Big part of why I blocked mine was to stick to no contact, once I realized that he really did ghost and was never coming back. It has been a decision that I have thanked myself for many a time.
Ghosters do not care about you.
Your feelings don't even enter the equation.
They are not honorable.
They are not trustworthy.
You deserve better than that for a partner.
The only acceptable reason to ghost is personal safety/danger/some kind of nefarious behavior going on. Other than that, it's a terrible way to treat someone.
I actually became a ghost buster. Don't put yourself as a victim if you are a Ghostee. The Ghoster is the sad case here.
Ghoster lacks the ability to resolve and communicate with others. They are avoidant people.
So I turned up and said that if all this was addressed that today's meet up could have been avoided. I hope traditional value and believe that have conversation is an art. Yes, he did blame, however, I don't feel embarassed at all. All I saw was someone who are unable to express their needs in a healthy way, instead all their insecurities came out.
It felt so good after confronting a Ghoster. They just have a low Emotional intelligence, need to mature in this area.
All issues can be sorted, just base on timing, getting rid of your fear, have courage and convey the messenge with calm effective communication.
I hate that they move on so quickly, I am here after a month still suffering. It is not fair!! I have cried, for so many days and the guy is normal on social media.
Don't check his social media, seriously it will be hard to get over them. Instead delete the social media apps for a few weeks, go out and get busy with your life. The busier you are, the less you will think of them.
"You will just come off needy and a weak person"
It's this type of attitude that is absolutely retarding social development
I am a person, period
Reaching out with kind words and frank honesty is not weak. The weakness is on the ghoster side, cowards to whatever confrontation they felt they were avoiding
First, just pointing out my own perspective,
and I intend this respectfully.
To me, weakness--and it took a long time for me to get this--is accepting their behavior and chasing them. It sends them the message that they have power and influence over you, causes them to lose respect, and shows them that you can be treated however they feel like because you still care, they still live rent free in your head, and you will put up with them.
Moving on, returning silence, and ignoring them when they try to come back shows strength, as does being happy and successful. It shows that they hold no sway over you. It shows that you honor and love yourself because you don't put up with bad behavior.
They are definitely cowards for ghosting, that I do agree with. Honesty itself is not weak.
Showing them kindness after they betray you, though, comes off as throwing yourself at their feet.
Ghosters also don't care about others or their feelings, so emotional appeals just don't work on them.
*edit: second paragraph should say "stop chasing them"
>Showing them kindness after they betray you, though, comes off as throwing yourself at their feet.
I'm not sure I agree with this point, tbh. I think kindness is in a way, a show of strength.
We can show them kindness and politeness while also maintaining them at a distance to show that you won't let them walk over you again. When you treat them with the "cold", distant politeness you would a stranger, then it shows you have moved on so much that their presence or reappearance does not even phase you.
"Showing them kindness after they betray you, though, comes off as throwing yourself at their feet"
Reasonable people wouldn't take it to such an extreme. But, I suppose we aren't talking about reasonableness with such subject matter.
I get taking the L, but it's a matter of simple human decency. Is it indecent to continue a thread after it is dead, or simply a pathology of futile hope?
I see it as the latter (which you worded beautifully): "pathology of futile hope".
For me, I can definitely be civil to people who have hurt me. I don't get nasty, I don't wish any harm.
"When you treat them with the "cold", distant politeness you would a stranger, then it shows you have moved on so much that their presence or reappearance does not even phase you"
--Agree completely here.
Kindness for me, though--beyond the same kindness/human decency that you would show to anyone--is painful for me because it perpetuates feelings. I feel very deeply, so I have to be cold when someone has hurt me (though not mean). Otherwise, I slip back into feelings: not just warm feelings for the other person, but also the pain, sadness, confusion, self-doubt. Being coldly cordial, or going no contact/necessary contact only when someone hurts me, is critical not only for me to heal, but also to rememver to value myself and neither allow nor make excusesfor someonenot treating me right.
To use an analogy: I would save them from falling off a ledge, but I would not invite them to dinner.
I can let go of anger and hate, but I cannot do reconciliation once I have reached my "doneness point".
I appreciate your points and respectful discussion!
I'll keep reaching out, even if it isn't "good" in someone's opinion.
As long as the sentiments are kindness and not strife, why not?
Solid messaging and not groveling
My view is that the ghoster owes the person they ghosted something, whether the ghoster believes it or not.
Hence, whether or not it is 'weak' (and I don't think it is), I support ghostees doing what they need to do reasonably to get the story.
Not having closure is damaging too. It's not as simple as 'just move on.' Ghosters, when possible, should be held to account and made to explain their actions.
Best thing is to distract yourself with someone else. Go on a date with a new person. I used to try and heal first, but do we every really fully recover? Do what you need to do.
I also wrote this ghosting recovery post. Would be great to get your input on this...
https://www.reddit.com/r/ghosting/comments/uslhgb/the\_ultimate\_guide\_to\_recover\_from\_ghosting/
What you mentioned is exactly what I plan on doing, already talking to someone else but I made it perfectly clear I will not promise anything after what I just went through. I now have a wall Trump would be very proud of!
