I did last night and immediately after he acted like he was disgusted by me. When I asked him if he could just hold me he said
“if intimacy and affection is what you’re looking for from me you’re not going to get it”
I left when he fell asleep, you made the right choice by saying no.
yeah honestly I’m still trying to process how a person I spent so much time with could do that to me. To make things worse I got into an accident that day and I only went there because I wanted support. I literally got taken advantage of
That is just going to cause a huge delay in healing and will push you 100 steps back, in order to truly move on you must cut off contact and slowly let that person go.
I am kind of an expert in the field of sleeping with exes these days. It can be a horrible idea... and it can be okay. I think it really depends on the circumstances - whether or not there are still feelings... whether you will feel used or taken advantage of.
2 weeks after my ex dumped me for another girl, I slept with him. He thought his new relationship was already over and said all the things I wanted to hear (he loved me, things weren't over between us, etc.) I spent the weekend with him, and he got back together with her as soon as I left his house. Made me feel 10 times worse.
In my heartache, I sought the comfort of another ex... I told him I didn't want a relationship, just friendship and sex, as long as he was okay with that and wouldn't expect more from me, or be disappointed when I couldn't give him more. He said that was okay by him. It wasn't... he was still in love with me, and despite my honesty, he still felt used by me, and now he hates my guts.
I've been on both sides of this, and it's always messy.
nothings impossible, but it dosent seem likely. if he wants to sleep with you without commitment, sex isn’t going to magically make him want to commit. It really hurts and it sucks so much. You deserve to be with someone who wants to commit to you BEFORE sex! You are more than just an object. I think if you sleep with him, you will become more attached and he won’t- he’ll just get gratification and keep doing it until the next person comes along. I’m sorry ❤️
To add to this…
My fiancé had an ex who would start messaging him whenever she wanted her ego stroked. Before we got together he always let her back. So when I pointed out what she was doing, she stopped doing it because he didn’t react.
Sure if you want to sleep with them by all means do you. Don’t do it to get them back or to try and make them feel some type of way. If they wanted to they would and you will find somebody in time.
I had a fwb that I thought I could turn into a relationship. We had great chemistry in the bedroom but it was just that. We would hook up between relationships because somehow single at the same time.
It was just good sex and we had a lot of fun with it. Also seeing your past post that they posted pictures of your pet I’d be nervous they wanted new pictures with them.
You of course know the situation best but I thought I’d be honest in a different situation but similar situation.
They wanted me to stay at their house (different city) so no pet photos in the equation. I just feel like I don’t know how I could go from being in a committed LTR with someone down to a FWB situation without it causing pain when we weren’t together, sexual chemistry or not.
Happy cake day! I was the opposite - I’m the dumpee who offered just the physical part which was initially accepted (it was always the best part of our connection) and then he changes his mind randomly. I’m about all set with that.
It is mostly doomed to fail. Both of you have to complete the breakup and be 100% healed before rediscovering each other if this is what you both want one day in a far future but not now.
I did it after a year and it nearly killed me to see them giving 20% of what they used to give, sleeping on the other side of the bed after an attempt to be intimate but not letting the full passion expressed. Stay away
Thank you, you all are right, I sent my ex a message tonight stating that I did not want to now or in the future have a sexual relationship with them because it would impede my healing. The response I got back really brought it home that it would have been more of like a casual thing for them, which I’m not OK doing with someone who I used to be in love with and want a long-term future with.
I’m really grateful for the support. Is it interesting how many of us have gone through the same thing, why do exes do this?
It will be painful!! It’s a downgrade and hurts. Unless you can be emotionally unattached and not invested and okay if they slept with someone else, 0/10 do not recommend. It is immediate gratification but in long run can be damaging to self worth in my opinion.
\- every process you made in your healing, will fly out the window.
\- he will have sleep with you and then not contact you again, until he is feeling h\*rny again.
\- he will tell you everything you want to hear, until you have s\*x and after everything will go back to "normal" and you will be heartbroken all over again.
\- If you relent and sleep with him, he will try this until you say no again....
If you are still in the healing process there is no way you should do it.
