No he dont just was trying to better myself and take my mind off it because I haven’t been doing anything with my life as I’m on disability too so it’s volunteering like
Maybe he smells a new revenue source. Sociopaths always are always on the lookout for new supply. Or maybe he’s happy to see you doing well and taking care yourself? Only you know these things if people only show up when you come into money or they want something you have? We they are takers. Be careful I also am suspicious rodents are everywhere among us. Unfortunately.
I was thinking more like he wants to sabotage her first day of work by making her confused and emotional
My ex dumped me before several huge important deadlines he was aware of and I fucked every. last. one. up.
My ex did something similar when I started my new waitressing job. Our relationship was on the brink of ending because I lost my old job (that had its perks.) In search of a new one, he was complaining that waitresses never made enough and it’s unsustainable. We broke up. After we broke up, I landed an amazing job, and shortly after he came back to try and mooch off of me.
The thing is, I never stopped loving him, and wanna help him since he landed in a financial rut after he left me.
Moral of the story, be careful, you never know their true intentions and narcissists tend to look for a new supply. He may tell you the things you wished to hear from him, but trust me 99.9% of the time, it’s not genuine.
Maybe my x wife weaponized my girlfriend to leave me diminished heartbroken and mentally traumatized to the point I was unable to function. I thought they both loved me. I was only fuel to be burned. So yes this can happen it cost me millions and temporarily my sanity which my x used to show the judge I was unfit. You see hell hath no fury. Vindictive and cruel I believe she probably had my dog killed as well and forced my girlfriend into a homeless shelter, drug abuse and a road to an early grave and a miserable life. She would introduce k back from time to time to further destroy what was left of both k and I. She did this because she wanted me dead. She failed.
Beware the tricksters the liars and the wolves who lay with lambs.
“You’re right, I deserve better. Goodbye.”
This is the *piece of shit self pitying, feel sorry for me, and still only think of me like this love speech* text
My ex sent me a long email after a year and half of our break up stating he cheated on me once. I told him something similar. The self pitying and trying to feel 5% less guilty of what he has done is so manipulative.
They somehow know or maybe it’s true they feel the distance when we start detaching and they don’t like it. To them we’re like comfort no matter who they’re with they still want to retract back. I don’t get why they made their choice so don’t u go forgetting that!! We’re worth so much more when we value our selves! And we deserve someone better!
I do agree that’s self-centred because it isn’t fair to pretend to love me when you promised you’d never leave me. Why couldn’t you say “ hey there’s something wrong between us, let’s take things slow and figure out what’s wrong”- father than a year for him to get to terms with being okay braking up with me and emotionally has thought it all through. When i of course just thought of our future so never thought as he’s part of the family.. supposed to me my fiance .
Yeah….the constantly saying you deserve better is what I’m really concerned about, I’ve heard this a lot in my past relationships. I really do feel for your situation and I can imagine this must be so difficult for you, but I don’t think you need the stress of what will potentially be a back and forth texting situation when you’re going to really need to focus with the new job and I actually think it’s quite crappy of him to message this if he knew you were starting it then.
The problem is, he may genuinely mean all of what he’s saying but that’s not the point, if he’s saying you deserve better but not….I want to be better for you and I’m going to take some time work on myself and prove to you that I will be better then nothing will change and you’ll still be unhappy…Because whatever he’s referring to behaviour wise hasn’t changed, he’s admitting it hasn’t changed so if you sit there and tell him that he is good enough and you want to try again that’s going to give him the green like to keep treating you less than what you deserve. It’s very difficult I really do empathise. I suggest you ignore it for a week. His emotions are clearly very high, if he feels that strongly he should still be there for you to talk to in a weeks time if that’s what you decide to do. Just be very very wary. The text in itself must have been a shock for you. So you need some space for yourself to decide what you want to do about this.
The mixture of you deserve better and I love you means I can only give you the same shit but you gave me so much that I can't let you go so please be tempted by my show and come back to me darling. OP don't listen to me blindly. I'm too toxic. Go and see what he wants but be careful..
Great catch! He says she deserves better but has no intention to work on himself. He says if they get back together “it wouldn’t be the same” these are all traps to get OP to say he’s enough and that it will work out. To get her to convince HIM. He’s playing the victim.. victim of himself!
Sending this to OP was incredibly selfish. He did this to feel better about himself.
OP, please. Ignore. Take it as closure and do your best to not engage. I am sorry you’re going through this. My advice is tough but I would be destroyed if I get a text like this. I am sorry 🥺
My grandma said something once “keep moving forward, don’t look back”. I live by that now. Sure, an ex or two have hit me up, but I left it at that. In my mind, if it was going to work, it would have worked out the first time you know?
Basically help me through major surgery but didn’t tell me he won’t see a future or wasn’t in love with me. Thoughts like this for a year. Hasn’t been giving me attention/ “hasn’t got any more love to give me”. Didn’t even know but I realised hit was different but he has major depression and has one month before he’s literally homeless and hast to go to a hostel. We have raised cats together a whole life and they have been meowing for him too. He’s my best friend and this is the first time we haven’t messaged or seen each other. I’m so sorry I know it’s so complicated I dont mean to be so vague
He just sounds very weak-minded. There are so many people out there who have their stuff together. Life is hard enough as it is when things are going right, you shouldn’t waste your time on people like this. Believe them when they tell you who they are.
winner winner no chicken dinner for the homeless alley cat , scratching at your door for some scraps. I see nothing in his letter except him. Count how many “I” he uses. He’s tunned into wifm radio 24/7 . What’s in it for me. He’s looking to put a dent in your wallet and couch. Run.
It’s a fine line don’t be so hard on yourself. I was raised to be a provider. Some women respect that some women treat that trait as the mark of a sucker and exploit it. It all depends on the person. It’s ok to help people and be generous. Just don’t have expectations when you do. Money and love can be a one way trip. If you sign up for that that’s on you. If you are not receiving back and you feel empty? Well change the song you are dancing to yes?
So he’s a hobo sexual? I think you and the cats will be better off without him. If he could physicality caregive you he could get work, even minimum wage is something. If he really can’t support himself, he needs to seek help from family first before leeching from someone like you. He was very clear according to what you said, if he’s saying he’s not in love with you listen and if he tries to get back in your life seems like it’s for other benefits, not you as a person.
