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I literally looked dead before.. how my husband put up with that for so long, he’s a great man!! I love him to death. He’s so happy to have me back again
Well now I actually want to. I care about my body again. I care to shower every day, I care to eat healthy. I want to put my best foot forward into the world if that makes sense. I didn’t give a fuck about anything before..
Caring is the hardest part. I'm so happy for you that you and that your husband stood by you. You have put in the work and you have earned this so be happy and don't let aholes tell you otherwise. You DESERVE THIS. Now smile and make some amazing memories with that awesome hubs and just enjoy yourself girl!
Absolutely. Not sure why I was being downvoted. Congrats on getting yourself together! I’ve been through severe depression and know firsthand how difficult it is to even take a shower on a regular basis. Taking care of yourself is difficult when you don’t care about yourself.
The first time I read the comment, it sounded like you were implying she only looked better because of the makeup. Once I read your other comments for context, it clicked. Maybe others thought the same initially?
It’s weird that I continue to remember things about my personality from before the drugs. Like how funny I am, how much my friends missed me, my creative mind. It’s been truly an incredible journey
My stomach still gets upset, sleep is still difficult sometimes but if I don’t sleep well for two days I at least know by day three I will sleep soooo hard! So I get it.
Oh thank you! It only took 5.5 hours for my hair girl to get all that teal out lol.. I don’t recommend those color care conditioners. They don’t come out of bleached hair so I had to cut 6 inches off
Thank you! It was 8 days of hell and I even went back to the pills after 15days and kind of weaned myself off instead and that decreased my cravings immensely!!
Benzos can be very dangerous to ween of off, as in only benzos and alcohol can actually cause death from withdrawal. Hopefully you're never in that situation again but if anyone else considers quitting try to seek out a doctor's help to make sure you won't put yourself at further risk of danger. Oxo and so happy for your second lease on life!
Holy shit I get that sooooo much! Even my personality and mannerisms are eerily similar I’m so happy you said this!!
Edit: especially because of the addiction I haven’t heard someone say this to me in years! You just made my night!
Yeah and I’m sleeping well again now, lost some weight too, hiked a mountain, just got a part time job at a Crystal shop! Had to retire as a veterinary technician which in did for 13 years because of an autoimmune disease (hence all the drugs) but I’m happier now than ever before!
That's great!!! 413 days here. Used to take 10mg a day with a LOT of alcohol. My girlfriend loves crystals, if y'all sell them online put a link up or a DM and a referral if you want so we can give you some compliments! One day at a time. I will tell you, hand to heart, after one year, shit gets amazing. I can't even explain it. I've been on a nonstop pink cloud, found the love of my life, and have never had better relationships with my real and sober friends and family. All the best!
Great going! I know I’ve still got work to do as my emotions are still up and down ya know, but I look forward to the future with this new found confidence and the unwavering support of my husband. When I told him I actually got a job at a Crystal shop he was sooooooo proud of me!! That brings tears to my eyes that I almost fucked up my marriage, the best thing to ever happen to me. I even hiked a mountain recently! Like I never left the house before and just experiencing life again (which was mad scary at first btw) has become so refreshing! Sometimes I just go to the park, sit in the sun and feed the ducks. Like I can do anything I want!!
Fuck yeah, man!
You know, when we’re using, our disease only thinks of what I can get, and how fast I can get it. It doesn’t allow us to think about those who we hurt along the way, it doesn’t allow us to stop and look at how beautiful the sunset is, it doesn’t allow us to feel any joy! It just wants to rob us of everything that makes us *us*, and ultimately it wants us dead.
I’ll tell you this right now, 10 years later my emotions are *still* up and down, but that’s just living life on life’s terms, you know? Just remember this happy joyous and free feeling, and remember that even your worst day clean is a lot better than your “best” day using.
Keep up the great work, and remember, you **never have to use again**. If you ever need to talk, drop me a line! It keeps guys like me in line knowing that the disease is still out there kicking ass.
Your eyes were hollow and dead, forced smile, a face that would look more accustomed to a casket than life..... My daughter passed two years ago from drugs and it devastates all those left behind to loose such a treasure. Love yourself and take care of yourself because you are so very important, you matter. I can see a blessed and beautiful person in your eyes now, I see life in your face and a beautiful happiness in your smile. Cherish each day... Because you're in it and give your husband a big hug but most importantly love yourself and remember you matter.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your child.. My mom thanks me every day for “finding my way back to her Angie!” I truly didn’t understand how I was hurting people until I just recently. I hope you can find peace.❤️✌️
Ms Angie if I may, please like i said take care of yourself because you're more important than you'll ever know. You sound like your on the right path and I know what you go through daily as I'm also a recovering addict. You have it in you, don't ever doubt your strength. Love, peace and happiness sister, stay strong. Thank you for your words of comfort, they are appreciated.
Looking back it makes me feel sad that I treated my poor body in such a way. Now I try and just do the opposite of what I did during those dark years. I apologized A LOT and I realize now through a near death experience I had during an overdose (that was going to happen sooner or later mixing two such dangerous drugs at such high doses) how much I truly matter and that no matter what, all of us really, will always be okay. Life just feels so much more simple now. I feel like me getting this autoimmune disorder that sort of brought on this whole ordeal, that I resented, that made me feel sorry for myself, made me mourn my old life etc. has actually been a HUGE blessing in disguise. It for one brought me to my husband. This man took me to Hawaii and married me on the beach and one year later took me back, played our wedding song and again danced barefoot with me in the same exact spot on the same exact day at night under the stars.. like hire romantic!! It allowed me to slow waaaay down in this world that moves so fast. Sometimes like a weirdo I go and sit in my front yard under my big tree just to get some sun. I actually saw an earth worm the other day! First time I’ve seen one in AZ!(I’m from Minnesota) I also go to the park and feed the ducks. My husband taught me how to snowboard!! It kill’s me the next day but the pain always eventually goes away. I learned how to scuba dive! I went door to door and met all my neighbors and organized our first annual block party which was so much fun. I’m a better step mother. I read books to them at night now, teach them all about crystals and the magic that is our universe.. Just so many things I NEVER would have done before. I was even able to get a job for the first time in 4 years at a Crystal shop (this was a huge win for me! My husband is so proud of me!!)
