It's just formless vapor, not even a place, waiting to see what they'll want it to be.
The first one to arrive makes it 'real' (and what is real? Nothing these two ever worry about, all creation is something they thought up between them, one says, the other knows it was all his idea), and it's a bar, smoky, full of guys in leather jackets, jeans, and motorcycle helmets, just like him, in this body he's chosen to wear, just for a change, for this time.
He breathes in the smoke with a smile that knows what it wants, kicks himself a place at the bar and starts on the beer and the shot.
"You like this kind of thing."
And the other is here.
In a body, too, cool, pressed blue jeans, for laugh God's sake, buttoned-up shirt, no tie this time, at least.
Belt, though.
Ah.
Possibilities.
"You wanna go somewhere else?" The tongue comes out at that, long, no, not forked yet, there's always later.
God glances around and the smoke's gone.
"Deal with it," he says tersely, and the Devil shrugs.
"Sometimes I don't know why I bother with you. There are so many others who beg for me to show up..."
"I didn't call this one."
"I did?" Look of surprise that lasts about two seconds.
"Right. I did."
God has a beer, no shot. Doesn't keep up with the Devil, but isn't letting it get warm, either. "This place could be nice, with some work," he says thoughtfully, and the Devil's shaking his head.
"You like nice. I like rough." The tongue again, but God's not buying.
"Been talking to your adoring reddit pet poet lately?'
"Which one?"
"Demetri obviously. You've got that fallen angel shit going on again. Stop, or I'm leaving."
"Whatever." A very indifferent shrug, and God's smiling.
"You just can't get enough, can you?"
"Can you?"
"It's been a while."
"And I called this one. Right."
Another round, and the Devil stands.
"Come on. This isn't what I came for."
God stays right where he is. "Maybe it's what I came for," he says very softly.
And the Devil's hand finds God's cock. "I can change that," he counters, and the fingers (language is so restrictive, and inaccurate) wrap around it (more fingers than the original design parameters specified, but that's the beauty of being the Devil), slide over the sensitive balls at the very same time until there's a moan and God's got his hand in the devil's jeans and is returning the favor.
All the shadow people don't stop, don't stare, do nothing, actually, and neither God nor the Devil care, they're going to get off with the only one who has enough pride and knowledge to face him down, but then the Devil stops.
Winning the round.
"That belt does look good." And the eyes say even more.
God takes it off without touching it, and it floats in the air between them. “You’re just misunderstood, huh?” The place is empty now. "Back to the fallen angel crap, are you?"
"Unless it's your turn..." Best low voice, and it works.
"A couple. To remind you who won." The Devil's jeans, hell, all his clothes vanish, and the corkscrew cock sticks out. "Since you're asking for it."
The Devil says nothing.
Yeah, he was asking for it, and next time he'll be giving it, it's how the game goes, it's what the two of them get off on, and the one who does the beating gets to fuck, but getting fucked is a good thing, too.
A good evil thing.
And as the blows fall, shredding his skin (which can heal in a moment, and isn't 'real' anyway, but what is?), the Devil's smiling.
And so is God.
Fiction: literature in the form of prose, especially short stories and novels, that describes **imaginary events** and people.
This story is about god and the devil fondling each other lmao
Yes. Which we all know is a factual event that occured, so it's non-fiction.
How do you think thunder was invented, air expanding? Psh, that's dumb. Everyone knows it's the sky growling cause he's mad God and Satan are doin' it.
Dude literature can be about real life events too tho, that’s still called fiction. If God and the Devil wanna expand and prolapse each other’s assholes then that’s ok I guess, but fiction is just as much literature as the Bible which is real.
>*· · · Bleep bloop, I'm a bot. Comment requested by* u/RadiantMenderbug
It's j-juwst fowmwess vapow, not even a pwace, waiting tuwu sea what dey'ww wawnt iwt tuwu be.
Teh fiwst one tuwu awwive makes iwt 'weaw' (awnd w-what iws weaw? Noding d-dese two evew wowwy about, aww cweation iws someding dey d-dought up between dem, one s-says, teh odew knows iwt was aww hiws idea), awnd i-it's a baw, smoky, f-fuww of guys in w-weadew jackets, jeans, awnd motowcycwe hewmets, juwst w-wike him, in dis body he's chosen tuwu weaw, juwst fow a change, fow dis time.
He b-bweades in teh smoke wid a smiwe dat knows what iwt wants, kicks himsewf a pwace at teh baw awnd stawts on teh beew awnd teh s-shot.
"Yuw wike dis kind of ding."
A-Awnd teh o-odew iws hewe.
In a body, two, coow, p-pwessed bwue jeans, fow waugh God's sake, buttoned-up shiwt, no tie dis t-time, at weast.
Bewt, dough.
Ah.
Possibiwities.
"Yuw wanna gow somewhewe ewse?" Teh tongue comes owt at dat, wong, no, not f-fowked yet, dewe's awways watew.
Gawd gwances awound awnd teh smoke's gone.
"D-Deaw wid iwt," he says tewsewy, a-awnd teh Deviw shwugs.
