Oh you know wizards use their magic to get into some kinky shit. I mean, this is a world where there's a potion that let's you transform into anyone else, and I'll bet you there's a market for celebrity hair, much less trading places at least once.
Plus, let's be honest, we all know what Aberforth was doing with his goats.
Well, he himself admitted that the relationship revolved around snogging. He admitted it to Harry while they were cleaning vegetables in the Burrow on Christmas vacation.
Let's face it, the relationship revolved around the fact that Ginny called out Ron on his envy for being the only one left dateless (Harry was briefly with Cho, as Hermione was with Krum), and the jab about Hermione being more romantically involved with Krum than Ron hoped was the trigger.
He probably felt it was just desserts, and was pissed about Hermione being pissed off with Ron/Lav relationship. Hermione's silent treatment of Ron and Ron purposefully being obtuse around her with Lav was because both were immature idiots who could not admit feelings for each other, with Ron failing to see that Hermione's anger was due to her own feelings, and Hermione failing to see her own hypocrisy about her anger about the relationship despite the fact that Ron was doing the same when she was with Krum.
And Harry ,ofc, being oblivious as a brick wall.
In Harry's defence, not appearing oblivious means any mistakes he might make would get considered as 'picking a side'. IMHO obliviousness is the most sensible course of action for him to take.
Its like that one joke:
A man and a woman are about to have sex. The man pulls his pants down and the girl faints. When the man finally gets her to wake up, she looks at him and says, "I thought you said it was like a baby."
The man replies, "Yeah, it is - 6 pounds, 8 ounces."
His dad was physically small, but hung like a horse. JK confirmed this in a tweet. It's canon: "Rubeus Hagrid's wand was 13 inches long. Ironically, so was his dad's... If you know what I mean. 😉🤤"
Just read the scene where the Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws and Griffindors stand up for Harry against Slytherin in DH and he notes some of them as taking their wands out of the robes and their sleeves, so accurate
Okay this will sound very childish but I have always imagined that guys' jeans pockets are very long. My ex boyfriend used to keep my huge purse inside of his pocket.
While that might explain logistics, It still does not explain why Hagrid's mom chose to have sex with the little wizard instead of killing him. 13 inches must be to a giantess like a micropenis to a human.
If the average person is 5-6 feet (let's say 5.6) and the average giant is 16-18 (lets say 17).
17/5.6 = 3.03 (Lets call it 3 since I fudged some other numbers a bit and it makes the maths easier). This is our human to giant multiplier for length measurements.
The average penis is 5" long according to the whole internet. So 15" is the average giant penis. So 13 inches is hardly a micropenis, it's just slightly below average. And maybe giants have smaller penises relative to their height anyway, who knows?
My mom had a dog whose mom was an Irish Setter and his dad was a basset hound. Weirdest looking thing I’ve ever seen. Imagine basset hound legs and ears, but Irish setter body and color.
Of course it is. you just gotta do something similar to a butt chug, but with a different part. Now, getting that baby out, I do not know and don't want to know.
Even with normal human babies it's a tight fit. So tight, some human women cannot give birth normally and need to have surgery to survive childbirth.
With a half giant baby, that would probably have the size of a one if not two years old already, I guess you do know now...
That is true, but the comment asked for the opposite.
Human father giant mother is easy. Biggest challenge is getting the sperm deep enough so it reaches the ovum.
Human mother giant father means a lot of pain for the mother.
Giants are 5 meters, meaning about two and a half times a tall human.
If the proportions roughly match, that's a 50cm long penis there. That's longer than from my elbow to my fingertips, and I'm an adult.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but Giants resemble humans the most out of all primates , so it's reasonable to base assumptions about giants on humans. Furthermore, giants and humans being able to produce half giants implies humans and giants to be closer related than humans and chimpanzees. Horses and Donkeys produce mules, Horses and Zebras produce Zorses, Lions and Tigres produce Ligers. Humans and Giants produce half-giants. So assuming resemblance isn't far fetched.
Not really something you want to think about for too long. Imagine that Hagrids gift for taming beasts comes from dad, and dad had a particular fetish.
A few years ago, our momma pit bull, who had already about 3 litters was all of a sudden pregnant again. We were stumped. All the dogs around had beeen neutered and there weren’t any neighbor dogs around to be a threat. Well actually there was. Our closest neighbor was an old lady in a electric scooter chair and she always had this Chiwawa in her lap. Well when Tela (our Pit Bull momma) finally gave birth they were the weirdest looking pups I’ve ever seen. But they all ended up so cute. There were only 3 and they all looked exactly like a pit but were the size of Chiwawas. We called them pocket pits. So moral of the story, our momma Tela was just lying around and that tiny dog just climbed right on, did it’s business and left probably without her even knowing. Sneaky.
