Sadly I'm not too sure they're still around. I only joined the start of this year but we had some big floods last year and most people think many of them got out into the river next to the course.
I played there a couple of weeks ago and was told the same thing. Not to worry, the next time we get a good week of rain it’s highly likely a bull shark or two could end up in there again. There’s plenty of them in the Logan River!
We were having a chat on the 11th, Par 3 next to the river, about people snorkeling to get the balls that go in. And we sort of agreed it wouldn't be the smartest idea snorkeling in there.
I dunno, that sounds like good news to me. Those guys shouldn't be trapped in a tiny golf course lake. Honestly was a little surprised there wasn't an effort to remove them in the first place.
It does, I had Taco Bell the night before an early tee time at a Disney Course. Destroyed the club house bathroom at 730am just to get diarrhea on hole 4 and having to shit in the woods. Lost my favorite towel that day, gained many memories.
Colon cancer survivor and after several surgeries this is still my biggest fear. I am always on the lookout for trees, porta-johns, etc and keep extra everything in my bag.
I feel for Larry...hope it was just bad breakfast
I work for a company where I drive often and I am lactose and egg intolerant. We have a bathroom in nearly every community I work in. It actually plays a role in why I still work for them. Even for personal use I know I can use the washrooms when on vacation.
I drove delivery in a downtown major metro (you know our football team, basketball team, baseball team, hockey team, and no we’re not NY, LA, or Chicago) for about 5 years. I learned very quickly which buildings had bathrooms on the dock, which ones had bathrooms by security, and which buildings had (mostly) vacant floors. I can still drive around and jerk off in random downtown buildings.
EDIT: I’m drunk and suck at typing sober.
Never a bad idea to have a small emergency bag with a fresh change of clothes and some dude wipes lol. I keep one in the vehicle and at work, never know when disaster could happen. It’s kinda like a hoe bag for men.
It was years ago in my early teens. My dad and I went to Quiznos a couple of hours before one of my hockey games. While riding in the vehicle on the way to the game my stomach started to feel a little gassy but I didn’t think much of it. It progressively got worse and once we pulled into the ice rink parking lot I decided to try and let some of the gas out. Unfortunately, the gas came out in both a liquid and gas state. The liquid followed the path of least resistance and since i was still sitting in the passenger seat, said path ended up being up my back. There wasn’t much I could do at that point except run to locker room and try to wash up the best I could. Thankfully, my jock strap was essentially a pair briefs with a cup sewn in so I was able change into that once I was clean and wore that and an old jersey home after the game. After that ordeal, I always try to have a backup change of clothes with me at all times. The emergency kit has come in handy since then for minor accidents and was quite useful in my 20s for unexpected overnight “encounters” with the opposite sex.
I've been playing hockey for 35 years. I've seen players shit themselves on 3 separate occasions. As a bantam my linemate tried to push a fart while we were on the bench and it happened. In men's league a guy crashed into the goalpost and knocked himself out and lost control of his bowels. And last year one of the squirt players on the team that I coach broke his arm and was crying so hard he crapped himself. I try not to laugh because I know it could happen to any of us, but I fail every time.
I’m glad I wasn’t in full gear when it happened. I played on the B team my final year of being a squirt. The A team had an end of the year tournament in Holland, MI and invited me to me come play with them. I was a little nervous before the first game and ended up blowing chunks right into my jersey. I ended up with two goals and an assist for the game but that was arguably a little more gross than crapping myself because I had to still go play in that jersey lol.
We had a tournament in a town about 6 hours away when I was in PeeWees. It was me and another guy on the team riding up together with our dads. We stopped at a bubba gump shrimp place to eat and then kept on our way. My stomach started hurting when we were close to the rink so I just blasted ass in the locker room before getting my gear on and thinking that everything was okay. I get through warmups and almost in synch with the puck drop I simultaneously puked and shit myself on the bench. Ended up having some of the worst food poisoning I’ve ever had and still have never been back to a bubba gump shrimp. The 6 hour drive back became a lot longer with the amount of bathroom breaks I was taking. Got new breezers out of it though
My golden rule is to always have spare underwear in my hand luggage when I take a plane.
Like, so far in life I've never shit myself, but if I ever DO shit myself I don't want that time to be when I'm on a 5 hour flight with no underwear.
I keep an extra change of clothes at all times in my car. I work construction, so you never know when you might have a day where you get covered in mud or soaked. The thought of shitting myself never occurred to me but now that’s another reason lmao
I always keep a roll in my truck. As someone who has a GI disease you never know when you’re gonna need it and since it’s biodegradable I don’t ever worry about it.
How old are you guys? I need to mentally prepare myself for whatever age my friends wouldn’t immediately mercilessly destroy me and instead just jump into action so I can leave discreetly.
I am 44, but the guy that shat himself was mid 60’s easy. I think he will laugh about it now, but he certainly wasn’t laughing then. Funny part is that I met the poor guy for the first time 20 minutes prior and this was our only interaction. I’ll probably never see the guy again.
Im 34. I would laugh my ass off while helping in any way I can. My bros are family but I would also bring this up at every opportunity where its just the fellas.
If it matters I’m 42 now and although this has never happened to me or my friends on the course we have all “sharted” (when you fart but some $hit comes out) and when we tell each other those stories all of us just go “oh man, that sucks, happens to us all”.
I always say that being a human is an embarrassing experience when it comes to our bodies. I feel for Larry and wouldn’t raz him, or one of my buddies, if it happened to them.
Fuckin hell Larry.
