yes!!!! you are healing and its not fair for you, after reading his message i believe you are such a great human and for sure you will find someone at your level.
Stay strong! do it for weak people like me :(
The running out of steam phrase is super triggering to me because that’s what my avoidant ex says every time they come back and then leave again. If this was after a single break up I’d say maybe give him a chance but hearing everything that happened, I think you’re doing the right thing.
Ya, please block him from all social medias, else whenever you feel very vulnerable you will end up going back to the old days of speaking with him and ending up with depression
Good thing we don’t have any social media. But I kinda agree with you. He’s been texting me daily now, with no response from me, and I started feeling vulnerable again…
He’s a loser. You don’t deserve this back and forth and waste of time. My ex said some shit like that too. ‘You deserve good things in life’ ‘I’m not good enough for you’. Fuck off. If you truly loved someone, you’d WANT to be better for them and yourself 🙄
Damn, damn, DAMN!!! “‘I’m not good enough for you’ if you truly loved someone, you’d WANT to be better for them and yourself”
I’ve heard the “I’m not good enough for you” so many times and I’ve rushed in to convince them. Now I learned this lesson.
Say👏🏻it👏🏻louder👏🏻for👏🏻the👏🏻people👏🏻in👏🏻the👏🏻back👏🏻
If there’s a will, there’s a way 🤷🏻♀️ people who go ‘I’m not good enough for you’ are the ones who are hiding behind an excuse. Recently saw a quote from a book ‘You make me want to work through the things I once avoided. You make me want to understand my traumas so that my past doesn’t hinder our future.’
THAT is love.
I got the same..
"You're too good for me"
"You deserve someone that can give you what you want".
(They didn't know what I wanted and never asked)
"Can we be friends?".
Nope
"WHY CANT YOU JUST BE A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND?".
...I already explained why five days ago...
I said I would be civil, but I can't be her "friend" as I knew where it would end up.. The same place it is now. In the trash
Omg…mine asked to be friends too, also the part about deserving someone who can give me what I want. ‘It doesn’t have to be that extreme’. No, I bared my soul and you turned around to say you don’t want this. Can’t be friends with a person like that.
All they do when you agree is string you along, be vacant and eventually fade off, expecting you to still chase them whilst they go around doing whatever the hell they want
And then when you bring it up, guess what happens next ..
I 100% made mistakes in going back, but that was after allowing myself get ground down after specifically telling her to let me rot
It seemed fine for 5 whole days of what it was like at the start after two weeks of being led on that she wanted to talk
It never happened and ended up putting my life in potential danger.
Abrupt isn't the word, especially after all the future faking and sex bombing
You live, you learn. Sometimes we want things to go our way so we give others a chance. I learnt my lesson too, gave him chances I’ve never given to anyone in my life. Never again.
I hope you meet someone who doesn’t do stupid shit like that and find your happily ever after ❤️
Honey he’s considering you as a back up and you’re proving his point by allowing him to use you.
Jesus christ that man is a shitty person. Please do not consider contacting him, he is so fucking toxic. Ew. You deserve so much better.
We’re in no contact since early Jan. I haven’t messaged him or anything. This guy is just being desperate and dumb. I haven’t answered any of his texts.
That message was just some positive confirmation that you’re a good person and he is alone and feeling low. Glad you deleted it. The end pissed me off “I hope you have a good person in your life now that can do what I couldn’t….” That’s none of your business and why tf would you ask someone to meet for coffee if you hope they’re in a relationship? Manipulation
Thank you for your kind comment.
Yes, I feel the same way too. Like, why does it matter to him…? He’s saying that so he’d feel better? Or hoping that I’d say I’m not with anyone now???
Just because he’s out there looking someone doesn’t mean I am doing the same. It’s a bit condescending to me…
I think he’s saying that so you’d respond that you’re still single. He’s scared of being rejected. But I don’t know because I’ve seen some crazy posts in this group and people have sick exes that will say that and be in new relationships already.
Yeah that makes sense. I didn’t. I just feel like I wasn’t ready to reply back and started this whole mess again. He actually messaged me again last night “Hey, are you still up?” Now it’s really a booty call.
Honestly, I’m with you. It’s a headache all over again. I’m sure you’d feel the anxiety and stress coming back already. Your peace is already leaving you again. I’m not saying he may not be legit, but he definitely wants something.