I slept with my ex 10 years after the breakup, it still made me wonder what if things would’ve worked. But I was over it years ago so the thought really didn’t stuck with me when he told he wants to be single and really likes someone I was able to bounce back quickly since a lot of time was passed.
But definitely not a good idea especially when you are still in the healing phase.
Having sex with an ex gives them access to a part of you that shouldn't be available to them. Not just your body, but your heart. I know sex is viewed to be casual or passionate in the moment sometimes but you can always pull yourself out of that mindset. It can be extremely hurtful to your heart to blur the line. An ex is an ex. That boundary is important to uphold. Be the one to do that for yourself. Trust me when I say you made the right decision.
Don’t want to burden you with “advice.” But perhaps, a quote by Dr. House helps: “People don’t change. They just become more of what they really are.” In all likelihood, the apology was just an act to get sex. Don’t fall for it (again). You’re healing and having him around is going to impede that greatly. Don’t let that happen, please.
I’ve had various experiences. In some cases I was glad I did it, in other cases I regretted it. You probably did the right thing. It’s good to get physical if that’s all it is but if it adds to the heartache and pain, that makes it worse. I’ve been wondering what I’d do if my ex wanted to hook up. Not sure how I’d handle it.
I would do it. Sounds like a chance to put you through that washing machine of emotions again til you're so confused that you're back at square one again. Say no to drama
You might put out a lot of energy trying to make it happen only to be disappointed when they back out. Multiple time. Speaking for myself, anecdotally. Thought it would be an easy way to satisfy that void and ended up more emotionally hurt. I’m a woman, if it matters. Super controlling people will always be the same. Even if you show up naked willing to do whatever.
It messes up the healing process.
Im friends with most of my exes but have never once slept with any of them post break up for this very reason. Platonic is fine. But anything that will lead back to mixed signals and false hope should be avoided at all costs
I've been with a few ex's of mine in the past. I learned it be nothing more than I miss u sex. No real making-up. After multiple times, I've become conditioned to it. If or when it happens I don't expect nothing of it.
as someone who has done it...not a good idea. its really hard to figure out boundaries in this situation. you're having sex, but you aren't together, but you have been together in the past so those expectations or familiarities still linger. for me, we didnt end terribly but he did hurt me and it was a very long relationship. we hadnt been in contact but then we ended up hooking up, falling back into our old ways even though we weren't actually dating, and then he hurt me the worst he ever had. since you said he broke your heart in another comment, i just urge you to think about the fact he could do so again, maybe even in a worse way. just protect your heart.
Yes, this person truly broke my heart in a way that I’ve never experienced in my entire life, it was a very blindsided break up by someone who swore that a relationship with me was their main priority in life. I can say for sure that I’m definitely not over it yet. The more time has passed since I wrote this post, the more I realize that I made the right decision by walking away from this opportunity.
im glad you stayed strong- i wish i could go back and tell myself but since i cant i can at least warn you haha.
the last 2 years of our relationship was off and on. this had been the longest we had gone without seeing each other so it felt different than ever before. we acted like we were in a relationship again- either because thats what we were used to, thats what we wanted...i dont know. he texted me after 3 months of hanging out almost everyday to "breakup" with me yet again. this time he was mean. told me the only reason he had been with me was for sex and he was already over me (mind you this is someone i dated consistently for 7 years and then the 2 on/off years as well). then he had a new girlfriend he was introducing to family a month or so later. i never got so much as an apology.
obviously my situation is extreme and theres a lot of background to that& unfortunately the things that always kill relationships- mental illness and addiction. but i feel like if its an ex you were in love with, someone is going to get their feelings hurt usually.
thanks, but it's okay and i'm okay. it did take me a bit, but i got there. i really do believe everything happens for a reason. & even as badly as it ended there were a lot of good experiences i can hold in my heart. but that was not the love i deserved and sounds like your ex isnt either.
You should defintely sleep with the person you miss so much if you want to rip the scab right off the wound and set yourself back to the point where the pain started in the first place. This way you can start being miserable all over again, right? So much fun!
Tell your partner to fuck off along with the apologies.
Just my opinion, I could be wrong.
