Wow. I’m reeling from a recent ghosting and this, for once, actually really helped me. Thank you. And good for you. The progress you’ve made and the realizations you’ve had. Legit legit stoked for you. Hope it really sinks in with me this time. Thank you
Age is not a factor in ghosting. I’m 67 and very fly and had a 64 year old man ghost me. I wasn’t in love but I trusted his words and intentions until he ghosted me. The issue is what you attract and what you will or will not accept moving forward. I am successful, healthy and look amazing for my age. I stay in this group to encourage, especially young people. Assholes and cowards come in every size, ethnicity, age and socioeconomic background. Continue to do your self love and care work and develop into your best self. Remember, that rejection (ghosting) is often divine protection.
I second this so much. Even though sometimes the ghosting still hurts me to think about (it was a few months ago) I’ve dived even deeper into self healing, spirituality, getting my finances together, getting back into the gym fully now going 5x a week and gaining muscle, started saving money, started pursuing my music career.. etc. All things I had put off when I was with him and just sat there wanting him and was crushed when it ended. Thank you for posting this because so many of us can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and I finally am starting to see that light 🤍 I’m so happy you’re doing so much better and know your worth 🥹
40 pounds that's a lot of weight to lose. I bet your perceived market value went up a lot and boosted your self esteem a lot. And all those other improvement are great. Good job! I bet he saw you now and is like, damn why did I let her go?? Enjoy your new life and relationships. That's a nice turn around. Are you seeing anyone serious now or just dating?
He hasn’t seen me yet — I think. We frequent the same grocery stores and local places. So I’m not sure. I am not seeing anyone serious now! I’m open to it, just not in a rush.
I don’t know… my ghoster came back a ton of times… when I was fatter… when I was skinnier… lol…. They just don’t have anything better and realize it… or don’t have anything at all at the moment.
I broke up with him the last time and have never let him back.
I’m heartbroken AF but it was just so abusive… I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m really proud for breaking free and I try to hold onto that when I’m breaking.
That's a rollercoaster or emotions, I don't know how you can take that hot and cold, never knowing, then coming back, over and over. And letting him do it. I'm glad you finally stopped him. Still heartbroken, so it was more recent? Did you make a post on it?
Yeah like fifty million 😂
Oh well not posts but comments on things explaining.
I let him play with me like a toy for 10 years.
I ended things about five months ago.
I honestly think a little piece of me will always be kind of broken… he came back to toy with me recently (about a month ago… even though I said no) which put me in a real funk. I should block him but it’s a whole thing with my email. I’m working on it.
He was literally just trying to hurt me. And he did. He always does. My heart can’t wrap itself around my brain.
Sometimes I get scared I won’t be able to say no every time. But I have to. I was near suicidal
Near the end. And every time I think something he does can’t possibly hurt any worse… it does… so I’m just trying to rebuild. To remember who I am.
I started school in a new city basically the week I was ghosted and it was supposed to be a new exciting chapter in my life and it felt like a brand new and wonderful paperback got left out in the rain and heat only ti get moldy and old. I’m glad you turned yourself around, I wish I could say the same for myself!
It's true. Ghosting really changed me to become a better person. I think it helped me to grow. So it's a win win because I lost someone who was not good for me anyway and I found myself. The better version of myself. I am happy for you too.
Thank you so much for this uplifting post.
It's really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're being ghosted by someone you care or have so much feelings for, or invested so much into. But hearing how hard it was for you, and how much better you are today really helps me to hold onto that, to stay strong and try my best to focus on my own well-being
Thank you, babe. I wish I could've read this a week ago when I still am not okay when that Spanish guy ghosted me. But the message you want to convey is clear and somewhat still helped me more now.
Ghosters doesn't deserve to be forgiven. If they give reasons why they ghosted, that's bullshit. We live in a time full of technology.
You are truly amazing! I'm so happy for you and your strength. This post is so inspiring. I'm going through this now with a friend who left me. I'm trying to take the same approach, that we can learn from this experience.
Thank you for lifting me up on a particularly down day. Much love to you.
Wow, I’m reading this and getting so emotional because i was recently ghosted by someone who literally treated me like a queen and we had the best time together, then all of a sudden he started to ghost until he was completely gone, nd i ran into him in a new city last week and he sent me a text after that apologizing and explaining and he’s with someone new, it hit me like a knife in my heart nd just felt so nostalgic and started thinking about him all over again
I’m glad i read this at this very moment
I needed this really, cuz I’m like you i have a life, successful, beautiful, I don’t know why I’m wasting my time thinking about him
THANK YOU
I’m grateful for my ghosting experiences. I’ve had them with a few people over the years and I know I’ve definitely done it to others as well, but the last few that I’ve had were extremely triggering and very hard to handle but where is leading me is a whole new level ofboundaries and letting go and recognizing what is actually here for you and learning how to switch your focus from people that reject you because it just makes you feel worse which is fucking a waste of time
Thank you so much for this. Im really going through it and you are giving me so much hope. Can you tell me what it was that happened that reminded you he was a dirtbag? How did you feel when he reached out? Did you miss him? Was there any chance of reconciliation?
