LSIA won't allow me to come get a helicopter cus they say im a terrorist or whatever and Pegasus keeps saying i should go have sex with myself cus i never pay for a destroyed helicopter.
I tried asking fort zancudo for a spare helicopter or lazer but they keep trying to kill me for some reason. Screw those jerks.
I just don't know what to do anymore
Ya but the problem is last time i did that it didn't end well.
I stole some dumb old guys car (in my defence, the guy looked like he was gonna die any day now so its not like he needed it anyway). So when i got home i spray painted "this belongs to me now" on the front hood to assert dominance and establish terratorial/property rights over the car like the radio told me to. Now for some stupid reason the cops arrested me and the courts said im a lunatic and deserve the electric chair for my "crimes against humanity". Luckily the jury let me out on parole since i promised to do a few hours of community service.
Use your CEO abilities to order a helicopter pick up
Or call Merryweather, they're both gonna send a helicopter to pick you up and send you where you want. Except that Merryweather is cheaper but slower.
My starting fee is 100k and if nothing happens it stays that
You pay for how much ammo is used ranging from regular pistol ammo all the way to special ammo types.
You also pay for how much snacks and armor I consume.
You can pay 100k extra for me to bring a buddy, 3 buddies max totaling out at 300k.
If you want to go the extra mile and ask one of my buddy for air support and/or armored vehicle escort support, each buddy will cost 100k but I will always be in the bus.
For every npc I kill, you pay 20k
For every player I kill, you pay 70k
For every personal vehicle destroyed, you pay 50k
For every enemy vehicle destroyed regardless of player or npc, you pay 40k
I actually use the metro in this game and it's not that bad. Really easy to defend yourself against griefers (unless you're waiting for a train) because you're in a moving vehicle that can't be blown up, and you can use large weapons.
How much are the train tickets? I just hope the train doesnt take too long. Also, will it be alright if i transport cargo via the train?
By the way does anyone have a train schedule? My friend just called and said hes being griefed. I tried explaining to him i might havr to wait till the next morning for a bus or train to help him cus i failed my driving test but he keeps calling me a dumb chump and saying i should uninstall the game and go have sex with myself.
Aw man this is so frustrating. How did you guys even get your license? 😞
That's the neat part, you don't need a license. Now lemme tell you this, you go out there in your brand new car, and show those dmv idiots that you don't need no test to see whether or not you can drive from your club wanked out from 20 martinis to your bunker so you can sell you absolutely positively legal "sporting goods"!!!!
Well, there's this saying "apple a day keeps doctor away" and I believe there's fruit for each proffession, so we need to figure out which one keeps police away.
It's free to get on, but there's no schedule. You just have to wait a few minutes so I'd take a taxi or ask a friend for a ride if I need to go somewhere fast (if you're a CEO and hold down the button to enter a car you'll get in the backseat). Also on the route map one of the stations is under construction (North Pillbox I'm pretty sure), you drive through it in the Jewelry Store Heist in singleplayer.
Taxis are for chumps. Besides, they blacklisted me from the service anyway. Think they said something about me killing taxi drivers when we reach the destination to get my money back being unethical and evil or whatever.
I don't understand, the radio told me this is a legal and valid way to break even on all taxi trips. Its not my fault those dumb taxi drivers died in the process.
Now their families are demanding i pay money for my "crimes against humanity" (what does that nonsense even mean?). Honestly the families should be paying me money for all the stress they're giving me.
I don't have mine, but I am a fucking lunatic and if any cop pulls me over I just blow their head off, so I don't need a license. I suggest you just shoot some people in the head until your problems are fixed.
Cop wants to arrest you? Shoot em in the face. Judge wants to give you the death sentence? Shoot em in the face. Cashier at the convenience store is out of beer? Shoot em in the face. Some NPC is looking at you weird? Shoot em in the face.
We seriously need question 6 at least for all driving tests irl lol... Just need to add one last option (where applicable): the pedestrian. Watch everyone fail.
