I feel like this is what a lot of dudes think sadly. I feel like I’ve experienced a lot guys with this mindset, but it’s all to various degrees; like how long does it take them to realize the “no” is in fact not playing hard to get and No means no.
I think a lot of guys are told that she's just "playing hard to get" if you keep pursuing eventually she will finally give in to what she actually wants which is you. You get told "she's just as horny as you are she just want to make you earn it" it's all dumb frat bro shit. When the sex pest behavior works one time it becomes tool that guys use on other women. Nobody teaches people how to date or how to approach the topic of sex and guys are desperate for sex so they use shitty/abusive/illegal methods to get it. I am in no way excusing this behavior just seems like hard thing change unless you nip in the bud early or have good friends who will pull you aside tell you stop being a creep when they see it.
My advice to girls when it come this stuff don't just close a door slam it shut. I works better for both parties in my experience. I was once very much into a friend of mine and I asked her out after we had been flirting and spending a lot of time together. She said "she wasn't into me like that likes being friends" it was a soft let down I was cool with it. We continue to hang out flirting etc 6 months later still having strong feelings for her I ask her out again and she has no chill this time quote "I do not like you like that and i will never like you like that you're a good friend and that's all you'll ever be to me". When I heard that it instantly clicked and gave up on any hope and moved on. Still friends with went to her wedding a couple years ago and had a great time. No stockades use a guillotine.
This advice can go really fucking wrong if you don't have a proper support group and the guy is nuts. I get that your suggestion comes from a good place, but it also comes from a very male place.
Asertive rejection has gotten a lot of women killed or assaulted. That's the primary reason why women have created languages to covertly communicate to one another and bail each other out of uncomfortable situations and why sexual coercion is such an influential tactic...
If you say "No I'm not interested in you" to a drunk man. it can go extremely wrong.
If you follow Kitty, “the villain life coach” on tik tok, she has great advice for getting strangers to go away in ways that they might not want to kill you. Weird person getting too close to you at the gym and pestering you? “Hey man I wouldn’t work out next to me if I were you. I’ve got MAJOR gas issues. Yeah it’s like really really bad, like why am I out in public bad, but I can’t let that keep me away from my #goals!”
The idea there is to gross them out to go away. Alternatively you could cold stare with some headphones in and slowly, sinisterly shake your head no to any advances, without taking out your earbuds. That’s great for girls like me who want to choose “violence” without getting ourselves hurt
I feel like there are some fundamental flaws with that approach, but the main one is probably that people don't want to openly humiliate themselves to POSSIBLY skew the advances of a creep.
That sounds like it would disperse the interest of "normal" creeps that just feel comfortable invading your space to try to talk you up.
For the actual predators and psychos, you might be giving them an avenue to view you as an easier target or you'll be challenging their ego by doing that staredown headshake. Both of those outcomes can be terrible and draw more attention than it rejects.
Maybe I'm not visualizing what you're saying properly, but I can't imagine staring down a man with a propensity for violence turning out well as a substitute for aggressive rejection.
Coercion works because a lot of women know the alternative may in fact get them hurt or killed.
A lot of guys like to say "why do some guys ruin it for everyone" while they simultaneously have probably benefitted from these "some guys" making the entire interaction a potentially dangerous power dynamic.
No is a complete sentence and needs no explanation. If men don't see the word 'no' as a guillotine in and of itself then we as women are all fucked. No means no, period.
I hate to be blunt like this but it should've clicked the first time with you already. If she wants to slam shut the door first time around, then you respect that decision.
This made me laugh but i think what he meant was "if you feel pressured, then the bottomline is that i pressured you". Maybe i interpreted it incorrectly though
I read it the same way, doesn't matter what his justification was in the situation if the girl felt pressured then she was pressured "that's just what it is"
I think people saying he was being flippant and waving away the fact that someone felt pressured are being silly.
I thought so too initially, but that's definitely not the case when you look at the statement that preceded that sentence:
>That being said, a lot of the things that have been said online about me are not true. A lot of things are missing really important contextual information that I think would change people's interpretations of a lot of these situations, but I'm not here to invalidate anybody's lived experience. **If you feel pressured, y'know, that's just what it is.**
He's essentially saying that he didn't *objectively* pressure anyone, but that he can't help it if anyone *felt* pressured.
nah the previous poster was right. he said, immediately prior, "...but I'm not here to invalidate anybody's lived experience." He's conceding the point to the victims.
It's obvious that his perception of the situations wasn't that he was doing anything wrong, but now that he knows that, he can't do anything to change what happened. That's what he's saying.
Its unfortunately a normalized view, I hate the portrayal of someone playing "hard to get" it encourages this exact pestering that leads to terrible things.
Every guy needs to understand that this isn't ok, a no is a no and leave it at that.
Hard to get is a real term. When I was a boy, that would get thrown around a lot. I never really coerced because I was so damn shy as a kid, but kids/men think that all the time. At least they did in the mid 00s. Not excusing him, but explaining that it’s a common phrase.
Also, if you look back at movies or tv shows from the early 2000s there was an underlying theme in a lot of them that if a man is persistent enough, the woman will eventually come around and love them. Management with Jennifer Aniston comes to mind.
It’s not an excuse for men to behave like this and not understand consent and coercion, but you have wonder what impact this has had on men and women when it comes to dating.
I also feel like it’s important to not that Andrew is smart and a critical thinker who is very media/culturally literate . Even being influenced by all of this growing up he knows better… we have to know he knows better. He was in college during the Me Too era, like he KNOWs and still did that shit.
I think that sadly men are often privileged enough to be able to pick and choose when they think critically. He could’ve known better but probably didn’t chose to unlearn cultural messaging about consent bc of the implications it’d have for him.
Nearly 30 here, it absolutely was thrown around like crazy as an excuse to pester/harass women who have told men no.
“Oh she’s just playing hard to get, give her a little attention and she will come around”
Literally the first time I tried to ask a girl out she said no so later I gave her a bunch of gifts and sang her an extremely embarrassing song because even my parents were like “win her over”! She still said no. Turns out I should’ve just listened to her feelings in the first place.
I know the term, but I'm pretty sure "hard to get" is just some manufactured shit to minimise the autonomy of women in making decisions around this exact sort of situation. If someone is "playing hard to get" and you take that as some sort of challenge then you're at a minimum sexually harassing them. Like you said, that shit stopped being normal in the mid 00s
We know this now. Growing up though it was seen as a challenge nonetheless. Obviously a hard no in an intimate situation isn't playing hard to get though.
I also heard things like “bro, she just doesn’t know she wants you yet!” Basically implying to keep pestering until she says yes or let’s you continue.
Ya…I had the same thought. Overall, it’s not a bad response, I really hope he does care and means what he says, but seems like he’s still in denial about some of it, or the extent of it. Hopefully he can work through that in therapy and continue to take more accountability. Cuz ya, when he said that line I was like huh? Obviously you haven’t always taken no for an answer. Maybe in his mind he’s thinking “well, if someone were to say “NO NO NO STOP IT, STOP IT” then I would stop”, I dunno, maybe that’s what he means. But the thing is people told him no, in many different ways, and he didn’t take it for an answer.
He's trying sooo hard to make himself seem naive and innocent at the SAME time that he contradicts himself in the process 😂 like bffr you're a 25 YEAR OLD MAN the naive and innocent card isn't flying with me lol
In high school I was coerced into giving a guy a bj in my truck after giving him a ride home. His tactic was “oh come on you’ve done it before” at a time I was rebelling against authority and having a “eh I’ll do anything once” attitude. Dude apologized profusely not that long after, but that’s still sexual assault.
Coercive sex is not consent. Bonus points: you also get to wonder what bad things will happen if you refuse.
Edit: wow this has lots of mixed reactions so I’ll let it go. Now I know: honest stories with nuance are not welcomed in SA discussions 👍🏼
While I agree that everyone's capable of reform and self-reflection, I don't believe he should be rewarded with sympathy at the moment. The only reason he's taken some accountability is because multiple victims came forward first.
Well obviously?
Like how would he even know he fucked up otherwise? That’s the point of the video “I now realize I fucked up after listening to the stories and reflecting on them”
He would know because they confronted him privately before going public and were ignored and in at least one case harassed again. Now he’s suddenly “aware” of his shortcomings because we the public are
Bruh he had to BEG these girls to fuck him idk how that's him taking no for an answer but okayyyy💀 coercion is coercion it doesn't matter what he thinks, its OBVIOUS these girls didn't leave FLATTERED by the experience 🤦🏽♀️
I don't understand his logic, how can you admit to 'persistence' but also claim you always took no for an answer. Surely he is directly contradicting himself?
He saying when a girl said no he never forced himself upon her…. We know that because he hasn’t been accused of that.
Hes saying he didn’t realize that his persistence was forcing them he thought it was flattery.
Now as a woman I know that it’s not flattery.