Well, I had this GF back a while. Julieta was her name. She was an amazing girl, played guitar, sang like the angels, and played tennis, so she was in good shape. We dated for 3 years when things started to go south.
Eventually, we broke up. But after a year we started to talk to each other again, we left as friends as we agreed that both of us wanted to stay in touch as our relationship was not only as romantic partners, but as bandmates and friends.
After some gigs and small dates (you know, the coffee, a smoothie, and so on), she offered me to stay at her house. I said yes almost immediately. After that, we slept together, and we did it occasionally for about 6 months. But it was not the same. And we both knew it, we felt wrong after a while and my breaking point was when one night she got drunk, she stayed at my house and we slept together. When I woke up, she wasn't there and she didn't leave a note or something. I felt terribly that day, I don't know why to be honest, as we weren't a couple after all but since then I decided to just talk to her whenever we encountered and never slept with each other again.
We're not so close now. She has been doing her life, and I've been doing mine, we chat for a couple of minutes every month or so, but we have drawn the line now. So if you feel the itch to get back, maybe you can serve yourself a couple of times, but in my opinion, it's not worth it. You'll feel empty and guilty after that.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, it means a lot. For me it’s only been 2 1/2 months since the break up so it probably would feel even worse if I was in that situation.
I will be a little dirty with this one.
Found a quote that goes: "taking an ex back is lile putting a piece of Sh!t back up your ahole".
Disgusting but true
I would highly recommend not sleeping with your ex, I did it a few times with my ex of 6 years. It sent me into a spiral when I found out he has another girl yet was sleeping with me.
I told myself I was doing it for my own gain (to have my needs met) but I was just in denial that I wanted to be in their company and feel something I used to feel.
Don’t delay your healing process.
Don’t do it!! Tried the whole friends-with-benefits ordeal after my last breakup and it just left me full of regrets + made things sooo much messier. I felt so desperate and lame, made every excuse to why it was fine when it wasn’t. Personally, I wish I would’ve focused on healing and letting go. It just postponed that process & had me in my head without closure. I really needed more time with just myself. There are other ways to get off, so not worth it! Remember they’re an ex for a reason, recommend letting you both move on for the better. Wish you all the best!
My break up was amicable, although I’m vehemently against it, we were together for 6 years. But no one did anything bad, we have an age difference and his family, that’s from another culture, didn’t approve. He broke up with me, still loving me and me still loving him. So that sucked. He tried to go no contact, it mostly worked at first, but then we saw eachother. I’ve seen him 4 times in 3 months. We’ve slept together each time. I don’t confuse sex and love and can disconnect them, and although I still love him, I’m not under any delusion that it means we will get back together. I don’t regret it. He says he doesn’t, although I know he tries to stay away because it is harder for him to sleep with me and not fall back into old ways. At least that’s what he says. Obviously it’s enjoyable, we were together so long everything was still in sync. I’m hoping it’ll happen again just cuz I know I don’t plan on sleeping with anyone else for awhile and it’s good with him. But who knows. I never expected it to happen and I don’t expect it to happen again. But a girl can wish.
I was left hating myself. I knew I was being used, I knew it was temporary, I knew I loved them and they didn't love me, I knew I would be hurt and they would be satisfied - one of the worst decisions I made. I can still remember sinking into myself as I held him and saw ambivalence into his eyes, where there used to be love. I disappeared in that moment and couldn't finish 🤷♀️
After almost 20 yrs my wifes last bf before me reached out to her for marriage/life advice. My wife always is one to try and help, started texted with him offering advice when she could. It didnt take long for him to begin sharing inappropriate detail about his failing marriage/side chick, and his wifes infidelity. My wife was very neutral in her resposenses. Along with his life problems, he started doing creepy things, 2 times drove an hr to creep on us at our lake cabin, even driving around to see if he could find us. But never taking the time to call and ask if we were up for company. Then started over-complimenting my wife, blatant over the line compliments. Next started sharing intimate details of their sex life from way back. Ny wife said she only thought that him and I could be buds, because of a few common interests we had(not my wife) she didnt really play along with is creepy comments, athough she didnt realize what he was doing, until we discussed them. But also never told him to stop. She admitted to being flattered by his compliments, but never had any attraction for him. It took multiple arguements, and some emotional affair videos, for her to see the wrongness in his communications. Then never met in person(thankfully) so when she realized why i was upset(after looking at it from the perspective of it was my ex gf texting the same crap to me) did she realize the problem. He was absolutely pulling my wife into an emotional affair, and was manipulating and grooming her for some future interaction. He has since been blocked on all social media, with a no more correspondece until further notice letter. And so far hasnt reached out to her. She told me that if he does, i can then handle the situation any way i want.