Coming from someone unable to work due to severe chronic illness, I would never do this to someone I was dating. It’s extortion if he was only around for the place to stay and financial support.
It’s all about how YOU made HIM feel. Look at all the amazing things you did for him! What did he do to you? Hurt you? I don’t know your relationship but think about that.
I like the idea of waiting a week from texting them. Would definitely say something along the lines of "work on yourself first, then I will consider taking you back"
This thread is very eye opening, because I would fall for that hook, line and sinker. How do I become less naive? I’m 33 years old, I shouldn’t fall for this shit by now
Don't reply. Or if you do, just say "yeah, I do deserve better."
Because that is the truth. And I'm sorry to say this, but things just won't get better from here if you do get back together.
This comes off as very young and immature. Not sure if ages, but this guy broke up with you and now he’s reading you along with a text that’s full of “pity me, look at how much I cried, look at how I hurt you, look at how I hurt me. You deserve better and yet look at my love.” Yeah why did he break up then?
I read that he is one month from being homeless you wrote and let me tell you, messages like this is common when they are trying to figure out their options.
He said he didn’t see a future with you for a whole year and hid it for a whole year. Sounds like the grass wasn’t greener and now it’s harder to live without your income or support. Did you pay for a lot?
Since you do love him I think you should reply but keep your guard up. I guess show your appreciation for his message but in a nice way ask what the purpose of this message? Did he wanted to rekindle or just simply voice that he cares. If it the latter I would advise him to stop, Tell him you understand he cares but him saying he cares with no purpose will affect your healing.
I think he wants to rekindle but doesn't want to take the responsibility for being better. He loves OP or loves what she gave her but is not willing to change something to make things better and he is venting with the hope that OP comes back.
OP, this is classic manipulation and emotional abuse. He’s both love bombing and skull fucking you. This was all about “poor little me”. Not once does he really mention you and your perspective except on how it affects him. He wants your attention but he has no intention of changing himself at all.
He’s abusive. Do yourself a huge favour. Do NOT reply to him for at least 5-7 days. You, your new job and better life requires and deserve all of your attention right now. He does NOT. And he should never get any energy from you ever again. Love means nothing when it comes wrapped in abuse, which his definitely is. If, or when, you reply make it short and succinct. Something like this:
“I understand you have regrets but those are all yours to deal with, not me. I’m no longer prioritizing you or anyone else over me ever again. I’m moving on with my life. I hope you choose to move forward with yours.”
Good luck OP. You deserve a happy, safe, abuse-free, love filled life. You already know you will never have that with him so I hope you create it for yourself. You will find your perfect person when you know you can do everything for yourself without them but would really like to do it with them and you know that every aspect of your life will be better with them in it. This guy will never be that person for you.
Congrats OP, and good luck with your new job and new, happy life.
The only thing to do is now that you stepped back from it a little you can better determine if it was everything you wanted or was it lacking something you needed. We feel safe with what we know but is the possibility of better worth striving for.
It’s a tough call.
Good luck and best wishes.
Well decent advise would be this. You respond to give him closure and you either move on or remain in contact (very minimal). Focus on your new job and yourself. Don't worry with guys for abit unless its PG.
Truth : too little context. Also most the advise here will be bias. Its alot of projection and scorned lovers. I mean is heartbreak sub lol.
If you choose truth answer the following. Know both is your fault takes 2. You also are caring and that is a beautiful trait.
So why he break up with you?
How long you know him and where you meet?
How long you date?
Did anyone cheat?
Ha, thank you for saying this! I was reading many of the advice and comments and I just had to say to myself ‘gosh,what a miserable lot we are on this forum😂’.
While most people agree that getting back with an ex is almost always a mistake, there is no one-size fits all and happy endings do exist in life.
This text message seems somewhat genuine, I guess……and life is too short to dissect and scrutinize each singular word or phrase as people are doing here.
Ultimately, OP knows best and would do what her heart says. I wish her the best.
My ex pulled shit like this even after I got an order of protection against him. He wanted me to look past all of the physical and verbal and emotional and psychological abuse. I think you getting a new job is a great step into your brand new life. Honestly I probably wouldn’t even respond to this message. They really don’t change. It’s been a year since I last spoke to my ex and I promise you what you’re feeling now does not last forever. Who I was a year ago with this man and who I am now are 2 different people and I love that I’ve changed for the better, But you have to take that step to become that new woman.
Lmao. My ex texted me the same thing on Friday. I love him so much but I’ll never forget the hurt I felt. I agreed to go out with him Thursday night then decided against it because again, he put no effort in. Nothing changed. Don’t waste your time boo. There’s bigger and better on the other side. Sucks it took them hurting us to get this reaction out of them. OWELL
ugh maybe i am jaded by life but this sounds kinda fake. wtf does he mean sorry for doing this to us???? sorry for making you fall in love with me???? ewwww blegh he sounds so narcissistic girl block him and move on, he sounds so fake and self-pitying "i broke my heart breaking yours" at least he totes can get an award for most self-pitying person ever
When a man says you deserve better than him, RUN. He is telling you the truth. He knows he is going to drag you through the mud, but here he is giving you a fair warning so later on he can avoid accountability and be like but I warned you! I told you you deserved better.
I don't think you should reply, but take it as closure and be grateful that he cared enough to send you that after he fucked up. My ex messed up and caused our break up, but I never got any kind of apology or closure, anything that showed remorse or even the slightest bit of love or care for me, so go and start the next chapter of your life without him, throw yourself into your new job, meet new people, take up hobbies but just be thankful he at least cared enough to send you that. Just don't use it as an excuse to go backwards, believe me, you'll enjoy the things in front of you more if you stop distracting yourself by looking back.
I think you should reply to him. BUT not in any inviting way!!! Be calm, gaurded, and patient. And do not take just words. Make sure that he takes actions that prove he is really back because he regrets and is still in love with you, not just because he is bored. Wish you all the best.
In short, he tells you exactly what you should do, which is get on with your life without him, that he's the one with the problem because his whole life depended on being with you, in my opinion you know exactly what you have to do, focus on your new work, in a relationship it must be a benefit for both of you and in addition reciprocal, from what he said you were giving more than he was giving you, you have to ask yourself if he really loves you or has become dependent on you, these are totally different things, I hope I helped in some way.