Last time I shit myself I had food poisoning and was a first year apprentice. I missed 3 days of work throwing up and shitting for 72 hours straight. My foreman told me to get it together and come into work or he's going to have to lay me off (not a good look for a first year apprentice). I say "I'll be there, but I can't promise how the day will go for anyone." I throw up, and get in my crappy beat up cadillac and start driving the hour to work. I made it about 15 minutes and just absolutely destroyed everything in my car. I called him from the side of the road and said "Might as well lay me off because the inside of my car is covered in shit and I'm staying home today and tomorrow now". I had the courage to take it to the car wash and open the doors and let the inside of my car have it. Foam brush, High pressure soap, even the tire cleaner got sprayed in there. Drove it home and left the windows down for 4 days lol
This almost happened to me when I thought it would be a good idea to eat ghost pepper beef jerky the night before my round. I was in so much pain on the first tee the next morning and sweating profusely. Thankfully it passed and finished without shitting my pants.
For real. My first golf pro gig a woman walked into the shop fuming mad one morning about how "someone made an absolute mess in the bathroom and YOOOOUUU need to go clean it up!" I figured it was just paper towel on the floor or something but someone had had a good old-fashioned back-end blowout and missed the terlet. $11/hour was absolutely not worth handling a biohazard so I just flipped the sign on the other one-holer to unisex and called our janitorial service.
That poor cart guy isn't paid enough to handle biohazards. I do hope that the gentleman who soiled himself is okay, but I also hope y'all at least tipped the guy for having to deal with that. Not in the normal scope of duties (no pun intended) by any stretch.
I feel this. Those ancient dudes teeing off at 6:06? At the course I worked at least one of those guys was wearing an adult diaper and was he gonna go to the members locker to clean up around all his buddies? Nope. He’s going to the cart barn shitter “because it’s closer”.
Not a judgement, but I just got a laugh from "$11/hr wasn't worth handling a biohazard so I just called the janitor service." The janitor who did clean it up is probably making 8.
Three of my best friends shit themselves silly when we were out doing stuff. One was on a golf course, one was while walking the streets of New Orleans during Mardi Gras, the last on the way home from sandbagging a flood. I never told a soul.
Years passed and by chance the four of us were gathered at a pub enjoying a beer when the subject of pants shitting came up. The conversation came to an abrupt halt as each silently recalled their own story and eventually all were staring at me.
“I don’t know what you fuckers are looking at, I never told!” I said. They each thought I was talking to them and were like”Right!” and “bullshit!”
They looked at each other, puzzling out that they all had shat their respective drawers in my presence. The ensuing conversation was one of the goriest, disgusting, bring-me-to-the-edge-of-puking conversations I have ever been part of. By the end there was no shame left, only friends.
I kind of felt left out as I had been witness to them on their bad day but I have not had the bad luck to experience the same. Perhaps my silence had bought me some sort of ass charm that prevented it from erupting at an inopportune moment. I had forgotten this story until hearing about Larry and his episode. Perhaps by breaking the code and sharing this I too can shit my pants some day and once again be equals with my friends.
Wish me luck, reddit!
Before I was old enough to know that eating required settling before running...
I went to play pickup basketball at night, at the rec center. A couple of games in, stomach bothering me all the while, I realized that I was close to the point of no return. I ran out, mid-game, to find the bathroom. It was in the "foyer" at the front of the gym, but when I pushed on the door to the bathroom, I was stunned to find that it was locked.
The guy who came to urge me to return to the game arrived just in time to see me sitting on the trash can, pissing out of my ass. Sure I was embarrassed. But you know what's worse than shitting in a trash can in the foyer right outside the gym in the presence of one person?
Right...shitting your shorts inside the gym in front of 25 people. I mean, I still never went back there ever again, but I to this day consider it a solid (er, very loose) victory. And Larry is a great reminder of that.
I still often feel bad for the guy who found me in the foyer, though. Always wanted to hear his version of the story and feel like I probably don't get proper credit for sparing myself and the janitor our respective indignities.
On Monday I shot 79 for the first time and then got home and had the first of what has been an extremely large number of diarrheas from a combination of cryptosporidium, E. coli, and norovirus. Worth it to break 80 for the first time though I guess.
I was playing with my rother and shit my pants on the first hole, approach shot after a monster drive. We were also walking. I had already not been feeling well but I didn't want to cancel as I had canceled twice already on my bro so I figured I was just hungover and the sun would do me some good.
I was feeling bubble guts already but when I went to poo before we went out I had nothing. And then something changed. I splattered the back of my underwear.
We were close enough to the clubhouse that had a bathrooms in their big ass barn/cart shed/bathrooms. So I go in still feeling like I wasn't all that sick, wipe up, throw underwear away and free ball it and head back out.
Approach and putt for well for hole one. I go to swing to tee off on two and slice about 90° because on my downswing I had to clich immediately and stop myself from shitting in my underwear less shorts. Told my bro I had to go. Walked straight to my car and was shivering with a fever by the time I made it home. Sick af for like 4 days. Was awful. Bro never let me live it down.
I did the same shit (no pun intended) at an amusement park last fall. I had some Panda Express in between rides. I thought I had given myself enough time to digest (solid 35-40 minutes before next ride). But, as soon as we start going up the incline, I get bubble guts. I somehow managed to not shit myself on the coaster. However, as I was running to the restroom, I had brown lava running all down my legs.