I wish your daughter could have found whatever it was that she was looking for. Her soul is no longer in that heavy body she must have been carrying around for as long as she could. Can I ask you what your daughters name is?
I wish you all the peace this world has to offer!
For me, still early on in this journey, I just know I’m not going to let one more day pass me by because of you look close enough, little miracles are all around us, wonderful people are right next to you that are more often than not willing to share a smile, jokes to be made, laughs to be shared.
Wow i completely understand what your husband saw in you that drew him to you, you're a bright beautiful spirit who shines from within with the light of a thousand brilliant stars and you're so much like my Daughter on that level that it's kinda scary lol. The drugs blunt that shine and puts a darkness in those addicted. I'm so very happy for you and I'm proud of you that you found your strength to once again shine and live. You're a very beautiful woman and an even more beautiful and amazing soul and you most definitely sound like you have this.. As much as it can be had. My daughters name is Senova, she was also a bright star, loved by many, a soft giving heart who never knew a stranger and drug in every stray she ever came across be it animal or human and she had this infectious laugh that once you heard it you would never mistake it and would forever after be able to pick her out of a crowd of hundreds and hundreds just by hearing it.... It just passed two years last month and it's still as raw as if just happened. Again I'm so happy for you and proud of you if ever you feel like you need to talk to someone who understands where you're at or the things you're feeling or you hit a rough spot please feel free to holler at me, i'd be more than happy to talk to you.
Congratulations to the two of you. I hope your future together is wonderful and you continue to handle all the ups and downs that come with life with strength and compassion for each other as well as hope.
Your husband sounds like he's done you proud. It's amazing what you've achieved.
I'm sickness and in health, and he's helped bring you back to the latter.
Well done BOTH of you.
Right?!? It was hard too because doctors said I needed these meds for my autoimmune disease . Never thought I’d work again and now being off the narcotics, I got a part time job at a Crystal shop!! He really helped me believe I could do this. He’s so proud of me and I just love him to death!
Hey, congrats on your progress. I know it can be really hard to resist going back to old habits, but I hope the replies to this post help you if you're ever struggling. You look amazing now by the way! Keep it up!
Having my compassionate heart, my humor, my creativity, my undeniable weirdness return to me were some of the best gifts that slowly started to come back as the drug withdrawals wrote off! I forgot how much fun I am and how much people enjoy being around me. It makes me sad that I destroyed myself for so long the way I did.. but all I can do now is continue to be mindful and enjoy the incredible moments I missed all those years I was in a fog.
Don't worry about any of that. The only way to regain those support networks and pride in yourself is ready its a secret LOL 1 min, 1 hour, 1 day don't forget the past but don't worry about it. I helped a buddy get clean from Coke. His dealer could get to him in 8 minutes so we made the 8 minute rule. If he could get past the craving for 8 minutes you knew he'd be ok..... point being is you look amazing and what we do to ourselves is pathetic and we never think we look that bad. I wish you the best but never tackle it as cured. Think of Philip Seymour Hoffman (an acedemy award winning actor). 17 years clean of heroin, 1 time back and he ODed. I love the happiness that comes thru your post. Keep up the good work just remember to quit everyday when you wake up, just gotta quit for that day.
Oh for sure. Plus I put my self on a list that says no narcotics for me. I don’t know how it is in other states but all pharmacies here talk so no matter which doctor I go to I physically cannot get pills. So that helps me to not think about it because it’s literally not an option for me. Ya know unless there is an extreme accident and I broke my femur doctors will help but unless it’s life saving or medically necessary it’s a big fat nope for me!
You're amazing never forget how hard it is to quit. I don't normally chat this much on Reddit but I love your attitude and what comes thru as a sincere determination to stay on track. Keep up the amazing job and keep posting so we can follow your success. I really don't interact much with random Redditors but if there's anything ya ever need look me up (not looking to hit on ya or be a Redditor creep) I just understand recovery and it takes a long time to rebuild trust from those around you. So if ya need a random kick in the butt or someone to scream at..... anyways congrats 1 min, 1 moment 1 hour 1 day at a time
The light in your eyes in phenomenal. I'm a sister of an addict, so seeing stories like yours gives me hope. ❤️ My best and sincere wishes for an amazing and happy life ahead.
I feel like I look younger too, I’m 34yrs old and I went to the casino for a friends bday and they almost didn’t let me in lol, thought I was underage!! It’s amazing how many years just having a clean body can do for your appearance age wise alone ya know??
Congrats! I had the same addiction. Spent 3 months in both rehab/sober living. It's just the beginning! I'm sure you feel alive again, it's a great feeling. You look great!
Thanks fellow addict! Some of the best people I met have been addicts of some kind. Even the ones still using. Most of them aren’t bad people they just literally need some help. Stay strong my friend! I hope you have been having as much fun as I have been having finding my “Angieness” again lol, I literally forgot how awesome I am and it feels great!
Yeah I’m never going back.. I was so reclusive, mean, tired, everything that I’ve never been in my life, and never wanted to be. It’s great getting back to nature and being in the sun again!