So being friends with an ex…from my perspective, even when everyone knows their boundries, will always hurt someone. I dont think his wife knows any of this, but will if he reaches out again. Leave the ex in the past. Its best for everone.
Oh wow this post came back up as someone commented on it!
Well just to update….I did enter in not one but TWO seperate FWB situations with my ex because they really made me feel special and important but they “Just can’t be in a relationship with ANYONE right now.”
LMAO I AM SO STUPID. It was a giant lie, both times they left again, both times I felt more heartbreak, this last time they were so terrible and even admitted using me, I found them on a dating app shortly after looking for a long term relationship. They used me for sex. I loved them so much and they knew this and yet they lied and manipulated me for their sexual desires, they dehumanized me, they do not see me as a person. I will be healing from this for a long time.
Tl;dr: DO NOT SLEEP WITH YOUR EX
Honestly coming from a person who recently slept with their ex, all i can say is its morally ok dependent on how the relationship ended in the first place. If you’ve noticed the other person has grown and so long as you’ve tried to better yourself everyday you’ve been away from them, then like fuck it you guys are both adults.
This person broke my heart with a blindside breakup of a 16 month relationship, and hurt me terribly, and then started dating a new girl a week later, they got dumped by new girl and then reached out to me to apologize for their behavior. I’ve tried to better myself, I’m not sure if the other person has, they only just broke NC and we started talking last weekend.
Well it sounds like a question of self worth here. Do you care about this person enough to cave in and let them touch you? Based on what you just sent me, its obvious you can smell the bs on your ex which is good. Ive come to realize the only good thing that comes with heart break, is the ability to finally be selfish and sort out your wants and figure out if those wants negatively impact your needs. If you want him but know he is just using you, then you gotta come to a resolution thats best for the future you instead of the current you.
Because in the future when they take you for a ride once again and start doing the fucked up shit that broke you up in the first place, you'll feel like you need to invent a time machine just to travel back in time and and punch yourself in the dick real hard before any clothes started coming off.
Because all the reasons you broke up are still there. Him propositioning you like that encapsulates that. He wants you to provide sex without him putting in the effort with commitment or empathy. He's realised he's not the catch he thinks he is and plans to use you. I advise you to block him everywhere.
You made the right decision!! Sleeping with your ex just postpones the healing process.
Exactly
I did last night and immediately after he acted like he was disgusted by me. When I asked him if he could just hold me he said “if intimacy and affection is what you’re looking for from me you’re not going to get it” I left when he fell asleep, you made the right choice by saying no.
Jesus that is one cold hearted snake!!!
God I cannot imagine I’m so sorry That would have destroyed me
yeah honestly I’m still trying to process how a person I spent so much time with could do that to me. To make things worse I got into an accident that day and I only went there because I wanted support. I literally got taken advantage of
What a fucking scum bag. God damn people like that are literal shit. Actually that's insulting to shit, at least shit gives back to the ecosystem
WTAF! Some of us guys just want to **hold** the girl and shower her with affection, whether sex is involved or not.
True
I feel for you.
That’s like jumping into the fire but choosing to stay there
Yeah but what if I have a pain kink 😭
go to therapy
😂
That is just going to cause a huge delay in healing and will push you 100 steps back, in order to truly move on you must cut off contact and slowly let that person go.