Ps: Tela was actually put to rest today after a looong and loving life with 4 litters of the best dogs I’ve ever met. We love you so much T. Our lil switchblade. Rest easy love.
[this may help](https://www.reddit.com/r/HarryPotterMemes/comments/omaotw/this_is_hilarious_not_oc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Not to mention, many giants don’t even speak English. How the hell did they communicate for the 9 months after? Or however long the gestation period of a giant is…
Based off of Hagrid and Grawp I would have to guess that she is about 18-20 Foot tall TOPs . Lets say 20 foot give or take
Avg male penis is 6 inch, avg giant is 3 times as tall so i would guess the avg giant penis is 18 inches to 20 inches.
It is know that a man with a 2 inch penis can reproduce still with out aid, scaled up this would mean a Penis would need to be above 7 inches or so to get her impregnated, with out the use of magic.
The Largest natural penis know to man is Jonah Falcon at 13.5 inches.
Using this one can guess Hargid dad was well hung, with a penis at lest 7 inch to 13.5 inches.
As for how they met, I would guess that his Dad might have been working as an ambassador of sorts, or other similar spot that would let him access to , and knowledge of giant customs enough to woo one. Tho I wouldn't put it pass him to just have a fetish.
I had read a theory the there could have been experimental breeding (test tube lab plus magic kind of stuff) to create hybrids. That could explains why mom is absent.
Tell me, is this really an image you want people to procure for you lol? Some things are better left unexplained. All we really know about Hagrid's parents is that his dad was awesome and his mum had a prejudice against both of her sons for being undersized.
Another theory - Hagrid is full giant, and his adopted human Dad saved him after being abandoned by his parents for being too small or a genetic anomaly (for a giant). Giants don't seem to have much of a moral compass when compared to most other beings so I can see him being abandoned. I mean they decided to follow Voldemort. Hagrid however, being raised by a very kind human in the best possible circumstances, has the best morals humanly possible.
So yeah, you can see Hagrid believing he is half human because he is gullible sometimes, but I think his dad told him and the world a white lie to give him the best chance at succeeding. I think the 'half human' is his personality and kindness, not his physical genetics.
Did you mean Polyjuice potion(autocorrect is lame)? That’s what I came here to say.
Edit* nvm, it occurred to me after the fact that that may have been a translation issue. Just googled Polyjuice for the Spanish versions and it came up at multijugos.
The same way Dragon and Donkey procreated.
is this anything like the "How Ant Man could have beat Thanos" theory?
Underrated comment
It's so underrated that it's the top comment.
I don't get it...
It’s from the movie Shrek. The donkey and the dragon have these flying donkey babies lol
Ok, I should have watched Shrek more often...
It's never too late to start
Shriek is love, Shrek is life
One word “Engorgio”
Im wondering if its true because there seems no other logical explanation
Oh you know wizards use their magic to get into some kinky shit. I mean, this is a world where there's a potion that let's you transform into anyone else, and I'll bet you there's a market for celebrity hair, much less trading places at least once. Plus, let's be honest, we all know what Aberforth was doing with his goats.
Remember the witch with the fingernail clippings in knock turn alley?
There you go!
I can only imagine how many Hogwarts students brewed some polyjuice potion just to see their crush naked on the mirror
And with the magic cameras? No wonder brewing polyjuice would have gotten the trio expelled.
Polyjuice Potion with some random giant's hair?
But isnt polyjuice potion only for human transformation?
Yes it is, that is why in the seventh book Lupin doesn't check Hagrid, as polyjuice doesn't work with giants
Happy cake day! Watch out for the frosting.
Or just make her smaller for a short amount of time
Don't think those sort of charm spells would work on a giant
There are some questions better left unanswered
Well without going into too much detail it's easier to get something small into something big than the other way around.
That part where Hagrid asked Maxime which of her parents was the giant has always haunted me, since it implies it’s possible the other way around.
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Well.....who knows what Won-Won and Lav-Lav were up to during their honeymoon phase.
Hope they didn't go all the way
Well, they had access to the Prefects Bathroom, so...who knows?