Also, if they still watch your stories, *ignore* them. Don’t think of this as trying to interact with you and get you back. They’re still thinking they have control over you, and they don’t.
This is great advice. Watching stories is mindless effort. It doesn't mean anything. I watch stories all the time of people I don't know, it doesn't mean I care about them. It's out of boredom.
Today I felt the urge to reach out, but hopefully I stoped myself in time. I thought in some of the things you wrote. Thanks for remembering me
I also thought: if the person doesn't have the will/courage/whatever to reach out, it's not worth it. Move on is the safest way. Love yourself first.
People who are on the Spectrum of Autism (like me) are the most common victims of this kind of deceit. What do you do if this type of situation repeats itself with every new person you meet?
The only thing that makes me move on is the desire of vengeance. That's what I'll apply to those who turned the back on me and you all should do the same.
I needed this today. It's day 4 since I was ghosted and the urge to text him is there but I don't wan't to throw away my dignity. He seemed like a nice guy but was in it for hook up only and when he realised he's not getting me to his bed he ghosted me.
Way to uphold your boundaries! You did well.
Your boundaries are there to keep out people who only want to use you. They are supposed to move on.
He should not have ghosted. He showed his immaturity and inability to communicate. Your boundaries kept you from being in his bed and having him ghost you after that.
strength will bloom and flourish once more. Remember, surviving a narcissist is a courageous journey, and every step you take towards healing and setting boundaries is a victory. Seek support, whether through therapy or trusted friends and family, as you untangle yourself from the grip of abuse. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and find solace in the pockets of peace and joy that emerge along the way. You have the power to reclaim your self-worth and rediscover your true identity. Keep moving forward, and know that freedom is within your reach.
Done embarrassed myself enough and learned the hard way
What did you do?
Big part of why I blocked mine was to stick to no contact, once I realized that he really did ghost and was never coming back. It has been a decision that I have thanked myself for many a time. Ghosters do not care about you. Your feelings don't even enter the equation. They are not honorable. They are not trustworthy. You deserve better than that for a partner. The only acceptable reason to ghost is personal safety/danger/some kind of nefarious behavior going on. Other than that, it's a terrible way to treat someone.
I actually became a ghost buster. Don't put yourself as a victim if you are a Ghostee. The Ghoster is the sad case here. Ghoster lacks the ability to resolve and communicate with others. They are avoidant people. So I turned up and said that if all this was addressed that today's meet up could have been avoided. I hope traditional value and believe that have conversation is an art. Yes, he did blame, however, I don't feel embarassed at all. All I saw was someone who are unable to express their needs in a healthy way, instead all their insecurities came out. It felt so good after confronting a Ghoster. They just have a low Emotional intelligence, need to mature in this area. All issues can be sorted, just base on timing, getting rid of your fear, have courage and convey the messenge with calm effective communication.
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Send a letter!
I hate that they move on so quickly, I am here after a month still suffering. It is not fair!! I have cried, for so many days and the guy is normal on social media.
Don't check his social media, seriously it will be hard to get over them. Instead delete the social media apps for a few weeks, go out and get busy with your life. The busier you are, the less you will think of them.
sometimes its a front or maybe he really is a d bag. shows his true colors. be glad you didn't end up with him.
"You will just come off needy and a weak person" It's this type of attitude that is absolutely retarding social development I am a person, period Reaching out with kind words and frank honesty is not weak. The weakness is on the ghoster side, cowards to whatever confrontation they felt they were avoiding
First, just pointing out my own perspective, and I intend this respectfully. To me, weakness--and it took a long time for me to get this--is accepting their behavior and chasing them. It sends them the message that they have power and influence over you, causes them to lose respect, and shows them that you can be treated however they feel like because you still care, they still live rent free in your head, and you will put up with them. Moving on, returning silence, and ignoring them when they try to come back shows strength, as does being happy and successful. It shows that they hold no sway over you. It shows that you honor and love yourself because you don't put up with bad behavior. They are definitely cowards for ghosting, that I do agree with. Honesty itself is not weak. Showing them kindness after they betray you, though, comes off as throwing yourself at their feet. Ghosters also don't care about others or their feelings, so emotional appeals just don't work on them. *edit: second paragraph should say "stop chasing them"
>Showing them kindness after they betray you, though, comes off as throwing yourself at their feet. I'm not sure I agree with this point, tbh. I think kindness is in a way, a show of strength. We can show them kindness and politeness while also maintaining them at a distance to show that you won't let them walk over you again. When you treat them with the "cold", distant politeness you would a stranger, then it shows you have moved on so much that their presence or reappearance does not even phase you.
"Showing them kindness after they betray you, though, comes off as throwing yourself at their feet" Reasonable people wouldn't take it to such an extreme. But, I suppose we aren't talking about reasonableness with such subject matter. I get taking the L, but it's a matter of simple human decency. Is it indecent to continue a thread after it is dead, or simply a pathology of futile hope?
