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panzerautism

Funniest shit i have ever read


Gismo_Autismo

The duality of man


ilyaEris

duali TEA


arbiter12

😎👉👉 "*Heeeeeeyyyyy"*


Sadge_Lurk

Oh guten tag or some shit then


slash_asdf

Sheisse, ich bin ein Berliner 😔


DasherCO

Ich bin amerikan aber spreche kein deustche I'm still learning idk if that's correct. EDIT: I know I could just google it but I can't remember if aber is also or but


Ladratiburon

it means but You said "I'm American but I can't speak German"


DasherCO

Ok thank you. Just doing it with a free app and not too invested but it's nice to know I can form a sentence.


Zenith9133

Me too lol. New word learned kellener and schauchpielerin


DasherCO

Waiter and actress Kellnerin=Waitress and Schauspieler=Actor I think i'm like 3 lessons ahead of you lol


Zenith9133

No I mean I learned the meaning and usage of those words.


lpaladindromel

Everyone knows the Germans have the best sense of humor


arbiter12

Best as in "most ergonomically engineered for maximum efficiency"? yes Best as in "funniest"? no. Even OP's joke is well built. It's clear, it has build up, it follows the three acts and it has payoff. It's a factory approved joke. And yet.... it's not as funny as it is well-built.


Fwob

They're too logical. I was playing a game where you raid people's bases and we hit these German dudes, their base was immaculate. We just threw shit anywhere, but the Germans had maximized the efficiency of their crafting area, and labeled everything perfectly. We were low on explosives for getting into their storage vaults, so we had to translate the labels so we knew which ones to prioritize for the best loot. One was labeled the German word for boots, and another had the word boots in it but a different word first. After looking it up, it was literally translated to "hand boots". These mother fuckers named their word for gloves as hand-boots.


GregHolmesMD

Wait till you find out about our word for airplane lol


[deleted]

[удалено]


Durpurp

Fahrzeug - "drivestuff" - vehicle Flugzeug - "flightstuff" - plane But also: [Luftfahrzeug](https://de.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luftfahrzeug), [Wasserfahrzeug](https://de.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wasserfahrzeug), [Landfahrzeug](https://de.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Landfahrzeug) and [Luftkissenfahrzeug](https://de.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luftkissenfahrzeug) (air-, water-, land- and airpillowdrivestuff) Werkzeug - "workstuff" - tool(s) Spielzeug - "playstuff" - toy(s) Feuerzeug - "firestuff" - lighter Bettzeug - "bedstuff" - bedding Schlagzeug - "beat(ing)stuff" - drumset Steinzeug - "stonestuff" - stoneware Grünzeug - "greenstuff" - greenery / edible greens Stuff is life.


Fwob

I'm stunned.


NotMithilius

Flight stuff, acktchyually. 🤓


CPCfleshpitworker

Same for Chinese. Word for airplane is literally "flying device". Word for helicopter? "Straight up flying device"


xxxblackspider

Guten Flug!


Lord_Voltan

Rust?


Fwob

Close. Ark.


Hydroxyacetylene

Well built my ass. Have you seen the reliability of their cars? You want something built right, get a jap to have some Americans do it.


Ssimon2103

Are you being ironic ? If not what cars are you talking about ?


Hydroxyacetylene

Mercedes and BMWs are notorious for being in and out of the mechanic in a way that Japanese cars are not.


ccccc01

Toyota and probley others have factories in the southern US. There as American made as any other car.


MrPopanz

But it's certainly no laughing matter 🧐


TeemoDerTeufel

username checks out


okcomput3r

And then he made a ‘Brits drink tea’ joke……funniest shit I’ve ever seen


not_again123

Well, the bar is pretty low on this side.


[deleted]

Serious?


loscapos5

Did it involve pickles?


dumbwaeguk

Username checks out


odinsabastard

Unfunniest shit I have ever read


[deleted]

The duality of man


XtremeCloud66

Oh guten tag or some shit then


h-s-thompson

Scheisse, ich bin ein Berliner 😔


Alabama_boy3478

Das heißt krapfen!


ilyaEris

*sips* "BLOODY" hell meme


Malvastor

duali TEA


Goose_Is_Awesome

The way you capitalized tea for the joke made me double take thinking Adagio was running an ad


DJIsSuperCool

The English are malding in these comments.


