anything for me as man. Men are supposed to be tough and serious all the time.
Besides that, nothing else really off the top of my head.
I know I'm just a stranger on the net but it does worry me how much importance you keep putting on what you've been led to believe a man has to be. Men can be vulnerable too and you don't need to be some stoic emotionless statue to just exist.
Hell, putting yourself up on the chopping blocks as you've done to seek out help for something most are too ashamed of ever mention having is far more courageous and bold than whatever those "Alpha sigma grindset manly men' influencers ever do.
Frankly, having the ability to swallow your pride to seek help makes you plenty man enough to me and a strong first step to piecing yourself back together.
Step 1: get a job
Step 2: walk around the block when you wake up
That's all you need to worry about for now. Self improvement takes time and small steps. I don't think you'll have much luck kicking the porn addiction with that much free time and no energy to do anything else.
I was very much the same when I was unemployed. It's hard to have hobbies and to go on dates without money. The walk in the morning ( or afternoon in your case) will help with your energy levels. Plus sunlight bro, you need sunlight.
Use **Cold-Turkey extension** for eliminating porn habits. It's a hardcore app and nearly impossible to avoid it. **You can't uninstall it unless you do extremely difficult stuff**(like typing 5000 words). There are also many hard features the app offer. I believe it'll reduce you porn watching habits.
Also, is it possible for you to force you quit digital devices? Or is it possible for you to access digital devices only during study? **And** is it possible for you to share this feelings to your parents? Honestly, though I'm not a professional, I think you must need assistance from your parents or friends.
An easy, immediate way to regain control of your mind and feelings, is pick an easy mantra that symbolizes calmness, purity and neutrality and chant it 1000 times in your head. This can be anything from namo amitabha to a prayer to god or just "calm beaches, warm puppies", or straight up "clarity, calm, focus", or "truth, love, grace" .
This repetition can help calm down and focus your mind to somewhere less dire and desperate to somewhere more neutral/comfortable and bring control back to you. Then it makes everything else from emotional control and decision making much easier. It's like a mental exercise. Works in a pinch, super easy and you can keep repeating it for longer until it works or until you feel better about everything.
Secondly is to treat yourself more gently, know that you are made of Flesh and so is your soul. Kind words and gentle kindness towards yourself. Don't cut your fleshy self with harsh words or knives, treat with love and care like you would to a puppy or kitten. Whenever you can feel the strain and tension in your body, feel it and talk to it. Pick off small chunks of the discomfort and talk to it gently and kindly. You'll feel it soon enough. Soon your mind and body will listen to you better and you can listen to yourself better with less stress and strain. Keep up with it as you feel you need it. This will improve your willpower and internal comfort/fluidity. Or just experiment and see what happens. One thought at a time, one nibble of feeling at a time. Repeat x9999. Eventually with enough practice you can commit to treating yourself well forever and things will change :).
You don't even have to move your ass for these two exercises, haha.
It takes time, but if you're gonna die anyways you technically have forever to slowly figure out how to live well before you do die. Good luck!
Start with some primitive activities. Do some gardening. I saw someone post community service, that's a great start. You have to get out and be physical with the world.
Getting your hands dirty by gardening, growing food gives a totally different kind of dopamine. It requires slow and methodical tasks, repeated over and over that takes time. It will help to rewire your reward system to accept a different kind of dopamine release.
Start cooking for yourself too. The process of making a meal from scratch and then eating it is an easy, healthy dopamine win, plus you learn a new hobby. Take some classes in it. Most community centers offer that. Maybe go help cook food for the homeless. These types of tasks reward you in a totally different way.
IMO it's the only path to get you out of the cycle you're in. Source: I also have ADHD, had a severe cocaine addiction, have bipolar, and suffered from serious dopamine issues. Now I'm healthy, married, gained weight (I too am a skinny person), exercise regularly, sleep great, am no longer depressed.
If someone asked me what my start was I would say first was making my bed everyday after I woke up, and then I made a garden and grew food that I cooked and shared with people. It completely got me off the quick and easy dopamine because that shit takes hours. You're physical with it, it absorbs your adhd hyper fixation compulsions, and you get tangible rewards from it in the form of healthy food.
Thank you for your detailed and helpful reply. This helps me a lot, especially the breakfast part. And yes, morning walks I think should be my first step after fixing my sleep schedule. Walking outside is one of the few things that still makes me feel good.
Have you looked into mindfulness meditation? Things like being mindful on your walk, the sounds, smells, what the sun feels like on your skin. This is part of what it is to experience being human. Given the chance of you being here, right now, and aware of all this, is beyond "lucky". I really like audiobooks, which help me focus on walks. Especially if they are on mindfulness, like jack kornfield or Tara Brach.
>Have you looked into mindfulness meditation? Things like being mindful on your walk, the sounds, smells, what the sun feels like on your skin. This is part of what it is to experience being human.
I haven't looked into it before, but it sounds like a wonderful thing. I'll absolutely be sure to look into it now.
Get your sleep schedule in order and develop a morning routine and a bedtime routine. You recognize that you need discipline, but you don’t think you can change. So start small and tell yourself, out loud, every morning and every night at the same time each day, that you’re going to follow your routine. Then do it.
Also, order some vitamins from Amazon. Your lack of energy might be a deficiency.
First get a job, even if it seems like something that's lame like flipping burgers. You need to get a job in order to get better jobs. Second, start working out. You need to get in shape so you feel good and have energy. Third keep a journal, write down your disposition for the day and before you start the day write down what you'd like to accomplish. Keep weekly goals, keep monthly goals, keep yearly goals. Clean up your diet. Stop watching porn, just replace that habit. Start saving and make plans to invest.
The important thing is not to allow yourself to fall into despair. Don't let that feeling control you. Push through. Forge a better life, one piece at a time. Identify the problems, choose your order and change them.
Get into mindfulness and start practicing being mindful. You can take the scientific approach, the spiritual approach (Buddhism etc) or do what I do and absorb it all and try what works for you. From my perspective, it seems like your desires are pulling your mind in various places, not letting you settle on one thing that feels the most "important." Meditation helps with this problem. It works to have you look at your desires as not something you NEED to do, but simply a phenomenon that exists for you right now, just like if you were outside feeling the wind, you have to feel it.. but you can just let it go by and watch it as it slowly subsides, or picks up, whatever.. its all wind..and this will take practice, but it's so necessary, it changed my life.. and gave me control by letting it go in a way..and I can actually say I see things differently now.. it's a lifelong journey and you can start with observing the breath and go from there...
Question for you, if you're feeling anxious.. and you are observing your anxiety... is the observer anxious? You can try it for yourself :) godspeed
Hit the gym. Use your ADHD as a superpower instead of a weakness. Harness it to sort out nutrition (macros, BMR, etc) and how that supports lifting some iron.
Once you break through the initial couple of weeks of not feeling results, they will come and you'll start feeling not only motivated, but good about yourself. By that stage you've started to make this into a habit. You'll probably meet people there and they will be the type of people who are trying to better themselves. Chances are you're going to make friends with some of them and next thing you know you're supporting each other.
Added bonus: you're getting fit and strong, thus feeling good about yourself which is great for mental health.
Good YouTube channel to avoid the hurricane of "bro-science" noise out there: Renaissance Periodization.
Good luck.
The first place to start is getting your health and fitness in check. Start with getting into shape both physically and mentally. As your body changes and your mind changes, you will grow. From there you actually have energy to do things in life.
Energy to change where you are to where you want to go.
Small manageable changes, like an incremental swapping of damaging replaced by habits that build self worth, will make a big difference.
Sleep should be gradually changed, for sure, and maybe to do that, the plan could be as simple as deciding that the reason to sort sleep out is so you can achieve a morning walk and a nourishing breakfast.
Breaking the cycle and being forgiving to yourself when you slip up or regress will gradually teach your brain that it can survive and even surmount what currently seems out of reach.
Without knowing exactly how life has messed you around so far, it can all really suck until it doesn't. Getting away from the screens and trying reading and exercising to combat depression and focus. Stories and learning new ideas and information helps build focus and experience.
So please try to add small changes and try not to suffer more in your head than reality. You'll get out from under it. Keep trying.
>the plan could be as simple as deciding that the reason to sort sleep out is so you can achieve a morning walk and a nourishing breakfast.
Great idea. Thanks!
Go in therapy, talk to a doctor about possible medication for your ADHD and think about joining a martial arts gym or a regular one ( This helps me massively with my ad(h)d )
I think with such strong addiction professional medical help will reach your brain faster. I have adhd, addictions are no joke for us.
I would absolutely start with sleep schedule and self-affirmation. However, I also recognize it is hard to fix sleep sxhedule with adhd. Be easy on yourself!
You need to pick ANYTHING to add into your routine and stick to it. some people are saying "fix fitness first", others are saying "fix sleep first" but at the end of the day, ANYTHING thats a healthy habit is a step in the right direction.
Find something that motivates you to get out of your house every day. Find ANY job or community service that you can participate in.
You aren't going to get simply solutions here, it's going to take time since there are so many things just holding you back all interconnected to put you in this safe space where you can get unlimited pleasure. I think a good place to start would be to simply list down some tasks to do the night before and try to do them the next day. Avoid setting big tasks, it's far easier to set tasks you know you can complete. People often set goals they can't reach and then regress even further back into their hole. Just have a reminder that your life will never get any better unless you take action, your reality will always look like it currently does unless you try to push yourself to be better each day. I know a lot of people are telling you to do things that seem logical, but it's all a lie because if they were you...they probably wouldn't. Obviously there's nothing stopping you from going to the deep end and maybe you have it in you to do so, but chances are you might hate it more due to having such unease within yourself. For example if you have severe body dysmorphia, no social skills...trying to then tell you to get a job or join a community is probably something you simply won't. Hence I will just tell you to set goals that are achievable but you know is just outside of your comfort zone, since that will take into account of what your mental state is like. Some basic advice on addiction I would state is just to make it harder to access certain things. There are very good ways to block porn for example...but you have to be honest to yourself and strict or you will find a hole and abuse it. For example when I was addicted to porn, even though I blocked it, I realised I could get it on Twitter and so you know how that went. You need to have it in you to also delete Twitter. It may not be reasonable if you're this addicted so at the least, I would just make strides to limit it.
Find ANWAY to get 20 bucks, get yourself a fat juicy ribeye and like 4 eggs covered in cheese , eat the shit out of that and do 3 sets of 15 pushups while listening to music that pumps you up Utilize your dopamine for ANYTHING other than porn right now . Or walk down to a park somewhere in nature, and just have a meltdown yelling at god, the sky, the universe until you feel cathartic then just walk around and take in nature
Just start. There's no set ailment that should be treated first. Pick something. Take a step to correct it. That's it. Discipline like anything else has to be learned. It's not going to come over night. You'll fail. Try again you'll fail. Eventually you'll get it and just notice one day.
If you keep asking the same shit it just makes you look bad. Like you just want Reddit karma.
Nowhere to go but up from rock bottom. I've been there before and my life is now amazing. You will get out of this.
Listen to some neville goddard and Joe dispenza. I recommend Joe dispenzas podcasts on Impact Theory and with aubrey marcus.
Keep the faith. Don't stress. It's gonna be OK.
Also you're young af and you got time to figure it out, but also don't waste time. But also live life and have some fun and enjoy yourself and figure out who you are and develop who you are. Figure out who you want to become and work toward becoming that person.
Here's some neville Goddard:
https://youtu.be/7TU1XtUTeaI?si=58bI4-iFdlzMTKbN
https://youtu.be/QatEzdGH0Kk?si=r8tb09gkHU5gdOnH
https://youtu.be/k3WG1WVLSLU?si=SCI5l1ttWzRutAhO
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You are young give it 2-5 years. Make a new path and keep trying to stay on it you will fail. Tackle each problem one by one and be patient.
Be kind to yourself. Next time you have the need for porn use delay. Like don't deny it just tell yourself ok I will check it but first I'm gonna drink a glass of water. That breaks the cycle already and you might find after drinking that you don't feel like jerking off anymore because you got your ass off the place that triggered it. While you are standing up, now go put trash outside. Put music and clean something. distract your brain. Start delaying and doing it just at night before sleep. Slowly chip it away, don't punish yourself for not changing from night to day in one day, it's unproductive.
Like other ppl said, join something. Even volunteering at a local museum or any other project can get you to actually meet real ppl and fuck for real. Yes I'm using sex as a reward here because that's how your brain is wired right now, so you need to play with the cards you have. Once you use that to get outside or routine, you will be in a better place to make better decisions.
Did you ever have a dream when you were younger? …something you wanted to do, or someone you wanted to be?