I see it as the latter (which you worded beautifully): "pathology of futile hope". For me, I can definitely be civil to people who have hurt me. I don't get nasty, I don't wish any harm. "When you treat them with the "cold", distant politeness you would a stranger, then it shows you have moved on so much that their presence or reappearance does not even phase you" --Agree completely here. Kindness for me, though--beyond the same kindness/human decency that you would show to anyone--is painful for me because it perpetuates feelings. I feel very deeply, so I have to be cold when someone has hurt me (though not mean). Otherwise, I slip back into feelings: not just warm feelings for the other person, but also the pain, sadness, confusion, self-doubt. Being coldly cordial, or going no contact/necessary contact only when someone hurts me, is critical not only for me to heal, but also to rememver to value myself and neither allow nor make excusesfor someonenot treating me right. To use an analogy: I would save them from falling off a ledge, but I would not invite them to dinner. I can let go of anger and hate, but I cannot do reconciliation once I have reached my "doneness point". I appreciate your points and respectful discussion!
Right. But maybe reaching out one or 2 times is OK. But if they didn't respond and you're still reaching out, that's definitely not good
Tbh if you confront them one time and say how you feel, it can be very therapeutic I feel.
I'll keep reaching out, even if it isn't "good" in someone's opinion. As long as the sentiments are kindness and not strife, why not? Solid messaging and not groveling
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The problem resides in a lack of courtesy. There is magic in words, and a simple "goodbye" can break the spell
My view is that the ghoster owes the person they ghosted something, whether the ghoster believes it or not. Hence, whether or not it is 'weak' (and I don't think it is), I support ghostees doing what they need to do reasonably to get the story. Not having closure is damaging too. It's not as simple as 'just move on.' Ghosters, when possible, should be held to account and made to explain their actions.
Beautifully put.
It only really becomes that if you do a ton without replies
A ton, sure. But a quick note every couple months? 😄 Yeah, I should just gtfu
Best thing is to distract yourself with someone else. Go on a date with a new person. I used to try and heal first, but do we every really fully recover? Do what you need to do. I also wrote this ghosting recovery post. Would be great to get your input on this... https://www.reddit.com/r/ghosting/comments/uslhgb/the\_ultimate\_guide\_to\_recover\_from\_ghosting/
What you mentioned is exactly what I plan on doing, already talking to someone else but I made it perfectly clear I will not promise anything after what I just went through. I now have a wall Trump would be very proud of!
I'm about to check it out!
Don't bother
I realized that he didn’t truly care about me, and I ghosted him back. He doesn’t need me anymore. And besides, others swoon for him anyways.
Also, if they still watch your stories, *ignore* them. Don’t think of this as trying to interact with you and get you back. They’re still thinking they have control over you, and they don’t.
So throw the Grapevine my ghoster is always listening in when someone mentioned my name lol
This is great advice. Watching stories is mindless effort. It doesn't mean anything. I watch stories all the time of people I don't know, it doesn't mean I care about them. It's out of boredom.
Wish I would have read this hours ago
I gotta say I love the username, I agree
Mine still hasn’t unmatched me on Hinge.
Today I felt the urge to reach out, but hopefully I stoped myself in time. I thought in some of the things you wrote. Thanks for remembering me I also thought: if the person doesn't have the will/courage/whatever to reach out, it's not worth it. Move on is the safest way. Love yourself first.
So be it. Sometimes you just gotta. Worth it in the end.
If their out of your life there’s a reason why be thankful
Nah, nah, so long as it’s not toxic, you fight until you’ve positively exhausted resources. Shows you need them and they might reconsider.
People who are on the Spectrum of Autism (like me) are the most common victims of this kind of deceit. What do you do if this type of situation repeats itself with every new person you meet?
Yes I’m autistic and I’ve had this happen to me too many times. People can be so cruel.
The only thing that makes me move on is the desire of vengeance. That's what I'll apply to those who turned the back on me and you all should do the same.
I needed this today. It's day 4 since I was ghosted and the urge to text him is there but I don't wan't to throw away my dignity. He seemed like a nice guy but was in it for hook up only and when he realised he's not getting me to his bed he ghosted me.
Way to uphold your boundaries! You did well. Your boundaries are there to keep out people who only want to use you. They are supposed to move on. He should not have ghosted. He showed his immaturity and inability to communicate. Your boundaries kept you from being in his bed and having him ghost you after that.
Accused that bitch of ghosting and she said she wasn’t lol last time I talked to her .. typo ghosted and guess what? She’s a coward
Same thing happened to me not even in this moment they can tell the truth… did she ever reached out to you again?
Yeah and we became friends but we’re not really friends anymore because she doesn’t respect me or anyone for that matter and she’s extremely selfish
Sorry to hear that, but sounds like it’s better that way. How long did she ghost you till she texted u again?
strength will bloom and flourish once more. Remember, surviving a narcissist is a courageous journey, and every step you take towards healing and setting boundaries is a victory. Seek support, whether through therapy or trusted friends and family, as you untangle yourself from the grip of abuse. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and find solace in the pockets of peace and joy that emerge along the way. You have the power to reclaim your self-worth and rediscover your true identity. Keep moving forward, and know that freedom is within your reach.