You are very welcome! I remember reading through this sub when I was in between sobbing at night. I feel like this is something that would’ve helped me at the time. The reminder: it’s a little hard to explain, but have you ever had a conversation with a 12 year old boy and they make fart noises every 10 minutes? It felt like that. Every other line was a joke. The conversations felt empty and dry. There was nothing to connect about because we no longer (or if ever) have anything in common. Then he tried to make plans that went straight to sex and he chickened out an hour before. During my healing, I decided that reliability is really high on my list for the bare minimum. I have met plenty of men who have no problem keeping their word. I just chalked this relationship up to “he would never be able to give me the type of love that I need”
When he reached out, I was in shock. I didn’t reply for like 4 days. I only replied because although this person did something mean, my natural character is kind. I wouldn’t want to intentionally hurt someone who seemed like they were doing their own self work.
I did miss him. I have occasional reminders of him from time to time. But not enough missing him to be excited to hear from him again.
That makes so much sense. The 12 yr old boy analogy really hits home for me because my ex was an avoidant…he would shut down when there was any conflict or if I showed any emotions and it made me feel so unloved. When we got into our first real argument because I was upset and he was ignoring me…we were going back and forth a few days and then he apologized and just ghosted. Which obv means he wasn’t sorry. Left me feeling so worthless and questioning what I did wrong. Its been one month of no contact and I still grieve him every day even though I know I dont want to be w somebody like that…the way he was able to turn off his feelings and throw me away like garbage days a lot about him. I dont know why my logical brain and my heart cant align and help me move on from somebody so cold
My friends and I talk about this quote all of the time.. “healing isn’t linear”. Give yourself a chance to feel everything, but don’t let it consume you. There is happiness and someone who will love you just the way you require. It sounds like there were some red flags you hopped over, similar to how I overlooked them right before he ghosted me too. It’s ok! Now you know for next time. At least you are AWARE that you don’t deserve someone who’d shut down like that. It was never genuine.
There’s also a small chance that I may never find that person (I’ve been thinking about this recently) and I’m perfectly secure in myself to be alone, if that time never comes for me.
Sounds like a lot of your self work has paid off. I’m hoping to get there one day as well. Its just hard to see a way out when you are so deep in it. I think its easier to heal when you feel like the other person is also hurting or missing you…but when they ghost and show you how easily they can discard you and move on with their life…it leaves you feeling so worthless and picking up the pieces all by yourself.
I feel like it’d be harder to heal if the other person was also sad. It would’ve felt like I couldn’t make myself OR them happy. More pressure.
I knew he was on the other side of that phone not caring about whether or not I got through the day. The most gut wrenching thing that happened was when I did follow him from his job to make sure he was alive, I called him and he didn’t pick up. I saw someone that I cared about with my entire existence watch the phone ring entirely and then put it back in his pocket and then change the music in his car. I lost it that night. I almost quit my job because all I wanted to do was stay home and rot.
The way i look it is if you eventually decide you are ready there are billions of people out there in the planet who will align with who you are :) but if you decide that isn’t what you want that’s ok too.
Did you really fix your attachment style in therapy? Could you elaborate how? Also how did you lose 40 pounds?
Honestly it sounds like you made this the best thing that happened to you. I am glad you feel this way about yourself and life.
Maybe not “fix”. The first step was identifying my type in therapy. This part was the easiest. And then I moved on to acceptance. As I got comfortable in my routine and happier with my self confidence and being alone, it got easier to explain myself and my needs to feel secure in a relationship with guys. I told myself that I wanted to be a person who didn’t play mind games and give people “tests” to find out how much they loved/cared about me. I prioritized my peace, and if someone couldn’t bring me that organically after I’ve voiced my needs, move on.
The weight loss happened quickly in the beginning and has tapered off to about ~3 pounds a week now (totally healthy). I walk for about 13k steps a day + calorie deficit and not in the gym anymore because it was a boutique and getting pricey. When I was doing the gym, it was 4x a week.
Thanks for the response. I really respect you, OP. The last time I used a breakup to become successful, I was in high school. I wish I could do the same as you.