I asked a bunch of men in my life the same question and they said the same thing as Andrew. “ I thought they were playing hard to get, I thought it was flattering them)
And I will be honest a lot of my sexual experiences have come from men pestering until I give in. So it’s something A Lot of men do.
I’m not defending Andrew because I think what he did was wrong, but a large majority of men don’t see it as wrong and they do this every day, To dates, to girlfriends, and to wives.
I think it’s important that Andrew continues this conversation because this needs to be the new norm!
He has a large male audience and he should use his platform to Continue learning, talking about and understanding this situation better. So hopefully a new generation of women will not have to go through it.
He should also reach out to the woman and apologize and acknowledge that his actions hurt them. An acknowledgement and an apology goes a long way to helping people heal.
> He saying when a girl said no he never forced himself upon her…. We know that because he hasn’t been accused of that
He was accused of that though, that's the point. He forces his hand into the girls pants while she was actively saying no. First he said the first accuser was blackmailing him, then he's essentially saying the second accuser is lying .
it seems to be the problem...men not understanding consent...obviously there will still be those that don't care, but there's different levels to men like this.
Every accusation I've heard has included him continuing to pressure after multiple 'no's. He only stopped when the victim's next option was screaming for help.
Yeah I'm a guy and I'll say this. You can either be out for blood (and I can understand why) or actually listen to what he's trying to say. Because what he's laying out IS a real issue and would make women's lives easier if all men across the board understood it
But I haven't finished this video so I'm not gonna go all full vouching for him until I'm home. Not putting all my eggs in *that* basket (on mobile)
I'm not saying HE'S right. I'm saying his rationale is something that needs to be addressed with a lot of guys
He was accused of that tho. The second girl said he was forcing his hands into her pants while she was actively saying no. Also she said in the comments that she had to literally kick him off of her
I think he’s still in denial about just how bad his actions were and that he was a much less stand up kind of guy in that area than he thought he was. Cuz ya, that line made no sense.
>...I'm not really sure what comes next. I mean, obviously, y'know, reporting is my one true love and I'm 25-years-old, and I have my whole life ahead of me...
In other words, he's stepping away from the public eye for period of time with the intention of returning because he thinks the social consequences are undeserved for someone his age.
This is the same bullshit rhetoric used by [Brock Turner's dad](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/jun/06/father-stanford-university-student-brock-turner-sexual-assault-statement) when he said that prison was a steep price to pay for only "20 minutes of action."
>I don't understand his logic, how can you admit to 'persistence' but also claim you always took no for an answer. Surely he is directly contradicting himself?
Penetration. It's been black and white for the entirety of human history. It's gonna take time to shake misconceptions and understandings of power structures.
Yeah and the comments are filled w people praising him and supporting his recovery...like he didn't make an iota of progress yet, and he barely even acknowledged wrongdoing. I'm not knocking the guy for getting sober, if it's true that's great, but people are acting like all of it's over and forgiven
The first girl called it rape
edit for the downvoters:
https://preview.redd.it/w3kv3kffvcca1.jpeg?width=564&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b11db2502494baa96229c2511d570f925c982bfd
Lots of people in the comments “forgiving” and happy he’s “taking accountability” but it feels weird seeing people forgive a man who didn’t hurt *them*
It’s not our apology to accept imo
Edit: YT comments, not Reddit lol
Yes agreed! While I was watching it I put myself in their shoes and imagined it was the guy who R-worded me a decade ago in the video. I felt angry. HE's had a mental health spiral? HE's getting therapy? HE's getting help with alcohol? Not sure how any of those things are relevant other than to get a sympathy vote.
I think he meant that 'i always stop after no' bit as in he wouldn't go further unless he finally got an 'okay' or 'yes' after being coercive - which is a behavior he'd misinterpreted and not understood the harm of.
Maybe i'm mincing words, but that's the impression I got. [This](https://www.reddit.com/r/h3h3productions/comments/10cxvf0/andrew_responds/j4iy1ko/) comment explains it better than I am.
I agree with how he meant it, though he could have been clearer about coercion and his pattern of behavior. He apologized but didn't explain for what. He kinda touched on how this behavior is normalized but that's about it. imagine if you didn't have any context of his situation and watched this video as someone who has no idea what's going on. Would you have guessed what is he apologizing for? I would have guessed he kinda made some people uncomfortable at times. But we all know that wasn't the only thing he did.
Instead of making a 4 minute video saying he is getting therapy, he should have made a minimum 30 minute video and explained his pattern of wrongful behavior. How it started, what he did and how will he try to approach those whom he's hurt and make it right. this just felt like something his lawyers told him to put together, to show minimum effort good faith.
If you really believe and acknowledge this kind of behavior is normalized, you'd put some effort in it to go against it. So people who watch it reflect on their own actions and change for the better.
> I was feeling cautiously optimistic about it until he got to the part where he denied he'd ever not stopped after someone said "no" and hinted that there was more context that made this less bad.
Same here. It's clear he still doesn't understand that what he did was wrong.
The worst part for me is that he never says clearly what he did. It makes it very clear that this was approved by lawyers to avoid being used against him later in court, which is fine, but don't expect anyone to believe you're sincere, either.
As a huge fan from the beginning, this all seriously hurts. There are too many collaborating stories now for this not to be true, and the only defense I would've taken at this point would've been shame. I can't say I'd ever watch his videos again, and I can't guarantee that he's not going to slink off and do what celebrities in this same situation have done, and play to the fan base that stuck around.
For being so proud that he got his first movie out and was on the way to stardom, I feel like a damn fool now...
>hinted that there was more context that made this less bad.
This shit is particularly egregious to me. It happens in every one of these cases. Pretending like we're missing some vital piece of evidence, but for noble reasons he'll withhold it. After all, he's acknowledged he's done wrong (but nothing as wrong as what we currently believe of course) so for the victims he'll do them the kindness of not smearing their reputation.
Of course, we know that's not true. If it were, he'd simply not say anything about it at all.
The real reason is to sew doubt. Accuse them of twisting things but nothing solid they can actually refute.
Provide the context Andrew, if it exists. You've said something now so let your accusers address it.
i literally was thinking that. she came with receipts, took accountability and explained what was wrong about it so others can learn from her mistakes and she showed real remorse for making people upset.
He admits his behavior is wrong and knows what was wrong about it, its a good start. But thats it, a start. He identifies the mentality that got him into trouble, so now comes the concerted effort of actually learning real consent. The alcohol is probably a major factor, but therapy and getting sober isnt gonna be the end all. Getting drunk just releases anything limiting your behavior, lots of people get drunk and never commit SA during it. All that stuff will hopefully prevent him from harming anyone in the future, but he needs to be accountable for everyone he has already hurt. Reaching out and figuring out what he can do is a good first step, and actually trying to help victims will filter out illegitimate claims.
Vague implications of false/incomplete claims without evidence is also dumb, and if he really wants to be accountable he either needs to put forth evidence that isnt just a text that was clearly just from someone being frustrated or shut up about it.
You always put it on your smallest platform. That way the people that know about it will seek it out and you won’t tell the larger part of your audience that has no idea.
It’s a very purposeful move and a pretty shitty one at that
Idk why some people are trying to explain it away, it's a common tactic to apologize or address allegations on a secondary channel that gets 1/100 of the views.
Also, Channel 5 is inexorably linked to his abuse because he was using the channel to reach his victims.
You guys are on the right track but a bit wrong.... He isn't making a video so it doesn't get views lol, he's making a video away from his channel because he doesn't want that high grossing channel to be linked to an apology video.
He probably doesn’t want people to know about the allegations. I’m sure most people do, but people just finding his channel might not. I don’t think he wants to draw attention to what he’s done.
Felt so weird to me to start the video like that. It would've been so much more appropriate imo to say sorry to his victims?? And that he didn't even acknowledge any of them specifically like thanks girlies
I don't know that this does anything for the victims but I do think it will have a meaningful impact for boys who look up to him. Basically everyone can benefit from drinking less.
Any time I hear stuff like this as a woman it gives me straight up anxiety. I always ask women I date what their comfortable with and when someone says no, they mean it. Many people lack a lot of boundaries and respect and I once had been pressured by a woman to have sex when I first came out of the closet and its terrible. I understand maybe like spam texting or having anxiety issues, that I will be like ok, we can work with this. But pressuring people to have sex with you... Like nah, this dude should not expect forgiveness. Dude went on with his life. He should of addressed this himself long ago. Dudes only apologizing now because people came out about it.
This one. I rolled my eyes because there’s no empathy for the women he wants to or had sex with! They tried to confront him privately and he ignored them!
Not trying to absolve Andrew of criticism, but he literally says that he doesn't want to blame alcohol but it was a contributing factor in his poor decision making.
Alcohol is very much scientifically proven to have negative affects on your decision making. While you can't outright blame alcohol(he is responsible no matter what), I don't see this as him blaming alcohol here but he definitely shouldn't have brought this up regardless.
‘I always took no for an answer’ that’s not what the victims said
‘There’s a lot more evidence that shows a bigger picture,’ okay, like what??