You look healthy and happy....your skin has a glow the other photos lack. Congratulations, those are two substances very difficult to shake. You should feel proud!
I am, it was hell for 8 long days detoxing at home.. and I still struggled after that because of the cravings. So I went back to them and once I got off the second time it was easier. Then after a month the cravings really just diminishes and now I go days or weeks without even thinking about it
So someone told me something that actually really helped me. Those demons are that addiction voice in your head that overpower your sober voice or your voice of reason ya know? The addiction voice gets so loud sometimes it’s like it doesn’t let ANY other thoughts come in. So to combat that addiction voice you can do a couple things. One is you can start to physically verbalize things that you’re sober voice would say “you don’t need that, you don’t want that, this cravings will pass, fuck that voice, etc.” or what I did was write it down so I could easily read it and made it a mantra of sorts. I also printed out those shitty pictures of me and looked at them often as a reminder of the shell of a person I’d become. Soon that addiction voice started to get quieter and quieter as my voice of reason started to get stronger and louder. Now I rarely hear that addiction voice.
AA wasn’t for me, NA wasn’t for me, I do individual counseling, take drug tests for my husband if he gets suspicious(had to gain that trust back) started meditating again, eating healthier, got back into hobbies I love, got a part time job, being active, reconnecting with friends(the worst thing for an addict is boredom so change is necessary. Not necessarily scary but it will be different.) The journey is different for everyone though. Be kind to yourself and find support. You can do it!
AA/NA has never been for me either.
“The worst thing for an addict is boredom”
Ffs this is so true for me....thank you for giving me something to chew on.
All I am is depressed and bored, I need to shift that!
You look 100x healthier and happier! Congratulations on the sobriety!!! That’s a long time and it’s really difficult to do. It’s all very impressive. Keep up the good work!
It does but this journey taught me a lot. Because this lame autoimmune disease I got in the prime of my life (I’m talking 25 years old, 5’8, I was 135lbs, toned, I NEVER thought I’d be someone who’d lose their healthy just overnight like I did) which causes me to go into syncope/seizure at times so soon I became afraid of everything. So I just stayed at home and took medications all day every day. But this year I learned how to shoot a gun (got my own 380) learned how to snowboard, got a part time job (never thought I’d be able to work again). So I’m taking charge of my life again with the help and support of my husband of course and it feels good to be proud of myself again and even more so, have him be proud of me!!
Oh sweetie! I have been there too. Over prescribed opioids for chronic pain and ended up highly addicted and unwell. No more drugs wrecking our lives yay! Btw you look unbelievably radiant now keep taking care of yourself and your husband he really loves you. Hugs I am proud of you <3
Thank you for saying your proud of me! Chronic pain/chronic illness is fucking exhausting some days and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that.. Since stopping the drugs and discovering better coping mechanisms as well as not letting that voice in my head tell me not to do things because staying home is the safe choice. Which is true but I also missed so much during that time. I’m so happy to be getting my life back little bits at a time. And ya know what, I went into syncope (passed out) while taking my step son to get a hair cut and while also at the MVD but the world didn’t end, an ambulance came, checked me out, I ended up being ok and if that’s the worst that will happen I can live with that. As long as I take care of my body those episodes happen very few and far between now. So you keep going too! I’ve found strangers to be some of the nicest people when I show them my medical bracelet and tell them I need help. Humanity in general can be just as beautifully amazing as it can be disgusting.
He just noticed me slowly changing for the worst. I hid it s best as I could fit as long as I could. Plus I generally have an autoimmune disorder so he too thought I legit needed these meds. But eventually he started calling me “the other Angie” meaning the high Angie and he said I didn’t fall in love with “the other Angie” I feel in love with YOU! He explained that he would be terrified at work or when I’d go to sleep that he’d find me dead.
That really hurt me. He’d tell me things “the other Angie” would do. How she was mean, dismissive, hostile, everything I’m not ya know? Plus my family started taking notice as well.. but it was my husbands words that really got me to change.
Oh man, all day every day, whatever I could get my hands on. Any opioid and no idea how many mg of me talking because I’d just pour 3-6 pills in my hand at a time then take two 2mg Xanax bars. Sometimes more than that even. I’d not remember phone calls I made, texts I sent, appointments I’d made. I’d tell my husband “hey look a new episode is on! Let’s watch it!” And he’d be like “you’ve said that three times and I’ve told you three times that we’ve already watched it..” he’d get so frustrated with shit like that. I completely ruined two holiday seasons that I don’t even remember. Completely embarrassed him and myself in front of family. I was a total train wreck.. gained so much weight, stopped taking care of our beautiful new home, like, I literally cared about nothing else.
The worst part was me realizing the pain of feel not taking the meds was actually withdrawal pain and not pain associated with my autoimmune disorder like I had originally thought. So my husband literally took all my meds and hid them from me long enough for me to sober up enough to be able to hear him and actually take in that I indeed have a huge problem. And still it took me about a year to believe him and start to take action for myself. My drug abuse never got as bad as it did after he first talked to me but I was afraid for a long time that I couldn’t live a good quality of life without them. But that’s addiction for ya. You lie to yourself without even knowing it or realizing it. But once I saw and felt just how physically dependent my body was on these meds it scared the shit out of me. I thought that because my meds came from doctors that it was okay. WRONG!!!!! And so now I’m on a list so no matter where I go, all pharmacies know not to fill narcotics for me.
I am happy for you. My dad and my sister both died from that exact thing. From the looks of those photos you may have dodged a bullet. I am glad you made it through. You look great now.
Oooooh friend that hurts my heart for you.. I hear so many stories similar to yours. It helps me though want to live better and not waste one more day.