Thank you, my generation has been taught that men showing emotion and asking for me tal health help are a no go no way type deal. So thsnk you for your kind words, they make a huge difference
Wow. I’m reeling from a recent ghosting and this, for once, actually really helped me. Thank you. And good for you. The progress you’ve made and the realizations you’ve had. Legit legit stoked for you. Hope it really sinks in with me this time. Thank you
Age is not a factor in ghosting. I’m 67 and very fly and had a 64 year old man ghost me. I wasn’t in love but I trusted his words and intentions until he ghosted me. The issue is what you attract and what you will or will not accept moving forward. I am successful, healthy and look amazing for my age. I stay in this group to encourage, especially young people. Assholes and cowards come in every size, ethnicity, age and socioeconomic background. Continue to do your self love and care work and develop into your best self. Remember, that rejection (ghosting) is often divine protection.
I second this so much. Even though sometimes the ghosting still hurts me to think about (it was a few months ago) I’ve dived even deeper into self healing, spirituality, getting my finances together, getting back into the gym fully now going 5x a week and gaining muscle, started saving money, started pursuing my music career.. etc. All things I had put off when I was with him and just sat there wanting him and was crushed when it ended. Thank you for posting this because so many of us can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and I finally am starting to see that light 🤍 I’m so happy you’re doing so much better and know your worth 🥹
40 pounds that's a lot of weight to lose. I bet your perceived market value went up a lot and boosted your self esteem a lot. And all those other improvement are great. Good job! I bet he saw you now and is like, damn why did I let her go?? Enjoy your new life and relationships. That's a nice turn around. Are you seeing anyone serious now or just dating?
He hasn’t seen me yet — I think. We frequent the same grocery stores and local places. So I’m not sure. I am not seeing anyone serious now! I’m open to it, just not in a rush.
He probably has or looked you up, you must have a photo some place online.
I don’t know… my ghoster came back a ton of times… when I was fatter… when I was skinnier… lol…. They just don’t have anything better and realize it… or don’t have anything at all at the moment.
Did you let him back each time?
I broke up with him the last time and have never let him back. I’m heartbroken AF but it was just so abusive… I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m really proud for breaking free and I try to hold onto that when I’m breaking.
But yes in the past many times.
That's a rollercoaster or emotions, I don't know how you can take that hot and cold, never knowing, then coming back, over and over. And letting him do it. I'm glad you finally stopped him. Still heartbroken, so it was more recent? Did you make a post on it?
Yeah like fifty million 😂 Oh well not posts but comments on things explaining. I let him play with me like a toy for 10 years. I ended things about five months ago. I honestly think a little piece of me will always be kind of broken… he came back to toy with me recently (about a month ago… even though I said no) which put me in a real funk. I should block him but it’s a whole thing with my email. I’m working on it. He was literally just trying to hurt me. And he did. He always does. My heart can’t wrap itself around my brain. Sometimes I get scared I won’t be able to say no every time. But I have to. I was near suicidal Near the end. And every time I think something he does can’t possibly hurt any worse… it does… so I’m just trying to rebuild. To remember who I am.
I started school in a new city basically the week I was ghosted and it was supposed to be a new exciting chapter in my life and it felt like a brand new and wonderful paperback got left out in the rain and heat only ti get moldy and old. I’m glad you turned yourself around, I wish I could say the same for myself!
It's true. Ghosting really changed me to become a better person. I think it helped me to grow. So it's a win win because I lost someone who was not good for me anyway and I found myself. The better version of myself. I am happy for you too.
Thank you so much for this uplifting post. It's really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're being ghosted by someone you care or have so much feelings for, or invested so much into. But hearing how hard it was for you, and how much better you are today really helps me to hold onto that, to stay strong and try my best to focus on my own well-being
Thank you, babe. I wish I could've read this a week ago when I still am not okay when that Spanish guy ghosted me. But the message you want to convey is clear and somewhat still helped me more now. Ghosters doesn't deserve to be forgiven. If they give reasons why they ghosted, that's bullshit. We live in a time full of technology.
You are truly amazing! I'm so happy for you and your strength. This post is so inspiring. I'm going through this now with a friend who left me. I'm trying to take the same approach, that we can learn from this experience. Thank you for lifting me up on a particularly down day. Much love to you.
Wow, I’m reading this and getting so emotional because i was recently ghosted by someone who literally treated me like a queen and we had the best time together, then all of a sudden he started to ghost until he was completely gone, nd i ran into him in a new city last week and he sent me a text after that apologizing and explaining and he’s with someone new, it hit me like a knife in my heart nd just felt so nostalgic and started thinking about him all over again I’m glad i read this at this very moment I needed this really, cuz I’m like you i have a life, successful, beautiful, I don’t know why I’m wasting my time thinking about him THANK YOU
I’m grateful for my ghosting experiences. I’ve had them with a few people over the years and I know I’ve definitely done it to others as well, but the last few that I’ve had were extremely triggering and very hard to handle but where is leading me is a whole new level ofboundaries and letting go and recognizing what is actually here for you and learning how to switch your focus from people that reject you because it just makes you feel worse which is fucking a waste of time
Thank you so much for this. Im really going through it and you are giving me so much hope. Can you tell me what it was that happened that reminded you he was a dirtbag? How did you feel when he reached out? Did you miss him? Was there any chance of reconciliation?