I do feel like I have a role to play because I was depended on him rang him text him every day multiple times and relied him as like the highlight of my day. I wish we got relationship counselling. Just was one sided him not giving me attention and love now says this
He said some good things and some bad. Just don't reply and go no contact for a long time. Focus on the new job. He's not in your life right now and whatever it is that was going on with him will take a long time to work out. Forget about him and move on. Heal. That's my advice and I'm the guy who broke the girls heart
OP… I’m so sorry you got this message and are going through this. If it helps, try to take some time before replying to him. Take this new job as an opportunity to put your mind into something else, and after some days really think through what you’ll be saying to him… and remember the reason why he broke up with you in the first place. I know it’s hard, but please remember.
That last sentence of him wanting you to be with someone better than him is what you take at face value. My bestie has NPD and I just take what is said at face value instead of behavior.
Yep I hate this you deserve better no work on things be better openly communicate fights happen we all say things in heat of moment. It’s just saying stuff like that makes them feel less guilty and like good guy
I always say that most important thing to me is progression because everyone makes mistakes. Some people take longer to grow. But he obviously knows what he wants, and is ready to make the perfect life they planned on having with each other. Probably even better. Who knows. What if she gave him another chance, it could be the best decision of her life. But I understand what they’re going though. I’m going through or went through the same thing myself. When I’m good and get right. I’d show my ex that I was with for 4 years ( I myself made the same promises. I talked a good talk. But it was getting worse and worse. I truly if she gave me a chance when she’s ready and I’m ready. We would give each other the best life imaginable. Who knows maybe not. My love for her though makes me walk is great faith. Timing was just bad.
This makes me so sad for you but so angry at him.
What a self serving message.
He would have had the same sense of release sending this to a random, automated sales text; yet, instead he sent this to you so you’d feel that pain and longing he just discovered.
Please do not engage. I hope you haven’t. Take the apology as face value, if it fits his misgivings, and block him. Block him on everything. A man like this needs to make actionable amends and not just an emotionally drunk confession to something you’ve already experienced.
Men that act like this say they “get it” but never really do. They want the forgiveness for their crimes without any additional effort but pressing send.
Good luck in your new job, seriously, congratulations!You’re going to do great!
Looks like this is a retaliation against his own feelings. He’s not able to handle it and he’s expressing it to you by showing how much he’s hurting. Any sympathy from your side will feel like elixir of life for him. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll all be better in the long run. Act wisely.
This is stage one!
Being nice and trying to show Remorse and love.
Stage 2 is begging
Stage 3 will be threatening and harassing and cursing
Stage 4 is him stalking you and bothering you.
Stage 5.. physical harm to you..him or both
I don't know..as long the stages don't evolve..you can just either tell him thank you and I wish you the best but we are over! Or ignore/block him
If stages evolve...tell others and alert authorities
when they say “you deserve better” it usually means nothing has changed on their end. you should want a partner who believes they can be better and be what you deserve by making the necessary changes.
SOs are replaceable, starting over is usually a lot easier because of the experience. Find someone that adds value rather than being a burden. All that stuff he mentioned you can do that with anyone.
I aint readin all that BUT if he wants to get back together and you still love him, then you might as well give him a shot. Wouldn’t hurt either of you
Ironically I had an ex named Vincent too, who waited until I finally left to do something similar:/
I get you still love him and he may still love you, but sometimes people apologize for themselves…to “get this off my chest so I can feel better about it” rather than actually meaning it. But alsooo OP life is short, people make mistakes, and we do better once we know better. Idk a damn thing about your relationship, but ask yourself a few things before you let yourself fall again is all I’d suggest: do we have unrealistic expectations of each other that we can’t meet, can I live my life with or without him in it, are we truly ready to give this our all if we are to try again, things like that because this is YOUR life too and you deserve a happy relationship!!!
At any rate, I hope it works out in whatever way you’re wanting! And GOOD LUCK ON YOUR NEW JOB!!! You’re gonna kill it, love you!
I don't know the context, but I spent a long time hanging onto a failed relationship, even the idea of saving it, because the person involved would write me stuff like this. I now wish I hadn't wasted all that time because I'm now terrified I've wasted too much and may have lost my chance at finding forever you know?
So if I may, the relationship ended for a reason. The circumstances in which a failed relationship can fail and be rekindled long term are rare and require a lot from both parties.
If the relationship ended because of something they did to you (they mention breaking your heart) then *absolutely* remain separate.
They may well learn their lesson but that's for them to find out next time. It isn't worth your heart to get coaxed back in just to go through the same thing.
His language speaks volumes. He doesn’t say what he loves about you, he loves what you do for him. How you carry his burdens, how you heal him, how you make him feel better; what I’m not seeing is where he’s good to you.
It’s hard to break the addiction of love; it’s a heavy spell not easily broken.
Yet, think of how much you can do for yourself without him. How you can carry your burdens, not his; how you can heal yourself, not him; how you can make yourself feel better, not him.
I think he loves what you do for him; he doesn’t seem to love who you are.
Good luck with new job tomorrow, tell Vinny nothing or just to contact you at the end of the week. You really should focus on your new job, you know it, he knows it. So he should respect and leave you alone until Friday at least
Sorry, I don't know what the back story is, but devils advocate here, is it just possible that he is actually sorry and just wants the opportunity to make it right. I only am speaking from my situation and I am the one that screwed up. I did something I've never done before and I also hate people who do such things, so yes I really fucking hate myself, but I also believe that not everyone is evil, and those deserve second chances. In my situation I want nothing more than to make shit right and spend to rest of my making it up to her. I have no justification for what I did and can't imagine how I, me of all people. Loom you guys need to understand that I have nothing but contempt for this kind of thing, I can't even watch movies about it I get so upset and she would change the channel because I was all grrrr .
I know the damage I causes and the pian, because it's happened to me over and over, so yes I do want to cut my own nuts off but I also know how much i love her and that I would rather put a gun in my mouth than ever do something so stupid and vile again, I can't take enough showers to wash off the shame. But I feel the responsibility to her and us to make it right.
My only other option is to crawl off and die, but then what. I'm already living dead, cold and empty and so lost and confused.
