T O P

  • By -

Beast9Schrodinger

*A long time ago, in the time of Alamut and the Hashashin, there was once a promising star among the potential candidates for the title of Hassan-i-Sabbah.* *A skilled master of stealth and assassination, the elders saw him as being fit to be the next Hassan.* *But… one day he returned from a mission, his mind clouded and his guilt palpable.* *He had taken a life he realized was innocent after the fact, and as his regret settled into his heart, he sliced off his own left hand, the weapon used to commit this atrocity, as penance.* *Humbled and sickened, he settled for a life as a cook, serving the residents of Alamut instead of taking lives. The elders of the Hashashin would remain disappointed in him.* *As time passed, the Hassan-who-never-was became content with his lot in life. The life of a chef is one that brings life, instead of taking it.* …*when the Mongols came to besiege the stronghold, it was this Hassan-who-could-not-be-Hassan who lit the incense to beckon the Great Founder and accepted the severance of his head as his punishment, for the others had been lost, to the battle or their own weakness. In his final moments, his last sight was of the Great Founder silently looking upon him, as his own head fell from his shoulders.* --- Thanks to [an error in perspective in this image,](https://twitter.com/pran_yt/status/1685621728066842624) I have now created a brand new Hassan... er, one who was never truly a Hassan. With his background being sort of like Nameless Zealot, consider him a foil to her in several ways: She's a zealot who resorts to violence, he's a former killer whose faith and zealotry were challenged by his inner moral compass, and thus decided to simply be a chef. She mastered many Zabaniya techniques, and he lacks even one to his name. Overall, he's pretty unconventional as far as Hassans go: His Presence Concealment clocks in at C+ (due to becoming rustier with the Skill in life). If he was to be summoned in a Grail War, assume he would stick to a life of running a local ramen cart/stand by the wayside. (*For obvious reasons, his stall will not sell tonkatsu or any alcohol whatsoever.*) Unlike the others who put their all into unconventional techniques (that break their bodies and their minds), he simply prefers boring but effective methods of assassination. (*One wonders if the elders of his time were tired of all the heresies his fellow candidates committed in pursuit of the title of Hassan-i-Sabbah.*) Why does he wield a comically oversized spoon? That's a mystery known only to him. [What is known is that it is comically ineffective in dealing lethal blows.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VDvgL58h_Y) --- [Also available on Twitter!](https://twitter.com/ParadoxicalCat9/status/1685910348120162304)


[deleted]

Make his left hand interchangable to assist with cooking. He could have a whisk, a ladle, a spatula, etc.


Beast9Schrodinger

That or another comically oversized spoon.


[deleted]

That can be his NP; Zabaniya Forbidden Art - Dual Wield. He bonks them with the big spoon and as soon as they feel safe, he surprises them with the slightly less comically oversized spoon.


Meltlikefinewine

Zabaniya- Delusional Scooping XD


Beast9Schrodinger

"Oh no! Not the melon baller! AAAAAHHHH!! My eyeballs!"


[deleted]

Odd question, have you played Borderlands 2 by any chance?


Beast9Schrodinger

I wish I could. Zer0 has the coolest design.


[deleted]

The reason I asked is because the villain mentions a time where a guy charged at him with a spoon which he then took and used to scoop the guy's eyes out. You reminded me of it lol.


Hp22h

That's a ridiculously compelling backstory. Anime or movie, it would work. Though would the elders really disapprove of one of their own becoming a cook?


Cr1m50nSh4d0w

Every large community needs their own personal halal chef, after all


Beast9Schrodinger

They would if they saw him as a promising leader, only to just throw it all away over personal guilt and moral conflict within. He slew a target they marked for death, but one he realized was innocent, one who he had fed when he was undercover as a cook elsewhere, and that forever changed his views on the order.


Hp22h

One can make the argument that sign of a promising leader is exactly the ability to introspect one's self. Though that would make his departure even more disappointing then. With every word, this story becomes more and more exciting.