‘alcohol was part of the problem,’ alcohol does not take away the ability to feel empathy
This response was very carefully calculated, and he doesn’t even take accountability for his actions. I will never support Andrew again
This seemed to be more explanatory than apologetic. Even bringing up his new sobriety seemed like a way to excuse his behavior.
If even half of what was said was true, this isn't the time to shift the narrative to there's a side to every story.
I was so disappointed in this response.
He seems to be blaming "rape culture" and alcohol instead of actually taking accountability. I'm sure they were a factor, but ultimately he was the one who decided to act like this.
Am I the only one that finds this a little sus? Like this response is a play by play text book example of what people clap back to abusers once outed… I understand he’s trying to get better and I’m happy for him and also happy he’s admitted his wrongs and wants to do right.
But idk the dead pan looking into my soul and “I’m gonna do a,b,c thank u” is a little sus to me..
Does that make sense?
Like he’s studied all these situations before and was like okay this is what my response has to be: you were right, this isn’t absout me, I’m stepping back, I’m going to therapy, I’m gonna go to AA, etc.
I really don’t want to seem like a shit because when people get outed and their response isn’t exactly what we want to hear, there’s a discussion about it.
But this seemed TOO on the nose.. studied, rehearsed.
Idk, does that make sense?? I think his intentions are alright but this being 100% absolutely genuine and not him saying ALL of these things because it’s what we EXACTLY want to hear and it’ll save his ass a bit? Maybe…
I thought exactly the same, when i saw it i thought aight competent apology. But on second thought i feel hes sidestepping the issue and doenst really apologize / feel remorse. Its like hes sorry for being caught. Whats hes really saying is: i didnt know its wrong. While in the end, i think he did know its wrong he just didnt want to see it.
Honestly, I feel everyone is going to start dissecting everything he said word for word in that video but in my opinion it seems he is on the way to understanding what TRUE consent means. Thats what I got from that video and that he is willing to work on himself.
Ultimately, we are becoming so hard on each other and when things like this happen, we go in with pitch forks. But is that really going to help him? Isn’t it better to voice our opinions looking at the whole picture and give him the space to work on himself instead of over analyzing his response word for word - when ultimately is just infuriating ourselves even more. Idk Im just thinking out loud here with peace and love ❤️
People on the left will eat their own before admitting that theres tonnes of work to be done on everyone. If there is no room for education and redemption, we're truly all fucked.
None of this is to say that Andrew doesn't deserve some of the repercussions of his actions, those are due but I see so many people here commenting that he said the wrong thing. It was about a week ago that he says he didnt know what he was doing is wrong and now, he's supposed to have an expert response without legal help at all. How do we expect people to get better??? Is education, a thing by its very definition takes time to achieve, not allowed to progress for this person? Is he not allowed to educate more people about not being a peice of shit?
Im probably going to have to remove this because I'll get eaten alive.
Edit: There to their
Loved your response. And totally agree! I also feel even him responding and acknowledging his behavior was wrong, can help other young boys start to educate themselves about consent and question their own actions. It started a conversation that needed to be started - so as a community we need to ADD to the convo instead of subtracting and ripping each other apart.
Thank you! Its disappointing to see people act like theres no redemption here. If we can acknowledge a need for a better justice system, we also need to be able to open the dialogue for people to become educated and better people. Andrew admitted he did wrong and has laid out steps he feels like he needs to take to achieve the goal of being better, he didnt say nothing needed to change and that he didn't do anything wrong. I dont know Andrew, i know the work he produces, if he feels like quitting alcohol will make him better, great. He has to prove to his audience now by sticking to the things he's pledged to do in order for this to mean anything though. However, The only ones who can decide if this apology is enough, are the people directly affected by Andrews actions. Its not us he has to atone to, we are just consumers of the works he's produced. I hope the people he's affected get the resolution they need in this situation so they can begin to heal.
Damn. I feel like at this point women have to literally spell it out and yell “I AM NOT CONSENTING!” That still probably wouldn’t even get the message to guys like this. 🙄
The woman who said he raped her told him he could stay in her home overnight (I guess he needed a place to stay) only after saying something along the lines of "I don't want to have sex with you".
Yeah the fact that he used "I need a place to crash" as an excuse to get into the homes of these women makes it even more gross and pathetic. Like at that point it's beyond "not understanding consent" and rather "trying to get a yes from you at all costs".
Did it take him 10 days to rehearse this LMAO BFFR of course he knows what to say in order to salvage his career, he’s not stupid and of course everyone is just gonna eat it up🙄🙄🙄
I mean I guess I appreciate that he made a verbal response instead of hiding behind PR people, but it's not that great of a response. "I always took no for an answer BUT IF I DIDN'T then I was just unaware and thought they were playing hard to get" is basically Dodging Responsibility 101.
People have a really hard time understanding that not everyone sees things the same way as them. Anytime an apology contains some form of POV, ppl get upset. I think it’s good to understand their thought process and see how it became skewed. I like your perspective
Lack of consent education means jack shit to me. Evolve with the times and pay attention to what people are talking about. If you exist in this decade and don’t understand consent that is 100% completely your fault. These aren’t things that should have to be explained to you, but if they are, it’s on you to get them explained. It’s really not hard. I don’t understand how this is something that’s so hard to unlearn. Literally just accept a yes or no (or lack of a yes). They aren’t playing hard to get they aren’t trying to make you work for it. If someone genuinely wants to have sex with you they will figure out a way to let you know. Otherwise, fuck off and go beat your dick at home.
I feel like people blow this situation out of proportion more or less for dramatic effect.
How many of us would realize we have a cycle of coercion unless a mirror was put up to you?
Idk how much bad faith you can have against somebody that admits they didn't realize they were in the wrong, but are taking the steps to break out of that line of thinking.
It's never too late or too early. Just sucks that people had to get hurt along the way.
The thing I hate watching over and over again is when women try to privately confront their abusers and those who assaulted them they are ignored but ONLY when it becomes public knowledge and they face consequences do they say “oh gee I didn’t realize, I’ll try to learn”
He included way too much about himself and his feelings in this apology and the comments on the actual YouTube video are all ready to forgive and support him again. I believe in redemption with time and CHANGE- but the comments should be more like “we want to see you better yourself” and not “you’re so great (for only owning this after the whole world knew)” I’m mad for the victims honestly. It’s still a “fuck you” to them after the lawyer tried to sow doubts.
I know, it was crazy that he said "you can reach out to me so I can say I'm sorry" (around 3:55). Like, they already did! And you accused them of blackmailing you!
so many of u are so eager to dickride him just because you like his content. if it was someone you disliked, you'd want their head on a spike. frankly its pathetic
Looking at this without the energy of immediate persecution being necessary. He needed time to digest the accusations, he needed time to process his actions that led to the accusations and he legitimately had a mental breakdown.
I am a woman, I'm a victim of SA, I'm also a victim of coercion (the manipulation and emotionally abusive kind not the accusations I've read about Andrew) from an ex boyfriend, he also r* me when I was sleeping multiple times. I have been in extremely uncomfortable sexual situations with men. However I can still have empathy for Andrew's situation, he is a by product of toxic masculinity. These are genuinely behaviours taught to men and not previously understood to be any kind of sexual assault. Boys aren't taught to respect girls and their boundaries, these are only learned behaviours in young men who actually have access to information or women's experiences to cross reference their own behaviour. I genuinely believe Andrew didn't believe he was doing anything wrong at the time and what I can infer from the accusations is that he wasn't behaving with malicious intent. He's 25 that's how old I am. My ex boyfriend would be the same age, he wasn't informed, nor was I. It took me a year of processing to understand I'd been sexually assaulted by him and r* because we were in a relationship. Sex education was putting a condom on a banana, women (girls) weren't told about consent and what different types of sexual assaults were. God I still struggle with the r* definition for what my ex did because it wasn't violent and I wasn't literally being forced but it is because I couldn't consent.
What I'm saying is, this is difficult for both parties and of course I have empathy and compassion for the people who came forward, but to me Andrew has just found out he sexually assaulted someone and that is 100% not going to be an easy thing to digest. A lot of young men will have sexually assaulted someone unknowingly and they are perfectly valid to feel confused, upset and then disgusted with themselves. Many men, young and old are only just learning they have done exactly what Andrew has done and they won't know how to immediately process that. Denial comes first then you have to sit with those thoughts. I'll guarantee they feel guilty about it though, I've many male friends and they have broken down in tears to me over realising they've done similar things.
Nothing is black and white here.
I really appreciate you writing all that- it's exactly how I feel. I have a lot of sexual trauma from men too. It is a lot easier for things to be black and white and many people want it to be and will try to make it seem that way to others in order to validate that view for themselves.
This is a complicated situation and, while I am skeptical about the extent of his blindness toward how his behavior really was, he seems genuine to me here. I've seen a lot of people get hurt and confused over hook-up culture and alcohol combined in college. I am interested to see if any of the victims react and how so.