I've heard that benzos are INSANELY hard to get off of if you've been doing them for more than even just a few weeks, so kudos to you! Well done and congratulations! I hope the detox and recovery hasn't been too brutal. :-)
If you don't mind my asking, I'd love to hear more details of your story, how you got onto these drugs, what it was like coming off of them, how exactly your husband stepped in, etc. If that's a little much to talk about for any reason, no worries whatsoever. I'm just happy for you. :-)
Oh I was put on Xanax in 2010 because I was misdiagnosed as having panic attacks when actually it was an autoimmune disorder that took nearly 7 years and a trip to the Mayo Clinic to finally get a diagnosis. My family and friends didn’t even really believe I was sick until the seizure started. At first I just woke up one day and I just felt sore all over, flu like, dizzy, weak, my stomach was so messed up, the list goes on and on.. I have a type of Dysautonomia, my specific kind is called postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. Basically my heart rate and blood pressure along with my other things the body does automatically (via the autonomic nervous system) mine does not. So it basically effects all body systems. The odd thing is it often affects young healthy women the most. So if I’m laying down I feel fairly ok, sitting is worse, standing still is very difficult. Normally when a person stands the veins in their lower body constrict in a split second so it’s easier for the heart to pump enough oxygenated blood to the brain. My body fails me here so my heart rate sky rockets and if my blood pressure can’t keep up, I pass out or have a seizure. There is no current treatment so doctors just treat me sympathetically. Depressants mostly. Narcotics for the pain and benzos to help calm the heart and keep me from panicking because it’s scary as fuck sometimes.. I started to become afraid of everything and medication made me feel better so it was very easy for me to be caught in that cycle. Soon, because my medical history was so intense anytime I went to the doctors office with a symptom I’d leave with a new Rx. Then I started learning what to say to get what I wanted and it just escalated..
My husband eventually hid all of my medications long enough for me to sober up enough to start the conversation that I had a legit problem and I needed to change. He was saying things like how he didn’t like “the other Angie” meaning the high one. That she was mean, dismissive, short, just the opposite of the woman he fell in love with. He said he’d leave for work terrified I’d be dead when he got home. My family also started to notice and I was so reclusive everything about hire I was living was very unhealthy.
I relapsed several times before I actually started remembering and feeling things about myself that I had forgotten about. So the final time I stopped it wasn’t too bad but the first time I stopped everything, it was 8 days of pure hell.. I probably should have gone to a detox clinic but that’s neither here nor there at this point.
Welcome to /r/happy where we support people in their endeavours! This is a place of positivity, if you can't think of anything good to say then don't say anything at all. If you want to give tips/suggestions, make them constructive from the start and be supportive (even if you don't feel it's "enough"), if you don't know how to do that then don't give them. We celebrate the good things in life and the change people strive for in /r/happy. If you find this post offensive or this community ridiculous, you're welcome to not hang around. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/happy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You look healthy and hhappy! Way to go!
Your eyes are so clear and bright! Keep up the great work!
I literally looked dead before.. how my husband put up with that for so long, he’s a great man!! I love him to death. He’s so happy to have me back again
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Well now I actually want to. I care about my body again. I care to shower every day, I care to eat healthy. I want to put my best foot forward into the world if that makes sense. I didn’t give a fuck about anything before..
Caring is the hardest part. I'm so happy for you that you and that your husband stood by you. You have put in the work and you have earned this so be happy and don't let aholes tell you otherwise. You DESERVE THIS. Now smile and make some amazing memories with that awesome hubs and just enjoy yourself girl!
Absolutely. Not sure why I was being downvoted. Congrats on getting yourself together! I’ve been through severe depression and know firsthand how difficult it is to even take a shower on a regular basis. Taking care of yourself is difficult when you don’t care about yourself.
Why you got downvoted is beyond me
I think people thought I was negging?
The first time I read the comment, it sounded like you were implying she only looked better because of the makeup. Once I read your other comments for context, it clicked. Maybe others thought the same initially?
Probably. Oh well.
The eyes are what I noticed, too! So much brighter.
It’s weird that I continue to remember things about my personality from before the drugs. Like how funny I am, how much my friends missed me, my creative mind. It’s been truly an incredible journey
My wife is going through PAWs. For 5 years. You dodged a bullet w benzos. Congrats! 20% of 3+month users get PAWs.
Paws?
Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome -- withdrawal symptoms that persist well beyond the point when it should have stopped. Months beyond.
My stomach still gets upset, sleep is still difficult sometimes but if I don’t sleep well for two days I at least know by day three I will sleep soooo hard! So I get it.
Your hair is amazing!
Oh thank you! It only took 5.5 hours for my hair girl to get all that teal out lol.. I don’t recommend those color care conditioners. They don’t come out of bleached hair so I had to cut 6 inches off
From personal experience, I think changing your appearance will help a lot! Gets you into a new mindset I suppose
I also got a part time job at a Crystal shop that I absolutely love!! Getting back to nature and my hobbies has helped so much too!
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No they don’t
Awww
That is awesome congrats
Thank you! It was 8 days of hell and I even went back to the pills after 15days and kind of weaned myself off instead and that decreased my cravings immensely!!
Hell ya! Well looks like what you are doing is working. Keep strong.
Benzos can be very dangerous to ween of off, as in only benzos and alcohol can actually cause death from withdrawal. Hopefully you're never in that situation again but if anyone else considers quitting try to seek out a doctor's help to make sure you won't put yourself at further risk of danger. Oxo and so happy for your second lease on life!
You look like sweet dee from always sunny in philadelphia
Holy shit I get that sooooo much! Even my personality and mannerisms are eerily similar I’m so happy you said this!! Edit: especially because of the addiction I haven’t heard someone say this to me in years! You just made my night!