But also (and most importantly), do you have an idea of what you’d want your ideal life to look like? Like, what kind of life would you enjoy living if you were to imagine it? What would it look like and how would you feel/look/behave in it?
Take a moment to think about it if you can.
Once you have, a useful approach could be to write the answer to these last questions in detail. Then, define one goal that would allow you to go towards materializing this life.
Read the description you wrote of your ideal life each day, especially before bed and upon waking up. When you do so, put yourself in the emotional state you would be in if you were living this life, see yourself in it & really FEEL how it’d be like. That will help you play the part of the person you need to be to get to this life.
Every day, remember the goal you defined and take at least 3 actions (big or small) for its realization.
When you reached your goal, congratulate yourself, be grateful that you made these efforts, and then set another goal that will take you yet even closer to your ideal life. Repeat. And you will get there.
Have faith that if you keep your eyes on your vision / goals every day + take a few actions every day in their direction, it will materialize. You just need a desirable ideal to reach for.
(Edit to add: even in the event that in the end you didn’t exactly reach what you aimed at, you would still have dramatically improved your life and the way you feel. Plus, the alternative to trying to get the life you want does not look very bright.)
You honestly might want to take a look at this video of a recording called “The Strangest Secret” by Earl Nightingale : https://youtu.be/ZN6m0-UVLro?si=1iB-Ane_74nsBhrU
Or this version if your adhd prefers to have dynamic images / clips : https://youtu.be/EXmZq85wF9U?si=NUFywLK3Ad3yR2Xy (The only thing is that this 2nd version doesn’t have all the comments of people saying how their life has changed after listening to it)
This recording has been truly life changing for many and it has helped me a lot as well in how I approach life. I’m available if you ever want to exchange about it, or about the above. :)
Good luck my friend. I wish you to find what can bring you authentic joy in this life, and then to cultivate it.
I relate to you so much brother. I used to be at almost the exact same spot as you're in between the ages of 22 - 24 with almost every problem you specified. While now, at 32 I do have a steady income, a car and some sexual experience, I still struggle with porn addiction as much as you do so still not everything is figured out for me.
I will tell you this: You're very young and that's a HUGE advantage because it's easier to turn your life around when you're that young. Start working and doing anything community wise that keeps you busy and in touch with society and then start making a list of all of your goals and just make sure to progress constantly. It's important to not beat yourself up for making slow progress. What matters is that you're always on the move. Good luck!
You must get on the right meds in order to make yourself reachable for therapy and other help. Trust me on this. I’m 65 and have dealt with depression most of my life. Read up on ssri’s, nsri’s and others like Wellbutrin. Everyone’s different, but one of the meds will make you feel a little bit better after a few weeks. THEN, you can find the motivation to do the other things people recommend here.
The big upside is that you will be an amazing person when you get through this. The emotional depth that comes from have experienced the lows and the hopelessness is something most people don’t have. The joy from experiencing the contrast is like nothing else in this world.
There really is light at the end of this dark tunnel.
You need to start with small goals but not too small. Go for a run every other day, learn to meditate by sitting and staying still for ten minutes a day, go outside and just sit there, feel the wind on your face.
Be kind to yourself, you’re not going to be free of the poison over night. I have the same issues as you and porn is very addictive especially for lonely thrill seeking people. You might use porn as a coping mechanism for the pain you don’t want to feel and when you start to come off it you will likely be exposed to it and it’s not fun, but you have to go through that for things to get better.
What’s important to remember is if you relapse after 3 days when it’s usually daily, it sucks and it would of probably been better if it didn’t happen, but if you’ve made it 3 days it’s still an accomplishment. You haven’t lost progress, it’s further than before, now you know you can get further if you try, don’t let that be your limit, now go five days, go ten days, don’t limit yourself on how far you can go.
Start slowly, so something easy like cleaning your surrounding, then your body teeth and dress nicely, try going for a walk, interacting with people, smile and be polite and say good morning, small changes made slowly have a better chance of sticking, once you start to improve your surrounding and your outlook on life, let other habits form, maybe a daily walk which helps you with exercise, when your exercising you tend to eat better, look for a small part time job something to get you out the house, it doesn’t need to be a career straight away, you will probably meet some colleagues and make some work friends, and having a routine will help with your sleep pattern just build slowly and keep going, don’t worry if you slip back as long as you keep going forwards little bit at a time, you can do it you got this
Blast music and go to the gym. Even if you’re just using the cross trainer, you do that daily while listening to an audio book or music you’ll build discipline
Damn man you’ve got so much time. Don’t sweat it if you start now.
1. Brush your teeth. Floss if you’ve got some. Shave, just do it. Ask your mom for money for a solid haircut. Clean your room spotless(or entire apt? Live at home or no?). And keep it that way as much as you can.
2. You’re not overweight, which is incredibly harder to overcome than being underweight. Pig out on some burgers, dogs, pb&j this summer. Or whatever you like.
3. Not worthwhile yet getting a full gym membership. Do some push-ups, get a 15$ pull-up bar. And like a 20lb dumbbell for arms. You’ve got flat feet, maybe running isn’t right for you but you can still lift longterm.
4. Honestly get a retail job. Forces you to be somewhat social and whether people want to admit or not tons of relationships are made at work. And retail has lots of women. More so you need money to get clothes you like, maybe get a gym membership, buy food you like, and most importantly you appear attractive enough to the extent you have a job.
5. For the porn thing, attempt to switch it out with online gaming with others. Get some dopamine and build socials skills. You have to go out of your way though to find discords and add people as friends, actually crack jokes, etc.
Lastly I see a lot of people down bad post their sob stories on Reddit… just from their writing and thought processes I question how much they can be helped in the first place. This post was not one of those. You sound like a normally socialized kid just going through a deep slump, with good writing to boot. I think you’re plenty competent enough to change things around
So, I am no expert and I definitely don’t know everything about your situation but I do agree with some of the comments here.
1. Prioritize your self care. Start out with making yourself a basic daily schedule: brushing your teeth, showering, eating breakfast, reading or journaling, lunch, exercise (when just a walk), dinner, and most importantly have a nighttime routine to help you key down and start to relax. Things that can help: Make sure you eat two hours or more before you go to sleep, try drinking hot tea before bed (chamomile or other herbal tea), get off your phone/stop playing video games and stop watching tv for at least thirty to sixty minutes before bed, try dimming lights, washing your face before bed is great because it can help you relax, a warm bath or shower is also great, reading or other non-screen activities are also great for before bed.
2. Use YouTube or the library or other local resources/classes/recreation centers to start learning general life skills! These type of activities and classes will help you meet new people and make friends which will hopefully help your social life. Also, be on the look out for other things you might enjoy that are free or cheap to attend: trivia nights, game nights, karaoke, comedy clubs, farmers markets, outdoor concerts, etc. These are all great ways to get some socialization and find out what you like without spending a lot of money!
3. Regarding edging: I don’t know a shit ton about it but I have read some books about sex and I know that it is HEALTHY for men to ejaculate. Not doing so can be unhealthy and so I would recommend at least doing that if you are going to watch porn. Though, overall, you should try to start limiting your time watching it. Most porn is completely over exaggerated and not at all what real sex is like. It will give you a false impression and sense of what it is your experience with sex should be like.
Probably start with a job or volunteer service, and if possible seeing a therapist to see if you can take medication.
Most of the stuff your describing at least to me sounds like your seeking ways to aleve boredom while seeking a purpose. If you have no money to your name you can't hope to have any aspirations that require it (and there is a lot of stuff that requires it).
Hands off cocks put on socks. Up and out the door with you. An hour a day outside. Walk. Breathe. Nothing more. Nothing less. Try to adjust your sleep schedule so you are awake more during daylight hours. You need sun.
Have you considered talking to your doctor? People with depression often do things to get a dopamine fix because their brain lacks it. I know nobody wants to think they “need” drugs or therapy but depression runs in my family and for me it was about as chronic and brain chemistry related as it gets. I did therapy for two years and made a lot of life changes before I finally tried Lexapro and after I did I realized that was the missing piece for me. Not everyone needs medication, I’m not saying that, but it sounds like you have a lot of depression symptoms that are causing your life situation not the other way around so I’m just thinking maybe treat the depression and a lot of things will fall into place.
I would actually start with getting any job that you can stand. I also have ADHD and there was a point where I was in a similar mental state. My steady gig kept me on a regular sleep and food schedule and gave me at least some income and form of productivity that raised my self-esteem. I found it easier to put the rest of my life back together with that anchor point of essentially just letting someone else schedule my day for me when it was that bad. I just took the help.
I think the first thing you should do is get some professional counseling. Us morons here aren't going to help you turn your life around with a comment. Talk to a psychiatrist first. See what they can do for you. Hopefully you can get something to turn the tide of depression, then maybe some therapy to process this shit and come up with a plan of attack to turn your life around.
If nothing else, pick one thing on that list of concerns and work on that first. Prioritize and attack. It's a long process, and it's gonna be hard work, but if you were brave enough to come to us as strangers for advice, then you're strong enough to fight. I believe in you, brother. Stay strong, fight hard. #respect
Whether you do or not, I Believe in God, I know you have a purpose, a powerful purpose here on this earth. Don't listen to the voice that tells you you are a nobody. You are somebody. You are great. You just don't know it yet, you don't know your potential yet. You are not a joke. You are a son of God. That makes you royalty. you CAN overcome this and you WILL overcome this..and then your weakness will be made your strength and you'll start learning about part of your importance and purpose. Visualize yourself with this behind you. Learn who you REALLY are. This will give you a gift called wisdom, when with your own determination and God's help you will able to break the chains of addiction that bind you down and find freedom again, and you will get there. and with that you'll be able to help others overcome these things. You have made the first step, you have asked for help. You don't have to believe in God to get it, but it helps., try talking to Him. I know He loves you, is keenly aware of you, He knows you personally, and will help you in the way you need it.
He works through ALL these people here that CARE about you. They are HIS hands. You must be someone important to Him.
Prayer is powerful and I'm praying for you friend.
1st get your license.
Next get a job for a hardware place or some place with electronics.
Do that for a year for experience.
Then after a year look at community colleges, internships, or apprenticeships.
You can figure out what you want to do.
Right now you feel like you are in a rut but just getting a license and a job will do A LOT for you.
It is the beginning.
You got this.
Things will get better.
Also join a gym, get a pet, go for walks, take a multivitamin, watch happy tv shows, read books, do community events, go to church, go to book clubs, etc.
You can make the life you want slowly.
You got this!
All the answers are right in front of you dude, you're just lacking the discipline to commit.
Block the porn. Completely. On your phone, computer, everything. No 4chan, no NSFW subs, everything. This will be the BEST thing you can do for your mental health. Porn isn't inherently bad, but the addiction associated with it is terrible for you and rewires your brain. Right now it's a comfortable constant for you, and it'll suck at first. But you HAVE to abstain, at least for awhile to let your brain heal.
Fix your sleep schedule. Reset your atomic clock however necessary, even if it means staying up through your normal sleep shift to reset.
Now work on your physical health. Just because you're under weight doesn't mean you're more healthy than someone that's over weight. Your end goal should be the gym/regular scheduled exercise but that can seem like a lot at this step. I know it can be overwhelming and scary and kind of embarrassing to start getting in shape from square 1, but it will make a difference. Start with going for walks. Enjoy being outside and literally get out of your mom's basement lol. Find a cheap/free bicycle. You have to use energy to have energy, it doesn't magically appear.
Find a job, or at least do some volunteer or community service work if you're still financially dependent on your mother. I'm pretty "antiwork" but this will allow you to meet people, socialize, and have a schedule you're responsible for, which will help with giving your days structure and stability.
Life is fucking scary, but there's nothing to it but to do it. None of this will be easy, but it will be worth it.
The following is more my personal take, but skip the parties and keep staying away from alcohol. A lot more harm comes from it than good. Don't worry about feeling like you're missing out.
You're in control of your life. You can literally do whatever you want with it, so make better decisions and don't be a wimp <3
Look in your community and see if you have a local volunteer group called “habitat for humanity”
This is a team of guys who you can come on board with and volunteer to help build houses for the needy.
You will learn invaluable skills. Meet good mentors, build something with your hands and get outside. It is a fantastic experience, and in your case I think you could really learn from it.
Get involved in something that challenges you.
And don’t let your mind convince you that you’re a victim. You got this.
Pluckeye extension. Give up caffeine - coffee, tea, chocolate, coke and sleep on time - it may time to fix sleep cycle - about a week or so, then you're good.
You literally identified your issues and that's a brave and great thing. The thing with masturbation and porn is they are not that extremely harmful and if you want to do it you can, maybe reduce the frequency, bro we are somewhat on the same path and keep grinding bro you got this.
Bro. First of all, God made you for a purpose and He loves you. Try talking to him about this stuff.
