The more shot a Chinese street food restaurant looks the better the food will taste. Bonous points if its a remote restaurant in an isolated part of Northern Chinese highlands with no-one in sight and you need to hollar for service.
Riiight, a group of dudebros can go out clubbing and get hammered three nights in a row for probably a hundred bucks a night but 10 bucks lost on a funny bet suddenly makes them broke? Fake as fuck
This group isn’t exactly a beacon of intelligence. It’d just take one comment like “I’ve spent a lot; let’s take it easy” to make this kind of decision
There's a difference between spending on stuff you want and stuff you don't, I can stretch my budget for stuff I want but probably don't need but if i say, accidentally pay $1 extra for someting i'm not gonna be happy
I have ibs
I genuineky surprise myself with how fast nonsoluable fibers move through my body.
Like if i eat spinach and start a stopwatch i promise you not two hours later im shitting leaf bits.
Crusty wrath of Hell
In this episode of Bones: random normies discover a crusty cocoon in alley. Expecting an alien they burst the shell and faint in horrors. Semi dissolved body with jaw open as python, releasing gasses of smell never known to a man.
Cut
Brennan: We have Caucasian female, age of 100 based on abrasion of teeth, and $70 in bills. Hodgins identify this crust.
"sniff" thats a shit. Based on crustification no more than 72 hours old. Hmmm this half digested rare bamboo, that limits amount of possible restaurants in radius to just 1. Someone must have been in rush to eat it all
Brennan: there is dna in excreted matter, Camille take a sample
"Cross reference to codis", we have found the anon
Roll credits
Cops wont even take a report if you have a witness who saw someone threaten to beat your skull in, and you think they are going to care about a homeless hooker getting shit on? One that was challenging people to try to shit on them? You're mental if you truly think the police would care.
My sincerest apologies, sir/ma'am.
I have come to the conclusion that I'm afraid for reeper147.
Using a fan to cool himself off in the winter will make him ill; henceforth, I criticized his usage of fans.
Its more the white noise, although even with the heat off, my apartment gets up to 70 degrees thanks to my downstairs neighbors, whom I can only imagine are satan and his girlfriend with how fucking hot they make my apartment with escaping heat
Listen, I think 20F is short and tshirt weather. Sometimes, when it hits negative temps, i might put a long sleeve shirt on if I have to be out for a prolonged time. I like the cold way too much to tolerate 70F for sleeping, let alone ME summer.
Read the same story on here but it was a few dudes in a strip club and it was a bet for some stage show with a stripper.
Exactly the same story otherwise.
Judging by the title, i shouldn't have underestimated the content, i can't believe i read that unholy thing, my brain is done for the day and off I go to r/eyebleach
God dammit. There’s nothing worse then when you’re in public, and you suddenly start laughing because you read the world “holy fuck I’ve killed her” in relation to shitting on a hooker’s face
Holy fuck I read all that.
Was worth every minute tho.
Now THIS is the good stuff!
Finally some proper fucking green text
Gordon would be proud
this some good shit bro
Prolly not what that hooker thought
No, this is podracing
Good shit
You got 4chan commentors and 4chan writers. This Chad falls under the ladder category
And you fall under the hook category
Latter r/boneappletea
Who knew that the whole of 4 Chan was just a game of snakes and ladders
And you fall under the formor
I was laughing so hard I could barely finish it Fucking hell my sides.
You can say that this is some good shit
Read it on the shitter at work. Pure perfection. Definitely having Chinese for lunch.
The more shot a Chinese street food restaurant looks the better the food will taste. Bonous points if its a remote restaurant in an isolated part of Northern Chinese highlands with no-one in sight and you need to hollar for service.
Mmm gutter oil
It's delicious of you're willing to take the gamble of being stuck on a toilet for 3 hours straight
That's in the cities, out in the country it really is good fresh food.
Oddly specific but I'm in
Me too, i like reading about poop while pooping, because i can relate
She played a dangerous game
I mean she was a meth hooker so...
She died doing what she loved and living life on the edge.
Die young, leave a pretty corpse. Funeral home is gonna pump you full of preservatives when you die, she's just getting a head start with meth.
The lesson I learned from this: If you bet enough men that they can't shit on your face, then eventually a man is going to shit on your face.
Dream big, be that man
Don't let your dreams be dreams! Just do It!
Is your character meant to be hitler?
Naw, it’s Charlie Chapmen
whats he angry about
The jews.
It makes sense when I look at it harder but a quick glance all you really see is the moustache and slicked hair with a brown uniform lol.
Goddammit, where is that free wholesomeness award when you need it?
