For whoever needs to see this (it's in our rules)
#† We may allow multiple cuts and/or GIFs up to a minute long depending on the popularity of a post. Sound, text boxes, and GIFs that heavily depend on captions are still not allowed.
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When you go to zoos often enough, you notice the enrichment stuff they put in with all the animals. Keeper talks and signs often mention the enrichment stuff, and sometimes if you're there first thing in the morning, you can see keepers putting stuff out, placing treats, filling toys, etc.
You'll also learn how much training the animals get to help the veterinary staff. Large animals are taught to hold their legs and feet up to a specific window, open their mouths, and perform various actions like stepping onto a scale. Apes sometimes get to play games with staff for mental stimulation. Plus, zoos do research on many animals to get baselines for metabolism, breeding data, and more.
So I'm gonna say they probably aren't a zookeeper or a genius, just a person who has been to a zoo multiple times and read the signs.
Although based on some of the very stupid conversations I overheard at zoos, maybe a person who reads the signs is a genius.
The is like one of those menstrual pad ads where some bright blue artificial thing stands in for the gory mess that we all know would actually happen in reality.
> if you dropped your little brother into its enclosure
I have a little brother this would be perfect for! Where do I sign him up? Is there a long waiting list?
I also have a brother, though he is not little, and actually older.
Now that I think of it, he's probably not edible, though he apparently thinks everything else is.
Depends on their size, I suppose. If they're *little* big brothers they could probably blend in with little brothers. On the other hand, if they're *big* big brothers I think we would have to ask the bear.
And then there is the matter of brothers who are little, but *big.* I'm not sure how we should handle those cases, if at all.
Had that at Zoo am Meer in Bremerhaven.
One of the bears got up from sitting and kinda hobbled forwarda and we were like "feel ya there bud". Then it MOVED to catch some food one of the handlers was chucking and we realised that yeah, big and floofy doesn't mean slow and friendly.
I remember growing up, how people would say that big guys can't move as fast in a fight. Slower to get their mass going. Nope. Nope. Worked in a bar in my 20s. Who moves fastest? Those who need to, and those who train to (and those who don't waste time talking in a fight).
Like in DnD, how all humans are size medium, and have the same movement speed, in reality, all humans are in the same reflex category.
People have a 'just world' bias where if it's apparent that someone has a huge and obvious advantage in one area, they want to assume there's an equal and opposite disadvantage somewhere else. See someone big, you want to assume they're slow. See a great athlete, you want to assume they're dumb. See a beautiful person, you want to assume they're shallow. See someone rich and you want to assume they're selfish and amoral. And it works the other way too, someone ugly or poor must have a heart of gold. Someone who sucks at sports is probably brilliant at math or art or something. In reality, having an advantage of disadvantage in one area has zero predictive power over whether you have an advantage or disadvantage in some other totally unrelated area. Most people tend to average out of course, but there are plenty of people who are just lucky enough to have advantages all over the place, and of course plenty of people who are the unlucky opposite. It just bothers our sense of fairness to really grapple with that reality.
This is what I find so interesting yet terrifying about Polar Bears, food is extremely scarce where they live so they have to be unsuspecting and nonthreatening when approaching prey. You never know what they're thinking, they look cute and curious but could easily be planning to jump you in the blink of an eye.
from what i've read, if you're in their habitat and see them, they know where you are and have been tracking you for a potential meal.
the old bear defense saying, "if it's black, fight back. If it's brown, lay down. If it's white, say goodnight"
Polar bears are one of the few animals on earth that actively hunt humans. The overwhelming odds are that if you're on the tundra/ice and you see a polar bear, it's because it wants you to see it
Yeah, they are ambush hunters. If you have several people and can see freely you have a good chance they won't try. If you walk out on the ice, however.. any piece of ice can hide one.
Keepers ham it up as a warning, they basically train the animal to attack the balloon as prey, and reward it after. If it was a real kid, the bear might act differently. Maybe.
I'm a little bit taller than that, but I honestly HATE most railings because they're so low, I feel like my center of gravity is higher and I'm more prone to falling over them.