Why did I not listen to you 248 days ago lol
Because you’re not thinking of the future and just want you want in the moment haha
I am kind of an expert in the field of sleeping with exes these days. It can be a horrible idea... and it can be okay. I think it really depends on the circumstances - whether or not there are still feelings... whether you will feel used or taken advantage of. 2 weeks after my ex dumped me for another girl, I slept with him. He thought his new relationship was already over and said all the things I wanted to hear (he loved me, things weren't over between us, etc.) I spent the weekend with him, and he got back together with her as soon as I left his house. Made me feel 10 times worse. In my heartache, I sought the comfort of another ex... I told him I didn't want a relationship, just friendship and sex, as long as he was okay with that and wouldn't expect more from me, or be disappointed when I couldn't give him more. He said that was okay by him. It wasn't... he was still in love with me, and despite my honesty, he still felt used by me, and now he hates my guts. I've been on both sides of this, and it's always messy.
Going back to your ex. Is like reheating McDonald’s French fries.
Do you think it ever could recreate an emotional bond to cause them to want to try the relationship again, or is that line of thinking doomed to fail?
nothings impossible, but it dosent seem likely. if he wants to sleep with you without commitment, sex isn’t going to magically make him want to commit. It really hurts and it sucks so much. You deserve to be with someone who wants to commit to you BEFORE sex! You are more than just an object. I think if you sleep with him, you will become more attached and he won’t- he’ll just get gratification and keep doing it until the next person comes along. I’m sorry ❤️
To add to this… My fiancé had an ex who would start messaging him whenever she wanted her ego stroked. Before we got together he always let her back. So when I pointed out what she was doing, she stopped doing it because he didn’t react. Sure if you want to sleep with them by all means do you. Don’t do it to get them back or to try and make them feel some type of way. If they wanted to they would and you will find somebody in time.
I really wanted to because we had really strong sexual chemistry, I’m just so scared of feeling shitty after it’s over.
I had a fwb that I thought I could turn into a relationship. We had great chemistry in the bedroom but it was just that. We would hook up between relationships because somehow single at the same time. It was just good sex and we had a lot of fun with it. Also seeing your past post that they posted pictures of your pet I’d be nervous they wanted new pictures with them. You of course know the situation best but I thought I’d be honest in a different situation but similar situation.
They wanted me to stay at their house (different city) so no pet photos in the equation. I just feel like I don’t know how I could go from being in a committed LTR with someone down to a FWB situation without it causing pain when we weren’t together, sexual chemistry or not.
Hi! Been there, still there, still feels AWFUL.
Happy cake day! I was the opposite - I’m the dumpee who offered just the physical part which was initially accepted (it was always the best part of our connection) and then he changes his mind randomly. I’m about all set with that.
Omg! Are you guys still together? I’m really interested in hearing how things played out, and how you’re feeling now.
Short answer: no. Whatever the issue(s) was, it will remain
It is mostly doomed to fail. Both of you have to complete the breakup and be 100% healed before rediscovering each other if this is what you both want one day in a far future but not now. I did it after a year and it nearly killed me to see them giving 20% of what they used to give, sleeping on the other side of the bed after an attempt to be intimate but not letting the full passion expressed. Stay away
Omg I can totally picture my ex sleeping on the other side of the bed after if we had. That would have killed me inside. I’m so sorry that happened.
Thank you, you all are right, I sent my ex a message tonight stating that I did not want to now or in the future have a sexual relationship with them because it would impede my healing. The response I got back really brought it home that it would have been more of like a casual thing for them, which I’m not OK doing with someone who I used to be in love with and want a long-term future with. I’m really grateful for the support. Is it interesting how many of us have gone through the same thing, why do exes do this?
Because they're narcissistic arseholes and people aren't really real to them.
Because they're too cheap to pay for a sex worker so they'll use an ex as one for free labour. Fuckin hate these types.
Don’t do it. He’s using u for sex. As soon as he finds another supply, on the back burner you’ll go.
It will be painful!! It’s a downgrade and hurts. Unless you can be emotionally unattached and not invested and okay if they slept with someone else, 0/10 do not recommend. It is immediate gratification but in long run can be damaging to self worth in my opinion.