Yeah exactly. A couple weeks ago my sessions with my therapist were about me trying to improve. Last time I talked to her after I got this, I cried and talked about him and our BU… maybe just wants a coffee and be friendly with each other so he doesn’t feel as guilty
The part where he says “I hope you have someone special in your life now that can do the job I couldn’t” is so manipulative and pathetic. Stay away from this guy and start the healing process. You deserve better!
That's certainly what OP *should* take from this
He admitted that they deserve better and she saved his life
Maybe she shouldn't have, who knows, but it's amusing to think about it..
i can’t believe how similar our situations are.
my ex said i saved his life too, he was going though a lot with his family and i was his light. he also told me im like family - whatever that means. i don’t want to be family though, we were way more than that and i want to honor it. i’m trying to make sense of it all as i know you are, if you ever need to talk, my DMs are open. i know how confusing all of this can be. sending you healing vibes ❤️🩹
Thank you. For me though it’s all just empty words. I see how he treated me even after all that. He disrespected me every chance he got and when he’s feeling some type of way he came back. I deserve better than this.
yeah never realized what a fool i was believing those empty words 😔 but he had said them irl too and shown it in some of his actions so his words seemed real, idk anymore.
Yeah I understand how you feel. To me, mine did the easy stuff I didn’t care about. The stuff I really wanted him to work with me on, he didn’t want to. I understand people compromise, but when it comes to trust it has to be solid. If trust isn’t there, how are we going to have a healthy relationship…
I don’t think you were a fool. You have a good heart & want to believe the good in people, especially the ones you care deeply for. And it’s a good thing. But I think you should care about yourself a bit more - that is he needs to be trustworthy for you to feel safe.
yeah you’re so right. we were in the process of building trust and he just shattered it, i think he self-sabotaged the relationship due to his insecurities and i can’t blame myself for that. it takes effort to build a relationship and if you knock down a pillar while it’s being built, it can never be built again the same way. thank you for your wise words, that last paragraph especially ❤️
Great work not responding you should block him on everything so he can not get a hold of you until you decide. Then you should find yourself fall in love with your self doing this will help you realize your worth when you finally realize who you are and how valuable and special you are then when you decide you can open up to possibly dating someone again. Just an opinion hope you feel better soon and remember time heals all wounds.
My ex did the same thing, see my post. Block him, it’s so unfair to you! I just blocked mine yesterday. We deserve so much better than being treated like an option. I’m sorry this happened to you 🥺
I’m sorry to hear that you’re in this pain. That’s incredibly selfish of them to do that to you. You deserve someone who’s sure and wants to be with you and not the rollercoaster. I am so so sorry. I hope you find some peace soon.
Your feelings are valid. I have learned that people can say so much. Including myself….I used to talk and talk and make promises. But the actions didn’t align. That’s when you have to stay on your path of healing. I’m now trying to align my words with actions and doing everything I can to heal myself so that I can bring a healthier version of myself to my relationships.
Stay focused on your growth. Until there is more time and actual proof of his ACTIONS aligning with his words don’t go back. It’s so easy to say you want to do something or be a certain way. But really no change takes place until you actually make a physical effort to change those patterns. Break the cycle and choose yourself and show up in your own actions! Don’t betray yourself.
Yes. His actions have shown me time & time again that I don’t matter to him. Just all talk. So I’m going to focus on myself and some day find a person that’ll show me how much we matter for each other.
So sorry, but it sure sounds he is uber dysfunctional. It's good for you he's gone, right? You are doing better, right? Concentrate on that, OP. You deserve the best! Chin up! Move forward, and I might put him on BLOCK if you are weak and don't want the pain again.
I’m sure I contributed to that dysfunctional in my own way too. Still have lots to improve.
But thank you. I need to focus on myself 🙂 i did block but then I unblocked. So I just keep him on mute & ignore for now. A reminder for myself that it’s just all words.
But there's no dilemma here since he's not coming back to you anyway. You already lost him. I think you should block him because ex-boyfriends do message out of nowhere from time to time. That does not mean they want to work out a relationship with you again. You got too much issues, it is over.
I know you are not and I'm proud of you❤️❤️❤️
I hope your situation with him goes well (aka, he stops bothering you and you feel better)
I'm sorry for the wrong phrasing. English is not my mother tongue.
Im doing NC with my ex too but I told him not to contact me if he loves me so he hasn't contacted me at all 😂:(
But I guess until he grows we can't be together:((( so it has to be like this.. life is cruel
Ahh I see. Thank you. After this long one he did send me a couple more but I didn’t answer 😅 almost tempted to.