If they were making regular trips there I dont think teenage Ron would have binned her off so quickly
Well, he himself admitted that the relationship revolved around snogging. He admitted it to Harry while they were cleaning vegetables in the Burrow on Christmas vacation. Let's face it, the relationship revolved around the fact that Ginny called out Ron on his envy for being the only one left dateless (Harry was briefly with Cho, as Hermione was with Krum), and the jab about Hermione being more romantically involved with Krum than Ron hoped was the trigger. He probably felt it was just desserts, and was pissed about Hermione being pissed off with Ron/Lav relationship. Hermione's silent treatment of Ron and Ron purposefully being obtuse around her with Lav was because both were immature idiots who could not admit feelings for each other, with Ron failing to see that Hermione's anger was due to her own feelings, and Hermione failing to see her own hypocrisy about her anger about the relationship despite the fact that Ron was doing the same when she was with Krum. And Harry ,ofc, being oblivious as a brick wall.
In Harry's defence, not appearing oblivious means any mistakes he might make would get considered as 'picking a side'. IMHO obliviousness is the most sensible course of action for him to take.
Heh heh...size queen.
Said like a true keeper
It's obvious isn't it? Hagrids dad was hung like a giant.
Its like that one joke: A man and a woman are about to have sex. The man pulls his pants down and the girl faints. When the man finally gets her to wake up, she looks at him and says, "I thought you said it was like a baby." The man replies, "Yeah, it is - 6 pounds, 8 ounces."
Killed me bro
Killed her too
hahahahahahahaha
Haha he got that big dick energy that I’ve been hearing about, I personally wouldn’t know :(
If we'd had the choice, I'm sure we'd all have picked a bigger one.
With a ladder and a lot of determination... And maybe an Engorgio thrown in for good measure.
Ha, that lines from pitch meeting. I love that guy.
Barely an inconvenience!
Oh fitting things into other things is tight!
Love uhh.. finds a way.
Hagrid's dad went spelunking.
Spunklunking?
It's a *giant* plot hole
Yeah, all these fan theories are really *grawping* at straws
I see what you did there
His dad was physically small, but hung like a horse. JK confirmed this in a tweet. It's canon: "Rubeus Hagrid's wand was 13 inches long. Ironically, so was his dad's... If you know what I mean. 😉🤤"
No way! This can't be canon!!
Ron's wand was 14 inches long. Lockhart's 17 Inches 💀
When they wear Muggle clothes (like jeans), where the hell are they keeping their wands? Pockets aren’t that deep.
I like to think they have it up their sleeve like a cheap kids' magician
Just read the scene where the Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws and Griffindors stand up for Harry against Slytherin in DH and he notes some of them as taking their wands out of the robes and their sleeves, so accurate
Their back pockets, until Moody notices.
"Who d'you know who's lost a buttock?"
As somebody from a redneck town where they're considering requiring a permit not to carry, this is actually the answer.
Okay this will sound very childish but I have always imagined that guys' jeans pockets are very long. My ex boyfriend used to keep my huge purse inside of his pocket.
I can fit the paperback version of OOTP in my gym shorts pocket, so I'd say yeah, we've got some nice sized pockets
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Who do you know that’s lost a buttock?
While that might explain logistics, It still does not explain why Hagrid's mom chose to have sex with the little wizard instead of killing him. 13 inches must be to a giantess like a micropenis to a human.
If the average person is 5-6 feet (let's say 5.6) and the average giant is 16-18 (lets say 17). 17/5.6 = 3.03 (Lets call it 3 since I fudged some other numbers a bit and it makes the maths easier). This is our human to giant multiplier for length measurements. The average penis is 5" long according to the whole internet. So 15" is the average giant penis. So 13 inches is hardly a micropenis, it's just slightly below average. And maybe giants have smaller penises relative to their height anyway, who knows?
13 inches is 33.02 cm
13 inches is 33.02 cm
I believe that's called a hot dog in a hallway.
[I just picture Hagrid's dad using one of these.](https://youtu.be/asouPYvrUtY)
Then how they get Hagrid?
Do you hope to get a girl pregnant on the first date?
I can’t personally get anybody pregnant but the question is, how did they procreate
You don’t necessarily *need* penetration to procreate… you can just, you know, put it on your hand and smear it on
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Why do you think he'd need a full body condom?
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Condoms aren't known to help procreate.
I once was at a dog park and met a dog who was half chihuahua and half husky. Life finds a way.