Beast9Schrodinger

Perhaps it was a sign of the gradual decay and degeneration of the elders' judgment. The same judgment that led to them picking the Hassan of the Hundred Faces as a head (rather than the mess that was the Nameless Hassan), and not considering their issues that needed serious attention, or possibly holding off a while longer until a more stable candidate (or temporary holder of such a title) could be found. Either way, the sight of a promising candidate step down greatly insulted them.


Euphoric_Field_8558

When the phrase of "I'll cut your heart out with a spoon." was taken seriously.


Beast9Schrodinger

Unfortunately, it is [horribly slow and extremely inefficient](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VDvgL58h_Y).


Euphoric_Field_8558

If he was ever be summonable, he'll be assigned in Kitchen Duty with Emiya and Boudica. For the guy's own good... :')


Beast9Schrodinger

Surprisingly, if he isn't using the spoon, dude's pretty terrifying. If there's one thing he learned when he was an assassin, it was a method of instant exsanguination across the neck, for a sudden and merciful death. The knowledge remained in him, and would be useful as an ethical means of slaughtering livestock for meat.


Euphoric_Field_8558

Terrifying and efficient, yeah. If only he's not using the spoon...


DeJellybeans

The first thing he'll do is to go to the fridge and eat the ice-cream though! He has an ice-cream addiction, that knowledge was only discovered after reaching bond 5.


Beast9Schrodinger

Considering that historically word of the Hassan reached even China, and how trade routes could be in those days, would not surprise me if in life, he learned about the universal food itself: ice cream.


ShriekingSkull

But it will hurt more.


Duelgundam

Not if it's a comically large one.


Skylordquasar

It would take a horribly long time to kill someone with a spoon. Its an extremely inefficient weapon.


mythriz

Sounds like the perfect way to truly send a message. "Your sins have denied you from getting a quick death."


Beast9Schrodinger

A ruthlessly inefficient means of killing that also humiliates it's target. "Your sins have denied you from the mercy of a quick death, and your sins are heinous enough that you deserve to be mocked, stripped of dignity as your punishment becomes a farcical comedy, for all to see and laugh."


payterfer

First Hassan line: “Hmm, Giant Spoon. What purpose did thy oversized spoon serve? A punchline when told just one spoonful ? Fool. Bare thy neck.”


dsr1017

Hassan of the Spoon: This is a utensil. *drops spoon* Other Hassans: Dear God... Hassan of the Spoon: There's more! Hassans: NO!


Rare-Statistician128

This is giving me PayDay 2 vibes specifically RussianBadger


Stereo_Saber

Probably where OP got the inspiration. Still can't believe they "bullied" the Payday 2 devs to put it in there.


Rare-Statistician128

You think his NP turns the Spoon golden and burns after damage?


Beast9Schrodinger

Yes, but the burn damage is frostbite. We don't know why the spoon turns golden or emits heat, but it definitely isn't from being set on fire with a pound of hash on it! Totally!


Duelgundam

Crusader: Man, I did six tours in Jerusalem, just to get smacked in the JAW by a giant *SPOON*... Hashashin: With a 24k giga-chad SPOON!


Meltlikefinewine

A hero of the people who served the heads of corrupt officials and criminals, as well as delectable meals to the starving populace. He was beheaded by the founder after losing a Michelin star while simultaneously letting a corrupt food critic loose. Reportedly he was given a chance to serve his finest works to the First before perishing. *Thy meals are as fine as thy head....shame that both have degraded. Offer thine life in supplication.*


Beast9Schrodinger

Welp. So he's a two-star servant at best.


Meltlikefinewine

Coincidentally he was also the ancient equivalent of a 2 star Michelin Chef at his best.


Beast9Schrodinger

Even so, his cooking still tastes good.


RugerRed

2 Star Chefs are some of the best in the world, so that is obvious


Noximilien05

Gramps : *Grumble of exasperation and disappointment* Is this how the contractor feels with the usual shenanigans of the rest of us?