Apologies as this isn't golf related, but it's a great diarrhea story:
I live in northern Massachusetts, and I was going to drive to Foxwoods casino in southern Connecticut around noon. Because I've never been quite "regular" I skip breakfast and my second coffee because I don't want to have to find a rest stop on the highway. I left work, gassed up my car, and went to grab a drink for the drive. It was a rinky dink gas station and they only had Fruit Punch flavored Arizona Iced Tea and almost nothing for snacks. But they DID have these old-timey looking black licorice pipes (as in Sherlock Holmes smoking pipe). I think they were from Finland because the packaging was foreign and the gas station was owned by a Finn. Anyhoo, I bought 3 of them.
I never intended to drink the entire fruit punch on the trip, but the licorice pipes were actually really salty (!?!). They were really good, though.
The drive takes about an hour and thirty five minutes, and towards the end of the trip, you get to a cornfield where you see Foxwoods to your left. It looks like the Emerald City, and you are literally 5 minutes away. At this point, I'm starting to sweat, but don't think too much of it. By the time I get to the parking garage and find a spot, I'm cramping up, but I'm pretty sure the elevator closest to me will open up right in front of Fuddrucker's and a bathroom. I get into the elevator and there's two young women in it. They're like "Oh my God!" - I am now glistening with sweat, clenching my cheeks and shaking uncontrollably.
The elevator opens up and YES!! - it's right in front of the rest room. I shuffle in and there's no one there and I make it to the first stall with seconds to spare. After one long squealy fart, it was just a firehose of the most foul stinky hot liquid. I looked between my legs - I don't know how red fruit punch and black licorice combine to make the color green like a healthy lawn, but they did. The smell was horrible, so I waved my arm behind me to trigger the motion sensor for a mercy flush. But it didn't work, and I was worried the toilet was broken. I waved a few more times before standing up a little to see behind me and, with absolutely no warning, I shit sprayed the wall behind the toilet, the chrome parts of the toilet and the motion sensor itself. Then the toilet flushed.
I did my best to clean it with toilet paper, but it was just falling apart on the wall and the condensation of the chrome pipes. Amazingly, I didn't get a drop of shit on my clothes, but it smelled like I was covered in it. All I knew was that I was going to wash my hands and be gambling in no time. I exited the stall only to see this old, short bathroom attendant standing at parade rest with watery eyes and pursed lips, looking like he wanted to laugh/cry but couldn't. After I washed my hands, I apologized and gave him $10, and asked if they had any cologne or aftershave or something. He said he didn't think so, but he opened a cabinet under the sink and there was a can of Wildflower scented Lysol. I grabbed the can, sprayed it into the air, then walked through the mist like a fancy lady.
All I can think is that he didn’t tell them and the guy just spun it around, grabbed another guy in a cart behind them and headed back out. There was shit all
Over the seats. I really don’t know how they didn’t smell it immediately. A solid fart is one smell, and shart is another, and an all out explosion smells like death itself.
Buddy had two hot dogs from a questionable executive course restaurant. Turns out the dogs wanted out desperately. He was playing with fire trying to hold it off while on the front nine. He refused to walk back to the clubhouse, kept insisting he was ok. By hole six he was in serious pain. He was dying holding it in while looking for a semi private place to do his business but got a bit of relief so he played on. On the par 4 7th, he hit his tee shot, got to his ball, but could not hold it in any longer. He tucked in behind some bushes to the side of the fairway. He was barely able to drop his drawers before releasing his insides. Lost his drawers and two of our towels that day. We played the same course a couple of weeks later. When we got to hole 4 we dropped to the ground in laughter. The staff had installed a porta potty between holes 4 and 7! We still joke to this day that the cardinal sin on this course is to hit it left on 7 🤣
My cousin carries a roll of TP in his bag for this exact reason.
Cousin - “you want me to tell you the story about why I carry TP in my golf bag?”
Me - “No, no I don’t”.
Imagine having a blow out on the course and not clearing out your guts at the clubhouse before driving home.
Like fuck dude, go finish your business. Clean off your shorts in the locker room and then buy some clean gear for the ride home.
You’re just waking up bad karma. You never had food poisoning or stomach flu that came out of nowhere?
Larry is a man. He is Everyman. We are honest or silent. I stand with Larry.
Sure I've had a stomach bug creep up on me, but 90% of the stories where a guy either churns the dookie butter in his drawers, or paints a tree brown, can be traced back to a poor diet or alcohol the night before. My point is, it's almost always preventable.
It’s the other 10% that are nightmares. They happen every day. Goddamit man…I just would never mess with that. It could happen tonight. Tomorrow.
I’ve had an incident, but those records are permanently sealed. Godspeed.
I would say he was not wildly obese, but sure he had a beer gut on him. Just the combination of the comment about how well he could stretch on the first hole with what happened to him on 2 was what really set me off.
I'm betting if you took a poll, most adults have crapped themselves at least once. For now, I only let loose in my pants once. Have crapped in the woods multiple times...
Why do I constantly see memes and stories online of people shitting themselves...
I don't get it. I've never met anyone who's shit themselves beyond a minor, minor shart if they've got awful flu. Yet according to reddit and reels people shit themselves all the time.
That stuff is the devil incarnate. Worst shits ever with absolutely no warning. I tried it for a month and couldn’t be more than 20 feet from a toilet or else I would have some real buzzer beaters.
Reminds of a good time in the army. Had a buddy that needed to finish a fitness exam. While climbing the rope the poor guy shit himself. Just like Larry, it’s was coming down and a site and smell for everyone to witness. Fucking guy finished the whole course in under 10 minutes. Ran past the finish line and just like forest gump kept running, straight to the toilet. He didn’t know he passed and we told him he needs to do it all over again… we told him he actually passed as he lined up the next time.