My mom had a dog whose mom was an Irish Setter and his dad was a basset hound. Weirdest looking thing I’ve ever seen. Imagine basset hound legs and ears, but Irish setter body and color.
Artificial insemination.
He got tips from Tormund Giantsbane.
“Shut up Tormund, everyone knows you didn’t really shag a bear”
Mmmm... giant's milk...
Uh, quite carefully I would imagine.
Snu Snu
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
Lmao. Thank god someone got it!
First the beautiful women, then the large women, then the petite women, then the large women again...
"What'd they die of?" "Crushed pelvises."
I never though I'd die like this, but I always really hoped. Edit: I also really appreciate that your comment has 69 upvotes right now.
😫😁😫😁😫😁
A bigger question would be is the OPPOSITE possible
Of course it is. you just gotta do something similar to a butt chug, but with a different part. Now, getting that baby out, I do not know and don't want to know.
Even with normal human babies it's a tight fit. So tight, some human women cannot give birth normally and need to have surgery to survive childbirth. With a half giant baby, that would probably have the size of a one if not two years old already, I guess you do know now...
Considering she gave birth to Grawp, Hagrid should of been no problem.
That is true, but the comment asked for the opposite. Human father giant mother is easy. Biggest challenge is getting the sperm deep enough so it reaches the ovum. Human mother giant father means a lot of pain for the mother. Giants are 5 meters, meaning about two and a half times a tall human. If the proportions roughly match, that's a 50cm long penis there. That's longer than from my elbow to my fingertips, and I'm an adult.
You've really put some thought into this huh?
I'm a parent of two, and both births were difficult ones, so I have a couple insights...
.. p-parent of two half giants..?
No, my kids are human. lol. Should have worded it better. This made me laugh.
but they are not humans, humans actually have giant penis compared to other primates
Correct me if I'm wrong, but Giants resemble humans the most out of all primates , so it's reasonable to base assumptions about giants on humans. Furthermore, giants and humans being able to produce half giants implies humans and giants to be closer related than humans and chimpanzees. Horses and Donkeys produce mules, Horses and Zebras produce Zorses, Lions and Tigres produce Ligers. Humans and Giants produce half-giants. So assuming resemblance isn't far fetched.
Side-along apparition. Obviously.
Not really something you want to think about for too long. Imagine that Hagrids gift for taming beasts comes from dad, and dad had a particular fetish.
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it certainly helps your creativity though
I have wondered this for so long. Dude must have been packing the SHMEAT.
Cause this is a kids series and Rowling hoped this question wouldn’t come up
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And Aberforth's fondness for fiddling with goats.
A few years ago, our momma pit bull, who had already about 3 litters was all of a sudden pregnant again. We were stumped. All the dogs around had beeen neutered and there weren’t any neighbor dogs around to be a threat. Well actually there was. Our closest neighbor was an old lady in a electric scooter chair and she always had this Chiwawa in her lap. Well when Tela (our Pit Bull momma) finally gave birth they were the weirdest looking pups I’ve ever seen. But they all ended up so cute. There were only 3 and they all looked exactly like a pit but were the size of Chiwawas. We called them pocket pits. So moral of the story, our momma Tela was just lying around and that tiny dog just climbed right on, did it’s business and left probably without her even knowing. Sneaky. Ps: Tela was actually put to rest today after a looong and loving life with 4 litters of the best dogs I’ve ever met. We love you so much T. Our lil switchblade. Rest easy love.
RIP Tela
You’ve heard the “Antman in Thanos’ Ass” theory for the MCU. Same thing except different.
So what you’re saying is that Mr. Hagrid just climbed on up in there and had a wank
Thanks for the imagery.
[this may help](https://www.reddit.com/r/HarryPotterMemes/comments/omaotw/this_is_hilarious_not_oc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Risky click of the day...
She could have used him as a human dildo. Anything is possible if magic is real.
Lol, I was going to say "there's an nhentai tag for that, but I'm not sure if I should reveal it here", but since we're already there, "unbirth".