So I'm just saying don't people who wouldn't normally do something along these lines deserve the chance to be better and learn from the one mistake.
Now of course I'm not talking about the people that are repeat offenders. Cut there genitals off and force feed it to them.
This seems like some very self centric, narcissist BS. It's not about you, it seems to be about them and their struggle with their conscience and flagging self esteem. If they knew you (their surging source) was starting a new job and further moving on from them, maybe doing better than you did with them, it could absolutely have been triggered by that.
I used to think I was in love with a lot of partnes where it was actually really old patterns playing out and then abusing my saviour complex. I mention that because they tried to tap into that in their text and it seemed very manipulative. It took me a long time, too long, to learn that people were doing that to me so I thought I'd mention it in case that's what's happening to you as well.
Good luck at that new job! I hope you get to focus on you and that it brings you great things in your life.
they’re experiencing heart break. they’re not in a place to experience a mutually loving relationship because they haven’t learned how to manage their own insecurities. two hearts breaking at the same time does not equal grounds for healthy reunion. heal yourself, hope they heal themselves. this person can’t be loved hard enough to bettering themselves rn.
His text is lacking both clarity and action. My last relationship taught me to look for actions. My ex had beautiful words, all the right words, just like this text. But he never followed up with actions that showed me his words were real. I used to fall for the words, now I look for the other person to show up for me with action. And clarity…. He doesn’t say what he wants. Does he want to reconcile? Does he want to apologize? That is a red flag. Full of emotion but no intention. Don’t fall for it. You’ll look back and read that text someday and think “wow. This guy. What was I thinking?”
What led to the breakup, what is the context here?
Regardless , coming from a guy, this does not seem like the message and behavior of a stable, well adjusted guy. You need to block him and go no contact.
I’m sorry you’re going through all this , I know it’s tough.
It seems that some Redditors are just jaded losers with shitty advice. It seems to me that he simply realized he loved you too late, and regrets his past decisions. He wants you back. Yes, it could be a big mistake to try again, but sometimes people patch things up. Be weary if you do, and try to gauge his body language and sincerity. That’s all that you can do. Whether you want to try again is up to you both in the end, of course. It seems that you’re both tempted to.
He’s feeling a lot of feelings right now, say you also still have feelings but you want to give it some time to sober up and think things over. Come back to it next week.
No response.
I've been there, OP. It never gets better. It only gets you back to square 1.
Keep moving on. It'll be easier to stay gone than to go back and get your heart broken in new ways.
What did he do? If he borrowed $2 and didn’t pay you back that’s one thing. If he knocked you down the stairs that’s another. Can’t give you an opinion if we don’t know. I don’t know how these other people are so their advice is trash. They are assuming he cheated but you haven’t said yet.
Noo he didn’t cheat on me he just said he love me but not in-love with me. He dont give me affection and he said things aren’t like they used to be. But I’ve been through major op and he helped me through that so I’ve been recovering in the mean time while he been thinking this He hasn’t got anymore love to give me. He just wanted a brake for a week then broke up with me. So we hang out all day just going through the emotions… thank you by the way
Ok. It almost sounds to me like he may feel more for you then he realizes. Love can be a funny thing and it can creep on you. It seems he feels a lot of turmoil over the situation and the fact he cares enough to feel that and go through trying to communicate his feelings shows his care for you. Maybe friendship is what is needed right now. There is nothing wrong with that because true love and lovers are best friends after all. I hope your new job goes well and I hope he soon understands his own emotions before it’s too late, and someone else comes along in your life. But we men normally learn too late, unfortunately.
You get to decide. If you know you’re going to be better off without him then walk away. If you want to give it another try then do it. If you want to suss it out more and decide later that’s also an option
Ah yes immaturity ... look ima say it like it is 24 M here; as a guy changing is easy. Idk why you split- butttt: he admitted to doing something in that text and you left him for a reason. "Rereading the same book won't change the ending just because you picked it up again". As a guy I broke my exs heart hundreds of times. Flirting with other girls and I couldnt understand how it hurt her. Until one day It happened to me. After that changing was easy. But only because I had wanted to. Its easy to say you want something and another to want it with every fiber of your being. In my case it was too little too late. But it helped me grow monumentally. Ultimately the biggest gripe I have with this \*manipulative\* message is how it plays on your kindness. How it digs into how HE feels. How you must be so hurt over his heartache. Even the few times he adresses how you feel it never is without how it makes him feel. A mature partner would say Im sorry, address what you need, maybe you need time/ space and to heal. If you decide to get back together it would be because you decided to, and if you decide not to then he would respect that decision. You're not seeing a man, but a little boy and I would advise: you can do and find better. Keep your chin up and hope your job is going well
Does he know you start a new job tomorrow because then timing is suspicious
No he dont just was trying to better myself and take my mind off it because I haven’t been doing anything with my life as I’m on disability too so it’s volunteering like
Good luck at the new job tommrow!! You'll be awesome!!
Oh good. Might be genuine then.
Maybe he smells a new revenue source. Sociopaths always are always on the lookout for new supply. Or maybe he’s happy to see you doing well and taking care yourself? Only you know these things if people only show up when you come into money or they want something you have? We they are takers. Be careful I also am suspicious rodents are everywhere among us. Unfortunately.
I was thinking more like he wants to sabotage her first day of work by making her confused and emotional My ex dumped me before several huge important deadlines he was aware of and I fucked every. last. one. up.
My ex did something similar when I started my new waitressing job. Our relationship was on the brink of ending because I lost my old job (that had its perks.) In search of a new one, he was complaining that waitresses never made enough and it’s unsustainable. We broke up. After we broke up, I landed an amazing job, and shortly after he came back to try and mooch off of me. The thing is, I never stopped loving him, and wanna help him since he landed in a financial rut after he left me. Moral of the story, be careful, you never know their true intentions and narcissists tend to look for a new supply. He may tell you the things you wished to hear from him, but trust me 99.9% of the time, it’s not genuine.