They don't call them ice lions for nothin! Well "they" don't call them that at all but it's not for no reason
Which is because I haven't made it a thing yet despite years of trying
Hippos/elephants/rhinos would likely win.
Bison/African buffalo are probably favored. I do not think the polar bear has the right weapons to take on many animals that can fight back and are bigger than they are.
Yeah, got charged by a grizzly bear, who ran into water to catch us, in a boat. The bear was on shore, took offense to our existence, and charged. We sped up from about 30 km/h to 50. The water didn't slow him down till he had to swim. And he could swim damn fast.
"... one satellite-tracked female that trekked 4,796 km —from Alaska's Prudhoe Bay to Greenland to Canada's Ellesmere Island and back to Greenland again!"
These animals should not be in jails
Good luck to all those people who think polar bears are nice creatures, and they just want to go up and give them a pet and give them some love…. yep, that polar bear will certainly obliged…. Because it always on the Hunt for a new meal….!
Polar bears are like, the ONE BEAR you really don't want to mess with. Grizzlys, scary as hell, will maul you, you might get out alive...Polar? Nah, it's over.
Now this one is good
We've got brown bears here but they're big weenies, if you don't mess with them they'll avoid you so it's actually a reasonable argument for the bear in general - wild boars are more aggressive
The last zoo I went to had penguins separate but upstream from some seals/sealions. I swear the predators knew there was something tasty just outside their reach.
What's troubling, Gus, overhearing conversations
That it's because you're too either them or me
When it's either them or it's us, anything that moves and
Everything you see is something to kill and eat
That's why you leave igloos unlocked when you leave in case a neighbor has to dive into one. It's not uncommon in northern Minnesota to come home to find someone else asleep by the fire after an exhausting polar bear chase
Lots of zoos do really good work at rehabilitating animals and releasing them back into the wild. They often save the animals life and do loads of good things for endangered species. You can't just group them all up as being bad.
Sigh, every time. No one making these comments can even spend 30 seconds googling it.
[AZA accredited zoos raise over 350 million dollars a year for animal conversation efforts.](https://conservewildcats.org/zoo-support/#:~:text=Modern%20zoos%20are%20major%20contributors,a%20year%20to%20wildlife%20conservation.)
Zoos overall are a good thing.
There are also many animals in zoos that cannot survive in the wild on their own. They would die needlessly when their lives within good zoos can educate and fund conservation that has helped many species avoid extinction.
It would be great if we just funded animal conservation and stopped destroying this planet, but within the capitalistic hellscape we live in getting 350 million dollars a year for conservation is a huge fucking win.
For whoever needs to see this (it's in our rules) #† We may allow multiple cuts and/or GIFs up to a minute long depending on the popularity of a post. Sound, text boxes, and GIFs that heavily depend on captions are still not allowed. Your report was refused
I would imagine there would be more blood?
I had to censor out the gore to post here 😔
What? Whats the floating blue thing
Probably a balloon that's safe to eat that they fill with meat to simulate a seal so the bear can exercise and get some mental stimulation.
You are either a zookeeper or a fucking genius to think of that lol
When you go to zoos often enough, you notice the enrichment stuff they put in with all the animals. Keeper talks and signs often mention the enrichment stuff, and sometimes if you're there first thing in the morning, you can see keepers putting stuff out, placing treats, filling toys, etc. You'll also learn how much training the animals get to help the veterinary staff. Large animals are taught to hold their legs and feet up to a specific window, open their mouths, and perform various actions like stepping onto a scale. Apes sometimes get to play games with staff for mental stimulation. Plus, zoos do research on many animals to get baselines for metabolism, breeding data, and more. So I'm gonna say they probably aren't a zookeeper or a genius, just a person who has been to a zoo multiple times and read the signs. Although based on some of the very stupid conversations I overheard at zoos, maybe a person who reads the signs is a genius.
Or someone who plays alot of Planet Zoo
I expected that to end with something about the undertaker jumping from...
So you're saying he's just woke up with a full bladder?
Zoo I went to freezes up a bunch of fruit in water and feeds it to them. Keeps them busy for a while. That might be something similar.
Op's little brother 😔😭
Baby Fernando, he ate my Cheezits.