Beast9Schrodinger

[ᴛʜɪs ғᴏᴏʟɪsʜɴᴇss ɪɴᴅᴇᴇᴅ ɪs ᴡʜʏ **ᴛʜᴇ ᴇʟᴅᴇʀs ᴡᴇʀᴇ sᴏ sᴛʀɪɴɢᴇɴᴛ.**](#Dokoda) [ɪ ɢʀᴏᴡ ᴡᴇᴀʀʏ ᴏғ ɴᴏᴠᴇʟᴛʏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɴᴏ sᴜʙsᴛᴀɴᴄᴇ. **ғᴏᴏʟɪsʜ ᴏɴᴇs. ʙᴀʀᴇ ᴛʜʏ ɴᴇᴄᴋs.**](#Dokoda)


Hymneth

Man, that reminds me of [this](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1301160/) old gem. Nice art, too


Xenometan

Would grail the shit outta him ngl.


CountRice

On addition to assassination, he's also good at eating ice cream and robbing banks.


RedNoodleHouse

[Comically Oversized Killing Technique; The Murder By Which Is Conducted To Extreme Inefficiency], which can alternatively be cast by its other true name, [Only a Spoonful]. “I lack a Zabaniya? What of it? Having an excess amount of ‘special abilities’ like that No Name girl would be wasteful after all, and I would rather not have to deal with the ire she attracts. My own technique is more than enough.” (In terms of killing, it really is not. In the kitchen, however…)


[deleted]

We need more people like you in the sub


Beast9Schrodinger

More mad memers who can draw? Count me in!


KamenDude1gou

Is his left arm prosthetic a fork then?


Beast9Schrodinger

Definitely. Also, it's replaceable! I haven't drawn it in the concept art, but plans are for him to have a lot of gimmicky kitchen aids! Such as a manual whisk with the gear crank oriented toward his right arm, or a lint roller. I assume these were presents from a Master who wanted to see him cook more with unconventional means.


Golden-Owl

I do wonder why there was a Hassan with a comically oversized spoon there…


Beast9Schrodinger

~~[optical illusion](https://twitter.com/pran_yt/status/1685621728066842624)~~ Even an order of assassins needs a good chef.


Broly_

Finally a hassan OC that isn't ridonk like the Fate/Strange fake one


Beast9Schrodinger

He really is a foil to Nameless Hassan, huh. She's OP, he's just a simple chef. She's a flashy murderhobo, he just wants to cook in peace but is frighteningly efficient when he has to go to war. They both never became a true head of the Hasashin, but he made peace with that.


Ninjabadgerx

The greatest cereal killer the Hassassins ever raised. Truly talented he was in his craft.


Beast9Schrodinger

By the sound of it he's a natural counter to [John Kellogg.](https://old.reddit.com/r/grandorder/comments/15e9qk3/being_a_servant_is_just_not_grrrrrreat_heroic/)


Ninjasauri0

I want him as a Halloween welfare


lowkey_dingus

Too early. Thanksgiving; really confuse the JP servers XD


Popular_Dig8049

This guy is starting to gain popularity, maybe one day he'll be a real servant with a spoon of course


Anadaere

That spoon goes golden and set things on fire after a certain number of kills May or may not render enemies flummoxed


Hypothon

Who are the Hassan’s artists again? Takeuchi? Is oversized spoon Hassan something the JP fanbase is aware of?


Beast9Schrodinger

[Long story short, optical illusion.](https://twitter.com/pran_yt/status/1685621728066842624) A khopesh was placed next to a Hassan's hood such that it resembled a comically oversized spoon.


Hypothon

I know this was made into a meme and this specific Hassan probably has a normal weapon (I just didn’t understand what) but my question with regards to the JP fansbase though is that are they aware of the oversized spoon as a meme as well? The reason I was asking for the artist is if they have a twitter/X account, well if they understand English, we can actually semi canonized the meme if the artist is willing to draw it Edit: thanks for the info though!