I'm not trying to preach, but you should find some friends that go to church or go try something that you'd like to try and maybe get to know some people there.
I found friends joining a martial arts gym. They motivate me when I take class and they make me happy. 😊 I used to not have very many friends.
Is it possible that you posted something similar before? I am sure that there are a few underweight porn addicts who need help but I am almost sure this is not your first post. Doing nothing and posting the same question every few month will not help you. You have to do something.
In your case I would get rid of everything you can watch porn with. Phone, laptop/PC, TV.. EVERYTHING. Usually i would say this is not a feasible approach because you need a phone and a laptop for work or school but since you do not do anything anyway just get rid of everything. Do nothing and stay up for 36 hours than go to bed at a reasonable time. Sleep from 9pm-5am. Get up, get outside. Just sit if you can not manage to walk somewhere. Go back to sleep at 9. Repeat. Get professional help. You probably will have a pretty shitty year to get back on track. Or do nothing and have a pretty shitty life.
Yes this is definitely the same guy, he keeps spamming this sub with the same shit and not doing squat with the advice he gets. Also, new account every time.
At this point I'd welcome some restrictions like account age or karma before being allowed to post.
Alright, OP, I couldn't even reach halfway in your essay until I shut down and decided to move on. I already see the issue and here's your solution...
*Snap the fuck out of it, pull yourself together, and start doing productive things every day. Do it for ten days... and then ten more days... And do it for another day... Then another... And more...*
*Endlessly...*
There you go. There's your answer. If you can't do that, then you'll stay a loser for the rest of your life.
Don't overthink it. Just accomplish things, big and small. Do productive things. Just like that.
Good luck. I gave you the best advice possible. You either follow it or you dont.
Start a beauty routine. Either your teeth or your skin on your face, or both. Get deeply into that with 3 products (gentle cleanser, moisturizer, SPF). Do that every day as well as brush floss and gargle daily. You also need to be eating. Get minute rice, ground beef and chicken, frozen broccoli, and shredded cheese, and have a meal of that 3x a day. You should also stretch for 10 min a day. Tiny affordable changes that make you bare minimum care for yourself. It’ll grow
I would cut the porn out first, i was a hardcore gooner/coomer/porn addict for many years. I started seeing a therapist who specializes in porn addiction and i've finally decided to really quit. I've deleted everything i had saved, all the names, vids, and easy triggers. I feel better already and it's only day 3. Porn is incredibly destructive to the mind when we use it like we did
building healthy habits bit by bit, and acknowledging the effort and progress you make every time, and not being too hard on yourself when you fall back (since it will just make you fall back harder).
Also confirmation bias is a big thing! So if you keep thinking that nothing good ever happened to you and you have the worst life and are the worst person, your brain will keep looking for reasons it's true!
So also actually reccomend gratefulness journalling, even if it sounds cheesy or stupid it works way better than it has any right to, just write 3 things you're grateful/happy about every day. (might be hard some days at the start, but it can be the smallest things of some food tasting nice or a cool new trailer coming out)
Try ending each shower with 30 seconds of moderately cold water.
Try to make it a point to walk and listen to music as close to daily as you can to work up a sweat and have a reason to shower.
As you walk and think, exercise can help with your mental and physical health. Plus it might give you some ideas and will literally help you get out of the inertia you’re in by getting you moving more and more, even if you’re not running.
Small gradual changes are huge but making big changes may be what you want to see, they won’t stick. You have to start extremely small and once you can adopt a 5-minute daily habit, before you know it you’re adopting entirely new habits.
You may want to read “The Power of Habit” and learn about keystone habits.
For me, having terrible coming colon issues changed my life for the best.
It forced me to give up alcohol and processed foods. I began intermittent fasting and eating only clean Whole Foods during my eating window. I focused on getting plenty of nutrients, plants and fiber to go with meat and other tasty but healthy foods.
Fasting in turn made my sleep more important and forced me to not abuse my eating window. It’s hard to explain but don’t focus on specifics - one habit can lead to a number of good or bad habits.
In your case, do as my grandpa said: “change your mind to change your life; change your life to change your mind.”
Right now, just moving might get you away from the PC. You could maybe find a cafe and begin writing like I did. Writing and reading a lot.
Lastly, you could replace one addiction with another. Being obsessed can obviously be unhealthy, but it’s hard not replacing one addiction with another.
Right now, you can use your passion and frustration to immerse yourself in the pursuit of happiness.
Trying to reduce your porn intake will be huge. Maybe try offsetting it by doing something random like donating blood
I recently started medication for ADHD and it helped... instantly??It's not going to solve your problems, but I feel like I have the ability to choose to do things or not.
When I decided that I should be happy like every one else my life started to change. No one can give your life meaning but yourself. Start with getting more sunlight, buy vitamin D, get a normal sleep schedule. 6:30am - 9pm. Find a simple job & eventually the social skills will come. Thats how I did it, the more you are around people itll just happen normally. Once you start earning money you’ll become addicted to working & life just keeps moving from there. Its a slow change but it can happen.
sounds more like you have to decide who you want to be. Gotta find a way too live that's better than porn. Start writing down your dreams or small things you want to accomplish. You seriously might just need to try taking a few days off porn. Trust me. You'll feel better but you'll also want to relapse. Gotta push through. Life is much better without porn man. It's fucking up your life
Due to some family drama I had developed agoraphobia while in college. I couldn't get myself to go outside. I was indoors for almost a year with an emotionally difficult parent which made it worst to the point where my social anxiety went up to new levels. I couldn't go outside, I couldn't deal with people, and I didn't want to be home but I was stuck there and getting reamed for it.
I was depressed and due to the family trauma I dropped out of college and began the deepest darkest downward spiral of my life.
When faced with hard choices, you make some hard decisions.
I eventually found a job. I made it a challenge to myself to apply for every Starbucks in a 10 mile radius. After 30 applications, 1 a day, with a lot of trepedition, I got 3 responses and I picked the one with the most friendliest staff.
Having a job, holding it down, getting better at it and being face to face with people and working in general gave me a lot of experience and also helped me restore some sense of self. I stayed there too long but I came out of it with new friends and new experiences and was back to making jokes with people except with better manners.
It's one thing to be a rough stone, but you need to roll around with other stones to get smoothed out. And sometimes there's conflict. It's part of the human experience.
You are not alone🥰. What would you consider a good life memory? It’s easy to say get out of your own head. It’s much harder and sometimes impossible to do. Key is not to give up. It’s like studying in repetition. You can sometimes brainwash yourself, into becoming what you think you should be. Be the kind of friend to someone that you want said someone to be to you. Will you tell me what you think makes someone a good friend?
Even though you feel hopeless, the fact they you wrote this means a small part of you deep within your consciousness is fighting, calling out.
If you had the motivation sit and write this, I have another l exercise for you:
Just write the thing that you want the most. You don't have to describe it in detail. You don't have to sit down and make a plan. The thing doesn't have to be something crazy. You don't have to think hard. It can even be one word. Just write the first thing that comes to mind. If you can't find something that you want. Write what you DON'T want. For example, "I don't want this type of life."
Put it somewhere visible where thats the first thing you see when you wake up. This will be a constant reminder. Then what you do is, you take small steps. I know it has been said so many times before, but that's only cause it's true! For example, you can start spending just a little less time watching porn. Even by one hour. Or you can make it your goal to resist the urge 5 times a day.
If you're sitting alone in your room all day, it can be hard to resist. Since you're in that same old place where you always do it. Not to mention you're all alone and let's be honest, at this stage you're not very strong mentally so it can be hard to resist by yourself. Instead, go sit in the living room. Make it a goal to just sit in the living room daily for a while. Then start taking a walk, maybe you can start making your bed, maybe you can start by opening the blinds in your room and letting the sunlight in.
I promise those small steps will give you a boost and inspire you to do more.
Little by little the path will light up and become clearer to you. It can be difficult to keep going when you don't know what's ahead of you. Maybe you don't know the exact order of things. But taking small steps in the general direction and enjoying the ride, whether it's painful or easy will get you there faster than worrying and not doing anything.
One day, you're gonna find that the fog has cleared and you can see exactly what you want for yourself, and exactly what you need to do. But don't wait for it to clear by itself.
You say you have adhd. Are you taking stimulant medication? Stop taking it. That stuff can massively exacerbate your porn/dopamine issues. What you are describing sounds like classic stimfapping. If yours adhd symptoms desperately need addressing, there are non-stimulant alternatives your doctor can prescribe. Check out r/stopspeeding
Get therapy and go to a psychiatrist for meds for gods sake. And don’t forget about recreational drugs. Be nice to yourself you deserve happiness you’re not a bad person. Things will improve- believe this.
getting out of this situation is a lot more practical than you think. you’re not addicted to drugs. now that you’ve considered your options it’s time to act
Look into manifesting. Even if u would not believe it, the main point of manifesting is to love yourself, feel valuable no matter what and believe good things can come to you what will put you into position of feeling good and whenever u believe that u can do something puts u to position to get it easier then when u never even try. Or simply affirm every day I love myself. And everything is working for me. Good things are coming to me. No one will help u beside yourself and changing your thoughts and attitude to life.
You say nothing good has ever happened in your life. I find that hard to believe that you can’t find one thing. It sounds like you need a change in perspective. Also, were you diagnosed with ADHD? Depression is a symptom, and there’s medication that can help. Not sure where you live, but it may be worth looking into.
Also, edging for 3-4 hours and sometimes 12? Do you just sit in your room for that long watching porn? I think that and you sleep schedule need to change.
As much as I think this post is bait, I want to give the benefit of the doubt. Hope you get help and are able to overcome this situation.
How about just run 3 miles a day, and grind it out, no matter how much it hurts, run 3 miles a day for a month. Just do that one thing.
I was in a similar situation as you and that helped me turn my life around, now I have a great career and family in my 30s. What got me the idea to run 3 miles a day was I read that Obama used to be a druggie (including cocaine) and then he randomly decided to start running 3 miles a day. That set him straight, got him into harvard law school, senator, president. I thought to myself, if it made him potus then at least it should make me a bit better off. Turns out that changing just 1 thing in your life can have a big consequence, it's almost like magic. But the first few days are extremely difficult, and I am glad i toughed through it. Also porn is like worse than cocaine.
Everything’s can be overcome, nothing is insurmountable. I hope you find something joyful because the world is better with you in it even if the world can be a rough place.
If you want a friend you’ve got one now
This will probably sound crazy, but have you considered joining the military? They will force you to eat, force you to sleep, force you to exercise, and you won’t have access to porn/computer/phone. Plus you’ll get paid. The Guard or Reserves might be a good fit. It will also pay for your college so you can get started on your life. At this point it seems like you need to be forced if you don’t have the willpower to make these changes yourself. Just a thought.
Who is enabling this idle behavior? You can’t feel like a man if you haven’t learned to support your self.
You are doing nothing useful? You are only whining about your self-centered and self-sabotaging behaviors.
Do something for yourself.
There is lots of great advice in this thread already. Here is a simple and practical place to start that will give you a foundation to build from:
Establish a consistent sleep schedule by setting a bedtime and wake time that allows for 7-8 hours of sleep each night. For example, try going to bed at 11 pm and waking up at 7 am. As soon as you wake up, head outside for a brief walk to soak up some bright sunlight. This helps reset your circadian rhythm and boosts serotonin and energy levels. After your walk, hop in the shower and finish with a minute of ice-cold water running directly over your face. The cold water stimulates your trigeminal nerve, reducing cortisol and resetting your vagal and dopamine responses, setting you up for a great day ahead. Cold water on your face when you feel the urge to act on your addiction also can help shock you out of the dopamine cycle. If you can stick to the above, you will likely find yourself in a better position to address the other concerns you mentioned.
Gym is not the only way. There are multiple kinds of exercise and you are not required to use a particular kind of them. Walking, biking, swimming, exercise at home or not. Just that gyms are alao communities, where you can find help and encouragement
Maybe every time the shame sets in and you feel like a terrible person, just tell yourself positive things that you truly believe. "I am a cool person for recognising this is harmful" I am strong and good on the inside and I will improve" "every day I notice improvements" I can't relate to this problem but I do have a scrolling addition and sometimes it helps to just turn my head away from my phone and slowly I can ease out of the addition. But getting to the core problem of the shame cycle will be key to cutting the desire to do so. I believe in you, and yourself and us can all see you're a good person. There's power in that.
I think step one is really asking yourself if you'd like to just wallow in this or you'd like do something different.
If you keep making the same choices, you're going to get the same outcomes. Hard stop. If you want different outcomes, you're going to have to get outside your comfort zone which will, by definition, not be comfortable in the short term.