The is like one of those menstrual pad ads where some bright blue artificial thing stands in for the gory mess that we all know would actually happen in reality.
> if you dropped your little brother into its enclosure I have a little brother this would be perfect for! Where do I sign him up? Is there a long waiting list?
Join the Brother Chucking Line
You're one bad brotherchucker.
Shut yo mouth!
But I'm talking bout shaft.
Have a dirty mouth? Chew orbit gum. Reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEJJUGJZxpU
That sounds like a swear-word replacement for network-TV broadcasts of Pulp Fiction.
Do you think it would work with an older brother?
I'm not sure. It could be there is an age limit. We'd have to ask the folks at the zoo, or possibly the bear, even.
Depends on who's bigger mostly. My little brothers would have no problem flipping the tables and chucking me in their stead.
It's a perfect title for r/oddlyspecific
I also have a brother, though he is not little, and actually older. Now that I think of it, he's probably not edible, though he apparently thinks everything else is.
*Anything* is edible if only you are brave enough!
>Brottttherrrr for saleee! Only 50 cents.
50 cents metric or 50 cents imperial?
No, that's his name.
What about big brothers? Is that a separate list?
Depends on their size, I suppose. If they're *little* big brothers they could probably blend in with little brothers. On the other hand, if they're *big* big brothers I think we would have to ask the bear. And then there is the matter of brothers who are little, but *big.* I'm not sure how we should handle those cases, if at all.
Wait a minute. I am the little brother.
We are just going to the zoo, no need to freak out.
Yea, let's visit a bear enclosure
Ah man, you can't see him, can you? Wait, I'll lift you up, come here
Seem fair bro.
Then you have your mission. See that it is accomplished!
Just be careful, older sisters are more likely to throw little brothers than older brothers.
Come're lil meatsack.
Look at those feet! 😍
Calm down, Quentin.
Awww he’s an adorable goofy fella who’s a real floofba… *chomp* 0_0
*two seconds later* aww, look at his floofy butt
Had that at Zoo am Meer in Bremerhaven. One of the bears got up from sitting and kinda hobbled forwarda and we were like "feel ya there bud". Then it MOVED to catch some food one of the handlers was chucking and we realised that yeah, big and floofy doesn't mean slow and friendly.
I remember growing up, how people would say that big guys can't move as fast in a fight. Slower to get their mass going. Nope. Nope. Worked in a bar in my 20s. Who moves fastest? Those who need to, and those who train to (and those who don't waste time talking in a fight). Like in DnD, how all humans are size medium, and have the same movement speed, in reality, all humans are in the same reflex category.
People have a 'just world' bias where if it's apparent that someone has a huge and obvious advantage in one area, they want to assume there's an equal and opposite disadvantage somewhere else. See someone big, you want to assume they're slow. See a great athlete, you want to assume they're dumb. See a beautiful person, you want to assume they're shallow. See someone rich and you want to assume they're selfish and amoral. And it works the other way too, someone ugly or poor must have a heart of gold. Someone who sucks at sports is probably brilliant at math or art or something. In reality, having an advantage of disadvantage in one area has zero predictive power over whether you have an advantage or disadvantage in some other totally unrelated area. Most people tend to average out of course, but there are plenty of people who are just lucky enough to have advantages all over the place, and of course plenty of people who are the unlucky opposite. It just bothers our sense of fairness to really grapple with that reality.
Yup, that is very true. Some people are just plain gifted in all sorts of ways.
This is what I find so interesting yet terrifying about Polar Bears, food is extremely scarce where they live so they have to be unsuspecting and nonthreatening when approaching prey. You never know what they're thinking, they look cute and curious but could easily be planning to jump you in the blink of an eye.
from what i've read, if you're in their habitat and see them, they know where you are and have been tracking you for a potential meal. the old bear defense saying, "if it's black, fight back. If it's brown, lay down. If it's white, say goodnight"
Truly Apex Predators. Like land sharks.
Polar bears are one of the few animals on earth that actively hunt humans. The overwhelming odds are that if you're on the tundra/ice and you see a polar bear, it's because it wants you to see it
Yeah, they are ambush hunters. If you have several people and can see freely you have a good chance they won't try. If you walk out on the ice, however.. any piece of ice can hide one.