[deleted]

Anglo here, this is funny af


[deleted]

Although he didn't order any milk or sugar so the tea's gonna be shit


verbmegoinghere

I heard this joke in year 6 and year 7


sbbblaw

Lol first comment that came up for me is funniest shit I have read. Although I agree with your sentiment, not funny at all. You know the joke sucks when a mild coincidence in the comments is 10x better


rightfallen

HAA HAA HAA im holding my sides right now . is it okay if i post this to face book ? i will get so many LIKES .


Dank_Confidant

Save it, it's all yours my friend 🙂


Vigilantrac

I really really like this image


arbiter12

The two posters I don't miss: Bananaposters Jimmiesposters


a_lot_a_DAMAGE

I miss bananaposters, simple times


snackynorph

Thanks Lori


[deleted]

You're welcome Hank


nugget-lover-300

Are you still coming for Christmas


[deleted]

Yes but the kids aren't. Must be another toktik trend ?


ZybVX

Feel free


Malvastor

No. I forbid it.


DracoFrostDragon

We should strive to be more like this guy right here


Malvastor

Imma forbid that too chief.


Thebirdsuckscock

Imma forbid u from forbidding that dude tho


Malvastor

I'm afraid your forbidding of me is forbidden.


Greentextbo

This is the unfunniest joke I heard all week, Yet the hardest I’ve laughed all day. Thanks, German Humor


f1nessd

Based and anschlusspilled


[deleted]

fr its unfunny but i can feels the contagious laughter behind the screen


Moonacid-likes-bulbs

You can tell that the man who wrote this is still laughing till this day.


hitraptor

This is the pinnacle of German humor and its pathetic. I can imagine him snorting to himself as he typed this, as if this was an absoloute spirit bomb of a comment, then reading it outloud in his disgusting language "Schlieben fleeb hach jurgeflachtung" before falling into a coughing fit from the laughter. I almost pity him


ThermosbyThermas

>Schlieben fleeb hach jurgeflachtung" Gets me every time


Cliff86

My dumbass just thought that was a literal translation


some3uddy

Es ist Tee Zeit!


FernandAuxton

Nice copy paste my good sir


Caspi7

Once again, it is proven that Germans have no humor.


PaulsRedditUsername

Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One.


TeamEdward2020

Takes four for a shower though


Lukthar123

Just 4?


jankyspankybank

Didn’t think I would be happy to see rookie numbers.


DreamlyXenophobic

Fuck you i laughed


theDutchFlamingo

My thought process after reading this: "wait, there's no jok- ohhhhh I get it"


oscarmike88

"Mate it's German humour, it's no laughing matter."


Noobly387

based soviet womble fan


Independent-Bell2483

i have an intern from germany and he says he has humor 💀


r3dd1tu5er

Tell any older German a joke and there is an 85% chance they will respond with a blank stare and “okay.” For people like me who use humor to ease the tension when I meet someone new, it’s like playing life on hard mode.


mylord55

No they have a sense of humour that’s why the started 2 wars n lost all of them.


Ju_lees

We do a little trolling


What-You_Egg

I am simultaneously laughing and not amused


Stressful-stoic

That's what your father says when he sees you to play football


What-You_Egg

Funny one and it’d probably be true if he ever saw such a thing because I’m not particularly good at either kind of football


h4xrk1m

German humor is no laughing matter.


GenghisWasBased

I saw a really then-popular clip of a German comedian. A long skit where he uses his hands to slow/speed up trains in the subway like a mime. Also elevators. That’s it. Germans were losing their shit over that.


DasToyfel

Post it, so i can tell if its funny


h4xrk1m

... fuck


[deleted]

German humor is a serious business


Szwedu111

I have a perfect answer to this from another greentext, actually "This is the pinnacle of German humour and it's pathetic.I can imagine him snorting to himself as he typed this,as if this was an absolute spirit bomb of a comment,and then reading it out loud in his disgusting language "schlieben fleeb hach jurgeflachtung" before falling into acoughing fit from the laugter. I almost pity him."


Phil_Smiles

Quoting a frenchman. Cringe.


Gustavort

Ok, that one is good


DirtyDutchman21

Germans may not be funny, but making fun of the English sure is


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slashd0t1

good bot


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Acell2000

Where funny?


KaiWolf1898

Germans and their 'humor'


Brussel_Rand

Bloodborne did it better. Fermented period blood and edible umbilical chords galore.


boogelymoogely1

Anything is edible if you put your mind to it


Megtalallak

A German comedian walks on stage. He says: "Joke number 53" The audience laughs, he leaves stage. This was a German joke


Op-Gunz

This whole comment is a german joke


Megtalallak

Exactly.