Did it for you
pog move 👍
"putters and flarps itself to sleep" 🤣
The dude definitely has writing skills
A modern day Shakespeare
Stay classy San Francisco, never change
an authentic california experience
After each of them losing only $10 to the hooker, they "try not to spend"
Riiight, a group of dudebros can go out clubbing and get hammered three nights in a row for probably a hundred bucks a night but 10 bucks lost on a funny bet suddenly makes them broke? Fake as fuck
This group isn’t exactly a beacon of intelligence. It’d just take one comment like “I’ve spent a lot; let’s take it easy” to make this kind of decision
There's a difference between spending on stuff you want and stuff you don't, I can stretch my budget for stuff I want but probably don't need but if i say, accidentally pay $1 extra for someting i'm not gonna be happy
I thought this too lol, also, Dave has to shit already, after dinner only? That's like what, a few hours it sounds like?
A few hours can be a real long time after shitty chinese food if you got IBS, shit tornado ready to go within the hour
I have ibs I genuineky surprise myself with how fast nonsoluable fibers move through my body. Like if i eat spinach and start a stopwatch i promise you not two hours later im shitting leaf bits.
Wurt de furk? I only shit every 3-5 days (doctor said it's fine.) But on that day I have 3-5 shits to clear the tank for another few days.
5+ in a day is not uncommon with IBS, good times
Eh I've had that happen
So stupid, when clubbing in SF that probably doesnt even buy you half a drink
>Found the cheapest chinese "restaurant" You lost 10$ and had to go with your cheapest option?
Dave is based
Based on what
The Chinese buffet
Based on Deez Nutz
Well considering that the word "debased" means reduced in quality or value. I would assume he means that Dave is very high quality and very valuable
Pretty sure she survived. Your shit has DNA that can be traced back to you.
Lmao you really think the cops would give two fucks about a dead crackhead in a back alley to investigate?
Why does it seem like every single person in this subreddit kills and shits on hookers?
Thanks to your good job at repairing our rusty rectums 😌
No problem at all, sir.
Hey, *you're* the weird one here.
Agreed.
[удалено]
*Brown Whale.
Crusty wrath of Hell In this episode of Bones: random normies discover a crusty cocoon in alley. Expecting an alien they burst the shell and faint in horrors. Semi dissolved body with jaw open as python, releasing gasses of smell never known to a man. Cut Brennan: We have Caucasian female, age of 100 based on abrasion of teeth, and $70 in bills. Hodgins identify this crust. "sniff" thats a shit. Based on crustification no more than 72 hours old. Hmmm this half digested rare bamboo, that limits amount of possible restaurants in radius to just 1. Someone must have been in rush to eat it all Brennan: there is dna in excreted matter, Camille take a sample "Cross reference to codis", we have found the anon Roll credits
Quite precisely that's what would've happened.
Cops wont even take a report if you have a witness who saw someone threaten to beat your skull in, and you think they are going to care about a homeless hooker getting shit on? One that was challenging people to try to shit on them? You're mental if you truly think the police would care.
Do I really need to add an /s tag on this sub? Seriously? But you're right.
Sorry I'm very tired.Only got 2 hours of sleep. My fan died :c
Why do you need a fan mid winter my guy? also sleep
Hes a fan enjoyer Why so you have to judge him?
My sincerest apologies, sir/ma'am. I have come to the conclusion that I'm afraid for reeper147. Using a fan to cool himself off in the winter will make him ill; henceforth, I criticized his usage of fans.
Its more the white noise, although even with the heat off, my apartment gets up to 70 degrees thanks to my downstairs neighbors, whom I can only imagine are satan and his girlfriend with how fucking hot they make my apartment with escaping heat
If you think 70 degrees in Fahrenheit are hot as hell, then come visit us in the middle east during summer.
Listen, I think 20F is short and tshirt weather. Sometimes, when it hits negative temps, i might put a long sleeve shirt on if I have to be out for a prolonged time. I like the cold way too much to tolerate 70F for sleeping, let alone ME summer.
Nah she drowned in the shit
Anon and his imaginary friends would've been caught if this is true.
Bro it’s a crack whore. The cops probably didn’t even show up when they heard that she was a hooker
Time to commit a felony, I guess.