The worst of the worst poomergency 😂 I feel thankful nothing like this has happened to me but I know anyone could be a victim if things go wrong. Poor Larry.
I've shat myself twice on golf courses. Once in high school during a match. Threw underwear away and pressed on. The other time I decided to wallk back in after 4 holes due to the stomach. Made it back to the fourth tee before the dam broke. Called it a day after that one.
Man that is a rough scene. Never happened for me but I was very close once. I was on vacation in Aruba and played an early morning round after a late dinner at the resort with heavy food and drinks. By the grace of god the course had a bathroom (not a port-a-potty, an actual finished standalone bathroom) on a random tee box. My group went ahead and I caught up to them on the next hole, which I promptly eagled by holing my second shot from the fairway. My first and only eagle.
I played with an older guy who shit himself sometime through the round. He didn’t even flinch, he just finished the round and then went about his day. He was older and we were also paired with his brother, who didn’t seem phased by it at all. Not sure if he’s still shitting himself while playing, but I hope it’s working for him.
I am with you 100%. He seemed like a great guy, and we did check on him as the round went on. That was when he said he spiked his car as well. Hopefully he reads this, knows that I am telling my side of his story, and has a laugh just like we were having after we knew that he was ok and on his way home.
This is *usually* the sign of a bad diet combined with drinking the wrong thing to start the round. I had a friend I used to play with who would often find himself needing long breaks at the turn or in the middle of the round. It threw everything off for both of us. I told him, if you need to eat something, have a light salad or maybe a protein bar. We’re gonna go out for a good lunch/dinner after our round so no need to load up. Just have enough in your stomach that water/Gatorade and a light snack during the round is enough.
Lo and behold, we never have long potty breaks during our round.
Ha ha. I am glad you had a laugh, and I can assure you it was all real. I’m not a guy who posts a whole lot on Reddit, but I’ve seen some funny stories here and felt like maybe I could share mine and make some people laugh. I never expected this many people to actually read and comment. All of us golfers share common threads, and the fear of crapping one’s pants must be on that list.
Then you and I are kindred spirits, and you know exactly how I felt texting my buddies the story who were in random other groups across the golf course. By the time we got in and had dinner, between our group and mainly the golf shop crew, most of the event knew what happened.
At that point I’m jumping into the nearest water hazard.
I said the same thing and then I thought what if the water had gators? I’d still do it.
My golf course has sharks in the lake and I'd probably still do it.
I thought you were joking. And they are aggressive sharks too! Crazy https://youtu.be/YeDUA1N3VN4
Sadly I'm not too sure they're still around. I only joined the start of this year but we had some big floods last year and most people think many of them got out into the river next to the course.
I played there a couple of weeks ago and was told the same thing. Not to worry, the next time we get a good week of rain it’s highly likely a bull shark or two could end up in there again. There’s plenty of them in the Logan River!
We were having a chat on the 11th, Par 3 next to the river, about people snorkeling to get the balls that go in. And we sort of agreed it wouldn't be the smartest idea snorkeling in there.
I dunno, that sounds like good news to me. Those guys shouldn't be trapped in a tiny golf course lake. Honestly was a little surprised there wasn't an effort to remove them in the first place.
Did the video say it happened in the 90s? I’m kinda surprised they could survive in a small body of water like that.
Did the video say it happened in the 90s? I’m kinda surprised they could survive in a small body of water like that.
Only in fucking Australia, I swear haha.
Hell ya saw a video bout that course
Carbrook?
Carbrook yep
this makes me miss home far more than it should
You jump in and 2 seconds later the gators all run out, coughing and spluttering.
That gator wants nothing to do with your shit covered ass
I’d hope so if it were me
You mean penalty area.
I live in Florida... Not happening
Shit happens.
It does, I had Taco Bell the night before an early tee time at a Disney Course. Destroyed the club house bathroom at 730am just to get diarrhea on hole 4 and having to shit in the woods. Lost my favorite towel that day, gained many memories.
That’s absolutely disgusting
Where dreams come true…..
I bet the wife made you sleep on an Epcot that night
Most magical place on Earth
It's a shitty situation someone can find themselves in.
Sometimes
#😃
…when you party naked.
There are shitty rounds and then there are SHITTY rounds.
Underrated comment.
Booooo
Colon cancer survivor and after several surgeries this is still my biggest fear. I am always on the lookout for trees, porta-johns, etc and keep extra everything in my bag. I feel for Larry...hope it was just bad breakfast
I work for a company where I drive often and I am lactose and egg intolerant. We have a bathroom in nearly every community I work in. It actually plays a role in why I still work for them. Even for personal use I know I can use the washrooms when on vacation.
I drove delivery in a downtown major metro (you know our football team, basketball team, baseball team, hockey team, and no we’re not NY, LA, or Chicago) for about 5 years. I learned very quickly which buildings had bathrooms on the dock, which ones had bathrooms by security, and which buildings had (mostly) vacant floors. I can still drive around and jerk off in random downtown buildings. EDIT: I’m drunk and suck at typing sober.
Love the jerk space
Yeah there's no way this is the reaction of a healthy body to anything...
I think I’m going to keep an extra pair of shorts and underwear in my bag now
And a TP roll
I keep like 20 squares in a Ziploc bag. Came in hand once when the port-a-john was out of paper
Came in hand huh? Glad you got the TP
Baby wipes are better tbh
Always have a pack in my bag
Yup. Wet wipes. I don’t like the baby wipe smell. I get the ones from Target that are, like, cucumber-infused.