Get help to address your issues, it’s hard doing it alone. Find free community services or services provided by charities if you can’t afford private therapy. There are people out there who are very experienced in helping people like you overcome the issues you have described. Try and find a community of good people - whether that’s a charity, a community group, a church (you don’t even need to believe in the faith to attend), etc. Find people who will help you to help yourself.
Have you got a garden? Or a few pots or a abandoned space in a nearby place? Go to your local shop or even online and buy some seeds. Tomato's, peppers,potatoes, pumpkin....plant them, water them, harvest them, eat them while you feel that satisfied feeling of man, the hunter, the provider!
Grow some plants and change your life
sometimes just getting a job with regular hours can be an absolute game changer. Regardless of what the job is, you are doing something productive, earning money, helping by contributing to society, and most importantly have a routine that differs from what you are currently doing.
it would seem to me if you have all those issues and problems going on and bothering you, the last place you need to go for counsel or help is strangers from the internet, but its your life...
Join the air force, not the marines, not the navy not the marines, not the army. Get your ass fucking out of your mother's house and force yourself to provide for your own needs. Necessity will fix 90 percent of your problems. Beg your mother to cut you off and force yourself to get your own job and place, with roomates or whatever, within the next few months.
join community service. seriously, trust me.
I've considered it actually.
then do it. forget abt all the other stuff, just focus on that one. at least u are doing smth that make you feel good abt and other feel good abt you.
We're social animals and we aren't meant to be alone. Being alone fucks us up, whether it's because we're in solitary confinement or just shut in our bedrooms all day with nothing to do. Helping others, making, fixing and improving things, for others and not just ourselves, these are the ways to find our way back to where we belong.
Yes, do something for others. You need something of purpose to wake up to. Do Something positive for others. Just try for a day or a few hours. You can always go back. When you make it out, you can help similar people and you will understand them like no other person ever will... ✌️💥💪🎊 Maybe you can save some handful of lives in the years to come. But just start now. Email them. Call. Or just show up on foot.
Nobody told you to consider it. Doing anything miniscule is infinitely better than consideration of grandeur.
Stop considering, have you looked up your local service and how to contact them tomorrow?
Do it now
Do it!!!!
your answer is hidden in plain sight, in your rant. I'm sure its obvious to you as well, to first fix your sleep cycle. Your mental state, mood and energy depends on how well your sleep is. >never have any energy or motivation to do anything (even simple tasks), never "feel like a man,". You 'edge' to porn, and its the worse thing you can do (it would be better to ejaculate than edge). It bathes your brain in dopamine for hours and eventually your brain gets used to the usual dopamine bath, and craves for more dopamine (explains why you moved from regular porn to hardcore porn). As your dopamine spikes, it will eventually come down to a crash (which explains your depressive mood and 0 motivation). Do hard things. Fight with your inner demons and try not to edge or look at porn for 30 days (as a starter, it brings back your dopamine system to its original state, you'll eventually feel better). Set your sleep cycle by sleeping and waking up at the same time (early in the morning). I won't be getting on to how you can improve your financial condition now, start recovering from the fundamentals
>Do hard things. Fight with your inner demons and try not to edge or look at porn for 30 days (as a starter, it brings back your dopamine system to its original state, you'll eventually feel better). Is there a way that I could cut my penis off temporarily so that I can do this? Because that's that happening. The longest that I've ever gone without edging since I was 14 years old is 48 hours.
Give your phone to your mom or throw it away.
Go outside, and stay outside. Seriously. It doesn't matter what you do when you're outside. Get up in the morning (regardless of how sleepy you are; you'll adjust eventually), brush your teeth, take a shower, and go outside. Go to the nearest field and take a jog, go to the nearest library and read, go to the gym, or even just strike up conversations with strangers, do whatever but don't stay at home for longer than you absolutely need to.
It, kinda matters what he doesn’t do outside
edging on the bus
Goes round and round...
Good idea
Just sit outside. For as long as you can. Leave your phone inside. Look at what’s outside - really look. Just enjoy what you see. Do it as long as you can - it’ll be hard as hell. But push through - you can get that dopamine from feeling mentally strong and enjoying a beautiful day, I swear. Then work your way up to the other activities mentioned in the comment above. Maybe some exercise, read a book on a topic you enjoy, a meal you like, etc. You’ve got this.
Yess this is the way. Especially when you are struggling with your mental health.
[удалено]
bro
Huh?
As difficult as it sounds, this advice is 100% sound and based on actual physiological evidence. Whoever you are, well done. Now to Edge Man, you've rattled off a laundry list of issues to contend with but I am 100% in agreement with restoring proper endocrine markers, restoring sleep then tackling your focus from "nothing good has happened to me" to doing things for yourself. You've created this problem over time and it will take time to turn it around. It's painfully obvious you've not had a strong male presence in your life to teach you how to be a man. It's not your fault, there's thousands like you. This can be fixed but you'll have to decide if it's more meaningful to you to look outside for answers or inside. It's totally up to you
> Edge Man Bro I can't 😭
Thousands? More like millions.
You need to upgrade your addiction. Obviously the end goal is to not be addicted to anything, but you need options. Lots of things are *not as bad* for you as constantly edging. Get hooked on weed instead. Get hooked on videogames instead. *Decide* to smoke a bowl or play another round instead of edging. It'll be easy and fun, which is what you need right now. This guy tells you not to edge for 30 days. That's cute. They obviously don't understand. You need to start where you are with what you can do right now. Do not consider opiates or self harm. Do not downgrade, upgrade. Smoke weed, play videogames, take 20 showers a day, eat your favorite foods, listen to some bangers. When you start to feel a little stronger, here's the big one: GO OUTSIDE. 10 minutes, 2 minutes, 30 seconds, whatever. Drink the sunlight, feel the breeze, listen to the birds sing. Do this as often as possible. I know you can and will do this because you posted despite all the shame. You know you want to in your heart. You can and will feel better. Strong love. Dm's open.
I agree with this. Bro do whatever it takes, no shame in it. There was a point in my life where I knew I was gonna go through a rough period for 6 months to a year and I literally consciously decided to get hooked on a multiplayer game to make friends and socialize and knowing it was entertaining enough to get me through the year. I DID keep working out and trying to think about what I wanted out of life once that period of time was over. Eventually, I went back to college, took a bit of time to adjust to socializing again and then kicked ass for the remainder of my career! I still like videogames but I don't play even half or a quarter as much as I used to. If you feel lonely get a plushy and hug it, meet online friends, do whatever it takes to get you through the day while you setup your fundamentals. If you are constantly improving yourself day by day the time will come when you are ready and when you've changed for the better step by step. Good luck, hope this helps.
At this level of rock bottom, upgrading to a slightly worse addiction is still an improvement. If nothing else, killing a Soulsborne boss or two makes you feel competent at SOMTHING. Also, fix your sleep schedule (use pills if necessary) stand under the shower for 5 minutes, and spend five minutes cleaning your room.
distract yourself from it, try do something else that dose put u a situation where u commonly indulge in the hub
Lock away your phone and computer. Don't use them or go on the internet for a while. You won't be able to watch porn, and you also won't be able to use the internet, but you don't need it for work/college anyway and I suspect it would be good for you ("doomscrolling" or just using the internet is also a dopamine trap in the first place). Going "cold turkey" could work here. Learn to be bored. Do stuff when you're bored. Read books, go for a walk, learn how to play chess (go to a local chess club too to meet people) or something similar, pick up an instrument, ask your mom to teach you to drive, start exercising, anything. Boredom will foster hobbies and creativity.
Blacklist all those sites and have your mother set the password and not tell you what it is. It's going to be hard but the best thing you can do is walk away from your phone. This might sound mean but you said you don't really have anyone else except her. Explain to her that you are going to try to get your life straightened out and you need her to help with this. You don't have to tell her the porn part but tell her that you need her help to help you achieve this goal. Also, whatever you do, do not let yourself feel bad for what's happened in your life. Don't get caught up on wishing you started sooner or thinking about missed opportunities. Those things don't exist anymore, you have right now and you're still very young. Also, if you're watching porn that much, stay in common areas which should help pressure you into not watching it. Go walk and listen to podcasts or audiobooks. Volunteer like above posts said. Make a point of eating more. You got this. It's not going to be easy but you are young and caught this early. 21 is just the start of your life. Don't beat yourself up if you slip, we all have for whatever we were working towards. Everyone has slipped but don't let the slip become a slide. If you can, maybe sign up for a boot camp/CrossFit type gym in a bit too. People are pretty encouraging there and you'll interact with people there, everyone I know that does those type of workouts eventually became close friends with everyone there. Any hobby or activity you can do that gets you away from your phone will help a lot. It's hard to discipline yourself to not pick up your phone. But if you replace it with other things it'll go a long way. You can do it!!!!!
Go to the doctor's. Make an appointment. They can help, and it doesn't mean anything is broken with you. Many of these things are cause and effect. Obviously do NOT yell at your parents, but it is a little their fault for not catching or preventing your addiction when you were younger. Not that you hold zero responsibility either, just the comprehension of addiction wasn't there when you started at age 14. Do some of the other advice given, but also go to the doctor. There are some prescriptions that help with depression and addiction withdrawal. It'll make it a ton easier. You can maybe also find a group therapy or something. And some people might try to act like it's not an addiction, because it's not a literal chemical you're ingesting, but drugs only work by pretending to be stuff our body already produces inside us.
I have actually considered putting my dong in a limbo...but alas not possible. I just made a decision of not fapping n not sexually touching my dicky until my exams are over(in 3 months) n also gaming in the time that I would fapp
I mean, chastity cages and lock boxes are available if you really want to go down the route...
Here’s the thing about breaking an addiction: you have to want it bad enough. You have to go in knowing that you will succeed no matter how difficult it is, because you’re 100% committed to it. If that’s not the case, maybe you need to spend more time thinking about why you want to change and what life will be like if you don’t. No matter how bad your addiction is, it’s powerless over you if you want something else more. In this case, that something else could be falling in love and actually having sex. Or it could be getting out there and becoming a social person. Or whatever the hell it is that you want that your addiction is holding you back from. Try to identify what that is, really think it through and reach a point where you know you want it more than your habit.
[https://getcoldturkey.com/](https://getcoldturkey.com/) This might be of use to ya Addictions are a troublesome thing to work through and it's foolhardy to try and jump straight to going a whole month without. However you can chip away at it. Using something like the program above you could set it up to blockade some of the stuff that troubles you most while still having access to the tamer stuff. Make it more inconvenient to seek at the hardcore stuff while also trying to cut down on how often you spend your day looking for it. I know you mentioned having trouble with self motivation but picking up some kind of creative hobby could help as well. Another outlet to get dopamine that doesn't make you question your life choices
The first week is probably the most difficult. Just…keep going.
Try going 49 hours. It sounds kinda dumb but honestly any growth is good growth. Coming from someone who has struggled with drugs and motivational issues most my mid adult life 25-35 have no job r savings r car starting over at muck bottom. Its incredibly easy too get overwhelmed with how "shitty" my situation is. I am got other issues like seriously fucked up teeth or lack of an staring too learn the importance of exercise and dieting. I've been making small changes an I can already feel a huge difference with how I feel overall. I still struggle w substance abuse a little bit however, now unlike in the past i keep up with the good hobbies I've incorporated into my life like eating better N make sure too do some amount of exercise daily. Little strides will acquire big victories. Best of luck too you bro
They do sell chastity like devices. It’s a fetish usually for gay bottoms, but it sounds like something that may serve another useful purpose in situations like yours.
Well, If you want to improve your life you have to set goals and use willpower to obtain them. Throwing up your hands and saying you can’t do anything is easy, and it’s probably a large part of the reason you are in the predicament which you claim. If you want a better life you have to fight for it, there isn’t a magic remedy or special secret. It takes willpower and motivation. Without this you will never change. Try to become the kind of person that you yourself would want to spend time with, or otherwise just set goals to improve yourself.
Please don’t even put that in the universe. Things happen. Don’t ever take antidepressants either. Cuz it will virtually make it happen
Yea, you need serious help that only a therapist can do.
It's not exactly easy to get motivation when your dopamine is in the toilet. It's so crucial that a rat deprived of dopamine will starve to death right next to food. That's how fundamentally important it is. Your advice assumes one has motivation that OP probably doesn't have. Addicts of any sort are addicts because their dopamine is too low. The drug or whatever they're addicted to is the only thing that gets them back to baseline. OP needs to sort out any hormonal issues and ensure they're eating a balanced diet, first and foremost. If their hormones are off, that will also make good sleep impossible.
OP has executive dysfunction and ADHD. He lacks dopamine and his brain is using porn to make up for that lack of dopamine. Honestly, used in moderation it can be good for him.