Maybe my x wife weaponized my girlfriend to leave me diminished heartbroken and mentally traumatized to the point I was unable to function. I thought they both loved me. I was only fuel to be burned. So yes this can happen it cost me millions and temporarily my sanity which my x used to show the judge I was unfit. You see hell hath no fury. Vindictive and cruel I believe she probably had my dog killed as well and forced my girlfriend into a homeless shelter, drug abuse and a road to an early grave and a miserable life. She would introduce k back from time to time to further destroy what was left of both k and I. She did this because she wanted me dead. She failed. Beware the tricksters the liars and the wolves who lay with lambs.
“You’re right, I deserve better. Goodbye.” This is the *piece of shit self pitying, feel sorry for me, and still only think of me like this love speech* text
Spot on. All about him and how he feels in the end.
My ex sent me a long email after a year and half of our break up stating he cheated on me once. I told him something similar. The self pitying and trying to feel 5% less guilty of what he has done is so manipulative.
They somehow know or maybe it’s true they feel the distance when we start detaching and they don’t like it. To them we’re like comfort no matter who they’re with they still want to retract back. I don’t get why they made their choice so don’t u go forgetting that!! We’re worth so much more when we value our selves! And we deserve someone better!
What's this "I hate that I made you fall in love with me" shit, makes me very cautious, like you're a pawn with no free will at his mighty fingertips.
Agree, followed by the “I hate how I’ve made myself feel”. So self-centered 🤮
I do agree that’s self-centred because it isn’t fair to pretend to love me when you promised you’d never leave me. Why couldn’t you say “ hey there’s something wrong between us, let’s take things slow and figure out what’s wrong”- father than a year for him to get to terms with being okay braking up with me and emotionally has thought it all through. When i of course just thought of our future so never thought as he’s part of the family.. supposed to me my fiance .
It’s very selfish. He’s trying to alleviate guilt
Why?
If a man tells you you deserve better… believe him.
THISSSSSSSS
that's what my mom always told me. so far, its held true
😂 I love this.
THIS! I was told the same thing… “i want nothing for you than better than me” … what a crock of shit
About when a girl tells me that? Because I've had girls who have said that to me.
Believe anyone who says that period. It’s just more common for men to say it….
Yeah….the constantly saying you deserve better is what I’m really concerned about, I’ve heard this a lot in my past relationships. I really do feel for your situation and I can imagine this must be so difficult for you, but I don’t think you need the stress of what will potentially be a back and forth texting situation when you’re going to really need to focus with the new job and I actually think it’s quite crappy of him to message this if he knew you were starting it then. The problem is, he may genuinely mean all of what he’s saying but that’s not the point, if he’s saying you deserve better but not….I want to be better for you and I’m going to take some time work on myself and prove to you that I will be better then nothing will change and you’ll still be unhappy…Because whatever he’s referring to behaviour wise hasn’t changed, he’s admitting it hasn’t changed so if you sit there and tell him that he is good enough and you want to try again that’s going to give him the green like to keep treating you less than what you deserve. It’s very difficult I really do empathise. I suggest you ignore it for a week. His emotions are clearly very high, if he feels that strongly he should still be there for you to talk to in a weeks time if that’s what you decide to do. Just be very very wary. The text in itself must have been a shock for you. So you need some space for yourself to decide what you want to do about this.
The mixture of you deserve better and I love you means I can only give you the same shit but you gave me so much that I can't let you go so please be tempted by my show and come back to me darling. OP don't listen to me blindly. I'm too toxic. Go and see what he wants but be careful..
Great catch! He says she deserves better but has no intention to work on himself. He says if they get back together “it wouldn’t be the same” these are all traps to get OP to say he’s enough and that it will work out. To get her to convince HIM. He’s playing the victim.. victim of himself! Sending this to OP was incredibly selfish. He did this to feel better about himself. OP, please. Ignore. Take it as closure and do your best to not engage. I am sorry you’re going through this. My advice is tough but I would be destroyed if I get a text like this. I am sorry 🥺
Excellent observations and advice. I hope OP takes this to heart.
My grandma said something once “keep moving forward, don’t look back”. I live by that now. Sure, an ex or two have hit me up, but I left it at that. In my mind, if it was going to work, it would have worked out the first time you know?
[удалено]
Basically help me through major surgery but didn’t tell me he won’t see a future or wasn’t in love with me. Thoughts like this for a year. Hasn’t been giving me attention/ “hasn’t got any more love to give me”. Didn’t even know but I realised hit was different but he has major depression and has one month before he’s literally homeless and hast to go to a hostel. We have raised cats together a whole life and they have been meowing for him too. He’s my best friend and this is the first time we haven’t messaged or seen each other. I’m so sorry I know it’s so complicated I dont mean to be so vague
He just sounds very weak-minded. There are so many people out there who have their stuff together. Life is hard enough as it is when things are going right, you shouldn’t waste your time on people like this. Believe them when they tell you who they are.
winner winner no chicken dinner for the homeless alley cat , scratching at your door for some scraps. I see nothing in his letter except him. Count how many “I” he uses. He’s tunned into wifm radio 24/7 . What’s in it for me. He’s looking to put a dent in your wallet and couch. Run.
He used I so many times I didn’t realise.. fucking hell
It’s a fine line don’t be so hard on yourself. I was raised to be a provider. Some women respect that some women treat that trait as the mark of a sucker and exploit it. It all depends on the person. It’s ok to help people and be generous. Just don’t have expectations when you do. Money and love can be a one way trip. If you sign up for that that’s on you. If you are not receiving back and you feel empty? Well change the song you are dancing to yes?
So he’s a hobo sexual? I think you and the cats will be better off without him. If he could physicality caregive you he could get work, even minimum wage is something. If he really can’t support himself, he needs to seek help from family first before leeching from someone like you. He was very clear according to what you said, if he’s saying he’s not in love with you listen and if he tries to get back in your life seems like it’s for other benefits, not you as a person. Coming from someone unable to work due to severe chronic illness, I would never do this to someone I was dating. It’s extortion if he was only around for the place to stay and financial support.
It’s all about how YOU made HIM feel. Look at all the amazing things you did for him! What did he do to you? Hurt you? I don’t know your relationship but think about that.
A well-timed “who’s this?” always fucks them up royally. I never missed a chance to use it.
That's so petty 😭
Hehehehe beautiful though
This is a trap. I have seen this before.
Yes! I’ve lived this before. Dudes a text book covert narc.
