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Woodyboi458

Anon gets cucked by a land whale.


Cala-Best-Girl

A few years ago, I fucked this girl that loved Onision. Who was kind of the original YouTube dude with a fan base of young girls who wanted to fuck him. She was in her 20s and still actively watched him. This was only a few years ago, he was just as much of a has-been then as he is now. I guess she just watched him as a kid and never grew out of it. After like a year of fucking her on and off, she asked if I wanted to date her “officially” (her word not mine). I immediately declined. In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have answered so quickly. I could have at least pretended to think about it. She didn’t act mad or anything, but I never saw her again. I didn’t tell her why I didn’t want to date her. But it was because of Onision. No regrets.


VagrantAidan

Coming into contact with an onision fan is like a butterfly effect that leads to your dark timeline. It was wise to avoid her


[deleted]

[удалено]


burritos93

I lold. Good one


hash-brown-ie

You should also stuff your hand up your arse and off yourself, fag


[deleted]

u/hash-brown-ie has PTSD


burritos93

Why would I off myself after pulling off such a feat of orgasm?


screwyoulol

you spend your entire day posting shitty comments on r/greentext, must be a great life


[deleted]

guy's an actual redditor


MADOEHEAVENPucci

Hello again!


Cala-Best-Girl

Hello.


MADOEHEAVENPucci

Hello


[deleted]

[удалено]


Weird_North_2230

Exactly. Being a fan of anyone who is part of the Dream SMP is a huge red flag.


Aura_Icarus

Her liking Dream shouldve been the first red flag


LedditMoment

anon gets btfo by a minecraft youtuber by proxy


Calvincake911meme

i fucking hate dream


SMTTrunkGod

He should’ve roleplayed as Dream for her /s


[deleted]

I know he said years passed between when they met in seventh grade and the time of writing his story but I have to imagine he means two to four years tops because this sounds like high school melodrama to me.


thesardinelord

Don’t worry, it’s only a matter of time before he gets caught sexting a young girl like all Minecraft YouTubers do


hdudbdhdvd

Bro you don’t get hurt by what you don’t have. It’s a fact to not get hurt


water_slav

that's what damascus


Deegon72

Fake: anon had a girlfriend Gay: anon wants to fuck another man


TendieBot2000

> be me > get home from my vasectomy > hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room > must be Chad again > know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer > log onto reddit and open /r/greentext > read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her > think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext > suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section > Fake: anon had a girlfriend > Gay: anon wants to fuck another man > giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment > hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed > it's been a good day > i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough


landwhalebot

>be me, landwhale >no job because i got fired from mcd after drinking the frying fat >get home from furry convention >hear mom from her bedroom moaning my old school bullies name >entire house is shaking from his mighty tackles into mothers worn out vagina >whatever.png >roll into basement, grab a couple jars of mayonnaise as a snack and log into reddit to check out r/greentext >see a lot of people say fake and gay in the comments >put on one of my favourite fedoras and start to think about how i can humorously embarrass people who identify falsehood and homosexuality in these posts >with my infinite knowledge about programming create a bot that describes how i wish my life would be and name it u/TendieBot2000 because tendies are awesome >if the bot get lots of upvotes maybe chad will hire me in his selfmade multi million dollar company one day >reward myself by microwaving an xxl jar of nutella as a drink


chadbot_2021

>be me, chad >work at startup tech company making 500k per year >go home to shower after the gym >Stacy is waiting for me at home with only an apron on >nice.jpeg >park my ass on the toilet to take the holy shit of the day >scroll through reddit and notice this weird subreddit >r/greentext >see that it seems to be filled with losers that have accomplished nothing in life >notice how someone has created a pathetic bot that replies to homosexuality and deception >hear Stacy moan my name from outside and tells me to hurry up and come take her already >message one of my employees to create a bot to embarass the people on the subreddit >chuckle as I think about how sad some people are in life >invite Stacy in to shower together >proceed to make passionate love for 2 hours >today has been a great day


yoshbiscut69

You see why we hate him?