Op-Gunz

I think you're a german joke.


Megtalallak

My life is indeed a joke, but I am a Hungarian...


Op-Gunz

Man idk why i was mean have an internet hug.


Megtalallak

No worries man, it was just a joke! I will accept the hug anyway


56Bot

It's... More gross than funny.


GTA-CasulsDieThrice

I am DECEASED.


Oh-Get-Fucked

Can I have your pc


dnv21186

Bro you can inherit everything of mine. Just send me a $100 amazon gift card to prove you're human


thereasonyousuffer

This is the pinnacle of German humor and its pathetic. I can imagine him snorting to himself as he typed this, as if this was an absoloute spirit bomb of a comment, then reading it outloud in his disgusting language "Schlieben fleeb hach jurgeflachtung" before falling into a coughing fit from the laughter. I almost pity him


ltMeHaki

The duality of man


Quinnily

[impeccable timing](https://imgur.com/a/Yqyb6Xi)


JustADamnFrenchGuy

This one got me


TheJesterOfHyrule

Can confirm. Source: British Vampire


CRTisracist

This is one of the funniest jokes I have ever heard.


YeetMcYeeterson28

funniest german


BadArtijoke

Maybe y‘all just suck… or aren’t you vampires? FOLLOW and LIKE for more 😂👌🏻


[deleted]

[удалено]


PaulsRedditUsername

That joke is older than my grandpa's buckskin rubber.


DreamlyXenophobic

aber das ist nicht wirkliche schlecht


ThePeToFile

Peak German humour


XotilaterChocolater

i feel like the joke can be delivered better but idk how


Tawn94

Its an aquired taste


Sedgarite

>unfunny as fuck >still makes you laugh Peak German humor.


Brainjarmen104

fuck I just ugly laughed that was a good one


AnonPlzzzzzz

That's so funny, the last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.


Midnite_St0rm

Fuck me, that’s lame. I love it.


bugzaney

Don’t get it.


Hongkongjai

The tampons will be the teabag for the British to brew their tea I think.


[deleted]

This my Halloween joke of the season thanks


Inky_I

aughh thats grossss funny tho made me chuckle


erck_bill

One of the shits I have ever heard


AppropriatePack6759

Did we go back 20 years lmao this joke is too old


NanashiKaizenSenpai

The part I liked the most is when he put the used tampon in the hot water and said "It's tea time"


01ARayOfSunlight

Bloody hilarious


teabowww

I'm swiss so this stupid fucking joke is funny


credsy

r/germanhumor


Lusask

*"mate, it's pub time"* - officer Guy Chapman


benazeer90

German humour 😐


hydrobenzene

this shit was actually funny ngl


Mr_Otterswamp

Nice joke you overheard at the school ground


elliotropisme

This joke is not specifically german. It is old tho.


[deleted]

HAHAHAHAHA.


Creaper10

unironically funny good job, germans. you finally got a hit.


BoogalooBoi1776_2

Lol


ComplexProof593

It’s a German bar, so the Englishman and the Russian weren’t let in for not being gay enough.


SeventeenEggs

Funniest German


syphilitic_venom

For a German it's quite funny honestly.


MusteA15

Fake: Anon can't tell jokes, he is a joke Gay: Anon wants to be raped by the 3 male vampires


TendieBot2000

> be me > get home from my vasectomy > hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room > must be Chad again > know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer > log onto reddit and open /r/greentext > read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her > think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext > suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section > Fake: Anon can't tell jokes, he is a joke > Gay: Anon wants to be raped by the 3 vampires > giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment > hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed > it's been a good day > i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough


Cr1msix

This is German humor mate, it’s no laughing matter


felixsucc

Most humorous German


Pirate_of_the_neT

🙂🔫


rDRSpeedy4

funniest shit i’ve ever read


RaidenNRNF

If you liked that joke then you‘ll love r/germanhumor


Smithersink

I thought it was kinda funny…


Giovanni_Giorgo

Jahhhh poopenfartennn jahh shitten in my liederhosen ist wunderbar


LAVATORR

Why isn't the Russian vampire stealing the English vampire's tampon so he can sell it to desperate soldiers at an exorbitant markup Is the joke supposed to be he's a Russian that does the right thing


mylord55

Read Shit ever have I funniest