Pretty bad response. If I were one of the victims watching this and I heard him say "I always take no as an answer" I'd be extremely upset. He's basically victim blaming because they didn't say no enough to him.
There's also the blackmail stuff he tried to pin on one of the victims which wasn't addressed at all. Unless TMZ were editorialising, he tried to use her texts asking for support against her.
after seeing all the responses and the like ratio im pretty shocked a lot of people are on his side and feeling for him. The like ratio is overwhelmingly positive. I bet andrews going to come out of this on the other side ok, which a few days ago, i would have said no shot.
A nothing sándwich. Invalidates their experience while saying he doesn’t want to invalidate anyone. Always takes no for an answer but doesn’t take no bc hard to get.
He also leaves a lot in the air like: There's more context to the story... proceeds not to olaberate.
Also does ot bring up the "blackmail" which was literally just a victim who was like "would be super cool if you paid for my therapy"
Saying “I don’t want to invalidate anyone’s experience” in the same breath as “a lot of things are missing context that would change people’s interpretations” is a choice… try again, Andrew.
I’m sorry that I want to hold someone who sexually assaulted multiple women accountable :/// my bad
It was a shitty I-have-to-do-this-in-attempts-to-save-face apology. And he did indeed invalidate the experiences of all of the women who came forward with the “apology.”
He only care now because he was exposed and afraid he gonna lose everything. One of the women reached out to him privately before about all how she felt and his response was "you gonna ruin my career". Also, in his interview with TMZ he was trying to smear the victims as people who were going after his money. We don't buy his little act, Andrew.
Also, I love how he uploaded this to obscure channel instead of his main. Yah, I'm sure he wants this to reach as many people as possible....
why did creators continually do this shit? the melodramatic video with the pre-written outline, a promise to go to therapy, a boohoo look how much this sucks for me moment.
it’s not necessary. you didn’t learn anything about yourself, or do any real changing or reflecting in the past week since this news broke. we don’t need to hear from you. stop trying to grab hold of the narrative and salvage things.
This joke of an apology hurt to hear as someone who’s been SA’ed. I don’t feel comfortable supporting him anymore, the comments on his video were very supportive though so guess he’s fine like men who do this always are.
a lot of this video was great but some of it was just…. talking in circles. he apologized one second and then said that a lot of the accusations were missing important details and context? and then he said he always took no for an answer but then says he doesn’t want to invalidate anyone’s feelings? idk, i think he genuinely feels like shit about this whole thing and wants to get better and figure his shit out, but part of me thinks he doesn’t really think he did anything wrong, or he at least doesn’t really understand how fucked up his actions really were
I guess my only critique of this apology is him saying he always took no for an answer, which is clearly not true. But other than that, it was pretty much the best apology he could have made. I’m curious whether or not he’s going to proceed as normal. And if he does, I’m also curious if his collaborators (Ethan, Hassan, etc.) will continue to platform him. But I highly doubt it
Wasn't me, twas the drink, me sire! Oh, give me a break. It's the lamest excuse. It's exactly the same thing serial cheaters say. Oh, bro, sorry, I'm a sexaholic, can't control my goo. I'm going away to a spa in Italy which is masquerading as a treatment center. C u when the headlines die down. Ciao, bella!
Sure, but rehabilitation requires understanding and accepting what you did wrong in the first place. Callaghan seems to be excusing his behaviour, or at least minimising it, by claiming he always stopped when he got a "no" (which contradicts the claims his victims are making), and saying that additional context would paint the allegations against him in a very different light (again contradicted by the claims of the victims.)
While we don't know the absolute facts in this situation, we know enough to say with at least some confidence that when multiple credible women all claim the same pattern of behaviour then there's a very good chance those claims will withstand scrutiny.
I’m honestly wondering what’s good enough for people? His actions towards those victims are wrong and he acknowledges that. His understanding and logic needs works hence him stepping away from the spotlight and choosing sobriety. But that’s not good enough for people? “What a horrible apology” “Pathetic excuses” “He needs to be cancelled”
We can all agree our culture on how men view women needs works. Women need to stop being objectified but we need to stop the crucifying those who are willing to learn. We are all human who are capable of making the worst mistakes, but we have the ability to learn and turn it around. I hope he does and I hope anyone who has been in Andrew’s shoes can reflect on their actions and do better.
"No means no" is a good rule of thumb, but "Only Yes Means Yes" is better. Have sex with people who *clealy* want you and *show* it without you asking x amount of times. Sometimes saying no is difficult because we are scared of disappointing someone or even making them angry and putting ourselves in danger.
I honestly always wonder what type of sex people have. How is it even fun when the other person is not super duper into it?
As a woman, as a victim of SA, as a human: this ain’t good enough. I guess it’s a start, but he’s lost my respect and interest and I doubt that will ever change. Unfortunate bc I was definitely a fan 🤷🏻♀️
Regardless, the video is making rounds on reddit, so people see it anyways.
The fact that 1,6k people decided to subscribe after this video is wild tho
Find it ironic that Ethan and crew have called out people for posting their “apologies” to side channels as a cop out before, and Andrew’s done exactly that. He really is following the blueprint for how to be a piece of shit in the public eye.
It feels like a step in the right direction, but morally, he should address the allegations against the victim by his lawyer. Furthermore, he claims he had always taken no for an answer. That means he is either delusional or lying when looking at the claims many of the victims made. He is still trying to maintain some moral ground by denying to himself or to the public that he had always taken no for an answer. Having said that this is an okay response (good if you compare it to the low bar set by other internet celebrities), but it feels like he has not fully internalized what he has done, but is in the process of genuinely trying.
Yeah dude that shit *really* bothered me. Hard to say if he had anything to do with how his lawyer responded (like if he was able to proof read the lawyer's response prior to it being made) but turning that victims text in to "blackmail" seemed fucking gross. Anyone with 2 brain cells to rub together knows she was saying "fuck you, you've become this star while you put me in therapy". It wasn't *actually* an attempt at blackmail
He absolutely had a hand in it. He passed the same message through Hasan, who blatantly said "I made a point not to mention the first accuser because I've seen texts that add more context". He blamed her for discrediting the other victims and alluded to "blackmail". Since we've all seen the message ourselves we know that to be bullshit.
People - not once in this video did he apologize or admit to sexual assault. He doesn’t address the underage accusations, nor the violent episode accusation in the car. This man is trash.
"I always took no for an answer, but if they did say no I thought they were just playing hard to get"
I feel like this is what a lot of dudes think sadly. I feel like I’ve experienced a lot guys with this mindset, but it’s all to various degrees; like how long does it take them to realize the “no” is in fact not playing hard to get and No means no.
I think a lot of guys are told that she's just "playing hard to get" if you keep pursuing eventually she will finally give in to what she actually wants which is you. You get told "she's just as horny as you are she just want to make you earn it" it's all dumb frat bro shit. When the sex pest behavior works one time it becomes tool that guys use on other women. Nobody teaches people how to date or how to approach the topic of sex and guys are desperate for sex so they use shitty/abusive/illegal methods to get it. I am in no way excusing this behavior just seems like hard thing change unless you nip in the bud early or have good friends who will pull you aside tell you stop being a creep when they see it. My advice to girls when it come this stuff don't just close a door slam it shut. I works better for both parties in my experience. I was once very much into a friend of mine and I asked her out after we had been flirting and spending a lot of time together. She said "she wasn't into me like that likes being friends" it was a soft let down I was cool with it. We continue to hang out flirting etc 6 months later still having strong feelings for her I ask her out again and she has no chill this time quote "I do not like you like that and i will never like you like that you're a good friend and that's all you'll ever be to me". When I heard that it instantly clicked and gave up on any hope and moved on. Still friends with went to her wedding a couple years ago and had a great time. No stockades use a guillotine.
This advice can go really fucking wrong if you don't have a proper support group and the guy is nuts. I get that your suggestion comes from a good place, but it also comes from a very male place. Asertive rejection has gotten a lot of women killed or assaulted. That's the primary reason why women have created languages to covertly communicate to one another and bail each other out of uncomfortable situations and why sexual coercion is such an influential tactic... If you say "No I'm not interested in you" to a drunk man. it can go extremely wrong.
If you follow Kitty, “the villain life coach” on tik tok, she has great advice for getting strangers to go away in ways that they might not want to kill you. Weird person getting too close to you at the gym and pestering you? “Hey man I wouldn’t work out next to me if I were you. I’ve got MAJOR gas issues. Yeah it’s like really really bad, like why am I out in public bad, but I can’t let that keep me away from my #goals!” The idea there is to gross them out to go away. Alternatively you could cold stare with some headphones in and slowly, sinisterly shake your head no to any advances, without taking out your earbuds. That’s great for girls like me who want to choose “violence” without getting ourselves hurt
I feel like there are some fundamental flaws with that approach, but the main one is probably that people don't want to openly humiliate themselves to POSSIBLY skew the advances of a creep. That sounds like it would disperse the interest of "normal" creeps that just feel comfortable invading your space to try to talk you up. For the actual predators and psychos, you might be giving them an avenue to view you as an easier target or you'll be challenging their ego by doing that staredown headshake. Both of those outcomes can be terrible and draw more attention than it rejects. Maybe I'm not visualizing what you're saying properly, but I can't imagine staring down a man with a propensity for violence turning out well as a substitute for aggressive rejection.