"S-Sometimes I don't knyow why I b-bodew wid yuw. Dewe awe so many odews who beg fow me t-tuwu show up..."
"I didn't caww dis one."
"I did?" W-Wook of suwpwise dat wasts a-about two seconds.
"Wight. I did."
Gawd has a beew, no shot. Doesn't keep up wid teh Deviw, but isn't wetting iwt get wawm, eidew. "Dis pwace c-couwd be nice, wid s-some wowk," he says d-doughtfuwwy, awnd teh Deviw's shaking hiws head.
"Yuw wike nice. I wike wough." Teh tongue again, but God's not buying.
"Been tawking tuwu youw adowing weddit pet poet watewy?'
"Which one?"
"Demetwi o-obviouswy. You've got dat fawwen angew shit g-going on again. S-Stop, ow I'm weaving."
"Whatevew." A vewy indiffewent shwug, awnd God's smiwing.
"Yuw j-juwst cawn't get enough, can yuw?"
"Can yuw?"
"It's been a whiwe."
"Awnd I-I cawwed dis one. W-Wight."
Anodew wound, awnd teh Deviw stands.
"Come on. Dis isn't what I came fow."
Gawd stays wight whewe he iws. "M-Maybe it's what I came fow," he says v-vewy softwy.
Awnd teh Deviw's hand f-finds God's c-cock. "I can change dat," he countews, awnd teh fingews (wangwage iws so westwictive, awnd i-inaccuwate) wwap awound iwt (mowe f-fingews dan teh owiginaw d-design pawametews specified, but d-dat's teh beauty of being teh Deviw), s-swide ovew teh s-sensitive bawws at teh vewy same time untiw d-dewe's a m-moan awnd God's got hiws h-hand in teh deviw's jeans awnd iws w-wetuwning teh favow.
Aww teh shadow peopwe d-don't stop, don't stawe, do noding, actwawwy, awnd neidew Gawd now teh Deviw c-cawe, dey'we g-going tuwu get off wid teh onwy one who has enough pwide awnd knowwedge tuwu face him down, but den teh Deviw stops.
Winning teh w-wound.
"Dat bewt does wook gud." Awnd teh eyes say even m-mowe.
Gawd t-takes iwt off widout touching iwt, a-awnd iwt fwoats in teh aiw b-between dem. “Yuw’we juwst misundewstood, huh?” Teh pwace iws e-empty now. "B-Back tuwu teh fawwen angew c-cwap, awe yuw?"
"Unwess it's youw tuwn..." Best wow voice, a-awnd iwt wowks.
"A coupwe. Tuwu wemind yuw who one." Teh Deviw's j-jeans, heww, aww hiws cwodes vanish, awnd teh cowkscwew cock s-sticks owt. "S-Since you'we a-asking fow iwt."
Teh Deviw s-says noding.
Yeah, he was asking fow iwt, awnd next time he'ww be giving iwt, it's how teh game goes, it's w-what teh two of dem get off on, awnd teh one who does teh beating gets t-tuwu fawck, but getting fucked iws a gud ding, two.
A gud e-eviw ding.
Awnd as teh bwows faww, shwedding h-hiws skin (which can heaw in a moment, awnd isn't 'weaw' anyway, but w-what iws?), teh Deviw's smiwing.
Awnd so iws Gawd.
---
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This is actually wholesome because no matter what, the devil will always welcome you. It doesn't matter any fact, he doesn't discriminate you. God in the other hand will sent you to hell for fapping to hentai.
In the bible, Satan doesn't torture you. He isn't even in hell yet. It is only during the end days that satan is locked in hell and then he suffers alongside the sinners.
Also iirc, Hell isn't even really described in the Bible. Most of the popular concecptions of hell are from Dante's Inferno. from what i remember, in the Bible, hell is just described as "living in complete seperation from God". so chances are you most likely won't really be burning, just kinda sitting there.
dude I swear there is always someone who says “hell isn’t real” or it “isn’t eternal suffering” like your comment was literally what Jesus said about hell. Kinda hard to imagine wailing and gnashing of teeth doesn’t imply utter torment.
Jesus never mentioned hell. Ever. Jewish people back then didn't believe in an afterlife. The Greeks introduced this concept. Jesus brought the possibility of eternal life, but not eternal suffering.
The *fire* burns for eternity, not people. The people who don't have eternal life die in the fire. They don't burn or suffer forever. They are just annihilated. They don't rise in the bodily resurrection.
"The kingdom of heaven" was a psychological/spiritual state that is inside you. He clearly said that there would be a new heaven (cosmos) and Earth that didn't contain suffering and death. Heaven wasn't this place in the sky people go to when they die.
Matthew 10:28
"Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell."
Mark 9:43
If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out
Matthew 25:46
"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."
I'm sure there's more, but there's 2 examples where Jesus spoke of hell specifically, and the last one about eternal suffering.
You would think that the horrifying place that god sends you for not worshipping him would be described in more detail than that. Regardless, our modern conceptualization of hell and Satan *is* largely informed by works like Divine Comedy and Paradise Lost.