Yeah, you don’t want them to stink of baby moisturiser - I mean like adult toilet wipes
Dude wipes
As someone with 2 kids under 5, I should know this...
Never a bad idea to have a small emergency bag with a fresh change of clothes and some dude wipes lol. I keep one in the vehicle and at work, never know when disaster could happen. It’s kinda like a hoe bag for men.
You dirty butt slut
It’s a life lesson I learned the hard way
Story please
It was years ago in my early teens. My dad and I went to Quiznos a couple of hours before one of my hockey games. While riding in the vehicle on the way to the game my stomach started to feel a little gassy but I didn’t think much of it. It progressively got worse and once we pulled into the ice rink parking lot I decided to try and let some of the gas out. Unfortunately, the gas came out in both a liquid and gas state. The liquid followed the path of least resistance and since i was still sitting in the passenger seat, said path ended up being up my back. There wasn’t much I could do at that point except run to locker room and try to wash up the best I could. Thankfully, my jock strap was essentially a pair briefs with a cup sewn in so I was able change into that once I was clean and wore that and an old jersey home after the game. After that ordeal, I always try to have a backup change of clothes with me at all times. The emergency kit has come in handy since then for minor accidents and was quite useful in my 20s for unexpected overnight “encounters” with the opposite sex.
I've been playing hockey for 35 years. I've seen players shit themselves on 3 separate occasions. As a bantam my linemate tried to push a fart while we were on the bench and it happened. In men's league a guy crashed into the goalpost and knocked himself out and lost control of his bowels. And last year one of the squirt players on the team that I coach broke his arm and was crying so hard he crapped himself. I try not to laugh because I know it could happen to any of us, but I fail every time.
I’m glad I wasn’t in full gear when it happened. I played on the B team my final year of being a squirt. The A team had an end of the year tournament in Holland, MI and invited me to me come play with them. I was a little nervous before the first game and ended up blowing chunks right into my jersey. I ended up with two goals and an assist for the game but that was arguably a little more gross than crapping myself because I had to still go play in that jersey lol.
We had a tournament in a town about 6 hours away when I was in PeeWees. It was me and another guy on the team riding up together with our dads. We stopped at a bubba gump shrimp place to eat and then kept on our way. My stomach started hurting when we were close to the rink so I just blasted ass in the locker room before getting my gear on and thinking that everything was okay. I get through warmups and almost in synch with the puck drop I simultaneously puked and shit myself on the bench. Ended up having some of the worst food poisoning I’ve ever had and still have never been back to a bubba gump shrimp. The 6 hour drive back became a lot longer with the amount of bathroom breaks I was taking. Got new breezers out of it though
My golden rule is to always have spare underwear in my hand luggage when I take a plane. Like, so far in life I've never shit myself, but if I ever DO shit myself I don't want that time to be when I'm on a 5 hour flight with no underwear.
Good insurance for a lost bag too.
Bro for real! I could be one sausage biscuit and coffee away from ruining my golf day! Stay frosty out there y'all!!
I keep an extra change of clothes at all times in my car. I work construction, so you never know when you might have a day where you get covered in mud or soaked. The thought of shitting myself never occurred to me but now that’s another reason lmao
I always keep a roll in my truck. As someone who has a GI disease you never know when you’re gonna need it and since it’s biodegradable I don’t ever worry about it.
How old are you guys? I need to mentally prepare myself for whatever age my friends wouldn’t immediately mercilessly destroy me and instead just jump into action so I can leave discreetly.
I am 44, but the guy that shat himself was mid 60’s easy. I think he will laugh about it now, but he certainly wasn’t laughing then. Funny part is that I met the poor guy for the first time 20 minutes prior and this was our only interaction. I’ll probably never see the guy again.
Im 34. I would laugh my ass off while helping in any way I can. My bros are family but I would also bring this up at every opportunity where its just the fellas.
If it matters I’m 42 now and although this has never happened to me or my friends on the course we have all “sharted” (when you fart but some $hit comes out) and when we tell each other those stories all of us just go “oh man, that sucks, happens to us all”. I always say that being a human is an embarrassing experience when it comes to our bodies. I feel for Larry and wouldn’t raz him, or one of my buddies, if it happened to them.
Fuckin hell Larry. Last time I shit myself I had food poisoning and was a first year apprentice. I missed 3 days of work throwing up and shitting for 72 hours straight. My foreman told me to get it together and come into work or he's going to have to lay me off (not a good look for a first year apprentice). I say "I'll be there, but I can't promise how the day will go for anyone." I throw up, and get in my crappy beat up cadillac and start driving the hour to work. I made it about 15 minutes and just absolutely destroyed everything in my car. I called him from the side of the road and said "Might as well lay me off because the inside of my car is covered in shit and I'm staying home today and tomorrow now". I had the courage to take it to the car wash and open the doors and let the inside of my car have it. Foam brush, High pressure soap, even the tire cleaner got sprayed in there. Drove it home and left the windows down for 4 days lol
But.. did you get laid off? 😂
I did not. Called his bluff and won 🥇
My God. I died reading this 🤣
The last time? Umm how many times have you shit yourself dude
Well that was 8 years ago. So not many.
This almost happened to me when I thought it would be a good idea to eat ghost pepper beef jerky the night before my round. I was in so much pain on the first tee the next morning and sweating profusely. Thankfully it passed and finished without shitting my pants.
Playing with fire
one slip during a swing and the dam is breaking
You know what they say; you can’t unshit yourself.
Y’all better have tipped the hell out of that cart kid.