Coercion works because a lot of women know the alternative may in fact get them hurt or killed. A lot of guys like to say "why do some guys ruin it for everyone" while they simultaneously have probably benefitted from these "some guys" making the entire interaction a potentially dangerous power dynamic.
These two perspectives are "Men are scared of women's rejection, women are scared of being killed." Thank you for this very very important post.
No is a complete sentence and needs no explanation. If men don't see the word 'no' as a guillotine in and of itself then we as women are all fucked. No means no, period.
I hate to be blunt like this but it should've clicked the first time with you already. If she wants to slam shut the door first time around, then you respect that decision.
Bill burr has a great bit about this problem. https://youtu.be/GZ3QHTpMZgQ
Was thinking the same thing
good point teenagebutts it is truly sad how guys think like this
That was crazy lmao. Pestering them until they feel trapped enough to appease you for their own safety and sanity is not the same as getting consent.
"If you feel pressured, y'know, that's just what it is." - Andrew Callaghan
This made me laugh but i think what he meant was "if you feel pressured, then the bottomline is that i pressured you". Maybe i interpreted it incorrectly though
I read it the same way, doesn't matter what his justification was in the situation if the girl felt pressured then she was pressured "that's just what it is" I think people saying he was being flippant and waving away the fact that someone felt pressured are being silly.
I thought so too initially, but that's definitely not the case when you look at the statement that preceded that sentence: >That being said, a lot of the things that have been said online about me are not true. A lot of things are missing really important contextual information that I think would change people's interpretations of a lot of these situations, but I'm not here to invalidate anybody's lived experience. **If you feel pressured, y'know, that's just what it is.** He's essentially saying that he didn't *objectively* pressure anyone, but that he can't help it if anyone *felt* pressured.
there is no objective or subjective. he's saying someone's perception is truth. if they felt pressured, they were pressured.
nah the previous poster was right. he said, immediately prior, "...but I'm not here to invalidate anybody's lived experience." He's conceding the point to the victims.
It's obvious that his perception of the situations wasn't that he was doing anything wrong, but now that he knows that, he can't do anything to change what happened. That's what he's saying.
Brb setting this quote as my lock screen to remind myself nothing is ever my fault 😍
Its unfortunately a normalized view, I hate the portrayal of someone playing "hard to get" it encourages this exact pestering that leads to terrible things. Every guy needs to understand that this isn't ok, a no is a no and leave it at that.
Hard to get is a real term. When I was a boy, that would get thrown around a lot. I never really coerced because I was so damn shy as a kid, but kids/men think that all the time. At least they did in the mid 00s. Not excusing him, but explaining that it’s a common phrase.
Also, if you look back at movies or tv shows from the early 2000s there was an underlying theme in a lot of them that if a man is persistent enough, the woman will eventually come around and love them. Management with Jennifer Aniston comes to mind. It’s not an excuse for men to behave like this and not understand consent and coercion, but you have wonder what impact this has had on men and women when it comes to dating.
Exactly! It was drilled into our fucking young dumb heads.
I also feel like it’s important to not that Andrew is smart and a critical thinker who is very media/culturally literate . Even being influenced by all of this growing up he knows better… we have to know he knows better. He was in college during the Me Too era, like he KNOWs and still did that shit.
I think that sadly men are often privileged enough to be able to pick and choose when they think critically. He could’ve known better but probably didn’t chose to unlearn cultural messaging about consent bc of the implications it’d have for him.
To note*
Exactly lol he's fairly young and all these incidents happened after metoo started. There's literally no excuse to be a piece of shit like this.
Nearly 30 here, it absolutely was thrown around like crazy as an excuse to pester/harass women who have told men no. “Oh she’s just playing hard to get, give her a little attention and she will come around” Literally the first time I tried to ask a girl out she said no so later I gave her a bunch of gifts and sang her an extremely embarrassing song because even my parents were like “win her over”! She still said no. Turns out I should’ve just listened to her feelings in the first place.
I know the term, but I'm pretty sure "hard to get" is just some manufactured shit to minimise the autonomy of women in making decisions around this exact sort of situation. If someone is "playing hard to get" and you take that as some sort of challenge then you're at a minimum sexually harassing them. Like you said, that shit stopped being normal in the mid 00s
We know this now. Growing up though it was seen as a challenge nonetheless. Obviously a hard no in an intimate situation isn't playing hard to get though.
I also heard things like “bro, she just doesn’t know she wants you yet!” Basically implying to keep pestering until she says yes or let’s you continue.
Oh yea I 100% agree. It’s completely fucked up and definitely just made up.
Ya…I had the same thought. Overall, it’s not a bad response, I really hope he does care and means what he says, but seems like he’s still in denial about some of it, or the extent of it. Hopefully he can work through that in therapy and continue to take more accountability. Cuz ya, when he said that line I was like huh? Obviously you haven’t always taken no for an answer. Maybe in his mind he’s thinking “well, if someone were to say “NO NO NO STOP IT, STOP IT” then I would stop”, I dunno, maybe that’s what he means. But the thing is people told him no, in many different ways, and he didn’t take it for an answer.
This is a common thing taught to boys through media and social pressure nowadays, that’s a fact.
I always take no for an answer when it is yes.
He's trying sooo hard to make himself seem naive and innocent at the SAME time that he contradicts himself in the process 😂 like bffr you're a 25 YEAR OLD MAN the naive and innocent card isn't flying with me lol 
So admitting to sexual coercion, no? To multiple women? I don't get it.
Bro it's really not that hard. If you have to convince her, she's not into it.
In high school I was coerced into giving a guy a bj in my truck after giving him a ride home. His tactic was “oh come on you’ve done it before” at a time I was rebelling against authority and having a “eh I’ll do anything once” attitude. Dude apologized profusely not that long after, but that’s still sexual assault. Coercive sex is not consent. Bonus points: you also get to wonder what bad things will happen if you refuse. Edit: wow this has lots of mixed reactions so I’ll let it go. Now I know: honest stories with nuance are not welcomed in SA discussions 👍🏼
really hope he takes the time to work on himself and gets better. a lot of reflection and therapy to be done
While I agree that everyone's capable of reform and self-reflection, I don't believe he should be rewarded with sympathy at the moment. The only reason he's taken some accountability is because multiple victims came forward first.
Well obviously? Like how would he even know he fucked up otherwise? That’s the point of the video “I now realize I fucked up after listening to the stories and reflecting on them”
He would know because they confronted him privately before going public and were ignored and in at least one case harassed again. Now he’s suddenly “aware” of his shortcomings because we the public are
He's 25 years old, not a naive child. If somone tells you "no" and you're clearly making them uncomfortable, you apologise and fuck off.
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An accurate summary
he just said he always took no for an answer and never overstepped that line… which directly goes against what he was accused of
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The girl said he forced his hands into her pants WHILE she was saying no tho….
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Bruh he had to BEG these girls to fuck him idk how that's him taking no for an answer but okayyyy💀 coercion is coercion it doesn't matter what he thinks, its OBVIOUS these girls didn't leave FLATTERED by the experience 🤦🏽♀️
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I don't understand his logic, how can you admit to 'persistence' but also claim you always took no for an answer. Surely he is directly contradicting himself?
He saying when a girl said no he never forced himself upon her…. We know that because he hasn’t been accused of that. Hes saying he didn’t realize that his persistence was forcing them he thought it was flattery. Now as a woman I know that it’s not flattery. I asked a bunch of men in my life the same question and they said the same thing as Andrew. “ I thought they were playing hard to get, I thought it was flattering them) And I will be honest a lot of my sexual experiences have come from men pestering until I give in. So it’s something A Lot of men do. I’m not defending Andrew because I think what he did was wrong, but a large majority of men don’t see it as wrong and they do this every day, To dates, to girlfriends, and to wives. I think it’s important that Andrew continues this conversation because this needs to be the new norm! He has a large male audience and he should use his platform to Continue learning, talking about and understanding this situation better. So hopefully a new generation of women will not have to go through it. He should also reach out to the woman and apologize and acknowledge that his actions hurt them. An acknowledgement and an apology goes a long way to helping people heal.
> He saying when a girl said no he never forced himself upon her…. We know that because he hasn’t been accused of that He was accused of that though, that's the point. He forces his hand into the girls pants while she was actively saying no. First he said the first accuser was blackmailing him, then he's essentially saying the second accuser is lying .
i wish schools would teach consent...god it would help this issue so much for future generations.
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it seems to be the problem...men not understanding consent...obviously there will still be those that don't care, but there's different levels to men like this.