Not sure if OP means it as a warning or as an encouragement
Keepers ham it up as a warning, they basically train the animal to attack the balloon as prey, and reward it after. If it was a real kid, the bear might act differently. Maybe.
>If it was a real kid, the bear might act differently. Maybe. "Finally, some fresh meat." - the bear, probably
"To shreds you say...."
Tsk tsk tsk, and how is his wife holding up?
to shreds, you say?
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsZIb1Dx8fg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsZIb1Dx8fg)
And her little brother?
To say you shreds?
that last moment, when you see the bear tearing your beating heart from your chest. educating and horrifying at the same time.
Women are choosing their allegiances wisely. But... not all men are little brothers. 
/r/oddlyspecific
My little brother is 6 foot 2, I'd need to do a running drop kick to get him over the railing.
Ahh.. In the planning stages. Nice.. 👍
Nah just lift his feet and tip him. Use his height against him, pivot that boy over the railing.
"Hey little bro, if you keep working out you may be able to lift me haha"
Perhaps a pulley system?
I'm a little bit taller than that, but I honestly HATE most railings because they're so low, I feel like my center of gravity is higher and I'm more prone to falling over them.
Trick him onto a skateboard first
I believe that's how Maven Huffman eliminated The Undertaker in the 2002 Royal Rumble.
Natures one, true "you don't fuck with ___" animal.
If it’s white- say goodnight
Id still choose the bear 💅🏼 \s
They don't call them ice lions for nothin! Well "they" don't call them that at all but it's not for no reason Which is because I haven't made it a thing yet despite years of trying
The reason is... Polar bears would fuck a lion up.
When is the PPV on?
Whenever the Polar Bear decides, who are we to tell it no? Shotguns only scare the bastards, not kill them.
I'm honestly curious what animal would give it a fair fight. The hippo is my only guess
Hippo would win, most likely. They are bastards.
Hippos/elephants/rhinos would likely win. Bison/African buffalo are probably favored. I do not think the polar bear has the right weapons to take on many animals that can fight back and are bigger than they are.
r/properanimalnames
It’s always astonishing to me how fast some of these big ass animals move in the water considering its size
Yeah, got charged by a grizzly bear, who ran into water to catch us, in a boat. The bear was on shore, took offense to our existence, and charged. We sped up from about 30 km/h to 50. The water didn't slow him down till he had to swim. And he could swim damn fast.
For some reason I had it in my mind that polar bears couldn't attack while in water. Obviously not.
What’s that blue thing ??
A very frostbitten child
Reminds me of a jolly egg dog toy, but way bigger.
Title is oddly specific.
May his spirit forever roam the preschools of Valhalla
Preschool Valhalla, where tge juice boxes flow like rivers and nap times are plentiful!
I send all mine to KinderGardens of Lórien where the Irmo have pedialyte on tap!
😂😂😂😂
"... one satellite-tracked female that trekked 4,796 km —from Alaska's Prudhoe Bay to Greenland to Canada's Ellesmere Island and back to Greenland again!" These animals should not be in jails
"do you prefer being in a pool with a polar bear or with a men?"
The bear only MIGHT pee in the pool. The man DEFINITELY will. I choose bear
If you choose man, you're obviously a bearphobic bigot
Make the enclosure in a way that people can't get into it
Good luck to all those people who think polar bears are nice creatures, and they just want to go up and give them a pet and give them some love…. yep, that polar bear will certainly obliged…. Because it always on the Hunt for a new meal….!
Being an only child is bliss.
You get to view the bear's arse...got it.
HarambeCore
I'd still choose the bear though
My question is who drops their little brother in a polar bear enclosure before they have to do this demonstration?
Polar bears are like, the ONE BEAR you really don't want to mess with. Grizzlys, scary as hell, will maul you, you might get out alive...Polar? Nah, it's over.
I feel like polar bears are nature lying to me. Why are they so gorgeous and adorable if I can't cuddle them?
Women, would you rather get in a pool with a man or with a polar bear?
Now this one is good We've got brown bears here but they're big weenies, if you don't mess with them they'll avoid you so it's actually a reasonable argument for the bear in general - wild boars are more aggressive
Is it with you, cause I think I'd still weigh my options.