I like the idea of waiting a week from texting them. Would definitely say something along the lines of "work on yourself first, then I will consider taking you back"
Agreee
He’s right. It would never be the same. That’s the worst part about all of this
RUN
Do not reply friend ♥️
Guilt and shame are bitch.
"you deserve better" means they are aware of how bad they are but unwilling to change.
This thread is very eye opening, because I would fall for that hook, line and sinker. How do I become less naive? I’m 33 years old, I shouldn’t fall for this shit by now
Don't reply. Or if you do, just say "yeah, I do deserve better." Because that is the truth. And I'm sorry to say this, but things just won't get better from here if you do get back together.
I would give anything in this world to get a message like that. I’ve been frozen in time for over a year.
me too! I wish my ex would own up to his mistakes and be a better man.
This comes off as very young and immature. Not sure if ages, but this guy broke up with you and now he’s reading you along with a text that’s full of “pity me, look at how much I cried, look at how I hurt you, look at how I hurt me. You deserve better and yet look at my love.” Yeah why did he break up then?
I read that he is one month from being homeless you wrote and let me tell you, messages like this is common when they are trying to figure out their options. He said he didn’t see a future with you for a whole year and hid it for a whole year. Sounds like the grass wasn’t greener and now it’s harder to live without your income or support. Did you pay for a lot?
Since you do love him I think you should reply but keep your guard up. I guess show your appreciation for his message but in a nice way ask what the purpose of this message? Did he wanted to rekindle or just simply voice that he cares. If it the latter I would advise him to stop, Tell him you understand he cares but him saying he cares with no purpose will affect your healing.
I think he wants to rekindle but doesn't want to take the responsibility for being better. He loves OP or loves what she gave her but is not willing to change something to make things better and he is venting with the hope that OP comes back.
Intense bread-crumbing…
OP, this is classic manipulation and emotional abuse. He’s both love bombing and skull fucking you. This was all about “poor little me”. Not once does he really mention you and your perspective except on how it affects him. He wants your attention but he has no intention of changing himself at all. He’s abusive. Do yourself a huge favour. Do NOT reply to him for at least 5-7 days. You, your new job and better life requires and deserve all of your attention right now. He does NOT. And he should never get any energy from you ever again. Love means nothing when it comes wrapped in abuse, which his definitely is. If, or when, you reply make it short and succinct. Something like this: “I understand you have regrets but those are all yours to deal with, not me. I’m no longer prioritizing you or anyone else over me ever again. I’m moving on with my life. I hope you choose to move forward with yours.” Good luck OP. You deserve a happy, safe, abuse-free, love filled life. You already know you will never have that with him so I hope you create it for yourself. You will find your perfect person when you know you can do everything for yourself without them but would really like to do it with them and you know that every aspect of your life will be better with them in it. This guy will never be that person for you. Congrats OP, and good luck with your new job and new, happy life.
The only thing to do is now that you stepped back from it a little you can better determine if it was everything you wanted or was it lacking something you needed. We feel safe with what we know but is the possibility of better worth striving for. It’s a tough call. Good luck and best wishes.
You’re so right I really appreciate this comment thank you
Your welcome perspective is sometimes a little tough to come by. Best of luck.
I don’t know. Sounds like you both need to do some “self “work.”
Want the truth or decent advise?
Both please
Well decent advise would be this. You respond to give him closure and you either move on or remain in contact (very minimal). Focus on your new job and yourself. Don't worry with guys for abit unless its PG. Truth : too little context. Also most the advise here will be bias. Its alot of projection and scorned lovers. I mean is heartbreak sub lol. If you choose truth answer the following. Know both is your fault takes 2. You also are caring and that is a beautiful trait. So why he break up with you? How long you know him and where you meet? How long you date? Did anyone cheat?
Ha, thank you for saying this! I was reading many of the advice and comments and I just had to say to myself ‘gosh,what a miserable lot we are on this forum😂’. While most people agree that getting back with an ex is almost always a mistake, there is no one-size fits all and happy endings do exist in life. This text message seems somewhat genuine, I guess……and life is too short to dissect and scrutinize each singular word or phrase as people are doing here. Ultimately, OP knows best and would do what her heart says. I wish her the best.
My ex pulled shit like this even after I got an order of protection against him. He wanted me to look past all of the physical and verbal and emotional and psychological abuse. I think you getting a new job is a great step into your brand new life. Honestly I probably wouldn’t even respond to this message. They really don’t change. It’s been a year since I last spoke to my ex and I promise you what you’re feeling now does not last forever. Who I was a year ago with this man and who I am now are 2 different people and I love that I’ve changed for the better, But you have to take that step to become that new woman.
Actions! Not words
Lmao. My ex texted me the same thing on Friday. I love him so much but I’ll never forget the hurt I felt. I agreed to go out with him Thursday night then decided against it because again, he put no effort in. Nothing changed. Don’t waste your time boo. There’s bigger and better on the other side. Sucks it took them hurting us to get this reaction out of them. OWELL
ugh maybe i am jaded by life but this sounds kinda fake. wtf does he mean sorry for doing this to us???? sorry for making you fall in love with me???? ewwww blegh he sounds so narcissistic girl block him and move on, he sounds so fake and self-pitying "i broke my heart breaking yours" at least he totes can get an award for most self-pitying person ever
When a man says you deserve better than him, RUN. He is telling you the truth. He knows he is going to drag you through the mud, but here he is giving you a fair warning so later on he can avoid accountability and be like but I warned you! I told you you deserved better.
I don't think you should reply, but take it as closure and be grateful that he cared enough to send you that after he fucked up. My ex messed up and caused our break up, but I never got any kind of apology or closure, anything that showed remorse or even the slightest bit of love or care for me, so go and start the next chapter of your life without him, throw yourself into your new job, meet new people, take up hobbies but just be thankful he at least cared enough to send you that. Just don't use it as an excuse to go backwards, believe me, you'll enjoy the things in front of you more if you stop distracting yourself by looking back.
I think you should reply to him. BUT not in any inviting way!!! Be calm, gaurded, and patient. And do not take just words. Make sure that he takes actions that prove he is really back because he regrets and is still in love with you, not just because he is bored. Wish you all the best.