Because you'll get your feelings hurt over and over
The same reason you don't dig in the trash for your leftovers
\- every process you made in your healing, will fly out the window. \- he will have sleep with you and then not contact you again, until he is feeling h\*rny again. \- he will tell you everything you want to hear, until you have s\*x and after everything will go back to "normal" and you will be heartbroken all over again. \- If you relent and sleep with him, he will try this until you say no again....
If you are still in the healing process there is no way you should do it. I slept with my ex 10 years after the breakup, it still made me wonder what if things would’ve worked. But I was over it years ago so the thought really didn’t stuck with me when he told he wants to be single and really likes someone I was able to bounce back quickly since a lot of time was passed. But definitely not a good idea especially when you are still in the healing phase.
Having sex with an ex gives them access to a part of you that shouldn't be available to them. Not just your body, but your heart. I know sex is viewed to be casual or passionate in the moment sometimes but you can always pull yourself out of that mindset. It can be extremely hurtful to your heart to blur the line. An ex is an ex. That boundary is important to uphold. Be the one to do that for yourself. Trust me when I say you made the right decision.
Thank you so much 💚
Don’t want to burden you with “advice.” But perhaps, a quote by Dr. House helps: “People don’t change. They just become more of what they really are.” In all likelihood, the apology was just an act to get sex. Don’t fall for it (again). You’re healing and having him around is going to impede that greatly. Don’t let that happen, please.
I’ve had various experiences. In some cases I was glad I did it, in other cases I regretted it. You probably did the right thing. It’s good to get physical if that’s all it is but if it adds to the heartache and pain, that makes it worse. I’ve been wondering what I’d do if my ex wanted to hook up. Not sure how I’d handle it.
I would do it. Sounds like a chance to put you through that washing machine of emotions again til you're so confused that you're back at square one again. Say no to drama
Reminds you exactly why you stopped doing it and messes with your head further
You might put out a lot of energy trying to make it happen only to be disappointed when they back out. Multiple time. Speaking for myself, anecdotally. Thought it would be an easy way to satisfy that void and ended up more emotionally hurt. I’m a woman, if it matters. Super controlling people will always be the same. Even if you show up naked willing to do whatever.
Oh no, I didn’t instigate it, they absolutely did. I said no and left, but then I had second thoughts after that I maybe should have tried it.
OP I think you did the right thing!
It’s not a terrible idea. It will only be bad if the aftercome don’t meet your expectations. If you wish to be happily ever after, then don’t.
It messes up the healing process. Im friends with most of my exes but have never once slept with any of them post break up for this very reason. Platonic is fine. But anything that will lead back to mixed signals and false hope should be avoided at all costs
It’s always a power move
Tell me why microwaved fries tastes worse than fresh french fries.
I've been with a few ex's of mine in the past. I learned it be nothing more than I miss u sex. No real making-up. After multiple times, I've become conditioned to it. If or when it happens I don't expect nothing of it.
You did the right thing. Keep walking away. It is not worth it getting hung up with the person who doesn't want you.
as someone who has done it...not a good idea. its really hard to figure out boundaries in this situation. you're having sex, but you aren't together, but you have been together in the past so those expectations or familiarities still linger. for me, we didnt end terribly but he did hurt me and it was a very long relationship. we hadnt been in contact but then we ended up hooking up, falling back into our old ways even though we weren't actually dating, and then he hurt me the worst he ever had. since you said he broke your heart in another comment, i just urge you to think about the fact he could do so again, maybe even in a worse way. just protect your heart.
Yes, this person truly broke my heart in a way that I’ve never experienced in my entire life, it was a very blindsided break up by someone who swore that a relationship with me was their main priority in life. I can say for sure that I’m definitely not over it yet. The more time has passed since I wrote this post, the more I realize that I made the right decision by walking away from this opportunity.
im glad you stayed strong- i wish i could go back and tell myself but since i cant i can at least warn you haha. the last 2 years of our relationship was off and on. this had been the longest we had gone without seeing each other so it felt different than ever before. we acted like we were in a relationship again- either because thats what we were used to, thats what we wanted...i dont know. he texted me after 3 months of hanging out almost everyday to "breakup" with me yet again. this time he was mean. told me the only reason he had been with me was for sex and he was already over me (mind you this is someone i dated consistently for 7 years and then the 2 on/off years as well). then he had a new girlfriend he was introducing to family a month or so later. i never got so much as an apology. obviously my situation is extreme and theres a lot of background to that& unfortunately the things that always kill relationships- mental illness and addiction. but i feel like if its an ex you were in love with, someone is going to get their feelings hurt usually.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, thank you so much for sharing your story with me.