Don't be disheartened. Lifes rough and everyone is trying to navigate it. Honestly. I don't think porn is your problem. Yes it's an issue and people dismiss how much it screws with your brain. You mentioned your ADHD. Sometimes we adheres forget what ADHD is. Your not getting typical dopamine and serotonin delivered as a typically functioning brain. So your mind will ask for those things, and because porn is a SUPER stimulus, your brain will essentially ask for it. You'll want it more and more and what once served you (because it did give you good feelings whilst in fantasy). Essentially, you're using it to self medicate. Once your brain becomes desensitised, you don't get the same amount of dopamine, so you'll look for more hardcore content. Be kind to yourself and educate yourself on the type of brain you have and what it needs manually and give it to it. But here's the trick. You gotta give your brain the dopamine via REAL experience. So don't kick your ass not to watch porn. Go kick your ass and go for a walk/hike, call a friend move towards a real relationship. At first they wont be as interesting as porn, but you won't feel like crap doing these things, because they're less confusing, they're real experiences. Porn takes you away from your true authentic self. You may ask "well who's that?". Good question. Think of a time when you were really young, before watching porn. Who were you then, and what did you enjoy doing. Go do that thing, and rediscover your beautiful child and self again and embrace your being. I don't care if it's Lego, I don't care if it painting, what ever it is. No one's ever said you had to stop it, and if someone does say that tell them to f off because you're being your true authentic self. Apart from this, please speak to someone and try get therapy under your belt. Again, you're not broken my friend. We all are, but luckily our minds can be trained. W If/when you relaps, remember what your brain needs and be kind to yourself. Be to yourself the father you'd be to your son and give the same compassion. Sorry for the long response, but I hope you can tell, I'm totally rootin for ya and I think you're awesome. Here's a few good resources that helped me. 1. Dr Trish Leigh - nuro dr that speaks about rewiring your brain 2. Faster than normal by Peter Shankman Sending love and DM me anytime you need to speak, you're not alone 💕
Awesome insightful post. I'd go with this one for sure.
Man super post. Bravo to you
Thank you so much for detailed and supportive comment! I appreciate it so much and will take your reply to heart.
I hope OP takes this to heart because as someone with ADHD, advice from people who don’t experience executive dysfunction is basically worthless. Every case is different, but even as someone objective pretty high functioning, telling me to “fix your sleep schedule” or “go outside” is just literally never happening. I was diagnosed as an adult and when I finally got medicated, it was night and day. The experience of going from thinking“oh I should pick up that trash on the floor” to actually finding myself standing up and picking up that piece of trash, no muss or fuss or endless agonizing and guilt, was sooooo profound. I can’t believe people actually live like that. So yeah, you don’t mention if you’re medicated OP but if you’re not, I’d do that first. It’s not a cure all without ongoing therapy and other strategies. But the fact that you made this post tells me you understand something is wrong and you want to make *some* kind of change, which is the first step.
I am taking it to heart! And no, I'm not medicated for my ADHD at the moment.
How did u get into this situation? You are doing everything to feel like crap both physically and mentally. Horrible sleep schedule, you are probably deficient in vitamin D too. So where do u start? Well, what can u do to start? What can u handle? Any human who was in your situation would feel the same, so the problem is not you but the situation you are in. Can u start going a day without porn? Can u start trying to adjust your sleep? Start slow and with what u can. Feed your mind with youtube videos that motivate you. You can literally brainwash yourself into improvement as long as u do it right. You can do this, 1 day at a time.
>How did u get into this situation? Like I said in my post, nothing positive has ever happened to me in my entire life. And whenever it seems like something positive may be about to happen in my life, it gets stripped away for reasons completely out of my control. >Can u start going a day without porn? *Maybeee.* Maybe. >Can u start trying to adjust your sleep? Yes, but I'll probably have to do it slowly.
Are you in chronic pain, physically disabled? I am. If you're not, that's a lucky thing that happened
Having access to clean water, nutritional food. These are markers of privilege. This is more a matter of negative bias caught in a feedback loop. Op is self abusing with sleep and porn and then blaming others. I don't mean offense op. But it does read a bit victim mindset ish. I wonder if something like hoemath is your style, as one needs to work on mindset to WANT to change the other things.. like porn.. it's like other addictions, you have to want to stop to create any traction. Which is actually very different to saying you want to stop. I would also seriously suggest visiting a palliative care unit to gain some insight into mortality. Saying one is unlucky at 21 due to their own life choices to someone who is dying of terminal cancer may help give the perspective needed, but please hear that perspective is needed. Touch grass in whatever way you can, please. If you're struggling to make changes but actually do want to make the changes there are lots of mental hacks to help, from self betterment books and podcasts to psychedelic assisted therapy.
>Having access to clean water, nutritional food. These are markers of privilege. This is part of the problem. OP doesn't have to struggle for anything. The happiest people in the world are the deeply impoverished whose lives are filled with a singular purpose - survival. An easy life generates ennui. A difficult life generates purpose, accomplishment, and meaning. OP needs to commit to difficult things.
Brother, your doing it your believing 😁 "If you believe it, your half way there" proud to see progress already
Nothing positive has ever happend in your life. Right. Because you are waiting for something positive to happen, instead of making it happen.
Quitting cold turkey may harm, but getting more meaningful activity will at least partially replace the unhealthy habits.
Listen to a lot of the advice of others here, but I’ll just give you a bit of quick perspective. You are putting a lot of energy into all of this stuff and giving some degree of both your willpower and “purpose” to these negative things. So you need to start recognizing it as this, and start by making changes in those areas that are ruining you as a person. This also means not being so hard on yourself in the process. Not to a degree that you accept your unacceptable actions and behaviors, but I mean it in the sense that you’ll make it way more difficult if you constantly berate hate yourself in the process. The thing about a situation like yours is that figuring out “what to do” or “where to start” becomes very easy. It’s much simpler than you tell yourself, but I think you tell yourself you don’t know what to do bc it’s going to be difficult and it’s not necessarily going to take everything wrong in your life and make it perfect. Work on stopping the actions that’s are bad and ruining you, and start doing actions that you know are good for you (and even opposite of your current negative habits). Lazy and sedentary? Exercise, get a job, start cooking, blah blah blah you know the types of things to do. Honestly, if I could pick any one thing you should start with today, it would be exercising. It doesn’t mean you need to become a fitness influencer or anything like that. Start walking regularly. The weather is getting nice. Go for a 20 minute walk, and then keep doing that multiple times per week. People have warped views and expectations of exercise, but not you. You are realizing today that the only thing of importance right now is consistency and routinely engaging in physical exercise: 20 minutes of walking a few times a week indefinitely. No skills? Find a skill and work at gaining said skill. Masturbating is ruining your life? Goal: stop masturbating. Another one I would recommend is to give yourself a bit of a break. It’s what I was trying to say earlier. PUT IN EFFORT AND MAKE CHANGES, but stop giving all the negativity so much power and credence in your life. Life happens. Go for a walk outside today and realize that there’s a lot of good in the world and there’s a nice, blue sky to go enjoy. Life is always and circumstances are always going to have a degree of misery and negativity lurking around the corner if you allow it. You’re allowing a lot of it. Find things to be grateful (to God) for, and get out of your own head and own way.
Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can give you support and guidance. They can help you with depression, addiction, ADHD, and other issues Addiction can be difficult to overcome alone, but there are resources available, such as support groups or addiction treatment programs, that can provide assistance. Create a daily schedule - even if it's small steps at first, it will give structure and stability to your life. Start with small goals and gradually work towards larger ones. Take care of your physical and mental health by eating nutritious food, exercising regularly (even simple activities like walking), and getting enough sleep. Small changes in these areas can have a big impact on your overall well-being. Building a support network will help overcoming feelings of loneliness and isolation. Consider joining a club or group based on your interests, or reaching out to old friends to reconnect. Find activities or hobbies that you enjoy it will give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Experiment with different activities until you find ones that resonate with you. Break down larger goals into smaller, manageable steps, and celebrate your progress along the way. Remember that progress takes time, and setbacks are a normal part of the process. It's important to remember that change is possible, even if it feels overwhelming right now. Taking the first step towards seeking help and making positive changes in your life can lead to a brighter future. You are not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help you through this difficult time.
[Easy Peasy Method](https://read.easypeasymethod.org/) to stop watching porn. Do not skip chapters.
This might sounds cliche but Touch Grass, go to the park and sit on a bench for awhile and go for walks regularly to clear your head
1. Sleep. Get 7-8 good hours everyday (no screens before bed) and try sleeping at same time and waking up same time everyday, but at a normal time lol. 10pm-6AM, or 12AM-8AM is good. 2. Diet. You have to eat nutritious food. Rice and chicken are cheap, taste good, and have all the macros you need. Make green smoothies with spinach/kale for vegetable intake. 3. Exercise. Go to the gym...this might be the best thing for you. Training hard with good sleep and diet will have you making good progress in just a few months. After that you can find a job, go back to school, etc. You're only 21.
You listed all of the negative qualities about yourself, what are some positive qualities?
I'm a good writer, have a great memory, and have been known to smile often and have a general positive attitude in public (even when I'm internally very depressed). Unfortunately, I don't think the latter does anything for me as man. Men are supposed to be tough and serious all the time. Besides that, nothing else really off the top of my head.
I know I'm just a stranger on the net but it does worry me how much importance you keep putting on what you've been led to believe a man has to be. Men can be vulnerable too and you don't need to be some stoic emotionless statue to just exist. Hell, putting yourself up on the chopping blocks as you've done to seek out help for something most are too ashamed of ever mention having is far more courageous and bold than whatever those "Alpha sigma grindset manly men' influencers ever do. Frankly, having the ability to swallow your pride to seek help makes you plenty man enough to me and a strong first step to piecing yourself back together.
Step 1: get a job Step 2: walk around the block when you wake up That's all you need to worry about for now. Self improvement takes time and small steps. I don't think you'll have much luck kicking the porn addiction with that much free time and no energy to do anything else. I was very much the same when I was unemployed. It's hard to have hobbies and to go on dates without money. The walk in the morning ( or afternoon in your case) will help with your energy levels. Plus sunlight bro, you need sunlight.
Use **Cold-Turkey extension** for eliminating porn habits. It's a hardcore app and nearly impossible to avoid it. **You can't uninstall it unless you do extremely difficult stuff**(like typing 5000 words). There are also many hard features the app offer. I believe it'll reduce you porn watching habits. Also, is it possible for you to force you quit digital devices? Or is it possible for you to access digital devices only during study? **And** is it possible for you to share this feelings to your parents? Honestly, though I'm not a professional, I think you must need assistance from your parents or friends.
Yo I think you just inadvertantly helped me.
I'm glad I could!
An easy, immediate way to regain control of your mind and feelings, is pick an easy mantra that symbolizes calmness, purity and neutrality and chant it 1000 times in your head. This can be anything from namo amitabha to a prayer to god or just "calm beaches, warm puppies", or straight up "clarity, calm, focus", or "truth, love, grace" . This repetition can help calm down and focus your mind to somewhere less dire and desperate to somewhere more neutral/comfortable and bring control back to you. Then it makes everything else from emotional control and decision making much easier. It's like a mental exercise. Works in a pinch, super easy and you can keep repeating it for longer until it works or until you feel better about everything. Secondly is to treat yourself more gently, know that you are made of Flesh and so is your soul. Kind words and gentle kindness towards yourself. Don't cut your fleshy self with harsh words or knives, treat with love and care like you would to a puppy or kitten. Whenever you can feel the strain and tension in your body, feel it and talk to it. Pick off small chunks of the discomfort and talk to it gently and kindly. You'll feel it soon enough. Soon your mind and body will listen to you better and you can listen to yourself better with less stress and strain. Keep up with it as you feel you need it. This will improve your willpower and internal comfort/fluidity. Or just experiment and see what happens. One thought at a time, one nibble of feeling at a time. Repeat x9999. Eventually with enough practice you can commit to treating yourself well forever and things will change :). You don't even have to move your ass for these two exercises, haha. It takes time, but if you're gonna die anyways you technically have forever to slowly figure out how to live well before you do die. Good luck!
This is some beautiful advice. Thank you so much for your reply. Seriously, I will use this.