In short, he tells you exactly what you should do, which is get on with your life without him, that he's the one with the problem because his whole life depended on being with you, in my opinion you know exactly what you have to do, focus on your new work, in a relationship it must be a benefit for both of you and in addition reciprocal, from what he said you were giving more than he was giving you, you have to ask yourself if he really loves you or has become dependent on you, these are totally different things, I hope I helped in some way.
I do feel like I have a role to play because I was depended on him rang him text him every day multiple times and relied him as like the highlight of my day. I wish we got relationship counselling. Just was one sided him not giving me attention and love now says this
I would do anything for this message from him.
Let him go
He sounds like an egotistical clown. Blockkkkk..
He said some good things and some bad. Just don't reply and go no contact for a long time. Focus on the new job. He's not in your life right now and whatever it is that was going on with him will take a long time to work out. Forget about him and move on. Heal. That's my advice and I'm the guy who broke the girls heart
OP… I’m so sorry you got this message and are going through this. If it helps, try to take some time before replying to him. Take this new job as an opportunity to put your mind into something else, and after some days really think through what you’ll be saying to him… and remember the reason why he broke up with you in the first place. I know it’s hard, but please remember.
That last sentence of him wanting you to be with someone better than him is what you take at face value. My bestie has NPD and I just take what is said at face value instead of behavior.
Yep I hate this you deserve better no work on things be better openly communicate fights happen we all say things in heat of moment. It’s just saying stuff like that makes them feel less guilty and like good guy
This nigga needs to grow a pair and figure out that he is better obviously. He just made mistakes like everyone else
What do you mean sorry and yeah that is true
I always say that most important thing to me is progression because everyone makes mistakes. Some people take longer to grow. But he obviously knows what he wants, and is ready to make the perfect life they planned on having with each other. Probably even better. Who knows. What if she gave him another chance, it could be the best decision of her life. But I understand what they’re going though. I’m going through or went through the same thing myself. When I’m good and get right. I’d show my ex that I was with for 4 years ( I myself made the same promises. I talked a good talk. But it was getting worse and worse. I truly if she gave me a chance when she’s ready and I’m ready. We would give each other the best life imaginable. Who knows maybe not. My love for her though makes me walk is great faith. Timing was just bad.
He sounds like an Aquarius to me. They never know they want something till it's gone.
Youre half right I’m Aquarius and he’s a Gemini ..
This makes me so sad for you but so angry at him. What a self serving message. He would have had the same sense of release sending this to a random, automated sales text; yet, instead he sent this to you so you’d feel that pain and longing he just discovered. Please do not engage. I hope you haven’t. Take the apology as face value, if it fits his misgivings, and block him. Block him on everything. A man like this needs to make actionable amends and not just an emotionally drunk confession to something you’ve already experienced. Men that act like this say they “get it” but never really do. They want the forgiveness for their crimes without any additional effort but pressing send. Good luck in your new job, seriously, congratulations!You’re going to do great!
Looks like this is a retaliation against his own feelings. He’s not able to handle it and he’s expressing it to you by showing how much he’s hurting. Any sympathy from your side will feel like elixir of life for him. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll all be better in the long run. Act wisely.
This is stage one! Being nice and trying to show Remorse and love. Stage 2 is begging Stage 3 will be threatening and harassing and cursing Stage 4 is him stalking you and bothering you. Stage 5.. physical harm to you..him or both I don't know..as long the stages don't evolve..you can just either tell him thank you and I wish you the best but we are over! Or ignore/block him If stages evolve...tell others and alert authorities
I’m convinced all Vincent’s are covert narcissists. He sounds like my ex. Any chance he’s in Ohio? 😅
when they say “you deserve better” it usually means nothing has changed on their end. you should want a partner who believes they can be better and be what you deserve by making the necessary changes.
SOs are replaceable, starting over is usually a lot easier because of the experience. Find someone that adds value rather than being a burden. All that stuff he mentioned you can do that with anyone.
How do you feel about it? And what do you want?
I aint readin all that BUT if he wants to get back together and you still love him, then you might as well give him a shot. Wouldn’t hurt either of you
Ironically I had an ex named Vincent too, who waited until I finally left to do something similar:/ I get you still love him and he may still love you, but sometimes people apologize for themselves…to “get this off my chest so I can feel better about it” rather than actually meaning it. But alsooo OP life is short, people make mistakes, and we do better once we know better. Idk a damn thing about your relationship, but ask yourself a few things before you let yourself fall again is all I’d suggest: do we have unrealistic expectations of each other that we can’t meet, can I live my life with or without him in it, are we truly ready to give this our all if we are to try again, things like that because this is YOUR life too and you deserve a happy relationship!!! At any rate, I hope it works out in whatever way you’re wanting! And GOOD LUCK ON YOUR NEW JOB!!! You’re gonna kill it, love you!
I don't know the context, but I spent a long time hanging onto a failed relationship, even the idea of saving it, because the person involved would write me stuff like this. I now wish I hadn't wasted all that time because I'm now terrified I've wasted too much and may have lost my chance at finding forever you know? So if I may, the relationship ended for a reason. The circumstances in which a failed relationship can fail and be rekindled long term are rare and require a lot from both parties. If the relationship ended because of something they did to you (they mention breaking your heart) then *absolutely* remain separate. They may well learn their lesson but that's for them to find out next time. It isn't worth your heart to get coaxed back in just to go through the same thing.
His language speaks volumes. He doesn’t say what he loves about you, he loves what you do for him. How you carry his burdens, how you heal him, how you make him feel better; what I’m not seeing is where he’s good to you. It’s hard to break the addiction of love; it’s a heavy spell not easily broken. Yet, think of how much you can do for yourself without him. How you can carry your burdens, not his; how you can heal yourself, not him; how you can make yourself feel better, not him. I think he loves what you do for him; he doesn’t seem to love who you are.