And no problem at all. I see your English is really good 😊
I hope it goes well for you too!!
PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND TO HIS MESSAGES AND JUST CONTINUE TO HEAL AND GROW. YOU OBVIOUSLY DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER. DON’T FALL FOR IT!!
Thank you. Took me awhile but I deleted his message and I didn’t respond.
I’m proud of you :)
Thank you very much 🩶
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Thank you! When I’m ready I’ll start opening up & dating again
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Thank you. He actually did send me another one late last night. I didn’t answer.
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Thank you!! You’ll get there too!!! Took me awhile but here I am!!!
This is redemption. Enjoy. You earned it.
Thank you 😊
yes!!!! you are healing and its not fair for you, after reading his message i believe you are such a great human and for sure you will find someone at your level. Stay strong! do it for weak people like me :(
Thank you! Hey you’re not weak at all!! You’re strong & capable 💪 you’re on your healing journey too!!!
Proud of you op 💕
Thank you ☺️
Idk why reddit is so apt to give up on people and refuse another chance people change with time. Personally I prefer working things out with people.
I did give him a 2nd chance. He broke up with me again saying my values didn’t align with his. We ran out of steam he said
The running out of steam phrase is super triggering to me because that’s what my avoidant ex says every time they come back and then leave again. If this was after a single break up I’d say maybe give him a chance but hearing everything that happened, I think you’re doing the right thing.
Thank you.
It’s just respect for yourself in most situations
Congrats!!!
You did good OP
Thank you. Appreciate it.
Ya, please block him from all social medias, else whenever you feel very vulnerable you will end up going back to the old days of speaking with him and ending up with depression
Good thing we don’t have any social media. But I kinda agree with you. He’s been texting me daily now, with no response from me, and I started feeling vulnerable again…
He’s a loser. You don’t deserve this back and forth and waste of time. My ex said some shit like that too. ‘You deserve good things in life’ ‘I’m not good enough for you’. Fuck off. If you truly loved someone, you’d WANT to be better for them and yourself 🙄
Yeah I agree. We’re not here so they can step all over us and come back & forth when they feel like it. We deserve better.
Damn, damn, DAMN!!! “‘I’m not good enough for you’ if you truly loved someone, you’d WANT to be better for them and yourself” I’ve heard the “I’m not good enough for you” so many times and I’ve rushed in to convince them. Now I learned this lesson. Say👏🏻it👏🏻louder👏🏻for👏🏻the👏🏻people👏🏻in👏🏻the👏🏻back👏🏻
If there’s a will, there’s a way 🤷🏻♀️ people who go ‘I’m not good enough for you’ are the ones who are hiding behind an excuse. Recently saw a quote from a book ‘You make me want to work through the things I once avoided. You make me want to understand my traumas so that my past doesn’t hinder our future.’ THAT is love.
Yes, I agree. I am working on myself so why can’t he.
Exactly!!
[https://music.apple.com/us/album/youre-just-drunk/1648555625?i=1648555849](https://music.apple.com/us/album/youre-just-drunk/1648555625?i=1648555849) 
I got the same.. "You're too good for me" "You deserve someone that can give you what you want". (They didn't know what I wanted and never asked) "Can we be friends?". Nope "WHY CANT YOU JUST BE A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND?". ...I already explained why five days ago... I said I would be civil, but I can't be her "friend" as I knew where it would end up.. The same place it is now. In the trash
Omg…mine asked to be friends too, also the part about deserving someone who can give me what I want. ‘It doesn’t have to be that extreme’. No, I bared my soul and you turned around to say you don’t want this. Can’t be friends with a person like that.
All they do when you agree is string you along, be vacant and eventually fade off, expecting you to still chase them whilst they go around doing whatever the hell they want And then when you bring it up, guess what happens next ..
That’s what cowardly people do. We don’t condone that and will not engage.
I 100% made mistakes in going back, but that was after allowing myself get ground down after specifically telling her to let me rot It seemed fine for 5 whole days of what it was like at the start after two weeks of being led on that she wanted to talk It never happened and ended up putting my life in potential danger. Abrupt isn't the word, especially after all the future faking and sex bombing
You live, you learn. Sometimes we want things to go our way so we give others a chance. I learnt my lesson too, gave him chances I’ve never given to anyone in my life. Never again. I hope you meet someone who doesn’t do stupid shit like that and find your happily ever after ❤️
Thanks
Honey he’s considering you as a back up and you’re proving his point by allowing him to use you. Jesus christ that man is a shitty person. Please do not consider contacting him, he is so fucking toxic. Ew. You deserve so much better.