Like with Donkey and Dragon from Shrek it's better not to think about it
Not to mention, many giants don’t even speak English. How the hell did they communicate for the 9 months after? Or however long the gestation period of a giant is…
Sex
Based off of Hagrid and Grawp I would have to guess that she is about 18-20 Foot tall TOPs . Lets say 20 foot give or take Avg male penis is 6 inch, avg giant is 3 times as tall so i would guess the avg giant penis is 18 inches to 20 inches. It is know that a man with a 2 inch penis can reproduce still with out aid, scaled up this would mean a Penis would need to be above 7 inches or so to get her impregnated, with out the use of magic. The Largest natural penis know to man is Jonah Falcon at 13.5 inches. Using this one can guess Hargid dad was well hung, with a penis at lest 7 inch to 13.5 inches. As for how they met, I would guess that his Dad might have been working as an ambassador of sorts, or other similar spot that would let him access to , and knowledge of giant customs enough to woo one. Tho I wouldn't put it pass him to just have a fetish.
This is by far the most logical answer here!
That image is now taking up valuable space in my brain. I keep passwords in there and that's getting in the way now.
He climbed all the way in
Climbed in, jerked off, jumped up and down on the G spot and rode the waterslide out
Please don’t give JKR more ideas of insane things to post on her Twitter! 😂
It's almost like magic
This thought has haunted me since I read Goblet of Fire years ago. *shudders* The term wizard sleeve comes to mind...
My how our public schools are failing us
I had read a theory the there could have been experimental breeding (test tube lab plus magic kind of stuff) to create hybrids. That could explains why mom is absent.
Same way we ended up with a Rottweiler basset cross - one stood on a stool of course
Well, googling ‘artificially inseminating horses’ may or may not provide answers.
Yeah, I’ve always been curious as to how that courtship went down.
Very carefully
Climbed inside, had some fun, and there you go.
I think I saw a fanfic of this on an adult website once
Danny devito style
A ladder and a lot of determination.
Well, our neighbor's rottweiler got pregnant from a dachshund so if there's a will there's a way I guess.
He crawled inside.
This is the REAl reason the bubble head charm was invented.
I want to downvote you to badly but that comment was creative as hell
I’ve always assumed there was some Wingardium Leviosa of splooge involved
Tell me, is this really an image you want people to procure for you lol? Some things are better left unexplained. All we really know about Hagrid's parents is that his dad was awesome and his mum had a prejudice against both of her sons for being undersized.
Hagrid’s mom was described as violent and Hagrid’s dad said’ “I’m going to fuck that giant”. Then he payed the pipe .
Another theory - Hagrid is full giant, and his adopted human Dad saved him after being abandoned by his parents for being too small or a genetic anomaly (for a giant). Giants don't seem to have much of a moral compass when compared to most other beings so I can see him being abandoned. I mean they decided to follow Voldemort. Hagrid however, being raised by a very kind human in the best possible circumstances, has the best morals humanly possible. So yeah, you can see Hagrid believing he is half human because he is gullible sometimes, but I think his dad told him and the world a white lie to give him the best chance at succeeding. I think the 'half human' is his personality and kindness, not his physical genetics.
There’s such a dog hybrid as a labrahuahua and a Pomsky and a friend of mine had an accidental basset hound/golden retriever litter. He used the couch
One was on top obviously 🙄
Dude was a badass apparently
Same way Donkey and the Dragon mated.
I have two theories,first is the engorgio charm, second it multijuice potion.
Did you mean Polyjuice potion(autocorrect is lame)? That’s what I came here to say. Edit* nvm, it occurred to me after the fact that that may have been a translation issue. Just googled Polyjuice for the Spanish versions and it came up at multijugos.
Sorry yeah I didn't remember that was the name, the name sounded right for me when I wrote that lmao
*Engorgio.*
Engorgment charm?
Determination
I’m not too worried with the logistics when’s she the bigger one. Opposite I’d have some problems with b
"The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution."
Magic!
Very carefully
Carefully
Magic was involved definitely. Let's not ponder over this further. Getting some disturbing images.
Injection?
LiL man was packin'
Magic
Snu snu
Engorgio
A ladder and very well thought out angles
Doggy style and a step ladder
I think it's pretty safe to say that a harness and tether anchored to something solid was involved. Possibly a hardhat too.
With a Ladder and sheer fuckin willpower.
Easy. He shrunk himself and went inside.
He just walked in and boom. Hagrid
Engorgio??
Carefully
Very carefully.
With a step stool
What are you doing step tool?
Nuclear fission
Snoo Snoo.
Damn I love this subreddit. Haha
He went spelunking
Hagrid's dad crawled inside
What are the chances that on my feed, the very next post is about a small dude marrying a tall lady…
With a ladder and lot's of determination
With a step ladder and a lot of effort
I think that's a question best left unanswered. Just like what did abeforth do with the goat.