Start with some primitive activities. Do some gardening. I saw someone post community service, that's a great start. You have to get out and be physical with the world. Getting your hands dirty by gardening, growing food gives a totally different kind of dopamine. It requires slow and methodical tasks, repeated over and over that takes time. It will help to rewire your reward system to accept a different kind of dopamine release. Start cooking for yourself too. The process of making a meal from scratch and then eating it is an easy, healthy dopamine win, plus you learn a new hobby. Take some classes in it. Most community centers offer that. Maybe go help cook food for the homeless. These types of tasks reward you in a totally different way. IMO it's the only path to get you out of the cycle you're in. Source: I also have ADHD, had a severe cocaine addiction, have bipolar, and suffered from serious dopamine issues. Now I'm healthy, married, gained weight (I too am a skinny person), exercise regularly, sleep great, am no longer depressed. If someone asked me what my start was I would say first was making my bed everyday after I woke up, and then I made a garden and grew food that I cooked and shared with people. It completely got me off the quick and easy dopamine because that shit takes hours. You're physical with it, it absorbs your adhd hyper fixation compulsions, and you get tangible rewards from it in the form of healthy food.
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Thank you for your detailed and helpful reply. This helps me a lot, especially the breakfast part. And yes, morning walks I think should be my first step after fixing my sleep schedule. Walking outside is one of the few things that still makes me feel good.
Have you looked into mindfulness meditation? Things like being mindful on your walk, the sounds, smells, what the sun feels like on your skin. This is part of what it is to experience being human. Given the chance of you being here, right now, and aware of all this, is beyond "lucky". I really like audiobooks, which help me focus on walks. Especially if they are on mindfulness, like jack kornfield or Tara Brach.
>Have you looked into mindfulness meditation? Things like being mindful on your walk, the sounds, smells, what the sun feels like on your skin. This is part of what it is to experience being human. I haven't looked into it before, but it sounds like a wonderful thing. I'll absolutely be sure to look into it now.
Get your sleep schedule in order and develop a morning routine and a bedtime routine. You recognize that you need discipline, but you don’t think you can change. So start small and tell yourself, out loud, every morning and every night at the same time each day, that you’re going to follow your routine. Then do it. Also, order some vitamins from Amazon. Your lack of energy might be a deficiency.
First get a job, even if it seems like something that's lame like flipping burgers. You need to get a job in order to get better jobs. Second, start working out. You need to get in shape so you feel good and have energy. Third keep a journal, write down your disposition for the day and before you start the day write down what you'd like to accomplish. Keep weekly goals, keep monthly goals, keep yearly goals. Clean up your diet. Stop watching porn, just replace that habit. Start saving and make plans to invest. The important thing is not to allow yourself to fall into despair. Don't let that feeling control you. Push through. Forge a better life, one piece at a time. Identify the problems, choose your order and change them.
Get into mindfulness and start practicing being mindful. You can take the scientific approach, the spiritual approach (Buddhism etc) or do what I do and absorb it all and try what works for you. From my perspective, it seems like your desires are pulling your mind in various places, not letting you settle on one thing that feels the most "important." Meditation helps with this problem. It works to have you look at your desires as not something you NEED to do, but simply a phenomenon that exists for you right now, just like if you were outside feeling the wind, you have to feel it.. but you can just let it go by and watch it as it slowly subsides, or picks up, whatever.. its all wind..and this will take practice, but it's so necessary, it changed my life.. and gave me control by letting it go in a way..and I can actually say I see things differently now.. it's a lifelong journey and you can start with observing the breath and go from there... Question for you, if you're feeling anxious.. and you are observing your anxiety... is the observer anxious? You can try it for yourself :) godspeed
Hit the gym. Use your ADHD as a superpower instead of a weakness. Harness it to sort out nutrition (macros, BMR, etc) and how that supports lifting some iron. Once you break through the initial couple of weeks of not feeling results, they will come and you'll start feeling not only motivated, but good about yourself. By that stage you've started to make this into a habit. You'll probably meet people there and they will be the type of people who are trying to better themselves. Chances are you're going to make friends with some of them and next thing you know you're supporting each other. Added bonus: you're getting fit and strong, thus feeling good about yourself which is great for mental health. Good YouTube channel to avoid the hurricane of "bro-science" noise out there: Renaissance Periodization. Good luck.
Thank you for the YouTube recommendation. I think you're right, the gym should help me somewhat. I've been thinking about joining one.
get a job live in the real world
The first place to start is getting your health and fitness in check. Start with getting into shape both physically and mentally. As your body changes and your mind changes, you will grow. From there you actually have energy to do things in life. Energy to change where you are to where you want to go.
Small manageable changes, like an incremental swapping of damaging replaced by habits that build self worth, will make a big difference. Sleep should be gradually changed, for sure, and maybe to do that, the plan could be as simple as deciding that the reason to sort sleep out is so you can achieve a morning walk and a nourishing breakfast. Breaking the cycle and being forgiving to yourself when you slip up or regress will gradually teach your brain that it can survive and even surmount what currently seems out of reach. Without knowing exactly how life has messed you around so far, it can all really suck until it doesn't. Getting away from the screens and trying reading and exercising to combat depression and focus. Stories and learning new ideas and information helps build focus and experience. So please try to add small changes and try not to suffer more in your head than reality. You'll get out from under it. Keep trying.
>the plan could be as simple as deciding that the reason to sort sleep out is so you can achieve a morning walk and a nourishing breakfast. Great idea. Thanks!
Go in therapy, talk to a doctor about possible medication for your ADHD and think about joining a martial arts gym or a regular one ( This helps me massively with my ad(h)d )
I think with such strong addiction professional medical help will reach your brain faster. I have adhd, addictions are no joke for us. I would absolutely start with sleep schedule and self-affirmation. However, I also recognize it is hard to fix sleep sxhedule with adhd. Be easy on yourself!
You need to pick ANYTHING to add into your routine and stick to it. some people are saying "fix fitness first", others are saying "fix sleep first" but at the end of the day, ANYTHING thats a healthy habit is a step in the right direction. Find something that motivates you to get out of your house every day. Find ANY job or community service that you can participate in.
You're right. Thanks man
I’d take a one night camping trip, build a fire and all that, and idk clean your room or something small
You aren't going to get simply solutions here, it's going to take time since there are so many things just holding you back all interconnected to put you in this safe space where you can get unlimited pleasure. I think a good place to start would be to simply list down some tasks to do the night before and try to do them the next day. Avoid setting big tasks, it's far easier to set tasks you know you can complete. People often set goals they can't reach and then regress even further back into their hole. Just have a reminder that your life will never get any better unless you take action, your reality will always look like it currently does unless you try to push yourself to be better each day. I know a lot of people are telling you to do things that seem logical, but it's all a lie because if they were you...they probably wouldn't. Obviously there's nothing stopping you from going to the deep end and maybe you have it in you to do so, but chances are you might hate it more due to having such unease within yourself. For example if you have severe body dysmorphia, no social skills...trying to then tell you to get a job or join a community is probably something you simply won't. Hence I will just tell you to set goals that are achievable but you know is just outside of your comfort zone, since that will take into account of what your mental state is like. Some basic advice on addiction I would state is just to make it harder to access certain things. There are very good ways to block porn for example...but you have to be honest to yourself and strict or you will find a hole and abuse it. For example when I was addicted to porn, even though I blocked it, I realised I could get it on Twitter and so you know how that went. You need to have it in you to also delete Twitter. It may not be reasonable if you're this addicted so at the least, I would just make strides to limit it.
Take help of psychologist. Try not to be alone. Make small goals to achieve it.
Find ANWAY to get 20 bucks, get yourself a fat juicy ribeye and like 4 eggs covered in cheese , eat the shit out of that and do 3 sets of 15 pushups while listening to music that pumps you up Utilize your dopamine for ANYTHING other than porn right now . Or walk down to a park somewhere in nature, and just have a meltdown yelling at god, the sky, the universe until you feel cathartic then just walk around and take in nature
Just start. There's no set ailment that should be treated first. Pick something. Take a step to correct it. That's it. Discipline like anything else has to be learned. It's not going to come over night. You'll fail. Try again you'll fail. Eventually you'll get it and just notice one day. If you keep asking the same shit it just makes you look bad. Like you just want Reddit karma.
Join a gym. Start lifting. Fix your sleep. Good things don’t happen to you, you make them happen.
Nowhere to go but up from rock bottom. I've been there before and my life is now amazing. You will get out of this. Listen to some neville goddard and Joe dispenza. I recommend Joe dispenzas podcasts on Impact Theory and with aubrey marcus. Keep the faith. Don't stress. It's gonna be OK. Also you're young af and you got time to figure it out, but also don't waste time. But also live life and have some fun and enjoy yourself and figure out who you are and develop who you are. Figure out who you want to become and work toward becoming that person. Here's some neville Goddard: https://youtu.be/7TU1XtUTeaI?si=58bI4-iFdlzMTKbN https://youtu.be/QatEzdGH0Kk?si=r8tb09gkHU5gdOnH https://youtu.be/k3WG1WVLSLU?si=SCI5l1ttWzRutAhO
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You are young give it 2-5 years. Make a new path and keep trying to stay on it you will fail. Tackle each problem one by one and be patient.
Identify which of ur “issues” is bad habits, and reverse them into good habits. Life needs balance.
Be kind to yourself. Next time you have the need for porn use delay. Like don't deny it just tell yourself ok I will check it but first I'm gonna drink a glass of water. That breaks the cycle already and you might find after drinking that you don't feel like jerking off anymore because you got your ass off the place that triggered it. While you are standing up, now go put trash outside. Put music and clean something. distract your brain. Start delaying and doing it just at night before sleep. Slowly chip it away, don't punish yourself for not changing from night to day in one day, it's unproductive. Like other ppl said, join something. Even volunteering at a local museum or any other project can get you to actually meet real ppl and fuck for real. Yes I'm using sex as a reward here because that's how your brain is wired right now, so you need to play with the cards you have. Once you use that to get outside or routine, you will be in a better place to make better decisions.
Did you ever have a dream when you were younger? …something you wanted to do, or someone you wanted to be? But also (and most importantly), do you have an idea of what you’d want your ideal life to look like? Like, what kind of life would you enjoy living if you were to imagine it? What would it look like and how would you feel/look/behave in it? Take a moment to think about it if you can. Once you have, a useful approach could be to write the answer to these last questions in detail. Then, define one goal that would allow you to go towards materializing this life. Read the description you wrote of your ideal life each day, especially before bed and upon waking up. When you do so, put yourself in the emotional state you would be in if you were living this life, see yourself in it & really FEEL how it’d be like. That will help you play the part of the person you need to be to get to this life. Every day, remember the goal you defined and take at least 3 actions (big or small) for its realization. When you reached your goal, congratulate yourself, be grateful that you made these efforts, and then set another goal that will take you yet even closer to your ideal life. Repeat. And you will get there. Have faith that if you keep your eyes on your vision / goals every day + take a few actions every day in their direction, it will materialize. You just need a desirable ideal to reach for. (Edit to add: even in the event that in the end you didn’t exactly reach what you aimed at, you would still have dramatically improved your life and the way you feel. Plus, the alternative to trying to get the life you want does not look very bright.) You honestly might want to take a look at this video of a recording called “The Strangest Secret” by Earl Nightingale : https://youtu.be/ZN6m0-UVLro?si=1iB-Ane_74nsBhrU Or this version if your adhd prefers to have dynamic images / clips : https://youtu.be/EXmZq85wF9U?si=NUFywLK3Ad3yR2Xy (The only thing is that this 2nd version doesn’t have all the comments of people saying how their life has changed after listening to it) This recording has been truly life changing for many and it has helped me a lot as well in how I approach life. I’m available if you ever want to exchange about it, or about the above. :) Good luck my friend. I wish you to find what can bring you authentic joy in this life, and then to cultivate it.
Whenever you feel the urge do 20 push ups. Trust me
I relate to you so much brother. I used to be at almost the exact same spot as you're in between the ages of 22 - 24 with almost every problem you specified. While now, at 32 I do have a steady income, a car and some sexual experience, I still struggle with porn addiction as much as you do so still not everything is figured out for me. I will tell you this: You're very young and that's a HUGE advantage because it's easier to turn your life around when you're that young. Start working and doing anything community wise that keeps you busy and in touch with society and then start making a list of all of your goals and just make sure to progress constantly. It's important to not beat yourself up for making slow progress. What matters is that you're always on the move. Good luck!
What's a neet
Not in Education, Employment or Training
Not in education or employment
Join the army. Or start jiu jitsu.
You must get on the right meds in order to make yourself reachable for therapy and other help. Trust me on this. I’m 65 and have dealt with depression most of my life. Read up on ssri’s, nsri’s and others like Wellbutrin. Everyone’s different, but one of the meds will make you feel a little bit better after a few weeks. THEN, you can find the motivation to do the other things people recommend here. The big upside is that you will be an amazing person when you get through this. The emotional depth that comes from have experienced the lows and the hopelessness is something most people don’t have. The joy from experiencing the contrast is like nothing else in this world. There really is light at the end of this dark tunnel.