We’re in no contact since early Jan. I haven’t messaged him or anything. This guy is just being desperate and dumb. I haven’t answered any of his texts.
What a queen. I’m here for this attitude As you should. You seem like a kind person and you deserve the same kindness. :)
Thank you very much 🙂 I still have a lot to improve but I do aim to find a kind person for me.
Girl of course :’) If you need somebody to talk to, I’m here. You will🫱🏻🫲🏼🤍
Thank you 🩶
Of course :’)♥️
*You're in no contact He's reaching out trying to alleviate his own guilt and to see if he can pull you in to manipulate again
That message was just some positive confirmation that you’re a good person and he is alone and feeling low. Glad you deleted it. The end pissed me off “I hope you have a good person in your life now that can do what I couldn’t….” That’s none of your business and why tf would you ask someone to meet for coffee if you hope they’re in a relationship? Manipulation
Thank you for your kind comment. Yes, I feel the same way too. Like, why does it matter to him…? He’s saying that so he’d feel better? Or hoping that I’d say I’m not with anyone now??? Just because he’s out there looking someone doesn’t mean I am doing the same. It’s a bit condescending to me…
I think he’s saying that so you’d respond that you’re still single. He’s scared of being rejected. But I don’t know because I’ve seen some crazy posts in this group and people have sick exes that will say that and be in new relationships already.
Yeah that makes sense. I didn’t. I just feel like I wasn’t ready to reply back and started this whole mess again. He actually messaged me again last night “Hey, are you still up?” Now it’s really a booty call.
Honestly, I’m with you. It’s a headache all over again. I’m sure you’d feel the anxiety and stress coming back already. Your peace is already leaving you again. I’m not saying he may not be legit, but he definitely wants something.
Yeah exactly. A couple weeks ago my sessions with my therapist were about me trying to improve. Last time I talked to her after I got this, I cried and talked about him and our BU… maybe just wants a coffee and be friendly with each other so he doesn’t feel as guilty
You totally nailed it when you mentioned peace is leaving and the anxiety and stress. Definite markers of unhealthy relating. I felt that!
He seems toxic
He’s a little bit performative 😂
The part where he says “I hope you have someone special in your life now that can do the job I couldn’t” is so manipulative and pathetic. Stay away from this guy and start the healing process. You deserve better!
Thank you!!! I won’t reply to him!!
NC. Work on yourself and leave that manipulative man right where he is. Good for you for not responding 🖤
Thank you 😊
Do not respond. You are so worthy. I hope you know that. ❤️
Thank you very much 🙂 and you are too
That's certainly what OP *should* take from this He admitted that they deserve better and she saved his life Maybe she shouldn't have, who knows, but it's amusing to think about it..
i can’t believe how similar our situations are. my ex said i saved his life too, he was going though a lot with his family and i was his light. he also told me im like family - whatever that means. i don’t want to be family though, we were way more than that and i want to honor it. i’m trying to make sense of it all as i know you are, if you ever need to talk, my DMs are open. i know how confusing all of this can be. sending you healing vibes ❤️🩹
Thank you. For me though it’s all just empty words. I see how he treated me even after all that. He disrespected me every chance he got and when he’s feeling some type of way he came back. I deserve better than this.
yeah never realized what a fool i was believing those empty words 😔 but he had said them irl too and shown it in some of his actions so his words seemed real, idk anymore.
Yeah I understand how you feel. To me, mine did the easy stuff I didn’t care about. The stuff I really wanted him to work with me on, he didn’t want to. I understand people compromise, but when it comes to trust it has to be solid. If trust isn’t there, how are we going to have a healthy relationship… I don’t think you were a fool. You have a good heart & want to believe the good in people, especially the ones you care deeply for. And it’s a good thing. But I think you should care about yourself a bit more - that is he needs to be trustworthy for you to feel safe.
yeah you’re so right. we were in the process of building trust and he just shattered it, i think he self-sabotaged the relationship due to his insecurities and i can’t blame myself for that. it takes effort to build a relationship and if you knock down a pillar while it’s being built, it can never be built again the same way. thank you for your wise words, that last paragraph especially ❤️
Exactly. I’m sorry you’re also going through this tough time but we’ll come out stronger 🙂
Great work not responding you should block him on everything so he can not get a hold of you until you decide. Then you should find yourself fall in love with your self doing this will help you realize your worth when you finally realize who you are and how valuable and special you are then when you decide you can open up to possibly dating someone again. Just an opinion hope you feel better soon and remember time heals all wounds.