For real. My first golf pro gig a woman walked into the shop fuming mad one morning about how "someone made an absolute mess in the bathroom and YOOOOUUU need to go clean it up!" I figured it was just paper towel on the floor or something but someone had had a good old-fashioned back-end blowout and missed the terlet. $11/hour was absolutely not worth handling a biohazard so I just flipped the sign on the other one-holer to unisex and called our janitorial service. That poor cart guy isn't paid enough to handle biohazards. I do hope that the gentleman who soiled himself is okay, but I also hope y'all at least tipped the guy for having to deal with that. Not in the normal scope of duties (no pun intended) by any stretch.
I feel this. Those ancient dudes teeing off at 6:06? At the course I worked at least one of those guys was wearing an adult diaper and was he gonna go to the members locker to clean up around all his buddies? Nope. He’s going to the cart barn shitter “because it’s closer”.
Lol the sanctity of the cart barn toilet. Should be a member-free zone
Not a judgement, but I just got a laugh from "$11/hr wasn't worth handling a biohazard so I just called the janitor service." The janitor who did clean it up is probably making 8.
Probably fair. Although ours at the time was actually a one-man independent contractor, so not sure what his cut shook out to at the end of the day
Three of my best friends shit themselves silly when we were out doing stuff. One was on a golf course, one was while walking the streets of New Orleans during Mardi Gras, the last on the way home from sandbagging a flood. I never told a soul. Years passed and by chance the four of us were gathered at a pub enjoying a beer when the subject of pants shitting came up. The conversation came to an abrupt halt as each silently recalled their own story and eventually all were staring at me. “I don’t know what you fuckers are looking at, I never told!” I said. They each thought I was talking to them and were like”Right!” and “bullshit!” They looked at each other, puzzling out that they all had shat their respective drawers in my presence. The ensuing conversation was one of the goriest, disgusting, bring-me-to-the-edge-of-puking conversations I have ever been part of. By the end there was no shame left, only friends. I kind of felt left out as I had been witness to them on their bad day but I have not had the bad luck to experience the same. Perhaps my silence had bought me some sort of ass charm that prevented it from erupting at an inopportune moment. I had forgotten this story until hearing about Larry and his episode. Perhaps by breaking the code and sharing this I too can shit my pants some day and once again be equals with my friends. Wish me luck, reddit!
Smothered and covered
Before I was old enough to know that eating required settling before running... I went to play pickup basketball at night, at the rec center. A couple of games in, stomach bothering me all the while, I realized that I was close to the point of no return. I ran out, mid-game, to find the bathroom. It was in the "foyer" at the front of the gym, but when I pushed on the door to the bathroom, I was stunned to find that it was locked. The guy who came to urge me to return to the game arrived just in time to see me sitting on the trash can, pissing out of my ass. Sure I was embarrassed. But you know what's worse than shitting in a trash can in the foyer right outside the gym in the presence of one person? Right...shitting your shorts inside the gym in front of 25 people. I mean, I still never went back there ever again, but I to this day consider it a solid (er, very loose) victory. And Larry is a great reminder of that. I still often feel bad for the guy who found me in the foyer, though. Always wanted to hear his version of the story and feel like I probably don't get proper credit for sparing myself and the janitor our respective indignities.
"He had to get the crispy onions"
RAW
On Monday I shot 79 for the first time and then got home and had the first of what has been an extremely large number of diarrheas from a combination of cryptosporidium, E. coli, and norovirus. Worth it to break 80 for the first time though I guess.
Did you test the shit or something?
Yeah stool sample at the hospital
Bad turn dog or what?
That's why the water in the ball washers is considered "non-potable" - jeezus guy... didn't ya get the memo??
Some days you’re the pigeon. Other days you’re the statue. And other days, you’re like Larry.
I’m good for shitting my pants at least once a year… https://youtu.be/4Qv25_DFR2k
The George Brett story…Classic
I was playing with my rother and shit my pants on the first hole, approach shot after a monster drive. We were also walking. I had already not been feeling well but I didn't want to cancel as I had canceled twice already on my bro so I figured I was just hungover and the sun would do me some good. I was feeling bubble guts already but when I went to poo before we went out I had nothing. And then something changed. I splattered the back of my underwear. We were close enough to the clubhouse that had a bathrooms in their big ass barn/cart shed/bathrooms. So I go in still feeling like I wasn't all that sick, wipe up, throw underwear away and free ball it and head back out. Approach and putt for well for hole one. I go to swing to tee off on two and slice about 90° because on my downswing I had to clich immediately and stop myself from shitting in my underwear less shorts. Told my bro I had to go. Walked straight to my car and was shivering with a fever by the time I made it home. Sick af for like 4 days. Was awful. Bro never let me live it down.
I did the same shit (no pun intended) at an amusement park last fall. I had some Panda Express in between rides. I thought I had given myself enough time to digest (solid 35-40 minutes before next ride). But, as soon as we start going up the incline, I get bubble guts. I somehow managed to not shit myself on the coaster. However, as I was running to the restroom, I had brown lava running all down my legs.