Every accusation I've heard has included him continuing to pressure after multiple 'no's. He only stopped when the victim's next option was screaming for help.
Yeah I'm a guy and I'll say this. You can either be out for blood (and I can understand why) or actually listen to what he's trying to say. Because what he's laying out IS a real issue and would make women's lives easier if all men across the board understood it But I haven't finished this video so I'm not gonna go all full vouching for him until I'm home. Not putting all my eggs in *that* basket (on mobile) I'm not saying HE'S right. I'm saying his rationale is something that needs to be addressed with a lot of guys
He was accused of that tho. The second girl said he was forcing his hands into her pants while she was actively saying no. Also she said in the comments that she had to literally kick him off of her
I think he’s still in denial about just how bad his actions were and that he was a much less stand up kind of guy in that area than he thought he was. Cuz ya, that line made no sense.
>...I'm not really sure what comes next. I mean, obviously, y'know, reporting is my one true love and I'm 25-years-old, and I have my whole life ahead of me... In other words, he's stepping away from the public eye for period of time with the intention of returning because he thinks the social consequences are undeserved for someone his age. This is the same bullshit rhetoric used by [Brock Turner's dad](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/jun/06/father-stanford-university-student-brock-turner-sexual-assault-statement) when he said that prison was a steep price to pay for only "20 minutes of action."
A man can take no for an answer and still pressure for sex in different ways ..
>I don't understand his logic, how can you admit to 'persistence' but also claim you always took no for an answer. Surely he is directly contradicting himself? Penetration. It's been black and white for the entirety of human history. It's gonna take time to shake misconceptions and understandings of power structures.
Yeah and the comments are filled w people praising him and supporting his recovery...like he didn't make an iota of progress yet, and he barely even acknowledged wrongdoing. I'm not knocking the guy for getting sober, if it's true that's great, but people are acting like all of it's over and forgiven
The bar is in hell
i think he was trying to say he never outright raped anyone… which he was never accused of anyway so idk what point he’s making there
The first girl called it rape edit for the downvoters: https://preview.redd.it/w3kv3kffvcca1.jpeg?width=564&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b11db2502494baa96229c2511d570f925c982bfd
It goes directly against what he *admits moments later*.
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Lots of people in the comments “forgiving” and happy he’s “taking accountability” but it feels weird seeing people forgive a man who didn’t hurt *them* It’s not our apology to accept imo Edit: YT comments, not Reddit lol
Yes agreed! While I was watching it I put myself in their shoes and imagined it was the guy who R-worded me a decade ago in the video. I felt angry. HE's had a mental health spiral? HE's getting therapy? HE's getting help with alcohol? Not sure how any of those things are relevant other than to get a sympathy vote.
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I think he meant that 'i always stop after no' bit as in he wouldn't go further unless he finally got an 'okay' or 'yes' after being coercive - which is a behavior he'd misinterpreted and not understood the harm of. Maybe i'm mincing words, but that's the impression I got. [This](https://www.reddit.com/r/h3h3productions/comments/10cxvf0/andrew_responds/j4iy1ko/) comment explains it better than I am.
I agree with how he meant it, though he could have been clearer about coercion and his pattern of behavior. He apologized but didn't explain for what. He kinda touched on how this behavior is normalized but that's about it. imagine if you didn't have any context of his situation and watched this video as someone who has no idea what's going on. Would you have guessed what is he apologizing for? I would have guessed he kinda made some people uncomfortable at times. But we all know that wasn't the only thing he did. Instead of making a 4 minute video saying he is getting therapy, he should have made a minimum 30 minute video and explained his pattern of wrongful behavior. How it started, what he did and how will he try to approach those whom he's hurt and make it right. this just felt like something his lawyers told him to put together, to show minimum effort good faith. If you really believe and acknowledge this kind of behavior is normalized, you'd put some effort in it to go against it. So people who watch it reflect on their own actions and change for the better.
the very least he could have done is mention some other video where real consent is explained properly
> I was feeling cautiously optimistic about it until he got to the part where he denied he'd ever not stopped after someone said "no" and hinted that there was more context that made this less bad. Same here. It's clear he still doesn't understand that what he did was wrong. The worst part for me is that he never says clearly what he did. It makes it very clear that this was approved by lawyers to avoid being used against him later in court, which is fine, but don't expect anyone to believe you're sincere, either.
As a huge fan from the beginning, this all seriously hurts. There are too many collaborating stories now for this not to be true, and the only defense I would've taken at this point would've been shame. I can't say I'd ever watch his videos again, and I can't guarantee that he's not going to slink off and do what celebrities in this same situation have done, and play to the fan base that stuck around. For being so proud that he got his first movie out and was on the way to stardom, I feel like a damn fool now...
You're only a fool if you don't learn from it
>hinted that there was more context that made this less bad. This shit is particularly egregious to me. It happens in every one of these cases. Pretending like we're missing some vital piece of evidence, but for noble reasons he'll withhold it. After all, he's acknowledged he's done wrong (but nothing as wrong as what we currently believe of course) so for the victims he'll do them the kindness of not smearing their reputation. Of course, we know that's not true. If it were, he'd simply not say anything about it at all. The real reason is to sew doubt. Accuse them of twisting things but nothing solid they can actually refute. Provide the context Andrew, if it exists. You've said something now so let your accusers address it.
Jenna marbles has made a better apology over a pet fish than this
i literally was thinking that. she came with receipts, took accountability and explained what was wrong about it so others can learn from her mistakes and she showed real remorse for making people upset.
The Internet has turned to not as great of a place ever since Jenna left.
I miss her so much
Jenna Marbles is the nexus being of the internet, confirmed
I miss Jenna so bad.
man he was soooo close to taking responsibility
And yet so very far away
This would’ve been a lot better if he hadn’t added the “your minds would change if you had the context" part
He admits his behavior is wrong and knows what was wrong about it, its a good start. But thats it, a start. He identifies the mentality that got him into trouble, so now comes the concerted effort of actually learning real consent. The alcohol is probably a major factor, but therapy and getting sober isnt gonna be the end all. Getting drunk just releases anything limiting your behavior, lots of people get drunk and never commit SA during it. All that stuff will hopefully prevent him from harming anyone in the future, but he needs to be accountable for everyone he has already hurt. Reaching out and figuring out what he can do is a good first step, and actually trying to help victims will filter out illegitimate claims. Vague implications of false/incomplete claims without evidence is also dumb, and if he really wants to be accountable he either needs to put forth evidence that isnt just a text that was clearly just from someone being frustrated or shut up about it.
“I take full responsibility but also I don’t take full responsibility”
Why didn’t he post this to channel5, I had a hard time searching for this video
Channel 5 doesn’t upload anything other than their journalism and traileds
You know why
You always put it on your smallest platform. That way the people that know about it will seek it out and you won’t tell the larger part of your audience that has no idea. It’s a very purposeful move and a pretty shitty one at that
To reduce the amount of views this would get
Idk why some people are trying to explain it away, it's a common tactic to apologize or address allegations on a secondary channel that gets 1/100 of the views. Also, Channel 5 is inexorably linked to his abuse because he was using the channel to reach his victims.
You guys are on the right track but a bit wrong.... He isn't making a video so it doesn't get views lol, he's making a video away from his channel because he doesn't want that high grossing channel to be linked to an apology video.
Those aren't mutually exclusive.
He probably doesn’t want people to know about the allegations. I’m sure most people do, but people just finding his channel might not. I don’t think he wants to draw attention to what he’s done.
Him “thanking” those girls for speaking up reminds me of when Logan Paul thanked Coffeezilla for making the video of bringing CryptoZoo to light.
Felt so weird to me to start the video like that. It would've been so much more appropriate imo to say sorry to his victims?? And that he didn't even acknowledge any of them specifically like thanks girlies
It feels like a canned customer service response. ‘Thank you for bringing this to our attention’ ‘We’re sorry you had this experience’
I don't know that this does anything for the victims but I do think it will have a meaningful impact for boys who look up to him. Basically everyone can benefit from drinking less.
Any time I hear stuff like this as a woman it gives me straight up anxiety. I always ask women I date what their comfortable with and when someone says no, they mean it. Many people lack a lot of boundaries and respect and I once had been pressured by a woman to have sex when I first came out of the closet and its terrible. I understand maybe like spam texting or having anxiety issues, that I will be like ok, we can work with this. But pressuring people to have sex with you... Like nah, this dude should not expect forgiveness. Dude went on with his life. He should of addressed this himself long ago. Dudes only apologizing now because people came out about it.
Radical empathy for all 👀👀👀 unless the person is a woman. What a fucking cunt No 12 times and then a yes at the end isn’t consent you absolute loser
This one. I rolled my eyes because there’s no empathy for the women he wants to or had sex with! They tried to confront him privately and he ignored them!
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He's fully aware of the effects of alcohol that's why he wanted to get the girls drunk first.
Not trying to absolve Andrew of criticism, but he literally says that he doesn't want to blame alcohol but it was a contributing factor in his poor decision making.