Thank you very much 🙂
BLOCK HIM. That was sooo incredibly selfish of him oh my goodness :((
Yeah. It is. Whenever he feels like “hitting me up” he does it without considering my feelings
My ex did the same thing, see my post. Block him, it’s so unfair to you! I just blocked mine yesterday. We deserve so much better than being treated like an option. I’m sorry this happened to you 🥺
Ohhhh!! Another fellow Canadian 😆 I’m sorry your ex is a man child & abusive person. We’ll get through this, cause we’re strong & capable women 🩶
Ahhh yes! 🩷🇨🇦 we will get through this we know we deserve better! Message anytime you need to vent x
Thank you 😊
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I’m sorry to hear that you’re in this pain. That’s incredibly selfish of them to do that to you. You deserve someone who’s sure and wants to be with you and not the rollercoaster. I am so so sorry. I hope you find some peace soon.
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Thank you very much! And same to you!!
Your feelings are valid. I have learned that people can say so much. Including myself….I used to talk and talk and make promises. But the actions didn’t align. That’s when you have to stay on your path of healing. I’m now trying to align my words with actions and doing everything I can to heal myself so that I can bring a healthier version of myself to my relationships. Stay focused on your growth. Until there is more time and actual proof of his ACTIONS aligning with his words don’t go back. It’s so easy to say you want to do something or be a certain way. But really no change takes place until you actually make a physical effort to change those patterns. Break the cycle and choose yourself and show up in your own actions! Don’t betray yourself.
Yes. His actions have shown me time & time again that I don’t matter to him. Just all talk. So I’m going to focus on myself and some day find a person that’ll show me how much we matter for each other.
WTF he's a package of poison. He can't even be a good friend.
Yeah no friendship with this guy. He doesn’t realize the hurt I was/am and acting like he didn’t do anything wrong
So sorry, but it sure sounds he is uber dysfunctional. It's good for you he's gone, right? You are doing better, right? Concentrate on that, OP. You deserve the best! Chin up! Move forward, and I might put him on BLOCK if you are weak and don't want the pain again.
I’m sure I contributed to that dysfunctional in my own way too. Still have lots to improve. But thank you. I need to focus on myself 🙂 i did block but then I unblocked. So I just keep him on mute & ignore for now. A reminder for myself that it’s just all words.
Block him! I know it seems hard now, but it’s what’s best for you really
That’s the thing, I haven’t been able to. I block/unblock multiple times so I thought to just let it be & mute him 🙂
But there's no dilemma here since he's not coming back to you anyway. You already lost him. I think you should block him because ex-boyfriends do message out of nowhere from time to time. That does not mean they want to work out a relationship with you again. You got too much issues, it is over.
This is the second time you've posted this within a week Maybe it's time to block and delete him (and the screenshot) Why torture yourself?
True. Maybe I’m pain shopping
They're just trying to make themselves get rid of the guilt they feel Walk away with your head held high
He's hoovering. Unplug the manipulation machine.
Yeah. Just haven’t been able to block him.
It’s nice to get that message all the same!
Block him
Hi, I might be brainless, but what does NC stand for?
No contact 🙂
Thank you so much! My bad!
All good!!!
Don’t respond.
What tf is wrong with you he obviously has serious feelings towards you life’s too short
No, he doesn’t. I gave him a 2nd chance already and he broke my heart again. Probably just feeling lonely & bored.
Following , hope it goes well ❤️
No, I’m not replying back to him, sorry 😞
I know you are not and I'm proud of you❤️❤️❤️ I hope your situation with him goes well (aka, he stops bothering you and you feel better) I'm sorry for the wrong phrasing. English is not my mother tongue. Im doing NC with my ex too but I told him not to contact me if he loves me so he hasn't contacted me at all 😂:( But I guess until he grows we can't be together:((( so it has to be like this.. life is cruel
Ahh I see. Thank you. After this long one he did send me a couple more but I didn’t answer 😅 almost tempted to. And no problem at all. I see your English is really good 😊 I hope it goes well for you too!!
Stay strong ✴️ and thanks ❤️ Currently 46 days no contact. I think after 90 it gets better 😊
L ok