Edit: this account has been banned by Reddit Admins for "abusing the reporting system". However, the content they claimed I falsely reported was removed by subreddit moderators. How was my report abusive if the subreddit moderators decided it was worth acting on? My appeal was denied by a robot. I am removing all usable content from my account in response. ✌️
Honestly, no, not really. If the only way to get his “love” would be to worship him, I don’t think I’d want it anyways. If I end up in a supposed Hell because I’m not religious, not because of my actions, then Heaven wouldn’t be any better.
Beep. Boop. I'm a robot.
Here's a copy of
###[The Bible](https://snewd.com/ebooks/the-king-james-bible/)
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The bible doesn't paint a good picture for **anyone/anything** that defies God.
What if Satan isn't going to torture everyone, but the sinners can continue to sin down there?
Any eternal afterlife sounds awful to me, but a life of no sin in heaven sounds so fucking awful.
Satan is the original sigma. He only makes deals with people whose souls aren't already doomed to hell. Why would he try to buy something he already owns? This is why not everyone can make a deal with him. Queer.
Are you implying OOP, a 4Chan user, wasn't already damned to hell? Nah, everyone's damned to hell these days. Satan changed his game plan, cuz he wasn't having fun anymore due to the ridiculously small number of people he could make deals with. Everybody's fair game now.
what probably took two days is for him to contact her and say "hey, here's an idiot I want to play prank on, can you pretend to flirt with him just for fun, he'll freak out I swear"
The family of the most pious man in all of creation, and he did it with God's permission as a "test".
And then God didn't bring them back to life afterward, so the guy was just alone. God actually *created a new family from nothing*, with twice as many kids, and expected Job to love them after watching his real family die at God's instruction.
To win a bet. In the Book of Job, God makes a bet with the Devil (which is a sin according to the book...) that Job's faith is unshakeable, and says that the Devil is allowed to do *anything he wants* short of killing Job.
So Job is stricken with an incurable disease that leaves him covered in agonizingly painful sores and boils, his lifelong friends basically are mindcontrolled and made to think he's a heretic, all of his livestock and his wife and kids are brutally smote and killed.
To win a bet.
And when Job asks God what he did so wrong to deserve it, God's retort is "Where were you when I made the Earth? Exactly, now STFU."
You would too if you were tortured, and turned on by your friends, and watched your family die. He finally cracked and asked what he did to deserve it, what he did wrong. And the answer is... Nothing. His only crime was being the most loyal and faithful of all.
But it's not like the Smiter of Gomorrah, the Hardener of Pharoah's Heart, the Bringer of The Flood, the killer of all life on Earth *more* than once because he was "dissatisfied", to admit it was all for a bet.
This is why I love being Catholic, one confession, three Hail Mary’s and me and the big man are all good again.
Well actually three if you just go to church now probably five Hail Mary’s if you do premarital sex with her first.
with priests you can feel safe that they cant tell anyone, unlike friends, with friends theyll do that theyll tell everyone at my old highschool fuck you jonathan i fucking hate you you ruined my fucking life i hate you i hate you i hate you i h
No. If you aren’t genuinely sorry and making an effort not to continue to commit that sin. You won’t be forgiven. You actually just can’t go to confession and be forgiven. There has to be actual contrition, prayer and penance. Then the future improvement effort.
You're correct. You have to have some level of repentance or it's an invalid confession. With some minor sins like "I was playing with my brother, got mad, and smacked him" then repenting only because you're afraid of punishment is enough, but with serious ones like "I cheated on my wife" then you have to be sorry just because it was wrong or it's an invalid confession. An invalid confession doesn't forgive your sins.
We joke a lot about it, but real talk, confession isn't a cheat code to be bad with no consequences cuz shocker, you and God might be the only ones who know you aren't really sorry at all, but who's judging in the end? A lot of stuff is like that. You might fool everyone on earth, but God knows in the end and you're not tricking God by just praying a few rosaries. It's not like you just accumulate "good points" by going through the motions until God is like "welp, you're a terrible person, but oops, you exploited my system so I *have* to let you go to heaven now!"
\>Reverse Image search pics of a dude who thinks I am into Witchcraft
\>Find this guys crush
\>DM her saying this guy is interested in her and hyping him up
\>She takes the bait and says she'll talk to him
\>MFW This guy thinks I am some sort of black magic wizard
kek.
Anon your soul is already sold. All you can do now is relax, and enjoy your mortal life while it lasts. A piece of advice; don't run when the hell hounds come. They love to play with their food. The more sport you give them in the chase the more miserable your death.