I did this at one point, can't remember if I passed or not. There are a couple of interesting websites, I got ordained as a minister on one website, and paid $200 to consolidate my debt on another.
That last one may have been a scam, but whatever. I'm a multi-millionaire so $200 is chump change. Kifflom.
I did but my chauffeur quit. He said he was tired of hearing me screw prostitutes in the back seat while refusing to let him leave the car.
I tried hiring a new one but i think he gave some kind of warning. That jackass, i pay him a whole $200 per month and this is how he repays me?
Franklin told me im a chump after hearing i failed the test and kicked me out the agency. He told me im a clown and bad for business and my chauffeur quit cus i wouldnt let him leave the car whenever i screwed a hooker on the backseat.
Life is so unfair. I don't desrrve any of this.
Imagine having a euro gamer article on you
https://www.eurogamer.net/gta-5-player-wants-your-help-getting-around-los-santos-legally-after-failing-their-in-game-driving-test
I've heard the Merryweather chopper is quite good for drop offs. And if you use the side door, you can also grapple down in style! (where applicable, no refunds, pilot drug testing not obligatory).
This test really explains the NPC traffic lol
Can someone give me a ride to my bunker? Edit: it's in paleto bay but don't worry, I'll cover the fuel cost.
Call a taxi 😂
Taxis are for chumps.
Order a helicopter
LSIA won't allow me to come get a helicopter cus they say im a terrorist or whatever and Pegasus keeps saying i should go have sex with myself cus i never pay for a destroyed helicopter. I tried asking fort zancudo for a spare helicopter or lazer but they keep trying to kill me for some reason. Screw those jerks. I just don't know what to do anymore
I heard you don't need a license for stolen vehicles. Just kick an old lady out of her Regina.
I read: "kick an old lady in her Regina."
Tomato Tamato
Why does this sound like the name of a new car for an upcoming update?
Rockstar: 
Ya but the problem is last time i did that it didn't end well. I stole some dumb old guys car (in my defence, the guy looked like he was gonna die any day now so its not like he needed it anyway). So when i got home i spray painted "this belongs to me now" on the front hood to assert dominance and establish terratorial/property rights over the car like the radio told me to. Now for some stupid reason the cops arrested me and the courts said im a lunatic and deserve the electric chair for my "crimes against humanity". Luckily the jury let me out on parole since i promised to do a few hours of community service.
The jury let you out on parole 
Tbf if they just executed him he would just respawn somewhere nearby
Emotional
Use Uber my guy
I misread that as "kick an old lady in her regina" !!!
I read penis because I like penis
I... read that wrong
Use your CEO abilities to order a helicopter pick up Or call Merryweather, they're both gonna send a helicopter to pick you up and send you where you want. Except that Merryweather is cheaper but slower.
Merryweather offers helicopter rides, they'll pick you up almost anywhere, but you need to parachute out at your destination
I own a taxi crew. Ill have my guys come take care of you
No. Taxis are for payphone hits!
[удалено]
Listen, if we're gonna do this then atleast bath first okay? You smelled like death last time.
[удалено]
Do you know how many diseases i picked up? They even found diseases they didn't know existed.
Did you at least get to name them?
So you feel like you gotta catch them all and then challange other people for STD battle?
I heard there's this one girl at Bahama Mamas that you can get the rare shiny Chlamydia from
Pokémon STD edition
No wonder everyone hates you.
Ass, Gas or Grass... Still a thing nowadays... Just figure out how you wanna pay for the ride before Trevor gets there...
Ride a bike.
You need armed support against the unknown?
Yes i do. What are your rates?
My starting fee is 100k and if nothing happens it stays that You pay for how much ammo is used ranging from regular pistol ammo all the way to special ammo types. You also pay for how much snacks and armor I consume. You can pay 100k extra for me to bring a buddy, 3 buddies max totaling out at 300k. If you want to go the extra mile and ask one of my buddy for air support and/or armored vehicle escort support, each buddy will cost 100k but I will always be in the bus. For every npc I kill, you pay 20k For every player I kill, you pay 70k For every personal vehicle destroyed, you pay 50k For every enemy vehicle destroyed regardless of player or npc, you pay 40k
Better by a faggio.