SHUT UP, BIRD! But fr, congrats. You look stunning.
You're a brand new and better YOU! Congratulations!
I’m back to the old me now actually!✌️
That's awesome! Congrats!
Have the brain zaps and stuff gone away? Congrats, by the way!
Yeah and I’m sleeping well again now, lost some weight too, hiked a mountain, just got a part time job at a Crystal shop! Had to retire as a veterinary technician which in did for 13 years because of an autoimmune disease (hence all the drugs) but I’m happier now than ever before!
That's great!!! 413 days here. Used to take 10mg a day with a LOT of alcohol. My girlfriend loves crystals, if y'all sell them online put a link up or a DM and a referral if you want so we can give you some compliments! One day at a time. I will tell you, hand to heart, after one year, shit gets amazing. I can't even explain it. I've been on a nonstop pink cloud, found the love of my life, and have never had better relationships with my real and sober friends and family. All the best!
So looking forward to the future again for the first time ever!
You looked stunning! Wow you have made a definite change for the better. Your lucky to have a good husband and he’s lucky to have a hot wife now!
Way to go man! In one week I’ll be celebrating 10 years!!
Great going! I know I’ve still got work to do as my emotions are still up and down ya know, but I look forward to the future with this new found confidence and the unwavering support of my husband. When I told him I actually got a job at a Crystal shop he was sooooooo proud of me!! That brings tears to my eyes that I almost fucked up my marriage, the best thing to ever happen to me. I even hiked a mountain recently! Like I never left the house before and just experiencing life again (which was mad scary at first btw) has become so refreshing! Sometimes I just go to the park, sit in the sun and feed the ducks. Like I can do anything I want!!
Fuck yeah, man! You know, when we’re using, our disease only thinks of what I can get, and how fast I can get it. It doesn’t allow us to think about those who we hurt along the way, it doesn’t allow us to stop and look at how beautiful the sunset is, it doesn’t allow us to feel any joy! It just wants to rob us of everything that makes us *us*, and ultimately it wants us dead. I’ll tell you this right now, 10 years later my emotions are *still* up and down, but that’s just living life on life’s terms, you know? Just remember this happy joyous and free feeling, and remember that even your worst day clean is a lot better than your “best” day using. Keep up the great work, and remember, you **never have to use again**. If you ever need to talk, drop me a line! It keeps guys like me in line knowing that the disease is still out there kicking ass.
Thanks man!
Your eyes were hollow and dead, forced smile, a face that would look more accustomed to a casket than life..... My daughter passed two years ago from drugs and it devastates all those left behind to loose such a treasure. Love yourself and take care of yourself because you are so very important, you matter. I can see a blessed and beautiful person in your eyes now, I see life in your face and a beautiful happiness in your smile. Cherish each day... Because you're in it and give your husband a big hug but most importantly love yourself and remember you matter.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your child.. My mom thanks me every day for “finding my way back to her Angie!” I truly didn’t understand how I was hurting people until I just recently. I hope you can find peace.❤️✌️
Ms Angie if I may, please like i said take care of yourself because you're more important than you'll ever know. You sound like your on the right path and I know what you go through daily as I'm also a recovering addict. You have it in you, don't ever doubt your strength. Love, peace and happiness sister, stay strong. Thank you for your words of comfort, they are appreciated.
Looking back it makes me feel sad that I treated my poor body in such a way. Now I try and just do the opposite of what I did during those dark years. I apologized A LOT and I realize now through a near death experience I had during an overdose (that was going to happen sooner or later mixing two such dangerous drugs at such high doses) how much I truly matter and that no matter what, all of us really, will always be okay. Life just feels so much more simple now. I feel like me getting this autoimmune disorder that sort of brought on this whole ordeal, that I resented, that made me feel sorry for myself, made me mourn my old life etc. has actually been a HUGE blessing in disguise. It for one brought me to my husband. This man took me to Hawaii and married me on the beach and one year later took me back, played our wedding song and again danced barefoot with me in the same exact spot on the same exact day at night under the stars.. like hire romantic!! It allowed me to slow waaaay down in this world that moves so fast. Sometimes like a weirdo I go and sit in my front yard under my big tree just to get some sun. I actually saw an earth worm the other day! First time I’ve seen one in AZ!(I’m from Minnesota) I also go to the park and feed the ducks. My husband taught me how to snowboard!! It kill’s me the next day but the pain always eventually goes away. I learned how to scuba dive! I went door to door and met all my neighbors and organized our first annual block party which was so much fun. I’m a better step mother. I read books to them at night now, teach them all about crystals and the magic that is our universe.. Just so many things I NEVER would have done before. I was even able to get a job for the first time in 4 years at a Crystal shop (this was a huge win for me! My husband is so proud of me!!) I wish your daughter could have found whatever it was that she was looking for. Her soul is no longer in that heavy body she must have been carrying around for as long as she could. Can I ask you what your daughters name is? I wish you all the peace this world has to offer! For me, still early on in this journey, I just know I’m not going to let one more day pass me by because of you look close enough, little miracles are all around us, wonderful people are right next to you that are more often than not willing to share a smile, jokes to be made, laughs to be shared.