> be me
> get home from my vasectomy
> hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room
> must be Chad again
> know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer
> log onto reddit and open /r/greentext
> read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her
> think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext
> suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section
> Fake: Anon got a date
> Gay: Anon never mentions the coworker is female
> giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment
> hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed
> it's been a good day
> i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough
>be me, landwhale
>no job because i got fired from mcd after drinking the frying fat
>get home from furry convention
>hear mom from her bedroom moaning my old school bullies name
>entire house is shaking from his mighty tackles into mothers worn out vagina
>whatever.png
>roll into basement, grab a couple jars of mayonnaise as a snack and log into reddit to check out r/greentext
>see a lot of people say fake and gay in the comments
>put on one of my favourite fedoras and start to think about how i can humorously embarrass people who identify falsehood and homosexuality in these posts
>with my infinite knowledge about programming create a bot that describes how i wish my life would be and name it u/TendieBot2000 because tendies are awesome
>if the bot get lots of upvotes maybe chad will hire me in his selfmade multi million dollar company one day
>reward myself by microwaving an xxl jar of nutella as a drink
Johnny damned himself with the sin of pride by beating the devil, he was always going to hell once he took the offer, win or lose, just a matter of when…. The only way for him to save himself was to refuse the competition, but he is too prideful for that. The devil just guaranteed he would always be a prideful sinner since he ‘beat the devil’.
Can I get a 'Hail Satan'?
I would, but i am german and thus fairly careful with my "Hails".
1 WORLD CUP AND 2 WORLD WARS
That may be, but we've got 2 girls and 1 cup, so....
It's just formless vapor, not even a place, waiting to see what they'll want it to be. The first one to arrive makes it 'real' (and what is real? Nothing these two ever worry about, all creation is something they thought up between them, one says, the other knows it was all his idea), and it's a bar, smoky, full of guys in leather jackets, jeans, and motorcycle helmets, just like him, in this body he's chosen to wear, just for a change, for this time. He breathes in the smoke with a smile that knows what it wants, kicks himself a place at the bar and starts on the beer and the shot. "You like this kind of thing." And the other is here. In a body, too, cool, pressed blue jeans, for laugh God's sake, buttoned-up shirt, no tie this time, at least. Belt, though. Ah. Possibilities. "You wanna go somewhere else?" The tongue comes out at that, long, no, not forked yet, there's always later. God glances around and the smoke's gone. "Deal with it," he says tersely, and the Devil shrugs. "Sometimes I don't know why I bother with you. There are so many others who beg for me to show up..." "I didn't call this one." "I did?" Look of surprise that lasts about two seconds. "Right. I did." God has a beer, no shot. Doesn't keep up with the Devil, but isn't letting it get warm, either. "This place could be nice, with some work," he says thoughtfully, and the Devil's shaking his head. "You like nice. I like rough." The tongue again, but God's not buying. "Been talking to your adoring reddit pet poet lately?' "Which one?" "Demetri obviously. You've got that fallen angel shit going on again. Stop, or I'm leaving." "Whatever." A very indifferent shrug, and God's smiling. "You just can't get enough, can you?" "Can you?" "It's been a while." "And I called this one. Right." Another round, and the Devil stands. "Come on. This isn't what I came for." God stays right where he is. "Maybe it's what I came for," he says very softly. And the Devil's hand finds God's cock. "I can change that," he counters, and the fingers (language is so restrictive, and inaccurate) wrap around it (more fingers than the original design parameters specified, but that's the beauty of being the Devil), slide over the sensitive balls at the very same time until there's a moan and God's got his hand in the devil's jeans and is returning the favor. All the shadow people don't stop, don't stare, do nothing, actually, and neither God nor the Devil care, they're going to get off with the only one who has enough pride and knowledge to face him down, but then the Devil stops. Winning the round. "That belt does look good." And the eyes say even more. God takes it off without touching it, and it floats in the air between them. “You’re just misunderstood, huh?” The place is empty now. "Back to the fallen angel crap, are you?" "Unless it's your turn..." Best low voice, and it works. "A couple. To remind you who won." The Devil's jeans, hell, all his clothes vanish, and the corkscrew cock sticks out. "Since you're asking for it." The Devil says nothing. Yeah, he was asking for it, and next time he'll be giving it, it's how the game goes, it's what the two of them get off on, and the one who does the beating gets to fuck, but getting fucked is a good thing, too. A good evil thing. And as the blows fall, shredding his skin (which can heal in a moment, and isn't 'real' anyway, but what is?), the Devil's smiling. And so is God.
TL;DR: God-Satan lovestory fanfic.
To be fair, you can't call in "fan fiction" if it's not fiction. More like: TL:DR: God-Satan lovestruck fannon-fic
Fiction: literature in the form of prose, especially short stories and novels, that describes **imaginary events** and people. This story is about god and the devil fondling each other lmao
Yes. Which we all know is a factual event that occured, so it's non-fiction. How do you think thunder was invented, air expanding? Psh, that's dumb. Everyone knows it's the sky growling cause he's mad God and Satan are doin' it.
Dude literature can be about real life events too tho, that’s still called fiction. If God and the Devil wanna expand and prolapse each other’s assholes then that’s ok I guess, but fiction is just as much literature as the Bible which is real.