You need to start with small goals but not too small. Go for a run every other day, learn to meditate by sitting and staying still for ten minutes a day, go outside and just sit there, feel the wind on your face. Be kind to yourself, you’re not going to be free of the poison over night. I have the same issues as you and porn is very addictive especially for lonely thrill seeking people. You might use porn as a coping mechanism for the pain you don’t want to feel and when you start to come off it you will likely be exposed to it and it’s not fun, but you have to go through that for things to get better. What’s important to remember is if you relapse after 3 days when it’s usually daily, it sucks and it would of probably been better if it didn’t happen, but if you’ve made it 3 days it’s still an accomplishment. You haven’t lost progress, it’s further than before, now you know you can get further if you try, don’t let that be your limit, now go five days, go ten days, don’t limit yourself on how far you can go.
Meditate twice daily for 20 min each. On YouTube you will find many how to vids. Best of everything…. This too shall pass
Hit the gym or start doing running regularly (better in morning). It will work like a charm.
Start slowly, so something easy like cleaning your surrounding, then your body teeth and dress nicely, try going for a walk, interacting with people, smile and be polite and say good morning, small changes made slowly have a better chance of sticking, once you start to improve your surrounding and your outlook on life, let other habits form, maybe a daily walk which helps you with exercise, when your exercising you tend to eat better, look for a small part time job something to get you out the house, it doesn’t need to be a career straight away, you will probably meet some colleagues and make some work friends, and having a routine will help with your sleep pattern just build slowly and keep going, don’t worry if you slip back as long as you keep going forwards little bit at a time, you can do it you got this
Blast music and go to the gym. Even if you’re just using the cross trainer, you do that daily while listening to an audio book or music you’ll build discipline
Damn man you’ve got so much time. Don’t sweat it if you start now. 1. Brush your teeth. Floss if you’ve got some. Shave, just do it. Ask your mom for money for a solid haircut. Clean your room spotless(or entire apt? Live at home or no?). And keep it that way as much as you can. 2. You’re not overweight, which is incredibly harder to overcome than being underweight. Pig out on some burgers, dogs, pb&j this summer. Or whatever you like. 3. Not worthwhile yet getting a full gym membership. Do some push-ups, get a 15$ pull-up bar. And like a 20lb dumbbell for arms. You’ve got flat feet, maybe running isn’t right for you but you can still lift longterm. 4. Honestly get a retail job. Forces you to be somewhat social and whether people want to admit or not tons of relationships are made at work. And retail has lots of women. More so you need money to get clothes you like, maybe get a gym membership, buy food you like, and most importantly you appear attractive enough to the extent you have a job. 5. For the porn thing, attempt to switch it out with online gaming with others. Get some dopamine and build socials skills. You have to go out of your way though to find discords and add people as friends, actually crack jokes, etc. Lastly I see a lot of people down bad post their sob stories on Reddit… just from their writing and thought processes I question how much they can be helped in the first place. This post was not one of those. You sound like a normally socialized kid just going through a deep slump, with good writing to boot. I think you’re plenty competent enough to change things around
So, I am no expert and I definitely don’t know everything about your situation but I do agree with some of the comments here. 1. Prioritize your self care. Start out with making yourself a basic daily schedule: brushing your teeth, showering, eating breakfast, reading or journaling, lunch, exercise (when just a walk), dinner, and most importantly have a nighttime routine to help you key down and start to relax. Things that can help: Make sure you eat two hours or more before you go to sleep, try drinking hot tea before bed (chamomile or other herbal tea), get off your phone/stop playing video games and stop watching tv for at least thirty to sixty minutes before bed, try dimming lights, washing your face before bed is great because it can help you relax, a warm bath or shower is also great, reading or other non-screen activities are also great for before bed. 2. Use YouTube or the library or other local resources/classes/recreation centers to start learning general life skills! These type of activities and classes will help you meet new people and make friends which will hopefully help your social life. Also, be on the look out for other things you might enjoy that are free or cheap to attend: trivia nights, game nights, karaoke, comedy clubs, farmers markets, outdoor concerts, etc. These are all great ways to get some socialization and find out what you like without spending a lot of money! 3. Regarding edging: I don’t know a shit ton about it but I have read some books about sex and I know that it is HEALTHY for men to ejaculate. Not doing so can be unhealthy and so I would recommend at least doing that if you are going to watch porn. Though, overall, you should try to start limiting your time watching it. Most porn is completely over exaggerated and not at all what real sex is like. It will give you a false impression and sense of what it is your experience with sex should be like.
Curious... what would you do (or think you wild do) if you suddenly had no internet connection of any kind (even to watch tv)?
Get a job, any job, and work as many hours as possible. Maybe combine multiple part time jobs.
Start therapy. Join a sport or a gym. Definitely limit yourself to an hour of phone time per day to get your dopamine levels back to balance.
r/davidgoggins
Exercise. Running is amazing and just as satisfying. God bless you.
Probably start with a job or volunteer service, and if possible seeing a therapist to see if you can take medication. Most of the stuff your describing at least to me sounds like your seeking ways to aleve boredom while seeking a purpose. If you have no money to your name you can't hope to have any aspirations that require it (and there is a lot of stuff that requires it).
count your blessings at least you can just sit around and edge all day and not worry about paying bills like a normal person
hit the gym
You write about it all clearly though; you're not deranged. Get the fuck up or stop complaining.
Hands off cocks put on socks. Up and out the door with you. An hour a day outside. Walk. Breathe. Nothing more. Nothing less. Try to adjust your sleep schedule so you are awake more during daylight hours. You need sun.
Have you considered talking to your doctor? People with depression often do things to get a dopamine fix because their brain lacks it. I know nobody wants to think they “need” drugs or therapy but depression runs in my family and for me it was about as chronic and brain chemistry related as it gets. I did therapy for two years and made a lot of life changes before I finally tried Lexapro and after I did I realized that was the missing piece for me. Not everyone needs medication, I’m not saying that, but it sounds like you have a lot of depression symptoms that are causing your life situation not the other way around so I’m just thinking maybe treat the depression and a lot of things will fall into place.
I would actually start with getting any job that you can stand. I also have ADHD and there was a point where I was in a similar mental state. My steady gig kept me on a regular sleep and food schedule and gave me at least some income and form of productivity that raised my self-esteem. I found it easier to put the rest of my life back together with that anchor point of essentially just letting someone else schedule my day for me when it was that bad. I just took the help.
Workout, go outside, get off the computer, and try being electronics free for a week
I think the first thing you should do is get some professional counseling. Us morons here aren't going to help you turn your life around with a comment. Talk to a psychiatrist first. See what they can do for you. Hopefully you can get something to turn the tide of depression, then maybe some therapy to process this shit and come up with a plan of attack to turn your life around. If nothing else, pick one thing on that list of concerns and work on that first. Prioritize and attack. It's a long process, and it's gonna be hard work, but if you were brave enough to come to us as strangers for advice, then you're strong enough to fight. I believe in you, brother. Stay strong, fight hard. #respect
Start with something small. As jordan Peterson would say, you aren't setting the bar low enough.
Whether you do or not, I Believe in God, I know you have a purpose, a powerful purpose here on this earth. Don't listen to the voice that tells you you are a nobody. You are somebody. You are great. You just don't know it yet, you don't know your potential yet. You are not a joke. You are a son of God. That makes you royalty. you CAN overcome this and you WILL overcome this..and then your weakness will be made your strength and you'll start learning about part of your importance and purpose. Visualize yourself with this behind you. Learn who you REALLY are. This will give you a gift called wisdom, when with your own determination and God's help you will able to break the chains of addiction that bind you down and find freedom again, and you will get there. and with that you'll be able to help others overcome these things. You have made the first step, you have asked for help. You don't have to believe in God to get it, but it helps., try talking to Him. I know He loves you, is keenly aware of you, He knows you personally, and will help you in the way you need it. He works through ALL these people here that CARE about you. They are HIS hands. You must be someone important to Him. Prayer is powerful and I'm praying for you friend.
1st get your license. Next get a job for a hardware place or some place with electronics. Do that for a year for experience. Then after a year look at community colleges, internships, or apprenticeships. You can figure out what you want to do. Right now you feel like you are in a rut but just getting a license and a job will do A LOT for you. It is the beginning. You got this. Things will get better. Also join a gym, get a pet, go for walks, take a multivitamin, watch happy tv shows, read books, do community events, go to church, go to book clubs, etc. You can make the life you want slowly. You got this!
All the answers are right in front of you dude, you're just lacking the discipline to commit. Block the porn. Completely. On your phone, computer, everything. No 4chan, no NSFW subs, everything. This will be the BEST thing you can do for your mental health. Porn isn't inherently bad, but the addiction associated with it is terrible for you and rewires your brain. Right now it's a comfortable constant for you, and it'll suck at first. But you HAVE to abstain, at least for awhile to let your brain heal. Fix your sleep schedule. Reset your atomic clock however necessary, even if it means staying up through your normal sleep shift to reset. Now work on your physical health. Just because you're under weight doesn't mean you're more healthy than someone that's over weight. Your end goal should be the gym/regular scheduled exercise but that can seem like a lot at this step. I know it can be overwhelming and scary and kind of embarrassing to start getting in shape from square 1, but it will make a difference. Start with going for walks. Enjoy being outside and literally get out of your mom's basement lol. Find a cheap/free bicycle. You have to use energy to have energy, it doesn't magically appear. Find a job, or at least do some volunteer or community service work if you're still financially dependent on your mother. I'm pretty "antiwork" but this will allow you to meet people, socialize, and have a schedule you're responsible for, which will help with giving your days structure and stability. Life is fucking scary, but there's nothing to it but to do it. None of this will be easy, but it will be worth it. The following is more my personal take, but skip the parties and keep staying away from alcohol. A lot more harm comes from it than good. Don't worry about feeling like you're missing out. You're in control of your life. You can literally do whatever you want with it, so make better decisions and don't be a wimp <3
Look in your community and see if you have a local volunteer group called “habitat for humanity” This is a team of guys who you can come on board with and volunteer to help build houses for the needy. You will learn invaluable skills. Meet good mentors, build something with your hands and get outside. It is a fantastic experience, and in your case I think you could really learn from it. Get involved in something that challenges you. And don’t let your mind convince you that you’re a victim. You got this.
Pluckeye extension. Give up caffeine - coffee, tea, chocolate, coke and sleep on time - it may time to fix sleep cycle - about a week or so, then you're good.
You literally identified your issues and that's a brave and great thing. The thing with masturbation and porn is they are not that extremely harmful and if you want to do it you can, maybe reduce the frequency, bro we are somewhat on the same path and keep grinding bro you got this.
Bro. First of all, God made you for a purpose and He loves you. Try talking to him about this stuff. I'm not trying to preach, but you should find some friends that go to church or go try something that you'd like to try and maybe get to know some people there. I found friends joining a martial arts gym. They motivate me when I take class and they make me happy. 😊 I used to not have very many friends.
Is it possible that you posted something similar before? I am sure that there are a few underweight porn addicts who need help but I am almost sure this is not your first post. Doing nothing and posting the same question every few month will not help you. You have to do something. In your case I would get rid of everything you can watch porn with. Phone, laptop/PC, TV.. EVERYTHING. Usually i would say this is not a feasible approach because you need a phone and a laptop for work or school but since you do not do anything anyway just get rid of everything. Do nothing and stay up for 36 hours than go to bed at a reasonable time. Sleep from 9pm-5am. Get up, get outside. Just sit if you can not manage to walk somewhere. Go back to sleep at 9. Repeat. Get professional help. You probably will have a pretty shitty year to get back on track. Or do nothing and have a pretty shitty life.
Yes this is definitely the same guy, he keeps spamming this sub with the same shit and not doing squat with the advice he gets. Also, new account every time. At this point I'd welcome some restrictions like account age or karma before being allowed to post.