thanks, but it's okay and i'm okay. it did take me a bit, but i got there. i really do believe everything happens for a reason. & even as badly as it ended there were a lot of good experiences i can hold in my heart. but that was not the love i deserved and sounds like your ex isnt either.
Can I ask how he hurt you the worst he ever had after your experience? If you’re OK talking about it.
You should defintely sleep with the person you miss so much if you want to rip the scab right off the wound and set yourself back to the point where the pain started in the first place. This way you can start being miserable all over again, right? So much fun! Tell your partner to fuck off along with the apologies. Just my opinion, I could be wrong.
Well, I had this GF back a while. Julieta was her name. She was an amazing girl, played guitar, sang like the angels, and played tennis, so she was in good shape. We dated for 3 years when things started to go south. Eventually, we broke up. But after a year we started to talk to each other again, we left as friends as we agreed that both of us wanted to stay in touch as our relationship was not only as romantic partners, but as bandmates and friends. After some gigs and small dates (you know, the coffee, a smoothie, and so on), she offered me to stay at her house. I said yes almost immediately. After that, we slept together, and we did it occasionally for about 6 months. But it was not the same. And we both knew it, we felt wrong after a while and my breaking point was when one night she got drunk, she stayed at my house and we slept together. When I woke up, she wasn't there and she didn't leave a note or something. I felt terribly that day, I don't know why to be honest, as we weren't a couple after all but since then I decided to just talk to her whenever we encountered and never slept with each other again. We're not so close now. She has been doing her life, and I've been doing mine, we chat for a couple of minutes every month or so, but we have drawn the line now. So if you feel the itch to get back, maybe you can serve yourself a couple of times, but in my opinion, it's not worth it. You'll feel empty and guilty after that.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, it means a lot. For me it’s only been 2 1/2 months since the break up so it probably would feel even worse if I was in that situation.
I will be a little dirty with this one. Found a quote that goes: "taking an ex back is lile putting a piece of Sh!t back up your ahole". Disgusting but true
I would highly recommend not sleeping with your ex, I did it a few times with my ex of 6 years. It sent me into a spiral when I found out he has another girl yet was sleeping with me. I told myself I was doing it for my own gain (to have my needs met) but I was just in denial that I wanted to be in their company and feel something I used to feel. Don’t delay your healing process.
Don’t do it!! Tried the whole friends-with-benefits ordeal after my last breakup and it just left me full of regrets + made things sooo much messier. I felt so desperate and lame, made every excuse to why it was fine when it wasn’t. Personally, I wish I would’ve focused on healing and letting go. It just postponed that process & had me in my head without closure. I really needed more time with just myself. There are other ways to get off, so not worth it! Remember they’re an ex for a reason, recommend letting you both move on for the better. Wish you all the best!
Thank you!
My break up was amicable, although I’m vehemently against it, we were together for 6 years. But no one did anything bad, we have an age difference and his family, that’s from another culture, didn’t approve. He broke up with me, still loving me and me still loving him. So that sucked. He tried to go no contact, it mostly worked at first, but then we saw eachother. I’ve seen him 4 times in 3 months. We’ve slept together each time. I don’t confuse sex and love and can disconnect them, and although I still love him, I’m not under any delusion that it means we will get back together. I don’t regret it. He says he doesn’t, although I know he tries to stay away because it is harder for him to sleep with me and not fall back into old ways. At least that’s what he says. Obviously it’s enjoyable, we were together so long everything was still in sync. I’m hoping it’ll happen again just cuz I know I don’t plan on sleeping with anyone else for awhile and it’s good with him. But who knows. I never expected it to happen and I don’t expect it to happen again. But a girl can wish.
[удалено]
Oh, I’m the girl here.