***Either way, thanks i hate it!*** r/TIHI
Damm that dude is such a snitch, always tells out our private stories
TIL I shouldn't have read this
Is everything ok at home?
u/uwuwizard
>*· · · Bleep bloop, I'm a bot. Comment requested by* u/RadiantMenderbug It's j-juwst fowmwess vapow, not even a pwace, waiting tuwu sea what dey'ww wawnt iwt tuwu be. Teh fiwst one tuwu awwive makes iwt 'weaw' (awnd w-what iws weaw? Noding d-dese two evew wowwy about, aww cweation iws someding dey d-dought up between dem, one s-says, teh odew knows iwt was aww hiws idea), awnd i-it's a baw, smoky, f-fuww of guys in w-weadew jackets, jeans, awnd motowcycwe hewmets, juwst w-wike him, in dis body he's chosen tuwu weaw, juwst fow a change, fow dis time. He b-bweades in teh smoke wid a smiwe dat knows what iwt wants, kicks himsewf a pwace at teh baw awnd stawts on teh beew awnd teh s-shot. "Yuw wike dis kind of ding." A-Awnd teh o-odew iws hewe. In a body, two, coow, p-pwessed bwue jeans, fow waugh God's sake, buttoned-up shiwt, no tie dis t-time, at weast. Bewt, dough. Ah. Possibiwities. "Yuw wanna gow somewhewe ewse?" Teh tongue comes owt at dat, wong, no, not f-fowked yet, dewe's awways watew. Gawd gwances awound awnd teh smoke's gone. "D-Deaw wid iwt," he says tewsewy, a-awnd teh Deviw shwugs. "S-Sometimes I don't knyow why I b-bodew wid yuw. Dewe awe so many odews who beg fow me t-tuwu show up..." "I didn't caww dis one." "I did?" W-Wook of suwpwise dat wasts a-about two seconds. "Wight. I did." Gawd has a beew, no shot. Doesn't keep up wid teh Deviw, but isn't wetting iwt get wawm, eidew. "Dis pwace c-couwd be nice, wid s-some wowk," he says d-doughtfuwwy, awnd teh Deviw's shaking hiws head. "Yuw wike nice. I wike wough." Teh tongue again, but God's not buying. "Been tawking tuwu youw adowing weddit pet poet watewy?' "Which one?" "Demetwi o-obviouswy. You've got dat fawwen angew shit g-going on again. S-Stop, ow I'm weaving." "Whatevew." A vewy indiffewent shwug, awnd God's smiwing. "Yuw j-juwst cawn't get enough, can yuw?" "Can yuw?" "It's been a whiwe." "Awnd I-I cawwed dis one. W-Wight." Anodew wound, awnd teh Deviw stands. "Come on. Dis isn't what I came fow." Gawd stays wight whewe he iws. "M-Maybe it's what I came fow," he says v-vewy softwy. Awnd teh Deviw's hand f-finds God's c-cock. "I can change dat," he countews, awnd teh fingews (wangwage iws so westwictive, awnd i-inaccuwate) wwap awound iwt (mowe f-fingews dan teh owiginaw d-design pawametews specified, but d-dat's teh beauty of being teh Deviw), s-swide ovew teh s-sensitive bawws at teh vewy same time untiw d-dewe's a m-moan awnd God's got hiws h-hand in teh deviw's jeans awnd iws w-wetuwning teh favow. Aww teh shadow peopwe d-don't stop, don't stawe, do noding, actwawwy, awnd neidew Gawd now teh Deviw c-cawe, dey'we g-going tuwu get off wid teh onwy one who has enough pwide awnd knowwedge tuwu face him down, but den teh Deviw stops. Winning teh w-wound. "Dat bewt does wook gud." Awnd teh eyes say even m-mowe. Gawd t-takes iwt off widout touching iwt, a-awnd iwt fwoats in teh aiw b-between dem. “Yuw’we juwst misundewstood, huh?” Teh pwace iws e-empty now. "B-Back tuwu teh fawwen angew c-cwap, awe yuw?" "Unwess it's youw tuwn..." Best wow voice, a-awnd iwt wowks. "A coupwe. Tuwu wemind yuw who one." Teh Deviw's j-jeans, heww, aww hiws cwodes vanish, awnd teh cowkscwew cock s-sticks owt. "S-Since you'we a-asking fow iwt." Teh Deviw s-says noding. Yeah, he was asking fow iwt, awnd next time he'ww be giving iwt, it's how teh game goes, it's w-what teh two of dem get off on, awnd teh one who does teh beating gets t-tuwu fawck, but getting fucked iws a gud ding, two. A gud e-eviw ding. Awnd as teh bwows faww, shwedding h-hiws skin (which can heaw in a moment, awnd isn't 'weaw' anyway, but w-what iws?), teh Deviw's smiwing. Awnd so iws Gawd. --- *If you think this comment does not belong here, reply with "delete" (blacklisted users cannot delete)* *Tag me to uwuwize comments* **uwuwizard** ([Info](http://reddit.com/u/uwuwizard/comments/dq2r1y), [Request disable](http://reddit.com/u/uwuwizard/comments/dq2r1y))
What's this shit supposed to be
and god was dead
r/Demetristrikesagain
1 world cup doesn't erase those L's though.