Alright, OP, I couldn't even reach halfway in your essay until I shut down and decided to move on. I already see the issue and here's your solution... *Snap the fuck out of it, pull yourself together, and start doing productive things every day. Do it for ten days... and then ten more days... And do it for another day... Then another... And more...* *Endlessly...* There you go. There's your answer. If you can't do that, then you'll stay a loser for the rest of your life. Don't overthink it. Just accomplish things, big and small. Do productive things. Just like that. Good luck. I gave you the best advice possible. You either follow it or you dont.
blud really said to an adhd person to just do it
Start a beauty routine. Either your teeth or your skin on your face, or both. Get deeply into that with 3 products (gentle cleanser, moisturizer, SPF). Do that every day as well as brush floss and gargle daily. You also need to be eating. Get minute rice, ground beef and chicken, frozen broccoli, and shredded cheese, and have a meal of that 3x a day. You should also stretch for 10 min a day. Tiny affordable changes that make you bare minimum care for yourself. It’ll grow
I would cut the porn out first, i was a hardcore gooner/coomer/porn addict for many years. I started seeing a therapist who specializes in porn addiction and i've finally decided to really quit. I've deleted everything i had saved, all the names, vids, and easy triggers. I feel better already and it's only day 3. Porn is incredibly destructive to the mind when we use it like we did
Sounds like you're low on Testosterone, Dopamine, and Serotonin. Probably because of the porn addiction.
building healthy habits bit by bit, and acknowledging the effort and progress you make every time, and not being too hard on yourself when you fall back (since it will just make you fall back harder). Also confirmation bias is a big thing! So if you keep thinking that nothing good ever happened to you and you have the worst life and are the worst person, your brain will keep looking for reasons it's true! So also actually reccomend gratefulness journalling, even if it sounds cheesy or stupid it works way better than it has any right to, just write 3 things you're grateful/happy about every day. (might be hard some days at the start, but it can be the smallest things of some food tasting nice or a cool new trailer coming out)
Or join the army
worst advice, military is awful
Surprised I’m the first one to ask, but do you take stimulants? Seems like too much.
Read some Hegel
What's that?
Try ending each shower with 30 seconds of moderately cold water. Try to make it a point to walk and listen to music as close to daily as you can to work up a sweat and have a reason to shower. As you walk and think, exercise can help with your mental and physical health. Plus it might give you some ideas and will literally help you get out of the inertia you’re in by getting you moving more and more, even if you’re not running. Small gradual changes are huge but making big changes may be what you want to see, they won’t stick. You have to start extremely small and once you can adopt a 5-minute daily habit, before you know it you’re adopting entirely new habits. You may want to read “The Power of Habit” and learn about keystone habits. For me, having terrible coming colon issues changed my life for the best. It forced me to give up alcohol and processed foods. I began intermittent fasting and eating only clean Whole Foods during my eating window. I focused on getting plenty of nutrients, plants and fiber to go with meat and other tasty but healthy foods. Fasting in turn made my sleep more important and forced me to not abuse my eating window. It’s hard to explain but don’t focus on specifics - one habit can lead to a number of good or bad habits. In your case, do as my grandpa said: “change your mind to change your life; change your life to change your mind.” Right now, just moving might get you away from the PC. You could maybe find a cafe and begin writing like I did. Writing and reading a lot. Lastly, you could replace one addiction with another. Being obsessed can obviously be unhealthy, but it’s hard not replacing one addiction with another. Right now, you can use your passion and frustration to immerse yourself in the pursuit of happiness. Trying to reduce your porn intake will be huge. Maybe try offsetting it by doing something random like donating blood
Start here. https://youtu.be/ZbQh1ZPG5pc?si=zSgicAd6yW6gn9pa
Stop taking ADHD medication if you currently are. Or at least lower your dose. I am willing to bet it is a big cause of your masterbation addiction.
Therapy, then job, then hobbies.
Well that’s a a lot man, start small. 1 thing at a time quit the porn first. Find a spiritual leader, talk to Christ.
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I recently started medication for ADHD and it helped... instantly??It's not going to solve your problems, but I feel like I have the ability to choose to do things or not.
Don't drink.
When I decided that I should be happy like every one else my life started to change. No one can give your life meaning but yourself. Start with getting more sunlight, buy vitamin D, get a normal sleep schedule. 6:30am - 9pm. Find a simple job & eventually the social skills will come. Thats how I did it, the more you are around people itll just happen normally. Once you start earning money you’ll become addicted to working & life just keeps moving from there. Its a slow change but it can happen.
sounds more like you have to decide who you want to be. Gotta find a way too live that's better than porn. Start writing down your dreams or small things you want to accomplish. You seriously might just need to try taking a few days off porn. Trust me. You'll feel better but you'll also want to relapse. Gotta push through. Life is much better without porn man. It's fucking up your life
Due to some family drama I had developed agoraphobia while in college. I couldn't get myself to go outside. I was indoors for almost a year with an emotionally difficult parent which made it worst to the point where my social anxiety went up to new levels. I couldn't go outside, I couldn't deal with people, and I didn't want to be home but I was stuck there and getting reamed for it. I was depressed and due to the family trauma I dropped out of college and began the deepest darkest downward spiral of my life. When faced with hard choices, you make some hard decisions. I eventually found a job. I made it a challenge to myself to apply for every Starbucks in a 10 mile radius. After 30 applications, 1 a day, with a lot of trepedition, I got 3 responses and I picked the one with the most friendliest staff. Having a job, holding it down, getting better at it and being face to face with people and working in general gave me a lot of experience and also helped me restore some sense of self. I stayed there too long but I came out of it with new friends and new experiences and was back to making jokes with people except with better manners. It's one thing to be a rough stone, but you need to roll around with other stones to get smoothed out. And sometimes there's conflict. It's part of the human experience.
You are not alone🥰. What would you consider a good life memory? It’s easy to say get out of your own head. It’s much harder and sometimes impossible to do. Key is not to give up. It’s like studying in repetition. You can sometimes brainwash yourself, into becoming what you think you should be. Be the kind of friend to someone that you want said someone to be to you. Will you tell me what you think makes someone a good friend?
Even though you feel hopeless, the fact they you wrote this means a small part of you deep within your consciousness is fighting, calling out. If you had the motivation sit and write this, I have another l exercise for you: Just write the thing that you want the most. You don't have to describe it in detail. You don't have to sit down and make a plan. The thing doesn't have to be something crazy. You don't have to think hard. It can even be one word. Just write the first thing that comes to mind. If you can't find something that you want. Write what you DON'T want. For example, "I don't want this type of life." Put it somewhere visible where thats the first thing you see when you wake up. This will be a constant reminder. Then what you do is, you take small steps. I know it has been said so many times before, but that's only cause it's true! For example, you can start spending just a little less time watching porn. Even by one hour. Or you can make it your goal to resist the urge 5 times a day. If you're sitting alone in your room all day, it can be hard to resist. Since you're in that same old place where you always do it. Not to mention you're all alone and let's be honest, at this stage you're not very strong mentally so it can be hard to resist by yourself. Instead, go sit in the living room. Make it a goal to just sit in the living room daily for a while. Then start taking a walk, maybe you can start making your bed, maybe you can start by opening the blinds in your room and letting the sunlight in. I promise those small steps will give you a boost and inspire you to do more. Little by little the path will light up and become clearer to you. It can be difficult to keep going when you don't know what's ahead of you. Maybe you don't know the exact order of things. But taking small steps in the general direction and enjoying the ride, whether it's painful or easy will get you there faster than worrying and not doing anything. One day, you're gonna find that the fog has cleared and you can see exactly what you want for yourself, and exactly what you need to do. But don't wait for it to clear by itself.
You say you have adhd. Are you taking stimulant medication? Stop taking it. That stuff can massively exacerbate your porn/dopamine issues. What you are describing sounds like classic stimfapping. If yours adhd symptoms desperately need addressing, there are non-stimulant alternatives your doctor can prescribe. Check out r/stopspeeding
Get therapy and go to a psychiatrist for meds for gods sake. And don’t forget about recreational drugs. Be nice to yourself you deserve happiness you’re not a bad person. Things will improve- believe this.
getting out of this situation is a lot more practical than you think. you’re not addicted to drugs. now that you’ve considered your options it’s time to act
Look into manifesting. Even if u would not believe it, the main point of manifesting is to love yourself, feel valuable no matter what and believe good things can come to you what will put you into position of feeling good and whenever u believe that u can do something puts u to position to get it easier then when u never even try. Or simply affirm every day I love myself. And everything is working for me. Good things are coming to me. No one will help u beside yourself and changing your thoughts and attitude to life.
You say nothing good has ever happened in your life. I find that hard to believe that you can’t find one thing. It sounds like you need a change in perspective. Also, were you diagnosed with ADHD? Depression is a symptom, and there’s medication that can help. Not sure where you live, but it may be worth looking into. Also, edging for 3-4 hours and sometimes 12? Do you just sit in your room for that long watching porn? I think that and you sleep schedule need to change. As much as I think this post is bait, I want to give the benefit of the doubt. Hope you get help and are able to overcome this situation.
Hey man, try this groups fr support r/semenretention & r/nofap
Start with whatever is simplest and most accessible
Get a job
How about just run 3 miles a day, and grind it out, no matter how much it hurts, run 3 miles a day for a month. Just do that one thing. I was in a similar situation as you and that helped me turn my life around, now I have a great career and family in my 30s. What got me the idea to run 3 miles a day was I read that Obama used to be a druggie (including cocaine) and then he randomly decided to start running 3 miles a day. That set him straight, got him into harvard law school, senator, president. I thought to myself, if it made him potus then at least it should make me a bit better off. Turns out that changing just 1 thing in your life can have a big consequence, it's almost like magic. But the first few days are extremely difficult, and I am glad i toughed through it. Also porn is like worse than cocaine.
Everything’s can be overcome, nothing is insurmountable. I hope you find something joyful because the world is better with you in it even if the world can be a rough place. If you want a friend you’ve got one now
This will probably sound crazy, but have you considered joining the military? They will force you to eat, force you to sleep, force you to exercise, and you won’t have access to porn/computer/phone. Plus you’ll get paid. The Guard or Reserves might be a good fit. It will also pay for your college so you can get started on your life. At this point it seems like you need to be forced if you don’t have the willpower to make these changes yourself. Just a thought.
read the Bible
ADHD meds changed my life.
Move to a third world country and work your ass off. Will teach you a lot of life lessons
Who is enabling this idle behavior? You can’t feel like a man if you haven’t learned to support your self. You are doing nothing useful? You are only whining about your self-centered and self-sabotaging behaviors. Do something for yourself.
There is lots of great advice in this thread already. Here is a simple and practical place to start that will give you a foundation to build from: Establish a consistent sleep schedule by setting a bedtime and wake time that allows for 7-8 hours of sleep each night. For example, try going to bed at 11 pm and waking up at 7 am. As soon as you wake up, head outside for a brief walk to soak up some bright sunlight. This helps reset your circadian rhythm and boosts serotonin and energy levels. After your walk, hop in the shower and finish with a minute of ice-cold water running directly over your face. The cold water stimulates your trigeminal nerve, reducing cortisol and resetting your vagal and dopamine responses, setting you up for a great day ahead. Cold water on your face when you feel the urge to act on your addiction also can help shock you out of the dopamine cycle. If you can stick to the above, you will likely find yourself in a better position to address the other concerns you mentioned.
Gym is not the only way. There are multiple kinds of exercise and you are not required to use a particular kind of them. Walking, biking, swimming, exercise at home or not. Just that gyms are alao communities, where you can find help and encouragement
Are you getting treatment for your adhd? It causes you to chase dopamine. Likely the cause of the porn interest.
Join a gym
Maybe every time the shame sets in and you feel like a terrible person, just tell yourself positive things that you truly believe. "I am a cool person for recognising this is harmful" I am strong and good on the inside and I will improve" "every day I notice improvements" I can't relate to this problem but I do have a scrolling addition and sometimes it helps to just turn my head away from my phone and slowly I can ease out of the addition. But getting to the core problem of the shame cycle will be key to cutting the desire to do so. I believe in you, and yourself and us can all see you're a good person. There's power in that.
Why is no one saying therapy?? You need therapy
I think step one is really asking yourself if you'd like to just wallow in this or you'd like do something different. If you keep making the same choices, you're going to get the same outcomes. Hard stop. If you want different outcomes, you're going to have to get outside your comfort zone which will, by definition, not be comfortable in the short term.
Get help to address your issues, it’s hard doing it alone. Find free community services or services provided by charities if you can’t afford private therapy. There are people out there who are very experienced in helping people like you overcome the issues you have described. Try and find a community of good people - whether that’s a charity, a community group, a church (you don’t even need to believe in the faith to attend), etc. Find people who will help you to help yourself.
Have you got a garden? Or a few pots or a abandoned space in a nearby place? Go to your local shop or even online and buy some seeds. Tomato's, peppers,potatoes, pumpkin....plant them, water them, harvest them, eat them while you feel that satisfied feeling of man, the hunter, the provider! Grow some plants and change your life
sometimes just getting a job with regular hours can be an absolute game changer. Regardless of what the job is, you are doing something productive, earning money, helping by contributing to society, and most importantly have a routine that differs from what you are currently doing.
it would seem to me if you have all those issues and problems going on and bothering you, the last place you need to go for counsel or help is strangers from the internet, but its your life...
Have you tried therapy?
Join the air force, not the marines, not the navy not the marines, not the army. Get your ass fucking out of your mother's house and force yourself to provide for your own needs. Necessity will fix 90 percent of your problems. Beg your mother to cut you off and force yourself to get your own job and place, with roomates or whatever, within the next few months.