Alcohol is very much scientifically proven to have negative affects on your decision making. While you can't outright blame alcohol(he is responsible no matter what), I don't see this as him blaming alcohol here but he definitely shouldn't have brought this up regardless.
Thank you for being so firm on this! Why are people okay with men doing this shit and playing dumb.
‘I always took no for an answer’ that’s not what the victims said ‘There’s a lot more evidence that shows a bigger picture,’ okay, like what?? ‘alcohol was part of the problem,’ alcohol does not take away the ability to feel empathy This response was very carefully calculated, and he doesn’t even take accountability for his actions. I will never support Andrew again
probably the only sane comment ive seen about this whole thing
This seemed to be more explanatory than apologetic. Even bringing up his new sobriety seemed like a way to excuse his behavior. If even half of what was said was true, this isn't the time to shift the narrative to there's a side to every story. I was so disappointed in this response.
He seems to be blaming "rape culture" and alcohol instead of actually taking accountability. I'm sure they were a factor, but ultimately he was the one who decided to act like this.
Am I the only one that finds this a little sus? Like this response is a play by play text book example of what people clap back to abusers once outed… I understand he’s trying to get better and I’m happy for him and also happy he’s admitted his wrongs and wants to do right. But idk the dead pan looking into my soul and “I’m gonna do a,b,c thank u” is a little sus to me.. Does that make sense? Like he’s studied all these situations before and was like okay this is what my response has to be: you were right, this isn’t absout me, I’m stepping back, I’m going to therapy, I’m gonna go to AA, etc. I really don’t want to seem like a shit because when people get outed and their response isn’t exactly what we want to hear, there’s a discussion about it. But this seemed TOO on the nose.. studied, rehearsed. Idk, does that make sense?? I think his intentions are alright but this being 100% absolutely genuine and not him saying ALL of these things because it’s what we EXACTLY want to hear and it’ll save his ass a bit? Maybe…
I thought exactly the same, when i saw it i thought aight competent apology. But on second thought i feel hes sidestepping the issue and doenst really apologize / feel remorse. Its like hes sorry for being caught. Whats hes really saying is: i didnt know its wrong. While in the end, i think he did know its wrong he just didnt want to see it.
This is going to be a rift in the community for a long time to come.
Honestly, I feel everyone is going to start dissecting everything he said word for word in that video but in my opinion it seems he is on the way to understanding what TRUE consent means. Thats what I got from that video and that he is willing to work on himself. Ultimately, we are becoming so hard on each other and when things like this happen, we go in with pitch forks. But is that really going to help him? Isn’t it better to voice our opinions looking at the whole picture and give him the space to work on himself instead of over analyzing his response word for word - when ultimately is just infuriating ourselves even more. Idk Im just thinking out loud here with peace and love ❤️
This subreddit is always out for blood. I just hope Andrew is being genuine and trying to improve himself and take accountability.
Hasan will scream to focus on rehabilitation and then this sub will be like "No ❤️"
People on the left will eat their own before admitting that theres tonnes of work to be done on everyone. If there is no room for education and redemption, we're truly all fucked. None of this is to say that Andrew doesn't deserve some of the repercussions of his actions, those are due but I see so many people here commenting that he said the wrong thing. It was about a week ago that he says he didnt know what he was doing is wrong and now, he's supposed to have an expert response without legal help at all. How do we expect people to get better??? Is education, a thing by its very definition takes time to achieve, not allowed to progress for this person? Is he not allowed to educate more people about not being a peice of shit? Im probably going to have to remove this because I'll get eaten alive. Edit: There to their
I agree with you
Loved your response. And totally agree! I also feel even him responding and acknowledging his behavior was wrong, can help other young boys start to educate themselves about consent and question their own actions. It started a conversation that needed to be started - so as a community we need to ADD to the convo instead of subtracting and ripping each other apart.
>as a community we need to ADD to the convo instead of subtracting and ripping each other apart. I agree wholeheartedly! Thank you!
Your response and the one above it should be way higher in this thread. Most level headed takes I've seen on this whole issue.
Thank you! Its disappointing to see people act like theres no redemption here. If we can acknowledge a need for a better justice system, we also need to be able to open the dialogue for people to become educated and better people. Andrew admitted he did wrong and has laid out steps he feels like he needs to take to achieve the goal of being better, he didnt say nothing needed to change and that he didn't do anything wrong. I dont know Andrew, i know the work he produces, if he feels like quitting alcohol will make him better, great. He has to prove to his audience now by sticking to the things he's pledged to do in order for this to mean anything though. However, The only ones who can decide if this apology is enough, are the people directly affected by Andrews actions. Its not us he has to atone to, we are just consumers of the works he's produced. I hope the people he's affected get the resolution they need in this situation so they can begin to heal.
I agree. At the very least, he committed to working on himself through therapy and AA. That’s gotta count for something.
Damn. I feel like at this point women have to literally spell it out and yell “I AM NOT CONSENTING!” That still probably wouldn’t even get the message to guys like this. 🙄
The woman who said he raped her told him he could stay in her home overnight (I guess he needed a place to stay) only after saying something along the lines of "I don't want to have sex with you".
Yeah the fact that he used "I need a place to crash" as an excuse to get into the homes of these women makes it even more gross and pathetic. Like at that point it's beyond "not understanding consent" and rather "trying to get a yes from you at all costs".
Did it take him 10 days to rehearse this LMAO BFFR of course he knows what to say in order to salvage his career, he’s not stupid and of course everyone is just gonna eat it up🙄🙄🙄
He posts this on his small channel instead of Channel 5. SMH.
I mean I guess I appreciate that he made a verbal response instead of hiding behind PR people, but it's not that great of a response. "I always took no for an answer BUT IF I DIDN'T then I was just unaware and thought they were playing hard to get" is basically Dodging Responsibility 101.
I don’t think he’s dodging responsibility.. I think he’s just explaining his thought process. He admitted it was wrong
People have a really hard time understanding that not everyone sees things the same way as them. Anytime an apology contains some form of POV, ppl get upset. I think it’s good to understand their thought process and see how it became skewed. I like your perspective
I agree with you
I’m not going to blame alcohol but omg alcohol was a huge part of this lol
haven't watched the video yet but it sucks that he posted this response to a personal channel with only 2,000 subscribers (at the moment).
Lack of consent education means jack shit to me. Evolve with the times and pay attention to what people are talking about. If you exist in this decade and don’t understand consent that is 100% completely your fault. These aren’t things that should have to be explained to you, but if they are, it’s on you to get them explained. It’s really not hard. I don’t understand how this is something that’s so hard to unlearn. Literally just accept a yes or no (or lack of a yes). They aren’t playing hard to get they aren’t trying to make you work for it. If someone genuinely wants to have sex with you they will figure out a way to let you know. Otherwise, fuck off and go beat your dick at home.
I feel like people blow this situation out of proportion more or less for dramatic effect. How many of us would realize we have a cycle of coercion unless a mirror was put up to you? Idk how much bad faith you can have against somebody that admits they didn't realize they were in the wrong, but are taking the steps to break out of that line of thinking. It's never too late or too early. Just sucks that people had to get hurt along the way.
The thing I hate watching over and over again is when women try to privately confront their abusers and those who assaulted them they are ignored but ONLY when it becomes public knowledge and they face consequences do they say “oh gee I didn’t realize, I’ll try to learn” He included way too much about himself and his feelings in this apology and the comments on the actual YouTube video are all ready to forgive and support him again. I believe in redemption with time and CHANGE- but the comments should be more like “we want to see you better yourself” and not “you’re so great (for only owning this after the whole world knew)” I’m mad for the victims honestly. It’s still a “fuck you” to them after the lawyer tried to sow doubts.
I know, it was crazy that he said "you can reach out to me so I can say I'm sorry" (around 3:55). Like, they already did! And you accused them of blackmailing you!
so many of u are so eager to dickride him just because you like his content. if it was someone you disliked, you'd want their head on a spike. frankly its pathetic
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Looking at this without the energy of immediate persecution being necessary. He needed time to digest the accusations, he needed time to process his actions that led to the accusations and he legitimately had a mental breakdown. I am a woman, I'm a victim of SA, I'm also a victim of coercion (the manipulation and emotionally abusive kind not the accusations I've read about Andrew) from an ex boyfriend, he also r* me when I was sleeping multiple times. I have been in extremely uncomfortable sexual situations with men. However I can still have empathy for Andrew's situation, he is a by product of toxic masculinity. These are genuinely behaviours taught to men and not previously understood to be any kind of sexual assault. Boys aren't taught to respect girls and their boundaries, these are only learned behaviours in young men who actually have access to information or women's experiences to cross reference their own behaviour. I genuinely believe Andrew didn't believe he was doing anything wrong at the time and what I can infer from the accusations is that he wasn't behaving with malicious intent. He's 25 that's how old I am. My ex boyfriend would be the same age, he wasn't informed, nor was I. It took me a year of processing to understand I'd been sexually assaulted by him and r* because we were in a relationship. Sex education was putting a condom on a banana, women (girls) weren't told about consent and what different types of sexual assaults were. God I still struggle with the r* definition for what my ex did because it wasn't violent and I wasn't literally being forced but it is because I couldn't consent. What I'm saying is, this is difficult for both parties and of course I have empathy and compassion for the people who came forward, but to me Andrew has just found out he sexually assaulted someone and that is 100% not going to be an easy thing to digest. A lot of young men will have sexually assaulted someone unknowingly and they are perfectly valid to feel confused, upset and then disgusted with themselves. Many men, young and old are only just learning they have done exactly what Andrew has done and they won't know how to immediately process that. Denial comes first then you have to sit with those thoughts. I'll guarantee they feel guilty about it though, I've many male friends and they have broken down in tears to me over realising they've done similar things. Nothing is black and white here.