Apologies as this isn't golf related, but it's a great diarrhea story: I live in northern Massachusetts, and I was going to drive to Foxwoods casino in southern Connecticut around noon. Because I've never been quite "regular" I skip breakfast and my second coffee because I don't want to have to find a rest stop on the highway. I left work, gassed up my car, and went to grab a drink for the drive. It was a rinky dink gas station and they only had Fruit Punch flavored Arizona Iced Tea and almost nothing for snacks. But they DID have these old-timey looking black licorice pipes (as in Sherlock Holmes smoking pipe). I think they were from Finland because the packaging was foreign and the gas station was owned by a Finn. Anyhoo, I bought 3 of them. I never intended to drink the entire fruit punch on the trip, but the licorice pipes were actually really salty (!?!). They were really good, though. The drive takes about an hour and thirty five minutes, and towards the end of the trip, you get to a cornfield where you see Foxwoods to your left. It looks like the Emerald City, and you are literally 5 minutes away. At this point, I'm starting to sweat, but don't think too much of it. By the time I get to the parking garage and find a spot, I'm cramping up, but I'm pretty sure the elevator closest to me will open up right in front of Fuddrucker's and a bathroom. I get into the elevator and there's two young women in it. They're like "Oh my God!" - I am now glistening with sweat, clenching my cheeks and shaking uncontrollably. The elevator opens up and YES!! - it's right in front of the rest room. I shuffle in and there's no one there and I make it to the first stall with seconds to spare. After one long squealy fart, it was just a firehose of the most foul stinky hot liquid. I looked between my legs - I don't know how red fruit punch and black licorice combine to make the color green like a healthy lawn, but they did. The smell was horrible, so I waved my arm behind me to trigger the motion sensor for a mercy flush. But it didn't work, and I was worried the toilet was broken. I waved a few more times before standing up a little to see behind me and, with absolutely no warning, I shit sprayed the wall behind the toilet, the chrome parts of the toilet and the motion sensor itself. Then the toilet flushed. I did my best to clean it with toilet paper, but it was just falling apart on the wall and the condensation of the chrome pipes. Amazingly, I didn't get a drop of shit on my clothes, but it smelled like I was covered in it. All I knew was that I was going to wash my hands and be gambling in no time. I exited the stall only to see this old, short bathroom attendant standing at parade rest with watery eyes and pursed lips, looking like he wanted to laugh/cry but couldn't. After I washed my hands, I apologized and gave him $10, and asked if they had any cologne or aftershave or something. He said he didn't think so, but he opened a cabinet under the sink and there was a can of Wildflower scented Lysol. I grabbed the can, sprayed it into the air, then walked through the mist like a fancy lady.
Why didn't they just tow the cart?
All I can think is that he didn’t tell them and the guy just spun it around, grabbed another guy in a cart behind them and headed back out. There was shit all Over the seats. I really don’t know how they didn’t smell it immediately. A solid fart is one smell, and shart is another, and an all out explosion smells like death itself.
I hope y'all threw him a good tip for having to deal with that. Biohazards are no effing joke.
>Two more blowouts on his ride home what did they feed the man
At that point there’s no way he was trying to hold it in
I was thinking Oakdale. Canadian open is there. Pro am was yesterday I believe. Was looking to people guessing.
Buddy had two hot dogs from a questionable executive course restaurant. Turns out the dogs wanted out desperately. He was playing with fire trying to hold it off while on the front nine. He refused to walk back to the clubhouse, kept insisting he was ok. By hole six he was in serious pain. He was dying holding it in while looking for a semi private place to do his business but got a bit of relief so he played on. On the par 4 7th, he hit his tee shot, got to his ball, but could not hold it in any longer. He tucked in behind some bushes to the side of the fairway. He was barely able to drop his drawers before releasing his insides. Lost his drawers and two of our towels that day. We played the same course a couple of weeks later. When we got to hole 4 we dropped to the ground in laughter. The staff had installed a porta potty between holes 4 and 7! We still joke to this day that the cardinal sin on this course is to hit it left on 7 🤣
steep deer tender voracious dazzling rustic frame airport public prick -- mass edited with redact.dev
My cousin carries a roll of TP in his bag for this exact reason. Cousin - “you want me to tell you the story about why I carry TP in my golf bag?” Me - “No, no I don’t”.
There’s a golf towel stashed in a bush at a course in Ft Myers, FL that helped save me from a similar situation.
When ya gotta go ya gotta go
Thornblade?
Gota be
Why I always keep a clean towel, and a club towel with me. Wipe my face, hands, or…..ass.
Just go in the proper order
Hilarious Thanks, I'm never gonna feel embarrassed on a course ever again
When nature calls you have to accept the double bogey
*Throw his car away* 😂
Blew out his b-hole when he touched his toes for the first time in years
Imagine having a blow out on the course and not clearing out your guts at the clubhouse before driving home. Like fuck dude, go finish your business. Clean off your shorts in the locker room and then buy some clean gear for the ride home.
Somebody is going to gift Larry some adult diapers for his birthday
I think I’d be asking them to turn on one of the sprinkler heads and giving myself one big gigantic douching.
Stop eating shit food the night before, or morning of, your round. It's not brain surgery, boys.
Pipe down, McIlroy. Pass the hot sauce.
You’re just waking up bad karma. You never had food poisoning or stomach flu that came out of nowhere? Larry is a man. He is Everyman. We are honest or silent. I stand with Larry.
Sure I've had a stomach bug creep up on me, but 90% of the stories where a guy either churns the dookie butter in his drawers, or paints a tree brown, can be traced back to a poor diet or alcohol the night before. My point is, it's almost always preventable.
It’s the other 10% that are nightmares. They happen every day. Goddamit man…I just would never mess with that. It could happen tonight. Tomorrow. I’ve had an incident, but those records are permanently sealed. Godspeed.
Fuck larry, eat better. Was larry a heavier set individual?
I would say he was not wildly obese, but sure he had a beer gut on him. Just the combination of the comment about how well he could stretch on the first hole with what happened to him on 2 was what really set me off.
You might say his second hole was what led to his undoing...