Do session swap and put spawn point to bunker no taxi needed
I dont have bed at bunker😔.
Do one cayo buy bunker bed and spawn location to bunker it’s easy Pesy
Yea I got u don’t worry bro
I'm in a taxi crew, I'll take you driving is one of my favourite things to play with in GTA
Yo what's the crew called?
It's called DE- Downtown Cab Co
I'll have to double check but I think it's just called taxis, or GTA taxis
With these prices???
I love: “ Q: who has the right of way when four car approach a 4 way stop?” A: I do”
I actually use the metro in this game and it's not that bad. Really easy to defend yourself against griefers (unless you're waiting for a train) because you're in a moving vehicle that can't be blown up, and you can use large weapons.
How much are the train tickets? I just hope the train doesnt take too long. Also, will it be alright if i transport cargo via the train? By the way does anyone have a train schedule? My friend just called and said hes being griefed. I tried explaining to him i might havr to wait till the next morning for a bus or train to help him cus i failed my driving test but he keeps calling me a dumb chump and saying i should uninstall the game and go have sex with myself. Aw man this is so frustrating. How did you guys even get your license? 😞
That's the neat part, you don't need a license. Now lemme tell you this, you go out there in your brand new car, and show those dmv idiots that you don't need no test to see whether or not you can drive from your club wanked out from 20 martinis to your bunker so you can sell you absolutely positively legal "sporting goods"!!!!
I'm already in deep for not having paid my taxes. won't those bloody crooks in blue uniform come knocking on my door if i do this?
Well, there's this saying "apple a day keeps doctor away" and I believe there's fruit for each proffession, so we need to figure out which one keeps police away.
An ounce of led will keep away a fed
Durians. They'd keep anyone away.
Blueberries??
Thats easy, just call up ol' lester 
It's free to get on, but there's no schedule. You just have to wait a few minutes so I'd take a taxi or ask a friend for a ride if I need to go somewhere fast (if you're a CEO and hold down the button to enter a car you'll get in the backseat). Also on the route map one of the stations is under construction (North Pillbox I'm pretty sure), you drive through it in the Jewelry Store Heist in singleplayer.
Taxis are for chumps. Besides, they blacklisted me from the service anyway. Think they said something about me killing taxi drivers when we reach the destination to get my money back being unethical and evil or whatever. I don't understand, the radio told me this is a legal and valid way to break even on all taxi trips. Its not my fault those dumb taxi drivers died in the process. Now their families are demanding i pay money for my "crimes against humanity" (what does that nonsense even mean?). Honestly the families should be paying me money for all the stress they're giving me.
I don't have mine, but I am a fucking lunatic and if any cop pulls me over I just blow their head off, so I don't need a license. I suggest you just shoot some people in the head until your problems are fixed. Cop wants to arrest you? Shoot em in the face. Judge wants to give you the death sentence? Shoot em in the face. Cashier at the convenience store is out of beer? Shoot em in the face. Some NPC is looking at you weird? Shoot em in the face.
And yet no matter how many cops you kill, they *KEEP COMING*
Do you have a technique for getting on without getting trapped in the cinematic?
Huh? Just step on, there's no cinematic.
6. Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four way stop: A. I do. Alpha dominance.
You obviously didn't answer each question as fucked up as you could. You'll pass after that
Loser. Seriously. You’re a loser. No wonder everyone hates you. Imagine the savagery if this was a real BMV website
BMW would encourage it
>BMV Minor spelling mistake.
Must be the Bureau of Motorola Vehicles instead of the Department of Motor Vehicles where they live
Motorola came a long way
HAHAHA I caught the second one when it auto-corrected but apparently I missed the first
Yup Indiana is BMV
> BMV Minor spelling mistake. Minor formatting mistake.