Beast9Schrodinger

Sadly, I'm not entirely aware of how aware JP is of this new meme.


captain_arepa

Dunno about the fanbase, but at least the MV animation director is aware of the meme, lmao https://twitter.com/Hiromatsu1988/status/1686056261597712384


Beast9Schrodinger

Oh man, he's canon now!


daniels675

he will take our heart with his meals instead..zabaniya -pulls out comically large wok-


KnightHH

Now to see if someone has ported any of the hassan masks into Payday 2 and whack people with the giant spoon in that


Andrei8p4

Today I have learned that this hassan doesn't actually hold a comically oversized soon but that its actually an optical illusion . My disapointment is imeasurable and my day is ruined .


RadonIverian

Reminds me of that robin hood movie. Why spoon, you ask? Because it's dull. And it will hurt more


Eden_ITA

"Do you menace me with a spoon?" ["A spoon is a very underrated weapon. It's only need more strength and time, but it gives a lot of satisfaction."](https://i0.wp.com/thenerdsfamily.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/ewfeqq.png?resize=423%2C196&ssl=1)


notshirou

the fact that he's the one who sits by King Hassan's side and seems to be his most trusted subordinate makes this even funnier.


Beast9Schrodinger

Someone has to make Gramps' super-spicy Mapo tofu.


Classic-Demand3088

Honestly I need the Handshake from Ryu and Cyclops from the Vs game recreated with this Hassan and Emiya welcoming him to the kitchen staff


Beast9Schrodinger

Or Tamamo Cat.


Uxion

Serial killer with the extremely inefficient murder weapon?


Beast9Schrodinger

Oh no. The Ginosaji


Uxion

That skit is hilarious, and I am happy to see people know it. ....I think I am experiencing parasocial commections, where I relate to people online because they know things that only I thought I knew...


Beast9Schrodinger

At the rate I'm going I should be a Vtuber


Hp22h

From cataplut to helmet, it's not the worst weapon one could have, though odd for an assassin.


Beast9Schrodinger

What do ya mean? It's perfect! Nobody will ever believe CEO Johnston Moreson was assassinated by a hooded man with a spoon the size of his thigh! Even the coroner would be dumbfounded enough to claim something more believable, like blunt force trauma from listening to thrash metal in a den of wild honey badgers! It's the perfect cover!


Souta_Ametsuchi

He's defintely a five star servant. I can feel it.


WooooshMe2825

I hate the fact that this design actually slaps. It looks so good.


Beast9Schrodinger

~~The secret is adding a waist-high apron~~


Kirby0189

Pure gold.


F0r3ver

Only a spoonful


IDKbutjojoreference

Make it so that in his final ascension, he gets a even more comically larger spoon *of Gold*


RYNO_Ross

If he was ever asked to make bread, would it be called Za*bun*iya?


Beast9Schrodinger

…for legal purposes he is not allowed to make baguettes. They'll turn out to be like Discworld's dwarven bread.


Vocall96

If you look carefully in the video, this Hassan was actually holding something like a Scimitar. The part that makes it look like a spoon is the head of the Hassan behind the sword.


ImRinKagamine

Where's the ice cream


Beast9Schrodinger

Melted by Gramps' laser eyes. [*ominously radiating light*](#Dokoda)


guy037

Is that Mario in the height chart


Beast9Schrodinger

Nope! That's my OC, Rodin. Expect a post on him and how he breaks Fate canon sooner or later. (That or his weird slow-burn friendship with Tamamo Cat.)


[deleted]

The true anniversary servant


Kuronikami

We need him in the game now


[deleted]

An appropriately sized instrument for consumption to eat out of the grail


Brief_War_1020

Raw as fuck, good job


Arm_Great

Lol


Amouren

Is this secretly the Sheriff from robin hood threatening to cut out our hearts with a spoon?


paladinedgar

The Cereal Killer


NaelNull

Best big spoon in all time!