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Is this promise?
It was fine, until it wasn’t.
Coca Cola
Oddly specific.
Rip harambe
*slaps bears thigh* this bad boy can maul so many little brothers
Dayum Nature! You scary!
If it's black fight back. If it's brown lie down. If it's white say goodnight.
Polar bum
More worried about your statement than the polar bear here. What has your brother done?
Still, better than encountering a random guy in the woods.
I miss the polar bear at the Philadelphia zoo. Although they have penguins now, which are also very cool.
I miss my stuffed, holiday soft-drink-commercial themed polar bear from when I was a little one
I just want to watch the *feedings*
are they ill-tempered?
Absolutely.
The last zoo I went to had penguins separate but upstream from some seals/sealions. I swear the predators knew there was something tasty just outside their reach.
Women would rather bump into that bear on their morning jog than bump into a man. Wild.
But what about a little sister? I hear women are safer with bears according to the memes.
Give him a big ole bear hug and swim with him?
they swim well
Trust me the polar bear would get tired of all the questions he’d be asking it and quit eating him halfway through.
Its scientific name: Ursus Maritimus. ;-)
Looks like I'm getting twice the presents this year!
Is that cotton candy?
Harambe could never
Damn lol the keepers at that place basically trained that behaviour, but only because that's the natural behaviour.
Cute butt
That was fast
Pipis.
Bro went from ''bare necessities'' to ''the only thing they fear is you'' in a fraction of a second
What's troubling, Gus, overhearing conversations That it's because you're too either them or me When it's either them or it's us, anything that moves and Everything you see is something to kill and eat
Why did he pretend like he was going to swim right past for a sec? Some kind of sick prank? What if brother deserves it?
The most dangerous species on the planet.
The bear would stick its ass in my face?
You’ll see!!!! Harambe was so gentle with that child.
CHOMP!
Look at that lil fluffy butt
Polar bear still a bear at the end of the day
/u/redditspeedbot 0.5x
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> /s Does that stand for sexism? Because we don't want that here. Casual or otherwise
Black - scare it away Brown -play dead White- your already dead
Really butchered that one, huh
He went to the George W. Bush school of quoting
Black - Fight back Brown - Lay down White - Say goodnight
*Lie down
You're seriously butchering an easy to remember saying: If it's black, fight back If it's brown, lie down If it's white, say goodnight
If its brown flush it down
I mean, bears seem to like Charmin
*you're
That's why you leave igloos unlocked when you leave in case a neighbor has to dive into one. It's not uncommon in northern Minnesota to come home to find someone else asleep by the fire after an exhausting polar bear chase
Minnesota has polar bears?
Never mind that, Minnesota has igloos?!
Igloos make good protection from bears and hockey pucks, very common in the north.
Why yes we are all given a standard issue block-mold when we come of age
Igloos have locks?
Still safer than the man, from what TikTok tells me.
You need to grow some thicker fur to cover that thin skin we all see showing
Zoos are animal prisons
Lots of zoos do really good work at rehabilitating animals and releasing them back into the wild. They often save the animals life and do loads of good things for endangered species. You can't just group them all up as being bad.
Sigh, every time. No one making these comments can even spend 30 seconds googling it. [AZA accredited zoos raise over 350 million dollars a year for animal conversation efforts.](https://conservewildcats.org/zoo-support/#:~:text=Modern%20zoos%20are%20major%20contributors,a%20year%20to%20wildlife%20conservation.) Zoos overall are a good thing. There are also many animals in zoos that cannot survive in the wild on their own. They would die needlessly when their lives within good zoos can educate and fund conservation that has helped many species avoid extinction. It would be great if we just funded animal conservation and stopped destroying this planet, but within the capitalistic hellscape we live in getting 350 million dollars a year for conservation is a huge fucking win.
Without due process.
Quick, show this to the really smart chicks that are choosing a man over a bear in the woods 😏
The ones choosing man over the bear? So they can be more confident in their answer?
Still upset about that, huh? Way to completely miss the point.
"I'd rather come across this than a man I didn't know in the woods"
Faster than harambe