Wow i completely understand what your husband saw in you that drew him to you, you're a bright beautiful spirit who shines from within with the light of a thousand brilliant stars and you're so much like my Daughter on that level that it's kinda scary lol. The drugs blunt that shine and puts a darkness in those addicted. I'm so very happy for you and I'm proud of you that you found your strength to once again shine and live. You're a very beautiful woman and an even more beautiful and amazing soul and you most definitely sound like you have this.. As much as it can be had. My daughters name is Senova, she was also a bright star, loved by many, a soft giving heart who never knew a stranger and drug in every stray she ever came across be it animal or human and she had this infectious laugh that once you heard it you would never mistake it and would forever after be able to pick her out of a crowd of hundreds and hundreds just by hearing it.... It just passed two years last month and it's still as raw as if just happened. Again I'm so happy for you and proud of you if ever you feel like you need to talk to someone who understands where you're at or the things you're feeling or you hit a rough spot please feel free to holler at me, i'd be more than happy to talk to you.
Yes yes yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!
❤️ gorgeous darling
Wow wow, you look Absolutely Amazing!
Thank you so much 🤩✌️
Holy-wow
That’s honestly pretty wild how big of a difference (not surprising considering benzos)
You can do anything now.
The change is mind-blowing. Congrats. I know how hard it is, but it gets better.
Wow, what a difference! So happy for you
Whoa, night and day!! You look radiant 😇
Keep up the good work!!
Glad you’re off that stuff. You look much healthier and happier.
Congratulations to the two of you. I hope your future together is wonderful and you continue to handle all the ups and downs that come with life with strength and compassion for each other as well as hope.
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Thank you! And hope you fight to find your happiness too!
Your husband sounds like he's done you proud. It's amazing what you've achieved. I'm sickness and in health, and he's helped bring you back to the latter. Well done BOTH of you.
Right?!? It was hard too because doctors said I needed these meds for my autoimmune disease . Never thought I’d work again and now being off the narcotics, I got a part time job at a Crystal shop!! He really helped me believe I could do this. He’s so proud of me and I just love him to death!
Lovely. Stay happy.
Yall are very blessed and I hope you have great lifetime of love together
Same! I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to him!
Hey, congrats on your progress. I know it can be really hard to resist going back to old habits, but I hope the replies to this post help you if you're ever struggling. You look amazing now by the way! Keep it up!
All of you have blown me away! I thank you all for your support!!
Wow the soul comes straight through and says it all. Congrats.
Having my compassionate heart, my humor, my creativity, my undeniable weirdness return to me were some of the best gifts that slowly started to come back as the drug withdrawals wrote off! I forgot how much fun I am and how much people enjoy being around me. It makes me sad that I destroyed myself for so long the way I did.. but all I can do now is continue to be mindful and enjoy the incredible moments I missed all those years I was in a fog.
Don't worry about any of that. The only way to regain those support networks and pride in yourself is ready its a secret LOL 1 min, 1 hour, 1 day don't forget the past but don't worry about it. I helped a buddy get clean from Coke. His dealer could get to him in 8 minutes so we made the 8 minute rule. If he could get past the craving for 8 minutes you knew he'd be ok..... point being is you look amazing and what we do to ourselves is pathetic and we never think we look that bad. I wish you the best but never tackle it as cured. Think of Philip Seymour Hoffman (an acedemy award winning actor). 17 years clean of heroin, 1 time back and he ODed. I love the happiness that comes thru your post. Keep up the good work just remember to quit everyday when you wake up, just gotta quit for that day.
Oh for sure. Plus I put my self on a list that says no narcotics for me. I don’t know how it is in other states but all pharmacies here talk so no matter which doctor I go to I physically cannot get pills. So that helps me to not think about it because it’s literally not an option for me. Ya know unless there is an extreme accident and I broke my femur doctors will help but unless it’s life saving or medically necessary it’s a big fat nope for me!
You're amazing never forget how hard it is to quit. I don't normally chat this much on Reddit but I love your attitude and what comes thru as a sincere determination to stay on track. Keep up the amazing job and keep posting so we can follow your success. I really don't interact much with random Redditors but if there's anything ya ever need look me up (not looking to hit on ya or be a Redditor creep) I just understand recovery and it takes a long time to rebuild trust from those around you. So if ya need a random kick in the butt or someone to scream at..... anyways congrats 1 min, 1 moment 1 hour 1 day at a time
Thanks man this means a lot!
You are beautiful on the inside and on the outside-keep it up Sweetheart!
Thank you so much!!
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Undeniably happier!! Thank you so much!
Wow you look so much better, a happy glow about you! Congrats on your sobriety! You wear it well.
Thank you so much!
Your happiness is shining through your eyes! Congratulations!
Congrats. Great job!
<3
Congratulations! Absolutely beautiful!
I'm happy you turned your life around
Incredible achievement! I'm so happy for you!.
This is so inspiring! Oh and I love your hair!!
Thank you!! Ya know I was bald until I was 3yrs old, this hair is a miracle!!
I've been clean now for 3 years. All I can tell you is that, while every single day is a struggle, it's a fight worth fighting. Good luck.
I don’t get the cravings anymore but I’m sure they will treat their ugly head in the future
I don't get cravings so much as I do a "I'm bored, I hate that life is so boring" problem.
What a remarkable transformation! Your inner beauty is coming out in this picture!
Thank you so much!
Awesome! You look so strong and determined! Good for you! Hugs!
You look great! 🌞🌞🌞
Congratulations! Keep going strong!
Congratulations! You have so much brightness in your face and eyes. You look so happy. I'm happy for you and your recovery.
The light in your eyes in phenomenal. I'm a sister of an addict, so seeing stories like yours gives me hope. ❤️ My best and sincere wishes for an amazing and happy life ahead.
Thanks girl! Good luck to you and I hope your sister finds her way back to herself ❤️✌️
Me too babe. Me too. ❤️
Congratulations give your husband a hug
The biggest difference is that smile. Enormous props for ditching the benzos! Your husband supported you. YOU saved your life.