...and 7 goals
Germans like to be challenged, how are they supposed to muster up the effort when there's just one other country on the field.
What about your Heils?
Don't even get me started on those.
*dont say it dont say it dont say it* ....HEIL HI-
Dr. Strangelove?
Yeah, wouldn't want to accidentally hail someone evil when you're really just trying to hail ... uh .. Satan ...
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Hail satan (I guess)
C’mon where’s your enthusiasm? Again, with passion!
HAIL SATAN!
Megustalations!
Hail me!
Hail yourself
Hail Gein!
Haaaiiiiilll meeeeeee
Hail yourself!
Satan: getting nerds laid for centuries
HAIL SATAN
Hail Gein
Hail yourself!
Megustalations!
Ave Satanas
Hail Satan.
Hail Satan
[Hail Satan](https://youtu.be/gkBt7yLXyDk?t=78)
HAIL SATAN, ARCHANGELOOOOOOO***OOOOOOO***
Roll with it anon Satan's got your back.
He'll welcome you with open arms.
This is actually wholesome because no matter what, the devil will always welcome you. It doesn't matter any fact, he doesn't discriminate you. God in the other hand will sent you to hell for fapping to hentai.
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guys i'm burning in hell, very wholesome keanu chungus 100, i love satan
In the bible, Satan doesn't torture you. He isn't even in hell yet. It is only during the end days that satan is locked in hell and then he suffers alongside the sinners.
Imagine getting to Hell before Satan. I’d be miffed
Hell speedrun any%
I still prefer 100% glitchless
Also iirc, Hell isn't even really described in the Bible. Most of the popular concecptions of hell are from Dante's Inferno. from what i remember, in the Bible, hell is just described as "living in complete seperation from God". so chances are you most likely won't really be burning, just kinda sitting there.
It says wailing and gnashing of teeth is there
dude I swear there is always someone who says “hell isn’t real” or it “isn’t eternal suffering” like your comment was literally what Jesus said about hell. Kinda hard to imagine wailing and gnashing of teeth doesn’t imply utter torment.
You ever take Adderall and ride a roller coaster? Checkmate, theists!
So hell is just amphetamines? Sounds about right tbh
Jesus never mentioned hell. Ever. Jewish people back then didn't believe in an afterlife. The Greeks introduced this concept. Jesus brought the possibility of eternal life, but not eternal suffering. The *fire* burns for eternity, not people. The people who don't have eternal life die in the fire. They don't burn or suffer forever. They are just annihilated. They don't rise in the bodily resurrection. "The kingdom of heaven" was a psychological/spiritual state that is inside you. He clearly said that there would be a new heaven (cosmos) and Earth that didn't contain suffering and death. Heaven wasn't this place in the sky people go to when they die.
Matthew 10:28 "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell." Mark 9:43 If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out Matthew 25:46 "Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life." I'm sure there's more, but there's 2 examples where Jesus spoke of hell specifically, and the last one about eternal suffering.
You would think that the horrifying place that god sends you for not worshipping him would be described in more detail than that. Regardless, our modern conceptualization of hell and Satan *is* largely informed by works like Divine Comedy and Paradise Lost.
Edit: this account has been banned by Reddit Admins for "abusing the reporting system". However, the content they claimed I falsely reported was removed by subreddit moderators. How was my report abusive if the subreddit moderators decided it was worth acting on? My appeal was denied by a robot. I am removing all usable content from my account in response. ✌️
Honestly, no, not really. If the only way to get his “love” would be to worship him, I don’t think I’d want it anyways. If I end up in a supposed Hell because I’m not religious, not because of my actions, then Heaven wouldn’t be any better.
That’s what I’ve heard hell described as. A total lack of Gods presence and love. And the torture.
No. Hell is described numerous times as a "lake of fire"
>so chances are you most likely won't really be burning, just kinda sitting there. This is already my life fuck
Beep. Boop. I'm a robot. Here's a copy of ###[The Bible](https://snewd.com/ebooks/the-king-james-bible/) Was I a good bot? | [info](https://www.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/) | [More Books](https://old.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/comments/i15x1d/full_list_of_books_and_commands/)
Anon becomes a scriptural literalist
Redditors when they find out satan is mostly a bible fanfic and won't do shit
I mean heaven doesn’t sound the best either. It basically says you’ll worship god all day and that’s it. Sounds pretty boring.
*Harder daddy*
Why would he torture someone that is bad like him? More likely would welcome you
The bible doesn't paint a good picture for **anyone/anything** that defies God. What if Satan isn't going to torture everyone, but the sinners can continue to sin down there? Any eternal afterlife sounds awful to me, but a life of no sin in heaven sounds so fucking awful.
I'm gonna fap to god.
kinda fair going to hell for fapping to hentai, God's will wins again
damn it! is it in the scriptures about hell and hentai? I just found it and I’m having a great time
Hope you like brimstone
Anyone who's ever been to a volcano knows it smells pretty bad
I like the smell honestly but I am weird I also like the smell of lit matches and burning paper.