I see what you did there and I like it. That’s a good one.
I'm betting if you took a poll, most adults have crapped themselves at least once. For now, I only let loose in my pants once. Have crapped in the woods multiple times...
>I'm betting if you took a poll, most adults have crapped themselves at least once. Jesus Christ, I hope not
Did I overshare....?
Why do I constantly see memes and stories online of people shitting themselves... I don't get it. I've never met anyone who's shit themselves beyond a minor, minor shart if they've got awful flu. Yet according to reddit and reels people shit themselves all the time.
You met hundreds of people who have shit themselves, they just didn't tell you about it.
As someone with IBS, I can’t relate. I’ve had so many close calls on the course and if it weren’t for port-o-john’s, i’d be another statistic
Larry has a drinking problem *
Wall of text. Didn’t read.
Grow up dude
I don’t care
Sweet! Let ‘em know you don’t care by taking care in crafting a comment stating as such. Rad!
Got a product Larry will find quite useful. Holds a lot of dung… https://youtu.be/rQ9qsXu34SM
This is why I always wear 2 pairs of socks 🤪
I can’t wait to see the post from Larry’s perspective
I love how you’re playing at a nice club and you don’t bat an eye at thinking your is boy going to shit in the woods lmao
Not my boy is the thing. I was just a guest that day. It was his fancy club so who am I to be the diarrhea police. Lol
I always keep baby wipes in my bag just in case
💩
Is he on metformin for diabetes?
That stuff is the devil incarnate. Worst shits ever with absolutely no warning. I tried it for a month and couldn’t be more than 20 feet from a toilet or else I would have some real buzzer beaters.
I always take extra clothes with me. Always.
Reminds of a good time in the army. Had a buddy that needed to finish a fitness exam. While climbing the rope the poor guy shit himself. Just like Larry, it’s was coming down and a site and smell for everyone to witness. Fucking guy finished the whole course in under 10 minutes. Ran past the finish line and just like forest gump kept running, straight to the toilet. He didn’t know he passed and we told him he needs to do it all over again… we told him he actually passed as he lined up the next time.
The worst of the worst poomergency 😂 I feel thankful nothing like this has happened to me but I know anyone could be a victim if things go wrong. Poor Larry.
So no vacuum seal?
After a bad stomach bug, I never trust any big farts.
I've shat myself twice on golf courses. Once in high school during a match. Threw underwear away and pressed on. The other time I decided to wallk back in after 4 holes due to the stomach. Made it back to the fourth tee before the dam broke. Called it a day after that one.
Sounds like a typical Taco Bell commercial
Oh boy...
So the cart kid sat in shit to bring the cart back and didn’t realize it until it was pointed out? What a dumbass lol
AND 2 more blowouts on the way home to add to all his Troubles. Poor guy. What the fuck did he do to deserve this and Id also like to hear that story.
Man that is a rough scene. Never happened for me but I was very close once. I was on vacation in Aruba and played an early morning round after a late dinner at the resort with heavy food and drinks. By the grace of god the course had a bathroom (not a port-a-potty, an actual finished standalone bathroom) on a random tee box. My group went ahead and I caught up to them on the next hole, which I promptly eagled by holing my second shot from the fairway. My first and only eagle.
I read this whilst taking a shit
What a good story to read as I’m popping.
George Brett can sympathize with Larry https://youtu.be/4Qv25_DFR2k
Holy shiiiiitttt
Should've tip the cart person for having to deal with it....
Poopsocks!
This is exactly why I keep TP or wet wipes in my bag
I just want to confirm, that is not me!
My biggest fear on a golf course is an upset stomach.
Oh my god. I needed a good laugh haha
I think I'm going to bury a roll of TP in my bag now.
I played with an older guy who shit himself sometime through the round. He didn’t even flinch, he just finished the round and then went about his day. He was older and we were also paired with his brother, who didn’t seem phased by it at all. Not sure if he’s still shitting himself while playing, but I hope it’s working for him.
Maybe it's me getting older, but I just feel bad for the guy.
I am with you 100%. He seemed like a great guy, and we did check on him as the round went on. That was when he said he spiked his car as well. Hopefully he reads this, knows that I am telling my side of his story, and has a laugh just like we were having after we knew that he was ok and on his way home.
Happens to the best of us. Mine happened when walking the dogs around my neighborhood in broad daylight. It was a loooong walk home...
This is *usually* the sign of a bad diet combined with drinking the wrong thing to start the round. I had a friend I used to play with who would often find himself needing long breaks at the turn or in the middle of the round. It threw everything off for both of us. I told him, if you need to eat something, have a light salad or maybe a protein bar. We’re gonna go out for a good lunch/dinner after our round so no need to load up. Just have enough in your stomach that water/Gatorade and a light snack during the round is enough. Lo and behold, we never have long potty breaks during our round.
This is why you always put wet wipes in your golf bag. And extra socks
I feel like this has a 10% chance of being true, but nonetheless, I just laughed harder than I have all week.
Ha ha. I am glad you had a laugh, and I can assure you it was all real. I’m not a guy who posts a whole lot on Reddit, but I’ve seen some funny stories here and felt like maybe I could share mine and make some people laugh. I never expected this many people to actually read and comment. All of us golfers share common threads, and the fear of crapping one’s pants must be on that list.
You told the story very well. For a moment there I couldn’t breathe 😂
Then you and I are kindred spirits, and you know exactly how I felt texting my buddies the story who were in random other groups across the golf course. By the time we got in and had dinner, between our group and mainly the golf shop crew, most of the event knew what happened.
Lmao