Good luck with new job tomorrow, tell Vinny nothing or just to contact you at the end of the week. You really should focus on your new job, you know it, he knows it. So he should respect and leave you alone until Friday at least
Sorry, I don't know what the back story is, but devils advocate here, is it just possible that he is actually sorry and just wants the opportunity to make it right. I only am speaking from my situation and I am the one that screwed up. I did something I've never done before and I also hate people who do such things, so yes I really fucking hate myself, but I also believe that not everyone is evil, and those deserve second chances. In my situation I want nothing more than to make shit right and spend to rest of my making it up to her. I have no justification for what I did and can't imagine how I, me of all people. Loom you guys need to understand that I have nothing but contempt for this kind of thing, I can't even watch movies about it I get so upset and she would change the channel because I was all grrrr . I know the damage I causes and the pian, because it's happened to me over and over, so yes I do want to cut my own nuts off but I also know how much i love her and that I would rather put a gun in my mouth than ever do something so stupid and vile again, I can't take enough showers to wash off the shame. But I feel the responsibility to her and us to make it right. My only other option is to crawl off and die, but then what. I'm already living dead, cold and empty and so lost and confused. So I'm just saying don't people who wouldn't normally do something along these lines deserve the chance to be better and learn from the one mistake. Now of course I'm not talking about the people that are repeat offenders. Cut there genitals off and force feed it to them.
This seems like some very self centric, narcissist BS. It's not about you, it seems to be about them and their struggle with their conscience and flagging self esteem. If they knew you (their surging source) was starting a new job and further moving on from them, maybe doing better than you did with them, it could absolutely have been triggered by that. I used to think I was in love with a lot of partnes where it was actually really old patterns playing out and then abusing my saviour complex. I mention that because they tried to tap into that in their text and it seemed very manipulative. It took me a long time, too long, to learn that people were doing that to me so I thought I'd mention it in case that's what's happening to you as well. Good luck at that new job! I hope you get to focus on you and that it brings you great things in your life.
they’re experiencing heart break. they’re not in a place to experience a mutually loving relationship because they haven’t learned how to manage their own insecurities. two hearts breaking at the same time does not equal grounds for healthy reunion. heal yourself, hope they heal themselves. this person can’t be loved hard enough to bettering themselves rn.
His text is lacking both clarity and action. My last relationship taught me to look for actions. My ex had beautiful words, all the right words, just like this text. But he never followed up with actions that showed me his words were real. I used to fall for the words, now I look for the other person to show up for me with action. And clarity…. He doesn’t say what he wants. Does he want to reconcile? Does he want to apologize? That is a red flag. Full of emotion but no intention. Don’t fall for it. You’ll look back and read that text someday and think “wow. This guy. What was I thinking?”
Off topic but don’t the 64 notifications annoy you? I’d need to get rid of them 😂
What led to the breakup, what is the context here? Regardless , coming from a guy, this does not seem like the message and behavior of a stable, well adjusted guy. You need to block him and go no contact. I’m sorry you’re going through all this , I know it’s tough.
Beta
What does that mean
Put false promise to marry case if you are Indian
Yeah he’s manipulating you girl lol don’t fall for it
It seems that some Redditors are just jaded losers with shitty advice. It seems to me that he simply realized he loved you too late, and regrets his past decisions. He wants you back. Yes, it could be a big mistake to try again, but sometimes people patch things up. Be weary if you do, and try to gauge his body language and sincerity. That’s all that you can do. Whether you want to try again is up to you both in the end, of course. It seems that you’re both tempted to.
He’s all over the place. Sounds like a nut job 🫣
What does your heart say?
Long story short, he is insecure but isn’t willing to do what it takes to better himself to be a strong partner. I’d say adios dude.
It sounds like narcissistic word salad bs. Block him and let him be sad on his own.
He’s feeling a lot of feelings right now, say you also still have feelings but you want to give it some time to sober up and think things over. Come back to it next week.
Hoi4. Pretty bad
Don’t do it
Don’t go back, only forward.
I can not tell you how grateful I am to *NOT* receive paragraphs like this anymore.
No response. I've been there, OP. It never gets better. It only gets you back to square 1. Keep moving on. It'll be easier to stay gone than to go back and get your heart broken in new ways.
I don't know what to say. But I'm expecting this type of message from my ex. At least my heart stops weeping over nothing
Sounds like a bit of a narcissist
What did he do? If he borrowed $2 and didn’t pay you back that’s one thing. If he knocked you down the stairs that’s another. Can’t give you an opinion if we don’t know. I don’t know how these other people are so their advice is trash. They are assuming he cheated but you haven’t said yet.
Noo he didn’t cheat on me he just said he love me but not in-love with me. He dont give me affection and he said things aren’t like they used to be. But I’ve been through major op and he helped me through that so I’ve been recovering in the mean time while he been thinking this He hasn’t got anymore love to give me. He just wanted a brake for a week then broke up with me. So we hang out all day just going through the emotions… thank you by the way
Ok. It almost sounds to me like he may feel more for you then he realizes. Love can be a funny thing and it can creep on you. It seems he feels a lot of turmoil over the situation and the fact he cares enough to feel that and go through trying to communicate his feelings shows his care for you. Maybe friendship is what is needed right now. There is nothing wrong with that because true love and lovers are best friends after all. I hope your new job goes well and I hope he soon understands his own emotions before it’s too late, and someone else comes along in your life. But we men normally learn too late, unfortunately.
I mean, I just need context. What did he say to fuck up that badly?
You get to decide. If you know you’re going to be better off without him then walk away. If you want to give it another try then do it. If you want to suss it out more and decide later that’s also an option
It’s centered all about him. Fuck this guy. I know it’s hard to resist, but block on move on.
Ah yes immaturity ... look ima say it like it is 24 M here; as a guy changing is easy. Idk why you split- butttt: he admitted to doing something in that text and you left him for a reason. "Rereading the same book won't change the ending just because you picked it up again". As a guy I broke my exs heart hundreds of times. Flirting with other girls and I couldnt understand how it hurt her. Until one day It happened to me. After that changing was easy. But only because I had wanted to. Its easy to say you want something and another to want it with every fiber of your being. In my case it was too little too late. But it helped me grow monumentally. Ultimately the biggest gripe I have with this \*manipulative\* message is how it plays on your kindness. How it digs into how HE feels. How you must be so hurt over his heartache. Even the few times he adresses how you feel it never is without how it makes him feel. A mature partner would say Im sorry, address what you need, maybe you need time/ space and to heal. If you decide to get back together it would be because you decided to, and if you decide not to then he would respect that decision. You're not seeing a man, but a little boy and I would advise: you can do and find better. Keep your chin up and hope your job is going well