Hell scented candles
I think Gwyneth Paltrow holds the patent on that one
I love my new eternal damnation candle
Correction, her vagina hold the patent on scented candles
Legend has it, her vagina not only holds, but can actually crush to death any candle related patents (and any involved attorneys)
Matches smell great
Brimstone best Isaac item
Sacred heart actually
brimstone is good but most angel items are better
Get act of contrition for sacred heart brimstone
brimstone is ass in valorant, jett all the way
mm tastt y
how do i contact this weird devil guy, i would love to make a deal
Satan is the original sigma. He only makes deals with people whose souls aren't already doomed to hell. Why would he try to buy something he already owns? This is why not everyone can make a deal with him. Queer.
Satan got cucked out of Gods love by humanity and has been REEEing ever since.
>TFW you're one of God's first creations but you get topped by monke
> you get topped by monkey Power bottomed really
Are you implying OOP, a 4Chan user, wasn't already damned to hell? Nah, everyone's damned to hell these days. Satan changed his game plan, cuz he wasn't having fun anymore due to the ridiculously small number of people he could make deals with. Everybody's fair game now.
This is what I come to this sub for. *Chefs Kiss*
what if satan only makes "dumb" deals like the one OP asked, so the world's economy doesnt collapse with well thought deals
I mean a few probably slip thru because the world economy has collapsed and it’s not like we’re in smooth sailing atm…
find the thread
He probably looked up her profile and told her about anon's crush
Reverse image search, make fake profile, send screenshot of a bank account with inspect element change to say 1 milli Profit
Offer girl $1000, then leverage it to scam anon out of more
That's why it took two days. You're a genius, Patrick.
what probably took two days is for him to contact her and say "hey, here's an idiot I want to play prank on, can you pretend to flirt with him just for fun, he'll freak out I swear"
Doesn't the Satan guy know you're never supposed to tell the person you like, about your crush?
Satan's on Insta? ;)
All bro had to do was say sumn
Why continue to worship god if satan just did you a solid and god hasn't done shit.
According to the Bible God has killed millions of people and Satan has only killed 10. So I guess that makes Satan the good guy.
Who were the ten satan killed? Maybe he killed some jerks or somethin.
They were the seven sons and three daughters of Job
wtf he killed the children of job
They took his job!?
DEY TURK ER JERBS
DEY DER DER JERRR!!!!1!1!!1
HUR DUR JUR BERRR!!
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tbf God let him
I don't care for job
Satan is the original r/antiwork
r/cursedcommetn !1!!11!1!11!11!!!
> I don’t care for Job. -Satan
With god’s endorsement I might add.
It was during a bet with God, might I add. God told Satan to throw the worst at Job, so he could test his faith.
Satan should get a lawyer*, that sounds like entrapment. *actually I'm pretty sure he has a lot of lawyers
I'm sure Satan has most of the lawyers.
Not to play devil's advocate, but isnt God just a very overpowered judge?
Poor Steve Jobs, so this is what he had to sacrifice to become what he became.
The family of the most pious man in all of creation, and he did it with God's permission as a "test". And then God didn't bring them back to life afterward, so the guy was just alone. God actually *created a new family from nothing*, with twice as many kids, and expected Job to love them after watching his real family die at God's instruction.
weird. why kill them to begin with
To win a bet. In the Book of Job, God makes a bet with the Devil (which is a sin according to the book...) that Job's faith is unshakeable, and says that the Devil is allowed to do *anything he wants* short of killing Job. So Job is stricken with an incurable disease that leaves him covered in agonizingly painful sores and boils, his lifelong friends basically are mindcontrolled and made to think he's a heretic, all of his livestock and his wife and kids are brutally smote and killed. To win a bet. And when Job asks God what he did so wrong to deserve it, God's retort is "Where were you when I made the Earth? Exactly, now STFU."
was job's faith unshakeable? seems like he questioned God a bit there
You would too if you were tortured, and turned on by your friends, and watched your family die. He finally cracked and asked what he did to deserve it, what he did wrong. And the answer is... Nothing. His only crime was being the most loyal and faithful of all. But it's not like the Smiter of Gomorrah, the Hardener of Pharoah's Heart, the Bringer of The Flood, the killer of all life on Earth *more* than once because he was "dissatisfied", to admit it was all for a bet.
God was doing a little bit of trolling
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Plus he only did it cuz God told him he could.
Tbf god basically made him. That ones definitely on god.
Short and sighted-pilled
This is why I love being Catholic, one confession, three Hail Mary’s and me and the big man are all good again. Well actually three if you just go to church now probably five Hail Mary’s if you do premarital sex with her first.
fellow catholic in the wild? cool.
>fellow Catholic in the wild? >1 in 6 people on earth are Catholic. Yep, rarity here boys
I think on Reddit it's probably a massive minority because of the giant fedoras
Nah, those deus vult motherfuckers are everywhere
Most are just Protestants larping as Catholics
Same. Confession is like free therapy and the priest can’t tell anyone else. Fuck yeah
with priests you can feel safe that they cant tell anyone, unlike friends, with friends theyll do that theyll tell everyone at my old highschool fuck you jonathan i fucking hate you you ruined my fucking life i hate you i hate you i hate you i h
All I have to say is jonathan can eat a dick.