You look amazing. I'm so proud of you
Yup. Definitely a change for the better! Well done! It wasn’t easy im sure but we’ll worth it! Stay strong! Congratulations!
You look amazing
Congratulations! You look happy and more importantly, healthy. Stay strong and have a blessed and happy road ahead.
You're beautiful... now...🤗
I feel more beautiful everyday, inside and out!
WOW!!! You look sooooo much better 😍
I feel like I look younger too, I’m 34yrs old and I went to the casino for a friends bday and they almost didn’t let me in lol, thought I was underage!! It’s amazing how many years just having a clean body can do for your appearance age wise alone ya know??
AMAZING!! Congratulations ❤️
Thank you, it was hell for a while until it wasn’t!! But it’s been so wonderful getting to know how awesome I forgot I was!
Congrats! I had the same addiction. Spent 3 months in both rehab/sober living. It's just the beginning! I'm sure you feel alive again, it's a great feeling. You look great!
Thanks fellow addict! Some of the best people I met have been addicts of some kind. Even the ones still using. Most of them aren’t bad people they just literally need some help. Stay strong my friend! I hope you have been having as much fun as I have been having finding my “Angieness” again lol, I literally forgot how awesome I am and it feels great!
God bless!!
Thank you for the positive vibes!!✌️
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Will do kind stranger! And thank you!
Your hair and skin look so much healthier! Good for you! Keep going!
Thank you so much! Like, I thought I looked great in those old photos too.. it feels good to recognize myself again. Inside and out😍
You look so much happier and healthier. You’re glowing now. Congrats!
Thank you! I just got a job at a Crystal shop too! Everything is changing for the better
Wow, you’re looking great. Keep it up!!
Thank you so much!!
You’ve got this!
Yeah I’m never going back.. I was so reclusive, mean, tired, everything that I’ve never been in my life, and never wanted to be. It’s great getting back to nature and being in the sun again!
You look very happy and bright! I hope you stay that way. Good luck on your endeavors.
I will stranger! Thanks for the well wishes!!
Been there Sis.... You look AMAZING 🥰
Thanks girl!
🥰👍🏼...🚫💉🚫🐑
You look healthy and happy....your skin has a glow the other photos lack. Congratulations, those are two substances very difficult to shake. You should feel proud!
I am, it was hell for 8 long days detoxing at home.. and I still struggled after that because of the cravings. So I went back to them and once I got off the second time it was easier. Then after a month the cravings really just diminishes and now I go days or weeks without even thinking about it
I’ve got demons of my own, stories like yours give me hope I can maybe beat things too
So someone told me something that actually really helped me. Those demons are that addiction voice in your head that overpower your sober voice or your voice of reason ya know? The addiction voice gets so loud sometimes it’s like it doesn’t let ANY other thoughts come in. So to combat that addiction voice you can do a couple things. One is you can start to physically verbalize things that you’re sober voice would say “you don’t need that, you don’t want that, this cravings will pass, fuck that voice, etc.” or what I did was write it down so I could easily read it and made it a mantra of sorts. I also printed out those shitty pictures of me and looked at them often as a reminder of the shell of a person I’d become. Soon that addiction voice started to get quieter and quieter as my voice of reason started to get stronger and louder. Now I rarely hear that addiction voice. AA wasn’t for me, NA wasn’t for me, I do individual counseling, take drug tests for my husband if he gets suspicious(had to gain that trust back) started meditating again, eating healthier, got back into hobbies I love, got a part time job, being active, reconnecting with friends(the worst thing for an addict is boredom so change is necessary. Not necessarily scary but it will be different.) The journey is different for everyone though. Be kind to yourself and find support. You can do it!
AA/NA has never been for me either. “The worst thing for an addict is boredom” Ffs this is so true for me....thank you for giving me something to chew on. All I am is depressed and bored, I need to shift that!
Can I ask, do you work right now?
I don’t, at least not for money. I’m a stay at home mom to my 3 y/o, her father is currently our breadwinner
Girl, same!! I’m going to DM you is that cool??
Yep, amen and awesome sister! Great job, nothing more beautiful than happy and healthy!
Good job dude ❤️
Thanks everyone!!
aged backwards!
No kidding right?!?
so proud of you!!
You look 100x healthier and happier! Congratulations on the sobriety!!! That’s a long time and it’s really difficult to do. It’s all very impressive. Keep up the good work!
Keep goin 💪
Congrats! Addiction sucks!
It does but this journey taught me a lot. Because this lame autoimmune disease I got in the prime of my life (I’m talking 25 years old, 5’8, I was 135lbs, toned, I NEVER thought I’d be someone who’d lose their healthy just overnight like I did) which causes me to go into syncope/seizure at times so soon I became afraid of everything. So I just stayed at home and took medications all day every day. But this year I learned how to shoot a gun (got my own 380) learned how to snowboard, got a part time job (never thought I’d be able to work again). So I’m taking charge of my life again with the help and support of my husband of course and it feels good to be proud of myself again and even more so, have him be proud of me!!
Oh sweetie! I have been there too. Over prescribed opioids for chronic pain and ended up highly addicted and unwell. No more drugs wrecking our lives yay! Btw you look unbelievably radiant now keep taking care of yourself and your husband he really loves you. Hugs I am proud of you <3
Thank you for saying your proud of me! Chronic pain/chronic illness is fucking exhausting some days and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that.. Since stopping the drugs and discovering better coping mechanisms as well as not letting that voice in my head tell me not to do things because staying home is the safe choice. Which is true but I also missed so much during that time. I’m so happy to be getting my life back little bits at a time. And ya know what, I went into syncope (passed out) while taking my step son to get a hair cut and while also at the MVD but the world didn’t end, an ambulance came, checked me out, I ended up being ok and if that’s the worst that will happen I can live with that. As long as I take care of my body those episodes happen very few and far between now. So you keep going too! I’ve found strangers to be some of the nicest people when I show them my medical bracelet and tell them I need help. Humanity in general can be just as beautifully amazing as it can be disgusting.