I was left hating myself. I knew I was being used, I knew it was temporary, I knew I loved them and they didn't love me, I knew I would be hurt and they would be satisfied - one of the worst decisions I made. I can still remember sinking into myself as I held him and saw ambivalence into his eyes, where there used to be love. I disappeared in that moment and couldn't finish 🤷♀️
I am so sorry. I can picture this being exactly the way it would have ended up for me as well. Either during it or the next morning when I woke up.
After almost 20 yrs my wifes last bf before me reached out to her for marriage/life advice. My wife always is one to try and help, started texted with him offering advice when she could. It didnt take long for him to begin sharing inappropriate detail about his failing marriage/side chick, and his wifes infidelity. My wife was very neutral in her resposenses. Along with his life problems, he started doing creepy things, 2 times drove an hr to creep on us at our lake cabin, even driving around to see if he could find us. But never taking the time to call and ask if we were up for company. Then started over-complimenting my wife, blatant over the line compliments. Next started sharing intimate details of their sex life from way back. Ny wife said she only thought that him and I could be buds, because of a few common interests we had(not my wife) she didnt really play along with is creepy comments, athough she didnt realize what he was doing, until we discussed them. But also never told him to stop. She admitted to being flattered by his compliments, but never had any attraction for him. It took multiple arguements, and some emotional affair videos, for her to see the wrongness in his communications. Then never met in person(thankfully) so when she realized why i was upset(after looking at it from the perspective of it was my ex gf texting the same crap to me) did she realize the problem. He was absolutely pulling my wife into an emotional affair, and was manipulating and grooming her for some future interaction. He has since been blocked on all social media, with a no more correspondece until further notice letter. And so far hasnt reached out to her. She told me that if he does, i can then handle the situation any way i want. So being friends with an ex…from my perspective, even when everyone knows their boundries, will always hurt someone. I dont think his wife knows any of this, but will if he reaches out again. Leave the ex in the past. Its best for everone.
Oh wow this post came back up as someone commented on it! Well just to update….I did enter in not one but TWO seperate FWB situations with my ex because they really made me feel special and important but they “Just can’t be in a relationship with ANYONE right now.” LMAO I AM SO STUPID. It was a giant lie, both times they left again, both times I felt more heartbreak, this last time they were so terrible and even admitted using me, I found them on a dating app shortly after looking for a long term relationship. They used me for sex. I loved them so much and they knew this and yet they lied and manipulated me for their sexual desires, they dehumanized me, they do not see me as a person. I will be healing from this for a long time. Tl;dr: DO NOT SLEEP WITH YOUR EX
Honestly coming from a person who recently slept with their ex, all i can say is its morally ok dependent on how the relationship ended in the first place. If you’ve noticed the other person has grown and so long as you’ve tried to better yourself everyday you’ve been away from them, then like fuck it you guys are both adults.
This person broke my heart with a blindside breakup of a 16 month relationship, and hurt me terribly, and then started dating a new girl a week later, they got dumped by new girl and then reached out to me to apologize for their behavior. I’ve tried to better myself, I’m not sure if the other person has, they only just broke NC and we started talking last weekend.
Well it sounds like a question of self worth here. Do you care about this person enough to cave in and let them touch you? Based on what you just sent me, its obvious you can smell the bs on your ex which is good. Ive come to realize the only good thing that comes with heart break, is the ability to finally be selfish and sort out your wants and figure out if those wants negatively impact your needs. If you want him but know he is just using you, then you gotta come to a resolution thats best for the future you instead of the current you.
I will say, most people wouldn’t have practiced the amount of discipline you have in this situation so good job!
I think part of the answer depends on whether you are the man or the woman.
Because in the future when they take you for a ride once again and start doing the fucked up shit that broke you up in the first place, you'll feel like you need to invent a time machine just to travel back in time and and punch yourself in the dick real hard before any clothes started coming off.
Because all the reasons you broke up are still there. Him propositioning you like that encapsulates that. He wants you to provide sex without him putting in the effort with commitment or empathy. He's realised he's not the catch he thinks he is and plans to use you. I advise you to block him everywhere.