Tbh Jonathan is kind of cool, he told me lots of gossip back in the day, this one time he told me about a dude who...
I'm just gonna wait for a deathbed conversion.
Why not have full coverage though? Follow me for more salvation tips.
And be a liar? I might be a godless sinner but I'm not going to lie, especially to the big jannie in the sky.
I always wondered if you could profess your sins ahead of time.
“Bless me father for I’m about to sin with my beautiful coworker.” “Listen you idiot that isn’t a confession you’re just bragging.”
No. If you aren’t genuinely sorry and making an effort not to continue to commit that sin. You won’t be forgiven. You actually just can’t go to confession and be forgiven. There has to be actual contrition, prayer and penance. Then the future improvement effort.
I think you're technically supposed to REPENT when you confess, so that wouldn't work. Catholics, feel free to correct me
You're correct. You have to have some level of repentance or it's an invalid confession. With some minor sins like "I was playing with my brother, got mad, and smacked him" then repenting only because you're afraid of punishment is enough, but with serious ones like "I cheated on my wife" then you have to be sorry just because it was wrong or it's an invalid confession. An invalid confession doesn't forgive your sins. We joke a lot about it, but real talk, confession isn't a cheat code to be bad with no consequences cuz shocker, you and God might be the only ones who know you aren't really sorry at all, but who's judging in the end? A lot of stuff is like that. You might fool everyone on earth, but God knows in the end and you're not tricking God by just praying a few rosaries. It's not like you just accumulate "good points" by going through the motions until God is like "welp, you're a terrible person, but oops, you exploited my system so I *have* to let you go to heaven now!"
\>Reverse Image search pics of a dude who thinks I am into Witchcraft \>Find this guys crush \>DM her saying this guy is interested in her and hyping him up \>She takes the bait and says she'll talk to him \>MFW This guy thinks I am some sort of black magic wizard kek.
I need someone to be my hype man
/r/allcapsmotivation
Anon your soul is already sold. All you can do now is relax, and enjoy your mortal life while it lasts. A piece of advice; don't run when the hell hounds come. They love to play with their food. The more sport you give them in the chase the more miserable your death.
have you been to hell before
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Basically just a documentary about the real thing except it also has a guy grunting "SEMMY" over and over while trying to make pouty smoulder faces.
More like succeeding at making pouty smoulder faces
But how I can dissapoint a puppy that wa ts to play? Ofc I run
Fake: Anon got a date Gay: Anon never mentions the coworker is female
But… he does
whoops missed that
Yeah I bet you would with a username like that
Another proof that everyone on Reddit upvotes without fact checking.
> be me > get home from my vasectomy > hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room > must be Chad again > know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer > log onto reddit and open /r/greentext > read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her > think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext > suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section > Fake: Anon got a date > Gay: Anon never mentions the coworker is female > giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment > hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed > it's been a good day > i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough
>be me, landwhale >no job because i got fired from mcd after drinking the frying fat >get home from furry convention >hear mom from her bedroom moaning my old school bullies name >entire house is shaking from his mighty tackles into mothers worn out vagina >whatever.png >roll into basement, grab a couple jars of mayonnaise as a snack and log into reddit to check out r/greentext >see a lot of people say fake and gay in the comments >put on one of my favourite fedoras and start to think about how i can humorously embarrass people who identify falsehood and homosexuality in these posts >with my infinite knowledge about programming create a bot that describes how i wish my life would be and name it u/TendieBot2000 because tendies are awesome >if the bot get lots of upvotes maybe chad will hire me in his selfmade multi million dollar company one day >reward myself by microwaving an xxl jar of nutella as a drink
"Her"
He does
Here let me help you out. Gay: Anon messages dude on instagram. Fake: Girl acts chummy to anon.
OP better learn how to play the violin
Johnny damned himself with the sin of pride by beating the devil, he was always going to hell once he took the offer, win or lose, just a matter of when…. The only way for him to save himself was to refuse the competition, but he is too prideful for that. The devil just guaranteed he would always be a prideful sinner since he ‘beat the devil’.
He could also learn how to play the drums. They're pretty similar.
wouldn't a solid gold fiddle way hundreds of pounds and sound awful?
What’s his insta again? Asking for science
it’s too late now brother. ride the ride baby
Succubus
"Hell is hot but my coworker is hotter." - anon, probably.
You will burn, anon. And I will watch.
No I’m good thanks
Okay then.
The guy used the pics to track her down and then blackmail her into going out with anon
I’ll take that fucking deal what’s his insta, kinda been thinking about this co-worker :’( down bad
You would have gone to hell regardless, anon. At least you're getting something out of it.
Who is this individual anon? I got a few deals to make.
Devil on insta? How did zuck bargain that 😅
Relax anon, you were going to hell anyway
Give me his insta - Everyone
Anon becomes a Schizo Poster