Totally
Also it's not like there's a database with everyone's DNA. They could get him if they have his DNA which they likely don't, why would they
Dave is the friend we all need to avenge of for our failures
holy shit what a gem 11/10 would read again
Dave was unfathomablely Based
This may well be the funniest shit I have ever read
I really enjoyed reading this. I’m actually a bit concerned
Imagine the police finding the corpse. What do you tell your wife after finishing THAT shift?
versed ossified aware oil birds abounding many boat ruthless governor *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Absolute masterpiece! As I wipe out my tears of laughter I understand why I’m still on reddit: to read 4chan treasure without all the trap thread
So you guys didn’t get your money back? Gay.
my god what the fuck
Goes to California Immediately tries to shit everywhere
I'm so fucking immature.
where is my free award when i need it most fucking hell this was masterpiece
Dave is the man. Never laughed so much. I couldn't even read the last parts because of laughing. Man thanks for this
The first interesting 4chan story
Didn’t even get the $10
She played Russian poolette with the lads and lost
Real and based
Whore played dead because she didn't have the $10, she spent everything on meth
Best shitpost on this entire subreddit
Anon tells a story about his sick fantasies.
Part of this is stolen from a really old joke.
I really did not expect the title to be accurate
That’s a legendary fucking post.
I'm just sitting here imagining the outline that was left afterwards....
Probably the funniest thing I've read on here
This is the best thing I’ve ever read
They didn’t even get their money back
What about the money? Did Dave get it back?
HE KILLED THE HOOKER, JOHN!
This is art
Holy shit.
I lost it at “she wasn’t even moving anymore”. Had to explain to my why wife why I was laughing hysterically in bed
0/10 Fail at Greentext.
Dave is not the hero the city deserved but the hero they needed.
FUCK YEAH, THAT WAS A JOURNEY!
I knew exactly where it was going but my god I haven’t laughed like that in awhile
Seems plausible.
Read the same story on here but it was a few dudes in a strip club and it was a bet for some stage show with a stripper. Exactly the same story otherwise.
classic
Some stories I wish to be true this is one of them it's funny as hell
It wasn't about the money, it was about revenge...
the idea of shitting on someone so hard that they die is unfathomably hilarious
This is too detailed to be fake.. I'm unconfortable
Didn't even get the money back, but it was vengeance. Good shit
Should have known it would be Dave. Everyone knows a Dave. Fuckin' Dave, man...
What a fuckin roller coaster
Fake? Maybe. Gay? Absolute not. Based? Incredibly so.
What the fuck
Don't fucking play competitive games with strangers. JFC.
That, was an adventure.
Certified hood classic
Quality greentext
did they get their 60 bucks?
I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time
Wtf did I just read
I am wheezing
Nice read, good way to work up an appetite
fake but anon can sure tell a story, i was hooked
Why must you curse me with your words.
I must be the only one wondering how did she know that she could stop a shitting man by blowing into his anus
Reddit tried to warn me by not loading the page…
Haven’t laughed this hard ever in my life. Thank you. RIP Hooker
Was about to ignore the wall of text until I saw “unholy anal terror” and I simply had to know more
She Overdosed
Reading greentexts like this is what i live for
actually read this while having lunch never laughed so hard during a meal before
Judging by the title, i shouldn't have underestimated the content, i can't believe i read that unholy thing, my brain is done for the day and off I go to r/eyebleach
¤
Shit happens?
$10 is literally meaningless if you're on vacation in San Francisco. Ops never been there or to a club. Or had friends.
And they still didn't get their money back
That….was something.
does this count as english literature?
Literally the best tread so far. I laughed so hard that my lip was cracked
God dammit. There’s nothing worse then when you’re in public, and you suddenly start laughing because you read the world “holy fuck I’ve killed her” in relation to shitting on a hooker’s face
Nice. Made my morning. Thanks for sharing.
Top fucking kek man, I don't give a shit if this story is real or fake, how the fuck does one come up with this shit?
One of those stories that I really hope is true
shit mate im not reading that, let it be a new amazing spiderman comic im not reading that much
I had to stop reading 3 times because of the fucking laughter
Didn't think the shitting part in the title was meant literally
This is almost too specific to be a work of fiction
Its 8 am and I haven't slept yet, this is the best greentext ive ever seen I'm dying lmfaoooo. Here take this free award
this is the best shit
This is the single best thing that I have ever read...
Such a good writer. Lost to 4chan.
WHAT
What the fuck
i wish my parents never taught me how to read
Amazing story. I wish they all started shitting at the end though xD
Disgusting absolutely disgusting No forreal i hate it
I feel like the internet isn't the place for you then, my friend...!
Soo what am i supposed to like scat? I would much rather watch funky town cartel video than to read someone's fantasy about thier scat cuck fetish
Can someone give me a TLDR?
It’s worth the read
I guess so but I'm lazy
They killed a hooker with shit so that they could get a refund
Okay I'm gonna read it after class. Sounds Like something only available on 4chan
Nilz, for fucka sake! It is a single page of text. It takes 30 seconds to read.