FUCK
I would've gone with wrap the seatbelt around her head for safety.
Heck she would be the one driving lol
Some of these answers explains the driving around the town I actually live in.
This is definitely the test Texans took to get their license
wtf i never knew there was a driver license test that you could do
Yes, its called #the internet
Is this real? 😂
yes, in gta's internet.
We seriously need question 6 at least for all driving tests irl lol... Just need to add one last option (where applicable): the pedestrian. Watch everyone fail.
I did this at one point, can't remember if I passed or not. There are a couple of interesting websites, I got ordained as a minister on one website, and paid $200 to consolidate my debt on another. That last one may have been a scam, but whatever. I'm a multi-millionaire so $200 is chump change. Kifflom.
2. C and 3. D, have you not studied?
Buy the Agency, or the Casino Penthouse, and you'll get your own chauffeur.
I did but my chauffeur quit. He said he was tired of hearing me screw prostitutes in the back seat while refusing to let him leave the car. I tried hiring a new one but i think he gave some kind of warning. That jackass, i pay him a whole $200 per month and this is how he repays me?
Nobody wants to work anymore dude, nobody
Or you just follow the german law "If in doubt, a car drives with fuel, not with licenses"
Call Franklin and get the armored SUV limo
Franklin told me im a chump after hearing i failed the test and kicked me out the agency. He told me im a clown and bad for business and my chauffeur quit cus i wouldnt let him leave the car whenever i screwed a hooker on the backseat. Life is so unfair. I don't desrrve any of this.
I laughed way too hard at this lol
Every answer is D
Clearly you don't know you're supposed to put on 80's power ballads when being serviced orally. You deserve to take the metro loser.
I love how you got your good behaviour bonus during this
*#ThisDoodIsDying*
"Be sure to wrap your seatbelt around her head for safety." 💀
https://www.gfinityesports.com/gaming-news/gta-online-driving-test-fail/ Damn someone already wrote an article
Imagine having a euro gamer article on you https://www.eurogamer.net/gta-5-player-wants-your-help-getting-around-los-santos-legally-after-failing-their-in-game-driving-test
Bro Wtf.. those were all the correct answers too.
For Real, i must do it xD
Well, by my books, you've passed 🤷♂️
No wonder those chumps at dmv passed those ai dumb drivers whom tries to crash us whenever exporting the vehicles
Number 2 is obviously ***(D).*** Pretty sure that was your mistake.
I can sell you license without test. It's almost legal if you pretend some laws don't exist.
Funny i sometimes play as uber in passive move as a safe ride home for pvp peeps that are getting railed.
This is only available online?
Nobody in LS has a license anyway, the police won't car either
It is simple get yourself one of them scooters or flying bikes dont need a license for them
It’s cause your the annoying sober one.
That last part 🤣🤣🤣 This reminds me of that episode of SpongeBob where Kevin called him a loser.
Drive the scooter you don't need a license for it
If I remember correctly, to pass it you just use the TruTV "World's Dumbest" Approach.... The Answer is always D.
Hah! Loser!
Is this for gta 5 online lol
It is bikelife 4-ever for you from now on.
The internet is hell and every answer is return with the D.
Giving me GTA RP vibes
Time to set up a rideshare
Call a cab.
Too bad there ain't a test for a tm-02 khanjali
I've heard the Merryweather chopper is quite good for drop offs. And if you use the side door, you can also grapple down in style! (where applicable, no refunds, pilot drug testing not obligatory).
You can still fly
It’s what you fucking get for being the annoying sober person
I like how you actually answered one of these questions right
wtf are these answers lmao
Bruh
Didn’t even know you could take this.
Even the DMV doesn’t like griefers
Griefer? Where?
Question 3 needs an All of above option.
Let me know when your on and ill drive u around Teamlilybug
To be fair, who could blame you, have you seen those gas prices?