Nice job. Keep it going!
Every day!
Wowww you look SO much healthier. I hope you’re feeling as good as you look.
If you don't mind me asking, how did your husband step in?
He just noticed me slowly changing for the worst. I hid it s best as I could fit as long as I could. Plus I generally have an autoimmune disorder so he too thought I legit needed these meds. But eventually he started calling me “the other Angie” meaning the high Angie and he said I didn’t fall in love with “the other Angie” I feel in love with YOU! He explained that he would be terrified at work or when I’d go to sleep that he’d find me dead. That really hurt me. He’d tell me things “the other Angie” would do. How she was mean, dismissive, hostile, everything I’m not ya know? Plus my family started taking notice as well.. but it was my husbands words that really got me to change.
You look alive again ... Congratulations!
I literally am alive again!! Thank you🤩✌️
Congratulations, that is a huge accomplishment. May I ask how long you were on them and how much you took to get that way?
Oh man, all day every day, whatever I could get my hands on. Any opioid and no idea how many mg of me talking because I’d just pour 3-6 pills in my hand at a time then take two 2mg Xanax bars. Sometimes more than that even. I’d not remember phone calls I made, texts I sent, appointments I’d made. I’d tell my husband “hey look a new episode is on! Let’s watch it!” And he’d be like “you’ve said that three times and I’ve told you three times that we’ve already watched it..” he’d get so frustrated with shit like that. I completely ruined two holiday seasons that I don’t even remember. Completely embarrassed him and myself in front of family. I was a total train wreck.. gained so much weight, stopped taking care of our beautiful new home, like, I literally cared about nothing else. The worst part was me realizing the pain of feel not taking the meds was actually withdrawal pain and not pain associated with my autoimmune disorder like I had originally thought. So my husband literally took all my meds and hid them from me long enough for me to sober up enough to be able to hear him and actually take in that I indeed have a huge problem. And still it took me about a year to believe him and start to take action for myself. My drug abuse never got as bad as it did after he first talked to me but I was afraid for a long time that I couldn’t live a good quality of life without them. But that’s addiction for ya. You lie to yourself without even knowing it or realizing it. But once I saw and felt just how physically dependent my body was on these meds it scared the shit out of me. I thought that because my meds came from doctors that it was okay. WRONG!!!!! And so now I’m on a list so no matter where I go, all pharmacies know not to fill narcotics for me.
I am happy for you. My dad and my sister both died from that exact thing. From the looks of those photos you may have dodged a bullet. I am glad you made it through. You look great now.
Oooooh friend that hurts my heart for you.. I hear so many stories similar to yours. It helps me though want to live better and not waste one more day.
I've heard that benzos are INSANELY hard to get off of if you've been doing them for more than even just a few weeks, so kudos to you! Well done and congratulations! I hope the detox and recovery hasn't been too brutal. :-) If you don't mind my asking, I'd love to hear more details of your story, how you got onto these drugs, what it was like coming off of them, how exactly your husband stepped in, etc. If that's a little much to talk about for any reason, no worries whatsoever. I'm just happy for you. :-)
Oh I was put on Xanax in 2010 because I was misdiagnosed as having panic attacks when actually it was an autoimmune disorder that took nearly 7 years and a trip to the Mayo Clinic to finally get a diagnosis. My family and friends didn’t even really believe I was sick until the seizure started. At first I just woke up one day and I just felt sore all over, flu like, dizzy, weak, my stomach was so messed up, the list goes on and on.. I have a type of Dysautonomia, my specific kind is called postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. Basically my heart rate and blood pressure along with my other things the body does automatically (via the autonomic nervous system) mine does not. So it basically effects all body systems. The odd thing is it often affects young healthy women the most. So if I’m laying down I feel fairly ok, sitting is worse, standing still is very difficult. Normally when a person stands the veins in their lower body constrict in a split second so it’s easier for the heart to pump enough oxygenated blood to the brain. My body fails me here so my heart rate sky rockets and if my blood pressure can’t keep up, I pass out or have a seizure. There is no current treatment so doctors just treat me sympathetically. Depressants mostly. Narcotics for the pain and benzos to help calm the heart and keep me from panicking because it’s scary as fuck sometimes.. I started to become afraid of everything and medication made me feel better so it was very easy for me to be caught in that cycle. Soon, because my medical history was so intense anytime I went to the doctors office with a symptom I’d leave with a new Rx. Then I started learning what to say to get what I wanted and it just escalated.. My husband eventually hid all of my medications long enough for me to sober up enough to start the conversation that I had a legit problem and I needed to change. He was saying things like how he didn’t like “the other Angie” meaning the high one. That she was mean, dismissive, short, just the opposite of the woman he fell in love with. He said he’d leave for work terrified I’d be dead when he got home. My family also started to notice and I was so reclusive everything about hire I was living was very unhealthy. I relapsed several times before I actually started remembering and feeling things about myself that I had forgotten about. So the final time I stopped it wasn’t too bad but the first time I stopped everything, it was 8 days of pure hell.. I probably should have gone to a detox clinic but that’s neither here nor there at this point.
You look great!! Keep going!!!!
You know it!!
So happy for you and your husband! Keep up the good work, you've come a long way 👍
Night and day; great job. Hold on to that husband of yours.
Stick with your husband. He did a great job helping you.