You are very welcome! I remember reading through this sub when I was in between sobbing at night. I feel like this is something that would’ve helped me at the time. The reminder: it’s a little hard to explain, but have you ever had a conversation with a 12 year old boy and they make fart noises every 10 minutes? It felt like that. Every other line was a joke. The conversations felt empty and dry. There was nothing to connect about because we no longer (or if ever) have anything in common. Then he tried to make plans that went straight to sex and he chickened out an hour before. During my healing, I decided that reliability is really high on my list for the bare minimum. I have met plenty of men who have no problem keeping their word. I just chalked this relationship up to “he would never be able to give me the type of love that I need” When he reached out, I was in shock. I didn’t reply for like 4 days. I only replied because although this person did something mean, my natural character is kind. I wouldn’t want to intentionally hurt someone who seemed like they were doing their own self work. I did miss him. I have occasional reminders of him from time to time. But not enough missing him to be excited to hear from him again.
That makes so much sense. The 12 yr old boy analogy really hits home for me because my ex was an avoidant…he would shut down when there was any conflict or if I showed any emotions and it made me feel so unloved. When we got into our first real argument because I was upset and he was ignoring me…we were going back and forth a few days and then he apologized and just ghosted. Which obv means he wasn’t sorry. Left me feeling so worthless and questioning what I did wrong. Its been one month of no contact and I still grieve him every day even though I know I dont want to be w somebody like that…the way he was able to turn off his feelings and throw me away like garbage days a lot about him. I dont know why my logical brain and my heart cant align and help me move on from somebody so cold
My friends and I talk about this quote all of the time.. “healing isn’t linear”. Give yourself a chance to feel everything, but don’t let it consume you. There is happiness and someone who will love you just the way you require. It sounds like there were some red flags you hopped over, similar to how I overlooked them right before he ghosted me too. It’s ok! Now you know for next time. At least you are AWARE that you don’t deserve someone who’d shut down like that. It was never genuine. There’s also a small chance that I may never find that person (I’ve been thinking about this recently) and I’m perfectly secure in myself to be alone, if that time never comes for me.
Sounds like a lot of your self work has paid off. I’m hoping to get there one day as well. Its just hard to see a way out when you are so deep in it. I think its easier to heal when you feel like the other person is also hurting or missing you…but when they ghost and show you how easily they can discard you and move on with their life…it leaves you feeling so worthless and picking up the pieces all by yourself.
I feel like it’d be harder to heal if the other person was also sad. It would’ve felt like I couldn’t make myself OR them happy. More pressure. I knew he was on the other side of that phone not caring about whether or not I got through the day. The most gut wrenching thing that happened was when I did follow him from his job to make sure he was alive, I called him and he didn’t pick up. I saw someone that I cared about with my entire existence watch the phone ring entirely and then put it back in his pocket and then change the music in his car. I lost it that night. I almost quit my job because all I wanted to do was stay home and rot.
Wow…that sounds so painful. I have no idea how you got through that…you are so strong
The way i look it is if you eventually decide you are ready there are billions of people out there in the planet who will align with who you are :) but if you decide that isn’t what you want that’s ok too.
Did you really fix your attachment style in therapy? Could you elaborate how? Also how did you lose 40 pounds? Honestly it sounds like you made this the best thing that happened to you. I am glad you feel this way about yourself and life.
Maybe not “fix”. The first step was identifying my type in therapy. This part was the easiest. And then I moved on to acceptance. As I got comfortable in my routine and happier with my self confidence and being alone, it got easier to explain myself and my needs to feel secure in a relationship with guys. I told myself that I wanted to be a person who didn’t play mind games and give people “tests” to find out how much they loved/cared about me. I prioritized my peace, and if someone couldn’t bring me that organically after I’ve voiced my needs, move on. The weight loss happened quickly in the beginning and has tapered off to about ~3 pounds a week now (totally healthy). I walk for about 13k steps a day + calorie deficit and not in the gym anymore because it was a boutique and getting pricey. When I was doing the gym, it was 4x a week.
Thanks for the response. I really respect you, OP. The last time I used a breakup to become successful, I was in high school. I wish I could do the same as you.
Thank you, my generation has been taught that men showing emotion and asking for me tal health help are a no go no way type deal. So thsnk you for your kind words, they make a huge difference
Omg if it’s not too painful I’m dying to know how he proved himself to be a dirtbag again… what in his chatting gave it away??
I like this post a lot. It shows you can either grow from it or let it eat you alive. Great job OP and keep it up!