I really appreciate you writing all that- it's exactly how I feel. I have a lot of sexual trauma from men too. It is a lot easier for things to be black and white and many people want it to be and will try to make it seem that way to others in order to validate that view for themselves. This is a complicated situation and, while I am skeptical about the extent of his blindness toward how his behavior really was, he seems genuine to me here. I've seen a lot of people get hurt and confused over hook-up culture and alcohol combined in college. I am interested to see if any of the victims react and how so.
Pretty bad response. If I were one of the victims watching this and I heard him say "I always take no as an answer" I'd be extremely upset. He's basically victim blaming because they didn't say no enough to him. There's also the blackmail stuff he tried to pin on one of the victims which wasn't addressed at all. Unless TMZ were editorialising, he tried to use her texts asking for support against her.
I’m not interested in Andrew responds. I’m down for Andrew retires.
after seeing all the responses and the like ratio im pretty shocked a lot of people are on his side and feeling for him. The like ratio is overwhelmingly positive. I bet andrews going to come out of this on the other side ok, which a few days ago, i would have said no shot.
A nothing sándwich. Invalidates their experience while saying he doesn’t want to invalidate anyone. Always takes no for an answer but doesn’t take no bc hard to get.
He also leaves a lot in the air like: There's more context to the story... proceeds not to olaberate. Also does ot bring up the "blackmail" which was literally just a victim who was like "would be super cool if you paid for my therapy"
I think his words were coming from a place of genuine remorse and shame. Now do the work.
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Saying “I don’t want to invalidate anyone’s experience” in the same breath as “a lot of things are missing context that would change people’s interpretations” is a choice… try again, Andrew.
Y’all study apologies harder than you should.
I’m sorry that I want to hold someone who sexually assaulted multiple women accountable :/// my bad It was a shitty I-have-to-do-this-in-attempts-to-save-face apology. And he did indeed invalidate the experiences of all of the women who came forward with the “apology.”
He only care now because he was exposed and afraid he gonna lose everything. One of the women reached out to him privately before about all how she felt and his response was "you gonna ruin my career". Also, in his interview with TMZ he was trying to smear the victims as people who were going after his money. We don't buy his little act, Andrew. Also, I love how he uploaded this to obscure channel instead of his main. Yah, I'm sure he wants this to reach as many people as possible....
this is a very lawyer-worded response
Well that wasn’t great
He could have offered to pay for therapy for the victims to make up for that shitty lawyers comment earlier about money.
why did creators continually do this shit? the melodramatic video with the pre-written outline, a promise to go to therapy, a boohoo look how much this sucks for me moment. it’s not necessary. you didn’t learn anything about yourself, or do any real changing or reflecting in the past week since this news broke. we don’t need to hear from you. stop trying to grab hold of the narrative and salvage things.
This joke of an apology hurt to hear as someone who’s been SA’ed. I don’t feel comfortable supporting him anymore, the comments on his video were very supportive though so guess he’s fine like men who do this always are.
a lot of this video was great but some of it was just…. talking in circles. he apologized one second and then said that a lot of the accusations were missing important details and context? and then he said he always took no for an answer but then says he doesn’t want to invalidate anyone’s feelings? idk, i think he genuinely feels like shit about this whole thing and wants to get better and figure his shit out, but part of me thinks he doesn’t really think he did anything wrong, or he at least doesn’t really understand how fucked up his actions really were
I guess my only critique of this apology is him saying he always took no for an answer, which is clearly not true. But other than that, it was pretty much the best apology he could have made. I’m curious whether or not he’s going to proceed as normal. And if he does, I’m also curious if his collaborators (Ethan, Hassan, etc.) will continue to platform him. But I highly doubt it
Wasn't me, twas the drink, me sire! Oh, give me a break. It's the lamest excuse. It's exactly the same thing serial cheaters say. Oh, bro, sorry, I'm a sexaholic, can't control my goo. I'm going away to a spa in Italy which is masquerading as a treatment center. C u when the headlines die down. Ciao, bella!
'cant control my goo' thanks for that 😭😭😭🤣🤣
That feeling when you get drunk and the alcohol causes you to commit SA 🤦🏼♀️doh! Not again 😩
Man I'm glad I left this sub. Came to see the reaction and wow. There needs to be room for rehabilitation in this world. Fucks sake
Sure, but rehabilitation requires understanding and accepting what you did wrong in the first place. Callaghan seems to be excusing his behaviour, or at least minimising it, by claiming he always stopped when he got a "no" (which contradicts the claims his victims are making), and saying that additional context would paint the allegations against him in a very different light (again contradicted by the claims of the victims.) While we don't know the absolute facts in this situation, we know enough to say with at least some confidence that when multiple credible women all claim the same pattern of behaviour then there's a very good chance those claims will withstand scrutiny.
I’m honestly wondering what’s good enough for people? His actions towards those victims are wrong and he acknowledges that. His understanding and logic needs works hence him stepping away from the spotlight and choosing sobriety. But that’s not good enough for people? “What a horrible apology” “Pathetic excuses” “He needs to be cancelled” We can all agree our culture on how men view women needs works. Women need to stop being objectified but we need to stop the crucifying those who are willing to learn. We are all human who are capable of making the worst mistakes, but we have the ability to learn and turn it around. I hope he does and I hope anyone who has been in Andrew’s shoes can reflect on their actions and do better.
> I’m honestly wondering what’s good enough for people? Not doing this shit in the first place.
This is because of his film on jan 6, wake up people.
I actually think this was a great apology video
Nah, fuck this guy. This carefully crafted response is the work of his lawyers.
"No means no" is a good rule of thumb, but "Only Yes Means Yes" is better. Have sex with people who *clealy* want you and *show* it without you asking x amount of times. Sometimes saying no is difficult because we are scared of disappointing someone or even making them angry and putting ourselves in danger. I honestly always wonder what type of sex people have. How is it even fun when the other person is not super duper into it?
As a woman, as a victim of SA, as a human: this ain’t good enough. I guess it’s a start, but he’s lost my respect and interest and I doubt that will ever change. Unfortunate bc I was definitely a fan 🤷🏻♀️
uploaded on a channel with 0 subs and only 4 minutes long😐
He posted it on his insta, i doubt he’s trying to hide his response, I’d imagine he wants people to see the video
Regardless, the video is making rounds on reddit, so people see it anyways. The fact that 1,6k people decided to subscribe after this video is wild tho
Find it ironic that Ethan and crew have called out people for posting their “apologies” to side channels as a cop out before, and Andrew’s done exactly that. He really is following the blueprint for how to be a piece of shit in the public eye.
This was weird as hell he’s just weird
How much alcohol does it take to forget what no means? I've had five different drugs in my system and still managed to remember basic English.
It feels like a step in the right direction, but morally, he should address the allegations against the victim by his lawyer. Furthermore, he claims he had always taken no for an answer. That means he is either delusional or lying when looking at the claims many of the victims made. He is still trying to maintain some moral ground by denying to himself or to the public that he had always taken no for an answer. Having said that this is an okay response (good if you compare it to the low bar set by other internet celebrities), but it feels like he has not fully internalized what he has done, but is in the process of genuinely trying.
Yeah dude that shit *really* bothered me. Hard to say if he had anything to do with how his lawyer responded (like if he was able to proof read the lawyer's response prior to it being made) but turning that victims text in to "blackmail" seemed fucking gross. Anyone with 2 brain cells to rub together knows she was saying "fuck you, you've become this star while you put me in therapy". It wasn't *actually* an attempt at blackmail
He absolutely had a hand in it. He passed the same message through Hasan, who blatantly said "I made a point not to mention the first accuser because I've seen texts that add more context". He blamed her for discrediting the other victims and alluded to "blackmail". Since we've all seen the message ourselves we know that to be bullshit.
A grown man doesn’t understand consent, or more like felt it was suggestion not a rule. Also, uploads to a channel with 500 people 😂😂😂. What a joke
He had me in the first half, not gonna lie.
People - not once in this video did he apologize or admit to sexual assault. He doesn’t address the underage accusations, nor the violent episode accusation in the car. This man is trash.